Title:           NightMareMoon vs. Anons Parents by Oilbird
Author:          Anonymous
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/XXLbw0AG
First Edit:      Monday 8th of February 2016 05:00:17 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 8th of February 2016 05:00:17 PM CDT

>”A horse?! Are you seriously telling me you’ve hooked up with a fucking horse?!”
>Squeezing your eyes shut, your hand finds its way to your face.
>She’s going to lose it if he keeps going on like this.
“Dad, just shut up-”
>”Don’t you talk to me like that, boy! You brought an animal-that you’ve MOLESTED-into MY house, I’ll say whatever I damn well please!”
>Shit.
>Cracking an eye open, you look over at Nightmare Moon to see how she’s handling it.
>Her lips are but a thin line on her muzzle and her eyes are narrowed just the slightest bit.
>Ho yea.
>She’s pissed.
>To her credit, it hasn’t gotten hard to breathe yet, so she’s controlling herself rather well.
>Your father continues his tirade, having no idea just what kind of danger he’s putting himself in by insulting the God-Empress of Equestria.
>“I always knew there was something wrong with you. Would it kill you to act like your brothers, for once in your life? At least they’re normal!”
>Aaaaand it’s begun.
>”We see your sire is as crude as you once were, Ogre.”
>You can almost feel the frost coming off Nightmare’s words.
>”...If you think you’re going to disrespect ME, horse, then you can get your moon speckled ass and my horse fucker son out of my house!”
>The temperature noticeably drops with every word.
>”You speak of disrespect?” Nightmare’s hoofsteps accentuate her words as she approaches your father, her wings spread.
>“Perhaps you need to be educated as to who you speak ill of, mortal.”
“Nightmare! You promised!”
>She looks back at you, her barely controlled fury raging behind her eyes, begging you to let her kill him.
>It’s a look you’ve grown used to.
>’No murdering your family.’
>That was the one rule you got her to agree to, when she demanded you bring her to see your family.
>In retrospect, you should have said humanity annihilated itself in nuclear war when she told you about the portal…
-
“Hang on, hang on, it gets even better!”
>Gesturing wildly with your egg sandwich-the closest you can consistently get to human food-you continue your story.
“So, she’s scrabbling against the wall, and I’m slowly approaching her, doing the big hulking monster thing, and she looks back, and says, ‘Wait! If I give you what you want, will you let me go?’ and then she lifts her tail!”
>Across the dinner table, Nightmare spears a portion of her salad with a levitating fork, a smile dancing on her lips.
>”The mud pony believed her disgusting nethers could tempt Our champion? We presume you paid the insult back in kind.”
>You hastily swallow the half-chewed bite you’ve taken.
“Even better! I made her think I was going for it! I said something like ‘good girl,’ grab her by her tail, and fumble with my belt a bit.”
>You pantomime the motions in the air in front of you.
“I give her a moment for the shame of what she’s doing to fully hit her, then I yank her down by that tail and slap the cuffs on her!”
>The Empress of Equestria giggles away, her worries of the ‘day’ forgotten.
>Right now, there’s no rebellion, no looming crop failure, no potential apocalypse if you can’t find Tirek before he gets the magic eating thing going...
>Just the strangest couple in Equestria, enjoying a nice meal together.
>...Yea.
>Helping her beat Twilight and company was the right choice.
>Her mirth vanishes at once, seemingly randomly.
>A normal Nightmare mood swing.
>”We wonder, Brute, if you would still retain your loyalty to us were it a human mare tempting you, rather than a pony.”
>...What?
>Alright, you can see why the ‘other mares tempting you’ story could make her get all insecure, but...is she really worrying about impossible scenarios?
“Nightmare, there’s only room in my heart for one mare, woman, female, of ANY species, it doesn’t matter. And the being there is you.”
>If you’ve learned anything about reading her subtle facial expressions, then the look she’s giving you says she remains unconvinced.
>With a sigh, you go on.
“Nightmare, even IF another human somehow appeared, if they didn’t immediately pledge fealty to you, I’d kill them myself.”
>Yea, right. You killing anyone.
>That’s a laugh.
>You can’t even bring yourself to keep mouse traps armed.
>Still...she’d probably make you do it, to see if you’re capable...
>Luckily, you’d never have to worry about seeing another human again, thus avoiding that horrible experience entirely.
>Giving you a small smile, her horn ignites, “So you say. Tell us, what do you make of this, Beast?”
