*Day 'The Candyman' in Equestria*
>Be Slasher Science
>Wake up
>Standard morning routine; shit, shower, shave, go downstairs
>You reach for the knob on the cupboard when an alien presence floods your mind
>[INDEX]MOTHER WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU[/SCENE]
>An image of a corrupt and demented Twilight Sparkle coalesces in your mind
>Her eyes are wide and unfocused, the irises tight fuschia pinpricks against the deep black sea of sclera
>Her mouth is drawn up in a sadistic rictus, revealing rows of startlingly white teeth stained in black and red rivulets from the ichor flowing freely from her eyes and nose
>Her mane-
You can stop now, it's not scaring me
>[INDEX]Huh?  Oh, you're no fun[/SCENE]
>You pause
Where, exactly, is that in the Index?
>......
>[INDEX]Fuck you, that's where[/SCENE]
>This internal dialogue is interrupted by a knock on your door
>You snap out of thought, and answer the door
>You're greeted by Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle, with a boombox at their feet
>Sweetie Belle has grown up quite a bit, and is now the pony equivalent of a teenager
>She's still adorable, but now that she's grown up she's lost some of that... innocence... that you found so appealing
>It doesn't matter much, though; You'd never say no to that marshmalllow ass
>Fluttershy hits the play button, and Sweetie starts to sing while Fluttershy begins dancing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiy9YB1coMw
>Sweetie has really developed her talents at singing, and you are honestly impressed at how well she's doing
>Fluttershy, on the other hand...
>Refusing to break eye contact with you, and being so nervous, she keeps stumbling and always seems to be about half a step behind
>You watch the entire performance, subconconciously conflicted as to if you should be enjoying such a sharp juxtaposition between the beautiful singing and the terrible dancing
>The song ends with Sweetie Belle beaming and Fluttershy posing in an awkwardly sexual position
>'Are-*pant*- Are interpretive dances used as romantic gestures your fetish, Slasher?'
>.....
>Fuck everything, this is happening
....Kind of.
>You start walking toward her, and she gets an excited look on her face
>That look turns to surprise as you shove your way past her, over to Sweetie Belle, and pick up the unicorn with a *squeak*
>You then walk back into the house, slamming the door in Fluttershy's face
>You march the two of you up to your bedroom, throwing Sweetie on the bed
>*pomf* 'What are we going to do on the bed, Slasher?'
>You smile and lick your cracked, dry lips as you lock the door behind you
Shhhh... you be quiet now....
>You shake with anticipation as you make your way over to the bed
>Sweetie, sensing what's about to happen, bites her lower lip lightly; out of nervousness or anticipation, you're not sure
You just keep so quiet and so still...
>Suddenly, a brilliant purple flash erupts next to you
>'I DON'T THINK SO!'
>Twilight is standing at the center of the explosion, a look of murder in her eyes
>Sweetie jumps, and stands on the bed
>'Twilight, it's not-'
>Is all she gets out before she's engulfed in purple flames
>Sweetie begins shrieking as [spoiler]her skin blackens and begins to crack from the intense heat[/spoiler]
>[spoiler]The whitish subdermal fat oozes and drips from the cracks and sizzles as it touches the flames[/spoiler]
>Her mane and tail [spoiler]burn away almost instantly, causing a large cloud of acrid black smoke to billow off of her, filling the room[/spoiler]
>Her voice [spoiler]begins to crack and go raw due to the intensity of her screaming and the superheated air she's inhaling[/spoiler]
>Twilight, her horn glowing with purple energy, grins sadisticly as the heat causes [spoiler]Sweetie's eyes to turn red, the fluid inside boiling[/spoiler]
>You hear [spoiler]two sickening *POP-tshhhhh* as Sweetie's eyes finally burst from the pressure, the fluid boiling down her charred cheeks and evaporating[/spoiler]
Twilight, STOP THIS!
>She looks at you with a mixture of dementia and adoration
>'I agree, I think she's had enough'
>The glow fades, and the flames recede, leaving a charred, smoking husk on your strangely unsinged bed
>You drop to your knees in shock and bury your face in your hands
Twi... You killed her...
>Twilight looks at you, puzzled
>'No I didn't'
>Your eyes shoot open, and you look at the pile of charred flesh and ash
>It's moving weakly
OH GOD THAT'S EVEN WORSE!
>'How?', Twilight asks as she grabs a patch of ashen skin and violently tears it off
>You gasp in horror, and then your eyes go wide
>A pristine, white hoof is poking out of the ash
>Well, kind of pristine;  it looks kind of gooey
>Like if you were to pull the burnt part off a marshmallow
>You and TWilight peel the strangely light layers off, to reveal:
>Sweetie Belle, as a filly
>She looks at herself
>'What did you DO to me?!?'
>Her voice cracks at the word 'do', and you're suddenly sporting half a chub
>Twilight looks at you:
>'I got you a present, honey.  I know how you love fillies.'
>Boner growing
>'You know how Mother loves to see you happy.'
>You smile, and hug her
Oh Twilight, you're the best mom ever!
>She hugs you back, and says
>'I know.  Now, you go and have your fun.  If anything 'happens'...'
>She actually does the air quotes
>'...give me a call, and I can reset her.  If I'm right, she'll reset back to this version of herself.'
>She backs away, and smiles
>'Have fun, you two.'
>And she teleports away
>You turn to Sweetie Belle
>She looks terrified
>You grin like a madman
>Today's going to be a good day
 
