> The home is now yours, and since being in your possession, you have installed plans like no other person. Or is it pony? Take your fancied pick.
> Welcome to day 65 upon entering the not so new reality that is Equestria.
> You have yet to get those complimentary peanuts for the trip, the ones you don’t exactly thrive for during those long airplane trips, but you gladly accept nonetheless.
> You have cursed the angry gods for the situation you have been put in, as it’s fairly clear that you’ve been dealt a bad hand.
> However, you have also thanked them for the lucky situations you encountered;
> Fluttershy, much as you loved her in the show, has sadly turned a tad bothersome, not to mention detrimental to your health, been soon removed from the list of “wonderful things that makes life worth living here”.
> In regards to Applejack, she's been friendly but fairly scary, although good help in getting used to life here. Ignoring, of course, the fear she’s instilled in you with doors being blown off their hinges.
> Twilight Sparkle has been beyond help; she's seriously became your figurative Otacon. Who else can you thank for your beloved gnomes? That alone is enough to have you owe your sorry life to her.
> Luna and Celestia- ha! They’re the big ballers in your destiny, hooking you up with more supplies than a mastermind like yourself could ever dream to work with. Your dreams have become reality thanks to the princess’ help, and you’ve turned your realities into dreams,
> Try to swallow that philosophy.
> Luna, whom has given you a few meetings of worthy value, has been just as cool as the first time you met, discussing and gossiping like old women. You swear you need a monocle to match the conversations you two pull off.
> Plus, you know… you have a flipping awesome vacation spot, on, how to say…
> MOOOOOOOOON.avi
> Let’s not even get started with Rainbow Dash! You know what; let’s get started on Rainbow Dash!
> She’s been there for you every step of the way, it was like that college bro who would cheer you on as you slam that keg upside down, and pat your back when you’re puking in the toilet later.
> She’s the cream of the crop,
> The jack of spades,
> She’s RAINBOW DASH! In all consideration, though, she would be the one friend there for you in your antisocial ways you’ve been imbibing yourself in over the past couple months.
> And antisocial you’ve become; turning into a hermit of survival, you’ve use your genius to improve your left, little by little, until you managed to gain the comfort you once did in your previous reality, which you now humbly refer as “the days I wasn’t a cartoonish freak”.
> Hardly leaving your nest, you’ve tinkered with metals, restructuring electronics, making creations and technology not seen anywhere else in Equestria.
> The box of mysterious but foreboding contents may contribute a few appliances as well.
> Alright, you’ll admit, most of the amazing stuff came from the Box of Wonders, begging it with puppy eyes and motherly tones to spit out things you could never hope to make on your own.
> But! Back to the matter at hand, the rest of the mane six have come and gone, making sure you have a pulse and bathed now and then.
> So, about Fluttershy, yeah. Why can't she as sweet as you knew her before you entered this world?
> Why in Sailor Moon has she turned into your obvious stalker? Besides, you know, unintentional manipulation and an obscenely large pile of misunderstandings?
> Was it really the fact you pointed out to her that you really, reallyyyy liked the way she acted in the episodes?
> You still place your bets on the fact she’s scored three of your first days lying in her bed, naked and unconscious, for her to lovingly take care of you.
> You ponder this as you close the door from a tedious event that went on for hours.
> For the sake of the viewer’s cluelessness, you look up as a flashback sequence takes form, the world going white as you revisit the recent past.
> You spent all night arguing with Fluttershy on the front porch, the chill of the cold air giving you a nasty head cold.
> She tilts her innocent looking head at you, trying to draw you in with her pseudo naive gaze.
> NOPE.jpeg
> "Anon, why won't you let me in and talk things out with you?"
“Fluttershy, we’ve gone over this, several times.”
> “I, uh, don’t r-recall…?”
“Remember that leaf pit?”
> “Yes…”
“Remember that rope net you had put in my bathroom the first time I let you in?”
> “Y-yes…”
“How about those tranquilizer darts you shot at me when I went for my morning walk?”
> “You looked tired, though… you needed a nap!”
“The knives? Don’t tell me you forgot about those.”
> “I-I wasn’t trying to stab you, I swear! Your hair is getting long, I was trying to cut it!”
“With knives.”
> “Yes.”
> You facepalm yourself, as it’s become obvious no amount of logic is going to convince her she’s not welcome inside, especially at late night, beyond that of a sound NO.
“Not tonight, Fluttershy, maybe tomorrow.”
> "Oh... ok. Well, see you tomorrow! *sqwee*"
> FuckingFluttershy.jpg
> No chance in Peewee’s world you're going to be able to sleep now; might as well get ready for the day.
> You dress up in your usual laid back attire, courtesy of Rarity, before striking a pose like you're the secret twin brother of Daniel Hasselhoff.
> Flex it. FLEX IT BABY.
> OHHH YEAHHH, IRON WILL GOT NOTHIN' ON YA.
> Yeah, you need to work out more, the muscles you’ve had going on from the work has begun to slack. In due time, my friend, in due time.
> You miss the Hoff; cor blimey, you miss every single person back home. However, you chose to accept this purgatory of sorts in the end, and with a cast of the Baywatch beauty tossed from your mind, you set off for the day.
----
> Off your groggy butt goes, to the Cake Store to get some cake and coffee, then go about your business to get your... supplies.
> You've been rebuilding your home, reinforcing the doors and windows, among other wild things you would have never dreamed about getting here. Admitted, it’s taking on a very decent sized budget, but you convinced Celestia to give up some extra bits to spend. Especially those confounded doors. You’ve learnt your lesson not to bunker up with a pony that can free doors off of its frame, and swear never to do it.
> EVER. AGAIN.
> “Thanks for the business, take care of yourself Anon!”
“No prob, see you guys later!”
> Amazingly how well you can appear chipper when you’re ready to toss the coffee on a cat.
> Looking into it, you stare at your dark reflection, almost as bitter as your mood. Your eyes, with shadows and dark undertones, give away how little you’ve slept.
> Or maybe it’s the coffee; it’s not exactly the best mirror to tell whether or not you’re looking pleasant.
> Exiting the lovely cake stare, you enjoy the scenty breeze. You would have, anyhow, if your nose wasn't so soundly plugged from the nasal cavity to your freaking upper lip. You seriously have some waterworks problem going on here. At the very least you feel the temporary revitalization of the caffeine kicking in.
> “Heya, Anon!”
“Hello, Pinkie Pie.”
> The up and hopping pink pony has granted you the honor of her usual bubbly presence, despite it being early morning.
> You find it ironic that the reason you didn’t stay at her house was that you were worried about sleep deprivation, yet here you are.
“Pinkie, let me sleep with you.”
> “Whaaat? Come on, don’t be so silly!”
> Thank the gods you can make such dirty jokes, and they harmlessly bounce off of her.
“Really, I think I’m going to need to find a place to stay at this rate. Fluttershy has been guilt tripping me past my gates and through my doors, and it’s either going to get me killed or raped at this rate.”
> “Hahaha! Looks like it’s a battle between two doormats!”
> Your eyes narrow for a moment, before giving up with a sigh.
“Yeah, you’re right. Next time she tries pulling that with me, I guess I’ll have to be more… aggressive.”
