Title:           Sir Anon and the Princess 2 (Draganon Bowl)
Author:          420PraiseHardest
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/QaR1mM2X
First Edit:      Sunday 6th of April 2014 07:45:14 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Sunday 29th of November 2015 09:12:02 AM CDT

>You're currently lounging against the most comfortable tree ever.
>Surrounded by nature on all sides, in the Canterlot Royal Gardens.
>Celestia is doing paperwork, which is basically what she always does.
> “A knight? Anon, why should I knight you?”
“Why not? All you ponies are kind of in the middle ages, being called Sir Anon would be tits.”
>”Anon, you've said words I don't know again. 'Middle ages' and 'tits'.
>You snicker, because you made Celestia say 'tits'.
“It isn't really important. Will you?”
>”Yes, of course. But you haven't told my why you want to be one.”
>Well, you're gonna have to tell her.
“The first day I got here, I was almost run out of town or worse. You saved my ass, I kind of feel like I owe you. If I'm a Knight I kind of have a real job, besides just giving back and belly rubs to ponies.”
>Celestia doesn't look happy you swore, but she merely rolls her eyes.
>”Anon, I would have done that for any creature. But if you would prefer to be knighted, I can arrange the ceremony.”
>You got a hug out of the deal, but your trip down memory lane ends with you suddenly staring into the pissed off eyes of a giant green dragon.
>Oh right, you're still in his lair trying to not get eaten.
>And failing.
 
>Your everything hurts.
>Holy shit did it hit you hard with its tail.
>At least your armor tanked most of the hit.
>And Twilight thought it was a dumb idea.
>At the moment the dragon has taken hold of your sword, which looks like a toothpick in his claw, and is staring at it.
> “I will keep this as a souvenir after I devour you, creature.”
>Well at least there's that.
>But getting eaten wouldn't get Celestia rescued anytime soon.
>You start trying to sit up, which just makes you wish you hadn't.
>Sharp pain, inside your chest.
>You'd never broken a rib before, but this was probably what it felt like.
>Your shield looks fine, you kept a hold of that at least.
>But what are you going to do?
>The dragon casually flings your sword halfway across the room, into some pile of jewels.
>It's going to get ready to eat you, probably in the next few seconds.
 
 
>Welp, it was nice knowing yourself.
>Your empty hand is stuck propping yourself up in a massive collection of gems.
>Christ, where do dragons even get all of this?
>Wait, something that is almost certainly not a gem is right beneath you.
>”You know, creature, I have eaten almost every species I have come across at least once. The wild beasts of the forests, griffons and yes, even ponies. I take it as something of a hobby.”
>Oh good, the dragon is going to try and mess with you.
>You're busy trying to fish your hand down into the gems to figure out what you found was.
>But you do your best to pretend to be intimidated.
“B-but wait!”
>You don't have to try that hard, you're half sure you've found a fork.
“I'm the only one of my kind on the planet. I have untold amounts of knowledge about my people and...and technology.”
>The dragon doesn't buy it.
>”I do enjoy delicacies, and I somehow doubt that whatever you might know would impress me.”
>He goes in for the kill, shooting his head forward with jaws wide.
>Hundreds of teeth, some about as big as your arm, flash.
>At the last moment you pull the thing you found up.
 
>It turns out to be a spear.
>And it was aimed relatively up through the pile, which also contributes to your survival.
>In a few seconds you've got the whole thing straight and in your hands, braced against the pile of gems.
>Pointed right at its mouth.
>The green dragon failed to turn in time, impaling itself mouth first on the spear tip.
>Rather than be eaten, the spear is wrenched out of your hands when the dragon pulls back. The point must have gotten deep enough that it was stuck.
>The dragon gives a strangled roar, but it isn't even close to dead yet.
>But it is busy clawing at its face.
>Which means you have longer to live.
>The only option in front of you is to grab your sword again.
>You all but vault off from where you were sitting, towards where you thought the dragon had tossed it.
>You have maybe a minute or two before the dragon gets the spear out of his mouth and really puts his back into murdering you.
 
