>Walking down the dirt road, you finally come to the house among the open fields
"Don't fuck this up now, this guy needs your help."
>Taking a deep breath, you secure your briefcase and trot up to the front door.
>You knock twice and wait
>The curtains on your right jerk open and then quickly jerk shut, keeping the occupant from sight
>You hear what seems to be 20-30 locks being unlocked, and the door swings open
>The human standing before you-the only one known in existence- grabs you by the horn and yanks you inside
"Ah! Not the horn man!"
>He swings you onto the couch and begins frantically locking the door again
>When he finishes, he sighs and turns back to you
>He doesn’t look well at all; heavy bags are nestled beneath his eyes, his face is unshaven and his hair is a mess, and he smells like he hasn’t bathed in at least a week.
>"Sorry man," he explains, falling into the Lay-Z-Pony chair across from you. "This horse keeps trying to get me to fuck her."
>Setting your briefcase on the table, you click it open
"That's exactly what I'm here to talk about Mr. Anonymous."
>He eyes you warily. "You aren't working for her, are you? Some kinda lawyer suing for penis privileges?"
"Oh no sir, my name is Lawful Fury, or as my friends say Larry, and I'm here to ask you one question."
>He sighs and begins to rub his temples
>"Goddamnit, I let in a time share guy..."
>Reaching into your briefcase you pull out a pamphlet and float it over to him.
"Not at all sir! I'm here with Flutterrape Emergency Services, and I was wondering if you would like to apply for coverage."
>He reaches over and picks up the company pamphlet and begins reading as you begin "The Sell"
1/?
"Recently formed, our company specializes in cases like yours. We recognize that some mares just can't take 'no' for an answer, and with the Gender Ratio as it stands, it can be very difficult to garner support or aid. I’m here on behalf of my company because we’ve heard about your current situation and want to help.”
>He looks up. “And what exactly could you do for me Larry?”
>Standing up, you walk over to his armored door.
“Well, judging by your door, we can’t do that much!”
>You chuckle a bit, but he just stares blankly back.
“Alright, bad joke. But what we provide is security and response. You choose what kind of plan you want, whether it’s simply a specialized home or a full security team living under your roof, and we provide a tactical response to any threat to you.”
>Flipping the pamphlet over a few times, he asks “I don’t see a price tag anywhere on here. How much do I need to pay for security?”
>You walk over and lightly take the pamphlet out of his hands
“That’s the best part. Once you’re case is passed by our committee to determine if you’re truly at risk, all coverage is free! No bit out of your bag. We’re funded by donations, volunteers, and special grants we apply for with our science committee.”
>”And you’re not shitting me? This is real protection that I can receive for free?”
“No Anonymous, I’m not kidding. We can keep you safe and sound. That’s why we found you; no one should ever have to suffer from this horrid treatment.”
>As he stares at you, his eyes begin to well with tears
>He leans forward, grabs you in a tight hug, and begins to cry into your shoulder
>”Thank you! Thank you so much!”
>Patting his shoulder, you push him away and wipe tears off his face
“We’re here to help Anon. In any way we can.”
2/?
>Floating a box of tissues over to Anon, you begin to pull out various forms from your briefcase and set them on the coffee table
“Now Anon, in order to receive proper protection you’re going to need to pick out a proper plan, which means you’re going to have to sign some papers.”
>He walks over and sits next to you and begins to read through the stacks
>”Well what are my options? I mean, a squad of ex-military guys seems a bit extreme, you know?”
“Well, that’s why our approval rating is so high. We let the client decide what kind of protection he wants.”
>Sitting back, he stares at the ceiling
>”Well, you guys should know this already, but most of the mares in this town, and a few stallions, want to get in my pants. Some are even Celestia’s little cock socks.”
“Well, we have been informed that some famous persons were making attempts, but is it true that the entire town is out for your...*ahem* assets?”
>He barks out a short laugh. “I’m afraid so Larry.”
>You sit back, dazed
“Jesus man…we heard it was bad, but really?”
>”Mmm hmm. So, what kind of protection would the fellas at FSR Emergency Services recommend?”
>You sit thinking for a moment. An entire town of possible assailants? There hadn’t been any sort of real plan for that kind of situation, it was just too ridiculous
>Anon stands up and grins. “You want something to drink man?”
>You nod and follow him into the kitchen
“Well, the guys in Research and Application have never worked with an entire town of possible assailants, it’s never been a serious threat. We’ve had four to six risks at any given time at most…”
>He tosses you a cola and takes a swig of his own
>”Call them what they are Larry; rapists. Every stinkin’ one in this town has made an attempt at one point or another.”
“Well, the ex-military guys are more for response than security, but I suppose we could have a detail stationed out here with you 24/7-“
3/?
