Title:           Dadonequus 1 - Bridge Over Troubled Waters
Author:          GimmeSomeGumption
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/WXWumD6i
First Edit:      Monday 29th of August 2016 04:45:44 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Thursday 8th of September 2016 05:44:17 PM CDT

Chapter 1 - A Bridge Over Troubled Waters
 
>Be you.
>Be Anon.
>Be gripping a cold steel handrail, toes pressing against concrete beneath your worn-down converse.
>Be staring at the obsidian, oily, writhing waters below.
>You could almost see your gaunt reflection.
>Normally you take care of yourself, it’s not easy when you are homeless, but you have a cheap gym membership, and a van to sleep in.
>Again, normally you look almost normal but, this past week has been -very- rough on you.
>You have a bit of stubble and your hair is matted and tangled.
>You’ve looked rougher before, this isn’t that much to you, but still.
>You digress.
>Right now you had all the time in the world.
>It made sense
>It made a sort of inverted, poetic sense tonight.
>All your life it felt like you were drowning in dark waters like these; thrown in without knowing how to swim, and just as you could tread water, a craft loaded with passengers would careen by, sending you into another frenzy.
>Of course, such waters were not literal, but you felt as if you were drowning most of your life all the same.
>But the water underneath this bridge? The one that you were staring at?
>That water was real. That wasn't a metaphor at all.
>And tonight you would dive down and return to your brothers, the other pieces of discarded trash.
>You had no reason to consider yourself any different than that barely submerged box from Panda Express.
>Just as you prepare yourself to vault over, you hesitate, that damnable silent voice pleading with you to stay for just a moment longer.
>You need to silence that voice.
>Well, silence it more somehow.
>Whatever.
>You decide to brood, to gain strength enough to ignore it at any rate.
 
>You were born to the grey and soot-covered world of poverty.
>What crime you had committed in some past life you will never know.
>The only father you had was the underbelly of the city, and your mother, although actually present, preferred the company of other men than her own son.
>However, by some strange aberration, this did not damage your personality, as you were a rather sensitive child.
>Not sensitive as in the weak and lily-livered “peers” of yours in the private schools.
>But the consideration of others and appreciation of the finer and more beautiful things of life that was all but snuffed out and crushed in your inner city brethren remained in you.
>It made your existence a continual and oppressive horror, guiding you to brood like a hurt animal when free from responsibilities rather than socialize.
>Your only refuge was that small, quiet voice who with dulcet tones soothed you and took you on marvelous adventures in the phantasmal land of your imagination.
>It wasn’t until the government, like some confused falcon suddenly seized with the urge to help and save instead of preying on the field mice and other furry little creatures, swooped in and carried you far from your mother.
>Placed in an orphanage where a child like you could grow, in middle and high school you began to flourish.
>You discovered the simple joy of theater, to forget yourself for a little while and become someone else.
>It didn’t matter if you were a hero or a villain, a soldier or a business man, a swindler or a saint; you were not Anon.
>In school one of the music teachers heard you crooning your sad song, and gave you the ability to really sing, by which later you would make your meager trade.
>And one day, you stumbled online to find a show filled with smiling little miniature horses that never ceased to fill your heart with delight.
>Your days passed by in a flurry of flash mobs and pranks and songs, broken up with hours of study and sleep.
>Compared to your childhood, if one could call such a thing a childhood indeed, your days passed by in a flurry of joyous, and raucous dance, broken up with slow waltzes, panting and sweaty from the earlier activity.
>Like the vaporous dreams of your childhood, the dreams of love and friendship blossomed but were quickly swept away by the encroaching storm of cynicism.
>You could ignore the matte black clouds, and the cold and biting wind, and even the occasional drop of icy water, if only you could have fun one last time.
>But then the deluge of suffering began, and unlike the earlier storms and sun showers, this one continued in an almost biblical fashion, and has yet to cease.
>One day the nicer orphanage was shut down, as all the fat and smug people on top of the cruise liners, so far removed from the stormy waters below, took some issue with that particular soggy 'raft'.
>You never understood such people, and you never wanted to.
>From then on, from the pale greens and faded paints of your adolescence, you returned to the soggy and oily and grey, grey, grey land of your childhood.
>Pranks stopped after one landed you in the hospital.
>Fights took the place of plays.
>Even My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was taken off the air, although reruns and the fan community remained.
>All you had was your singing, like a spear of driftwood barely keeping you afloat.
>You earned your income belting and crooning for whoever would take the time to listen.
>It took a while to learn the best places for this, and while the money you earned wasn’t all that small, the problem came with friends.
>Namely, the urban youth you grew up with were a group of friends thicker than most other thieves, and unfortunately for you, you had no friends.
>Year after year, missed opportunity after missed opportunity, you find yourself today.
>A hurt, bruised and crying child trapped in the body of a 25 year old street performer.
 
