> Picture this, if you could:
> Friday afternoon, in the outskirts of Ponyville; six mares, a young dragon, and a miserable human.
> It would have been seven ponies, but Nayru FORBID the insufferable Great and Powerful Trixie opts out having to cast herself in the vicinity of such pathetic creatures; her words, not yours.
> Giant quilt, supposedly stitched together by the infamous night nurse known as Fluttershy, where they all rest on top of  it as they sit about and chat of their thrilling daily lives.
> Except you. Oh, you blatantly refuse to sit next to all these confounded mares, resorting instead to climbing the tree above and enjoying the passing breeze.
> This, of course, bewilders Twilight Sparkle, and gives Applejack and this blue pegasus you haven’t been introduced to yet a chuckle.
> Pinkie Pie is taking this as a form of dejection and somehow teleports up there adjacent to you, attempting to “cheer you up”. Needless to say you’re quite content already.
> You ignore what blathering and scoundrous comments that Rarity has to make in regards to you being anti-social and all that jazz, tuning out from her bit of the conversations as much as Pinkie’s attempts to re-befriend you.
> Spike, of course, is being Spike; it’s to your disgust, however, that he seems particularly interested in that blob of marshmallow that you call a mare.
> Pinkie: “Hey Anon!”
Hey.
> She’s hanging from a branch now; again you’re not amused with this logical impossibility with the lacking of thumbs.
> Pinkie: “What’s your favorite color?”
Violet.
> You say that just to get kicks and snickers out of the group below.
> Pinkie: “Uh-huh… what’s your favorite thing to do?”
Magic and masturbation.
> Twi: “Anon! We don’t need to hear that!”
What, she asked!
> Pinkie: “What’s your favorite food?
I like to eat Twilight’s-
> Twi: “SALADS! He likes. To eat. Twilight’s salads.”
> You could feel the loathing pungent through the tree in some sort of warning sign. It’s illegal to be a sexual pervert, apparently.
> Pinkie: “Anon~! You’re being boring, do something funny!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dZkSQE62GI&feature=related&noredirect=1
> You destroy a planet with your mind, forcing it to implode into a mass of nuclear fission collapsing onto itself into a singularity of chaos; this, of course, is unnoticed by Pinkie, and therefore thinks your joke is lying back against the tree trunk.
> Pinkie: “Aww, c’mon, Anon, let’s play a game!”
What kind of game?
> She’s taken back, surprised at your sudden acceptance to partake in any sort of amusement; stumbling for words, you give a reasonable offer.
How about hide-and-seek?
> Pinkie: “Hehe, ok! I’ll count to ten and you’ll-“
> Teleportation is such a beautiful thing, you know? There’s approximately twenty trees in the general area, and you decided to make your way to the farthest one; still in earshot, you enjoy Pinkie’s face sticking out of the first tree as she looks about for your location.
> For whatever reason this excites Applejack and the rainbow warrior (for lack of a better name), and they join into the fray.
> Twilight, who is perhaps the slightest bits of envious, joins in the group as Fluttershy and Rarity take the backseats of the scenario.
> Applejack: “I’mma find ya, sugarcube~! You betta have a prize for me waitin’ if I win!”
> That’s not suggestive at all.
> Twilight: “The pony that catches Anon gets to decide what spell he casts!”
> Oh come on! If you argue they’ll hear you, only to speed up this process of elimination.
> Pinkie Pie: “I love prizes~!”
> The Rainbow Warrior: “This is gonna be cake! I’ll find him, ten seconds flat!”
> She almost did, too; she launched right into your tree just as you teleported into a different one, on the opposite side of the area.
> Low Mystical Spell, Astral Projection: Body Style.
> You appear as a squatting vision of yourself behind Twilight, blowing a raspberry at her.
> Twi: “Aha, got-! You… c’mon Anon, that’s not fair!”
Never said life was fair, sweetheart.
> You end the spell to hold on for dear life as Applejack gives one of her signature hoof kicks to the tree, shaking it like it’s defending against a beat down from Frank Jaeger’s sword of awesomeness.
> Having survived the throes of such brute force, you sneak a peek through the leave to see her charming face.
Heya there, apple pumpkin.
> Tree number three! You watch with glee as Applejack actually attempts to climb the previous wooden pillar of nature’s might in some sort of scheme of snaring you.
> Applejack: “C’mere, you little rascal you! I got some funky magic spell in mind for you to show me!”
> You poker face as she somehow launches herself into the branches and begins a smackdown in some sort of pony sense in her wrath of catching you.
> It’s quite flattering to see her be so enthusiastic from over here, as you continue the evil thrill of teleporting about.
> You love being a wizard.