>He sets his cola down and begins shaking his head
>”Nah nah nah, I’m not having a group of veteran fighters staying under my roof. They’ll slight my throat in my sleep thinking I was a Charlie in the brush or somethin’.”
>Taking a sip of the soda, you hop up onto his kitchen table and pop a squat
“Well, at this point I would have to send a telegram back to HQ and see what they have to say before anything is put in place.”
>You grin at him
“Can’t let a lowly peasant make a decision for a king, eh?”
>You both share a small laugh, and sit for a moment in the silence
>”Larry?”
“Yes Mr. Anonym-“
>”Anon, man.”
“Yeah Anon?”
>”If you’ve gotta go get word from the boss…does that mean I’ll be alone again?”
>Looking over, you see he’s got tears in his tired eyes
>”I would understand…but I don’t know if I could last much longer on my own. I’ve barely slept 4 hours this past week, and teasing me with safety and then yanking it away…that’s cold man.”
>Ah shit…you weren’t well trained in the whole protection detail…you’d stayed around for a week before transferring to sales
>Maybe you could get Phil from Canterlot to pop down for a bit…
>”Larry, this is gonna sound hokey and gay…but could you stay here tonight and watch me?”
>Looking at him out of the corner of your eye, you see he’s being serious
>Shit, you didn’t really intend to be in the protection detail, sales was much cushier with better pay and less risks
>But this guy needed it, and company policy did dictate you do your best
>Besides, this Anon guy was seriously strung out
>So strung out he might even make an attempt on his life if he didn’t get help soon
“Well…I’ll talk with the higher ups…”
>His face falls
“…but sure man. I’ll stay with you until we get a real plan ready.”
>He grins and punches your arm lightly
>”You fucker, leading me on like that! Almost made me cry again!”
4/?
>He leans in and hugs you, and you hesitantly return it
>A quiet three knocks come to the door, and his hug becomes a vice grip on you
>”Fuck…that’s her. That’s the worst one, comes here every damn morning asking what my fetish is.”
>Squirming out of his grip, you peer out the curtains
>A yellow mare stands in front of his door, sporting what looks to be…
“Is that a strap-on?”
>He shudders and crawls under the coffee table
>”She’s relentless man, every day she comes by.”
>Straightening your tie, you approach the door
“Not for long.”
>You reach into your briefcase and pull out the standard issue can of mace given to your class of salesmen
>Fresh Wasabi flavor should scare this one off for the day
>Undoing the multitude of locks, you swing the door open and level the can at the yellow ponies face
“You have 5 seconds to exit my clients property or I will empty this can onto you.”
>She gives you an odd look, then peers around you.
>”Listen, I’m here for Anon, so if you could just get him for me, that’d be great.”
“One.”
>She tries to worm past you, but you levitate your briefcase over and bump her chest with it, getting her back onto the porch
“Two.”
>She yells into the house “Anon! Y-your mean friend is hurting me!”
“Three.”
>Glaring, she tries to fly over you
>You quickly float the briefcase up and hit her head with it
>Not so much of a smash as a light smack
>She lands rear first on the mat and begins to weep
>”Anon! W-w-w-where are you! I j-j-just wanted to talk!”
“Four.”
>The water works halt immediately, and she stares you dead in the eyes
>Her pupils dilate, and you feel a strong, almost astral force press around you
>”You won’t empty that can on me, will you?”
>You hear Anon quietly cry “Oh god…it’s over…I knew I couldn’t really be safe…”
“Five.”
5/?
>Her eyes widen a split second before the nozzle depresses, and it made it all the more painful for her
>The brunt of the green, strong smelling spray goes directly into her eyes, and before she can even shut them it begins to build up
>You’d had it used on you in your week of security training, and you knew an eyeful would hurt
>This bitch would probably go blind, and it made it all the better
>She screamed and slammed her lids shut, tears already pouring out, but you keep spraying
>It begins to coat her muzzle, and she finally starts to bolt from the porch, purple strap-on still swinging obscenely from between her legs
>All of this took place in the span of about 3 seconds, and you and Anon enjoyed every one
>As she flew off, crying and corkscrewing around, you begin the tedious process of relocking the door
>Anon crawls back out from under the table and begins to laugh with glee
>”Oh man! That was great! Holy shit, I’ve never seen pepper spray work on her, but that? Oh fuck man, she’s gonna be blind for a week!”
>He collapses on the floor giggling, and you smile
>This was the best part of this job
>Making the clients happy
>As he stands up, wiping a tear from his eye, he gives the biggest smile you’ve ever seen
>This was a smile of pure joy and happiness from a man who hadn’t felt that in a long while
>”I’m gonna enjoy having you around Larry. I hope you have fun with me too.”
>You smile back
“You know Anon? I think a vacation from the sales department is just what I need.”
6/6