And now, silence, besides the blaring of a far off train horn.
That oh so quiet and often sorrowing voice that you now hate has finally stopped pleading.
Perhaps it realized that it didn’t matter how much it stalled you, no help was coming.
Or perhaps the wailing of your own spirit has drowned it out.
>You tense your muscles
Either or.
>You lift yourself over the railing, and situate your heels on the tiny and very slippery inch of embossed concrete decoration.
Won’t matter in a second.
Nothing will matter in a-
 
>”Such a lovely evening for a swim, don’t you think?”
>A joyous, deep and dark baritone voice struck across your mind, blazing and crackling like a great fire.
>A voice you heard before.
A voice you very much, very definitely heard before...
>You turn around.
No words.
>You were immediately ripped from your musings on all the misery you suffered, on the futility of everything you tried, completely derailing your motion to end your life.
>It was all ripped away by him.
>Discord
>Cheekily smiling at you.
>Discord
>In the flesh
>Actually, wearing a pool ring that wrapped around his waist in the shape of a goofy shark swallowing his torso, with a latex hair net, neon green sun-tinted goggles, and a blue snorkel.
>Every animal part was accounted for, you could even see the individual hairs on his lion arm and the bristles in his donkey mane.
>He was fairly tall, around 7 foot if you had to guess.
>You stop your appraisal of him when he excitedly waves at you from the middle of the street.
>He moves the snorkel to his mouth and blows bubbles out of it.
>That was too much for you.
>Gravity pulls at your organs and liquids and the world swings beneath you as you slip off that little ledge.
>It made sense
>A weird sort of inverted poetic sense.
>You spend all that time getting ready to end it all, not wanting to see another second of life.
>But now, you really REALLY wanted to see where that was going.
>Doesn’t matter now I guess.
 