-----
> It took another ten minutes before Pinkie Pie gave up in some sort of depressive surrender, and Twilight to give threatening gestures of magic before you were actually caught.
> In a surprise move, a fucking herd of squirrels play as spies for Fluttershy, who sneaks up behind you and grapples around your neck, leading you to your demise with gravity and falling out of the tree in question.
SONUVABITCH!
> Twilight witnesses the scene and catches the two of you just in time with a thing of magic, lessening the blow physically, but putting the humiliation at an all-time high.
> As they surround you, Fluttershy still hanging on your back for some reason, you give up before they hurt ya.
Alright, alright, looks like I lost.
> Fluttershy: “Teehee, sorry.”
> Twi: “Looks like Fluttershy wins! She gets to pick the spell Anon uses~!”
> They all cheer and tap their hooves into the grass in some sort of attempt to clap, and Fluttershy finally lets go for you to gather your pose.
Fine, then. What will it be? I can do plenty of parlor tricks for your amusement!
> The Rainbow Warrior: “Uh oh, we have another Trixie over here!”
> Twi: “Hey, he’s a really awesome wizard, Rainbow Dash! He doesn’t usually brag though; isn’t that right, love?”
> … What to do, what to do. At least you know the mysterious pegasus’s name that was keen on trying to obliterate you with the tree, but the real question is-
> How shall you respond?
> You let seconds tick as you politely stare in silence at Twilight, who is sheepishly grinning at you and the group, awaiting some sort of reply.
> She’s about to enter full breakdown mode as you uphold the poker face until you decide to break the ice.
Yeah, I try not to flaunt my stuff off, unless it’s for my beloved Twilight Sparkle of course.
> The words slothed out of your mouth in such a corny fashion, making the mares laugh and giggle at Twilight’s sudden blush of embarrassment, leaving you with your own timid grin to show.
> Twi: “Hehe, yeah…”
> Applejack: “Well, no sense in wastin’ a hard earned victory, Fluttershy!”
> She fucking cheated, though! Granted, so were you, but still!
> It’s the principle that counts!
> Fluttershy: “Well, I…!”
> Twi: “Just say the one we all agreed on having him do!”
Wait, what?
> Pinkie Pie: “I wanna see him as a stallion too~!”
> ANOTHER SET-UP!
> You eyeball a whistling Twilight with a decade of unheard fury, flames of seething rage from the crevices of your mind.
> Well hidden behind a firm thin line that is your lips, of course.
> Fluttershy: “I, uhm… if it’s alright with you, I mean… pony… be one?”
> She may have pulled off the cutest sentence fragment ever, but you still feel betrayed by this turn of events; is this attonement for agreeing to such a foul scheme? When did they ever plan this, YOU were the one who made the game!
It appears that there is some sort of consensus that the mares, Twilight included, wishes to see what I’d look like as a unicorn.
> Spike: “H’oh, yeah!”
> Even him?!
Alright, you won, so let’s see what I can do.
> As you work the spell, Twilight has a paper and quill at the ready; is she going to draw you, or write a letter to the Princess?!
-----
> What was a couple seconds for you and the others was likely an eternity of waiting for Twilight; having been waiting for this exact moment, she’s been plotting for a chance like this to occur.
> Without you realizing it in the end, this is what the whole “date” was set out for; after teasing you with her human form, you’re about to return the favor-
> And return it you did, becoming the tallest unicorn that Equestria has likely seen.
> Oh, c’mon now; you’re a human, and you enjoy the physical prospect of being tall! At the very least, you’re probably still a few inches taller than Celestia.
> Opting for a grayish tone of fur and a silken dark brown mane that flows longer than you preferred, you (yet again) dwarf the six and Spike in both size and amazement.
> Also, you decided to let Mother Nature take care of proportions of a pony’s genitalia; by that you mean that you’re absurdly hung, not that it means anything.
> Fuck, you’d pass as an Alicorn like the Princesses if you sprouted some wings, but you figure that it would be a tad too far.
> As for a cutie mark? Well… you like magic. You read the novels of many regarding such as a child, and although you would be sued out of your pants and first born if you pulled it off back home, here in Equestria it’s just another symbol of nostalgia:
> http://origin.kaboodle.com/hi/img/c/0/0/153/b/AAAADKvgUAoAAAAAAVO0Yw.jpg?v=1305011238000
> Leaving the rest of the details to imagination, you stand there with a professional poker face as the mares (Spike lost interest already and is turning his focus on anogling Rarity) eyefuck you for every single detail you represent.
> Twi: “I, uh… wow. Huh. Hm…”
> It appears this was the general consent of the group, and you debate between scoffing and laughing.
What, am I suddenly irresistible for you mares now?
