> Like all the mornings you've come to enjoy and love, it all begins with a simple routine.
> The sun is the start of said routine, and boyyy is it a fancy classic. Who can deny that a sunrise is a perfect way to signify a hard working start to an adventurous day?
> One that could put smiles on the face of kindergarten children, like that moment where you line up for recess. How you fight and cut to get in front, and you get sent to detention as a humorous result.
> That perfect moment where you get crowned and garbed for being Ms. Utah, despite being born in Oklahoma.
> When your kid gets you that cheap "World's best dad" mug, so they won't get grounded for lighting fireworks in the basement.
> Who can't help but smile?
> Who?
> You, of bloody course.
> To you, that tint of lighter blue in the sky is the ominous signal that the Huns are invading, you're out of toilet paper while having a vicious bowel movment, or Pizza Hut is declaring bankruptcy; thinking upon it, it could be a fancy combination of the three.
> The sight of a beautiful, glorious sunrise, in essence, means that the Pizza Hut you're taking a shit in has ran out of toilet paper due to its bankrupt nature, all thanks to those underpaying Huns that invaded the store.
> Now THAT, my friend, is one heck of a "ooh, that's bad" combo.
> In retrospect, you'd rather be ripping off your shirt to wipe your lower backside than wake up in this genuine hellhole, especially in this particular moment.
> You're nestling your restless head under the pillow of your makeshift bed, praying to whatever gods there are left here that perhaps she might be sick, or tired; maybe she forgot today was Arbor Day and she's off to pay her respects to the local trees, whatever it may take to get her off your back.
> YES, they do celebrate Arbor Day. You’ve checked.
> Twice.
> But no, you can hear the illuminative stirring from down the hallway, the clops of a particular orange mare whose hat is the only thing she requires.
> It's as if death himself is coming, and he has your number, baby.
> He has yo' number!
> Great Princess Luna, you hear the erratic clopping, and it's like a scene straight out the Telltale Heart, your blood pressure beginning to build.
----
> Kudos to the numerous educated readers that have enjoyed Edgar Allen Poe.
----
>Stuffing your head into your pillow, you hope suffocation will take you out after doing this morning custom for three weeks straight once more.
> Yes, yes, welcome to Day 23 of the wondrous world of Ponyville: Sweet Apples Acres edition.
> The “clop-clop-clop” is the second sign though, soon to appear after the sun dips it's pretty little head out to show the world it's not dead just yet; and there it is-
> clop-clop    
> Clop-clop
> Clop-Clop
> CLOP-CLOP
> In regards to the third sign, well... if you missed the first two, you more or less dun goofed.
> EXPLOSIONS of splinters go shooting everywhere as the door is kicked down, hinges liberated from their prison within the frame. With a loud BOOM, it comes crashing majestically down to the floor, three feet from the foot of your bed.
> As the dust settles from this rationalized moment of chaos, you peer from under your pillow to see the cowgirl pony herself before you, smiling as bright as a day at the beach.
> Why can't there be a single beach in Equestria? They’re so ravishing... and Beachy!
> "HOWDY dere, pardner! Are ya' ready to hop out an’ get an early start on that house ya dream of?"
> Oblivious to the noise she makes EVERY
> Yes EVERY
> EVERY
> SINGLE
> MOTHER
> FUCKING
> TIME,
> You continue to glare from under the cover of your pillow, a pestered vampire being hit on by an old lady with garlic perfume.
"Yes, Applejack, I do believe I am ready to seize the day."
> "That's the spirit, Anon! We'll get that house up and running before ya know it!"
> Thank the greater powers, another month of this imitation of the bad fiery place below and you might take Fluttershy and accept being whatever in Luna’s name she wants you to be, anything to be rid of this miniature hell you've managed to set yourself up for.
> You can imagine Fluttershy in a strip leather suit, complete with a homemade whips, and you in nothing but boxers and a ball gag.
> Interesting thought to start the morning.
----   
> Applejack heads on downstairs when you decide to actually take the initiative of not hiding on the roof today.
> To the raging inferno with hiding out of fear, you've done this work before; time to fly out of your bed like a boss, put on a new set of clothes, and show the world you're it's manager, and it's about to go under review.
> BED LAUNCH INITIATED!
> You attempt your leap, and with the cushioning of the bed, your momentum couldn't be more perfect as you soar with a single hop.
> Sadly the ceilings are about six feet high, and your face collides with the ceiling before you come crashing down.
> You don't think too well in the morning, supposedly. It’s been said before, anyways.
> To make sure the law of physics has made its point, it decided to show off gravity in its finest form.
> Applejack's top floor is built well and sturdy, and can take a decent beating-
> From a pony.
> A decent size male like yourself, much more potentially dynamic in force, is an entirely different story.
> Fun fact: Your guest room is right above the kitchen. This makes for better days when the food of Grannie's fine cookin' will lure you in like 1990s Republicans to a Jerry Springer Show.
> Fun fact (2): The floors of your room lack the support beams that would better handle humans, especially if you turn into dead weight at six feet in the air.
> The moment you realize this is happening, you let loose a bellow of a wounded buffalo, splitting a panel of the floor into two as you enter the bottom floor.
> You swear time slows to a trickle every time something dramatic occurs, as you perform the unorthodox motion of leaving the top floor of the house.
>Thankfully Grannie was cooking something up, and the table wasn't quite set yet, as you come crashing down just as efficiently as your bedroom door.
> Kitchen Table: 105/105 hp
> Anon used Double Edge!       
> Critical Hit!
> Kitchen Table used Explosion!
> IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE! @
-----
> [.. Why do you always destroy things that you don't own? Are you TRYING to put yourself into MORE debt?]
> Get out of my head, Twilight! You know this already!
> Dust fanning the area, you notice Applejack wasn't even halfway down the stairway when this all occurred.
> You both make eye contact when you both finished coughing all the dust away.
> Dead silence, and suddenly all this spaghetti fell out of your pocket.
> What are you supposed to say, you were working on putting a fire exit in?
> "Well, geez, Anon, if you were that hopping to get to work, why didn't you say so? Grannie, could you tell Big Mac he's got some work to do, the door fell off in Anon's room, and it looks like termites are a-chewing through his floor."
> You relocate yourself from the destroyed table, and give Applejack a worried look. She winks at you, trying to show that it’s not a big issue.
> Grannie, who has been oblivious to the wreck you've caused here, simply nods as she continues her life's ambition of stirring some sort of soup.
> In the morning. Huh. 
> "Allllrighty, I'll a-get his bucking broncos up and out of bed jus' as soons as I make my specialty apple soup!"
> You cough ever so slightly, catching yourself before you can choke on your own tongue. These fuckers make anything they can out of apples. You bet the wood in the house here even comes from apple trees.
> Giving a side glance to Grannie, you can't help but admire her dedication to making apple soup. You've once attempted to make pineapple bread before you ended up here in Equestria, and, well... that didn't quite go well.
> It was healthy, though! But that’s about all it was, sadly.
> Applejack trots on by, with you soon following. Your behind sore and your pride more so, you're just as pumped as any other day since your lovely life here.
> Gotta love Ponyville.
-----
> Jogging to keep up with Applejack to the construction site of your almost finished house, you ponder over the various hum drum life you've been "enjoying" since your time here.
"So, uh, where's Applebloom this early in the morning? I didn't see her up at all; neither did I see Big Mac..."
> "It's the weekend, so I reckon she's out with her friends. Big Mac is, well, sleeping in. However, you gotta get focused on that house now!"
> Applejack is definitely MVP,
> Most Valuable Pony, lol
> In terms of helping you, although you didn't quite think the extent of the work would be this hard. While Applejack may be helping you out, you've been working your ass off the most to make sure this house is in fruition, and with all you've been putting into it, you gotta admit it feels pretty damn good to make something like this.
> Folding your hands behind your head, you look up to appreciate the sky above, pegasi moving clouds to their destined areas.
> Applejack, slowing down to a steady walk, gives a look back to make sure you're not slacking behind.
> ‘Screw you!’ Your mind shoots at her, giving her an uneasy stare. You can do circles around this pony now!
> You've been doing this since what feels to be forever, and you're not quite out of breath like your dashing spree into Ponyville almost a month ago.
> Oh yeah, that's one problem you had beaten out of you, lethargy and the eagerness to sit on your plot.
> However, you've yet to figure out the best way to take care of another issue. So far the only problem has been... well speak of the demon herself, there she is.
> Hiding like a boss in a small bush near the path down a fair ways, you can spot Fluttershy's tail sticking out of it like a sore thumb in a thumb wrestling contest.
