Title:           [RGRE] Benevolent Sexism
Author:          AnalPlugAnon
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/zCJUdMNM
First Edit:      Wednesday 13th of January 2016 02:19:49 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Saturday 9th of April 2016 01:58:39 PM CDT

>"But Anon! How in Equestria do you sleep at night!"
>You sigh heavily and cup your face in your hands.
>Irritation is practically dripping from your next words.
"I don't KNOW, Twilight. On my side, alright? Just DROP it."
>The purple unicorn is unperturbed, merely rolling her eyes at you.
>"Anon, please. I grew up with a brother; I'm no stranger to tantrums. It's going to take a l-"
"It isn't a tantrum, dammit!"
>You finish off by stomping your foot down like a mature adult.
"You've been repeating the same goddamn thing for what feels like hours."
>You being to tick points off your fingers.
"Yes, I sleep alone. Yes, I leave my house without protection. Yes, I have a job. Yes, I-"
>"You had a job?!"
>Twilight trots in place, looking properly distressed.
>"Anon! Oh goodness, I'm so sorry!"
>She tries to hug you, but you push her away.
>"No WONDER you're even more emotionally-unstable than most colts are; you've been forced to work for a living!"
>Emotionally-unstable? Twilight, you are on the right path for a big fucking slap, pretty soon.
>You kneel down to her level so that you're face-to-weird-horse-face with her.
"Of course I had a job back on Earth, Twilight. How else was I supposed to support myself?"
>All of the sudden, Twilight cups your cheeks with her hooves.
>When she speaks, it's in this really dramatic-sounding whispering.
>"Who did this to you, Anon?"
>She pulls you closer to her so that she can look you in the eyes.
>"Who hurt you?"
>Fuck this mess.
>You stand back up and watch Twilight eat shit in front of you.
"Twilight, this is dumb. Stop getting worked up over dumb things."
>You reach down and pick this pone up by her armpits and sling her over one of your shoulders.
"C'mon. Let's go get lunch; my treat."
>"Anon, no! Please put me down!"
"Nope."
>You are enjoying this whole experience WAY more than you should be.
>Twilight's kicking her widdle hoofsies at you, trying her hardest to get free without using her magic on you.
>"Please, Anon! I.... I want to get down now. All the ponies are staring!"
>You give her rump a light pat and she squeaks in protest."
"Settle down, Twilight. We're only a few blocks away from the eatery, alright?"
>You jostle her a bit with your shoulder playfully.
"Look at it this way, Twilight. I'm giving you a free ride all the way there."
>You turn a corner and nearly bump into a mare, who stares at you with wide eyes.
>You nod at her politely and continue on her way.
>"Anon, please put me down. That mare... a lot of ponies are sending me dirty looks. I don't li-OW!"
>You whip around when you feel your riding partner get a thump on the head, and are met with the sight of an angry old stallion.
>>"Git offa him! Git yer fat flanks offa tha' poor colt, mare!"
>He aims to swing his cane at Twilight again, but you block it with your arm.
"What the hell is your problem, old man?! Get out of here!"
>You don't shove him (god, what kind of person do you think you are?); you just turn around and start to jog over to the eatery.
>When you're safely out of reach of the old bastard, you place Twilight on the ground again.
"Are you alright, Twilight? Did he hit you too hard?"
>Twilight blushes, but brushes off your concern.
>"D-don't worry about me, Anon. It'll take more than a little old stallion to hurt me. Now."
>She tugs at the collar of your shirt.
>"Let me take a look at that shoulder. You probably aren't used to carrying very much weight, so you might be bruising from carrying me for all this time."
>...You would object, but you DO bruise like a peach.
>"Well, I can't see any crushed blood vessels, so you should be fine."
>She kisses your supposed boo-boo and then buttons up your shirt for you.
>You want to be irritated with her, but that whole scene was just so goddamn adorable.
>You wrap her up in a quick hug, cupping the back of her head and pulling her to your chest.
"Thank you, Twilight. That was very thoughtful."
>"Y-you too..."
>You separate, and it isn't long before you reach your favourite restaurant: "The Cleaving Testicle"
>It's emblem is a pair of horse-balls held tight in a bra.
>It's the weirdest fucking place in town, but they make the most AMAZING sandwiches.
>You reach the door before Twilight does, but she quickly trots up in front of you, squeezing herself between the door and your legs.
>She magicks the door open and tries to gesture inside with one hoof.
>"Stallions first."
>What a polite weirdo.
>You reward her with a scritch behind the ears, and you watch in enjoyment as her eyes glaze over.
>You walk up to a booth where a rather bored looking mare sits waiting for you.
>>"Maredam; sir; table for two?"
"Yu-"
>"That's right!"
>Twilight shouts a little louder than is really necessary, and a few heads turn.
>"A-and we'd like a window seat, please."
>The mare hops off her widdle stool and walks down a nearby isle.
>>"Right is way, please."
>The two of you are led over to a booth in the corner.
>It comes complete with the cushy chair-cushion thingies that ponies sit on, and also two broad, pane-glass windows.
>In short, it's the best of both worlds.
>The server-mare from before deposits a menu in front of Twilight and says that she'll be back soon to take their order.
>...Twilight sure is taking an awful long time with the menu.
"Twi, can I get a look at that when you're done?"
>"Hmm? Oh; no, Anon. You just tell me what kind of food you want and I'll find it in here for you."
