Title:           (808s) Date Night (FR) (1)
Author:          Fagdude
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/AcAVDYDx
First Edit:      Friday 11th of January 2013 10:15:44 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Friday 11th of January 2013 10:15:44 PM CDT

>Day Sometimes There's a Man. In Equestria.
>It'd be different if you had another futon.
>Or room to have him lay down on the ground.
>He doesn't look at you. Just the ceiling.
>Your bodies are a mere two inches from touching.
>Save for the sheets.
>"Hey Moose?"
"Yeah Time Turner?"
>"Don't make this weird."
>You stop looking at him and look back up at the ceiling.
"W-why would this be weird?"
>"I can think of at least ten reasons as to why this is weird."
>He laughs a little.
>"It's one-thirty-one in the morning, buddy."
"It's p-perfectly normal for t-two adult men to s-share a bed. Without anything...without any funny business."
>"Yep."
"So..."
>"You know she's been in the bushes for the past four hours, right?"
>You shiver a little.
>Please let him mean Derpy, please let him mean Derpy.
>Hell, let him mean Minuette.
>"She's mashing it, buddy. I told you Fluttershy was the worst."
"You said T-t-Twilight was the worst!"
>"Yeah, but Fluttershy is also the worst."
>You get out of bed and look at your compatriot.
>He looks haggard and dilapidated.
>His mane is mangled and he just doesn't look fun anymore.
"I'm going to go talk to her."
>"Do it up, buddy."
"...a-and not to pry but are y-y-you okay?
>"Just peaches, Moose."
>You go outside your house, and though it's still winter it's warming up a little.
>Thank you perks of dating a pegasus.
 
>You go to the bushes and sure enough there she is.
>Fluttershy, the yellow menace.
>Her eyes are just barely glancing into the bottom part of your window.
>She shouldn't be able to even see through the curtains!
"Fluttershy...p-please tell me you're not...'mashing it' out here."
>She immediately flusters and her wings stiffen.
>She turns to face you and forces the most awkward smile.
>Her front hooves clearly positioned over her crotch.
>"n-n-no...I was..just...uhm.."
"Fluttershy j-just leave. Please? I was enjoying m-myself."
>She shakes her head.
>"No you weren't mister."
>You run your hands through your hair.
"Well no. I w-wasn't. Not LIKE THAT...sheesh l-lady. Get y-your mind out of the g-g-gutter."
>She begins to masturbate again.
>You swallow hard and try to avert your gaze.
>"..y-you can watch me m-mister...It's only fair."
"Fluttershy, please go."
>"What? So you can go make out with -him-?"
>You slam your palm into your face.
>From inside you can hear Time Turner shout.
>"Like he could -handle- it!"
>You really need to consider getting him a new job.
>Or a marefriend.
>Because this roommate thing is not working out like you thought.
"I'm not...gay. Neither is Time Turner-"
>"Then how come he gets to sleep in your bed! OUR bed."
"First of all, it's not o-our bed. It's -my- bed. And s-secondly because...m-mattresses are really expensive."
>"Go spoon your lover, Anonymous!"
>She sounds bitter and furious.
>It's that same hate in her voice that she had during...
>Much of your "relationship" with her.
>It chills you still.
"...Y'know, fl-Fluttershy. You accused me of r-rape publically...just a few weeks ago."
>She gives you  the stare.
>You close your eyes and grit through it.
"Do you r-r-really think it's a good idea to be...uhm... 'mashing it' in the bushes?"
>She sighs.
>And all that anger drains away.
>And she looks at you, and she looks sad.
>"...how come you don't--"
"We've been over this before."
>And frankly it's too late at night for you to want to deal with this crap.
"P-please leave or I'll get the cops or something."
 
