Title:           (808) Early Bird Special (FR) (6)
Author:          Fagdude
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/yadNiRDH
First Edit:      Thursday 3rd of January 2013 01:35:01 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 3rd of January 2013 01:35:01 AM CDT

>Day Everybody's Working for the Weekend. In Equestria.
>You're going to go see a movie tomorrow.
>The remainder of the week went by without incident.
>Well, not entirely true.
>Time Turner's been acting weird.
>Derpy's been acting way  too excited.
>Though it might be a good movie.
>You camped out to see the Star Wars Prequel.
>...That is a depressing comparison.
>You hope Derpy isn't disappointed if The Loveliest Bride isn't great.
>The Cutie Mark Crusade Financial Advisory Board used up the printer toner.
>They're now the Cutie Mark Crusader Mailroom Action Squad.
>You fear them going postal.
>You got some new clothing.
>There's no sign of Fluttershy ever since the incident.
>You were...a little overkill.
>But she was..
>She deserved it.
>If you ever hurt anyone like she hurt you, you'd deserve worse.
>Like ten to thirty years in the system.
>...Man, you got your virginity stolen by a dang pegasus.
>Stop with the bad thoughts.
>Because today is the second best day of the week.
>It's a Friday.
>A casual Friday.
>You are going to dress casually.
>You know what that means.
>Mayor Mare stops you in the break room.
>"...is that a piano neck-tie eight-zero-eight?"
"Y-yes sir!"
>"I had one of those once."
"I'm sure it looked nice on you sir."
>She gets a cone of water from the water cooler.
>"You've been...happy lately. Is something--I don't want to say wrong, but changed?"
>She immediately smiles.
>"Oh! Did you and Fluttershy make it official? Do I hear wedding bells in the future?"
>You chuckle awkwardly.
>"Eight-zer--Anonymous are you choking?"
 
"No! I'm good, just great-how-are-you sir?"
>Calm yourself.
>Don't spaz.
>You're not stuttering,
>"...Did something happen?"
>Her voice is flat.
>Clearly unimpressed.
>You adjust your tie.
"Y-yeah. Sir, she was...k-kind of violent."
>Mayor Mare looks at you like you're crazy.
>"I don't mean to pry, but are you sure you weren't just being a teensy-weensy bit overly-sensitive?"
>You sigh.
>"...though we are talking about Fluttershy, aren't we?"
"Sir, if you wouldn't m-mind...it's sort of personal. But she's why I had to duck out the other day."
>Mayor Mare nods slow.
>She seems disappointed.
>Probably at you.
>But clearly not just at you.
>"Well, I tried to help. I thought she'd like you because you're a lot like her."
>Awful lot of that comment going around.
>"And you didn't seem to be having any fun at the party. And it was the holidays, you should always have fun on the holidays, eight-zero-eight."
"Well...I was so-sorta liking talking to that Twilight unicorn b-before you dragged me aside and--"
>You remember now.
"By the way you splashed me with punch and you n-never offered to pay for d-dry cleaning."
>Mayor Mare blushes.
>"I did?"
"Y-yes sir."
>"Oh my! Why didn't you tell me...I'll take care of that, I am sorry. These things happen."
>You just stand there in the break room for a minute.
>She's trying to recover from the faux pas.
>You're trying to think of something to say.
"We...both sh-should probably get back to work, sir."
>"We really should. How will Ponyville ever run without our guidance?"
>She says it overly-dramatically and smiles.
>It makes you smile.
>The Mayor probably doesn't dislike you.
>And that's good enough for a professional relationship with your superior.
 