> ... Sounds like you've been picking up on Applejack's bad analogies lately.
> You continue with Applejack, keeping your distance from Flutter, and eyeball the bush with a deadlock stare until you've safely passed, in which you give a sigh of relief.
> "What's da matter there, Anon?"
> You try to keep your voice down, not wanting to cause any more attention than you already have. Be your luck, her discovery will make her pop out with a glock or something.
"We, uh.. just passed company I'd rather avoid at the moment."
> She stops dead in her tracks and turn around, looking for the pony in question.
> Oh COME ON, WHY did I have to say that?
> Applejack is going into full Terminator mode, scanning the area for lifeforms.
> She seriously is missing the bush.
> IT HAS A FREAKING PINK TAIL!
-----  
> "Well, uh... if you say so, I see nuttin."
> You raise an eyebrow.
> You raise the other.
> You start alternating eyebrow raising formations.
> That's it, time to educate this young lass in the art of detection. You've become the master of spotting the decently crazy mare ever since the traps she's been setting out for you.
"Watch this."
> You waltz over to the bush with classical enthusiasm, ready to shed blood. You're seriously sick of being caught in nets, holes, and paths of tranquilizer darts.
> With a motion worthy of Siegfried, you crouch, grab the bottom of the bush, and rip it out, launching it into the air.
"TIME TO FLY!"
> Damn, that was easy, as you righteously look down at the frightened pony.
> ...  
> Where is the scurvy dog?
> You look at the detached bush nearby, only to see that the tail fell out of the bush.
> Oh.
> *click*
"ITSATRAPAIYEEEEEEEEEE"
> Another fucking pit materializes beneath you, and you make a cartoon motion of trying to run on air to get out for a few moments before gravity once more returns.
> Falling down, you grapple onto roots and other things jutting out of the side of the hole in a wild attempt to save your sorry life; upon looking down, you see the depths of this pit, which is QUITE deep.
> This is something cut out of Tom Sawyer, drop a rock and you won't hear that bad boy hit the bottom.
> After catching a root that thankfully does not want to detach with you, you find a hole in the wall to put a foot in, effectively not falling to your death.
> You look down, and even with the sun pouring in, you still can't see the bottom.
> Whatthehellisthis.jpeg
> You've scraped your hands on your attempt to stop, to the point of bleeding, it appears, to your lament, to hurt quite badly.
"APPLEJACK, GET ME THE *arooga* OUT OF HERE!"
-----
> Stirring thousands of feet below this well-crafted hole, something exits its long slumber, its unseen mass slithering over itself in the most disgusting and terrifying manner, like a barrel of eels in a frenzied mess. Scales and fur mixed, the creature is aged centuries, an infinite amount of eyes, teeth, claws and hatred.
> Never to have seen the light of day (and for good reason), this horrifying entity is only heard of in whispers of folk tale, told to young mares as bed tales to make sure they be good at night, of the bogey colt under their bed.
> Its name alone strikes terror in the gods above and below, far worse than the fiercest dragon or any other mythical creature. To utter it is enough to evoke suffering of a thousand years, a famine caused by the murmur of its true form, and a gruesome death a hundred times over at the mere sight of one of its pupils.
> It has since given up any interest in mortal affairs, and takes rest far below the surface, and death himself has given it a wide booth. Forgotten solely because of time itself, a batter of an eye was enough to corrode the entirety of the world itself, a cruel joke from forces greater than what any being has ever seen.
> However, for a marked day in destiny, it retains its consciousness once more, for something just as threatening as this dark power has come to existence, the proximity of this being remarkably close.
> Unknowingly to you as to how precious your life has just become, the hairs on the back of your neck shoot straight up, fear of the highest degree racking your spine like a professional on a xylophone.
> The xylophonist is working a fine job, as the sudden shiver you feel overtakes your arms, and you grasp the root with dear life.
> Looking down, you suddenly realize this was not the thing to do, as your body freezes, paralyzed to the spot as both your blood and adrenaline begin to pump wildly.
> You see nothing, and you smell nothing, but anxiety is shooting all sorts of warning signs that there is something down there, malicious and with a lust for murder. While no wind or draft brushes past you, a wave of a cold aura embraces you suddenly, as if you understand from that moment; you are about to suffer a worse fate than death if you fall.
> In the moments of your frenzied panic, you hear the quietest of sounds, a whisper of a whisper, yet your ears, so tuned in with your mind overtaken in hysteria, are able to pick up each word muttered, a thousand tongues of the same three words, if only in your head.
> C?????????????????????m????????????????????????????.????????????????.????????????.????????????
??????????????
???????????????> T????????????ö???????????.??????????????.?????????.????????????
> ???????????????????????.??????????.?????.???????????
-----
> A rope immediately comes flying down, dangling near you in an elusive manner.
> You snatch it in a hand without thinking, and give it a friendly tug, thanking whoever sent it down for clearing you out of here.
> "Uhm, if you want up, you're, uh... going to have to love me. Teehee!"
> Oh Farore, you already know who it is before you bother to look up, closing your eyes for a moment in a brisk effort to calm yourself. You can’t figure which terror is worse; the one above or below.
> Behold her majesty Queen Douchebag II, Fluttershy is peeping over the hole with her wide smile, rope in hand.
> She must be doing workout sessions with Iron Will if she think she’s going to be able to pull you out.
"Uhh, Fluttershy... I don't think you can lift me up. Why in Equestria would you make a pit this deep anyhow? Why the hell would you make a pit?"
> "Ohhh, you know... I gotta show you that I can save you in times of need!"
> YOU SQUABBLING NOOKERJABBY THIS IS THE SECOND HOLE THIS WEEK
"Oi, Applejack, where are you?"
> Her head pops next to Fluttershy, confused and bemused with the situation at hand. Fancying herself a wide smile, she looks around the gaping maw, impressed with the view.
> Sadly, you’re quite done with the free sightseeing tour, and you’re just really not wanting to buy souvenirs at the moment; maybe a shirt. “I fell into Fluttershy’s pit trap and lived”
> "Right here, fella. What's hanging?"
"I'M HANGING, YOU GRRHAHSHFGSH GET ME OUT OF HERE"
> "Well, no need to cause a ruckus! I jus' figured you and Flutter here was playing a game, although I reckon that IS a perty deep hole you got going on!"
> KILL ME NOW.
> WAIT, NO, don’t do that; you have a better idea.
> Let yourself up, THEN send these bludgeoning buggers down the hole.
> And then jump down to make sure Fluttershy doesn't fly away, and kamekazi into the depths below
> AHAHAHHAHA Yeah you can't do that, your irrational decision dragged to the trash can.
> Applejack, repossessing the rope from Fluttershy without much effort, takes a mighty jawful of the rope of life, and quickly tugs backward, as you rise a few yards at a time.
> Fluttershy, simply hanging over the hole with a lack of argument, continues to stare at you in a way you can only guess as romantically insane passion. As the both of yours and her eyes meet at the same level, you both look away, a bit nervous to make contact.
> You should be infuriated, but you still are guilt ridden at the same time, your awkward history with her coming to mind.
> Looking back down one last time for good measure, you silently remark how this is a horribly deep hole; she must've taken an entire night to prepare this baby.
> Humbly you admit that she did get you pretty good this time though, you totally fell for the trap.
> If you weren't a murder victim waiting to happen, you'd be thrilled with her Death Note worthy tactics.
> C??????????o???????????m??????????????????????.????????.????????????????.??????????????
> Go fornicate yourself, dark and ominous voice.
> As you finally reach the surface, you clamber your way out of the hole, in which the minute of terror has almost turned you religious.
"Thanks Applejack, you saved my life."
> "Ain't nothing I wouldn't do for any other good friend!"
> She's such a sweetheart, in her own sense, and you give her a a tight hug. This pony saved your life, you'd forever be in her debt for this kind act of salvating gratitude.
> "Heya, easy there partner. We gotta keep heading on over to the house, we got folks waitin' on us!"
> You both get on to your feet, and continue down the path, trying to forget the vivid scene that just happened.
> Like a boss? You guess.
> You peer back at Fluttershy, who's done nothing at all to stop the situation from turning into her favor, and notice she's pouting away, trying to work a last minute persuasion.
> Shove off!
----
> As you two continue to walk like a killer-in-training event did not occur whatsoever, you realize Applejack said something that caught your interest.
"Hey Apple,"
> You're gonna try to give her a nickname; Apples, lol.
"What did you say earlier about 'people waiting on us'?"
> Glancing at you with mild interest, she trots on, sharing a wide grin and head held up high.
> "Exactly as I said it, Anon! We have folks here today to help us finish up what's left of the house!"
