The continuing adventures of Anonymous and Larry!
Today’s adventure; Grocery Shopping!
-
>”You ready man?” Larry asked you quizzically, wiping his brown hair over his tan coat.
>You had managed to bathe and shave yourself while he kept watch, but you were still wary of leaving the house.
>What if they all ganged up on you? The two of you couldn’t defeat the whole town with just his briefcase.
“I dunno…but we’re out of food, so we have no choice.”
>The two bottles of cola you had shared were the last edible item in the house.
>Sure, the couch cushions could be a somewhat-bland substitute if you were in dire need, but you had Larry now.
>You reach down and strap on your FSR Emergency brand Anti-Rape Boots that Larry had given you as a protection-warming gift.
>They protected against three different kinds of bodily fluids, and could withstand up to 4,000 cunt punts.
>Or so the tag said.
>Standing, you sigh and start unlocking the door.
“This is the first time I’ll have left the house in about a week, so forgive me for my mole-like attitude once we’re outside.”
>You shoot him a grin and he chuckles a bit.
>”Don’t worry man, let’s just get your food and get back here.”
>He hovers his briefcase onto his back and stacks up behind you as the last lock clicks open.
>You crack the door and start to peek out, then yank your head back in.
>”Anon?!” Larry asks in alarm.
“Don’t worry, it’s just a bit bright.”
>Waving him off, you take a deep breath, and swing the door open.
>Raising an arm to block out the sun you step outside.
“Fucking Christ! When was the last time I mowed the lawn?”
>Your yard had turned into a knee high forest of weeds and spots of dandelions, damn near swallowing your mailbox in its grassy clutches.
1/?
>”I was going to mention it to you eventually, but getting you a hug seemed higher on the priority list,” Larry explains.
>As you both make your way onto the main cobble road you try to relax and walk like a normal person, but fail miserably.
>Being cooped up in your house for ages had rendered you blind, and being on the defensive had given you an ugly hump.
>You kept your arms pinned tight to your chest and walked with short quick steps.
>You walked like a retard to be quite frank, and Larry noticed.
>”Relax man.” He patted your shoulder. “I’m here and won’t let anything get to you, okay?”
>You laugh a bit and begin to walk somewhat closer to normal, straightening your posture.
“What are you, my mom?”
>You both chuckle and make your way into town.
>You feel eyes upon the both of you and keep your guard up, but do your best not to show it.
>It was fine he had your back, but better safe than sorry.
>As you approach the grocery Lyra trots out of her house, sees you, and quickly scuttles over.
>”Anon!” she calls out, and Larry immediately, yet subtly moves to your other side acting as a barrier between you two.
>”Class?” he mutters to you.
“Two at most.”
>Lyra approaches with a grin, little to no lust in her eyes. “Hi Anon, haven’t seen you around town lately! Something wrong?”
>You don’t say anything and gesture towards Larry.
>Her gaze moves to him, but her smile stays. “Hi there, who’re you?”
>He coughs and straightens his tie. “My name is Lawful Fury, and I’m Anonymous’ body guard from now on.”
>Her smile falls, and she looks back to you.
>”But why do you need a body guard Anon?”
>You stare silently back.
2/?
>”Was it for last week’s misunderstanding? C’mon, it was a joke! Don’t get all ruffled up.”
>She tries to brush past Larry, but he brings up a hoof and stops her.
>She grins at Larry. “C’mon, we both know he wanted it. Let me apologize and you can watch?”
>You see his eye twitch and his horn glow.
>The jump rope the fillies were using down the street is surrounded in a magical aura, and is yanked down the street.
>It catches Lyra’s hooves in the middle and both ends swing around viciously fast, and she lets out a frightened yell.
>The rope yanks tight, and she falls on her side with her legs hog tied in the jump rope.
>”Wha-? The heck Anon! I just wanted to say sorry! Tell your asshole friend to untie me!”
>You chuckle and fist bump Larry.
“Nice one man.”
>”Yeah dude, but let’s get going. We’ll have attracted attention, and I’ve assaulted two horses in two days. A posse will descend soon, and I don’t want to be around when they do.”
>You nod and turn to leave, but Lyra grabs your ankle in her magic.
>”You ain’t going anywhere lover boy, not until I get that dick as an apology.”
>You walk towards her and crouch, and she grins a lustful smile.
>”Giving i-oooooaaaah!”
>You flicked her horn as hard as your middle finger could, and her magic fizzles out.
“Let’s move. We have four minutes before her horn can work again.”
>As the two of you jog down the street you hear Lyra howl in anger, and you fight a laughing fit.
>God you hadn’t had this much fun in ages.
>Sticking to alleys you finally make it to the little grocery and enter through the sliding doors without a word
3/?
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFbKKsEoQNg
>The place was relatively empty, but luckily the cashiers hadn’t turned to see you.
