Title:           Post Summer 123456789
Author:          Anonymous
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/QAz2dqz9
First Edit:      Monday 7th of March 2016 02:08:34 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 7th of March 2016 02:08:34 AM CDT

"And that's it, ladies and gentlemen! Dark Boris has repented, and /fit/ are your 2016 4chan Winter Cup champions with a thrilling 4-3 victory! Everybody activate those almonds, do some squats and stretch those glutes, because you've finally made it, brahs, the cup and the star are all yours! Oh, commiserations to /u/, you fought so hard and broke that quarter final curse, but you just fell short of the prize."
 
 
 
Boris unlocked the door to his house and went inside. As he closed the door and flicked the light on, he took off his rigdora and leather jacket and hung them up onto the hooks on the wall. He dragged his body to the couch and flopped over it, exhausted from three intense weeks of the cup.
 
He cracked a small smile at the fact that he could take a well-deserved break until the Summer Cup started, since Sou and his friends would help run the Fetus and the Babby Cups. His smile faded as he remembered what was supposed to happen.
 
"How come the dose didn't work?" Boris thought.
 
Worried, he got up off of the couch and walked to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he found a few unopened bottles of Jack Daniel's in one of the shelves. "Might as well," he grumbled, grabbing a bottle. He didn't bother getting a glass, he was content of swilling the bottle and letting his worries go away.
 
Boris sat down on his couch, forcefully opened the bottle, and took a big swig of the liquor. The rigger was so used to the whiskey that he didn't even notice the alcohol, just the taste of caramel and molasses. He paused and swallowed his mouthful, then took another swig.
 
Within 15 minutes, Boris felt a little better, having drained about a fifth of the bottle. He placed it down on the coffee table in front of him. Just as he did, he heard a knock at the door. He got up, feeling a little dizzy, and walked slowly to his door.
 
"Who is it?" he asked, resting his head on the door.
 
"It's me," Boris heard the voice of a female outside. Despite being buzzed, he still had enough brain power to comprehend why a woman would be at his house this late.
 
"Hang on, I'm-a just unlock the door here..." Boris said, fiddling with the latch. He got it undone (somehow) and opened the door.
 
He gulped at who he saw.
 
Standing in her usual outfit, slightly downcast, with her hands behind her back, was Keksandra.
 
"Hey, Keksandra, what's up?" Boris greeted, hoping that the woman wasn't here for what he thought she was here for.
 
The woman looked past Boris, noticing the darkness inside his house. "Um, maybe I should come back tomorrow, you must be really sleepy..." Keksandra explained.
 
Boris paused and shook his head. "No, no, I'm all good, come inside," he said, showing her in. As he watched her walk inside, Boris followed and flicked the light on in his lounge. Keksandra sat on Boris's sofa, noticing the bottle of Jack Daniel's on his coffee table.
 
"Is that alkyhol?" Keksandra asked.
 
"Yup," Boris hiccuped, sitting down next to her. "You want some?"
 
"I guess..." she said, picking up the bottle. Without knowing how high the proof was in it (or what 'proof' was), she drank some of the alcohol as if it was a soda. The taste got to her instantly. Keksandra almost spat it out, but she held her hand over her mouth and kept it in.
 
"Pretty strong stuff, you should be careful," Boris said as Keksandra placed the whiskey bottle down on the table.
 
Keksandra nodded and, with great difficulty, swallowed the mouthful. She coughed and stuck out her tongue. "Yuck, it burns," she wheezed.
 
"I should have warned you first," Boris said.
 
"No, it's okay," Keksandra replied, gulping some spit to rid her mouth of the strong taste. "I've never had any alkyhol before."
 
Boris slumped back into the sofa and sighed. "I think I know why you're here," he muttered, anxiously awaiting Keksandra's reply.
 
Keksandra looked down, crossed her legs and held her hands together. "Why didn't it work? You said I was gonna win the cup this time, but we lost in the quarter finals again," she asked.
 
The rigger hiccuped and rubbed his temple. "I've been wondering that since I got back here. I thought the dose was perfect," Boris groaned.
 
"But you said that's how /mlp/ won in Summer," Keksandra said. "Why didn't it work for me? I thought I was gonna make dank memes greater again." She leaned forward and grabbed the Jack Daniel's bottle, looking at the liquid inside.
 
"Well, we'd been working on making that dose perfect for years," Boris explained. "We thought that when they won in Summer, we'd gotten it right. Then I realized it was a bad idea to keep using it on /mlp/..." He watched Keksandra raise the bottle to her lips and take a quick sip of whiskey. "Thought you didn't like it."
 
Keksandra swallowed the whiskey and coughed a few times. "I kinda like the taste, there's something nice in it," she explained, "but it still burns." She offered the bottle to Boris.
 
Boris nodded and took the bottle, swirling the whiskey inside it. "Mix some with a Pepsi, it won't burn so much," Boris suggested, taking a swill from the bottle.
 
Keksandra took the bottle back and rested the bottom of it on her lap. "I thought /mlp/ won a cup a few years ago, did you give them a dose?" she asked.
 