"Like... who?"
> She gives a hearty chuckle, enjoying the sudden attention you're giving her.
> "Oh, you'll see soon enough!"
> You ponder over the likelihood of whomever could it be, and before you know it, you've reached the destination of your almost finished house.
> Wait, wait. You look at the line above to make sure you thought that right.
> ALMOST FINISHED?!
> You weren't even close to halfway done last night, wha, WHAAAAA?!
"What the fruity banana hammocks is going on here!?"
> You look at the people walking around what was once a construction site, each person hard at work.
> Several unnamed ponies are building and fixing random parts of the house, the newly built structures once nothing but dreams and tears.
> Rarity is making a flowerbed garden by the wall. You thought she HATED dirt. How is she not losing her mind stooping to such dirty methods that doesn’t involve generous pay?
> Pinkie Pie is painting the sides of the house a glorious shade of...
> You guessed it,
> Bubblegum pink; In the name of the Princess, you grieve for your majestically built house. The inscrutable color is almost destroying the image of your imagined home.
> ... But you sort of like it.
> Rainbow is finishing up what is left of your roof, stacking it in an impressively efficient fashion. Knowing she helps decides the weather, you put faith in her to make sure that no leaks will be happening anytime soon.
> Spike is waddling around, doing random finishing touches and making checks on a list, likely made by Twilight for him to do.
> Speaking of the violet unicorn, you find that she is studiously examining your lawn, and appears to be attempting to cast a spell
> On
> Your
> Precious GARDEN GNOME.
> Your eyes dilate, pupils widening as far as they can go. You don’t realize fear until you’ve become a mother, and your child is in grave danger.
> Zoom in on your face, right here.
"NOOOOO! NOT MY CHIIIIIIIILD!"
> You execute your flawless leap into the air, gaining distance like no other mother. As time itself slows down at your whim, you watch as Twilight blankly turns towards you, poker faced.
> Time quickly regains its stature as you collide with your precious gnome, one you've spent many nights chiseling and painting.
> You've learned to love and give it shape, your heart and joy put into this simple and crudely made being of stone. You give an elegant roll to stop the collision from destroying your nose again, before glaring down at a now nervous Twilight.
"WHAT WERE YOU DOING TO MY CREATION!"
-----
> "Well, I was trying a spell that would-"
> You wrap your arms around it like a wounded parent, ready to fend off the hungry predator that dared to touch your precious creation.
"I have only one of these progeny; if I lose it, I don't know if... if I ... could go on..."
> She rolls her eyes and scoffs at you, and with a movement of her horn, the gnome is forcefully removed from your arms, back into her possession.
"Squiggly, NOOOOOOOO!"
> "Geez, Anon, just watch and learn."
> She attempts her spell again on the gnome before you, tears gathering in your hurt eyes as you watch your only child become a sacrifice to the ways of magic.
> It starts to glow ominously, and after a second of the light show, it returns back to its normal state.
> It plops back into the ground uneventfully, returning to its glorified position in the grass.
> You stare at the gnome, gathering no evidence that it has improved in any way; wait…
> It stares lifelessly back at you, indomitable.
> A wondrous twinkle appears in its eyes, as if a spark of life has taken hold.
> Whatthefuck?.gif
> Error, you cannot save in this format using the following symbol: ?.
> In the name of Jabu Jabu, you swear; whatthefuck.gif*
"Why in God Gundam’s name is it twinkling its eyes at me, Twilight Sparkle?"
> She gives a grin worthy of being the pony devil incarnate.
> "Oh, I don't know~! Why don't you say 'I love you' to it?"
> You blink. Is this a trick? It’s Twilight Sparkle, though that would be absurd. Scratching the back of your head, you decide to take the bait, trap or no.
> You’re 0 to 1 on traps, anyways, what can happen?
> You walk towards Twilight Sparkle cautiously, pause for a moment, pick up the cherished gnome, and look right into its well-crafted eyes.
"You know what, Twilight Sparkle? I like that idea." You state very loudly, so every single pony can hear it.
"I love you!"
> Necks crick as every soul within hearing distance turn to see the mistaken confession you’ve slyly given to Twilight Sparkle, who looks away, both flustered and blushing madly.
> You can bet Pokémon card collection that's not all they had to look at, as the gnome started to glow once more.
> IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE
> Its smile turned slowly into a grin, and with a white glow, it flashes, blinding any who are unfortunate enough to be looking directly at it.
-----
> After spending about ten seconds frantically blinking, your eyes finally take focus at the result of your child attempting to go Super Saiyan.
> Well, it appears normal, maybe twenty percent cooler now that it learned Flash attack.
> (y)
> "Yes, it can generate large amounts of electricity, but look below you!" Twilight said, giving a wide smile of satisfaction.
> Peering down below, your eyes pop out at the glorious sight before you.
> Looks like your child was one of thirteen, because twelve more exact replicas of these bad boys are now chilling by your feet.
> Congratulation, they’re boys!
"Well, holy Navi, Twilight, I think I'm in love!"
> "Ehh... er, with who?" She asked, nervous and not sure she wants the answer.
"These brilliant gnomes of course! I love you! I love you!"
> You’re shouting it like you’re casting curses.
> FLASH, FLASH!
> ARGH, YOUR EYES!
> ZE GOGGLES DO NOTHINGS!
> BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT!
> There's now fifty identical gnomes surrounding you, all cuddling to your side. Twilight, somewhat put off by the response, muffles her disappointment before putting up an air of smug success.
> "You see? Next time learn to trust me more, geez. I almost forgot, I'll be sending you an awesome magic box that can make almost any-"
> "HEY ANON! LOOK AT THE STREAMERS!" Pinkie Pie shouts joyously, flinging confetti and streamers in all directions, catching at angles of the house and lawn at precise points.
> That was actually pretty well done.
> Pinkie Pie, Party Ninja.
"Looking nice, Pinkie Pie! Hey Twilight, I'm going to check inside to see how everything is going, alright?"
> "Ah, alright, I'mma head on home now that my work's done here," She replies, using some magic to put the gnomes in place. "It's time to work on some research I've been doing about you and the phenomenon of you being here."
"Sure thing, please let me know if you find anything interesting, alright?"
> She gives a curt but friendly nod before making her way off, Spike sprinting from his admiration of the house and plopping on her back.
-----
> You head towards the threshold of your new domain when Rarity decides to stop you.
> "Oh Anon, could you do me a small favor, darling?"
"Oh, sure! What can I do for you?"
> "Oh dear, it's nothing about me, today's all about you! I was just wondering, do you think laughing tulips or sparkling roses will look better in front of your dashing home?"
> Rainbow Dash: "Needs to be cooler if it's going to be DASHING! RAINBOWWWW"
> Rarity swings her head to the side with a huff, using her mane to deflect the descending pun before laying a single eye on you.
> You're not exactly the flower expert here. As long as they’re not piranha plants or venus fly traps, you quite frankly lack any opinions on the matter.
"Well, will the tulips actually start laughing if I were to have them grow here?"
> "Oh heavens, no! Laughing tulips’ namesake comes from the side effects ponies tend to get when they eat them, it give them a tickling sensation that just simply inspires them to laugh!"
> She gives a joyous laugh lasting exactly one second, as if any longer would insult your sweet and forever loved mother's family.
> That's right... they eat flowers.
"Rarity, as you're the master of fashion and good looks, I can't help but admit that I'd rather entrust you with the judgment as to what is better. Perhaps a bit of both?"
> Her eyes light up like she never considered the modest combination a possibility.
> "My goodness, you're right! If we just put some of them here, and those there...!"
> Leaving her to the epiphany she's putting herself in, you continue into your house to see what other mysteries there are to be found.
> A hand on the door frame, you peer about the living room, only to find an interesting bunch.
> “Ugh, this thing is so heavy!”
> “Don’t be such a whiney flank! Just push HARDER!”
> They all shove a musty looking piece of furniture in unison, although the distance gained was far less than nominal.
> "C'mon, Scootaloo, Applebloom! If don't get this moved before Anon gets here, it won't be as-"
"As what precisely, Sweetie Belle?"
> The trio humbly known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, working diligently to push a very heavy and homemade looking sofa into the corner, all jump in surprise, huddling together for a moment before they realize who the voice was.
> "Heya, Anon!
> Scootaloo is the first to pipe up, the three of them approaching and enthusiastically beaming at you.
> "We were just putting all the stuff the ponies of Ponyville donated for your new home, so it'll be all set when you move in!"
> "And we thought, maybe.." Applebloom chipped in, "maybe if we work hard enough, we just might get our cutie marks for doing such a great job!"