>An old, photograph levitates over to you, her aura cutting out the moment your fingers touch it.
>Perks of being mostly immune to magic.
>Glancing over the black-and white photo, you see it looks like some generic shot of a city.
“Um...I don’t know. Looks kind of like Manehattan to me.”
>”That is what we thought as well before a consistent spelling mistake in Dearest Sister’s records forced us to re-examine the picture. Pray, look closer in the upper-left corner.”
>Squinting your eyes a bit, you peer at the specified corner, seeing some sort of statue.
>Wait a minute...is that…?
>No.
>It can’t be.
>You know Equestria has a statue that’s very similar-you must be imagining fingers, there.
“Nightmare...what was the spelling mistake?”
>”She spelled Manehattan without the ‘e’.”
>Your arm holding the photo goes limp, banging against the table.
“That’s the Statue of Liberty…”
>”We were correct in presuming this photo is of your world, then?”
>Dumbstruck, you look at Nightmare, your jaw slightly agape.
“Yea, it is...how did you get this?”
>Vaguely, you recall making fun of people on the internet two years ago, on Earth, when they said they ‘couldn’t even.’
>But damn if you can’t even, right now.
>”According to her archives, more than a century ago, my Dearest Sister discovered a stable portal that leads to your world.”
>”The records go on to say she spent a time pilfering your people's technology, until it became too dangerous to continue. That photograph was taken by one of her agents.”
>You blindly grope at the table until you find your wine glass, your eyes still locked on the photo.
>That...that’s home.
>Yea, ok, you spent...years wanting to SOMEHOW make it to Equestria.
>But...once you made it here, you found there were lots of things from Earth that you missed...like meat, for example.
>Finding your glass, you gulp down its rather copious contents, setting it down with a thud.
“Alright...did she say why she decided it was too dangerous?”
>A servant appears out of seemingly nowhere and refills your glass before you’ve even finished your question.
>“Neigh. She halted operations over seventy years ago. According to your peoples calendar, it was the year One thousand, Nine hundred and forty-five.”
>The laughter returns in Nightmare’s eyes, “Pray tell Brute, is it true your people have not even existed for a paltry two millennia?”
“No, no, we uh...counted backwards for a while. Don’t ask me why.”
>You take another swig of wine.
>So she quit during 1945...oh.
>Cellybeans was terrified of the A-bomb. Like...anyone sensible should be.
>Still...that means you should be able to score a few points with the Empress.
“I know why she stopped, by the way. It not dangerous, or I wouldn’t be here. We just made a weapon that used the same thing that powers her sun.”
>Nightmare lets out a short, barking laugh, devoid of any humor.
>”We knew she was naught but a coward the moment she wielded the Elements against her own sister.”
>With that, she returns to her salad, spearing the assorted greens with a vengeance.
>The two of you continue your meal in silence, the jovial mood spoiled.
>Once she finishes her meal, she signals a pair of servants to replace both of your plates with dessert and coffee.
>She only speaks again once you have a mouthful of cake.
>”We have decided. If this world is as safe as you say, then the two of us shall visit it tomorrow.”
>The cake somehow manages to lodge itself in your esophagus, sending you into a coughing fit.
>...That’s totally it.
>It has nothing to do with what she just said, nor the thought of her-the god-empress with a predilection for going Darth Vader on ponies-wandering around on EARTH.
>Not to mention that, as far as humanity’s concerned, she’s a fictional goddamn character!
>Gasping for air once you can breathe again, you blurt out,
“You’re joking, right?!”
>She raises an eyebrow, “We would think you would be enamored that We wish to grace your homelands with Our presence. Especially after the tales you’ve told Us of that world.”
>You’ve always made sure to tell her the truth about Earth, right?
>Right?
>Oh hell, you don’t remember!
>You KNOW you didn’t mention that there’s a cartoon show about what would’ve happened if she lost.
“I...that’s not the issue, Nightmare. You know I’d love nothing more than to show you where I came from. But...if we BOTH go?”
“Wouldn’t the rebellion attack the moment they found out? Not to mention the government would shut down without either of us being here.”
>She waves a hoof dismissively.
>”The empire is not so fragile as to collapse should we take a night or two off. The two of us have worked hard for this stability, it is time we enjoy it. Besides,”
>Her eyes flash, “It is not as though We would need to worry about lowering the moon.”