>Knowing you have made it this far, and can be killed very quickly, is rather motivating.
>You dart through the piles, looking back and forth over rubies and sapphires for any hint of your sword.
>Normally the reflection of metal would be easy to spot.
>But everything is reflective in this pile.
>”I will roast you alive! I will flay the charred skin off your body! Where are you, creature?”
>Dragon is speaking reasonably well, which indicates there is no more spear to keep him busy.
>You spot the hilt of the sword just as it makes its first thunderous step towards where you'd run.
>Your hand closes around the grip on the second step.
>You've hurt the dragon twice now.
>It probably broke a rib or two of yours.
>It's pissed off, but unsure where you are.
>Heaven or Hell.
>Let's rock.
 
>The dragon in question has reared up, and finally sees you.
>You can see purple looking blood running from his mouth.
>It growls at you, not even slightly interested in dicking around anymore.
>On the plus side, you've got more than your fair share of adrenaline going.
>It gets the first move, being a giant dragon with more options than you.
>You're only about twenty feet away, which lets it lash its tail out to hit you.
>Just like it'd done before.
>Except you're a little less retarded about that, and dive against the pile of gems closest to you.
>The gems shield you from the tail, sending them crashing everywhere.
>In a moment you realize that the tail didn't withdraw back just yet.
>Good, you see a way to make sure it doesn't try this shit again.
>You pull your sword back, and just like you'd practiced on wooden dummies, slash it out.
>Sword plus tail means angry, howling dragon.
 
>Unlike the last two times you hurt it, you have a way to take advantage of that fact.
>The current pile of gems was done as far as protection went anyway.
>You sprint out of the protection.
>The green dragon is cradling his tail, which now has a bright purple gash near the end.
>Sprint was a relative word, you feel unbearably slow and exposed in the open.
>But, charging at it was really the only option.
>Though at this point, the dragon looks almost scared at your sword.
>Guess dragons don't like getting cut up.
>It winces, just a bit.
>Or, more accurately, it extends its wings and gets ready to go airborne.
>You're just at it's feet when it flaps down.
>Up the dragon goes, and you swing your blade to follow.
 
>Paydirt!
>You backhand the blade against the dragon's right heel.
>You're pretty sure you even got the tendon.
>You make that guess because the dragon's leg immediately seizes followed by a a spurt of blood.
>But, rather than just let you go for another strike, it hits you.
>And hard, with its other foot.
>You had your shield ready to take a blow like that, but you hear a tearing of metal and get sent on another flying lesson.
>Your back hits the ground, which makes you wish you'd hit another pile of gems.
>You skid to a stop, finally.
>That hurt, but you're still too worked up to really care anyway.
>The dragon is back on the ground, and it's clutching its wounded ankle.
>It actually isn't even standing up anymore, instead it is laying sideways.
>Holy shit, you really must have sliced up its Achilles Tendon something good.
>Getting back up, you catch its attention.
>It begins to take a deep inhale, which clues you in.
>Just in time to make a break off to the side to avoid the jet of flame.
 
>Hot hot hot, video games don't show the part where even missed fire attacks burn like fuck.
>But you're still not dead, and really your left arm and chest hurt more than the heat does.
>You duck around about another gem pile, getting used to using them as cover.
>The top of the dragon is just barely visible, for you anyway.
>It uses its claw to try and push its own hoard out of the way.
>Once again you're being showered in the precious gems, but you've gotten rather familiar with that and they only clink when they hit you. Some of them hit like rocks.
>You'd be dead twenty times over without your armor at this rate.
>You manage to get well ahead of where the dragon probably thinks you are, since it'd fallen in the midst of an especially large pile of gems.
>In fact, it was probably using this all as a bed.
>A plan suddenly forms, given that you've managed to fuck the dragon up every time it wasn't expecting you too.
>You start sprinting up a hill of gems, as best you can.
 