 
*Day Rape Games in Equestria*
>You are picklehead42
>And dear God, you are sick of pickle jokes
>Every fucking day
>I mean, you know your name is picklehead and all, but seriously...
>You can't really blame the p0nies in this town, though;  Names seem much more indicative of someone's occupation or interests here
>The one called Applejack has an unhealthy obsession with apples
>It kind of makes sense that you would be likewise obsessed with pickles
>You walk down the stairs, into your pickle-themed kitchen
>Open your pickle shaped refrigerator
>Pull out a jar of pickles
>Sit down at your pickle shaped table
>And pull a pickle from the jar
>You stare at it for a second, grimace, and begin munching on it
>You kind of hate your kitchen, but seeing as everything in it was gifted to you, you don't want to throw anything away
>Besides, it was all free
>Including all the pickles you could ever eat
>You mentally shrug
>It could be worse
>Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock at your door
>You get up and answer it, and you're greeted by Fluttershy
>Standing on her back hooves
>In a giant pickle suit
>Holding maracas
>'Uhm, are...'
>You glare at her
>She starts stuttering
>'A-a-are p-p-pickles......'
No
>You slowly close the door in her face
>Fucking pickles
 
 
*Day Magicae Opera in Equestria*
>You are Disc Ward
>And you awake to the feeling of hot breath on the back of your neck
>You jump away from the sensation, falling out of bed
>Peeking up from the side of the mattress, you see Raritan in his boxers, laying on his side with a shit-eating grin on his face
WHAT THE FUCK, RARITAN?!?
>'What?  It was cold in my room and you were warm!'
That doesn't mean you can spoon me whenever you feel like it!
And besides, I told you that if you HAD to sleep in my bed we'd sleep head-to-feet!
>Raritan puts on a fake pout, obviously enjoying your discomfort
>'What's the point of that?  Our naughty bits still meet in the middle.'
Yeah, but head-to-foot there's no way for them to lock in....
>You meekly fist-bump yourself a few times
>Raritan laughs
>'Whatever you need to tell yourself, man.'
>'Anyways, I've got to start getting ready to meet Rarity, would you be a dear and go get the mail?'
>You fume
....okay.
>Raritan hits the shower, and you get dressed for the walk to the post office
>As you walk, you're stopped by Rainbow Dash, who congratulates you on finally getting together with Raritan
>As calmly as you can, you explain that you are, in fact, not gay, and furthermore are not gay for Raritan
>You continue to walk to the post office, and are subsequently met by various other ponies, who also congratulate your new relationship
>You struggle to control your frustration, and explain to each of them that you are, in fact, not gay
>You finally reach your breaking point when Pinkie Pie bounds up to you
>She starts going on and on about how great it is that you found somebody and that she was going to throw you two a party
>She begins to talk about wedding cakes and who would wear the tuxedo and who would wear the dress when you interrupt her
PINKIE!
>Surprisingly enough, she stops talking
ACTUALLY, EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP!
I AM NOT, NOR WILL I EVER BE, IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH RARITAN!
HE'S JUST STAYING ON MY COUCH WHILE HE FINDS A PLACE OF HIS OWN!
>With that, Raritan out of fucking nowhere, sneaks up behind you and grabs your ass
>'Oh, honey, I know you love me.  You don't have to be so tsundere.'
>He pecks you on the cheek and saunters away with a grin on his face
>All the ponies in the area 'd'awwwwww' in unison
>You flush deep crimson, in a combination of embarrassment and rage
>You are SO MAD
>And then you hear, from the crowd of ponies, a meek
>'Disc WardxRaritan OTP'
>Your head swivels around to locate the offender, and you see Fluttershy wearing a t-shirt with crudely drawn pictures of you and Raritan surrounded by a heart
>That's it
>You're done
>You bellow in rage so hard you go Super-Saiyan and fly off to the Everfree forest to beat the shit out of some trees
>Fucking Fluttershy
>Fucking Raritan
>FUCKING EVERYTHING
 