>Well...crap.
>You can’t really keep arguing about this without bringing up the fact that she’s not supposed to be real.
“Alright. Just as a fair warning, though, Earth has a lot of languages. Depending on where we show up, I might be just as lost as you.”
>She takes a sip of her coffee, “That is of little concern to us. We will simply move to a place that speaks your native tongue.”
>You turn to your cake, your mind racing.
>Let’s see...maybe you’ll be able to convince her to disguise herself when you get there.
>Especially if it’s not going to be any sort of official visit.
>If not...well, you’ll be in trouble.
>”Besides…” Nightmare speaks up, pulling you back to the present. “If we are to make you our king, it is only fitting that we meet the creatures that spawned you.”
>...
>Aaahhh!
“That’s a bad idea! That is a VERY bad idea, Nightmare!”
>She looks at you, her raised eyebrow complementing the dangerous edge coating her speech, “Which? We suggest you chose your next words carefully, Beast.”
>...Wait, hang on, what was that about making you her king?
“The...visiting my family? They’re uh...not the nicest people. In any way shape or form.”
>She snorts, any potential threat of violence vanishing,
>”You’re implying my sister is any better, Ogre.”
>Well...you suppose they didn’t exactly lock you in solitary confinement for a millennium, so she has a point there.
>Still...it’s not exactly like you were their favored child.
>She speaks again, her voice as warm and comforting as it can get for her.
>“Brute...we are no stranger to horrendous family. If they are as terrible as you seem to think, then we will abandon them to their short, sad lives. Perhaps even do to them, what you helped do to Dearest Sister.”
>She’s not going to say no to this.
>You can’t blow all your ‘political capital’ on this, if you expect to keep her from causing a panic.
“Alright. But I gotta ask. Why do you want to spend the night visiting THEM, specifically? We could be doing any number of more productive things, like getting weapon technology.”
>”In truth, Ogre, morbid curiosity. We wish to see what kind of creatures could have created such a monster as yourself.”
-
>You aren’t used to the wheels of bureaucracy turning this fast.
>Normally, it can days for a decision to work its way through the castle and out to the government at large.
>Well...when you aren’t threatening to drag ponies off to the dungeon for insubordination, anyway.
>But when the Empress herself gets involved, all the red tape “magically” disappears.
>Now, barring Discord’s return (again), the country could run autonomously for the next week.
>As you hang on to the side of Nightmare’s chariot for dear life, you can see the Lunar Guard is out in force, swarming the streets and skies of Canterlot.
>...Aaand now you regret looking down.
>Something touches your back, causing you to jump, your hands scrabbling against the side to keep whatever that is from dragging you away.
>That ‘something’ turns out to be less “trying to push you off to your death” and more “snuggly, warm, and keeping you safe.”
>Tearing your gaze from where your splattered corpse would be if you fell right now, you see it’s Nightmare’s wing, securing you against her side.
>”What’s wrong, Troll? Have you developed a fear of heights?”
>She’s kidding, right?
“Nightmare, there’s no back to this thing! If one of those guys,” you point at the pair of stallions pulling the chariot, “screw up, I’ll fall and you won’t exactly be able to catch me!”
>She frowns, looking rather hurt, “You truly believe We would leave your well-being to chance? We would not have chosen this method of travel if there was even a possibility of you being injured.”
>No pet name.
>Woops.
>She took that personally.
>Your stomach twists as that sinks in...that’s worse than angering her, in your book.
>At least when she’s angry, you can just say Nightmare’s earning her name.
>This is just makes you feel like a dick.
>Pushing aside the fear still gripping you, you tear one of your hands from the side of the chariot and stroke over her furred cheek.
“I’m just nervous that my world isn’t going to live up to your expectations, is all. I might have hyped it up a bit. Not to mention my family…”
>I’m sorry for taking it out on you, sweetheart.
>Her frown takes on a different flavor, ”Doubt us again, Brute, and We’ll throw you from this chariot Ourself.”
>I forgive you, now give me a hug.
>Complying with her unspoken request, you pry your other hand free and entwine it around Nightmare’s foreleg.
>...So you can still hold on to something.
>After all, showing any sort of affection in front of other ponies would be horrendously improper.
>She lets you hold onto her leg until the chariot lands beside an inconspicuous cave-no markings, nothing covering the entrance…
>No hint that this place contains a gateway to another world.
>Makes sense, according to Celestia’s odd brand of logic.