>”I will not be made a fool of by a stupid, ugly, misshapen creature in a tin ca-”
>The dragon had been trying to prop itself up to look over the gems, just barely missing seeing you.
>You're now more or less facing its exposed back.
>Holy shit yes, you're about to do something totally bad ass!
>You swear you see the x button for the quick time event when you clear the end of the pile and jump.
>Sword out, aimed for a downward stab and locked straight on the dragon's head.
>Which doesn't pan out.
>No matter how appropriate the moment was, you can't jump that far while wearing plate armor.
>You make the split second decision to settle on just stabbing the dragon in the back, right between the wings.
>It's all muscle there, the scales softer and pliant to allow the wings to move.
>Which means the blade goes right in, deep as all hell.
>The reaction is instant, the dragon thrashes in a spin which you can't hope to stay on from.
>Sheer mass is on the dragon's side, and one of its wings slam into your whole body.
>Your third flying lesson, but you're far less lucky this time.
>In the air, you end up spinning and your right foot lands awkwardly when it's the first thing to hit solid earth.
>Snap!
>Oh fuck, you wish you'd passed out from that.
>But nope. Just unbearable agony.
 
>While clutching your foot, you can observe the dragon over the edge of the gem pile you'd been launched over.
>The dragon had started to roll around, rather than pursue and murder you.
>But something must have gone wrong, because a few seconds into thrashing around it jerked rapidly.
>And then went lax, at least just the bottom part.
>”Ahhh! Creature! What have you done?! I cannot...I...my legs...my wings!”
>Legs? You hit its back.
>The dragon isn't having any of it, you idly watch its claws and upper body squirming.
>Then it breaths out fire, but only aimed at the ceiling.
>It doesn't do it a second time, in fact you could have sworn you heard it choke.
>Yeah, you must have somehow severed its spine.
>Or it severed its own spine when it rolled around.
>Yay for you.
>Your foot is definitely broken, and only the shock is keeping you from really registering it as a fact.
>You've got to get up, though.
>Through the pain.
>You put your good leg under you, empty hand on your knee.
>You wrench yourself up, armor and all.
>Now your pretty plate armor is all scratched and dinged, your shield with huge gouges along the sun pattern in the center.
 
>The dragon is still freaked out about losing control of its bottom half.
>You hobble, one step at a time in it's general direction.
>You're also breathing hard, really hard.
>All that sprinting, among your other numerous efforts to not die, have taken a toll on you.
>You don't even have your sword at the moment, it's probably still buried in the dragon's back.
>You get to the central gem pile you'd jumped off of, with the dragon on the other side and still trying to get a grip on its new found paralysis.
>”You had better be dead, creature! I will make you experience agony the likes of which mortals will shudd-”
>You tune the words out some more, focused on the moment.
>If you don't focus, you'll probably collapse.
>Everything hurts, a lot.
>Wait, there's another spear half sticking out of the pile.
 
>Where the hell do these even come from?
>Well, it has two good uses.
>One is to be a walking stick.
>The other is to finish the dragon off.
>Seems legit to you.
>Picking it up felt good, though the wooden shaft is pretty shitty quality.
>Why does a dragon have this in his hoard?
>You shrug it off, slowly rounding the pile.
>By now the dragon is settled down, and actually sounds like it's having trouble breathing.
>Hopefully the lack of spine connection is fucking with it's lungs.
>But it's still alive, and probably going to come after you with or without its legs working.
>One step at a time, the enormous cave is surprisingly silent now.
>Clunk clunk clunk, you sound like Igor with your metal shoes hitting the stone while limping.
>Until you're facing the huge, bloodied green dragon.
 
>Yeah, it's paralyzed.
>It's laying flat on the stone floor, face down with its chest heaving, struggling for breath.
>You even see the glint of your sword, poking up and buried to the hilt in dragon spine.
>You'll worry about it later, you've got your new spear now.
>The dragon is staring at you, looking half dead and half blindingly murderous.
>A second later you realize you might have made a mistake.
>The dragon immediately places its claws on the ground, rears up as best it could and starts to suck in a breath.
>Yeah, you're about to get fire blasted.
>Fuck, you just went full retard.
>You were seriously close to winning, too.
>But instead of flamethrower, all the dragon manages is smoke while losing its held in breath.
> “Damn you,” a cough. “Damn you creature! I will...I will!”
>You don't really care what it will do, you take another hobbled step forward.
>Which is not easy to do, you're not using the spear as a walking stick anymore.
>Instead you have it pointed at the dragon, not taking any chances.
“Where's the Princess?”
 
