*Day Punjab is Fucking Crazy in Equestria*
 
>Wake up
>You know the routine;  shit, shower, shave, go downstairs, etc
>But, instead of getting cereal, you head straight for the front door
>You open it just in time to see Fluttershy's hoof miss where the door used to be
>She's pretty predictable
>She's also wearing a turban and spiked bracers today
>Maybe not so predictable....
Can I help you?
>'Oh, uh, well....'
>'I, uh, want to show you something'
>She jumps back, and you see the rest of the mane six, Big Mac, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and other various p0nies, all wearing matching turbans and bracers
>'I, um, dedicate this performace to you, my love'
 
>Twilight hits the play button on a boombox, and the sounds of some Middle Eastern instruments starts playing, accompanied by a man singing in a language you don't understand
>As the music starts, Fluttershy begins to mouth the words being sung, and starts a slow choreographed routine, ending with her hooves extending to what you're assuming to be the center of the stage
>Twilight does the same, a mirror image of Fluttershy, similarly ending with her hoof outstretched
>The music continues, and Applejack and Rarity come from the sides of the stage, meeting in the center
>They turn away from each other as they approach, and stand back to back, looking at you and reaching out to you while lip-synching
>Rarity looks like she'd rather be anywhere else but here; you're assuming it's because, while planned out, it's very poorly choreographed
I don't know what you're getting at here, but it seems nice so far
>The music suddenly changes tempo, and the p0nies flee the stage, while five ponies begin spinning some odd wheels hoof over hoof
>Okay, maybe not THAT poorly choreographed...
>You're mesmerized by the spinning wheels, enough to not notice Fluttershy making her way to the back of the stage
>The p0nies spinning suddenly stop and exit to the sides, allowing Fluttershy to rush to the front
>She seems to be holding....
>Why does she have flourescent tubes?
>Your question is answered as she reaches the front of the stage;  she smashes the tube across her face
WHAT THE FUCK?!?
 
>She continues to break the tube over herself, and is joined by Twilight, following suit by hitting herself in the face
>As the tubes wear down they, instead of breaking them over their bodies, begin to grind them with their mouths
>Shards of glass and drops of blood cascade from their mouths, but they continue, unflinching
>Rarity runs up to Fluttershy, flourescent bulbs in hoof, and begins to break them over Fluttershy
>With every hit, Fluttershy tenses her muscles and lets out a roar of strength
>Twilight continues to eat lightbulbs, crunching them between her front teeth and letting the glass fall
>Fluttershy, since rearmed, breaks a fresh bulb across her chest, and then proceeds to strike the remaining bulb against her forelimb, gradually whittling it down to nothing
>Once they finish their bizzare show, Fluttershy and Twilight flee the stage
>They're replaced by Applejack, Applebloom, and Big Mac
>Applejack lays on her side, facing you, while Applebloom brings over a stack of three bricks
>Applejack and Applebloom then balance the bricks on Applejack's head, while Big Mac walks up with a sledgehammer
OH GOD PLEASE NO
 
>'Noope', he responds, sending the hammer down on AJ's head
>The bricks shatter, and Applejack jumps up, unhurt
>You sigh in relief
>Just then, Pinkie Pie makes her way to the center of the stage
>She appears to have a flaming staff, and is twirling it chaoticly around the stage
>This won't end well
>She continues this bizzare dance, and you see Big Mac strut his way front and center
>Pinkie then breaks the fiery stick across his chest, causing him to shout
>'EEYUP!'
>Rarity runs out with a similar, non-flaming stick, and homerows the stallion
>'EEYUP'
>AJ comes onstage and bends a length of rebar over Big Mac's neck
>'EEYUP'
>This continues several times, first with sticks, and then with pieces of plywood
>Mac, to his credit, never flinches once
>He roars triumphantly, setting up a small bench before exiting stage right
>He's replaced by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, all bearing an object
>Scootaloo has a large clay pot
>Applebloom has a sledgehammer
>And Sweetie Belle has a sledgehammer, only this one has been filed down so the head is sporting two razor-sharp points
 
>Scootaloo lays down on the bench, positioning the pot above her
>Sweetie rests her hammer, points down, on the pot
>Applebloom hefts her hammer over her head
GIRLS, NO!  THIS ISN'T THE WAY TO EARN YOUR CUTIE MARKS!
>Too late;  Applebloom's hammer connects with Sweeties, causing the pot to break over Scootaloo
>It shatters, leaving a sizable piece still on Scootaloo's chest
>Sweetie moves the hammer, and Applebloom brings hers down again, splintering the remaining chunk
>Even though there's no clay left, A.B. and S.W. hammer Scootaloo a few more times, just for good measure
>You're horrified, but you still manage to eeke out:
...heh.  Scootabuse.
>as the Crusaders exit, leaving four stallions on stage, bending rebar by forcing it against each other's throats
>Each team seems to make it about 90 degrees, before they all collapse in a heap, clutching their throats
>As you're wondering if they're okay, you hear 'Over here, my love!'
 