>You grab a cart, but Larry motions for you.
>He hops into the empty cart, ignoring your snort of laughter, and motions for you to continue.
>You begin to browse the aisles for food.
-
>”Don’t get those Derpy-O’s, I’m allergic to blueberry. Get chocolate.”
“But it’s just candy for breakfast.”
>He leans out and grabs it. “But it has a prize.”
“Fair enough.”
-
>”Nozz-a-la? The fuck kinda soda is that? Get normal Poke-a-cola man.”
“They taste the same, and it’s a million times cheaper.”
>”God you’re weird.”
“Stuck with me now asshole.”
-
>”You know skim milk is better for you, right?”
“2% tastes better.”
>”Whatever. Just get some chocolate sauce for it.”
-
“You care what apples we get?”
>”I prefer Braeburn myself.”
“Really? I pegged you as a Granny Smith guy.”
>”Nah.”
“Oh.”
-
>”Can I get a lolly on the way out?”
“What are you, twelve?”
>”What are you, my mom?”
“Fair enough.”
>As the two of you take your packed cart up to the counter the green cashier coated pony immediately perks up.
>”Hello sir! How are you~”
“I’m fine, though you might want to end that in a question next time or Larry will deck you with this can of peas.”
>”What?”
“Nothing.”
>The pink mare starts to scan your groceries, albeit seductively.
>She tries to at least. Ever seen someone sexily scan a box of toothpaste? Exactly.
>With your food paid for, and a parting “Call me! I have 7 holes and all of them are available!” from the sales mare, you head for the doors.
>They’re oddly dark for a sunny afternoon though…
>As the two of you exit, you see a crowd has formed around the door.
4/?
>Every single one is a mare you’ve turned down, rejected, or outright punched, and they’re all salivating heavily.
>”Anon!” they all scream and lunge.
>You burst into action, and begin sprinting towards the crowd with the cart.
“Get something out of that briefcase Larry! We’ll need it!”
>As you crest the first wave of horny horses Larry pulls a pellet gun out of his briefcase and begins to fire it into the crowd
>As hooves paw your back you keep running, stepping what you hope isn’t more than those specified three bodily fluids.
>As you begin to pass the crowd, you realize what Larry is doing and slap the gun out of his hands.
>”The heck man, I’m saving you!”
“We’re not making them blind you dick.”
>As you pelt down the street, Larry pouting in the cart, you see Lyra still bound by the jump rope ahead
>”Anon!” she cries, “you came back!”
>You smile and nod, and pour on extra steam.
>She realizes what you’re doing a second too late.
>You plow over her, the wheels squishing her eye balls out her skull before they elastically bounce back.
>It as funny in a cross kind of way
>She screeches after you as Larry cackles in the cart.
>As the house comes into view you glance back, and your stomach falls.
>The entire crowd was sprinting after you, Lyra head of the pack.
>The cat calls would’ve made the whore who sits in the box outside of town blush.
>”What do we do Anon? We got a big crowd!”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got a plan!”
>”And that would be?”
>You viciously shove the cart into the weedy front yard while at the same time yanking Larry out of it.
>Panting you run past the front porch into the backyard towards the shed.
5/?
>Shouldering the door open you grab two paper bags and yank one onto Larry’s head before pulling the other upon yours.
“Say. Nothing.”
>You walk back outside and point vaguely off to the left.
>The thundering of hooves gets closer, and the cat calls grow louder.
>Taking a deep breath, you stare into the darkness of the bag.
“They went that way!”
>You aren’t trampled.
>And you aren’t raped.
>The noise begins to lessen, then turn to a slight whisper, then disappear entirely.
>You hesitantly lift up the paper bag and peek out.
>Your yard was empty, and your dick was safe.
>Sighing you yank the bag off and fall down on your ass.
>Fuck you were tired.
>Larry pulls his off and stares at you.
>”The fuck was that?”
>You hold up the bag.
>Drawn on the front of it in crayon is two googly eyes and a horn, with the words on the bottom “Not a human.”
>“And…it worked.”
”Yep.”
>”And our company hasn’t patented this already?”
“Welcome to use it man.”
>You stare into the sky, and your breathing starts to level out.
>”You know, for the first day, this was rather exciting.”
“Didn’t scare you off?”
>”No,” he chuckles. “You owe me a new pellet gun though.”
“Pffff.”
>You share a laugh and stare at the clouds for a while longer.
>Today was a good day, with a good end.
 
[spoiler]”WHAT THE FUCK, THEY TRAMPLED THE FOOD!”[/spoiler]
[spoiler]>"Calm down man-"[/spoiler]
[spoiler]"FUCK THAT, I'LL KILL EM!"[/spoiler]
[spoiler]>"Christ why do I work for you..."[/spoiler]
6/6