> “That’s the ticket! Or is it..? With the way that sounds, it might just be a good show!”
“Right, right.. I’mma head on my way, you keep doing whatever it is at the early hours.”
> “I’m practicing my trombone!”
> You guess she’s an aspiring musician now. With… an invisible trombone.
“Oh. Alrighty, then! Make sure to play me a piece when you’re ready then, alright?”
> “You betcha!”
> Away she bounces, and for a moment her optimism gives a little life in you as you walk with a bit more spring in your step.
> Sadly the cold has put your danger senses to an all-time low, and your paranoia was on vacation as danger lurked, and coming in incredibly fast.
> As what can only be described as a winged missile sent by the judge of fate himself, it barrels unknowingly in your immediate direction.
> Your brain is ever so kind to give you approximately a half second of warning.
> Brain: "LOLOL You're under attack fool, oh sh-"
"Wait, wh-"
> SLAM!
> Not even halfway across the street, you’re horribly head-butted right into the sternum, as the sweet nature of physics that is Newton's First Law decides to come into play.
> You swear on the Hylian history book that your eyes relocated themselves outside of your skull, even if it was just for a split moment, before they join in the momentum.
> Holy guacamole, Anon, you just witnessed Derpy vision, was that Betty White in the perimeter of your sight?
> She had a steaming plate of cookies, just begging to be eaten!
> Double chocolate chip, warm and gooey, right out of the oven; how they crave for the touch of your tongue!
> You reach for them, and the vision evaporated as you rocket away.
"Betty! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
>You came and started farting as you take to the skies.
> Your coffee lands to the ground, perfectly settled without a single drop spilt.
-------
> Up, up and away you went! If it wasn’t for the air blown out of your lungs like confetti out of Pinkie Pie’s party cannon, you’d enjoy the flight backwards.
> Sadly this is not the case, as you’re spiraling around in a wild blur, screaming like a panzy you are.
> It came out as a low pitch whine, remember the lack of oxygen? Yeah, it went along the lines of:
“Awoooooo…!”
> You crash from the perfectly beautiful skies down into the grass like an obliterated F-4 Phantom II gracefully shot out of the sky.
> Adrenaline now pumping through you like you just dueled off with the Hulk, you dauntingly recover off the grass and take a defensive pose, only to drop your guard when you see who your opponent is.
> You recognize that pink hair from anywhere, as her lovable face comes poking out of the tree.
> Jesus H. Murphy! Does she not take the hint? Does she ever take a hint?
> No, you kindly remind yourself. That is what led to last night.
> You silently swear to yourself as Fluttershy poses her presence for your amusement.
> "Oh, I am sooo sorry, Anon, are you ok?"
> Celestia grant you strength to know when murder is justified. You compose your rage into a tiny package, and drag it to the recycle bin your head.
> Search/File/ Fucksgiven.rtf
> Your Search Did Not Return Any Results.
> Bloody right it didn’t.
"Go plow yourself Fluttershy."
> She gives a gentle smile at the harsh insult, letting it roll off of her mane, and out to the world of not caring.
> If she didn't want to have a go at you, you'd d'aww like mad at her cute persistence.
> "Oh no no no, that's alright, I did that already."
“Do you not understand the concept that you’re able to kill me in your ridiculous crusade in romantically persuading me to liking you, which I will point out that you’re still going the wrong way with this.”
> “O-oh, well… what should I do, then?”
> Her confused face beaming down on you seemed quite legitimate, so you depart to her your wise words of wisdom.
“Firstly, stop trying to trap me. It won’t work, and if it does, it’s certainly not the way to begin a healthy relationship.”
> “O-ok..”
“Second off, give me a break! You’ve been getting on my case since Day 1, it doesn’t help that at least three times a week you put yourself in front of me, and trying to force your way into this.”
> “Uhm..”
“Finally, bring some flowers or SOMETHING. Ones that don’t shoot chloroform, too. Just give me some time, and put this raping-esque business to rest.”
> “B-but, it’s soo much more exciting to do it like this!”
“Like I give a flying feather! Just leave me alone, alright?”
> You stomp away, still gasping from the ridiculous blow to the sternum.
> If it weren't for the healing spell Twilight Sparkle whipped up for you, you would have been done in long ago.
> You’ve had more injuries happened to you here than the dummy from Mythbusters in the first five seasons;
> Poor Buster.
> Great Luna, you seriously need more caffeine to survive today before you pass out.
> ROUND 2!
> Unbeknownst to you, Fluttershy gives the saddest face she could muster as you walk away, crushed by the automatic rejection.
> "I'm so sorry, Anon... I just... really like you.."
> A single tear drops, the crystalline sphere falling ever so elegantly to the ground below, soaked into the dirt, and a small flower forms.
> “Why can’t I… do this right? It’s just… the excitement.. the danger… the lack of consent…hehe..”
> The three tick sanity gauge ticks once more, leaving the yellow area to the orange zone.
> Ohlawdy.gif
--------
> Back at the shop once more, you silently drink coffee while trying to figure out how in Nayru’s name can Fluttershy can fly so fast, all the meanwhile blatantly ignoring the suspicious cup that was previously yours, still resting on the ground.
> She can't fly that fast, what. the. buck. Only one pony you know can enter a speed that intense, and that's your good pal.
> The snazz of snozzleness,
>The pizzazz of paparazzi,
> Dashie!
> Maybe that Flutterfreak can, as you can only assume pegasi can do the hell they want if their hearts permits it. She has proven herself capable in times of wild hysteria.  
> You decide you are no longer giving a care in the world. Your cold is killing you, and you certainly watched enough anime to know crazier shit can happen.
> Incoming more coffee, and chocolate cake too, you freaking love cake.
> Yet, despite all the sugar and caffeine in the world, it could not lift your foul mood a bit.
> You exit the shop, grumpier than a bear that can't take a proper dump in the woods.
> You bet Fluttershy would want to take care of that, the fetish crazed fruit loop.
> Bloody Fluttershy;
> Fucking BEARS!
> You sloth back to your home, unaware that Rainbow Dash, the talk of the hour, is hovering overhead on one of her clouds.
> “Hey Anon!”
“AWOOOBAWOO! Jesus, Dashie, you freaking scared me!”
> “Nyehaha! Sorry about that!”
"Eh, bleck… hey, Rainbow."
> She gives a wide grin at your gloominess, indecisive on how to handle your mood. Goodness, what a glow from her face, nonetheless.
> You'd think your happy jimmies would stir from the dead when someone like her decides to hang with ya..
> You check, looking down.
> No jimmies were stirred, it's like your balls' nerves are dislocated from the rest of your body.
> Just like that crap coffee; nothing short of bed rest will cure this dastardly feeling. You curse their lack of hands to mix the milk and sugar. Next time you’ll politely request a spoon or the like.
> You continue to troop on, accepting defeat for the day and ready to go home and sleep. To hell if you manage to work on your house project today.
> Rainbow Dash, wanting to help your mood as any good friend would, tries to cheer you up;
> Cheering up is not exactly her specialty, however.
> "Boy, don't you look like you're in a bad mood!"
> "What happened, dragon got your tongue?"