 
*Day A Helping Hand in Equestria*
>You are Raritan
>And dear God you love tormenting Disc Ward
>After grabbing his ass and kissing him, you kept walking toward Rarity's shop
>You heard an explosion come from behind you, and chuckle
>That was probably Disc going supernova and raging off to the forest like he tends to do
>You're not concerned, though;  You have a lot on your plate today
>Today's the day you're going to ask Rarity out
>With a skip in your step, you bound up to Rarity's house and knock on the door
>She doesn't answer the door, but you hear from inside 'Come IIIIIiiiiiin!'
>Your heart melts a little as you let yourself in
>You find her in her inspiration room, comparing swatches of fabric
>She's so perfect
>She looks up at you and smiles
>'Good morning, Raritan!  What brings you by this early in the day?'
Well, uhm, I... I was wondering....
>Christ, you're awkward
>You manage to finally blurt out:
D-do you want to go out with me sometime?
>Well, it's out there now
>Rarity looks shocked, then starts smiling
>Smiling's a good sign...
>She walks up to you, and looks you deep in the eyes
>'Oh, darling....'
>'No....'
>You feel the bottom drop out of your stomach
>ABORTMISSION
OH!  Oh... okay, nevermind, Ill just show myself out...
>You turn around quickly to leave, but a hoof tugging your shirt stops you
>You turn your head, and Rarity pulls you down so she's eye level with you
>'Darling, please understand this has nothing to do with you'
>'It's just... my position as Element of Generosity puts me in some... awkward... situations.'
>'I have to be Generous with everything...'
>Huh?
Rarity, I don't understand...
>She sighs
>'I have to be generous with everything, including generously spreading my marshmallow flank all over Ponyville for any stallion that asks.'
>'The fact is, I'm a massive whore and it wouldn't be fair to you to be tied down to me.'
>Well, that came as a shock
>wait
>WAIT
>Did she just say she would have sex with anyone for any reason?
Rarity
>She looks at you, and you grin
Bend over
>She looks surprised, then throws on a sultry look and presents you with her glorious Jet-Puft ass
>Most of the rest of the day consists of you and Rarity fucking like rabbits on the floor of her shop
>When you're done the room reeks of sweat and marshmallows
>'Raritan, that was-'
>You stop her by holding up a hand
I know
>'Can you-'
I'll be back tomorrow, about the same time
>'I'd like that'
>You get dressed and leave, and practically skip home
>Not only do you get to have sex with Rarity whenever you want, you also don't have to deal with all her bitching
>Sorry, whining
>SORRY, complaining
>Because, fuck it, she's not your girlfriend
>She's just the town [spoiler]whorse[/spoiler]
>You didn't expect today to go this way, but it was awesome nonetheless
>You head home, eagerly anticipating tomorrow, where you'll be
>Fucking the shit out of Generosity
 
 
*Day With A Little Help in Equestria*
>You are Anonymous
>Kind of
>You don't reveal your name, but everyone knows you
>You're known for suddenly appearing, taking everyone in the area on your patented Emotional Rollercoaster, and then disappearing like smoke
>Everyone loves you, and wishes to know your name, but you eschew the relative fame in favor of letting your work speak for itself
>You're so revered around these parts some call you a God
>Most everyone else refers to you as the closest thing you've given them to a name
>DriverBang, or Driver for short
>And you will continue to monitor Ponyville, silently, as the various comedies and dramas unfold
>When you do speak, everyone stops and listens
>When you finish, everyone applauds
>And that's good enough for you
>You stand tall on your rooftop perch, cape fluttering in the breeze
>There are feels that need to be distributed
>And where feels are needed, you'll be there
>You smile
Time to get to work
 