>As you fall away a sudden FORCE grabs hold of you.
>It’s difficult to describe, but it felt like all at once, in every cell of your body, an energy moves through and does (Something).
>You feel, very vividly and very intimately, yourself becoming lighter and your fall becoming slower until with a flash of light underneath, you fall gently onto a plush, rubbery surface.
>You look around.
…
….
>It appears to be a reconstruction of a tiki bar made out of pool floaties, all on top of a massive semi-transparent pool raft.
>There are even little inflated drinks with plastic umbrellas suction cupped on top.
>With a burst of green light and swirls and swirls of some sort of energy, HE burst into existence right in front of your face
>”Now honestly! I make one little friendly observation and you immediately try to off yourself? I have never been more insulted in my life!”
>He bends back up straight and harrumphs off to the side.
>But you…
>There’s something you need to do.
>You shakily try to stand, wobbling and swaying on top of the raft.
>Gingerly you poke out a finger.
>And touch FUR
>You put your hand on his torso, and feel HEAT. Also a heartbeat that sounded more like a rockin’ drum solo than anything else. That too.
>You look at his face, he looks at you.
>His yellow eyes and mismatched crimson irises almost seemed to glow in the dark underneath the bridge.
>You lower your hand.
>You look around the sudden tiki bar.
>The bronze streetlights from above and the other side of the river cast their inferior light down on the scene, dancing on the waves and playing off of the float you are on.
>Discord reaches his talon up, and snaps.
>A light like noon shines from up above, illuminating everything.
>”Ah, much better, you know I don’t really care much for the dark, I prefer bright colors myself.”
>You didn’t really care if anyone saw.
>Not like anyone was around at 3 in the morning.
>But...
>This is vivid.
>This is consistent.
“This, this is real…”
>”Well actually, that depends on many things, such as what you mean by ‘this’, your conception of reality, and of course, what your definition of ‘is’ is.”
>His lips turn upward as if he was remembering something hilarious someone told him.
“I, wow, you’re… Oh fuck-”
>”Language please, you will find that is a rather bad habit to have.”
“Sorry! Sorry…”
>You did not want to fuck this up.
>What is happening?
>You mean besides the obvious.
>The spirit of chaos just interrupted your self righteous justification for suicide and saved your life.
>Why?
>BE POLITE
“Um thanks for uh, you know, and sorry for… Well, not answering you earlier…”
>He raises his eyebrow.
“Well, I mean, it is a nice night, uh, not meaning to be rude, but what are you doing here?”
>He raises his other eyebrow.
>DON’T FUCK THIS UP
“Not to be rude! I um… I mean-”
>BE COOL MAN
>THIS WAS YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER
>HE’S REAL
>IMPRESS HIM
>HE’S REAL
>BE COOL
>You feel a circuit in your brain short out.
>You make finger guns and fire them at him.
“Ey what can I do ya for?”
…
……
>He stares at you
>You fire the finger guns again
...
>”Pfffhhhtt HAHAHAHA-”
>He flies up into the air above you, grabbing at his torso, and going into what you think may be the longest and roughest laughing fit you ever heard.
>A heat explodes across your face as you blush more than you ever have in your life.
>That includes your junior year when you stayed after school to study with your particularly lascivious english teacher.
>She also taught you that word.
>Damn it Mrs. Coleman.
>But seriously, no one could blame you for this right?
>This whole thing is blindsiding you worse than a silent freight train.
>You collapse on your ass again.
>You really needed a drink right now.
>Discord finally finishes his laughing.
>”Oh hohhoho… You know, you remind me of one of my friends, well, I mean, “Friends”
>He does little air quotes with his paw and talon.
>”But I’m sure you can guess who I’m talking about, can’t you?”
>He smirks down at you from where he floats on his belly, crossing his legs and putting his paws beneath his chin. Posing a lot like a schoolgirl expecting juicy gossip.
>He means!
>He knows?
>But that means…
“How did, have you been-”
>”Watching you? Only a little bit, of course!”
>His voice does that thing where it deepens and sounds as if he is talking about the most amusing thing in the world.
>”You didn’t honestly think I was just passing through the neighborhood and stumbled upon you there did you? This is a bit far outside my usual stomping grounds after all.”
>You have already noticed this but, hot DAMN
>This is actually DISCORD.
>Every detail, the flamboyant and endlessly amused metric of speech, EVERYTHING
>Wait, did he just say….
“Watching me, you’ve… Been watching me?”
>Oh ho, you may need a drink for this my boy”
>An inflated rubbery martini falls into your hand.
>You stare at it.
>What are you supposed to do with-
>Actually, you had an idea
>You pop off the air cap on the side, put your lips to it and suck.
>Suddenly a smooth, dry, and slightly tangy liquid fills your mouth and slides effortlessly down your throat.
>Yep, thats a martini alright.
>”Ah ha! He catches on quick! See, I already -knew- I made the right decision choosing you, but this may just turn out better than I imagined!”
>Choosing you?
>You stare up at him with wide eyes.
What could the spirit of chaos possibly want with /trash/ like you?
>In answer to your unanswered question, he continues.
>Putting a lion paw on his chest, he says,
>”I like to pride myself on my many talents, the only one that matters here being my ‘vision’
>”Whereas others may look to the side of the road and see a fragment of glass covered in dirt, I recognize it for what it is… A diamond in the rough!”
>A large and rough looking gemstone appears in his claw, and a napkin wipes it off, revealing the most beautiful diamond you have ever seen.
>He puts it beneath your face and you look into it.
>It’s flawless. You can see your reflection, crisp and clear inside, and deeper, some flashes of green and black?
>This right here, is probably worth more than anything you have ever come in contact with by several orders of magnitude.
>And he just popped it into existence nonchalantly.
>Your vision is drawn into it, and the rest of the world fades away.
 