> They all nod in agreement, and you can't help but laugh at them for being so serious about it.
-----
> Oh lord, your sides are aching this time, this is too great. When will they ever learn?
> Sweetie Belle: "What's so funny?!"
"You guys need to stop worrying and trying so hard to get your cutie marks before you blow a gasket! Your hard work here will reward you in other ways, like keeping my good graces and learning to work together!"
> They give an expected look of disappointment to each other, gloomily sighing in sync.
"Hey, now, I don't want any of that here. Besides, it's not like you're the only one here without a cutie mark."
> They all look at each other in bewilderment before they settle on you.
> Scootaloo: "Well, duh! You're not a pony!"
“…”
> Your jimmies stirred, you decide to change the topic and their destination before you blow your lid.
"Alright, fair enough. Hey Sweetie Belle, I think your sister needs some help with the gardening, why don't you three help her out?"
> Trollface.jpg
> "That sounds like a great idea! Let's go, cutie mark crusaders!"
> As they rush on outside, you walk over to the sofa and give it just enough of a push to put it at the right angle. You give the living room a look over.
> Although the walls are quite bare, they're fairly well painted and finished, and the wooden floors are smoothed over with something like wax.
> None of this was close to being done when you were working, and you can't help but be thankful so many ponies got up this early to work on your house.
> You wouldn't dare dream that in the real world something like this would come close to how things turned out to be. Ponies here are tightly knit, and it's a blessing you're getting along well with the group.
> You only worry that being alone in this vacation dream will put you at some risk of certain ponies attempting to break in, and you ponder on what possible security measures you can put down.
> Continuing on, you see they added upholstery to the stairway to your attic, which you built not knowing what in King Zora’s name you're going to put up there, and you venture past the hallway to your bedroom.
> A large thick door stands where an entryway once was, and with a low creak you push it open to the wonders inside.
> Whooooooa.
-----
> It's as if a Ponyville resident put your name in a remodeling contest, and you won the grand prize;
> And they took all of Ponyville's funds and blew it on everything inside.
> An oak dresser with a big circular mirror dominates one wall, the drawer handles gleaming of bronze.
> Glass was put in the windows, like the rest of the house, finally giving a feeling enclosement after working on it from the outside for so long.
> Nice, mounted candles, talk about both a fun fire hazard and a professional way to set the mood for all the mares you invite to your lair.
> A sturdy and very large looking bed rested on another wall, taking a decent chunk out of the middle of the room, the wooden frame well-crafted and held together.
> Sitting on it, it sinks in almost invitingly, ready for your warmth and sleepy head to be indulged in its alluring charm of sleep.
> Getting back up before you surrender to its persuasive whims, you see the last major thing to note of the room.
> A large, wooden chest was tucked into the corner, its frame a crusty bolted steel.
> Bulky in its own right, the frame had engravings all over it, random symbols and line forming shapes of irregular appearance.
> Under the latch that holds the chest closed, an emblem can be barely seen, covered by grime and dust.
> Wiping it down, you see that some sort of triad symbol is marked on it.
> What is god's name is this, an antique?
> You lift the latch, and a terrifying feeling suddenly fills you, the one that chills your spine when you're alone in the house and you hear a scream downstairs.
> Your hair rises on end, and your vision starts to blur for a moment.
> Your chest starts to pound from this sudden incitation of fear, and you clench it, trying to figure what the fuck is wrong with your chest
> Your body's chest, not this old fucking storage thing
"Jesus, what did I eat this morning for the heartburn?"
> Oh that's right, fucking NOTHING. You didn't even change clothes, you fucking ate dust and booked the hell out of there.
> You would have thought that the fun time you had in the hole would have done the trick, but nooo, it’s an old box you find in your bedroom that does you in.
> After a moment, the pain subsides and the fear quells, and giving a moment's doubt and hesitation similar to that of a dog just shocked by its electric collar, you unlatch the bloody thing and lift it open.
-----
> Princess Zelda, it's empty.
> Oh wait, there's something.
"Where can a human find a light in here?"
> Stalling for a moment, you decide to give a humorous shot in the dark.
> *Clap* *Clap*
> Candles flicker to life on the walls.
> Mounted magic* candles, thank you Celestia for the funds.
> With the room very well lit, you see there is a...
"What in Jeremy Wade, a crowbar?"
> You lift it above your head in a majestic and classic manner, a trumpet fanfare declaring your find to the world.
> *You've found a crowbar! It's slightly caked in blood at the end, and you can see the initials "M.F." on the handle, as if it was a crowbar dear to its previous master. Use it to bluntly strike out foes to your mercy!*
> Sweet, a, uh... crusty crowbar that reeks of death
> Upon second thought, a mini flashback to you occur.
> *FLASHBACK SEQUENCE*
> Twilight Sparkle: "I think you're the best thing that's happened to me. I almost forgot, I'll be sending you an awesome magic box that can make almost any-"
> Pinkie Pie: "HEY ANON CHECK OUT MY PLOT!"
> *FLASHBACK SEQUENCE END*
> Something like that. Point is, Twilight sent you a box;
> A box that can materialize anything;
> Anything.
> YOU MUST TEST THIS!
-----
> You sit on your bed next to the chest of wonders, thinking hard. Crowbar sitting all cozy like on the bed frame, you focus intently on what you really, REALLY want right now.
> Your stomach grumbles, its usual kind reminder that you’re hungry.
> YOUR LORD DEMANDS FOOD OF THE HIGHEST ORDER.
> Your mind screws together in concentration, as if you're in a lucid dream and you're trying to imagine the most delicious, scrumptious meatball marinara sub you can possibly acquire.
> Hey. You're a man with simple needs and desires, what can you say?
> You hear this deep rumbling, and with a second thought your stomach might be growling at such an intense sight, howling in aching pleasure.
> It's like you made your own Subway commercial IN YOUR HEAD
> Your stomach has seriously gotten more action from you than what any extremity has since you’ve been here.
> You could make millions off of this commercial, though; just pitching it alone would set you for years.
> And free SUBWAY, EAT FRESH!
> If you were in reality. Or the other reality, whatever it is.
> But you're distracting from the point, as you soon realize it was not your stomach, but rather the chest vibrating on the wood floor in a disturbing manner.
> After what seemed to be half a minute, it's done whatever dark fucking magic it had conjured.
> Grabbing the bottom of the lid, you lift it cautiously.
> You swear you hear demonic chanting coming from within, the work of the devil at hand.
> Do you really want to eat this sub?
> Eh, not like it's gonna kill you. Hopefully.
> "OH HAI THERE ANON!"
> With the loud shout from behind you, the chest slams down against your fingers with a will of its own.
> It's attempting to latch itself close.
"OHMYFUCKINGGODAUUUUUGHHH"
> The lovable pony that caused the panic, Pinkie Pie, hopped on in to see how Ponyville's newest resident is doing, and is happily staring as the chest is attempting to sever every finger you possess.
> "Watcha doin' there?"
> You swing your head around, settling at Pinkie Pie’s face, a crazed look in your eyes.
"IT’S TRYING TO EAT ME!"
> "Looks like your hands are full!"
“I DON’T WANT ANY BAD PUNS RIGHT NOW!”
> Giving a wider smile at the irony, she jumps over next to you, and begins to rub the chest from under the lock. Not crushing your fingers as hard, you hear it gurgle.
> Seriously, the fuck?
> Your chest is cooing like an innocent child in its loving mother's arms, and you've managed to relocate your mangled fingers out of harm's way, falling back on your plot.
> Giving one last noise of affection, it returns to its dormant state, where Pinkie pops the lid right open.
"N-no, wait Pinkie-!"
> She looks into the chest's contest, turning back to give you looks of bewilderment, before bursting into a smile that could light up the world of shadows.
> "Anon, HOW COULD YOU!"
"How... how could I what?"
> "Hold out on me, with all this CAKE?"
-----
> The swelling of your fingers slowly going down with the magic, you peer into the box at the glorious sight.
> Cake, nothing but cake, and so many different KINDS.
> This much cake could make a human, three ponies and their MOTHERS diabetic.
> You know Pinkie Pie is willing to risk it.
"Now Pinkie, remember that all things come in moderation-"
> "HEY EVERYONE THERE'S CAKE IN HERE, COME ON IN AND PARTAYYYYY!"
> She's launching cake out of the chest in a flurry of frosting, landing neatly all over the room.
> Ponies start coming in, glad from the break in work, with the smell of frosting filling the air.
> Appleblossom is the first to speak up, apparently the representative of the confused crowd.
> “Apples, apples, apples, apples!”