>Go back to work.
>Word-of-the-day calendar.
>"Nudiustertian - relating to the day before yesterday."
>Seriously.
>...This word-a-day calendar is very hit or miss with it's magical abilities.
>You tear of today's and look at tomorrows.
>"Gharry - a type of carriage."
>Finish your work in thirty minutes.
>You were that far ahead anyway.
>And you've been doing other ponies work still, just to keep yourself busy.
>And that's all pretty much done.
>Sit at the desk.
>Mail doesn't come for a bit.
>Can't talk to Derpy.
>Wander over to Time Turner's desk.
"H-hey, do you need any h-help or something?"
>Time Turner sighs.
>"Nah, Moose. I got it."
>He grumbles something disparaging under his breath.
>He's been in a weird mood ever since you called him the other day.
>You pull up a chair.
>"I said I've got it, eight-oh-eight."
"...d-did I do something or--"
>That's the wrong approach.
>You've grown as an individual.
"Time Turner, seriously, what's happening?"
>He just sighs.
>"What're you doing for lunch?"
"...probably nothing."
>"Yeah, uh...let's get lunch. I don't really wanna--"
>He just makes a very exasperated expression.
>Like he's a few seconds from exploding.
>He closes his eyes.
>And he grunts.
>"I've got to get back to work."
"O-okay."
>"And Moose, please...please stop picking up the slack."
>That sends a little chill into you.
"Oh...Oh no. Time, buddy I didn't-"
>"Moose, we'll...just not here buddy."
>He types on his little two button type-writer.
>"I just don't want to deal with it while I'm here."
>Oh no.
>He sounds broken.
 
>Derpy shows up before your lunch break.
>She's still overjoyed.
>The Cutie Mark Crusader Mailroom Action Squad are tweaked out on coffee.
>They pounce on her like rabid weasels and Derpy just laughs and hands off a big bundle.
>They attack the bundle in a similar manner and go about distributing it haphazardly.
>Derpy gives you a big grin.
>"Muh-muh-muh-MOVIE TIME!"
>She starts sputtering out a beat box.
>"You excited Moose?"
>You were.
>Your mood's kind of sunk.
>But y'know what?
>It'll still be fun to see something.
"Y-yeah. Might be nice to go see a movie."
>"It's based on true events!"
"That's...great?'
>"And it's got princesses and evil monsters and I know some of the ponies it's based on!"
"That's neat, Derpy."
>"I'ma bring Dinky. And I'ma bring those mailroom fillies, and it's going to be AMAZING!"
>You smile at her.
"That sounds like it'll be amazing."
>"Hey, do you wanna get lunch?"
"Uhm..."
>You look back towards Time Turner's desk.
>He's working diligently.
>Almost furiously.
"I've kinda...g-gotta talk to Time Turner."
>Derpy frowns.
>Her entire head frowns. One eye faces more down than usual.
>Her ears flop.
>Then it reverse entirely back to her normally happy face.
>"How about dinner then Moose? We can have muffins."
"...l-like breakfast for dinner sorta dinner?"
>She claps her hooves to her face.
>"MOOSE THAT IS BRILLIANT! PANCAKES. WAFFLES. TOAST! MUFFINS!"
>Her mind has just been blown.
>You haven't had breakfast for dinner since college.
>When hours blurred together.
"...Sure. Uh, your place or-"
>"Let's do it at your house!"
>Her voice gets all secretive.
>She nudges you in the belly.
>"I've never seen your house. And we've been friends for like FOREVER."
"A-actually, u-under a week."
>She tilts her head.
>"Oh yeah...I'll bring the waffles and the muffins and you make the pancakes!"
"O...kay...then."
>She smiles derpily and then goes to round up the interns.
>You look at the clock.
>Almost time for lunch.
 
>You walk with Time Turner through the park.
>He gets some...taco salad thing from a vendor.
>You just get some chips and a water.
>Walk-and-talk.
>"Mayor Mare found your little spreadsheets."
"...oh no."
>You find a bench and he sits to eat his tin-foil wrapped lunch.
>"And she factored in things like...our somehow increased productivity. Thanks."
>It's a bitter thanks.
>Hateful.
>You sit on the bench next to him.
>Drink some water.
>"And then she asked me what I want out of the next five years of my life?'
>He laughs.
>"Like I'm supposed to have plans for that. Do you have plans for that, Moose?"
>You do.
>Well.
"...I did. And then I ended up here...well, in Canterlot. And then here."
>"Do you have plans now, or not Moose?"
>You lean back on the bench.
"I...do not have any plans. Least of all any thoughts b-beyond Movie Night."
>You suck down some water.
"It's been a long week."
>He nods, solemn.
>"I hear that."
"...you hate me?"
>"Well you're not on my list of favorite ponies, but you're also not a pony. So."
>He makes a wibbly-wobbly hoof motion.
>"I dunno, take that as you will."
"I'm sorry you're going to get fired."
>"Fired?"
"...y-yeah?'
>"Nah man, I'm quitting."
>You almost laugh.
"In a downturn economy?"
>He gives you a weird look.
>You slap your head.
"Sorry...wrong...universe."
>"I was going to say, employment's doing pretty good right now."
>You open your chips.
>"You're good with numbers and stuff, Moose. You want to work with me?"
>This is your first real job offer since Canterlot.
"What'd you have in mind?"
>He grins.
>"Hear me out. Okay. Efficiency management firm."
"But...isn't that sort of why you're quitting? Not being e-efficient..."
>"Well, we could sell clocks. I can build clocks."
>He slaps his butt.
>"My damn special talent is clocks. My formal degree is in marketing."
>He sighs.
>"I'd really rather just be my own boss. Set my own hours. Travel."
"That actually sounds...nice."
 