> "Looks like you woke up on the wrong side of the tree!"
> "You went flying! Not bad, for someone without wings that is!"
> "<Insert corny one liner here>"
> You ignore her like one of Hitler's worse speeches. Not willing to let loose your tongue in an act of displaced anger, you silently trudge on.
> This catches her attention quite fast, and she turns from her chipper old self into serious mode.
> "H-hey, uh, what's wrong, Anon? You're not acting like you usually do..."
> You scoff, as if this should be the most obvious thing in the world.
"Fluttershy is wrong."
> "Haha, you got that right! If she didn't come born with her own answer key, she'd be, uh..."
> "... uh... y'know, just forget that one, I got nothing."
"Alright."
> You continue walking across Ponyville, very sluggardly listening to your head giving indication of where home is.
> Rainbow is still following you, concern clearly drawn across her face.
> Giving her a glance, your antisocial nature starts to kick in as you roll your eyes.
"Rainbow Dash, don't you have better things to do than hang out with me?"
> Her eyes widen like I just told her that the Wonderbolts disbanded. Her eyebrows arch away, a frown tightly forming.
> God, you feel like a monster, snapping at her like that.
> Learn not to take out your anger on the few friends you have left here, you’ve warned yourself this not even a moment ago!
> It's like you have no control on how you act.
> You feel like rubbish now. Well, you felt like that already, thanks to another pony.
> Doubled the crudiness, you’ve turned emotional again,
> Rainbow Dash is attempting to recover from the blow, reeling up from the hurtful remark you threw at her.
> "Well, uhm.. y'know.. y-you're important to me.. you know that, right?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a complete ass; you and I both know I always enjoy your company."
> She gives a sympathic smile, along with a sigh of relief.
> Warning: Coffee Levels are Decreasing, Retire Soon or Ingest More!
> "I just don't like seeing when you're down; isn't that what best friends are for?"
> You stop. Wait, what?
> Best?
> She said best, right? Nuh uh, she's got way cooler friends than whatever you can hope to be.
> You stop on a dime, and she bumps right into your back, falling off her cloud onto your right shoulder.
> You, still in shock, aren’t aware how much she’s blushing from being in such proximity with your face to hers.
"Did I hear that right?"
> "Geez, Anon, can't you give a little warning? Hear what right?"
> You pull a look with the eyebrows only Dwayne Johnson could hope to rival.
"I'm your best friend?"
> "Well, DUH! You're an awesome fella, and not to mention one heck of gundam fighter!"
> "Plus, THUMBS! You can GRAB THINGS!"
> ":3"
> Well, you suppose you can't argue about the thumbs; that puts your mood up a notch or three.
> You know what? Even in your groggy state, your day has just been made.
"Thanks, Dashie. You're a cool best friend yourself."
> You suppose it makes sense with the law of pigment, but it's still funny to see a light red-purple tint of a blush slowly crawl on her already blush face.
"Geez, no need to get embarrassed, every single pony and their mother knows you and I are a perfect match."
> Boom, law of pigments denied, a full red is showing on her face.
> WARNING: Critical low caffeine level imminent, please prepare for emergency pass out.
> "W-w-w-ait a minute, w-what did y-y-you say?"
"We're a perfect match, because neither of us ever wants to lose!"
> "Oh! R-right!"       
-------
> A spark of heated competition catches into your eye, the flames of the springtime of youth bursting forth in your heart.
>"Now, you seemed awwwful chipper earlier when I received a Dynamic Entry into the air, what's up with that?"
>Thankful for the break in nervousness, she jumps in on the chance for some witty banter, hopping back on her cloud.
> "Nyehaha! Hey, that was pretty funny, but ya gotta admit that it was pretty cool at the same time!"
"She could've killed me, though! You were nearby, use your badass skills and kick her crazy ass for me next time!"
> She scoffs at the idea of exerting herself for you, as if breaking a sweat for your safety is on a lower priority in her list of “things to do”.
> "If I went faster than her to save you, which I tooootally could have, you'd be a huge wreck!"
> "Now what good would that do me if you were in a full cast? I'd have to race myself in place of you!"
"Hey, Rainbow, what in fucking hell is that?"
> She turns a full 180 degrees, oblivious to the witty skills you just pulled on her.
> WARNING: OUT OF CAFFEINE, PREPARE TO PASS OUT!
> "What is what, anon?"
> Super Saiyan Mode Engaged, Dumping All Energy into Legs!
> Brain: "WARNING WARNING, You're on the breaking verge of mental collapse, the bloody hell are you doing?"
> Yourself: "Override current mental capacity, daddy's going home!"
> You sprint like the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are collecting taxes and you're 5 years overdue.
> Flames catching at your heels, you’re burning a path of fury as you fly off to the horizon.
> By the time Rainbow Dash turns around, your after image is already fading off in a puff of smoke, and you’ve made it almost halfway home, giving a very unique battlecry in honor of the Hylian Warrior in our hearts.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUGH!”
> Yeah, you still need to work on that too. It’s a work in progress, you assure the audience!
> Rainbow Dash, mouth agape, revs up in the surprise that you decided to be folly enough to challenge her to a race.
> "OH HELL NO! You're not gonna win this one, pal!"
-------
> 3 Coronaries and a stroke later, you arrive at your destination, the heavily steel enforced fortress;
> Err, house! Yes, it's still a house, you assure yourself.
> Forts generally don't have sofas in the main lobby. Nor do they keep such lovely ornaments on the front lawn.
> OR DO THEY?
> So in the two minutes of intense and montage worthy sprinting, Dash easily bypassed you, the shockwave of her soaring past you in a last second effort sending you flying into the lawn.
> If you weren't exhausted from being sick and tired before, your body has decided such was the case and has rightfully repossessed your ability to move anywhere but your bed.
> Landing after going airborne for about three seconds, you're now on your knees, face in the grass.
> Thankfully Fluttershy, supposedly a far distance away, does not see you in such a graceful position, as you’re quite vulnerable at this moment.
> You look up, and give a half assed jump from the small figure inches from your face, a barely audible squeal escaping your lungs.
> Relax, Anon; get a grip!
> It's just a garden gnome, one of several that you keep in your luxurious garden.
> You truly love your gnomes, as that of a proud father.
> However, you have a sneaking suspicion that they might like you more.
> You steadily plop upright, defeated in more ways than one, and turn to look at Dash, who's gleaming proudly from her puff of evaporated air.
> You swear you can see the Death, your sworn adversary, behind her, checking his watch and taking hateful glances at you.
> He decided with a line of quiet curses that he was too early to remove you from existence, before vanishing off to… well, wherever Death goes in his spare time.
"Alright, Dash, *huff* you win this time. But I swear, *wheeze* one day...!"
> "Nyehaa! You couldn't catch a tune if Octavia was there to play you the melody, let alone me!"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm going inside, I need sleep before I make down payments for a coffin soon."
> "Alright, catchya later!"
> Getting ready to head on back in, you’re promptly stopped with a hoof on your shoulder. Turning back around in the most energy efficient manner, you’re faced with a grounded Rainbow Dash, who’s now staring at your feet.
