*Three days after your world collapsed in Equestria*
 
>Your name is Fluttershy
>And, yeah
>This is your life
>You lie under the covers in your bed, staring blankly at the ceiling amid a small sea of potato chip bags and empty pints of ice cream
>No tissues, though
>You haven't cried once since that day
>The day you started to hope again
>The day that hope was ripped from your heart like a bandage from a wound
>In the back of your mind, you think you really should clean up a bit
>But, you haven't really had the drive to do anything for the past few days
>Once you were out of junk food, you just stopped eating
>It's not like you had an appetite, anyway
>You would occasionally get up to use the restroom, but you can't find the energy to get out of bed
>Oh hey
>Ice cream containers
>Problem solved
>Once you were out of ice cream containers, you just started to piss yourself
>If you thought anyone would find out, you wouldn't do it
>But, fuck it
>It's not like anyone's going to visit anyways
>Even if they did, you couldn't get up to answer the door
 
 
 
>And so here you lie
>Emotionally broken, surrounded by trash, and wallowing in your own filth
>It's fitting, really
>You belong with the garbage
>You belong with the filth
>Ever since you were a filly, other ponies have tossed you aside without a second thought
>Your own father made it abundantly clear how much he resented your existence
>You were an accident, a fact that he would bring up constantly
>Your father was a star athlete, with high hopes of getting a full ride scholarship to an extremely exclusive Canterlot college
>He got your mother, a random party hookup, pregnant before he finished high school
>Her family disowned her, and his family forced him to marry her
>They both had to drop out of school to support you
>Growing up, you didn't know anything was wrong
 
 
 
>You thought everyone's family functioned like yours
>Mommy eating handfuls of painkillers while she was supposed to be watching you and passing out on the couch
>Daddy coming home after work and yelling at mommy until she woke up about the house being a mess
>You practicing being quiet up in your room
>You tried so hard to be quiet, because daddy scared you
>And if you were quiet enough, sometimes daddy would forget that you were there
>After he got done yelling at mommy until she started crying, he would start drinking
>You didn't really know what he was drinking, but you knew once he started you needed to be extra quiet
>If he saw or heard you, he'd start calling you names
>To this day, you're not sure if he knew your actual name
>He'd usually just call you  retard, wingless, or some other hurtful, degrading name
>The fact that he was such a fast flier and you, well, weren't...
>It made him really mad for some reason
>Mommy used to defend you
>She would say that it wasn't your fault, that being fast or strong wasn't that important
>Well, she sometimes did
>Most of the time she didn't, because she knew if she did daddy would start yelling more
>And if daddy kept yelling, she was going to get hit
>After getting beaten a few times, mommy stopped sticking up for you
>You didn't blame her
>But it did leave a mental scar
>Daddy hated you to the point that he would beat mommy if she defended you
>And mommy let you get abused so that she didn't have to
>But, it was your life
>At least, it was until you went to live with your grandma
 
 
 
>A few days before Nightmare Night, you went out to play with some of your friends from school
>There was really only one, a small blue filly with a rainbow mane
>All of the ponies in your school called you names like your dad did
>They called her names too, like Rainbow Crash and Rainbow Dyke
>The difference between you two is that she didn't let it affect her
>You wanted to be like her, so confident and apparantly bulletproof
>Anyway, you two stayed late after school so that you could play in the playground before you went home
>You learned that the longer you stayed away from home, the better
>When you were done playing, she walked with you to your house
>When you got there, there were police cars everywhere
>Apparantly, while you were playing, daddy got a lot more drunk than usual
>He started beating your mom in her sleep, and ended up putting her in the hospital
>Your neighbors heard this and called the police
>You got there just in time to see your dad get hauled off in a black-and-white
>The policeman in charge told you what happened, that your dad was going away for a long, long time
>That your mommy was asleep and was unlikely to ever wake up
>That they had called your grandma, and you were going to live with her
>You didn't know what to say
M-mommy and Daddy are really gone?
>The policeman took off his hat and nodded slowly
>You didn't know what to do
>This all happened so fast
>Your face knotted up, and you started shaking
>You buried your face in the policeman's coat and started sobbing
>He tried to comfort you as best he could, but to no avail
>You cried for a solid ten minutes
>Well, HE thought you were crying
>You wanted him to think you were crying
>That's how you should have responded
>But, you weren't
>You weren't even sad
>You were laughing
>It was over
 