“You know I don’t speak applenese, Appleblossom.”
> " Sorry; hey Pinkie, Anon, where did all of this cake came from?"
> Curses! You can't tell them about the box, it's a very sensitive materializer of some sort.
> Not a very good one, considering you wanted Subway and it gave you a barrage of caked goods.
> You're sweating bullets here, not sure what to explain why you had dozens of cake hidden here in an ancient chest.
"Well, you see...uh..."
> Pinkie Pie saves you from entering a mental breakdown.
> "Anon was planning a party to thank everyone for helping him build his dream house, and he spent all~ night baking cake so that everyone can try some!"
> Applejack: "I don't remember Anon baking any-"
"AHAHAHHAHA Yeah, I've been working on them for a while, and I wanted you all to enjoy yourselves tonight, but I suppose it won't hurt to do it a bit early!"
> Cheers go all around, and your popularity with Ponyville jumped up a couple notches.
> You'll need to think about subway more, you could make a killer cake store to rival Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
-----
> "Hello there, Anon. I see you've adjusted well to Equestria, and even have your own home built now."
> Jesus H. Murphy, where does she come from?!
> Everypony bows down graciously as Princess Celestia takes up most of the doorway, hair flowing despite the lack of wind or other forces beyond her own badassery to move it.
> You follow the bow, and return the conversation at her nod.
"Indeed I have, I've learned that it's not always best to do all the work by yourself, and it's ok to ask for help from friends."
> Applejack: "Hehe, you bet your darn horn that's true! I had to learn that lesson a while back too!"
> Applejack, you're just a stubborn ass; you worked alone because you didn't really have friends to help out.
> Or so you thought.
> Looking around, you see all the ponies happily talking about, enjoying their cake and exclaiming how great the house looks and how cool it'll be in due time.
> Not able to hold back a grin, you make your way over to the Princess, who's standing there and simply observing the joyful scene.
"Hey, Princess Celestia, mind walking with me out in the front garden… lawn… thing?"
> "But, of course! I am here to see your progress here, after all."
> Both making your way into the living, you see half a dozen guards standing around, all of which are now blocking your exit.
> Looks like they remember your last encounter; you guess your first impression was quite remarkable.
> Guess laughing at them hysterically whilst half naked can do that.
> Princess Celestia, right behind you, gi!ves a gentle nod of her head, leaving the guards to relax and move themselves out of your way.
> You seriously need to teach your gnomes to do that.
-----
> Out in the yard, which is clearly a result of Rarity's creation, you and the Princess are now in what just could be the perfect confession scene.
> The numerous amounts of animes you’ve watched can be the only thing you blame for that thought.
> You coulddddd work your magic on her with that ol' silver tongue of yours, as the temptations run through your mind.
> Just imagine, King of Equestria! Ruler of all you can see.
> All the plot you could tap, plus Princess Celestia's....
> OHHHHHHHHH
> YEAHHHHHHH
> .gif
> You shake your head, for the heat must be getting to you, it's not even noon yet.
> In the sweat of the moment, you feel your lower member unsticking itself from the depths.
> Go away, boner, you’re a bad conversation piece.
> Boner: Lol, no~
> "What is it that you needed, Anon?"
> Standing off in the distance, leaves swaying past you as you try to let your thoughts collect form in your head.
"Well.. I need advice, here. This is still so sudden, and I feel so lost. I lost everything, and even now when I have almost everything I need... I still feel like I lack something."
> "Well, what do you think it is?"
> You think furiously, almost as intense as your sudden craving for Subway products.
> Scratching your arms out of the discomfort you’re putting yourself in, you shift the weight of your body onto your other leg.
> You have a house, and your living expenses are pretty much taken care of.
> You have friends and good company, and definitely ponies that care about you.
> What are you.. missing?
> You silently walk across the lawn, and kneel down to one of your numerous gnomes.
> “Anon…?”
> Picking it up, you feel somewhat complete as it gazes back silently, love coming out of it at full throttle.
"I think I'm lacking the love I'm used to. My parents, my.. sister? I think I have a sister... maybe a girlfriend, I don't know... I'm like a freakish orphan now, I lost all of those people."
> You feel a tear building up, ready to torrent down the dams and flood the rivers below.
> Stop it, don't you dare cry. You’ve been doing your best not to think too much about this, loneliness of not having people who care for you leaving welts on your heart. Having no one who cared for you like your mother and father did, you are lost, forcefully abandoned;
> Alone.
> One tear drops, with others welling up to follow. The pain of being so alone has become too much to bear, a seeping toxin you wished would just end you instead this slow agonizing pain.
> Damn it.
> Your mood is soon plummeting wildly like a cannonball into the ocean.
> Down, down it goes, flying down to the depths of the darkness below, never to return to the surface.
> You swear you're into the realm of emo-ness, when a voice penetrates the aura of depression you've conjured yourself.
> "Anon, stand up."
> You give a lasting sigh, knowing it'd be a bad idea to rub off royalty the wrong way.
> Setting the gnome back onto its territory, you stand up and begin to turn around-
> SHE'S ABOUT TO GORE YOU DODGE IT!
> Roll D20 dice!
> Get 19!
> Dodge successfully!
> You immediately jump out of the way, making an ass out of yourself as you face plant into the grass.
> "Anon, what is the meaning of this? I wasn't trying to hurt you."
> Rubbing your face of dirt, you stand up and turn around again to face the Princess.
> OH GOD NOT AGAIN!
> NO! HOLD YOUR POSITION, SPARTAN!
> You freeze, fear bracing you for whatever she has plans for you.
> Closing your eyes, you feel her getting ever so closer.
> Jesus, what kind of scene is this?
> ... Wait.
"Oh."
---¬--
> Her head on your shoulder, and her hoof around your waist, she holds you in a tight and endearing hug.
"Princess... Celestia..?"
> She remains firms in her deposition, not letting go.
> "Anon... know that while you may have lost your way to your family, there is always a person around you who loves and cherishes you being here. Don't ever, ever forget that."
> Losing what strength you've held in your heart, you let loose a couple more tears.
> If you haven't given up your "man card" by watching the tv show, you've certainly discarded it by crying your eyeballs out on the ruler of the world's shoulders;
> But it feels alright, knowing someone who understands your emotional pains.
> It feels good, man. It feels good.
> After sucking up whatever waterworks you've let fly, you separate yourself from her royalness, and realize you are filthy after hugging her so tightly.
"Ah, f- err, crap.. I'm sorry.. I just realized I should have washed myself more properly before talking to you."
> She scoffs at the thought, as if it's the most absurd logic in the world. How modest.
> "Anon, just because I have a horn and wings, and I happen to rule the pony world, does not mean I won't offer a shoulder willingly for someone in need. Even the greatest of ponies can reach the lowest of times. Even myself..."
> She looks off in the distance, as if there's a story just waiting to happen if you press the right timed reaction button here.
> You don't push it.
"Princess Celestia, thank you, you've helped me beyond anyone here. However, there is one last thing I request of you."
> Back in seriously royal mode, she looks down at you like a doting father. Or mother, but really she gives a motherly father feeling.
> "Yes, Anon. If there's anything I can give assistance to, let me know, what is it?"
> You've been thinking about it for a while, and you believe you might be able to work things out... if you get the right materials.
"Do you know if the blacksmith makes steel in Canterlot, the same material you use for the guard's armor?"
> "Well, err.. we have steel, yes, but we hardly use it for anything beyond decoration, why do you ask?"
"I am thinking of reinforcing my house, and if you can get me some enough sheet, then I can..."
-----
> After a few minutes of ideas, Princess Celestia gives an enlightened nod, amused at the ideas given to her.
> "Very well, Anon. I will talk to Smithy Nails; I think he can arrange something that will be to your liking. I shall have it delivered to your house as soon as it's possible."
> You pull out a list you've had written before, complete with sketches of random objects and numbers.
> Her eyes are literally popping out at the fact you've been holding this on you for almost a week, like the password to a CIA secret base entrance.
> "Is this...?"
"It's a diagram for the materials I'm requesting. If they're not perfect, it's fine, but the closer he can get to this, the better."
> "I... I see. Alright, then I'll be on my way then, I shall put this at as my top priority, farewell!"
> The guards floor it out of the house as if on cue, and a chariot materializes from behind a tree.
> That still impresses you, every single time.
> Mounting it, she gives one last nod and is chauffeured back to the magical land of Canterlot.
> The ponies inside, slowly coming out of their cake induced coma, notice just in time to see her leave, all of them waving their goodbyes audibly.
> Returning back to work, you too get back into the habit of making sure everything is perfect.