> Oh boy. You start making bets with yourself; ten bits that she confesses to you, five bits she wants your shoes.
> Twelve bits she does both.
> "Hey, Anon, can I, eh... ask a question?"
> Ruh roh, looks like you might be winning ten bits from yourself!
> Wait. How does that even work?
"Sure Dashie, but just one, I swore I just stared Death in the face."
> She's a cutie when she blushes, you ought to do a painting or something about that.
> You picture her in a meadow, head facing the sky with her eyes closed, a rosy tint on her cheeks and her mouth a slight curve down.
> You’ve played far too many Visual Novels.
> But this is Rainbow Dash,
> Rainbow
> Dash!
> What sense would it make to you that she likes you? Besides, well, a few questionable occasions, you should appear to her no more than a tech savvy hermit who has Flutterphobia.
> Flutterphobia, you’ve coined that term yourself;
> And guess who’s the first to suffer the ailment?
> "Do you think you'll ever settle down with somepony? You seriously need a person that can protect ya from the creepier folks around here, don't ya think?"
> You completely miss the point here, half alive in spirit and ready to be joining great grandma in the greater beyond.
> That bed is sounding quite good now, it’s calling for you to do things to it no other pony could ever hope to do.
> You give a chuckle, despite not knowing what's going on, nor giving a flying care beyond molesting your bed.
"Silly Dash, you don't think Flutter or some other pony can break in here now, do ya?"
> "Well, no, I didn't mean it like th-"
"I have this place built from the ground up in some high tech security now. Only reason we're not being attacked right now is because hidden microphones are recognizing my voice."
> "Anon, what I’m trying to say is-"
"Hell, if there’s someone who can actually get through everything outside, into this house, AND take me out, they deserve an Oscar and whatever the heck they want!"
> Rainbow's Interruption Limit Reached!
> Rainbow Rage Break Limit Initiated!
> "Do you honestly think your house is SOOOO cool, that it can just do EVERYTHING?"
> You shut your mouth for a moment, blurry confusion covering your face as you try to word your response.
> What in the Isle of Dr. Moreau is with her change of attitude?
"Well, yeah, I guess, but wh-"
> "Well, lucky YOU! I guess Mr. Bigshot over here doesn't need a single person to help you!"
> Alright, you don't know what's going on anymore;
> Well, you never did. Great Celestia, your head is remarkably fuzzy.
> You know what? Screw this. If she wants to fight, sleep and death is going to have to wait.
> Death is already in the taxi for Manehatten, looks like he’s gonna have to be patient.
"I don't have time for this, Rainbow! I have more important things to do than stand here and fight with you over nothing."
> She freezes mid rage, her wings flared out and her face red from a mixture of anger and embarrassment.
> She gives the most angered, disappointed look a pony with a lightning bolt on its flank can muster.
> "Fine, then. Go to sleep. Talk to you later."
"Meh, I'm sorry. I'm just tired. You need to stop worrying about me, Rainbow, this house will do the job in protecting me.”
> She doesn't bother to respond, as she continues to puff away with her cloud.
------
> About a quarter mile away, Fluttershy's eyes glisten through the binoculars, a smile forming on her face as she witnesses the situation.
> "I will show you how much I love you yet, my pretty..."
> The gauge that measures her sanity ticks ever so dangerously towards the red.
> "YOU'RE"
> "GOING"
> OH BUCK, HERE WE GO.
> ....
> "To understand why Fluttershy is best pony, teehee!"
> She gives her patented nervous smile, tilting her head ever so softly to the left.
> As if a volcano gave a small fart to stop a full blown eruption, the meter returns back to yellow.
------
> Meanwhile, you head on inside, activating the maximum security system you slaved over making.
> You spent an entire month engineering the technology and alloys to smith.
> When this house was finally rebuilt in reflection of your true design, it has become a stronghold even the best couldn't dream of entering.
> You pull a big switch on the far wall; bars ominously close in on windows, and poles lock into the door in a fairly intimidating fashion.
> You hear mechanisms grinding, as lock after lock shuts in place on both windows and doors.
> Click, click, click;
> Welcome to Gringotts!
> You cross your arms in a smug smile; you’ve patiently waited for the days where you don’t have to worry about Applejack brutally kicking down your doors.
> You check the usual spots where the fortified house is possible to penetrate, ignoring the likelihood that you’ve developed paranoia over these months.
> Finally, with all the security measures in place, you happily enter your bedroom and close the green silk curtains and fluff out the magical candles, making it as dark as naturally possible.
> In slow motion, you fall face first into your well stuffed mattress, foaming in the mouth from utter exhaustion.
> Sinking in a couple inches, you feel it absorbing you, becoming one with the bed; the supreme peace of such a Zen state.
> An invisible portal appears as Death stares at you through his looking glass, hoping you simply smothered yourself.
> Taking a glance at his watch, he curses once again before continuing back on his taxi trip.
-------------
> Death, riding in a pulled chariot with a single stallion, strikes up a little conversation.
> Death: “So, how does it feel that you’re chauffeuring the guy that decides who kicks the bucket? Must be kinda awkward, huh?”
> Taxi Driver: “Well, uh… as long as you pay, I don’t honestly mind taking someone to work. Just everyday life, y’know?”
> Death snaps his bony fingers, clearly liking the point of view presented to him.
> Death: “I like that, really, really like that! That was a nice one, kid.”
> Taxi Driver: “Thanks, I try to keep a level head.”
> Death: “Wish life was as simple as the way you take it. I got three names I need to weed out, and it’s not gonna be pretty.”
> Little does the taxi driver know, that the first on Death’s list was his beloved grandmother.
> How cruel life can be.
-----
> Back to your state of being unconsciousness, you gotta agree you’ve submerged yourself in a very weird but fitting dream.
> However, one question is just begging to be answered:
> Why in the world of finding Waldo is Pinkie Pie in your dreams with such obscene amounts of cake?
> You’re in the state of entering a glucose induced coma; you swear you see Betty White giving thumbs up in the distance.
> Oh Betty, you'll work with this dream, just for her!
> If you had any hard feelings with cake before, you certainly extend your infinite love for them now, second to best only to those heavenly muffins Derpy make.
> Nyeep, nyeep, nyeep, nyeep!
> What in the spicy bloody mary is that horrid sound?
> You turn around in your dream, finding Owlicious chilling on top of a cake, mouth wide open.
> Nyeep, nyeep, nyeep, nyeep, nyeep, nyeep, nyeep!
"SHUT THE FUCK UP OWL."
> Nyeep, warning, warning, nyeep!
> You realize the truth behind the sound coming from this god-awful apparition.
"Oh shit-!"
------
> You wake up, soon realizing that the sun had gone down long ago.
> Bloody alpacas, you’ve nearly slept the entire day away, without a hitch of stirring once.
> On the plus side, your cold is, for the most part, gone with your need to rest any more.
> Finally catching your attention, the silent alarm is going off and a red light is blinking next to your bed, an alarm clock with more than the intent to have you arise from your peaceful slumber.
> Nyeep, nyeep, nyeep, nyeep!
> Only one would dare to wake you up and keep you busy all night;
> LONESTARRRRR!