 
 
>The fact that you were glad you'd never see your parents again has bothered you to this day
>I mean, they were horrible ponies, but they were still your parents
>Sweet pony Jesus, you're hungry
>That can wait, though
>For the first time in several days, you're self-aware enough to realize you've been laying in your own piss
>You grimace, and slide off the bed to stand up
>As your foot hits the ground, you accidentally crush one of the ice cream containers
>It wasn't hard, the acidity of the urine contained inside weakened the paper
>But now you're left with a puddle of cold urine spreading into your carpet
Oh my God.  Fluttershy, you're disgusting.
>You speak, your voice cracking from disuse, but you can still hear your own contempt
>Whatever
>You deserve it
>Maybe if you were worthwhile, you wouldn't constantly get rejected
>Maybe if you were worthwhile, someone would finally love you
>But the fact is you do, and no one does
>The other Elements have it easy
>Twilight, that whore, has her books and Magical theory
>And you've seen firsthand that being Honest, Generous, Loyal, or spreading Laughter will inspire Honesty, Generosity, Loyalty, and Laughter
>But Kindness?
>You've shown so much Kindness, only to have it thrown back in your face
>You stumble over to the shower, cranking the temperature up as high as it goes
>As you lay underneath the cascade of water, allowing the heat and motion of the water to cleanse you, your mind wanders
>Back to the last time you were rejected
>Before all of this with Anon, back when you were in high school
>Back to Sunburst
 
 
 
>Your grandma lived on the other side of Cloudsdale
>Sadly, that meant switching schools, but due to the layout of the school system maps you were actually living closer to Rainbow than before
>However, that didn't concern you as much anymore
>Your grandma's neighbors had a son about your age
>His name was Sunburst, and you developed a crush on him almost instantly
>He didn't know anything about your past
>He never made fun of you
>He was nice to you for no reason, which is something you didn't have much of before
>Soon enough you two were inseperable
>But even though you did everything together, you never told him how you felt about him
>You were scared he would leave, and you'd be alone again
>But still, it was the happiest time of your life
>Then came high school
>At the beginning of your first year, you two were still best friends
>But as time went on, you began to drift apart
>He was handsome, athletic, and just cool in general
>Whereas you weren't athletic, and were always socially awkward
>Even though the castes of high school were pulling you apart, you tried to stay friends with him
>And to his credit, he tried too
>For a while
>But, sports and parties became more important, and you were left by the wayside
>Even though it broke your heart, you were still happy for him
>He seemed happy
>And even though you were sad, seeing him happy made you feel better
>Because you loved him
 
 
 
>By senior year, he was just another face in the hallway
>So it came as a complete surprise when at the end of senior year he asked you to go to the prom with him
>You thought he had a marefriend, and that should have crossed your mind
>But you were too excited to think about things like that
>You said yes without hesitation
>On the day of the prom, you spent all day dolling yourself up for him
>You weren't too sure about hooficures and makeup and all that
>But you wanted to look beautiful
>By the time you were done, you were
>Even if you weren't the prettiest mare in school, you finally had some confidence
>You acknowledged that even though you weren't perfect, you had some worth
>And the fact that Sunburst acknowleged that too...
>You couldn't wait;  it was going to be the best night ever
>At 8pm, you walked over to his house and knocked on his door
>A rail-thin Alicorn answers
>'What do YOU want?'
>The emphasis she put on 'you' was as if she was trying to spit it out of her mouth
Uhm....  Sunburst... asked me to prom....  and I'm here now...
>She laughs, a sound that rings in your ears like breaking glass
>'YOU?  Baby, did you ask a weird little yellow pegasus to prom?'
>From deeper inside the house you hear:
 
 
 
>'Oh, wow!  She actually came?  I thought for sure she knew I was kidding!'
>What
>No
>Oh, no
>This has to be some sick nightmare
>This can't be real
>'What are you waiting for?  You can go ahead and go home now.'
>The alicorn slams the door in your face
>You stand there for a second, then slowly turn around and walk away
>You look down, at your perfectly manicured hooves
>Your beautifly simple dress
>Your wings, perfectly groomed
>This was supposed to be your night
>You trudge back to your house
>Up the stairs
>Into your room
>Faceplant on the bed
>And slowly
>Softly
>You begin to cry
 
