(Side note: any words in a sentence with all caps has extra emphasis on it. They aren’t screaming that.)
>Day sarcasm in Equestria.
>You are Anon.
>As the suns warm rays caress your cheek gently, you slowly wake, and roll over in an attempt to return to slumber.
>The grass itches your nose a bit, and your reach up and scratch your nose a bit.
>Wait, what?
>You scramble to your feet, and quickly scan your surroundings in search of the yellow menace.
>All you see are birds, squirrels, and a few deer.
>Looking back down at yourself, you find a small note taped to your chest.
>“Hey Anon, is sex in the wilderness your fetish?”
>Seeing no sign of Fluttershy, you crumple the paper and begin to mill around.
>No mares in sight around means no >rape.
>And all calm and no >rape makes Anon a happy boy.
>A rustle from the bush next to you stabs that happiness in the kidney and kicks it in the balls.
>A pair of teal eyes peers out, and you instinctively cover your crotch.
>Keeping eye contact, you slowly back away.
>Just don’t blink and you’ll be fine.
>Just don’t blink
*blink*
>Fluttershy is now hurtling towards you at breakneck speeds. For her.
>In reality, she’s putting towards you at about a walking pace.
>”Y-you’re going to love me! I-if that’s alright…”
“No Fluttershy. Just…no…”
>You turn and begin to jog away, leaving her behind. She attempts to catch up, but just ends up going slower.
>Bit sad really.
>As you continue on your way, you notice the scenery changing quickly.
>What was once mostly forest was not turning into large fields. Animals frolicked around, the birds chirping.
>Was quite peaceful.
“Ya know, this could actually be a worthwhile fetish attem-WOAAHHHHH!”
1/?
>You fall forward, and tumble into a large hole.
>Landing on your back with a thud, and your vision swims.
>You swat away the small Derpy’s flying around your head, and slowly sit up.
>Groaning, you take note of your surroundings.
>The walls are smooth stone, showing no clear way up. On one side however, is a 2x4 with the words “Welcome to the Sarchasm” burned into it.
>Groaning, you attempt to stand, but fall right back on your ass.
>Looking at your leg, you see a bit of bone sticking out of it. The flesh is parted around it, and blood has begun to leak out.
“Oh, this looks FINE. I’m SURE I won’t need medical attention!”
>Groaning, your slowly pull yourself towards the nearest wall, and lean up against it.
>Looking up towards the hole that you fell through, you see Fluttershy stick her head through, searching around for any sign of you.
“Oh boy! You’re JUST the pony I wanted to see!”
>She smiles a bit, and begins to flutter down to you. “Oh thank g-goodness mister! I thought you might’ve been hurt!”
>You motion towards your leg.
“Oh YEAH. I’m just FINE.”
>She touches the floor, and quickly moves to your leg. “Oh my gosh! Are you alright? Does it hurt?”
“Of COURSE I’m fine. I can TOTALLY walk!”
>She looks down, and hides behind her mane. “I’m sorry that I upset you…do you want me to kiss it and make it feel better?” Her eyes get a little spark of rape in them.
“Of COURSE! You’re my FAVORITE p0ny of all! I would NEVER reject your advances!”
>She frowns a bit, and steps back. “I’m not sure I like your tone mister!”
>You give her a dirty look.
2/?
“OH! Well I’m sorry! It’s all MY fault I fell into this hole in the middle of nowhere!”
>She flits upwards, glaring at you. “Well fine mister! You can just stay here while I go get help then!”
>You groan, and attempt to stand.
“Oh NO. Don’t leave without ME! Im SURE you could carry us both.”
>She gives a little “Hmph!” and flies back out the hole.
>Sitting back down, you contemplate your options.
>You could cry.
>You could contemplate the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
>You could make making man-pesto with a meat pestle.
>You give a sigh, and undo your pants.
“I sure do LOVE passing the time.”
3/3
I’m still alive, just writing real slow.
Remember: I’m always watching
[spoiler]All the homo[/spoiler]