"Yup, we did, but that was a Babby Cup," Boris said. "There was some shit with Dragongate and some of them wanted /mlp/'s trophy removed because Dragonfag was one of their testers. Didn't want all that effort going to waste, so we *hic* let them keep it."
 
Taking another, more larger, swig from the bottle, Keksandra dragged her fingers through her hair and burped. "Heh, whoopsie," she giggled. "Woah, I feel a bit funny."
 
"That's the whiskey kicking in," Boris mumbled, hiccuping again.
 
"What about when /mlp/ got relegated?" Keksandra asked. "Wasn't there some weird thing where all the good teams sucked?"
 
"Worst damn cup ever, am I right?" Boris asked.
 
"It was not nice cup. Nobody was scoring except me, because I was soooo good," Keksandra replied. "Wasn't it funny when they said 'she'll get it' and then I really did?"
 
Boris chuckled slightly. "Yeah, /pol/, wasn't it? Good match," he said. "Anyway, yeah, that cup was terrible. We were experimenting with improving the dose and I assumed we fucked it up, so we used... whatever we did in Winter to get /mlp/ back up while all the others continued being shit."
 
"But not me, we stayed up because we're awesome," Keksandra said, sipping from the bottle again.
 
"You might want to slow down a bit," Boris recommended.
 
Keksandra covered her mouth and burped. "Sorry, but this stuff's ebin," she apologized, placing the bottle down on the coffee table. Half a bottle of the alcohol still remained.
 
"Anyway, I'm kind of thinking that our whole dose thing is meaningless," Boris explained. "Starting to think /mlp/ are just being lucky shitters."
 
Keksandra kicked her legs up and down and placed her hands on the sofa. "Oh..." she simply said.
 
"I guess I should apologize, then," Boris said glumly. "I hope you're not upset."
 
Boris expected some sort of acceptance, but he was surprised to heard laughter coming from Keksandra. He looked over at her. She had the bottle in her hand again and she'd taken another drink. Or two.
 
"Don't be such a silly dumdum, you dumdum," Keksandra giggled. "You want to say sorry 'cause you fugged me? You're so funny!"
 
"No, not because of that, because you were mis... uh, fuck, what's the word..." Boris replied, his boozed-up mind struggling to think of the right word.
 
Keksandra downed another mouthful of the whiskey and hiccuped a few times. "Ohhhh, I getcha, I getcha, that's okay and all," she replied, offering the bottle to him. "You want?"
 
"You should probably stop drinking," Boris said to her, noticing that the alcohol was making her a bit louder than usual. He took the bottle from her and quickly swallowed some more of the whiskey, which was now a third full.
 
"D'ya wanna play a game or something?" Keksandra offered. "Oh, I know, let's play alkyhol poooong!"
 
Boris felt the heavy load of worry lift off of his chest, replaced by warmth and confidence. He passed the bottle to Keksandra. "But we're already drunk..." he said.
 
"Let's get drunker then, dummy!" Keksandra laughed, draining another mouthful of whiskey. "Wew, this stuff's AWESOME!"
 
"Heeey, there's the Keksandra we all love," Boris cheered, stumbling to the kitchen to grab some plastic beer cups.
 
 
 
At both ends of the table were six red cups half-filled with diluted Jack Daniels and a bunch of ping pong balls. Boris and Keksandra stood at each end of the table, feeling a bit dizzy and having some difficulty trying to stay standing.
 
"Alright, I'm-a gonna go first, watch this," Boris said, hurling his first ping pong ball. To his disappointment, it bounced off the rim of one of the cups at the back of the setup and dropped to the floor.
 
"Ayy, you missed! My turn!" Keksandra laughed. She focused on her throw, despite her somewhat out of focus vision making it difficult to stay still. Keksandra tossed the ping pong ball and watched as it landed in the middle cup.
 
"Daaaamn, good shot!" Boris said, picking up the cup and swilling the contents. He scrunched the cup in his hand, ping pong ball still trapped it in, and tossed it on the floor. "How pissed you think we're gonna get?" he asked.
 
"I dunno, this is fu-u-u-u-n..." the woman replied. "Like memes, like, but they look FUNNY and stuff..." She watched as a ping pong ball landed in the front cup. "Aw, shoot, time to drinky!"
 
Keksandra grabbed the cup and downed it in seconds, before throwing it away. She took another ping pong ball and, despite a larger impairment in her vision, she nailed another perfect shot into one of Boris's cups. Boris drank it, and the game continued.
 
Soon, one cup remained on either side, but the ridiculous difficulty in nailing a ping pong ball into the final cup was reaching impossible levels.
 
Keksandra held her ping pong ball and tried to focus on one of the three cups in her vision, providing her own commentary on the events. "Here'sh Keksandra, she's, she's a proFESSIONAL, *hic* and she's gonna win the GAME..." she said.
 
"Nawww, you ain't gonna make that," Boris laughed.
 