>"Now obviously I'm not going to quit until I have start-up funds, and the Mayor gets that. She wants to see me give her 110% until I do leave, and frankly that's bogus because what takes me four hours takes you forty minutes."
>He looks at your hands.
>He looks at his hooves.
>"Super unfair advantage you've got."
>You laugh.
"Yeah...but I can't go around naked."
>He looks offended.
>"I'm wearing a tie here, Moose! Don't make this...weird."
>He locks eyes with you.
>You notice this.
>He blushes.
>Oh god.
>What is.
>He's leaning in.
>What.
>He's an inch away from your face.
>"Hey...Moose."
>You open your mouth a little to say something.
>He pulls his head away and grins.
>"See, this is why Minuette keeps making those jokes at me. You're totally into me."
>You laugh.
"Don't flatter yourself."
>"Hey, I'll flatter what I want buddy. I'm not the one wearing a piano key necktie."
"The Mayor liked it!"
>"No Mare likes it."
>He nudges you and laughs.
>"Ah...man. I am going to be so terrible when I am unemployed."
>"How's life without crazy mare?"
"...delightfully sane?"
>"Attaboy."
>He steals some chips from your bag.
>"You wanna screw her still, don'tcha?"
>What.
>"Crazy makes you crazy."
"I'm really not comfortable with this."
>"Hey man. I'm leaving the boring world of politics behind. I am sad enough to say you are up there on the list of individuals I talk to daily that I can vaguely tolerate. We gotta talk about something."
"...c-c-can we talk about Twilight?"
 
>"What the librarian nerd?"
>You blush a little and nod.
"Y-yeah."
>"Ah crap, you're into her?"
"...she has a boyfriend doesn't she?"
>"Well no, but...uh."
>He tries to come up with the right words.
>"You ever move in with a girl?"
>He realizes immediately what he said.
>"Of course not. Okay, you ever have someone come to visit you?"
"Yeah."
>"You know how they bring one bag, maybe two. Just enough."
"Yeah."
>"Twilight's a baggage collector. Buddy, I could tell you stories."
>You roll your eyes.
"Oh, I'm sure."
>"Don't take a stand on this. I know her. I've seen her go full crazy. I mean..."
>He laughs.
>"This whole town. There's a lot of good, honest hard working ponies. And then there's six that are absolutely nuts."
>You eat some chips.
>"I'm serious, buddy! You've got Fluttershy, and you know how that works. Then there's Pinkie Pie and she's almost destroyed the town a few times. Rarity's fine but--"
>He shivers.
>"...I stuck it to her one time. ONE TIME. So immediately, don't go after that. I cannot deal with that thought-"
"I'm not interested in the town tailor...but Twilight seems so-"
>"I'm getting there!"
>He shivers again.
>"Rarity's way too into slavery-play and Celestia forbid you don't kiss up to her all hours of the day. Applejack poisoned a lot of people because she didn't know how to outsource her labor. Don't get me started on the pillar of arrogance that is the Rainbow Dash."
>He exhales.
>"But Twilight...Twilight is the worst."
>"She's the epitome of anti-social. She has to check in with royalty on a weekly-basis to report on Friendship. FRIENDSHIP. Buddy, you and me. This is friendship. We don't have to bother friggin' royalty with it!"
"Yeah...well maybe-"
>"She has mental breakdowns all the time! She made a bunch of parasprites--"
"What's a parasprite?"
>"--think flying mouth. She made them eat the TOWN rather than just the food. And one time she hypnotized everyone, including yours truly; oh and the MAYOR into fighting over a raggedy old doll because she didn't have anything to report!"
"Oh...that sounds-"
>"Buddy if you think I'm done; you should know I'm just starting."
>You get back to work five minutes late with Time Turner.
>He talked the remainder of the break.
>And he had so much to say.
>"But hey, make your own judgments Moose. I've just lived here for a bit. I know what I'm talking about."
 