> Rarity: “Buh, guyah! Of course n-“
> Appledash: “You’re darn tootin’, pardner!”
> Pinkie: “You’re so BIG now!” (You’re don’t know what she’s referring to, to be honest)
> Fluttershy: “http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3cRWJcZjW4”
> Rainbow: “Ehhh, it needs to be about 20% cooler!”
> Twi: “…”
> Twilight literally begins foaming in the mouth, having some sort of sexually aroused form of pony rabies, and begins rolling around in the grass.
-----
> After bestowing a full minute to watching Twilight commit unspeakable acts of utmost absurdity and letting them admire you for some reason, you finally get tired of your supposed marefriend embarrassing herself.
> Oh! Unicorn! You’re one! You lift her up with the standard magic and carry her back to the group, in which a thick cloud of awkwardness comes hurdling down.
> You kind of wish Excalibur, who is making a full case showing at the moment, would hide in a hole or something; having given a sight for them to make quiet observations on, it appears he’s thrilled with the attention.
> Fucking penis with alternate personalities embedded in them.
> Tucking Twilight back in her place, you sit down and look at her somewhat scornfully.
Are you done with that, Twi?
> Feels weird to talk with this type of face; the lack of full frontal sight coverage is a bit unnerving.
> Twi: “Uh, hehehehe, yeah, sorry…”
> She gives a satisfactory grin of discomfiture, her ears dropping and eyebrows furling.
> Applejack: “Shucks, I can’t blame her! If I had a special somep0ny that was THAT large, I’d be acting a bit crazy too!”
What, did I make myself too tall?
> Rainbow Dash: “Nyehehaha!”
> Rarity: “What a brute.”
> Pinkie: “Oh c’mon, Rarity, he just did what Fluttershy asked him to! It’s not like he can change who he is!”
> The irony of her own words blows over Pinkie’s head entirely.
> Fluttershy, who’s done little more than mutter two words and blush into a fiery passion of pink, is the farthest from you; for whatever reason it appears that if she gets too close you’ll bite her.
> Or perhaps it’s the other way around?
Can I change back now? I have a terrible itch in the crotch region, and these hooves do little mercy to scrat-
> Flutter: “Would you like me to do it?”
> turning_back_now.png
-----
> Congratulations, two ponies here have successfully demonstrated the act of saying or doing something immensely indecent; it appears Twilight is now holding back from attacking a frightened Fluttershy, having felt the aura of doom come from the purple unicorn and retreated into a tree.
> Flutter: “…I’m sorry…”
Yeah, I’d be careful what you say, boss. Twilight’s a jealous mare, huh?
> With this, you lightly slap the hind of a raging Twilight; this, friends, was a very poor decision.
Checkpoint.
> You won’t fretter with the major details, but it resulted in fire being involved and the loss of half an eyebrow; like Fluttershy, you also are now hiding in a tree.
> Twi: “Tch… you… YOU IDIOT!”
> You don’t remember teaching this spell; her mane is literally aflame in some sort of maniacal rage;
> YEAH SHE’S PISSED.
> The ponies watch with mild interest as Twilight utilizes the fire spells you taught her so properly.
> On one side of the coin, you admire that she’s literally unleashing hell onto you and the tree just like the way you instructed her;
> On the other, though, you prefer them not being directed at you in a vicious manner, doing your best to save this poor sapling from a burning death.
> Applejack: “Twilight, ya need to calm down!”
> The white hot unicorn pivots on the spot, now looking at the group with eyes that tells a tale meant for another day, terrifying them to the point of pissing themselves.
> They don’t actually do it, mind, but it would have been funny if it did!
> Before she takes the situation far too out of hoof(as if you don’t think she’s already beyond saving at this point anyways), you teleport behind her and give her a reverse hug of sorts.
> Mind, this burnt like hell for a second until she realized that, well, she was cooking you.
Attacking your teacher is a bit much, Twilight.
> Twi: “I… ugh… I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I just feel so … angry. I’m confused and upset right now.”
> Still keeping her in a death grip in case she goes Saiyan again, you run your fingers through her ruffled mane as the group watches in bewilderment.
> You grin as you realize that you’re actually smoldering with smoke.
Well, you need to relax, it’s not like they want to fuck me, and you need to understand that when I’m teasing you, it’s only in good nature.
> Twi: “Sigh… great, now they’re freaked out because they saw their friend catch aflame and try to kill somep0ny.”
Forget about it, then; they have already.
> Twi: “Eh?”
> High Mystical Spell, Level 4: Time Reversal style.
> Remember that point in time where you marked it? “Checkpoint”?
> Yeah, you just restarted the entire world from there, leaving you heaving for air; having just smacked Twilight’s flank in a teasing manner (your contact with her before allows her to remember what happened), she turns in bewilderment at the sudden spell cast.