>You have no idea why Twilight's being this difficult.
"...or, I could take a look in the menu myself and decide what to eat."
>Twilight giggles and puts the menu down, keeping it out of reach of your long fingers.
>"Don't be silly, Anon. I know you're probably good in the kitchen, but the last thing you need after a day like today is to stress your little head over all the different things you can order."
>She opens the menu to a random page; it's sandwiches.
>"Now, what do you want to eat, Anon?"
>As dumb as this is, you don't want to make a scene.
>The server-mare starts to approach you, and you begin to panic a little bit.
"Just... are we really going to do this?"
>Twilight doesn't answer you; she just looks through the different cheeses available.
>Fuck it, whatever.
"....I'll take the pulled-hay sandwich without the hay, and-"
>"He'll take the pulled-hay sandwich without the hay, please."
>The server-mare nods and writes it down.
>The fuck was that?
"....and a side of the salad-of-the-day with extra dressing."
>"And a side of the salad-of-the-day, regular dressing."
>Twilight glances at you before going back to the menu.
>"No extra dressing for you today, Anon. You'll ruin your figure."
>Well, fuck you too, purple horse.
>This coming from the mare with one of the most jiggly, slap-able asses around town.
>Mmph!
>You turn to the server and wave a hand to grab her attention.
"Add on that extra dressing, please."
>She shakes her head.
>>"Sorry, sir. I can't change or add onto an order without your mare's permission."
>.......
>There are so many things wrong with that one sentence that you don't know where to begin.
>The server-mare just goes on to address Twilight.
>>"And what would you like to eat today, maredam?"
>"I'll have two hay-burgers and three orders of horseshoe fries."
>>"Will that be everything?"
>Twilight nods and the server-mare walks off.
>There's a brief silence as the two of you enjoy each other's company.
>For a sexist pony, Twilight's actually pretty nice.
>It's more of a 'delightfully eccentric' kind of sexism.
>Like, she's worried for your safety more than she's out to take your monkey dick by force.
"So, what was THAT all about? Why didn't you let me order my own stuff?"
>"Oh, Anon~"
>Twilight giggles and lays a hoof on one of your hands.
>"I know you've gotten some strange ideas in your head from when some.... DEGENERATE allowed a delicate colt like you to work for a living, but you don't have to pretend any more."
"...what am I pretending?"
>Twilight sighs and looks at you with pity.
>"You don't have to hide the hurt any more, Anon. You conceal it well, but I can see it in your eyes, how desperately you're trying to hold it together. I can't even begin to understand the hardships you've been through, but it's over now. I'm here for you."
>........
>Wow.
>You and Twilight are going to have a LONG talk after lunch, when you get back home.
"That's... incredibly sweet of you, Twilight. I... you're a very selfless mare."
>Twilight seems oblivious to your discomfort.
"But seeing as how I'm paying for our meals, I would have liked to get a good look at the menu."
>Not that you don't already know it by heart, but it's the principle of the matter.
>Twilight gives you the same look she gave you when you told her that you had a job back on Earth.
>"They made you pay for your own meals, too?!"
>Twilight scrambles over to your side of the booth and hops on your lap.
>She pulls you into a tight hug and gently strokes the back of your head.
>"Ohh, Anonymous! It's okay, foal; Twilight's here now. She won't let anything bad happen to you from now on."
>Fuck this day and everything about it.
>For the sake of conversation, you tell Twilight about your job back on Earth.
>If she weren't so busy stuffing her face like the deliciously fat-ass that she is, she'd probably be making better conversation than she is right now.
>"An'n! Tha's ter'ble!"
>She manages to spray you with her current mouthful of hayburger, and you pretend not to nice it.
>>"Excuse me."
>You look behind you to see a group of concerned mares eating in the booth that's besides your own.
>>"Did you just say that your herd FORCED you to work all day? And that you had to pay the bills AND for the food?"
"That-"
>"Not even a herd!"
>Fuck's sake.
>Twilight jumps out of her seat and sits down next to you, facing the other mares.
>"He lived all by himself and he had no other choice!"
>The mares behind you make various noises of outrage, and you just cover your face in embarrassment.
>>"This is an outrage! I... we... Ugh!"
>The mare from the other booth (we'll call her "Debra" for the sake of clarity) hops over the barrier between your booths and plops down next to you.
>>"How did this happen, sweetie? Why didn't you go get help?"
>Debra's tearing up at this point. Most of her friends aren't doing any better.
>>"We would have helped you! Any of us; any decent mare would have accepted you with open hooves if you had just asked!"
>This strange mare whom you've never met before gives up trying to hold herself back and collapses into your arms.
>Another mare (let's say... Helga) pops over and gently pries Debra off of you.
>>>"I'm really sorry about my friend, sir. She's a bit... you know..."
>Helga whistles a bit and rolls her eyes.
>You don't know what she means.
>Suddently, Debra breaks free from Helga's grip and launches herself at you!
>>"Who did this?! Where is she?!"
>You're getting stares from the other ponies around you.
>That's when Debra is flung off of you in a burst of purple magic.
>"That's enough! Give him some space; you're going to overwhelm him! Do you want an emotionally-exhausted colt on our hooves?!"
>You turn around just in time to see Twilight toss some bits onto the table before she picks you up with her magic and sprints outside with you.