> You check your heat sensing radar, courtesy of the Box of Wonders; one heat source is currently residing outside your gnome garden.
> You once again can identify that hair style from a mile away, the smooth curve as it slides down her side.
> Are you freaking serious Fluttershy? You have been preparing for this moment all this time, your jimmies finally stirred to maximum capacity.
> You've looked up Equestrian laws, and questioned lawyers about self-defense and intrusion.
> It's severely frowned upon, but it's still legal to provide lethal force to protect yourself should a clear threat is approaching your home.
> It’s fairly obvious that Fluttershy is, sad to say, a menace to your life, and in a delirious rage you have left all logic at the doorstep in taking drastic measures.
> A glorious control panel slides out of your wall, and you push the biggest, and quite frankly the most terrifying looking button it has to offer.
> “Termination Mode, Activated.”
--------
> Your well-constructed camera shows a single gnome moving, estimated about three yards away from her, as seconds begin to tick.
> The noise of slow grinding is heard as it turns towards her.
> This is only for dramatic effect; those babies are so greased up they could spin around like they’re trying to put a fire out of their hair.
> Fluttershy, who was trying to see through a window, turned in shock to look at the cute gnome.
> The gnome's eyes glisten, focusing on the target.
> "Aww, why are you here, little critter? You look like you're lost; want me to help you find your spot in the lawn?"
> The very center of the Gnome's lifeless pupils begin to glow a blood red light, flickering as its generator begins to rev.
 
> “I???????????????t????????'????????????????? ?????????t????????????i????????????m???????????????e?????????? ???????????t?????????o??????????? ???????????d?????????????????????????e???????????????,??????????? ??????????w???????????????????????????????????????????????????????è??????.”
 
> Soon its entire eyes are flashing red, its smile somehow widening in a way that would creep out even Freddy Krueger.
> The heat sensing radar to your right shows white gathering around the gnome, slowly increasing in radius.
> The microphone picks up Fluttershy's last words;
> "What's the matter, little guy? You seem awfully happy.."
> Gnomes never did like being called little.
> The entire screen goes white for about 2 seconds, the sound’s feedback blurred out with nothing but a murderous scream of insanity.
> ...
> “No more target.”
“Thanks, computer, I would have never guessed.”
> Bowing your head in tribute to your beloved pony, you send your regards to the pony as she (hopefully) ascends to the heavens above.
> Itwasnevermeanttobe.gif
------
> A pang of guilt settles in you before you finally realize that your life is now at peace.
> You push another button and the P.A. in your house began playing a victorious fanfare.
> Do-do-do, do, do do, do, do-do!
> Your euphoric state from defeating your nemesis has called for something further.
> You check the calendar, it's Saturday.
> Saturday!
> You push a button with a big "S" labeled on it.
> A disco ball comes reeling down, as laser lights start flashing wildly.
> Begin sequence Basshunter-Saturday.mp3
> You're a one man party; the spirit of Pinkie Pie is heavy in the air!
> You don't even give a fuck anymore, you start pushing random buttons on the panel.
> Cake is dispensed, vodka is poured, and a hologram of Fernando the Manwhore begins dancing.
> You push that button a few more times vigorously.
> A legion of Fernando is now breaking down with you; time to let loose!
> You party for 15 straight minutes, vodka and cake in hand while Fernandos hip thrusts the walls.
> Gnome are gyrating around wildly outside in your enthusiasm.
-----
> After playing Saturday about five times in a row, you realize something.
> The alarm is still going off; what in blazes is going on?
> You turn off party mode, as everything returns to position and red lights go on.
> Ugh, perhaps you should not have consumed so much vodka… or cake.
> You’re feeling quite limber, to say the least.
> Walking over to your hallway, you lift up your handy dandy… emergency telephone!
> After ringing a few times, it’s soon picked up by a ruffled voice, annoyed by the sudden interruption of… whatever she was doing.
> "Son of a bitch, Anon, I’m on the job right now!”
"Sorry Luna, I need your UAV."
> A small pause, and you hear a girly squeal of delight, quickly cut off.
> Another pause.
> "Bout damn motherfucking time I got more airtime up in here! I get like a hundred lines in the past chapters. That’s bullshit!"
> "I'll get there ASAP, time to show the world my PhD I worked for, in BADASSERY!"
"Thanks, Luna."
> "No problem, anything for you champ!"
> .. Champ? Eh, works for you.
> You suddenly get a nice top view picture of whole house on a huge HD screen, all in pristine night vision.
> You stare intensely at the screen, looking for small movement, a rustle in the bushes, anything;
> A sweat drop rolls down the side your face.
> Nothing.
"The hell is going on?"
> Something moves unexpectedly.
> WHAT THE BUCK IS THAT?!
-----
> Unbelievably, a grey blur is flying in different directions around house.
> You watch as the menace disappears into a bush.
> You've seen her do this tactic before, the creepy psycho.
“In the name of George Foreman grills, Fluttershy; WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DIE!”
> You slam the laser button not once, but twice. TWICE!
> You know when you push something twice, it either turns off or something awesome is gonna happen.
> Well, it ain't gonna be turning off.
> Gnome statues immediately SPRING out of the dirt, all around the house.
> Grass concaves into holes as dozens, hundreds of your little demons appear.
> You remember hand making the very first one, the love you’ve spent pouring into it.
> Watch your love blossom into pure art!
> P.A.: "Target is Locked On, Green Light is needed for confirmation, please provide password."
> You press the public announcement button, as you slurredly yell the phrase.
"LOK'TAR OGAR, FOR THE GNOMES!"
> Speakers in the gnomes activate, as their eyes light up a fire red.
 
> "F????????O???????????????????R?????? ?????????T????????H???????????E????? ??????????????G???????????????N?????????O??????O???????????????O?????????????????????????????????O??????????????????????????????????????O????????????O?????????M??????E?????????????????????!???????????”
-------
>Meanwhile, at Twilight Sparkle's library, Spike and our lovable egghead pony are sound asleep.
> Or, at least one of them was.
> Spike, waking up to the lights in the distance, groggily rubs his eyes.
> "Aww, man, it's like 2am! Who could possibly be-?"
> He takes a look at the window as his eyes widen at the sight in front of him
> Thousands of lasers are lighting up the sky at the edge of town.
> "Ohhhh boy! Who's shooting off fireworks?!"
> He runs up to Twilight Sparkle's room, climbing up the stairs in all fours.
> "Hey, Twilight, wake up! You're NOT going to believe this!"
> She tussles around a bit in her bed, before settling on Spike with one hell of a stink eye.
> "I can't believe that you're waking me up right now, Spike... this better be good."
> Spike rubs his hands nervously, and nervously points at the window.
> "You bet! Take a look at that!"
> They both get closer to the window and lay witness to the chaos that's going near Anon's house far away.
> They barely see Luna swirling above, dodging wildly like a fighter jet in a dogfight.
> Twilight Sparkle's eyes widen at what is going on, turning around to assess the situation.
> "Oh no! Oh no no no! We gotta get there immediately! Spike, tell Princess Celestia something is going on with Anon, and we need help!"
> Spike strikes a tired pose.
> "Right on it!"