 
*Day Hemophilia in Equestria*
>You are FracturedFlow
>Your day begins with a smile as you smile and make your way down to your basement
[spoiler]THE REST IS COMPLETELY CENSORED DUE TO OVERWHELMING REQUEST[/spoiler]
 
 
 
 
 
*Day In Loco Parentis in Equestria*
>You are Jibber
>And ever since you adopted Scootaloo, you've been hearing this weird sound wherever you go
>Usually when one of you does or says something emotional
>You've gone to everyone you know for help, and no one knows what's going on
>Well, everyone except Pinkie Pie
>You and Scoots are on your way to Sugarcube Corner to ask her advice
>As you walk, Scootaloo looks up at you
>'Dad, I'm scared'
Why's that, squirt?
>'This noise only happened after you adopted me....'
>'I'm afraid that the only way to make it go away is for you to leave....'
>'And I'm so happy now....  I don't want to lose you, Dad....'
>You bend over and hug her, and she clings to you, tears staining your shirt
It's okay, Scoots.  I'm not going anywhere.
>*HHNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG*
>Jesus, there it is again
>You both jump, and Scootaloo buries her face in your shirt, crying harder
*HHHHNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG*
>The sooner this nightmare is over, the better
>You grab Scootaloo and race toward Sugarcube Corner.
>You burst through the restaurant's door to find Pinkie behind the counter
Pinkie, we need help
>She looks kind of surprised, but then gets really excited.
>'HOORAY!  I LOVE helping! What seems to be the problem?'
>She starts bounding around, but then calms down when she sees you both are really troubled
There's this weird noise following Scoots and I
>Her eyebrow raises
>'What kind of noise?'
Uh....
>idea
Hey Scoots, want to make pizza tonight?
>Her problems forgotten, she jumps up excitedly
>Her wings buzz and her eyes sparkle as she hops around you, giddy
>*hnggggg*
That's it
>Pinkie's eyes brighten
>'Oh, THAT?   I know what that is!'
>'You've got a weak fourth wall!'
A what?
>'I'll show you!'
>She disappears, then reappears behind the counter holding a kitchen knife
>She hurls the knife toward the center of the room, and surprisingly enough it seems to stick in something mid-air
>She jumps toward the knife, grabbing it cutting downward, apparantly tearing the fabric of reality as she does so
>Confused, you and Scoots cautiously peek around, though this strange wormhole
>There are hundreds of men? in suits with green, blank faces huddled around the portal
>Scootaloo asks 'What are they, Dad?'
>A few of them grab their hearts and make a 'hnnnggggg' sound
>Pinkie interjects
>'That's the Anonymous.  Most ponies don't know this, but the events of their lives are constantly monitored by the Anonymous.'
>'It usually doesn't react very strongly to things, but the Anonymous in this area seems to have a peculiar weakness to feels.'
So, what can we do to make them stop?
>Pinkie thinks for a second, and says:
>'Well, I suppose you could get them to over-feel....'
>'After a few get feel-poisoning, the rest should get the message'
>She seems to know what she's talking about
>And it's the only shot you have
>Might as well.....
Scootaloo
>You say, and she looks at you with all the love a child can have for a parent
Get the fuck out of my sight
>Aaaaand it's gone, replaced by shock and disbelief
*hhnnnggg*
I'm tired of taking care of you, it's time for you to leave
>She begins to tear up, not fully understanding what just happened
>'B-but Dad!  You fought so hard to adopt me!'
*hhhhhhnnnnnnnnnggggggg*
Yeah, well, I didn't think you'd be so goddamn needy
Also, shouldn't you be able to fly by now?
>Her wings flatten to her sides
>'I... I'm still growing....  I'll be able to fly soon...'
*HHHNNNGGGG*
Rainbow Dash only said she'd be your big sister to make you feel better
She told me she thinks you're annoying
>Scootaloo is shaking like a leaf now, tears streaming down her face
>'N-n-n-n-no....'
*HHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG*
>FINISH HER!
If you were worth anything at all, you'd have your cutie mark by now.  
>That did it
>Scoots is sobbing uncontrollably on the floor, her face buried in her arms
>The rift, however, is strangely silent
>You peek through
Hey Scoots
>She's still sobbing
Scootaloo?
>You reach down and tussle her mane, and she hits your hand away
Yeah, I deserve that, but you need to see this
>She jerks her head from side to side and continues crying
>Fine, then
>You pick her up and point her in the direction of the portal
>Through her tears, she sees several dozen Anonymous sprawled out on the floor, clutching their chests, while the rest back away from the portal
You did it, Scoots
>She hiccups, and leers at you
>'Did what?'
Saved us from the Anonymous
They felt so bad for you, they're never going to bother us again
>You pull her up in to a hug
>Probably shouldn't tell her that she unintentionally murdered several dozen interdimensional beings
>It tends to scar a kid
>'So that means you didn't mean all those things?'
Not a word, kiddo
I love you, Scootaloo
Nothing's going to change that
>She clings to you, her tiny body trembling
>'I love you too, Dad'
>You both pause
>But hear nothing
>And you both sigh in relief
>Your nightmare is over
 