>Work is uneventful.
>At least Time Turner doesn't hate you.
>If anything he seems somewhat liberated-not broken-about the chance of a better career.
>Minuette on the other hand.
>Or other hoof.
>Whatever.
>Has drawn stallion cocks all over your desk.
>You know it's her.
>Because she's glaring at you from her desk.
>And making a stabbing motion with a marker.
>You mouth to her "I Am Sorry."
>She mouths back to you "I Will Trample You."
>...can't please everyone.
>And it's not like you did anything wrong.
>Efficiency could be increased.
>And unless she quit too
>She probably just got told to work harder.
>You don't feel bad about it.
>Cut out a few minutes early.
>Go to the market.
>Time to burn your entire reserve of funds.
>Griddle. Syrup. Flour. Eggs.
>Buy a wagon from a filly to carry it all.
>Bed sheets, you need those too.
>Some milk. Chocolate chips. Blueberries.
>Newspaper so you look up to date.
>If your house looks like it does now when Derpy shows up she'll think you're a psycho.
>No sheets, furnishings or...objet d'art.
>Buy some ugly looking paintings.
>Markets are fun like that.
>Now you just need something to make you look well-read.
>And you like to read anyway!
>Time to go the library.
>It's a public institution, you might not even run into Twilight.
>And hey, if you do; you can see if anything Time Turner said was true.
>...You know all of that can't be true. Or at least some of it is exaggerated.
 
>A dragon lets you.
>Holy crap. It's a dragon.
>You expected him to be taller.
"Uhm...hey is the librarian here?"
>"She's at the hospital."
>You look around at the walls of books.
"She all right?"
>"She's fine. Should be back soon."
"Oh. C-cool."
>"Sorry to hear about Fluttershy."
>You pale.
>Your voice comes out strained.
"Wh-wh-...what?"
>"What do you mean what?"
>He rolls his eyes.
>"Yeah, she said she fell and gashed the back of her head on a door."
>"She kept asking for you, you're her boyfriend you should probably go talk to her."
>Crazy makes you crazy.
"B-but..."
>You might've really hurt her.
>And you really really didn't mean to.
>But...you've got plans.
>And you're going to have fun with Derpy.
>And tomorrow with Derpy and Time Turner.
>And you're not going to feel bad about some psycho rapist.
>And this is none of some weird dragon's business anyway.
"Uhm...I'll take that into consideration, dragon."
>"Spike."
"Spike. All right."
>Check out a few books that look interesting.
>"Elements of Harmony", "Ghost, Goblins and Ghoulish Figures" and a book on Obscure Unicorn History.
>Spike doesn't even use a stamp.
>"Just bring'em back when you're done."
>...Equestria should really consider some innovations you should recommend.
>Bump into the purple unicorn on the way out.
>She's the one who falls this time.
>You help her pick up books.
>"Sorry I should-"
>She sees it's you.
>"...wow, two bump-ins during one week."
"Y-yeah. S-sorry about that."
 