-----
> Lights are flashing everywhere on the t.v. screen, as lasers lighting up the screen into the sky.
> Looks like Star Wars is filming another movie here, you chuckle to yourself as chaos ensues around your home.
> You scream maniacally at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.
“Ah, ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha!”
> It was totally worth the Mandark reference.
> This well-lit show goes on for about three minutes.
> Suddenly the lasers stop, and nothing moves nor stirs, the sounds of screaming laser echoing off in the distance.
> You freeze mid pose, and sprint for the phone.
"The hell is going on? Luna, report in!"
> "Anon, she's going for your p-!"
> The phone cuts out, as the lights flicker out.
> As if a prank of God himself, the entire power to your house has gone out;
> And now you need to take a shit.
> You clap your hands twice, and the candles lining the inside of your house flare up, illuminating the majority of the rooms.
> Clap on, *clap clap*!
> Clap off, *clap clap*!
> Clap on, clap off, the clapper!
> You point out to yourself that this is why you curse the gods now and then, for giving you such easily debunkable technology.
"I swear this mother fucker is getting smarter every day."
> You hear a small whirring noise, and you look around to find the source.
“What in Pluto’s name…? AUGH-!”
> The hairs on the back of your neck shoot right up and you duck and cover your ears.
> A deafening screech erupted outside the house, the terrible noise of metal grinding against metal.
> You apologize for cursing the gods, oh please, make it stop!
-----
> Death has been waiting for this moment, and flows intangibly out of the fridge.
> ...
> He was hungry, ok?
> He makes it out of the kitchen into the living room to make the kill, and floats past the front door
> A large chunk of metal from the door slides out and slams him on the head.
> Apparently he’s not as intangible as he thought.
> TKO!
> “GOD DAMN IT HOW THE FUCK DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?! FUCK THIS SHIT!”
> Death is now pissed with this household, and he swears to burn it to the ground.
> Flies through a wall, and heads to the evergreen forest to slaughter small animals
-----
> After the screeching of a thousand dying cats end, you hear part of the metal door crash down from other side of the house, along with wild cursing from a dark entity.
> Terrified by this small event, you burst from your squatting position and floor it back into your bedroom, standing before the sacred box.
“Mr. Box of Wonders, I think I’m going to die or get raped, so uh.. if I could have something to defend myself better than this crowbar,”
> You point at the rusty weapon, still resting untouched on top of the bed frame.
“I would be very much so in your debt. Mind hooking me up?”
> The chest shakes in response, lights flashing from the cracks, as the latch lifts itself.
> You lift it open to see what the higher forces that compels this box has to offer, and give a toothy smile.
“This will do.”
> You grab a modified M16 out of the box, the barrel shortened and two circular ammo clips permanently attached on each side.
> On the side of it shines the engraved words "The Patriot".
> You give a tip of the hat to MGS fans for understanding the importance.
> Donning a black ski mask, you kill the candles and put on infrared vision.
> It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum.
> Pausing for a moment, you check your pockets, just in case.
> Oh hey, you have bubblegum!
“Now I’m PUMPED!”
------
> You stealthily make your way out of your room, taking glances around the corners for any sight of a tango to take down; still no sight of anything suspicious.
> Well, you know, beyond your house being infiltrated by a pony after investing tons of bit into it.
> That's it; you're mad, bro. You swear at the power going out at the worst of times, pining for some support right now.
"I'd call Rainbow in a heartbeat if it meant kicking this pony's plot."
> No offense to Luna, of course. She’s more your scout than infantry; Rainbow is your bazooka wielding warrior.
> *Click*, safety is now off as you advance out of your room.
> You nervously enter the next corridor, checking the corners of the hallway.
> Still nothing, you were expecting at least a necromorph in the corner, or something!
> Perhaps the villain resides on the stairway, as you quickly check for clearance.
> Again, surprisingly, nothing.
> This is surprising, by now Flutter would have activated some sort of quickly tossed together contraption.
> Your ears quickly pick up a slight movement from the living room, as if something had drop to the floor.
> You grip the handle harder.
> You enter your living room in question, peering in every direction your neck can allow.
> Iron sight at the ready, you survey the scene; the room looks good, except…
> Great merciful Nayru, the front door.
> There's a shabbily crafted welding tool on the ground, along with a decent sized hole over the very top of the door.
> Great oogly moogly, where the hell did they get something that could cut through steel that thick?
> You aim the intimidating Patriot around a bit more, still not able to find your target.
> You walk towards kitchen-
> Ugh!It smells like death was here!
----
> This isn't making any sense; normally you can hear Fluttershy from a mile away.
> Yet you’ve heard or seen nothing but a large chunk of your door dropped, as well as your kitchen reeking of some sort of stench.
> Without another second to ponder this, Equestria’s fastest shadow launches around you, spinning on the spot like a bedazzled princess.
> Lolwutjusthappen.gif
> Hot zone initiated, you let loose the hounds of war as the bass drums and trumpets from Snake Eater plays in the background.
> BUM BUM BA BUMMMM~
> You're remodeling your house faster than Tim Allen can with six arms and a dozen claw hammers.
> You can't even keep track of the target, let alone shoot it as it continues to fly around in a speed unlike anything you’ve seen before.
> Target disappears suddenly, as you stop shooting and crouch down behind a corner from the kitchen.
> Maybe nothing’s there?
> Lolfuckthat.jpg
> To Neverland if nothing is there.
> You take three steps forward back into the living room, and give a wary look to your left-!
> Great Scott!
> A pegasus pony in a tight black skinsuit is quietly staring at you with bright magenta eyes.
> Those eyes are hot enough to whisk big john from nothing to full blown in ten seconds flat.
> Wait, no..
> NO!
> SONOFABIT-
-----
> You drunkenly fire away at the mare; Fluttershy should be dead!
> DEAD!
> You’re now dealing with the most terrifying foe you’ve yet to encounter;
> A zombified ninja has entered your premises, and is attempting to eat your brains.
> You’re serious as hell.
> The bloody kraut has gone airborne again, as you’re lacing the walls with bullet arcs.
> Where'd it go again?!
> You realize it far too late, as it has makes a beeline right into your ribcage.
> It slams right into your side, and you’re sent spiraling across the room into the couch, bones crunched from the blow.
> Adrenaline is dumping into your heart like red bull has replaced your blood, effectively replacing the screams of pain shattering throughout your body.
> You roll with the momentum, back flip off the couch, take aim, and f-! ...
> No eyes on target! The zombie of death has hidden itself once more.
> You retreat behind the couch again, hands shaking from the stress.
> You kind of wish you had a cigarette now, or at least some coffee to sober you up.
> "WHATTHEHELLISGOINGONINHERE"
------
> You fly your gun over the couch and fire in the direction of the noise.
> With a new and improved battlecry, you fire at the door!
“AWRROOOOOOOOCHE!”
> Rattarattarattaratta!
> You immediately stop, after spraying the general area down
> *blink*
"Awwh shit. Luna, I'm so sorry boss. Damnit.."
> "GAAGGHHYGH MY EYES BIG SISTER SHE GOT ME UGGGhAAH"
> She flies off, barrel rolling into trees. God, you just shot down your own ally, you feel terrible.