> Pinkie: “Checkpoint~? What kind of game is that! Is it fun, huh? Huh? Huh?!”
> Dash: “You look a bit winded there, you see a ghost?”
> Twi: “Whuh… wha?!”
Huff… yeah… I’ve seen some crazy shit, dude.
> Although it would be a sound conclusion that the group was soundly jumbled by your misplaced words, they were soon distracted by the sudden appearance of a six foot high cake, courtesy of Pinkie Pie.
> Really though, it was at least two yards tall; this thing could go almost toe to toe with you- granted a cake had toes anyways.
> Twilight Sparkle is silent in trying to figure out what happened as you whip up a handkerchief and a plate.
> Cake is serious business.
-----
> So you successfully survived the group-up-date-thing despite the need to reset time itself for the sake of Twilight’s pride and your now intact eyebrow.
> After escorting Applejack and Fluttershy to their respective homes (the others apparently felt the need to convoy themselves versus your delightful company), it’s now you, a still timid Twilight, and the keenest Spike you’ve heard of this week.
> Spike: “Man, that was so fun! I LOVE hanging out with Rarity!”
I don’t understand what you could possibly see in her, Spike. She’s very… sophisticated, to put it politely.
> He must have a spare heart or two, because after piercing one with your modest words he lets it roll right on over.
> Spike: “She’s so sweet, elegant… she’s kind to me like no one else-“
What about Twilight?
> Spike: “Well, Twilight…”
> He glances over at her with a glance of nervousness, unsure how to answer; her head hung low and her morals lower, he decides to invest in a safe answer.
> Spike: “She’s like a sister to me, family! She always takes care of me, so I don’t really see her like how I see Rarity~!”
Forgive me if that sounds entirely shallow.
> Spike: “Huh. So how does it feel to be dating Twilight?”
Doesn’t feel like anything’s changed.
> She’s practically dragging her face through the dirt.
Lift your head, Twilight Sparkle. I say that because it feels like we’ve been dating all this time; it’s just we haven’t known each other before and now we’re in acceptance of each other in mores way than one.
> There goes her spirits, skyrocketing like a firework; she’s doing her damn best to be smooth about it though for some reason.
> Twi: “… Really?”
Twilight, you’re Twilight. I wouldn’t have taken an interest in teaching you if I didn’t like you; it just took me a bit to condense it into a finer form. Obviously we’re still a bit rough around the edges-
> She’s inches from your legs now, in danger of being punted from your walk home; considering she’s a third of your height, this example of a romantic pace together isn’t precisely the most effective.
-But I still think we can manage. However, class comes first, always.
> Twi: “Always?”
Maybe second to dinner, but otherwise yes. I’m fucking filled to the brim with cake though, holy shit; I’m going to turn diabetic at this rate.
-----
> Home sweet home, and no one’s here; that is to say, Trixie appears to be out and about, despite it being late evening.
> Twilight, a bit more chipper in her step, hops along to the kitchen as you get ready to shower.
> Twi: “I have a couple questions, but I suppose they can wait til later, teehee~!”
> She giggles before getting the vegetarian’s delight of a meal going, yourself responding automatically with eyerolls and groans.
> After burning a good fifteen minutes in a hot shower washing yourself and jerking off, you return to the living room in pajamas- only to find that Trixie has returned.
> Trixie: “Behold Trixie’s glory! Trixie yields with wondrous tales of daring ventures and bouts of excitement!”
Welcome back, and beg your pardon?
> Trixie: “Ugh! I did a bunch of coooool stuff today while you guys were out!”
> Cool stuff.
> Trixie.
> Pick one.
Alright, let’s hear it, this ‘lustrous tale’.
> Trixie: “Not ‘lustrous’, wondrous! Trixie is no promiscuous mare, not even if you beg me to!”
That’s luscious, dear.
> She apparently had her mind in the gutter… you think.
> It’s hard to venture the mind of this one.
> Trixie: “Anyways! Today was WONDERFUL!”
> Ten seconds passes fruitfully. Dramatic suspense is building like Himalayan avalanche.
… And?       
> Trixie: “…And what?”
You don’t mean…
> Twi: “That’s all you’re gonna tell us?”
> Twilight’s now listening in from the kitchen, which leaves Trixie to give some sort of chortle.
> Trixie: “Ohohohoohohohoho! The great wizard and her student wishes to know what the great ME did?”
It’s not a tale if you don’t tell it. Now cough up one hell of a narration, or go help Twilight cook.
> She curses in a non-obscene manner (is that even possible?).
> Trixie: “Tch, fine! It was this morning when I left, and…”
> The end.