>You turn your head to find Fluttershy laying on the ground while Pinkie slowly inches a car closer to her
>Pinkie then guns it, running over Fluttershy with the front wheels
PINKIE WHAT THE FUCK!  wHERE DID YOU EVEN GET A CAR IN EQUESTRIA?
>She's too busy committing the most cooperative hit-and-run in history to notice
>Pinkie then guns it a little more, halfway through running over Fluttershy with her back tires when
>SCOOTALOO OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
>zips up on her scooter and runs over Fluttershy's head
>You cry out in equal parts shock and concern, but Flutters appears to be okay
>Twilight runs up and helps Fluttershy stand
>She did just get FUCKING RUN OVER BY A CAR, AFTER ALL
>Your focus averts back to center stage, where Rarity is lying nervously on the ground as stallions pile concrete blocks on her chest
>Big Mac runs up from the back, a sledgehammer cocked over his head
OH GOD NO YOU'LL SQUISH HER LIKE A MARSHMALLOW
>He arcs the hammer, and brings it down on the blocks being supported by an increasingly terrified Rarity
>The bricks break, half falling to the ground, and he hits the other half, bouncing them off Rarity's chest and letting them fall
>AJ appears next to him, and gives her best 'come at me bro' face
I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING, APPLESAUCE
 
>He obliges, and hits her in the chest with the hammer
>Twice
>And once in the side, before throwing the hammer down in victory
>The hammer falls next to Twilight, who's laying on the ground while Pinkie stands above her with an axe
>Pinkie swings it down at Twilight's face
THIS ISN'T CUPCAKES YOU CRAZY BITCH WHAT ARE YOU DOING
>Suddenly, Spike shoves a metal box between Pinkie's legs, catching the axe just before it hits Twilight
>This doesn't stop Pinkie, however, and she continues to try and force the axe through the box and split Twilight's skull in two
>Pinkie stops, however, when you all hear 'AND NOW FOR THE MOST AWESOMEST STUNT!' come from your right
>Rainbow is standing atop a tower, next to a ladder made of...
HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT NOTICE A FUCKING LADDER MADE OUT OF FUCKING FLOURESCENT BULBS?!?
>Rainbow grins, wings spread wide, and smashes a bulb over her chest, embedding large chunks of glass into her skin
>She then belly flops in the most ungraceful way imaginable through a tower of fragile glass and noble gas
>She stands up, seemingly unhurt, and does a victory lap around Sweetie Belle, who's pulling the car Pinkie was driving with her teeth
YOU'RE LIKE THE SIZE OF A FUCKING CHIHUAHUA, HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE
 
>Sweetie drops the car and runs to the main stage, where all the other p0nies are gathering
>Rainbow is laying on her back, and has two 'bed of nails' boards placed on her chest, one facing down, one facing up
>Rarity follows suit, laying on the nails coming up from Rainbow's chest, and likewise has two boards placed on her chest
>Twilight jumps on top, and has a cinderblock balanced on her torso
>They seem to be making a tower
>Fluttershy appears from the back, holding a hammer
>She flies up and brings the hammer down on the block being supported by Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow.
>It doesn't break the first time, so she hits it again, causing it to crack
>Half falls to the floor and Flutters hits the remaining piece, causing it to tumble down
>Everyp0ny starts to pose, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders climb to the top of the tower
>They collectively wave the Equestrian flag as the song ends, and everyp0ny poses dramatically
>You're fucking shocked speechless
>What the fuck did you just witness
>Fluttershy jumps out of formation and asks:
>'Uhm, is Gatka your fetish, Anon?'
 
>You cross your legs slightly, only barely able to contain your massive erection
>That was the most glorious thing you've ever witnessed
>All the p0nies seem to be eagerly awaiting your answer
.....No, Fluttershy
>The collective of p0nies lets out one huge sigh of relief and begins to disperse
>Fluttershy also says 'Thank Celestia.  I'm never doing that again'
You did a really good job, though.  
>This boner isn't subsiding, and you're seriously considering giving her the dick
>I mean, that was hellaciously impressive
>She says 'Thanks.  We put a lot of work into it.  Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go wash broken glass and mercury out of my cuts.'
>'I'll see you tomorrow, Anon.'
Oh... okay. Sure.  See you then
>You turn around, close the door, and immediately begin masturbating furiously into one of your socks
>Hey, this boner needs to go away somehow, seeing as you're not
>Fucking Fluttershy
 
Go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-OFfcC7-cI
and start watching at 1:20
 
It is, dare I say, epic