Title:           This is still a thing?!
Author:          Cerenth
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/hRiz6k4c
First Edit:      Monday 28th of January 2013 08:59:35 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 28th of January 2013 08:59:35 PM CDT

>Day 5 of buzzy baby bouncing ball p0nies in Equestria.
>Due to your accidental splattering of Twilight, the spell on the p0nies hasn’t been removed.
>In fact, quite a few of them are adjusting quite well to their new, low-down take on life.
>They prefer being tiny.
>They eat less, and they claim that lungs are the enemy.
>They protest outside Twilight’s library, saying that lungs simply make them a target for some Fractured Flow guy.
>You have no idea what they’re talking about.
>You just want things to go back to normal.
>After you got raped by Cutiejack when she was derpy she apologised to you.
>She was fine the next day.
>Unfortunately, so was Fluttershy.
>She also came to apologise and guess your fetish.
>At least she can’t break into your house now.
>She’s just too small and weak.
>It makes you smile to hear her slam against the solid wood of your door.
>Today though, you need to go into town to brave the insanity and pick up some food.
>So you get on with your morning routine.
>Triple S rank, baby!
>You head downstairs and get your breakfast of Luna-charms.
>They’re the breakfast cereal of your dreams!
>When you’re done munching on the delicious marshmallow moonbutts you stride open to the door and open it.
>A very tired looking Flutterfly is hovering at head height woozily.
>”Wuzzat... Oh! Hi, Anon! You finally opened the door! I-“
>You slap her out the way.
>Her squishy, tiny body provides no resistance to your well trained backhand.
>Sometimes you just gotta smack a bitch.
>Unfortunately she usually recovers pretty quickly from your regular assaults, and soon enough you hear her buzzing wings chasing after you.
>”A-anon! You accidentally slapped me again!”
“Uh, yeah... I must not have seen you.”
>”Oh, that’s alright... I know I’m pretty small now...”
“What do you want, Fluttershy?”
>You carry on walking as you barely give her your attention.
>”W-well I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date tonight...”
>Wait, it’s not a fetish attempt?
>Has this girl finally learned?!
>Not that you particularly want to stick your dick in the crazy, but you should encourage this kind of behaviour!
>At the very least, you’ll get a free dinner out of it or something.
“Where to?”
>”Alpaca bowl.”
“I don’t smoke weed. Where are we going?”
>”Alpaca bowl.”
“You don’t need to. I don’t do drugs.”
>”N-no! It’s a bowling alley!”
>A bowling alley?
>Awesome! You haven’t gone bowling in forever!
“Yeah, sure, Fluttershy. I’ll see you later, ok?”
>Her face lights up like a kid getting an N64 for Christmas.
>”Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!”
>Aaaaand she’s passed out.
>She flops to the floor.
>Eeeeh... She’ll be fine.
>You carry on with your daily activities.
>You’re gonna smoke those p0nies at bowling later.
 
>You stand outside the bowling alley.
>You look at the neon sign.
>Fluttershy wasn’t lying.
>The name of the place is “Alpaca Bowl.”
>It has a gigantic neon Alpaca head next to the words just to drive the point home.
>You stand and stare some more.
>You can’t believe you didn’t figure this out earlier.
>”Come on, Nonny! I wanna go!” Pinkie Pie screams, hopping around your legs.
>”Yeah, come on tough guy! Show me what those fingers are good for!” Rainbow Dash yells into your ear.
>”Oh, yes... I’m sure you’d love to see what Anon can do with those long, dextrous fingers of his...” Rarity quips.
>Rainbow Dash blushes.
>”I mean- Arrrgh! Let’s just get inside!”
>Fluttershy invited all the girls along for this “date.”
>You’re not complaining, but you don’t think she quite grasps what a date is.
>The poor girl has a lot to learn about relationships.
>You walk into the bowling alley and immediately regret it.
>The entire place is snow themed.
>Tacky white plastic adorns the tops of all the furniture, giving the illusion of “snow” or as you see it, frosting.
>It looks like everything is one of Pinkie’s delicious, yet extravagant cakes.
>Or if you prefer, semen.
>The second thing you notice is the reason why everything is snow themed.
>The staff of the Alpaca Bowl are all, unsurprisingly, Alpacas.
>Except because of Fluttershy’s ball spell, they look like Tribbles.