>You storm back inside and climb back into your futon.
>Time Turner looks at you with a grin.
>"She thought we were -doing- it."
>He stifles a laugh, but it's not hard to tell he wants to laugh loudly.
"This is how rumors get started, Time."
>"Yeah but I don't have to work with Minuette anymore so...not really my problem."
>You steal some of the sheets with a quick tug and lay on your side.
>"Oh come on buddy, it's just temporary."
>He huffs.
>"Moose, talk to me. I'm just having a bit of a goof."
>You breath in the scent of your pillow.
>Derpy was here a few days ago.
>You can still smell her on it.
>...no that isn't weird, that's normal.
>You guys are kind of dating.
>It'd be weird otherwise.
>Shut up.
>"Moose. I'm sorry."
>You give him a little sheet back.
>"I've made some real steps with my business, man."
"I'm sure."
>"I'm serious. Okay? Look, I know this hasn't worked out like we planned."
>Take a deep breath.
>"...but, I'm pretty sure I've got this thing figured out. I just need some start up funds."
"Well don't look at me."
>You wave your hand towards the sparsely decorated glory of your two room hovel.
"I'm k-keeping us afloat."
>"And I appreciate that. Don't worry about it. I'll find a way."
>You close your eyes.
>"Do you want a hug?"
>You open your eyes and feel hooves on your shoulders.
>Pulling you towards Time Turner.
"...See this is why Minuette makes those jokes about us."
>He nuzzles your head with his neck.
>"Don't make this weird."
"Yeah, I'm the one m-making this weird."
 
>Get up.
>Poo in silence.
>Shower while singing a little Bob Crosby.
>Shave the limp pathetic stubble that's been growing all week.
>Get dressed. Clean tie. Blue shirt. Comfy slacks.
>Time Turner's still laying on the futon.
>Mumbling about marmalade.
"Time Turner, it's six in the morning. You getting up?"
>He waves a hoof at you and grumbles about not being part of the system.
>You take that for a no.
>Get some cereal out of the cupboard.
>Wheat Chunks.
>No milk.
>Water and wheat chunks.
>Sit and eat.
>Go to work.
>Arrive on time, not early.
>Mayor Mare gives you an early morning 'how's the life' grumble.
>You give her the head nod and the smile of 'could be worse'.
>The language of the morning people is much the same as the night time people.
>Just with less drunken hooting.
>Minuette brought the coffee.
>You gingerly reach for a cup and upon grabbing the one labelled "808" she gets this...
>Really diabolical grin.
"...did you s-spit in this?"
>She mocks your voice.
"Did I sp-spaz-out all the--No eight-oh-eight, I didn't spit in it."
>You open the lid and see a big white blotch of a loogie.
"Y-you spat in it."
>"Wasn't me. Maybe you ticked off the coffee clerk."
>Minuette takes a big whiff of you.
>And then she gets a shit-eating grin.
>"Well-well-well, what do we have going on here?"
>You pour your coffee down the breakroom drain and wave her off.
"No time, got to work."
>"But I had a whole thing about you being a loser and a total--"
"T-take it to some c-comedy club, lady."
>You leave Minuette bothered in the breakroom and set about to doing your work for the day.
>You of course finish early.
>Because this job is too damn simple and overly redundant.
>And life is pretty good. Much like it has been for a bit.
 
>You go out for lunch with Derpy, even though it's not technically her break.
>Nopony really seems to expect deliveries to be on time with her.
>She knows this and uses the system to her benefit.
>"How come you smell like Time Turner, Moose?"
>You put on your straight face.
"Well we've been sleeping together."
>She laughs.
"...b-but seriously. He's saving all his funds for some business plan he won't show me..."
>You roll your shoulders.
"And just factoring in my already meager expenses, we're not...he's not able to buy a mattress."
>Derpy nods a little, though she's clearly off in her own little world.
>She's watching some butterflies flutter through the crisp air.
>It would appear spring is coming sooner rather than later.
>You feel like you might be talking too much about things she might not want to hear about.
>So you just sort of watch her while you walk and shut up.
>When you approach the schoolhouse she looks at you with those misaligned beautiful eyes.
>"Hey Moose...if you were like that, y'know...you could tell me."
>Her face scrunches a little.
>"I mean...me and Dinky would still like ya lots and stuff..."
>You give Derpy a hug and a big kiss on the side of her head.
>And you notice a few kids playing in the schoolyard are watching.
>And they are laughing and going "oooooh".
>And now you're blushing like a fool.
>Derpy bumps you with her butt and laughs along with them.
>You shouldn't have made your joke.
>You always screw something up.
>Derpy shouts to some schoolteacher.
>"MISS CHEERILEE! HI! HEY! HI! IT'S ME!"
>A magenta mare turns and waves to Derpy and by extension you.
>Derpy approaches the gate to the yard and you follow close behind, running a hand through her mane.
>Yes, you're trying to establish that you're there for her on a subconcious level.
>No, it's not just because you fear losing a good thing.
>You should stop thinking this way.
>You guys aren't even official.
>...crap, maybe you need to make it official with her.
>Going steady with Derpmeister.
>...people still say going steady. You're not lame.
 