>She smiles and you begin walking out.
>"Hey! Anonymous."
>You look back at her.
>"I've got a free forty-five minute window open tomorrow if you want to talk bibliographies."
"Oh...I'm busy tomorrow."
>She makes a face.
>"That's fine. I'll fill it up with a rescheduling period--Hey do you want to reschedule a talk?"
"Uhm...Hey Twilight--Miss Sparkle. Is it t-true what uhm...like with the d-doll and that magician?"
>"What're you talking about?"
"I just heard some rumors--and I know this is WAY outta line for me to be asking...but did you r-really make everyone in town fall in love with a doll?"
>She blushes.
>"I...it was a little overblown."
"Oh...did you uhm, also upstage a magician to the p-point where she s-showed up with an evil a-amulet and-"
>"Hey! Trixie's arrogant, and that's not my problem and--why are you asking me all this?"
"It's just some...stuff I heard."
>She is not amused.
>"Well excuse me, Anonymous; but being the Element of Magic is a huge responsibility and things get out of hand and stressful ALL the TIME and maybe---Oh hey, I could write to the Princess about this."
"Sorry for...stressing you out. I've got to go."
>"Wait! Don't you want to help me write this letter? And reschedule a period to talk about books?"
"I'll have to check my schedule to...schedule anything."
>Leave.
>Time Turner might've been telling some truth.
>...why would you write a letter to royalty anyway?
>The cog does not speak to the engine.
>It just turns.
>...Anyway.
>Go home and set up everything.
>Dress up the futon.
>Hang up art. It looks terrible.
>Books on the counter.
>Newspaper on the table.
>Set up the griddle.
>Begin making batter.
>Get back into the swing of things.
>You always liked cooking.
>Never been great at it, but you liked it.
>Knock at the door.
>Open the door.
 
>"Can...can we talk?"
"...I don't have anything to say."
>"B-but..."
>She's got a bald spot and a few stitches.
>"But...now you marked me. L-like I marked you."
>You bite on your lip scar.
>"We're...perfect."
"F-flu-."
>Take a breath.
"Fluttershy, I'm having dinner with someone tonight. Who is not you."
>"...oh. T-t-tomorrow?"
"I'm going to the movies tomorrow. I'm busy all weekend. And I d-don't have anything to say to you."
>"A-aren't you sorry?"
>She rubs a hoof over her stitches and whimpers.
"I'm sorry you got hurt."
>"...aren't you sorry you hurt me? D-don't you wanna ki-kiss it and make Mamma all better?"
"No."
>You smile, it's a weak smile.
"I actually don't...I'm sorry I don't, but...well I'm n-not sorry that I-."
>Deep breath.
"Listen, I've spoken to my friends...and you and y-your friends seem like the crowd to avoid."
>Don't spaz out.
"Even...Twilight. And I thought she was c-cool."
>She glances behind you.
>"...your house looks nice."
"Yes. Yes it does."
>"..wh-who are you having dinner with, mister?"
"Civil Employee Four-Zero-Four of the Postal Service."
>"..w-what?"
"She's a friend."
>"..is she b-beautiful?"
>You quirk a brow.
>"..she-she must be...for you to c-clean your house up like t-that."
"Four-zero-four is a responsible adult, who possibly has a child, and whose company I find enjoyable."
>"..I..I used to be a m-model."
>You let out a little laugh.
"Okay? What's that have to do with anything?"
>"...I was famous...and everypony t-thought I was beautiful...and I ha-have a lot of m-money."
"...so?"
>"How are rich and f-famous and b-b-beautiful pegasi not your f-fetish?"
"Well, I was a virgin until you raped me so I never got to explore my fetishes. So I guess."
>You begin to close the door.
"We will never, ever, never, know."
>You close it to all but a centimeter.
"Now please leave. I want to have dinner in peace."
>Fluttershy harumphs and stomps away.
>Five minutes later, another knock at the door.
 
>Derpy pushes in a child's red wagon filled with covered dishes.
>A little unicorn of the same color palette trots in behind her.
>"Moose, this is Dinky! It's okay that she's here right? She wanted to have breakfast for dinner too."
>The little filly smiles.
>This must...well might be her daughter.
>And it's a unicorn.
>Pony genetics are strange.
>"Hi Mr. Moose."
>You wave a little.
"I still have to fire up the griddle, but I got chocolate chips and blueberries."
>Derpy tilts her head.
>"For...muffins?"
"For pancakes."
>Derpy looks at Dinky.
>Dinky looks at Derpy.
>They both look at you.
>"YOU CAN DO THAT?"
>"Aren't there laws about flavor of that magnitude?"
>"THAT'S AMAZING."
"...it's just pancakes."
>"Mr. Moose, do you know how it might taste?"
>"MOOSE, it'll taste like pancakes but also muffins! No wait. TWO TYPES AT ONCE."
>"Mr. Moose, how are you not a rich and famous pony chef?"
>"TWO TYPES AT ONCE PLUS PANCAKES, you're mad. MAD SMART, MOOSE!"
>It would appear enthusiasm might be a genetic trait for the Hooves clan.
>Before you can even pour the batter on to the griddle
>They've poured all the blueberries and chocolate chips into the mix.
>Well, why not.
>Derpy sings poorly and off-key while you cook.
>Dinky joins in.
>You're not even sure what they're singing, it's that off.
>You make up a decent stack of flapjacks.
>Derpy and Dinky set the table.
>They unwrap their still warm baked goods.
>You wash your hands.
>It's snowing lightly outside.
>A yellow hoof taps on the window.
>"...psst A-anon..is p-pamcakes your f-fetish?"
>You jump back.
"SWEET MOTHER-what...Pancakes, and no. Go away."
>Surprise sucks.
>Close the blinds.
 