>The Dragon is holding itself up with a claw, the other in the air.
>You're having something of a stare down.
>You could probably impale its claw, if it tried to bitch slaps you.
>Which is probably why it hasn't tried that.
>Though you're not sure you'd be able to get up again if he went through with it.
>Even a stabbed hand would still hit you hard, the claws might make it through your battered armor.
“Where's the Princess?”
>You're gonna keep asking that, since it makes a good mantra to stay focused.
>Another step, the Dragon waits.
“Where is the Princess?”
>”I do not know, or care, creature! I will not be killed in my own lair, or demanded answers from!”
>Another step, you've even almost got your breath completely back.
>Any more steps and the dragon will be able to hit you quicker than you could get your balance.
>Broken foot and all.
>Fortunately time appears to be on your side.
>You realize just how much purple blood is pooling underneath the dragon.
 
“You're going to bleed to death before I get tired.”
>You say it automatically. Maybe you should have just let the tension ride longer so it could have bled more.
>But the surprise that you'd possibly won already was shocking enough for you to lose your head.
>”I will not die from that, stupid creature. I will treat my wounds while enjoying my feast on your bones!”
>But the dragon doesn't sound all that convinced to itself, and it's still having trouble breathing properly.
“Where is the Princess?”
>It growls, not at all happy with how you've got the edge. However slim it is.
>”I do not know! The dogs would know, but I did not care for the Nests pointless subjugation of your precious ponies. You have come here for nothing, stupid creature.”
>Dogs? Wait, that sounds familiar.
>Of course, the green dragon you've been fighting doesn't realize it actually gave you something promising. It's still talking.
>”I do not care for any of you pathetic, short lived creatures. And once I am healed, I will burn your town of ponies into cinders! And I shall plant your skull in the center upon a pike so that all shall know what happens when you challenge the might of-”
>Back to coughing, and while it does that you take another step forward.
>You even think you could jab at it with your spear if you were to go a bit more forward.
 
>The slowly dying green dragon is still glaring at you, and you're not sure how to proceed.
>The threats had gotten to you though, and the mention before of what it liked to eat.
>You've been legitimately pissed at this particular dragon for most of your fight to the death.
>And it's only making you more angry.
>You shift on your broken foot, which sends more agony up your leg.
>You're biting down on your jaw hard enough that you'll probably shatter your teeth at this rate.
>”Nothing to say, creature? Or are you just going to stand there and demand your litt-”
>It'd started talking again, before suddenly lunging forward at you.
>Which was surprising enough, since you'd thought it would just rant like it had before.
>It was probably hoping for that.
>The dragon had to sacrifice its upright posture, shooting the claw out it had been using to prop itself and claw forward to rush at you.
>The other claw is making for a swipe.
>This is the last chance, either you'll be killed or kill the dragon.
>And you have hardly any spots you think would be good to hit.
 
>Your first instinct is to clench your legs and brace.
>Which was a bad decision, as your right foot gives out from trying to put pressure on it.
>This translates into your falling backward, though you instantly try and push off with your good leg.
>Anything to make space between you and the dragon.
>It trips over its own claws, losing balance enough to fall forward.
>But that doesn't stop it from the rush.
>Dragon must be as desperate as you at this point.
>More fangs, and this time it's coming more down than in front.
>You only get your spear up just in time, your ass hitting the stone floor and placing the end of the spear braced up against the granite.
>Thunk!
>The dragon had misjudged how quickly you'd got that set, with the tip right for the oncoming neck.
>Right in between his scales, and you're sure you've just landed a finishing blow.
>But momentum is a bitch, and the dragon finally manages a grip on you.
>With its mouth.
>Your armor is only so thick, and two fangs slide easily past in the half completed snap.
>Every one of your other injuries is dwarfed when the dragon manages to bite into your shoulder; front and back.
>Before you can scream, though, the dragon perhaps realizes how bad it fucked up.
>Dying, much faster than you, it twists rapidly and you go flailing along for the ride.
>You would be happy for another chance to go airborne, but now you're latched on and half sure you're about to lose an arm.
>You don't get to find out, you lose consciousness getting your head slammed into something solid.
>About the last thing you manage to think about is a vague sense of accomplishment.
>Not bad for your first, and probably last, fight against a dragon.
 
Part 3: http://pastebin.com/TzW7JRpu