 
 
>Back in the present day, you're crying
>Your shock out of catatonia has dredged back every sad memory of your past
>The water, once almost scalding, has mellowed to near freezing
>I guess you're done in the shower
>You get out, and dry yourself off
>You exit the bathroom into your bedroom
>The scene disgusts you
>There's garbage, piss, and garbage full of piss everywhere
>This is abhorrent
>No wonder everyone rejects you
>Even Anon....
>Your throat closes up at the thought of him
>After not trusting anyp0ny for so long, you were desperate for love
>And just when things seemed at their worst, the clouds broke and an angel descended
>You found an animal wandering in the Everfree Forest
>An animal with the intelligence of a pony
>A scared, lonely animal, a long way from home
>You took him in, gave him a home
>And it seemed he was truly grateful
>All was going well
>You were still lonely, but at least you found a kindred soul in your lonliness
>And then he kissed you
>And your world shook
>You felt a surge of emotion rush through you at that moment
>Hot, starting at your heart, and rushing out to every corner of your body, filling it with a sensitive, tingling feeling
>This had to be love
>You couldn't get enough of it
>After he fell asleep, you layed with your head on his chest for the rest of the night, listening to his heart beat
>Even though you only slept a few hours that night, you woke up early, and feeling fully rested
>You were so grateful to finally have somebody to care about
 
 
 
>And then your world convulsed
>'It was a mistake'
>You couldn't believe it
>You thought you'd finally found it
>A real love you could count on
>But, no
>A mistake
>But, just as despair was about to overwhelm you, he threw you a line of hope
>He didn't dislike you, he just didn't know how he felt
>It wasn't much, but it was something
>And you took it
>If he didn't know how he felt, you were going to convince him to love you
>You had to get that feeling back
>No matter what
But it wasn't good enough, you fucking moron
>You begin stumbling through your house, careful to not touch anything in your bedroom
>You shamble down the stairs, lacking direction and talking to yourself
If he wanted you, he would have said so by now.
And besides, he's with that purple whore now
>You really thought Twilight was your friend
>Her betrayal stings, but not as much as the void you feel in your heart
 
 
 
>Oh, God
>That void
>It's back
>You didn't notice it's absence in the past few days, but then again you didn't feel much of anything
>You forgot how much it hurt
>Being the embodiment of Kindness in a harsh, uncaring world is rough
But it's rougher when you've been unloved your entire life
>You say it aloud, and the words echo in your ears
I've been unloved my entire life
>And that's the saddest thing you've ever heard
>You think about the mess upstairs
>That was horrible
>You never want to feel like that again
>You can't
>Ever
>You won't
>You refuse
I REFUSE!
>You're shocked by how loud you are
>But you don't care
NO!
NEVER AGAIN!
I'M DONE!
NO MORE SITTING AROUND WAITING FOR REAL LOVE!
NO MORE CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT, TELLING MYSELF IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY!
NO MORE NIGHTS SPENT AWAKE WISHING SOMEONE WOULD HOLD ME!
>You spot the flowers that beautiful demon gave you what seems like a lifetime ago
AND THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY....
>You pick up the vase
I CAN MAKE SURE....
>You cock it back
THERE AREN'T!
ANY!
MORE!
>You throw it, as hard as you can, through the window and outside
 
 
 
>Angel pokes his head in the doggy door, terrified
>He has no idea what's going on
Angel
>He looks at you
I need you to go find Rainbow Dash.  You're going to be staying with her for a while.
>He goes wide-eyed, and then takes off
Such a good bunny....
>You walk back upstairs, through your room, carefully avoiding the garbage
>You open the medicine cabinet and pull out a bottle
>Yeah, that's probably enough
>You get in the tub and turn on the tap, letting the basin fill with cold water
>You relax
>And think about a happier place
>Where you're loved and cared for each and every day
>As the bottle of sleeping pills take effect, and you drift into unconciousness, your last thought is that you hope, wherever you go, you'll be loved
>It's all you've ever wanted