>Surfer stoner Tribbles.
>”Whoooooa, far out! You’re totally hip, dude!”
>”Man, you’re freakin’ radical!”
>”Awesome look, bro! I’m totally diggin’ it!”
>You didn’t think you’d end up contemplating suicide on the set of a Bill and Ted movie, but now that you look back on your life, you realise it was inevitable.
>You just expected time travel to be more involved with your demise, that’s all.
>You walk up to the reception desk and are greeted by the tiny hairball that’s running the place.
>”Hey, man! You’re looking totally fantabulous today! Welcome to the Alpaca Bowl! Don’t ask us for a doobie though, winners don’t do drugs.”
“You’re telling me you’re all sober?”
>”Nah, man! We’re just high on life!”
>That or glue, you suspect.
“Yeah, uh... We need a lane.”
>”Oh, man! That’s so, like, coincidental! We have loads of those! This is, like, totally super mega destined or something!”
>You resist the urge to facepalm.
>You suspect that if you do, you might do it with such fail induced rage that you’d take your head clean off.
>And then Fluttershy would be free to rape your corpse.
“Yeah, so... Can we have one?”
>”Well, I’m not sure I should give you one like that... But you seem like a cool dude, so sure! Lane 13 is yours, bro! Come back whenever you like! I promise you’ll have a totally tubular time!”
>Wait, did this guy just give you ownership of one of his lanes?
>You’re speechless at this creature’s sheer stupidity.
>Just smile and nod, Anon. Smile and nod.
“Can I get some shoes?”
>You realise after you say that, that they probably don’t have shoes for humans.
>”Oh, sure! Let me just check in the back!”
>The little puffball sprouts four tiny legs.
>He inches himself slowly around in a circle.
>You stand there awkwardly as he struggles to turn himself around.
>Instead of walking off, though, he completes a full revolution.
>By the time he’s facing you again, he has a pair of bowling shoes in your size in his mouth.
“HOW THE HELL DID YOU-“
>”MAGIC!” Pinkie Pie shouts.
>The alpaca just sits there with a goofy grin on his face.
>You snatch the shoes away from the logic defying creature and stomp off to your lane.
>Lane 13.
>You’re not superstitious, but you need all the luck you can get with Fluttershy around.
>So this does not bode well.
>Regardless, the girls and you put your names into the computer.
>Anon thankfully fits into the tiny, four-letter space that they give you.
>Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle just put their initials in.
>AJ struggles to use the keyboard.
>”What’s all these fancy buttons mean?”
>You graciously help her out.
>Rarity is incensed that her name is just too long to fit in.
>”SIX LETTERS IS A PERFECTLY REASONABLE LENGTH!”
>You just let her fume in the corner.
>Pinkie Pie slams her face on the keyboard.
>You’ve seen her do this trick before.
>Unfortunately for her this time, it seems that all she gets is a jumble of letters.
>”Oh phooey! I typoed!”
“What could ‘jxle’ possibly be a typo of?”
>”Anything is a typo! It’s just a really bad one!”
>She’s got a point there.
>Fluttershy is next.
>She stuns you with her rapier wit and puts ‘Dick’ in the console.
>She’s not really very subtle.
>Now that you’re all set up, you’re ready to bowl.
>You pick a ball and take your position.
>You send the ball spinning down the alley.
>You got 7 pins on your first throw!
>Not bad, but you can do better.
>Next up is AJ, and there’s a problem.
>The girls have quickly found out that in their new bodies, they aren’t particularly fit for purpose.
>The balls are bigger than themselves.
>You ask one of the staff members for a child rack.
>It’s a thin metal structure that is supposed to help kids aim their shots and bowl if the balls are too heavy for them.
>The girls agree that it’s a good idea, and you set it in place for them.
>You place Applejack’s ball at the top of the ramp and place her behind it.
>”Whoa, nelly... This is pretty high!”
>Rainbow Dash swoops over, sensing an opportunity to taunt her rival.
>”What’s the matter? Afraid of heights?”
>”Ah’m an earth p0ny! Ah’m meant to be on the ground!”
>”Pfft... This is nothing! I go higher than this in my sleep!”
>”That’s because you live in a cloud mansion, you feather brain!”
>”Girls, please! Get on with your shot! You’re holding us up!” Twilight interjects.
>Twilight always was the voice of reason.