>”You see, I’m here on a sort of business…”
>He mumbles something out of your range of hearing.
___"Family Business___
>You are becoming entranced by the greens and yellows and blacks and lavenders that swirl and flash inside the gemstone.
>”Looking for a sort of… ‘partner’”
>He snickers
>”And so, I have been searching long and hard for a suitable candidate. At first, of course, I thought it would be easy…”
>The faces of many other men and women, and some other creatures you don’t recognize flash by quickly
>”But, you know what they say; not every wood will make mercury!
>”Or does no one actually say that? I could have sworn I heard that somewhere before…
>”Well whatever… The point is, I came upon you several weeks ago, and I hope you don’t mind, but I took a peek at your… ‘resume’ and I have to say, I am impressed!
>Several scenes from your adolescence appear.
>These were pranks and flash mobs you’ve done before!
>A much younger you is chatting up a classmate of yours in a mall, when suddenly you grab your stomach.
>”OH god, not again!”
>A burst of oily black liquid bursts from your mouth and covers the table.
>”Oh my god are you serious, that’s disgusting!”
>She gags, and also hurls the same liquid.
>More classmates and siblings of classmates hidden throughout the food court fall “ill” as well, as people start yelling and retching and backing away.
>Then appears you and two other classmates dressed in suits and sunglasses, with an earpiece in one ear each.
>Whenever someone would walk by your corner of the parking garage, you would be notified, and carry out a ‘hit’ on a tied up ‘body’. When you saw the person witnessing this, you would chase after them, until they would come across your friends with a camera, capturing their reaction.
>Many of your greatest hits appeared in a similar manner, and you could hear Discord speak once more after they passed by.
 