 
 
*Day I hope I didn't piss too many people off in Equestria*
>You are [spoiler]Scrabhunter[/spoiler]
>Your day begins as it normally does, shit, shower, trim up your goatee
>Got to maintain that autismal image, you know
>You wrap yourself in your kilt and go downstairs to grab some food before you start your day
>You promised FracturedFlow you'd write out a detailed how-to on disassembling a person
>He seemed really eager to have this information for some reason
>Oh well, it's just harmless curiosity
>It's not like he's actually going to cut someone up, right?
>Right?
>You ponder this, and open up the fridge
>It's full to bursting with Scrab Cakes
>Ah, the benefits of being the most acclaimed Scrab hunter in Equestria
>And, it could be worse, it could be pickles
>You kind of feel sorry for picklehead
>All that vinegar, he must be shitting constantly
>You pop breakfast in the microwave and step outside to get the morning paper, noticing Raritan stutterstepping his way toward the drug store
Yo Raritan.... Y'all right?
>He scowls and continues walking
>You'd normally stop at that, but he's fun to piss off
>As he walks away, you shout at him:
BRO, I WARNED YOU ABOUT BAREBACK WITH RARITY.
>'PISS OFF, SCRAB!'
>You chuckle, and head back inside
>Raritan's a nice guy, but he can't say no to that marshmallow ass
>Speaking of....
>Your neighbor's door explodes outward and Sweetie Bell runs out
>'That's an exit only, Slasher!'
>'NOT TODAY IT ISN'T'
>She keeps running, and Slasher runs after her, a Freaky grin on his face
>You had no idea this lunatic lived so close to you until a few days ago
>Apparantly, all the weirdos live around Seaddle
>You shake your head violently, attempting to clear it
>ANYWAYS....
>You grab some paper and a pen and put together a list
>Next on your to-do list is to get together with Jibber and Driver and discuss why the hell you guys are doing so poorly in the Best Human Contest
>Then to Disc's house to apologize for making it sound like he had an anger problem
>Then to Clever Dicks, Alex's and Cogs, to explain that you wanted to make fun of them too but you couldn't come up with any good ideas
>After that, Wuten invited you over for dinner;  three guesses as to what he was making
>The rest of your day was going to consist of singing 'Con te Partiro' at random intervals and watching p0nies run off crying
>You finish the list, and the microwave dings
>Cakes are done
>You're halfway through the first one when you're interrupted by a knock at the door
>Confused, you answer the door and are greeted by Fluttershy
>She doesn't look too good today
>'C..can I come in?'
>You stand aside, letting her inside
>You've been helping her out with coping with Anon's disappearance
>It's been about six months, and she's been taking it pretty hard
>Tea usually helps, though
>You put the kettle on, and sit down next to her
>She puts her arms around you and starts to quietly sob into your chest
>'I... I miss him so much, Scrab....'
I know you do, Hon
I'm sure he misses you too
>You glance at your watch to check the date and time;  by your count Anon began free-fall three hours ago
Probably more than you think
>She continues to cry
>You hold her until the kettle begins to shriek, and you pause to pour the tea
>You hand her the cup, and she stares gloomily into it
>'...Scrab?'
Yeah?
>'Is it okay if we could hang out today?'
>'I really don't want to be alone right now.....'
>You reach over and put a hand on her hoof
>You smile
Of course we can
>You pull her in for a hug, and she cuddles up next to you, thankful for the sympathy
>Behind her back, you stealth your to-do list off the table, and discreetly crumple it up
>These things can wait