>AJ turns away from Rainbow Dash and faces the ball.
>She pushes it with her forehooves.
>It barely budges.
>She strains with all her might.
>Still nothing.
>Frustrated, she turns around and does to the ball what she does to all her problems.
>She bucks it.
>The ball goes flying through the air and bounces down the alley.
>It barely finds any time on the ground to roll and ends up bouncing clear over the pins.
>Rainbow Dash bursts out in laughter.
>”YOU MISSED!”
>”Ah, shucks. What are the odds o’ that happenin’?”
>You wonder that yourself.
>This lane is starting to give you the heebie jeebies.
>Maybe it’s cursed or something.
>Next up is Fluttershy.
>Ahem... Dick.
>If Applejack struggled to push the ball, you don’t know how she’s going to manage.
>You load her up and stand back to watch the carnage.
>She initially seems quite confused as to how she’s going to push it.
>She tries giving it a buck like Applejack did.
>It doesn’t even deem her efforts worthy of acknowledgement.
>She turns around and looks up at the gargantuan marble orb.
>She looks so sad now – she’s given up.
>She just stares at it as tears form in her eyes.
>Spontaneously the ball rolls down the ramp and plows itself into the pins.
>A strike.
>”GNARLY!” The speakers blare at you.
>It’s accompanied by the smiling face of an alpaca in shades on the monitor.
>You are gobsmacked.
>That ball just felt so bad for Fluttershy that it launched itself down the alley.
>That’s not fair!
>That’s just not fair!
>The other p0nies just cheer her on as she takes her seat once more.
>Next up is Pinkie Pie.
>You load her ball, but when you get close to the ramp she waves you away.
>”That’s not the fun way to play! This is!”
>She tucks her legs underneath her and hops down the ramp.
>She rolls all the way down the alley, squealing and giggling the entire time.
>”WEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee...! *smash*”
>She got a strike.
>Seriously, how are these p0nies better than you?
>They don’t even have fingers!
>”RADTASTIC!” The smiling alpaca screams.
>You want to kill the alpaca that recorded these lines.
>His words are like nails on a surfboard.
>Rainbow Dash is up next.
>You load her ball up, but she flies all the way to the back of the hall.
“Dash, it’s your turn! This is no time for snacks!”
>She’s in the obligatory fast food diner part of the bowling alley.
>A fuzzball in a paper hat greets her as she flaps slowly his way.
>”Hey, babe! Welcome to Alpaca Bowl! Can I help make your day more extreme with some nachos?”
>Rainbow Dash ignores him as she suddenly rockets towards the ball on the ramp.
>”Whoa! Bogus, man! You almost knocked off my hat!”
>Rainbow Dash is focused to intensely to pay any heed to his complaints.
>Her wings pump furiously to propel her with as much force as she can muster.
>Closer and closer she comes to her goal...
>And she arrives with a *splat*.
>Her squishy body carries no structural integrity with it, and instead of imparting her force on the ball, she pancakes on it.
>She looks more like a blue sticker now more than anything.
>The ball takes pity on her and rolls painfully slowly down the ramp and onto the alley.
>It rolls in a perfectly straight line, keeping Dash in line with its path.
>”Ow... Ow... Ow...”
>It squashes her over and over again as it makes its slow progress to the pins.
>When it reaches them it has almost lost all of its momentum.
>It finally putters out when it reaches the first pin.
>It nudges it slightly.
>It topples out of courtesy.
>Rainbow Dash has ended up on the bottom of the ball.
>”Ow.”
>The sweeper arm comes down and moves the ball and the pins out the way.
>It takes a minute, but soon Rainbow Dash arrives in the ball return along with her ball.
>”Oh my gosh, are you alright, Rainbow Dash?”
>Twilight shows immediate concern for her safety.
>Applejack is currently trying to stop her sides from escaping the building.
>You chuckle as well, but peel her off the ball.
>”I’m ok.”
“Sorry Dash, but I think you’re going to have to sit this next one out.”
>”Okay.” She wheezes.
>You set her down on one of the seats and leave her to puff up on her own.
>At least in this form the p0nies don’t really get hurt.
>Next up is Rarity.
“Rarity! Rarity? It’s your turn!”
>Rarity is nowhere to be seen.
>You search around... You can’t see her anywhere.
>Then you look over to the reception desk.
“OH COME ON!”