The woman threw the ping pong ball, albeit very weakly and much too high. The ball bounced in the middle of the table and inched closer to the cup. On the seventh bounce, the ball jumped up and landed on the rim of Boris's last cup, then dropped into it.
 
Boris looked into the cup and saw that, indeed, the ball was floating in the whiskey. "Didj... didja, dude, no frickin'..." he slurred, before breaking out into laughter. "Does that count?" he asked.
 
Keksandra joined in with the laughter. "I-I dunno, I think I woooon!" she guffawed.
 
"Hell yeah, you won!" Boris cheered, lifting the final cup to his face and missing his mouth completely, spilling the whiskey all over his shirt. "Shit, daaaamn."
 
"Clumsy dumsy wumsy!" Keksandra laughed.
 
"Naw, shit, gotta take off this damn shirt now," Boris said. He lifted the shirt over his head, but found it hard to actually get out of it because of how tipsy he was. Keksandra stumbled over and pulled the shirt off of him, exposing his chest and stomach.
 
"Woaaah, you've got hair all over it!" Keksandra said.
 
"Yup, how ya like that, eh?" Boris chuckled. "Almost makes ya want me, am I right?"
 
Keksandra's eyes narrowed as she stared at Boris's hairy chest. She started to giggle, then she laughed. "Yeaaaah!" she agreed. "How about I show you myyyyy chest too?"
 
"Sure, let's see what you got," Boris slurred.
 
"Oh, oh, oh my gosh, I have this EBIN idea," Keksandra said, lifting the hem of her dress to her waist. "How about, how, how about this, we go to your room..."
 
 
 
Boris felt as if somebody was driving a spike through his head.
 
"Fuuuuck, my head," he groaned, rolling over to check his alarm clock. 12:48, it read. "Never again."
 
He became aware of a lack of clothes on his body, including the lack of underwear. He looked on the floor. Among the pile of clothes that were his, he saw a purple dress, a Top Kek hat, and some black flats.
 
"Uhhhh, fug... my head's hurty," Boris heard somebody moaning beside him. He looked to his right. There, he saw a woman, also naked, he could recall playing beer pong with the previous night.
 
"K-Keksandra, what happened?" Boris exclaimed, covering up his chest.
 
"Ow, don't be loud," Keksandra groaned, sitting up. She didn't bother to cover up her chest.
 
"What did we do?" Boris asked, feeling a little bit panicked.
 
Keksandra looked into the distance, trying to remember some of the events from before. "Uh, I came here because of the dose thing..."
 
"Yeah, all that I remember, but what happened after the beer pong?" he asked her.
 
"U-um, we were all drunky and then I said we should fug and you were like 'Hell yeah, let's do it' and stuff," she explained, doing her best Texan accent to impersonate Boris, "and then we fugged in the bed, you were really really excited and liked it."
 
Boris fell back and stared at the ceiling. "God..." he said. "What kind of sex?"
 
Keksandra rubbed her shoulder. "Um, uh, it was, like, you said 'Suck my benis' so I did and when you put the salty stuff in my mouth, you fugged my bagina and then my butt and I got salty stuff there too, then we fell asleep."
 
"Fuck, did you say I put cum in your..." Boris panicked.
 
"No, no! Not there, just my butt, you said you 'can't get none of mah stuff out' and went into my butt and you did it there," Keksandra clarified hastily.
 
Boris closed his eyes and put his hands on his face. "Oh, god, I'm sorry," he groaned.
 
Keksandra cocked her head. "Why are you apologizing? It was fun and it felt really good," she asked.
 
Boris sat up again, remembering how Keksandra had the same logic in mind when he apologized for her being misled about the dose. "Sorry, drunken sex can be bad sometimes, I was hoping I didn't hurt you," he said.
 
"It's okay, I liked it a lot."
 
The rigger placed a hand on her shoulder. "You still forgive me for the whole dose thing, right?" he asked.
 
"Yeah, I do. It's still ebin that my team is good," Keksandra said, smiling cheerily. "You're right about working hard, because that's why /fit/ won, right?"
 
"Guess you're right," Boris agreed, nodding. "So, you gonna go out and enjoy the spring break?"
 
Keksandra smiled and hugged Boris, who hugged her back. "Yeah, I'm gonna make a lot of ebin memes and then we'll win Summer!" she said.
 
Boris felt his penis growing under the sheets as Keksandra's breasts squished up onto his chest. He pushed back and smiled. "Hey, I'm thinking..." he said.
 
"Huh?"
 
"You wanna have one more round just for kicks?" Boris offered. "I've got a condom if you want little Boris to go exploring your cave again."
 
The woman blushed at the offer, and then began to giggle. "You're funny! Okay, Mr. Big Guy, let's have more fun," she agreed, watching Boris reach into his bedside drawer and pull out a foil package.
 
Peeling it open, Boris reached into the metal package and pulled out the condom. Slipping it snuggly over his cock, he climbed onto Keksandra and smiled. "Get ready for your dose," he chuckled.
 
"Thanks, Doc."