> And drunk.
> Amidst the scene you didn't notice the monster had managed to get behind you.
> You get grappled around the neck, as a cloth stuffed up your ski mask
> You wrestle to get it away; adrenaline is making liters for your body to burn.
> Frantically struggling, you’re suddenly lifted into the air;
“MMMMMMMFH!”
> Seismic tossed to the ground!
> Holy rupees, and hear you thought you had badass strength in a panic.
> Chloroform apparently tastes like cow pies; guess it makes sense why you never attempted to ingest it.
> Whooooa, vodka and chloroform is making you...
> Goodnight, mom, back to bed I go…
> *thud*
-----
> “Alright, IVs and pulse monitor is set, he have him under the standard amount anesthesia.”
> “I suppose it’s pointless to use it on him, considering his condition, but it’s the law…”
> “Enough talk, ladies, we have an emergency on our hands. Preparations for the surgery to save his arm have been set, let’s get him open. Pass me the scalpel…”
-----
> What feels like a nap almost as long as your first, you finally begin to stir.
"Oh god... what happened..?"
> Well damn, it appears you may have blacked out.
> Waking from your newfound position the couch, you realize you're tied down like that scene from the Exorcism.
> It appears you now have a hangover; just wunderbar.
> Looking around, you see that the lights have come back on; glad to see the power on now.
> Fernando's sole hologram is half flickering in and out, his groin making love to the chair.
> “Love is large, a brontosaurus,”
> “Passion like a bleeding walrus,”
> You promise yourself to figure out where the power supply box is, and make sure it's guarded much, MUCH better.
> You also promise to eat better; you haven't had a decent thing besides coffee and cake.
> You make other random promises you intend to keep;
> Unless, of course, you're about to die.
> Looking down, you realized you missed an apparently small detail.
> Good Celestia, you're shirtless, the breeze from the hole in the door is doing a serious number on your chest.
> Oh lord, it tickles!
> Curses! It's getting dauntingly chilly in here, praying that you don’t catch another cold.
> Because, you know, being sick again is the worst of your worries at the moment.
> Done looking around, you blatantly realize something entirely amiss once again.
> “D??????????o?????????? ????????????y????????????????o??????????????u??????????????? ??????????????t????????h???????????i??????????????n??????????k?????????????????? ?????????????????h????????????e????? ???????r????????????e???????????a??????????????l???????????????????????????????????ê???????????s????????????? ??????????????i???????????????t?????????????????????????????”
????????????????
??????????> “I???????????????? ?????????????d?????o??????????????n???????????????????'?????????????t????????????? ?????????????k?????????n??????????????o????????????w????????.?????”
 
> They're here, all of them.
> Why are all of your gnomes in here?
> Why are they all looking at you?
> Why are they smiling?
-----
> Before things enter an awkwardness beyond your comprehension, a familiar voice penetrates the room.
> "Man, was THAT fun! Keheh, I haven't had a challenge like that in WEEKS!"
> The mare of the hour has finally shown herself
> Datvoice.jpeg
> Waltzing in from another room with an air of pride, the agile snooklegabber in the skintight suit appears.
> She attempts to take off her mask in the slowest possible fashion;
> It catches on her suit, much do to her chagrin.
> "Damn it! Why can't it just-"
> With a vicious tug, it rips right off.
> Who's that Pegasus? DUN NUN NUH!
> It's... Rainbow Dash! DUN NUN NUH!
> "Man, you are no fun when you're out! You were like a legless mule sitting there, no kick to ya!"
> Your mind is in ravished and clueless awe.
-----
> You wish you still have some alcohol or something to convince you that this isn't reality.
> Sadly, the aches in your sides remind you that this is certainly not the case.
"What. The. Fuck?"
> Rainbow Dash wiggles out of her suit, and flops on the couch next to you.
> She does not look happy anymore.
> "What's the matter, surprised?"
"Damn right, I'm surprised. I'm tied half naked to couch, and my gnomes are surrounding me."
> She looks at all the gnomes, and appears just as confused as you are.
> They still stare back silently as ominous Latin music plays in the background.
> "That... I can't explain! I leave one minute, and they're all here when I came back!"
"... alright, why is my shirt off?"
> She blushes ragingly mad at this point, clearly flushed about the topic.
> Damnit, why can't she less cute when she's embarrassed, she's the coolest of the ponies.
> Wait, what is this… feeling?
> Your nipples are…
> Erect?!
> SHOVE OFF, COLD AIR!
> "Well, uhm.. remember when I said if I were to save you from Fluttershy, and go too fast, you'd be a wreck?"
"Yes."
> "Well, you're a wreck right now after I crashed into you, so I took off your shirt and bandaged ya! Yeah..."
> You look down at your waist with a huge dose of skepticism.
> Damned if you didn't notice, your mid torso has been wrapped in a sort of blood stained cloth, holding together in ways you can’t even imagine.
------
> It’s kind of a poor job done, but the effort was there, and you feel a weight of jimmy stirring come off your shoulders.
"Well shit, Dash, not bad for someone without fingers."
> "I'm so sorry, Anon, I didn't even mean to hit you, I was doing my best to dodge all that metal you were firing at me."
> ....
> Well, son of a hippogriff, you almost killed Rainbow Dash;
> And her she is, bandaging you up and sitting next to you.
> Your personal pride that you had stashed away in a corner has now been swept up, placed on a table, doused with gasoline, and set ablaze.
"Damnit, Dashie, I don't know what to say. If I didn't have my arms tied, I'd give ya a hug and tell you how sorry I am for letting loose the gates of hell on ya."
> Dash looks at all the ropes and knots around your limbs, and gives a sheepish smile.
> "That might have been overkill. You didn't seem too happy to see me when I first made it in."
> "If I untie you, promise not to kill me and listen to what I have to say this time?"
> You ponder over the pros and cons of this;
> She is Rainbow Dash, your best friend and the person always there to look out for you.
> On the other hand, she was the reason your house stands in ruins to the point of condemning it.
> Well, actually, that was your over reaction to the whole scene, hmm.
> You swore you saw Fluttershy's hair!
------
> Alright, alright! You admit that you may have been in the wrong, although the intrusion has some questions to be answered.
"I'll hear you out, but only if you explain yourself for why you did this,"
> "Yeah, you don't have to worry about that, Anon, I just-"
"AND you agree to a couple things I am going to say afterwards."
> "A-agree?"
"A-fucking-gree. Now untie me before I get rope burn, we need to do this fast before I head to the Mare Hospital and the troops get here."
> She begins to untie your hands, and you work on your feet.
> You can tell she’s doing while being scared senseless at what's gonna happen.
> "Troops? You mean, Celestia's guards? B-but, I thought you were-"
"Dashie, I just used hundreds of millions of volts worth of electricity, and sent out enough lasers to convince anyone who likely noticed that the Russians are invading."
> "Who are t-the Russians?! Are they nearby?"
> Facehoof. Right, wrong world, wrong analogy.
-----
"No, no. I'll explain to them what’s going on if a couple guards come down here. Now, explain yourself."
> Dash shifts nervously, rubbing her hoofs together and sweating like a whore in a church.
> You caringly put your arm around her, and yank her next to your chest.