>Rarity is quite clearly flirting with the alpaca running the desk.
>”Oh my... I bet you could show me all the... special things you can do with your balls...”
>“Oh, totally, babe! I love bowling!”
>”I’d definitely let you alpaca my bowl...”
>”Oh, bodacious! I’m really good at packing things! That used to be my old job!”
>”Oh, I can tell you’re packing...”
>You stomp over to Rarity and haul her away.
“GODDAMMIT, RARITY! CAN’T YOU GO FIVE MINUTES WITHOUT FINDING SOMETHING TO STUFF IN YOUR MARSHMALLOW BUTTHOLE?!”
>”No! I was so close! I had him in my grasp!”
>You’re not sure that anyone was grasping anything back there.
>The desk alpaca just stares into his fringe and keeps talking to the air.
>Did he even know who he was talking to?
>You slam Rarity back into her chair.
>It seems that one of the other p0nies took her go.
>You don’t particularly care.
>Finally, Twilight is up to bat.
>She waves off your offer of aid.
>She uses her magic to levitate the ball onto the rack.
>She uses her magic to adjust the ramp to the exact degree.
>She even got her protractor out.
>Finally, after about a minute of preparation, she’s ready to go.
>”Alright! Now if my calculations are correct, I-“
>*BANG*
>Somehow, for some reason, a bowling ball comes out of nowhere and bounces sideways across the seating area.
>It doesn’t hit anyp0ny.
>Just Twilight.
>It flattens her mercilessly and continues on its bouncing rampage.
>It also knocks her meticulously adjusted stand out of alignment.
>The ball on top of the rack takes this as its cue to make its descent.
>It rolls down the misplaced ramp and straight into the gutter.
>You can taste its disappointment.
>”CAREFUL DERPY!”
>”I just don’t know what went wrong...”
>You look over to see where the rogue ball came from.
>A grey Pegasus blob is getting scolded by an orange earth blob.
>Well, that was unexpected.
>Twilight springs up from the ground and regains her shape.
>”Duh... Did I win?”
>Her eyes aren’t point correctly again...
“Uh... No.”
>”omg u fukin noobz! hax!”
>She stumbles back to her seat and sits down.
>Being stable like that is probably the best thing for her right now.
>Once again it’s your turn.
>You reach for your ball and pick it up.
>You slot your fingers in, and remark that it feels a little wet.
>You line up your shot...
>And realise that your ball has turned into Fluttershy.
>You have your fingers in her nostrils and mouth.
>She smiles a shit-eating grin at you from around your thumb.
>You shrug.
>You continue with your shot, this time putting extra power into it.
>You release Flutterball down the alley and she collides with the pins.
>You got a strike!
>”TUBULACIOUS!”
>You assume that means good.
>Fluttershy comes up the ball return with a souvenir.
>You threw her so hard that one of the pins got lodged in her.
>It impales her right through her mouth and out her cunt.
>You burst out laughing.
>Your sides are moving on their own!
>It takes a few seconds before you realise that you’re the only one laughing.
>You look at the girls.
>You have a blue Pegasus pancake.
>A dizzy pink mare.
>A disgruntled, frustrated marshmallow.
>A derpy magic master.
>An impaled Flutterfly.
>And a very confused Applejack.
>That, and you’re pretty sure this lane is cursed.
“Girls, what do you say we all just go home?”
>They all grunt in agreement.
>You scoop them up in your arms and walk out into the cool evening air.
>They all collectively shudder.
>Rainbow Dash even pops back to her usual form.
>”Say, Anon...”
“Yes, AJ?”
>”Um... It’s kinda chilly tonight... Mind givin’ us a ride?”
“You sure you don’t mind?”
>”Just don’t zip your jacket up so tight this time.”
“Okay. If you say so.”
>You open your jacket and place Pinkie and Rarity on your back.
>Twilight and Rainbow Dash go on your sides.
>You zip up the jacket mostly and place Applejack on your chest.
>They all hug you tightly and wrap their hooves around your body.
>Their squishyness makes them conform to you perfectly.
>You can feel their body heat radiating against you.
>You carry Fluttershy.
>Her eyes are rolled back into her head as she orgasms silently.
>Applejack looks up at you with those cute eyes of hers.
>”Thanks, Anon. This was a great date.”
>You smile and tuck her into your jacket.
>Today was a warm day.