>You've missed the opening lines to the conversation.
>Because you're a spaz.
>You begin to notice again when Derpy begins drooling in the snow.
>And Cheerilee is  giving you a curious look.
>You're scratching behind Derpy's ear.
>Derpy's eyes are almost rolled up in bliss.
>She keeps kicking a hoof in the snow.
>You have a feeling this might not be appropriate for the fillies.
>You stop scratching her.
"..s-sorry about that."
>Derpy looks at you with wide eyes and a stunned smile.
>"You did not tell me you could do that Moose."
>She blinks and her eyes align to focus on you in amazement.
>"You need to do that much much more."
>Miss Cheerilee looks back at her students and coughs.
>"So you were saying something about bowling, Ms. Hooves?"
>Derpy is still looking at your hands in amazement, but she nods.
>Cheerilee laughs a little.
>"This isn't going to be like last time is it?"
>Derpy shakes her head from side to side but stays fixated on your hands.
>You put your hands behind your back and look away.
>"But you had fun last time!"
>Derpy turns her attention back to the teacher when she says that.
>"You were chatting up that stallion and you did really well!"
>Cheerilee's voice is so deadpan it could break your heart.
>"He pulled a brander out, made me mark a zero, and I think his friend was...intoxicated."
>Derpy nods.
>"But you had fun!"
>Cheerilee grunts.
>"All right. FINE. But you're paying for the first round of drinks."
>Derpy gets a big grin on her face.
>And then she looks at you.
>"MOOSE! Wanna go bowling tonight?"
"T-totally."
>Derpy does a hoof pump.
>"YEAH!"
>As soon as you depart and are a mere five yards from the school house she drags your hand back to her mane.
>"Do it again Moose. Please."
>You scratch her ears all the way back to city hall.
 
>Evening. At the Bowling Alley. In Equestria.
>Time Turner is wearing one of your shirts and a tie.
>He hasn't washed his in a few days.
>You've rolled up your sleeves, like a real man.
>Derpy and Cheerilee show up wearing sunglasses and bowling shirts.
>Team Name "Moxie Mares".
"Hey Derpy! Cheerilee! O-over here!"
>You wave.
>Time Turner looks at you with a bit of nervousness.
>You've never seen him like this.
>"Buddy, you didn't tell me there were going to be mares here."
"..is th-that a bad thing?"
>He motions to himself, his face red.
>And that's when you really see it.
>He does not look good.
>He's been out of work.
>His hair is all frazzled.
>Your shirt is ill-fitting and the tie is too long.
>..and it's your lucky piano key tie too!
>"...I want to go home."
"Uhm...j-just be y-yourself?"
>You give him a sympathetic smile.
>He curses under his breath.
>"Because you're the one to give me ad--"
>He takes a breath as Derpy and Cheerilee arrive at your bench.
>"Sorry buddy. I didn't mean that...I'm just out of it."
>He clears his voice and slicks back his mane. He looks at the team name and grins.
>"How we doing you foxy moxie mares?"
>Derpy laughs. Cheerilee gives him a small smile.
"I'll...go get us a pitcher."
>Derpy makes you scratch behind her ear before you walk away.
>You take your time and watch your friends over your shoulder.
>Time Turner's trying to turn on the charm.
>Derpy's being less bubbly than usual.
>Cheerilee seems to think something is funny.
>When you arrive with some cider in a pitcher and some plastic cups everything seems like it might turn out okay.
>Cheerilee helps herself to a glass.
>"Now this is a league night, so who we going up against?"
>Derpy gets a little smile on her face.
>Time Turner mouths 'did you know' to you.
>You shake your head.
>And that's when you hear her voice.
 
