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|    Looking for the archived update with all the spelling errors,   |
|    lore discussions, shitposts, and images of cute cartoon         |
|    horses? Follow this link:                                       |
|                                                                    |
|    https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/24081412/#24085776               |
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>”Anon, visual?” You hear Twi’s voice crackle on the radio.
>You’re currently too busy literally FLYING in a literal MECH to pay attention to the squakbox.
>You might even have a boner right now.
>”Anonymous!!”
“Oh sorry. No visual copy ten-four frosty!”
>You hear Twi groan at your sinful misuse of brevity code.
“How’s Trixie doing, by the way?”
>”TRIXIE IS FINE,” replies a strained voice. “IT’S JUST HARD TO COMB FOR A SPECIFIC ENTITY IN SUCH A LARGE RADIUS.”
>Few minutes ago, the three of you left Twilight’s lab.
>Twi drove out of the garage in a plain old truck that happened to have lots of sophisticated equipment bolted on.
>Trixie rode shotgun, using her magic to track the alicorn avatar.
>You in your 12-foot mech that’s apparently flight-capable.
>”I FEEL SOMETHING, DEAD AHEAD. IT’S GETTING CLOSE—”
>You barely dodge a scalding hot rainbow beam.
“Shit!”
>It’s followed by another, then another.
>You get busy dodging a hail of rainbows.
>”Anon, incoming! Approx source bearing 261 for 3, angels low”
>You begin wonder if Twilight is enjoying the whole milsim thing a too much.
“Math-whiz to Twi, I’m too busy getting shot at and I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL ANY OF THAT MEANS.”
>”... West of us, 3 miles out, low altitude.”
“THANK YOU.”
>You upend your suit into a steep dive to gain some speed. You’ve got to get your bearings and escape this barrage.
>West is... that way.
>Oh, and there’s the floating horse head wrapped in a rainbow tornado.
>It looks like an incredibly perverse ice cream cone.
>You pull up sharply and max out the throttle.
“I see it! Next to the docks. I’m heading there now.”
>”Trixie, reference contrail bearing—“
>”TRIXIE IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, MISS SPARKLE.”
>”—You casuals have zero radio discipline. I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the High Society Guard, and—”
 
 
- - - - - -
 
 
>You are Sunset Shimmer.
>You and five others are riding in your van, which looks tragically like something kids would expect free candies from.
>Fluttershy is riding shotgun, humming gently in a trance.
>”It’s stopped moving. The air’s moist, but the ground is hard. Head towards the docks,” she intones.
>Dash and Pinkie are sharing a massive sandwich.
>You wonder if they ever stop eating, and how they manage to stay so fit.
>Applejack is fast asleep behind them. Next to her is a heavily armed bank robber.
>Well, technically you haven’t seen Rarity rob any banks.
>Yet.
 
“Rarity?”
>She looks up from fiddling with the bolt of her rifle.
“I don’t mean to intrude on your personal life, but—“
>”Then don’t, darling.”
“—body armor? Assault rifle? Where did you even get the grenades??”
>”What? A lady can’t uphold the Second Amendment and look fabulous at the same time?”
>She whips her perfect indigo hair with a scoff.
>Applejack opens her eyes halfway, and mouths ‘showoff’.
“No, it’s just that the alicorn avatars tend to be... insubstantial beings of energy. And they tend to be impervious to kinetic attacks”
>Rarity considers this.  
>”Well, what about wild animals gone crazy? Rioting ruffians? Changelings? A lady must be prepared for ANYTHING, darling.”
>You get the sudden urge to slam your face into the steering wheel.
“Changelings? Rarity, the portal to Equestria is—“
 
 
- - - - - -
 
 
>Destroyed.
>Few months before the six of you vanquished The Dazzlings, a severely injured Twilight appeared out of the portal.
>The six of you were there.
>She handed a tattered briefcase containing the Elements of Harmony to you.
>Her lavender hair missing in huge chunks.
>”Surprise...attack...” were her last words.
>Her body reverted to its pony form before disintegrating into ash.
>Teary eyed, everyone decided that the portal must be destroyed.
>Whatever was powerful enough to overrun Equestria cannot be allowed to cross it.
>The Earth stood absolutely no chance.
>So, you made a judgement call. The six of you hammered it down into a rubble in no time.
>It hit Rainbow Dash the hardest.
>The Element of Loyalty, left unable to avenge her friend.
>She cried and howled for days.
 
