Title:           Sal Monela - Start the Car
Author:          FingerbangingMLP
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/CbusyQec
First Edit:      Sunday 28th of August 2016 02:18:18 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 28th of August 2016 02:18:18 AM CDT

>You are Pinkie Pie, the friendliest girl there is.
>You are friends with everyone.
>You have fun with your friends when they are happy, and you cheer them up when they are down.
>No frown is too small or too big for you.
>You've had reason to regret this recently.
>You are friends with Anon, the school janitor.
>You are waiting in your car for him right now.
>You sigh.
>"Why do you have to be like this, Anon?"
>You rest your chin on the wheel and think back to the day you offered him your help.
>Flashback to last week.
>You are Pinkie Pie.
>You are looking for the janitor to ask him help clean up the gym after the Fall Formal.
>You find him in his usual place.
>A room that's office and utility closet combined.
>It's currently ressembling the school's ruined main entrance.
>Your friend Anon is sitting in the center of this mess.
>Actually, he is on his knees, with his featureless green face burried in between his palms.
>His phone is on the ground in front of him.
>His shoulders are shaking.
>Sadness?!
>Not on your watch.
>"Hi Anon!"
>Anon takes a deep breath.
"Pinkie."
>"Is everything okay?"
>Anon gestures around him.
"No. Nothing is okay. Look at this mess!"
>You start to talk but he cuts you.
"This mess is my life! Ruined!"
>"Who did this, Anon?"
"They did this to me" he says as he points at his phone.
>"Sumsang did this to you?"
>Anon looks up.
>He gives you that stare people give you when you talk for extended periods of time.
>It must be admiration.
"Sums...Oh, for fuck's sake, Pinkie..."
 
 
>Anon raises his phone and shows you the screen.
>You see a bunch of mugbook profiles.
>Now it makes sense.
>They must have not accepted his friendship requests.
>The meanies!
>"Don't worry, Anon. I'll be your friend no matter what!"
>Anon motions for you to join him on the floor.
>You sit down.
>Brrrrr, the floor is cold!
>Anon shows you a number of profiles.
"This one is a doctor. That one is a lawyer. This other one is an actor..."
>He goes on for a while.
"...and I'm a lowly janitor. I used to go to school with these people."
>"They were your friends?"
>Anon laughs bitterly.
>You don't like him when he's like that. He spooks you.
"Friends? Nope, never had those. Pinkie, these people rejected me, mocked me, and bullied me. They made me a ruin and shat on my feelings. And how were they punished? They weren't. Instead they have successful careers, happy lives and loving families. All I have is a bunch of ungreatful brats to look after that aren't my own and a depressing paycheck."
>You frown.
>Anon is down in the dumps.
>Adults usually drink to forget, but Anon doesn't drink.
>Perhaps this means he doesn't forget.
"Those gits! How I hate them. They shoved my head in the toilets. You know why I clean the toilets so thoroughly Pinkie?"
>"I dunno, Anon. Why?"
"Because I feel for whoever kid goes through the same shit, that's why."
>You can only watch as Anon boils in his own soup of misery and loathing.
"If only I could get back at them somehow. Deliver some karmic justice..."
 
 
>You remember Anon is the cuddly type.
>You wrap your arms around Anon.
>You don't know what else to do.
>He doesn't like loud noises or confetti.
>You found that out the painful way, but he was just stressed is all.
>He didn't really mean to backslap you.
>Or call Principal Celestia a pedo when she threatened to fire him.
>He later apologized to you.
>He must have apologized to the Principal as well, since he still works here.
>They glare at eachother though.
>Oh well, if they aren't friends now that only means they can become friends later.
>Speaking of people becoming friends...
>"Anon, if there's anything I can do to help you with those meanies, you let me know, okay?"
>Anon stays quiet for a few seconds and then turns his head and faces you.
>He has a wolfish grin on his lips.
>Yay, you made him happy!
"Alright Pinkie, I'll remember that..."
>You let go of him.
>He stands up, brisk and fresh.
"Right then, what was it you wanted?"
>Back to now.
>You never thought Anon would need this kind of help.
>Or anyone else for that matter.
>You are driving him around town to meet his former schoolmates.
>This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for-
>There he is, just like the other times.
>He is running towards the car.
"START THE CAR! START THE CAR!"
>You don't have to be told anymore.
>You've done this a bunch of times so far.
>You drive Anon to where he tells you, he gets off and walks away while you remove your car's plates and wear a balaclava, and after a couple of minutes he runs back and you hightail it together.
 
 
>He is holding something in his hand this time.
>His is flailing his arms and you can't see it clearly.
>A woman with short hair is chasing him, yelling some mean, mean things about his mother and declaring he prefers the company of men.
>Your family frowns on this, but not you.
>You like the company of men.
>Anon opens the door and impacts on the seat next to you.
"Start the fucking car, Pinkie!"
>"I'm trying!"
>The engine is having trouble starting up.
>The short haired woman reaches your car.
>She keeps swearing as she repeatedly brings her purse down on the window.
>That really pisses you off.
>"Oh not my joyride, dammit! You bitch!"
>This happens way too often for your liking.
>Anon, being silly, forgets there's a person standing right outside and opens the door with much haste.
>The door hits the short haired woman and causes her to drop to her knees.
>The engine finally starts.
"Eat boot, Joanna!" says Anon as he kicks her.
>You don't wait for Anon to pull his leg back inside.
>Your car speeds away.
>Another day, another getaway.
>When you offered to help Anon with his problems you never thought that's what he'd ask of you.
>Anon cackles as he turns to you, dangiling his price.
"I'm gonna make a keepsake out of this!"
>Is that...someone's ponytail?
>Eh, whatever.
>In the end, it's all to make a friend smile.
>And you know what?
>It's worth it.
>You drive off to the sunset, to await the cover of darkness to drive back to your place.