>"Anonymous...s-so y-you like bowling too? What a coincidence...we sh-should t-totally bowl t-together."
>Fluttershy is wearing sweatbands and fluttering next to three earth ponies.
>A fish-faced fellow in an orange polo.
>A beatnik looking one in a hoodie.
>And a portly bearded one with glasses who is giving Cheerilee the darkest grin.
>"You going to play by the rules this time, Teacher?"
>Cheerilee gives the bearded one a glare.
>"Maybe."
>"This isn't Chrysalis's-Celestia-damned-Kingdom, Cheerilee. There are rules!"
>"Heard it before, tubby."
>The beatnik puts a hoof on the fat one's back.
>"Cool it Walt-"
>"Dude, there are rules here. What do you have without rules?"
>Fish-face speaks up.
>"I thought this was just a cider-and-pretzels fun league---"
>"Were you listening to the issue, Donnie?"
>Fishface shakes his head. "I was polishing my ball."
>"Then you have no frame of reference."
>"Yeah but-"
>"Life does not stop and start at your convenience..."
>"Yeah but-"
>"YOU ARE OUTTA YER ELEMENT HERE DONNIE."
>"I'm just sayin'--"
>Fluttershy clears her voice and siddles up against this "Walter" chap.
>"We're g-gonna kick y-your flanks, mister."
"...o-okay?"
>Fluttershy smiles brightly.
>"A-and if w-we win...y-you have to l-l-love me."
>The three compatriots laugh at Fluttershy, who sinks to the floor.
>"There are like, rules about this stuff Flutterlady. You can't just go and make your own bets. Bad karma."
>Fluttershy sighs.
>"...but if I win...still...uhm..."
>She hops aboard the mumblebus.
>You look back at your team.
"So...we're bowling these guys?"
>Derpy and Cheerilee nod.
"Okay. Time Turner, you up for this?"
>Time nurses a cup of cider.
>"Yeah sure buddy."
 
>You bowl for a bit.
>The "Royal We" as Fluttershy, Walter, Donnie, and Letrotski's team is called do much better.
>But you're having fun.
>Cheerilee is carrying the team.
>Derpy isn't great, yet she seems to make every 7-10 split she creates.
>Which is in and of itself amazing.
>Time Turner does better than both you and Derpy combined.
>"Hey Moose?"
>Derpy yawns and does her move.
>She gets a hoof over your shoulders and looks at you.
>She's warm.
>You feel nervous.
"Hey."
>She rubs her head against yours.
>"I was...uhm...wondering Moose, if you want to go...steady."
>You blush.
>"Just because we've been dating for a few weeks--and I'm not seeing anyone else and you're--"
>You look at Time Turner who is staring at Cheerilee's ass.
"I'm n-not s-seeing anyone else, Derpy."
>She gives you a rather goofy face and she leans in for a kiss.
>You're not good at kissing.
>And you're blushing like a fool.
>Time to put years of romantic comedies to work.
>You attempt to make out with Derpy.
>It's a messy, sloppy, after-taste of banana-nut muffins thing.
>Your tongues dance. Or rather, yours is thrown around like a little kid dancing with a sailor.
>You can hear Fluttershy stuttering and whimpering, trying to say something.
>Time Turner throws a strike.
>"OVER THE LINE!"
>You hear Walter scream.
>Time Turner looks at Walter.
>"What're you talking about?"
>"You were over the line, mark it zero."
>"It's just for fun."
>"THERE ARE CELESTIA DAMNED RULES HERE! THIS ISN'T CHRYSALIS'S CHANGELING KINGDOM. THIS IS BOWLING!"
>The mood is shot.
>Derpy pulls away.
>Your lips are coated in bubbly drool.
>She smiles.
>"That was fun Moose. We should do that more."
"..y-yes p-please."
 
>You finish up your game.
>You bowled a 105.
>Which is pretty bad.
>But you didn't use bumpers or anything.
>And you've never been good at bowling.
>Cheerilee got a 242.
>Time Turner got a 198.
>Derpy got a 120.
>The "Royal We" did much better.
>Fluttershy did the worst.
>You finish up your cider.
>Time Turner is good and buzzed.
>Cheerilee seems to be into him.
>Derpy pulls you aside for kisses and ear scratches.
>You feel like a major player.
>Excuse you. "Playah".
>You'd strike a pose, but you don't know any.
>Once everything is finished, your group departs.
>Dinky is being babysat by a neighbor, Derpy doesn't have a curfew.
>Tonight...tonight might be the night to do...
>Tonight you might have sex.
>All that requires is getting Time Turner out of the place.
>He and Cheerilee seem to be getting on just great.
>He even does Derpy's move. Gets a hoof over her shoulder.
>Whispers some sweet nothings.
>And it's then you see Fluttershy and her team walking quite close by.
>And Fluttershy has this grin on her face.
>There's a large slush puddle a few few ahead.
>She sees it.
>She sees that you've seen it.
>She's going to slush you up and make Derpy think you look gross.
>When you see Fluttershy dash up ahead, you stop Derpy in your best attempt at that Sailor after WWII kiss.
>She ends up leading because she's a bit stronger than you.
Splash.
>Cheerilee groans loud.
>Time Turner sighs.
>When you break from the kiss, you can see Fluttershy flying away into the night.
>And Time Turner and Cheerilee soaked to the bone.
>"...Every time."
>She grumbles.
>"Every time, the guy ends up being just too splashy."
>Time Turner looks as though he's just been stabbed.
>"Yeah...but I didn't...I mean, you saw it was Fluttershy right?"
>Cheerilee huffs and walks off in her own direction.
>Time Turner twitches and begins kicking at the ground.
>Which leads to him splashing himself more.
>He rips your tie off and kicks it into the mud.
>He starts breathing heavily.
>And then he runs off.
>You look at Derpy, who looks at you and smiles knowingly.
>Jeff Letrotski, Walter and Donnie are on the other side of the street.
>"Tough luck man! But it was a good game!"
>Letrotski looks at the tie in the mud.
>"That really tied the outfit together."
>You sigh and kiss Derpy good night.
 