> She's red once more, and shaking a tad bit at both the situation, and the fact she’s so close to you once more.
> You just realized you probably stink like hell, and you pretty much shoved her into your armpit of death.
"Aww crud, sorry Rainbow."
> You go to grant her the mercy of fresh air, but she immediately grabs on to your chest and latches herself to you.
> Oh man, her eyes are torrenting loose a flood, d'awwww.
> Why the heck! She just scared the shit out of you for the entire night, and you're about to wrap your arms around her like a loving father.
> Alright, you deserve it, and she deserves this, too.
> IT SHALT BE DONE!
> You pray the next time you embrace her like this, you're a bit more hygienic, but this will have to do for now.
-------
> Rainbow didn't appear to mind a bit, and soon she lets loose a chain of apologies, tears pouring down her cheeks.
> "You never want to hang out as much as you used to, you always were obsessed with building your house to protect yourself from crazy ponies ever since we became friends, and
> You always ignore what I have to say, and you always turn my help down, said that your house was all you need to protect you, so I showed it couldn't protect you so I would, and I
> Always want to hang out with you, and be with you, and I'm sorry and  I reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally like-"
> You feel your heart stirred from the cold, hard chamber you've kept it in, not once did you feel like this since being warped here into Equestria.
> Spending all this time alone here, you realized you treaded from the path you wanted to take; your fear of Fluttershy and your overachieving goals you set for yourself caused you to begin missing the logic of enjoying life here.
> It was not until just now that you realize how much Rainbow cares for you.
> Not once did you realize how much she made you happy; during the best of times, and even the worst, she was there, and she always had your back.
> All this time you did not you realize how much you want to make her happy, if not for just this one moment .
> You let an emotion finally come forth to comfort both her and you, and you give her the tightest hug you can muster.
-----
> Ribs throbbing from the pressure, a single tear of the highest order of manliness sheds from one of your eyes.
> "A-anon, are you.. crying?"
> You wipe that single tear in the smoothest way you can muster, giving a Might Guy smile.
"Nahh, I'm just being stupid, I'm sorry for not paying enough attention. Alright, Dashie, time for my demands."
> She gives a nervous gulp; she knows she's in the spotlight after baring her cyan colored soul.
> "Hehe, eh.. What is it?"
"First: This house is done for. I am going to need to rebuild it, and I'm going to need your help. Just a simple house, this time."
> "Alright! With my skills, we can have this place ready in
> TEN
> SECONDS
> FLAT!"
"That's cute and all, Dashie, but it's more likely to take a few weeks, if not a month. This brings me to the second demand: let me stay with you."
> Man, you'd think she would get used to me calling her Dashie, but you guess it'll take her some time to get used to it.
"Do you not like me calling you Dashie?"
> "Actually, well... no, I don't like you calling me Dashie. I like it when you call me Dash or Rainbow Dash."
> slaptotheface.mkv
-----
"Good god, are you being serious, after all the times I make you blush?"
> She's going to stay red at this rate.
> "Well, y-yeah, I'm serious... because I *love* it when you call me your Dashie."
> Pokerface.rar
> YOUR Dashie?
> You see what's going on here, but you choose not to say anything about it.
"Fair enough. Are you alright with me staying at your home?"
> She bobs her head up and down. You can't help but smirk.
> You keep looking into those eyes, as they lure you in with their luscious color.
> Good mercy, and here you thought she was a zombie.
-----
> "I just feel bad because all I have is my bed and a cool couch."
"I'm sure we can work something out, hehe. Alright, ready for my final demand?"
> It's as if she's been asked what she wanted for her final meal.
> Looks like she's more exhausted than I am.
> "... Yeah."
> You take one of your arms, lift her head up by her chin, and you gently rub your nose with hers.
> Eskimo kisses ftw~
> Good job, Anon, it looks like she might just faint.
"Protect me in the most badass way possible."
> Now, you WERE about to make a move on her.
> Note here that you said WERE.
> You say this because Dash is as fast as greased lighting, and beat you to the punch.
> Bam, this turned into a super eskimo kiss, complete with lips and the french conquest.
> Well! Even morning is starting to come up, what luck.
> A whole minute of this warming embrace passes before you separate yourself from her.
> She gives you a look of surprise, discomforted by the whole not-making-out part.
> "What's wrong, Anon?"
> The gnomes are vibrating and spinning around enthusiastically.
> Someone's outside.
> The doorbell rings!
"Alright, Dashie, we got something going on. Mind giving my shirt back?"
------
> You limp your happy yet sore plot to the beaten front door, with Rainbow Dash right behind ya.
> You pull up the lever, and with a heavy metal grinding, the door slowly opened.
> Well, this was not what you expected.
> What appears to be the entire Equestrian Army is now surrounding your entire house.
> Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle are chilling about 50 feet away front of the porch, eyeballing you up.
> Princess Luna is also there, wearing a fitting eyepatch.
> Holes, holes everywhere.
> Celestia is the first to speak.
> "Anon, I came as soon as Twilight and Luna got to me, did someone do this to you?"
> She gestures to Luna, the yard, your house, and you.
> Luna must have not seen who shot her, thank the greater forces.
> Twilight Sparkle is entirely poker facing right now.
> She gives a wink at me, as if she has a plan.
> You love her for this, despite not knowing how she has a plan for this.
> Rainbow is huddling behind you, not sure to take the blame or just pretend she's invisible.
"Yes, someone decided to intrude my home, and cost me huge damage to my property and myself. But-!"
> Celestia interrupts you like the boss she is
> "I think I know who the culprit is. We found her laughing while inside one of your trees, and found bits of her feather down in the area. Is this the person who was causing you this problem?"
> She presents a covered object, and pulls off the cover.
> "Oh.. wait... I can explain..."
> Mother fucking Fluttershy in all of her glory, crouching down in panic, and giving you a nervous look that showed she was in trouble.
> "Oh hi, Anon... I don't know what's going on here, but I was just, um... in the area and wanting to say hello... teehee!"
> Welp, you found a solution to make sure you can live in peace.
"Yep, it was her. Please don't banish her, I think she saw her mistakes. Just explain to her she needs to knock next time."
> Celestia nods wisely, and motions the guards to follow her.
> "Very well, we'll all be off, have a good day Anon, Rainbow Dash!"
> Dash jumps out from behind you.
> "Yup, take care, Princess!"
> They all march and fly away, Twilight giving a look of disapproval before following suit.
> You and Rainbow Dash take a glance at each other, and back at the house.
> The door frame is about to collapse, and Fernando is now grinding on a harpoon.
> Rainbow Dash is the first to make the suggestion.
> "How about... we work on this later? I could use a walk."
> You blow off your ribs, you can wait.
> You already feel the magic working on fixing them.
> YOU ARE FUCKING WOLVERINE.
> You pick up Dash, and toss her on your shoulder.
> "Hey~! I said I wanted to WALK!"
"Where did you want to go?"
> She gives a sigh of defeat; now that's a first.
> "I don't care, as long as I'm there to stop any trouble!"
> You give a chuckle, and realize you're ready for a fucking nap.
"Alright, I could use some coffee right about now."
> THE END