> Your stomach still rumbling, you promise you'll eat something more substantially fulfilling than cake once you finish up.
----
> A few hours later, everything is in the realm of near perfection, and whatever work was to be done has finally been completed.
> Giving your thanks to the ponies as they leave, you stand outside your house, admiring the audacity of its beauty.
> Pinkie Pie, content with the work she's put into this place, hops up to you cheerfully, followed promptly by Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash, as well as the devilish trip known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Hey guys, how's it goi-OOF"
> FUMBLE!
> FIRST DOWN!
> Pinkie blatantly tackles you to the ground as the pony squadron surrounds you, looking like it's about to turn into a gang beating.
> Not the face, anything BUT THE FACE!
> YOU NEED IT TO STAY BEAUTIFUL!
> Pinkie Pie: "Now what's with that entire attitude earlier about 'having no family'?!"
"Wait, you heard that? How the hell can you hear that good?"
> "Well, duh, I'm Pinkie Pie! Sounds waves can reach me a mile away if you're not having fun!"
"That doesn't even make sense!"
> Rarity: "Oh darling, if you asking for sense from Pinkie Pie, you're just simply barking up the wrong tree. The point is, sweetheart, while you may not have your family with you, always know that you have us, and we'll be doing our best to show that we care for you JUST as much."
> Monologue with a beautiful heart completed.
> You can almost hear the theme song start to play.
> Sweetie Belle: "Sissie's right! You're just as much a big brother than what I could ever wish for!"
> Applebloom: "You might not be as cool as Big Mac, but you can be a close second!"
> Scootaloo: "Well, uh... I don't have any siblings, and I think it'd be cool, if, y'know... having one, if that's alright with you..."
> D’AWWWW.
> D’AWWWWWWWWWW!
> You're definitely going to adopt her, you just know it.
> You promise yourself to take her out for ice cream one day, and you can't help but smile.
> Applejack: "See there? I saw ya as part of the family ever since you came under our home. We all can be family of sorts!"
> Rainbow Dash: "Yeah! Just you WAIT! We're gonna be doing all sorts of cool stuff and-"
> The MLP Theme Song cuts short as the mood drastically changes;
> The ground itself starts to quake, as you turn to see your home wiggling around.
> Not the house!
> SCREW MY FACE, Not THE HOUSE!
-----
> The ground shakes as if a titan is ballet dancing around in the Evergreen Forest.
> Jesus, there appears to be a titan ballet dancing in the direction of the Evergreen Forest.
> Where in the Gerudo Desert did that fog come from, it's appears to be emitted by it.
> You're being serious, it's too far off to see whatever the goliath it is, but it's coming your way!
"Girls, we need to relocate ourselves, something is about to meet us, and it doesn't look good."
> You look around, and you see the empty field past your house. Looks perfect, for a foreshadowed epic battle.
> Lol, that's not foreshadowing at all!
> Or epic!
> Did you say battle?
> Everypony joins you in your wild sprint run for your life, and it appears the creature has it's lock-on features dead set on you.
> After you and the gang make it to the Field of Ominous Foreboding, Rainbow Dash decides to be the hero of the minute.
> "Alright, I'mma go and show that thing who's boss!"
"Rainbow, no!"
> She flies off in a dash (lol) and rockets off to the unknown being, still plowing through the trees.
> You see her doing a few circles around it before she promptly returns towards you, eyes popping out of her head.
> "OMG WTF IS THAT THING?!"
> Rarity: "What is that brute, Rainbow?"
> "It's like a, a... a-"
> The gigantic silhouette launches itself out of the forest in a single bound, a leap almost as impressive as yours.
> Ok, time to stop admiring; it's about to land RIGHT ON YA!
> You hear that cartoon whistling nice when something of considerable mass is about to land.
"GUYS, SCATTER!"
> You all flee for your lives as the huge creature crashes into the ground, the shockwave sending us sprawling in different directions.
> Rolling with the ground to land back on your feet, you turn around to see the bipedal being before you.
> And your jaw just dislocates from your mouth, hitting the ground.
> WHAT
> THE
> FUCK IS GOING ON HERE.
-----
> The rising glory that is Neo Sweden's ultimate machine.
> The perfect complexion of a robotic Sailor Moon.
> It's metal hair;
> Dat metal ass!
> Behold the might that is the luscious model GF13-050NSW!
> The Noble Gundam, armed to the teeth and ready to fight in its finest beauty.
> A voice is projected from its speakers as it pulls out an energy powered whip:
> "Hey, uhm, Anon, what looks bewildered and is about to get ripped from your body?"
> Oh God, are you freaking kidding me?
"Oh, I don't know, Fluttershy... my face?"
> The Noble Gundam brutally swings its arm up and lash the whip flying down.
> "YOUR SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUULLLLLLL!"
> OH LAWDY LAWDY, EJECT, EJECT!
> You perform a flying leap of badassery, barely dodging the weapon as it destroys a straight line to your path, sending more ponies into the air.
> This doesn't even make sense, and you decide to point this out to whoever can hear.
"THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE!"
> "Oh come now, since when was I ever the one to be making sense?"
> What.
> WHAT.
> The whip retracting back into the vicinity of her hand, you and the pony gang group out to see the might of the female Gundam pose a bit, and you can hear the two different laughters coming from within fusing together.
> You know that second voice anywhere, his seductive dulcet tones with the ever elusive tongue, his tastes in speech finer than horseradish on a medium-rare steak, complete with garnish of such impeccable quality.
"DISCORD, SHOW YOURSELF!"
> As if compelled to obey, the mighty former King of Disharmony himself appeared as some greater being; a ghostly shell of himself, he appears from behind the machine.
> Moving around like Psycho Mantis, he's puppeteering the Gundam with strings, as it starts pulling off impressive dance moves.
> "Poor, pooooor Fluttershy here was in such distraught, what agony and confliction! She didn't know what she could possibly do and, with enough persuasion, permitted me to channel a little of my spirit from my resting place through her, in which I gave her… a little mental coaching! Oh, did you see the toy I gave her?"
-----
> Fluttershy's voice booms through the speakers as the whip crackles into the air again.
> "YOU'RE
> GOING
> TO DIEEEEEEE!"
"What, love's out of the picture now?"
> The whip stops midair.
> "W-w-w-w-wuh...? W-will… you love me?"
> Discord, resting his elbow on the Noble Gundam's shoulder, raises an eyebrow and grins at you.
> It’s obvious every single pony here knows the answer to that one.
> "Well, uh.. can't we talk things out?"
> DODGE-DODGE-DODGE!
> Ponies fly about for a third time, the ground quaking as the whip shreds forth, an elongated club destroying anything in its path.
> Landing on your back this time, you take a bit longer to get back to your feet. Realizing how many ponies are in danger, fillies included, you decide to take the initiative on doing this alone.
"You guys need to get out of here, I'll take care of this!"
> "But-"
"But nothing, Applejack! I know what to do, I think, but I need to make sure you guys are safe!"
> They all look at each other, uncertain if this is the right decision to make.
> Glancing at you and seeing your inspiring firm deposition, they (with a pinch of cliché) all give a nod and make their way to Ponyville.
> Rainbow Dash flies up to you, and puts a hoof on your shoulder, her face solemn.
> She looks so cute when she’s serious.
> "I'll get the Princess as soon as I can."
"The Princess can't beat Discord as he is, and he has one of the Elements of Harmony in his possession now. There's only one way to beat him in his own game of crossovers. Now GO!"
> Looking back at the fleeing ponies, Rainbow Dash gives you one last surveying glimpse.
> “I swear, I’ll protect you next time, mark my words.”
> She flies closer, and before you can react, she leaves a small kiss on your cheek.
“Dash..”   
> She gives a flustered look, clearly embarrassed.
> “It’s for, uh, good luck! Don’t be getting any ideas, now!”
> With that, she joins the rest of them as all take off to town.
> You turn around to face the deadly duo, who’s been patiently awaiting this touching scene to end.
> However, it appears that the “kiss of good luck” from Rainbow Dash has sent you in a blush;
> And Fluttershy into a rage like no other.
> Fluttershy: “GRAAAAAAAUGH!”
> Discord: “You see that, Fluttershy? He has other ponies there to replace you, and toss you aside.”
“That’s not the case! I just, uh..”
> Discord: “Uh, is right! Admit it! You don’t care for her a bit, despite all she’s done for you!”
> They do make an interesting pair, you gotta admit; the sensitive crazy mare with the cruel and manipulative buttmuncher.
> Not that you would dare let anypony do a shipping of the two.
> Or anypony with Fluttershy for that matter.
> That crazy nutjob is YOURS.