>”Some of these are inspired! A true cut above whatever mischief is made by the ponies back home! And all of this, all of these, done by a magicless adolescent? With that in mind, the infinite puddle? Genius!”
>He pulls away the gemstone and nonchalantly tosses it in the river, snapping you back to the world at large
>”You my boy, are a true prodigy! And even when the world tried and tried to crush your brand of chaos, you fought back! You didn’t resign yourself to menial labor, a cog in some machine, you made your way breaking up the monotony of others’ day! A little dynamo, chugging along!”
>You blush and look into his eyes, he was, excited? Was he really gushing at you?
>You think back.
>He is pretty much a god so, maybe he's right?
Maybe you weren’t so worthless after all…
>A warmth begins to spread throughout your body, not just from the rubbery martini, but...
>Could this be?
>He said he was looking for a ‘partner’, but what could that mean?
___>What did he mean by this?___
>Wait a second, was he even reformed?
“Th-thanks, y-you too…”
>He snickers
>”Well, we will have to work on your confidence, but all in all, I think this could work out well. For the both of us!”
“Um, you mentioned a, ‘partnership’?”
>”Of course. For many reasons, not worth going into right now, I’m looking to start a little project, may take around a hundred years give or take, may be significantly longer if you perform very well… And I think you will perform -very- well.”
>A hundred years?
>ONE WHOLE HUNDO?!
>What could possibly take that long?
>”Naturally, that means you will have to pop off this little rock and join me in the, how did you put it, ‘magical land of stunted marshmallow equines?’”
>HOW COULD HE KNOW ABOUT YOUR POSTS ON 4CHAN
>DID HE KNOW ABOUT THAT ONE TIME YOU FAPPED TO CELESTIA?
>AND THE MANY SUBSEQUENT TIMES?
>”I didn’t think you would have much problem with this, given your ~rampant~ success here, and how you once stated that it was your dream to -ahem-”
>He flashed into existence a paper and reading glasses.
>”Make friends and receive pure and chaste pony kissus?”
>He lowered the glasses and smirked at you.
>HE HAD TO HAVE KNOWN
>THAT WAS A KNOWING SMIRK
>”Well, blatant denial be-sides, there are other benefits!”
>He magicked up an official looking contract.
>In japanese…
>Pointing to several bullet points he continued.
>”Including nutritious food! A warm bed! A very fresh start! And most importantly, fun! Something that you really need.”
>A _very_ fresh start? Why the very?
>”All you have to do, is play along, something that should be easy for you considering your theater background, argue with me, as too much obedience gives me a headache, and of course, cause slight mayhem and the occasional bedlam!”
>At this, his excited and enthusiastic expression dropped, and something kinder and gentler took its place.
>”Really think of it more like a respite or a break. I don’t much like death, as it’s too… Final and dreary.”
>So that’s what this is about, is he really giving you a second chance?
>Trumpets begin blaring in your soul, and that tiny voice which guided you and taught you how to see through bullshit isn’t even speaking up.
>It’s just dancing and laughing.
>You look up and cover your eyes, peeking into that noonday light emanating from the underside of the bridge.
>You felt like light dawned inside of you, the first time in a long time.
>There really wasn’t anything here for you besides your own misery it seemed.
>Last time that gang put you in the hospital, what’s to say they won’t go farther next time?
>But here, there’s a chance.
>You’ve always gaped at people who signed deals with the devil in books and the movies, but now that you’re here.
>You’re just focused on the actual goddamn fact that there is hope.
>You feel your eyes start to water.
>Suddenly a hair dryer flashes in your face and blows your tears away.
>”No. No no no. No, no. Absolutely not. I get enough of that sort of sappy thing with Fluttershy, I won’t have it here.
>”Oh, and one more thing, as much as I would ~love love LOVE~ to see the chaos and panic were you to come ho- to Equestria as a human. And oh, believe me I would…”
>His expression became very pained and heartbroken, forcing out the next part.
>”It would be very… counterproductive… Egads, Twilight is rubbing off on me… It would go against what I want to accomplish were you to appear as anything other than an ordinary pony.”
>His eyes became huge and watery, and tears fell up through the light above.
>”And I REEEEEAAALLLYY want to see all the ponies panic and think that you’re a monster too…”
>And you REEEEEEAAALLLYY did not want to see that.
>Discord whines like a puppy and pouts, glaring at a floating water bottle passing by.
>”Maybe later… Much later, after everything calms down I can do something to shake things up again. But as it is the Tirek incident is much too fresh in everypony’s mind for something like that.”
>So that's where he is in the timeline…
>Wait, does that mean that you have knowledge of the future?
>Maybe?
>How accurate is the show?
>You would have to ask...
…
>Did you really want to do this?
>Could you really actually give up your humanity so carelessly?
>Really?
…
…
…
>Yeah fuck it, there are pony kissus on the line here.
“I understand, so I’m going to be a pony then?”
>His expression does a 180. Literally, then his body spins around rapidly and matches up to his now upside down grin.
>”So you accept? Splendid!”
>He slaps his hands together so hard you can almost see a shockwave of displaced air, and a flash as bright as the sun floods your now closed eyelids.
>Oh.
>Oh boy.
>Oh boy oh boy
 
oh boy-o..
 
what have you gotten yourself into this time?