>Dinner is fun.
>It is not clean.
>It is not healthy.
>But it is fun.
>Derpy proves that she can indeed, fit five muffins into her mouth.
>You didn't doubt her.
>You didn't need to see it.
>But she needed to prove to you that she could.
>"AHMIKAN"
>She swallows them all and hacks.
>"And I can!"
>Dinky is overcome by the flavor of chocolate chips and blueberries at the same time.
>"They don't taste good together in cookies...or raw...why does this work?"
>"Moose is made of magic, Dinky."
>Dinky is amazed and throws a waffle at you with her unicorn magic.
>It pegs you in the face.
>And slides off.
>Derpy and Dinky look at you.
>They laugh.
>You grin.
"L-less throwing stuff magic...more good at euler circuits and s-stuff."
>Dinky smiles.
>"I dunno what that means."
>Derpy gives Dinky a noogie.
>"It's magic words. He's casting spells."
>Dinky looks around.
>"How come you're not glowing, Mr. Moose?"
>Derpy nods her head subtly towards Dinky.
>It's sort of a quick jagged motion.
>Like frames missing from a film.
"Oh. Uhm. I'm...like...a sympathetic magician."
>"What's that mean?"
"It's a...type of magic."
>"Can you teach me?"
"I already have?"
>This makes the little filly squeal with delight.
>Derpy's leaning a hoof on the table and just looking at you.
>"You're good with kids, Moose."
"Oh...t-thanks Derpy."
>"How old are you anyway?"
>Well.
>You're still young.
>Carded at the liquor store young.
>If you drank.
>It'd be different if you could grow a beard.
"I'm...sorta young for being in my field."
>Derpy smiles.
>"Dinky, go wash up please."
>"Kay!"
>Dinky trots into the bathroom.
>Derpy looks into your eyes.
>You look into the eye that's facing you.
>Then she frowns.
>"Wait. WAIT. Wait...Hold on a second."
"Uhm...what am I waiting fo-"
>She puts a hoof to your mouth.
>She puts the other hoof to her head.
>"...abusive re-relationship...bloody booty...Communication issues--"
>She sighs.
>"You're DATING somepony, aren't you?"
>She grumps.
>"It's Time Turner isn't it? Because of the bloody butt!"
>She whines.
>You're sort of lost right now.
>"Celestia, that's two stallions off the list...And I was just joking with him! He probably thought I was being a BIG OL JERK."
>She lays her head on the table.
>"Aw poop."
"Oh..n-no, I'm not...it was a co--No I'm uhm..not. I'm not any of that."
>Wait.
>She's hitting on you.
>But she's so...
>She immediately perks back up.
>Pulls her head off the table.
>A waffle is stuck to her chin.
>It flops off and falls on the table.
>"Really?"
"Yeah..."
 
>She leans over the edge of the table.
>Getting various breakfast good crumbs into her coat.
>And into her mane.
>And she hugs you.
>Really really tight.
>"Moose, do you want to have pizza?"
"...b-but we just ate."
>She hugs you tighter and rubs her nose against the side of your head.
>"Not now, but...after the movies!"
"S-sure?"
>She whispers into your ear.
>"I promise I won't make your booty bleed."
"Oh, uhm. Whoa. Derpy, I'm--thank you, it is flattering but.."
>She just hugs you.
"...we barely know each other."
>"Aww. But it'll be fun."
>You just sigh and smile.
"How about we get pizza. And just see where it goes from there."
>"Okay! Oh, but we can spend the night?"
"Why?"
>She motions to the windows.
>It's...quite white out.
>"I moved some clouds because I thought you might like a white Hearth's Warming Eve!"
"...t-that was a week ago."
>"Yeah! But it's still pretty, right Moose?"
>You pat her on the back and pull some toast out of her mane.
>You toss it aside.
"Yeah, it's p-pretty..uhm pretty."
>You sigh.
>It's time to end this hug now.
>She's not letting go.
"...Wait, wouldn't...wouldn't this plan of snowing us in also mean snowing Dinky in?"
>She nods.
>She pulls out of the hug and looks at you for a moment.
>She blushes.
>"Oh no. Moose. MOOSE, I didn't think it through."
>And she freaks.
>"I'm normal, I SWEAR. I--I--uhm--"
"Derpy, it's okay..it's fine. Let's just. Clean up."
 
