Title:           (FR) Lyler's Prank
Author:          FlutterPriest
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/nt5s6YRN
First Edit:      Tuesday 7th of June 2016 08:49:00 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Wednesday 8th of June 2016 08:11:01 PM CDT

prose: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/245069/13/the-lyler-archive/lylers-prank
 
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>Lyra closes the leather clasp on her bag and rises to her hooves.
>Looking to the living room where her sister sits, she sighs and turns her gaze to the table she stood at.
>A greeting card rested there, 'Happy Birthday, Mom' scrawled on it in Lyra's best cursive.
>She took slow, careful hoofsteps into the Living Room and sits down by her sister.
>"Now, Anon can't come over today, Lyler," Lyra says gently. "I need to leave you home alone."
>"OKAAAYYYY!" Lyler screams, brushing the pricklies of her cactus with a hair brush.
>"I should be back before it gets dark. I just need to go see Mom and Dad in Canterlot, okay?"
>"OKAYYYY!"
>Lyra smiles, looking at Mr. Boomboom with a sort of melancholy that she could easily hide from her sister.
>"I left some sandwiches in the fridge if you get hungry. The sandwiches are the only things you're allowed to eat, okay?"
>"OKAYYYY!"
>"Say it back to me now," Lyra says.
>"EAT ALL THE SANDWICHES!"
>"Close enough," she says, rising to her hooves. "Be good, Lyler. I'll be back before you know it.
>Lyra grabs the bag and card, then leaves.
>The door closes on the Heartstrings household and a silence fills the home, leaving Lyler alone in solitude.
>The door slams back open.
>"AND DONT YOU DARE EAT THE ALUMINUM FOIL AROUND THE SANDWICHES," Lyra screams.
>"BUT ITS THE BEEESSTTT PAARRTTTTTTTTTTT"
>"NO."
>The door slams again as Lyler tosses the hair brush on the carpet.
>The challenged mare lies back on the floor and stares at the feeling.
>She's all alone.
>Again.
>There has to be something to do.
>Lyler placed a hoof to her forehead and tapped it.
>"THINK THINK THINK."
>The lightbulb above her head in the living room lamp shatters.
>The mare springs to her hooves and leaps towards Lyra's Lyre.
>She strokes the strings like something out of an erotic novel's bad foreplay scene.
>"LYRA NEVER LETS ME TOUCH THE LYRE! I MAKE PRETTY MUSIC."
>She strokes each individual sting, listening to the different notes it produced.
>Lyler experiments doing different strings at different times, then frowns.
>"I C'ANT PLAY RAINING BLOOD ON THIS."
>She tosses the Lyre over her shoulder, and it flies out of a window of the home, colliding into the face of a baby dragon outside.
>"MAYBE I CAN CALL ANERN!?!"
>Lyler trots to the house phone and examines it carefully.
>She lifts the receiver of the phone and stares at the number carefully.
>"I DONT KNOW ANON'S NUMBER," she screams.
>Finding the only rational option left, Lyler smacks her face into the phone dial several times.
>The phone begins to ring.
>Lyler squeals with glee and she puts the receiver by her head.
>The other end picks up.
>"Hello! This is the Golden Oaks Library! My name is Twilight, how can I-"
>"YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ALONE!"
>"W-what?"
>"LIFE IS SUFFERING AND MISERABLE."
>"Is... is everything okay?" Twilight asks from the other side. "Do you want to talk?"
>"I DID NOT HIT HER! IT'S BULLSHIT. I DID NOT HIT HER. I DID NAHT."
>"Hit who?"
>"BYEBYE"
>Lyler slams the phone and giggles to herself.
>"THIS IS FUN."
>Lyler picks up the phone again and slams her face into the phone 4 more times.
>The phone begins to ring once more as she snickers to herself.
>"This is Dash?" Rainbow says from the other side of the line.
>"HELLO."
>"Uhh. Who is this?"
>"THIS IS A HORSE," Lyler snickers.
>"Uhm. That really narrows it down, like... not," Rainbow says.
>"Who is it, Dash?" Anon says off in the distance.
>"ANERN?! IS THAT YOU? ERMAHGERD"
>"Oh GOD! Hang it up, NOW! NOW!"
>The line goes dead.
>"NO ANERN WHYYYYYY YOU WERE SOOOO YOUUUNNGGGGGG!"
>Lyler hangs up the phone and picks it up again, slamming her face into the phone 4 more times.
>"Hello? This is Ruby?" says a cool, feminine tone on the other side.
>"YOU AREN'T ANERN. KILL YOURSELF."
>Lyler forces the phone down, then sits on the floor with her hooves folded.
>"WHY ARE PONIES SO MEEEAANNNN?!"
>She sighs then shakes her head.
>"I'MMA CALL MORE PEOPLE!"
>She picks up the phone and slams her face into it.
>The phone dial sticks to her eyeball as the phone begins to ring.
>"U-uhm. H-hello? This is Fluttershy."
>Lyler breathes heavily into the microphone.
>"Um. Hello? Is anypony there?"
>"SEVEN DAYS."
>"Uhm. Seven days until.. what, Miss scary phone person?"
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" she screams at the highest pitch possible.
>"Owowowowowow," Fluttershy moans.
>Lyler drops the phone and kicks her hoovesies in glee.