>You go home.
>With your muddy tie.
>And no chance at taking the romance to a new level.
>Because of fucking Fluttershy.
>And Time Turner...spazzing out.
>He's laying on the floor in the bathroom, wearing your shirt.
>Crying.
"...y-you okay b-buddy?"
>"I. Want. To. Go. Home."
>He's taking deep breaths.
>You kneel down and look at him.
>Not with pity.
>You're in no place to do that.
>He just holds his head.
>"I screwed up man. My own business. Crap. I should've stayed being the timekeeper!"
>He reeks of cider.
>"I mean, I'm not gonna get the capital I need. Short of doing something stupid."
"Hey...man, it's okay."
>"It is not okay. YOU do not GET IT. I -cannot- go back. I can't work for the Mayor again. I need to do this, but I can't go back."
>You take a breath.
"Well I can't go back to where I'm from, except I've got freakin' t-t-tempor...universe science magic crap! So I mean..."
>Your voice cracks a little.
"I mean...I can relate man."
>He just sighs.
>"Fucking Fluttershy. I could've gotten laid!"
>He gives you a look.
>"Do you know how long it's been since I got any stimulation?"
>You don't know.
>You don't really want to know.
>"I coped a feel of the Mayor at a company picnic in the autumn. She was drunk. I was drunk."
>He laughs a little. But then he starts to get blearly-eyed again.
>"...why am I bitching about this in your bathroom?"
"..t-there wasn't a-any room e-elsewhere in the house?"
>He sighs.
>"I gotta get outta here man."
"O-out of P-ponyville?
>"Outta my crap life. I had dreams once, dude!"
>He rolls on his back and looks up at the flourescent bulb.
>"Just...g-go to bed. Sorry if I fucked anything up...I'm going to stay in here."
"I-in the bathroom?"
>"I'm not big on letting men see me cry...and I might puke, try to sober up, open a vein, y'know."
>He forces a smile.
>"Figure my shit out."
>You go to bed.
>Though you are reluctant to do so.
 
>Day. It is 4:30 in the goddamn morning.
>You were dreaming about snuggling with Derpy.
>And talking to Dinky about The Hobbit.
>Because every kid should read that book.
>But now you're awake.
>Why are you awake before your alarm?
>Why are you hearing laughing.
>You climb out of your futon and head over to the window.
>Curtains are down.
>Nobody can look in.
>And outside you can hear Time Turner laughing.
>"...I mean, yeah. I'm all sorts of awesome..."
>And then you hear Fluttershy laugh.
>"O..oh mister...are y-you sure."
>"Please. Do not stutter. Eugh. That's like...brain cancer."
>She whimpers.
>"So, you still have those contacts in the modelling field?"
>You walk away from your window.
>Lay down in your futon.
>And put a pillow over your head.
>Time Turner is outside chatting it up with Fluttershy.
>Nothing good can come from this.
>NOTHING GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS.
>You can see already what's happening.
>She's going to use him to get to you.
>And he's going to...probably use her for her money.
>If she still has money.
>And you're going to suffer.
>That's the predictable thing to do.
>That -fits- them so well.
>...but Time Turner hates Fluttershy and her friends.
>He clearly has more integrity.
>...please. Let him have integrity.
>You take in the scent of your pillow.
>You can barely smell Derpy anymore.
>It's going to be a long week.
>Because of Fucking Fluttershy.