>When The Sirens arose, you had to play the role of the Element of Friendship.
>The conduit through which other Elements channeled their powers.
>You were inadequate for the role.
>The six of you almost lost your magic because of you.
>The Sirens were ripped to shreds.
>Scores of innocents killed by the rampaging avatar.
>Countless sleepless nights. Anxiety. Suicidal thoughts.
>You swore to dedicate your life to stopping the alicorn avatar, if it ever returned.
>Deep down, you didn’t want it to return. Wanted to believe it was gone forever.
>And yet, it’s—
 
 
- - - - - -
 
 
>”—here. It’s to our left.” Fluttershy hisses.
>Red light.
>Fuck the police.
>You take the intersection in a power slide, eliciting screams and yelps from your passengers.
>Gas pedal to the floor, and the van lurches forward with surprising agility.
>A man-shaped metallic thing zooms past overhead, dodging razor-thin beams of rainbow.
>That must’ve been Anonymous.
“Look lively, ladies. I think we’re slightly late to the party!”
>”Woohoo! A party!”
>You hear someone’s magazine locking into place.
>”Rarity, ah hope you’ve actually spent some time knockin’ cans with that thing.”
 
>You’re Anon.
>You’re really threading the needle right now with these rainbow beams.
>The avatar has stopped for now, but you aren’t quite sure for how long.
“Twi, I can’t keep this up. I hope you’re close.”
>She answers with a massive burst of rainbow arc, striking the avatar.
>”I’m on the other side of the docks. We need to cover both directions just in case.”
>The alicorn howls, and begins separating itself from the rainbow tornado.
>The torso and the wings are back. And the legs.
>It must be going into what your mecha animes call “battle mode.”
>”It’s going into a battle mode,” shouts Twi over the comm.
>A wave of rainbows start bursting from its horn.
>You fire your own wave to intercept them, before it pierces any bystanders.
>The dock workers are screaming and running, trampling each other.
>A massive cargo ship runs aground as a panicked crew abandons ship close to the shore.
>”Anon, this is Sunset,” you hear a new voice on the comm.
“Sunset! You’ve brought your friends, I hope.”
>”Yep,” she responds. “We’re with Twi right now. The defuser’s set up and we’re ready to steer the horse.”
>Good.
>You ought to finish this before the entire city kills itself in wild panic.
“Do your thing, magical girls.”
 
 
- - - - - -
 
 
>The Human Six begins glowing, and float into a circular formation.
>A beam of solid, pale light shoots out from them, plunging itself into the head of the alicorn avatar.
>It begins howling, and shoots out rainbow beams at the Human Six in response.
>From the opposite end of the docks, a 12-foot mech begins bombarding the horse with dual rainbow cannons.
>Twilight charges the defuser from a safe distance, rainbow beams shooting out of her gauntlets.
>Trixie begins shattering incoming rainbows with frightening intensity.
>Rainbows arcing everywhere.
>It’s honestly a lot more serious than it looks.
 
>Meanwhile, everyone not involved in this whole affair is losing their shit.
>An anonymous mech pilot thinks this looks something not entirely unlike the Godzilla evac scene.
>The giant horse begins galloping, trying to flee from the sudden onslaught of rainbows.
 
 
- - - - - -
 
 
>”THE TARGET IS MOVING, ANONYMOUS”
“Yes I can see that!”
>You wince as your mech’s rainbow power reserves dip low and begins drawing energy from you.
>The beam falters.
>The alicorn avatar stops, and lets loose a massive barrage of rainbows.
>You manage to dodge most of it, and parry the last one with a rainbow beam of your own.
>You hope Trixie managed to weather that one.
>”ANON, WITHOUT AN EXISTENTIAL THREAT THE AVATAR MAY CHOOSE TO HOLD ITS GROUND AND FIGHT INSTEAD.”
>Trixie’s voice is beyond strained.
>God, she must be exhausted.
>”Anon, you’re spent. It’s... I’m so sorry I dragged you into this.”
>Twi sounds heartbroken.
>You can’t let them down. Not like this.
“Thrusters.”
>Your mech propels toward the giant horse.
>You’ll finish this together, or die trying.
>”Anon, NO—“ Twilight screams.
>You pull the trigger, giving it all you’ve got.
 