-----
> Discord's spirit continues to make the dishonored Gundam pose in a fairly awkward fashion, as he shoots looks of bemusement and wonder at you.
> Discord: "Well, well, well. Anon, was it? I am most INTERESTED in you out of anypony I've met in my days here, and I must admit that is a LOT of days! You're a confliction in yourself with this world, an imbalance! The oddball of the bunch! Quite simply put, I ADORE your presence alone! Yet, despite your oddities, you have this sweet, kind girl pining for you, and you treat her like the dirt under your hooves."
> You give a look of disdain at the hulking robot, flexing in ways Sailor Moon herself could never hope to achieve.
“Feet.”    
> “Pardon?”
“I’m human, we have feet.”
> “Human, pony, what is the difference here?”
> Ignoring his remark, you prepare your offensive.
"You may have the advantage in surprise and persuasion here, but if you can do it, so can I!"
> You proudly raise your arm to the air, a Freddy Mercury pose in order.
> You pray to the gods once more that your imagination works in your favor, as your voice echoes around the world.
> Sorry, Domon. You're going to have to borrow “it” for a moment.
"RISE, GOD GUNDAM!"
> You snap your fingers dramatically, thanking the greater powers you could do this without looking like an idiot.
> Nothing.
> ...
> Never mind then, you look like an idiot.
-----
> Far away at your house, one of your gnomes gives a wiggle.
> It wiggles around a bit more, life stirring into them.
> Well, goodness, now it’s spinning.
> It appears to be 70s again, spin it baby!
> Soon another joins its motion, and within seconds all of them are gyrating like disco fever is an epidemic.
> Electricity start sparking from them, and the shocks begin to gather.
> A ball of electricity builds, and soon it's a mass of energy collaborating into the sky.
> The giant sphere transforms into a beam, piercing the heavens, parting the clouds in the intense glory as it arcs.
-----
> Back over at the awkward scene of silence, you, Discord, and an enraged Fluttershy are staring at each other down in a moment of Zen.
> Your hand is still in the air. It must stay there until something happens- it's the rules, as declared by Neil Patrick Harris.
> Fluttershy: "Aww, boo hoo hoo, looks like this won't be as fun as I thought!"
> Lol, nope.
> What appears to be a mini spirit bomb consumes the air from the skies above, descending back to Equestria.
> Discord, raising an eyebrow at the chaotic mass, gives a devious smirk.
> “Oh ho?”
“Oh ho is right, you ugly mistake of creation!” you shout back, the conglomeration of energy crashing into the ground behind you.
> You don't move anything but your hand as you lower it down, dust and dirt flying around you.
> A hole now in your close proximity, a light shines from below as the greatest masterpiece Neo Japan has to offer rises from its ashes, mechanical hands grasping the edge.
> Pulling itself from out of the personally made hole, it lands smoothly over you.
> You cross your arms just as your Gundam does.
> The God Gundam HAS ARRIVED!
> QUEUE THE EPIC BATTLE MUSIC!
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQgXvmtI_ug
> HOOOWAAAAA!
-----
> Well! You're suddenly naked, this is embarrassing.
> They never did explain this in the anime, but it's worth going with the flow, as a circular machine rotates around you, wrapping your body with a synthetic material.
> Attaching sensors on your shoulders, you spark up electricity around you, as the God Gundam strikes fist pumps and leg kicks into the air, finishing off with a pose of pure badassery.
> TIME TO KICK ROBOT PLOT!
"Discord, Fluttershy! Whatever you had planned for me, it's over now!"
> Fluttershy and the Noble Gundam strike their own pose of hip thrusting, as Discord dissipates into the machine.
> Discord: "Now that wouldn't be fun at all, now would it? Fluttershy, you might want to hold on, I'm going to activate a little something here."
> Flutter: “AWWRAUGH!”
> Wait, this is the Noble Gundam, is he...?
> OH APPLE SACKS!
"W-wait, Fluttershy, just think about it, this is too danger-"
> BERSERKER MODE ACTIVATED
> Nobel Gundam's hair spreads and parts transform as the previously dangerous Fluttershy is forcefully turned into an absolute killing machine, her mind set on one thing.
> It's not bananas;
> It's not rabbit food;
> Oh yeah-
> She's got her eyes on you, baby.
> And she's not lookin' away~!
-----
> You pull out your beam sword from your waist, ready to split the world if you have to.
> Although you'd prefer this place not in halves.
> Or thirds for that matter…
> Quarters might be out of the option too.
> Fluttershy: "AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH, DIE!"
> She ferociously charges at you, the whip flying about like scythes of death.
> You manage to deflect the vicious whip strike with your beam sword just in time, but you lose your chance to brace yourself as she tackles you head on, crashing you both into the chasm behind you.
> She oh so tenderly begins to headbutt you, pummeling the Gundam's head into the dirt.
> You flip her over your head, sending her sailing into a wall as you relocate yourself out of this pathetic hole.
> You have issues with Fluttershy and dark shafts at the moment, and you'd rather not be played into your fears.
> She's close behind you, however; apparently she’s quick to recover, as she turns airborne above you.
> Discord: "What's the matter, afraid of the dark? You have soooo much more to worry about, especially the new contraption I've installed!"
> Holes open up from all around Noble Gundam's shoulderpads, as tentacles defiantly fire out in random directions.
> Great Princess Celestia, robot tentacle rape?!
> You attempt to parry the many flailing limbs launched at you with your sword, but you prove no match as the black appendages grab you, immobilizing you on the spot.
> Landing on the ground, Fluttershy lifts you into the air before sending you crashing back into the dirt.
"AUUUUGHH!"
> Warning screens pop up at an insane rate, the God Gundam taking critical damage.
> Fluttershy: "What's the matter, are you done already? All that talk earlier, and now look at you! Now it is time to DIE and be mine FOREVER!"
> Discord: "Yes, Fluttershy, YES! Rip his arms off, and rip HIM! AHAHAHHA!"
> The tentacles begin tensing up, the stress of the pressure becoming too much to bear for your fighter machine as you slowly get ready to turn quadriplegic.
> The pain of gundam’s destruction is afflicting on to you, as your yells permeate the colossus.
> Think, THINK! What caused Domon to beat this thing before?!
> Flashbacks of the King of Hearts trying to reach out to the Noble Gundam dart through your mind.
"Fluttershy, I LOVE YOU!"
-----
> Looks like that did the trick, as Fluttershy snapped back to normal for a split second and the tentacles took a smoke break from tearing you apart.
> "W-w-what did you say? You don't mean.. but do you? O-oh Anon... I..."
> Discord: "Fluttershy, he's just lying like he always has, he doesn't care about you at all!"
> Ok, now you're miffed; your jimmies has been stirred for the last time.
> As you land back on the ground, your other arm resists the tentacles and pulls out the other beam sword.
"Erupting BURNING SLASH!"
> Your beam swords shine a brilliant glow as your overpowered swings decimate the tentacles attached to you, shattering the bonds that imprisoned you.
> Like that door of your previous room, your chains have been relinquished, and you-
> ARE
> FREE!
> Dropping your swords, you take no moment to rest as you fly forward to the confused Fluttershy and enraged Discord, your right arm extended.
> Before either could react, your hand has sealed her fate around her head, dirt and energy encircling you both.
"Fluttershy... know I have always liked you... but once again you've taken the wrong path to prove it so!"
> "B-but... I wanted to prove to you like I always do..!"
> Discord: "Oh Anon, do you really think you can do what it takes to defeat us? Watch this fancy trick!"
> Tentacles fire once more out of Nobel Gundam, holding you once more in place.
“You think this will stop me again?!”
> Discord: "What valor! I hope you enjoy what I call..."
> "Corrupted BURNING FINGER!"
> What is this flabbergasting nonsense! Allenby, the original Noble Gundam’s fighter, used that only ONCE, and that was when she teams up with Domon.
> And he freaking corrupts it? Is that not too cliché for a villain?
> Well, this IS a Gundam fight in a MLP story; you suppose it's just begging to be full of clichés.
> Very well, your turn then.
"DISCORD! This hoof of mine glows with an awesome power! Its loud roar tells me to save her, and defeat YOU! Take this! HER love! MY anger! And all of OUR sorrow! Erupting... burning... FINGER!"
> You swing your other hand forward, just in time to meet his.
> Both your and his hands collide in a force strong enough to destroy the foundations of space itself, and the grass is blown away from around you in a fiery blaze.
> You take a look of utter sadness at where your house once stood, only to see it quite intact, a force field somehow surrounding the entire vicinity.
> There are FLYING gnomes rotating around the entire area.