>Dinky cuddles up next to Derpy.
>You lay on the edge of your futon.
>The first time you've got sheets on it in so long.
>And you're stuck on the edge.
>It's hard to get comfortable.
>But it's nice. Quiet.
>If you were to snuggle up against Derpy you'd be warmer.
>And more comfortable.
>...but she might think you were coming on to her.
>And she's got a kid.
>And you don't really know her.
>She's nice and all.
>But it's been less than a week.
>Though back on Earth you've seen people do worse than cuddle after less than a week.
>And that's why you always knock on the bathroom door.
>Even if they're supposed to be at work.
>...
>Well you didn't buy a comforter.
>And you don't have any body hair.
>You snuggle right on up with Derpy.
>You run your hands through her mane.
>She stirs and looks at you through the dimness of the night.
>You find some waffle in her mane.
>Syrup is on par with glitter.
>For the worst thing ever.
>She licks the side of your face.
>You blush.
"..q-q-quit it."
>"You hugged me first Moose."
>Dinky mumbles in her sleep.
>"You're funny."
"I'm also syrupy...I'm going to go shower."
>As you get up Derpy waggles her butt into the area where you were laying.
>"I'll keep it warm."
>She blows a little kiss and smirks.
>Well she has a sense of humor.
>Get in the shower.
>Tap on the little tiny bathroom window.
>This cannot be happening.
>You didn't even get the water on yet.
>Wrap a towel around your naked self.
>Open the window just a smidge.
 
>"A-a-anon...c-c-c-can I c-c-come in?"
"Why are...WHY are you even out there? It's late. And snowing."
>"B-b-but I l-love you."
"...That's not how love works, F-fluttershy."
>"...it's cold outside."
"It's winter. And night. And Derpy thought...localized snow would be romantic."
>Fluttershy twitches.
>"...the mailpony?"
"Yeah. She's spending the night."
>Fluttershy's eyes bulge with a hatred.
>Her lips slap together as she tries to think of something to say.
>"...what's so good about her?"
"She's funny and a pretty cool friend."
>"How come you LOVE her, she's nothing like you."
>Well. Fluttershy just called you lame and not funny.
"I...don't love her, I've known her under a week."
>"You knew me under a week how come you don't love me?"
>Where is the train of logic here?
"Well, I don't fall in love in under a week. And you r-r-raped me."
>Fluttershy shows you her head stitches.
>"Well you marked me!"
"That was an accident."
>She gets this nasty grin on her face.
>"I'm going to tell everyone you beat me."
>You pale.
"It was an accident...And YOU!"
>You're not a broken thing dang it.
>You're a man.
>Don't forget it.
"You...you...took so much. In such a short time."
"I'll..."
>"You'll...l-let me in. And k-kick her out. And it'll be our...uhm."
>"Our little...s-secret, okay mister?"
>You close the window.
>"You're in t-trouble now m-mister."
>Take a shower.
>Go back to bed.
>Snuggle next to Derpy.
>She giggles.
>You need to feel something.
>This is a very serious threat.
>Fluttershy...
>Stare up at the ceiling.
>She...
>She absolutely would.
>Fluttershy.
>She's psychotic.
>This is the game she's going to play?
>She's gone too far.
>And she had already gone -too- far.
>You're going to enjoy this weekend.
>And pardon your French.
>But seriously.
>Fuck Fluttershy.
>That's right.
>FUCK FLUTTERSHY.
>...you're not much of a fighter.
>But you're not going to let the system take you down.
>You work for the system.
>You're the machine.
>You're a number.
>808.
>An essential part.
>You cannot falter.