>”It’s on top of the defuser!”
>Twi activates the defuser.
>The avatar howls as it and the tornado gets siphoned in.
>Goodbye, motherfucker.
>You cut powers to the cannons.
>You feel like you haven’t slept in ages.
>Is this how Twi felt after saving your ass?
>You get close enough to the rest of the party until you can’t power the mech anymore, and pull the emergency hatch release.
>The mech grinds to a stop, and drops you unceremoniously on the asphalt below.  
>You prop yourself up against the leg of the mech.
>A streak of white hair partially blocks your view.
>Whoa.
>Maybe the hair-turning-white-from-stress myth is actually real.
>You steady your breaths.
>It’s been one hell of a day.
 
>You wince as an armed thug puts her hand on your shoulder.
>”Are you okay, darling?”
>You put your hands up.
“Please, I don’t have my wallet with me,” you tell Rarity.
 
 
 
- - - - - -
 
 
>”IT WORKED! HORSESLAYERS, OORAH!”
>Trixie is hopping around like a bunny.
>The Human Six is cheering, a sense of closure finally at hand.
>Dash and Sunset look especially happier than others.
>You get back on your feet and hobble towards Twi.
“Twilight! You mad genius you!”
>She looks at you, then your hair.
>Her eyes are welling up.
>You extend your hand and grab hers, helping her down from the truck.
>She’s shivering with adrenaline.
>”Whoa—“
>You catch her mid-fall and settle her down on the ground gently.
>You’re fairly exhausted yourself, so it’s a bit of an endeavor.
>Twilight, an interdimensional monster hunter and adventurer, is shocked to silence.
 
>You extend your arms for a hug, hoping to reassure her.
>She slaps your arms aside.
>Before you can protest, she pounces, wrapping her arms around your neck.
>Her lips rendezvous with yours.
>Your arms wrap around her slender torso, pulling her in tighter.
>For the first time in your life, you find your emotions to be unquantifiable.
>After an eternity, she pulls away and strokes the side of your face with her calloused hand.
>”Don’t you EVER hurt yourself like that again.”
“I’ll try not to.”
>”Promise me.”
>You kiss her in promise.
>She breaks away for a moment, and whispers.
>”I’m still mad about you screwing up our chances at CanterTech, you know.”
>You say nothing.
>”It sucks, but I can always turn to the High Society for my intellectual needs. But you... you’re stuck here. I was so mad that you’d discard *your* chance like that.”
>You’re not sure what to say to that.
>She pulls you close, her lips close to your ear.
>”You’re the only constant of my equation. Please never change.”
 
>Everyone not involved in this love affair are losing their appetite.
>Disgusted faces, exaggerated gagging.
>All except Fluttershy.
>She squeals like a baby.
>This is just like one of her French romcoms.  
 
 
- - - - - -
 
 
>Dash interrupts.
>“Yeah, that’s disgusting and all, but what are we supposed to do about the “genie in the lamp” now?”
>Sunset gets to thinking.
>”Dash is right. We can’t exactly hand it to the proper authority, not that there *is* a proper authority for stuff like this—“
>”[oh, that’s where you’re wrong, girls~]”
>A loudspeaker shouts from above.
>It’s followed by the impact of massive grabbing claws, scooping up the defuser along with a chunk of asphalt.
>”What in the hay—“
>”[I’M the proper authority.]”
>Everyone looks up.
>Above, floating casually in the air, is a massive airship.
>Scratch that, it’s the bottom of a large ship.
>”A battleship? How—“ stutters Rarity.
>Massive turbofans are lining the side of the ship.
>Holy god almighty.
>The mathematician in you faints just thinking about the amount of thrust needed to keep that thing afloat.
>You notice the markings on the side of the hull:
 
F. Rich, Inc.
RSV Capitalism
 
>”Diamond Tiara,” Twilight growls.
>”[WRONG AGAIN, TWILIGHT,]” shouts the loudspeaker. “[What a great “friend” you are. Don’t you recognize the voice of your childhood friend and research partner? We’ve achieved so much, right up until you decided to chase that insipid limp-dicked quickie instead of SCIENCE!!]”
>You turn to Twilight.
>Her face is pale.
“You *know* this jerkoff?”
>”Knew,” she corrects you, then looks up.
>”Moondancer, relinquish the defuser. The avatar’s powers do not belong in this world.”
>Moondancer?
>”MOONDANCER!!!” roars Trixie, her eyes glowing pale blue.
>”Oh no, Moondancer,” whispers Sunset, hand covering her mouth.
>You get the feeling that this is going to get really bad, really soon.