>There’s no reason to guard something if no one knows there's something that needs to be guarded.
>The fact that you two are here is proof of just how well that policy worked.
>”Come, Brute,” Nightmare stands, pulling away from your grasp as she leaves the chariot.
>Following, you just barely catch her giving the pair of thestrals that carried you here a nod.
>You’d see if she gave them any more praise, but you’re too busy pulling out your wallet for a last minute check.
>Following Nightmare’s large, purple rump as she enters the cave, you flip through the various cards.
>You’re so glad you kept them for sentimental value.
>...Huh.
>Most of these are still valid.
>Well, that’s one major obstacle out of the way.
>Once the light of the perpetual full moon has been replaced by the softer light of Nightmare’s horn, you hear the rustle of wings behind you, the only sign that your escorts are leaving.
>Which means the two of you are alone, now.
>Putting away your wallet, you look over the armored form of your marefriend.
>Yep...she’s wearing THAT outfit again.
>Probably not a good sign.
“Soo...Nightmare? We need to discuss some rules.”
>She stops and looks back at you, an eyebrow raised, “YOU have rules for US to follow? Do you forget your place, Ogre?”
>Your place?
>She does remember this is YOUR world, right?
“That’s...not what I meant. This is a world without magic, so...everything’s kind of backwards. I just want to keep the magic immune apes from panicking when they see something they can’t explain.”
>She continues on in silence, the only sounds being the clip clop of her hooves echoing off the stone walls.
>It’s only once you’ve given up hope of a response, do you continue on.
“For example, the sun still exists there...and physics works differently. If you get rid of it, everyone’s gonna die. Including me.”
>That gets her attention.
>She stops cold and turns to glare at you, her wings spread wide.
>“What are you implying, Beast? That my sister’s heresy has blinded yet another world? That We should allow that travesty to persist?! That We should bathe in its disgusting, blinding light?!”
>Ho boy.
>That crazed look in her eyes...she looks like she’s about to lose it.
>This is a bad idea...you should have brought this up BEFORE you were on the way out here.
>Your back bumps against the cave wall-you were backing up without realizing it.
“Nightmare, this sun was around long before Celestia was. In fact, Earth orbits IT, not the other way around. I told you, everything’s backwards.”
>Is it colder in here, or is it just you?
>Her sides heave as she processes that information, the wheels in her head turning.
>Slowly, her wings settle back in against her side, even though that look of instability, like she could go off at any second, doesn’t fade in the slightest.
>Through clenched teeth, she speaks, her tone screaming that she’s barely in control right now, ”What else do we need to be made aware of?”
“Well, ponies don’t exist there, so you may want to disguise-”
>”Neigh.”
>She whirls around and continues her journey down the cave, moving just under a trot.
>The image of humans rioting at the sight of a real, live alicorn runs through your mind.
>Worse yet, a few of them drooling and trying to grope at their waifu.
>Shaking your head to clear those thoughts, you break out in a jog to catch up with her.
“No? What do you mean no? Nightmare, please, just listen to me for a second.”
>Without looking back, she spits out, “If We are going to endure being seared alive by the SUN, then We shall do it on Our terms. You recognized Our splendor when you first laid eyes on us. They shall do the same.”
>Her tone screams that this is not up for negotiation.
>Smartly, you shut up and instead focus on the fact that your breath is fogging in front of you, despite it being the middle of July.
>Maybe, “You have to put up with the thing you hate most in the world,” wasn’t the best line to open with.
>She pauses in front of a seemingly random section of cave wall.
>“We will discuss any further REQUESTS of yours as they become relevant, Beast. Once your “nervousness” abates. Now come.”
>Her horn flashes, and the rock wall ripples like water.
>”Your world awaits.”
>Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes.
>Don’t think about how badly this could go…
>Think about what doesn’t exist here, that you’ll get to see again.
>Like TV! And the internet!
>She’d probably squeal like a schoolgirl if you showed her pictures from the Hubble Telescope.
>The thought of her grinning away in wonder gives you the strength you need to place your hand on her withers and step through the portal together.
>You’re met with a blinding light.
>Dazzled, you squeeze your eyes shut, covering them with a hand.
“Aaahh! What IS that?”
>”That, my Brute, is the sun.” Nightmare speaks up next to you, sounding like she’s trying not to burst out laughing, “Now you know how We felt, every time Dear Sister raised it.”