>"I AM THE BEST AT PRANKS."
>Picking up the phone again, she slams her jam and brings the phone to her ear.
>The ringing goes on for about 10 seconds before there's an answer.
>"Uh. this is Ryan? How did I get a phone?"
>"LYRA WANTS YOUR DICK."
>"...Mommy?"
>"FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY."
>"Uh...what?"
>"IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE CASKET!"
>"Uhhhh...I think you mean 'basket.' It puts the lotion in the basket."
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
>"Jesus fucking Christ! My ears!"
>Lyler slams the phone again, smiling her usual gleeful, vacant smile.
>She dials another number.
>"Hello?"
>"HALLLO."
>"This.. this is the Crystal Empire private line. How did you get this number?"
>"I LYLER"
>"... well, Lyler. This is Princess Cadance. Is there anything you need?"
>"LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER!"
>"Is that even a name?"
>"WHY ARE YOU SO TRASH?"
>"Excuse me?! I am a Princess. I am hardily-"
>"WORST PRINCESS."
>"Well, I can certainly understand if I'm not as well revered as Princess Twilight, Luna or Celestia, but-"
>"YOU'VE LITERALLY DONE NOTHING."
>"Hey, I had a baby."
>"YOU'RE MOVING MOUNTAINS FOR FEMINISTIC CULTURE."
>"Well, I'll say. I'll let you know that- ... Actually, nope. I've had enough."
>You hear the sloppy sound of a phone trying to hang up, but not hanging up all the way.
>"Now then... Miss Velvet... where were we?~"
>Lyler slams the phone, eyes wide and repulsed.
>"TWO MARES! GROSS. EEEWWWW."
>Lyler sits on the floor, staring at the phone intently.
>She picks it up one more time, dialing another random number.
>The phone answers quickly.
>"Heartstring's Residence?" echoes a gentle tone on the other side of the phone.
>Lyler pauses.
>Then gently puts the phone back on the receiver.
>She picks the phone back up and dials a new number.
>"Good Morning! You've reached Carousel Boutique! Where-"
>"NO! THIS IS LYLER."
>"Uhm, Excuse me, this is Rarity."
>"NO! THIS IS LYLER."
>"Rarity."
>"LYLER"
>"Rarity"
>"RARLER"
>"Larity"
>"RARITY"
>"Lyler."
>"THATS MY NAME ARE YOU STALKING ME?!"
>"Wait, what?"
>"LEAVE ME ALONE YOU TERRIFYING PERSON."
>Lyler hangs up the phone, snickering.
>She nods to herself in pride, trotting away from the phone.
>"I AM THE BEST AT PRANKS. I DESERVE TO EAT SANDWICHES UNTIL I AM FOIL."
>Lyler runs to the kitchen and gets out three foiled sandwiches, then runs back to the phone.
>She takes a big bite of the aluminum foil, and chews it intently.
>"IT TASTES LIKE THE BLOOD IN MY SOUL."
>Lyler picks up the phone and rolls her eyes on the keys, literally.
>"HALLO THIS IS RAINBOM."
>Lyler tosses the phone up in excitement.
>"RAINBOM ITS LYLER"
>"LYLER! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
>"I MISSED YOU LYLER"
>"I MIS YOU TOO RAINBOM ARE WE BEST FRIENDS?"
>"YES."
>"YAAAAYYYY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Lyler shouts.
>"IM ON THE PHONE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>"I AM ALSO ON THE PHONE!"
>"WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON."
>"BESTIES!" Lyler continues
>"BESTIES."
>Lyler takes a large bite of foiled sandwich.
>"ARE YOU EATING FOIL?" Rainbom asks.
>"YES IT IS DELICIOUS."
>"FOIL IS NICE BUT I REALLY LIKE CACTUS."
>"I HAVE CACTUS PET." Lyler says.
>"CACTUS IS FOOD NOT PET!"
>"NO! CACTUS PET! I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM. IMMA MAMA!"
>The line goes silent.
>"CACTUS ALIVE?"
>"YAS."
>"I STOP EATING CACTUS FOR YOU LYLER!" Rainbom says.
>Lyler gasps, tearing up on the phoen.
>"YOU MEAN IT?"
>"YUS."
>"I WUB YOU."
>"WILL YOU TRY MY OTHER FAVORITE FOOD FOR ME?"
>"I WILL EAT ALL OF THE FAVORITE FOOD."
>"I LUB CHIK TENDIES," Rainbom says.
>"WHAT ARE CHIK TENDIES?"
>"FIND THEM. THEY ARE DELICIOUS."
>"I WILL GO AND FIND THEM," Lyler says with determination.
>"GO! FIND THE TENDIES!"
>"BUT HOW WILL I CALL YOU AGAIN, RAINBOM?" Lyler asks.
>"ROLL YOUR EYEBALLS OVER THE BUTTONS IN THE SHAPE OF A WEIRD SNAKEY SNAKE."
>"OH! OKAY! I'LL REMEMBER! BYE BYE RAINBOM!"
>"BYE LYLER!"
>Lyler hangs up the phone and swallows the balled up foil and lettuce in her mouth.
>She walks to the front door and turns the doorknob.
>"THE QUEST FOR THE CHIK TENDIES BEGINS..."