> You wake up with a low moan.
> It quickly escalates into frantic screaming as you feel bits of glitter stabbing your eyeballs. 
> In a frenzied panic, you run to the bathroom and begin trying everything possible to get it all out.
> An hour later, you pick out the last of the glitter and sit down on your couch.
> You really fucking hate glitter. 
> You glance down at your dress. 
> You had washed it at some point yesterday, but it still looks a mess.
> You really should change.
> And shower.
> You pick yourself up off the couch and yank the dress off as you re-enter the bathroom. 
> The bra is quickly discarded as well.
> You bend over to turn on the faucet, but get stuck halfway down.
> You didn't eat THAT many cupcakes yesterday.
> You straighten up and glance down.
> You can't see your feet; your beer gut is blocking the way.
> Hold the phone.
> You haven't had beer since you first got here, Equestia had really shitty beer.
> You look down at your stomach again.
> Poke.
> It's harder than calculus. 
> You scramble out of the bathroom and call Twilight. 
> "Hello?"
"WE HAVE A PROBLEM. "
>"..who is this?"
"IT'S ME, YOU PURPLE CUNT!"
>"I don't know who you are or what you want, but I have a particular set of skills--"
> Oh, shit, wrong number.
> You hang up and try again.
>"Hello?"
"Twilight?"
>"Yes?"
"THE KID IS BUILDING A FUCKIN' FORT INSIDE OF ME, COME HELP ME!"
> You hear the receiver drop.
"Hello?"
> A bright purple flash blinds you.
> "Anon, whats goi--why are you naked?"
"Nevermind that, fix this! "
> You point at your enlarged stomach.
> Her eyes nearly pop out of her skull.
>She gets in you personal space, poking and prodding you.
> She produces a notebook out of thin air and scribbles in it.
"Well?"
> Her horn glows and makes your belly glow in return.
"I feel like a damned Teletubbie,"
> "Shush."
"Did you just shush me?"
> She continues to stare at your stomach, mouth gaped open.
"WELL?"
> She brings a mirror into the room and angles it to where you can see.
> For one, you could see into your stomach, like it was made of glass.
> Two, you could see a tiny figure, curled into a ball.
"...what is it?"
>"It's a fetus, Anon."
"Yeah, but what species is it? I can't tell."
> She squints.
>"...it's not fully developed yet...but it looks human...
"Oh shit, really?"
> Father and son together, wreaking havoc on Ponyville. 
> Aww yisss
>"There are tiny stubs on its back. You don't have them. Is that normal?"
"Fuck no!"
>"Hmmm..."
> She scribbles something in her notebook. 
>"I've never seen pregnancy this accelerated before. At this rate, you'll give birth by the end of the week!"
> Oh god
> It was Wednesday
> You heart rate picks up as you remember what Rarity said.
> You get nauseous again.
> You see glitter in your pariphial vision.
> You highly suspect Discord had something to do with this. 
>"Anon? What's wrong? "
"We need to go see Discord."
>"Why?"
"So I can chew his ass out,"
>"Ew! Anon, I don't need to know about your weird sexual activities! "
"It's a turn of phrase!"
>"How do you turn a phrase?"
> Before you lose your shit, one of your lamps has a couching fit and spits out Discord. 
>"Did someone call me?"
> You point to your tummy angrily. 
> He smiles.
>"Surprise!"
"Motherfucker!"
> You lunge at him, but get swept into the air by Twilight. 
>"Is there something I'm missing?"
> Discord shrugs.
>"I thought Anon here would like to get through the pregnancy as fast as possible, so he could go back to being a male, but it seems I was incorrect."
"Wait, what?"
> You suddenly become aware of your nudity.
> Twilight seems to read your mind and magically dresses you in a maternity shirt and loose fitting jeans.
> You cringe.
> Maternity clothes are ugly as shit.
>"You do realize that Anon has to breastfeed, right? "
"Bitch, what?"
> She eyes you in disbelief. 
>"That's the healthiest option!"
"Fuck that, ain't no baby suckin' on my titties! I'm not a pedo!"
>"...Anon...you're an idiot. "
"Like a fox!"