> You love your gnomes; they'll always have your back.
> And your house.      
-----
> Discord: "Well, well! It looks like we just may be equally matched! Even if I can't put up berserker mode with Fluttershy crying her eyes out in here, it'll be more than enough to defeat you!"
"You dumb twit, if she isn't interested in killing me, why are you still here? What in Billy May’s Oxy-Clean is the point then in defeating me, anyways?!"
> "It's chaos, it's destruction! AND I BLOODY LOVE IT!"
> The energy is starting to overbear the shield the gnomes projected; at any time Ponyville could be cleared off the map.
"This attack is for Fluttershy! You won't ever defeat me Discord, not as long as my heart stands firm!"
> Incoming more cliché attacks
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a9LqVu_tDI
> Energy centralizes from both your hands, as your wing spread apart and your chest seal opens, revealing the beam cannon.
> It's sapping out power from the Nobel Gundam as well; it appears your words reached out for her.
> Discord: "LOLWAT?"
"HERE I GO, THE SCHOOL OF THE UNDEFEATED EAST! THIS HAND OF MINE IS BURNING RED! IT'S LOUD ROAR NOW TELLS ME TO GRASP VICTORY- AND, AS OF NOW, FLUTTERSHY AND I FIGHT TOGETHER!"
> Discord: "LOLNOPE!"
> He attempts to surge hand through yours but yo no avail, and with an obvious ultimate attack on your side, you already know you've won.
> Adrenaline is going through you like a nuclear powered super train,
> ON STEROIDS!
"BURNING FINGER COMBINED WITH.... SEKIHAAAA TENKYOKEN!!!"
> Epic meter attempting to analyze levels of epicness…
> ERROR ERROR ERROR!
> CAPS LOCK ENGAGED!
> The energy is released in a ball of fury, as you release your hand from its head, take the energy, and redirect it at the top of the machine, watching each atom of it vaporize.
> You swear you see a faded image of Celestia headbutting Discord as he fades away in the light, yelling at the agony of defeat.
> Everything turns white…
> And that's how that went.
----
> Scraps of metal still flying down from above, God Gundam collapses on a knee, it's duty finished, and you jump out in a leap towards the smashed Nobel Gundam, her days numbered and the head now in Gundam heaven.
> Your Gundams' hands still connected, you run the length down to the other side of the wrecked machine.
> The cockpit open in emergency mode, you rush in and pull out a bloodied suit and mangled Fluttershy, who's unconscious but breathing.
> Perhaps that attack was a bit much for her; I'd hate to be on the blunt end of that move.
> It was pretty awesome though!
> If you had to die, that'd be the way to go.
> You land on the ground with Fluttershy in your arms, tears streaming from your face as blood begins running down your forehead, fogging your sight.
> You just fatally wounded your favorite pony after she was under the control of a comical villain,
> And now she's dying in your arms.
> You hear her barely breathing, and with her own tears subconsciously flowing, she gives a weakened whimper.
> You hold her close, not letting her go as you feel her life slip away from your grasp.
"No.... NO! Don't you dare take her yet, DEATH!"
> Death, who was apparently smoking a cigarette while leaning on your gundam, looks at his watch.
> "Looks like you got about like five minutes there, kid. I'm in a hurry here anyhow."
> You think of some sort of solution, what do you have that can save her...
> Your mind clicks, as if the sudden solution was there all along.
> The kiss of love!
> Wait, no. Tempting! But no.
> THE BOX OF WONDERS, YES!
> You gotta love random objects that defy logic which turns the tide of a bad ending.
> You look towards your house; judging the distance, it’s at least a mile away.
> You have five minutes to stop fate from claiming your pony.
> Booking once more in your ragged skintight suit, Death starts choking midpuff.
> "What the FUCK, kid! Come back here!"
-----
> Launching yourself across rifts of destroyed terrain, you make your way back home, with the angry apparition of demise hot on your heel.
"Gnomes, DISTRACT HIM!"
> Gnomes: “Y??????e??????s???????,??????????? ????????????????m?????????????y???????????????????? ????????????????l????????????ó????????r???????????????d?????????????!?????????????????”
> Gnomes go flying past you like the Strike Witches 401th Squadron, clashing into the dark cloaked figure and sending him flailing into the ground.
> Yeah, he's not gonna like that a bit, as he returns to the air and start slashing away at the little cons with his scythe.
> "FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOU!"
> They're dodging quite admirably as you continue your trek, seconds ticking and Flutter's heart beating slower and slower.
> Your lungs are ready to collapse and your legs failing in the last stretch, you trip over another dreadful rock, crashing both yourself, Fluttershy, and your hopes of pulling this miracle off.
> Staggering back up, you try limping the last fifth of a mile with barely a little over a minute left;
> You're not going to make it.
> Your tears are freely flying now, and your heart is almost ready to join the pegasus's you're holding so dearly in your arms.
> Death has finally snapped out of his distraction and is very quickly closing the gap, his weapon of choice ready to take the both of you out.
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!"
-----
> You hear a deep gallop coming up behind you, as if your savior has arisen to save you from eternal damnation, in pony form.
> Scratch that, stallion form, as you're lifted off the ground and landing on the back-
> Of the most awesome colt you've ever been in contact with, his blazing red fur rippling as he shoots for the house.
> Looks like he finally woke up.
"My God, I love you Big Mac!"
> "Eeyup!"
"Do you know what we have to do?"
> "Eenope!"
"Just get me to the house; I need to grab something to save Fluttershy!"
> "Eeyup!"
> Works for you, as you rocket the last gap within seconds, putting the distance between you and death once more.
> Screaming to a halt at your doorway, you fly off Big Mac's back and clear through the living room, trying to give focus on a single thought:
> Please, something that can save this raving crazy pony.
> Bursting through the door to your bedroom, you quickly lay down the limp pony on your bed and give the chest the most ominous stare, a thrust of your arm as you strike a pose worthy of Phoenix Wright.
> OBJECTION!
"BY ORDER OF THE GREAT CELESTIA, SAVE THIS PONY!"
> Lightning dramatically shoots out of cache of wonders, sparks flying through the cracks like an awoken demon from a unholy thundercloud. The latch swinging unlock, the lid itself obediently opens and you swing your head in, to find...
> Nothing.
-----
> This is it, back to square one. Time to apologize to Death as he shimmers through a wall to rape the both of you with his curved blade.
> You apologize to the ponies you didn't thank yet, to the things you didn't quite finish; to the gnomes you didn't really give the attention they should have been given.
> "Alright, you stiff motherfucker, I'll let this slide because I think the whole 'dying in your bed' idea is a classic, and I find it cute. You got thirty more seconds for her soul to be mine, and it looks like you have a good while before you're next. Any last words for her?"
> You give the chest one last look in desperation, and you realize that, in your panic, you skipped over a little object chilling in the corner.
> Scraping it out in your hand, you find what appears to be an oddly colored bean.
> Was this in here before? Maybe a bean flavored cake?
> Wait, lightning and audible drama came out from this chest before. SOMETHING must have materialized, this must be it!
> But... what is it?
> Your mind implodes as you reflect the time you wasted an entire summer watching random episodes of Dragon Ball Z;
> This sacred object is a senzu bean.
-----
> The deus ex machina of deus ex machinas;
> The cheapest way to save someone on the point of death from croaking.
> Works just peachy for you, as you run to Fluttershy, clamp open her mouth, pop it in, grind her teeth a bit, and ensure with a little throat massage she swallows the vile thing.
> Death is, quite frankly, confused. You just force fed a pretty dead pony a vitamin.
> "Hey, uh, kid... I don't think having her eat vitamin C pills is gonna help her achieve everlasting peace in the afterlife. Ah well, time to do the deed.. wait, the fuck?"
> Within seconds, the effects are instantaneous, Fluttershy coming to and her wounds cleaning themselves up.
> "What the flying fuck is this shit, are you fucking kidding me? You feed this bitch a fucking bean, and she's saved from the fucking throes of fate?"
"I know, right? They tacked on an extra hundred episodes for an anime using that thing, I shit you not!"
> "I don't give a fuck! This is bullshit, man, bullshit! Whatever, I'm outta here!"
> He flies out the same wall he flew in, and with that awkward conversation, Fluttershy promptly avoided Death.
> Almost fully healed, she looks up to you with sparkling tears in her eyes.
> Perhaps with this plot twist, she’ll reform, and you can build a relationship of forever lasting endurance.
> "Oh Anon, you saved me... how can I everrrr repay you? Maybe we can…?"
> You slap your dirty face. It appears this isn’t going to happen, just yet.
> THE END