The post that started it all: https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/24023624/#24024221   +————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————+ |                                                                    | |    Looking for the archived update with all the spelling errors,   | |    lore discussions, shitposts, and images of cute cartoon         | |    horses? Follow this link:                                       | |                                                                    | |    https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/24023624/#24024311               | |                                                                    | +————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————+   >You are Twilight. >Well, to be exact and to differentiate yourself from the other Twilights, you’re M-002. >or was it N-002? 2-002? >Doesn’t matter. >You’re currently too busy graduating to be worrying about your Twi Decimal Classification. >In fact, you’re absolutely overjoyed. >You don’t even care about how you’re sweating in your scratchy, uncomfortable gown. >Or the scorching sun. >Or the hard plastic lawn chair trying its damnedest to ruin your posture. >None of it matters, you’ll soon be free. >You can’t even begin to articulate how glad you are to be rid of this hellhole. >A brick-and-mortar dispensary of mediocrity. >The staff members were okay. >Buildings were new-ish. >The student body, on the other hand... >It’s been a wildly mixed bag of trendy jerkoffs ranging from “unbearable” to “idiot shitfucker” >You must admit, most were harmless. >Just a bunch of normies who wanted to chase trivial pursuits in peace. >At least they didn’t *actively* try to sabotage your academic endeavors. >Unlike that green-faced idiot who— >—deep breaths. >Happy thoughts. >You will seize this day and cherish it. >Freedom awaits you. >it’s only about two hours of speeches and accolades away from becoming yours >two hours >you briefly consider the feasibility of suicide by a lawn chair     - - - - - -     >you are Anon >there’s no need to differentiate yourself from the other anons because you’re not a raging autist >besides, you haven’t met the other anons in quite some time >but that’s irrelevant >you’re currently too busy despairing to be worrying about graduating >two hours of speeches and accolades >two. hours. >you briefly consider the feasibility of death by boredom, because this is looking more and more like it could happen >you had your trusty Nokia 3310 taken away from you by one of the teachers >”to keep you from being a disturbance,” he had said >no Snake, no Tetris >you are definitely going to perish here >shouldn’t this count as a cruel and unusual punishment? >could you sue the school for cruel and unusual punishment? >”NNGH!” >you’re snapped out of your self-pity by a dissatisfied grunt >high-pitched >probably someone two rows in front of you >maybe— >oh >Twilight.   >she looks just about uncomfortable as you are, fidgeting in that flimsy lawn chair >the same awkward Twilight you’ve known for so long >but she looks... different, somehow >well, yeah, she’s wearing the cap and gown so there’s that >it’s been a while since you’ve spoken to her, let alone seen her >almost a year, perhaps >her glasses aren’t taped up anymore >she ditched the old chucks for a newer pair >even her characteristic bun is held up more neatly >you can see hints of subtle eye-makeup even from this angle >as though hearing your thoughts out loud, she turns and looks at you >she’s modestly gussied up >and it’s working too well >your heart skips several beats in just a second >yep, definitely going to die today     - - - - - -     >you are Twilight >you’re currently staring at the green-faced idiot who— >your face turns into lava >you break eye contact and turn back >he looks... different, somehow >it’s been a while since you’ve spoken to him, let alone seen him   >a year and eighty-six days, actually >he’s cleaned up quite well, at least for the occasion >brand new chucks, just like yours >you blush at that >you always had been a sucker for those >bracelet you had given him for his birthday >it contained an RFID chip that let you track his movements, but you sort of “forgot” to mention that part >you two had been close friends since you met him at a Magic tournament   >you even held some... special feelings for him on occasion >but after what he had done, after that colossal fuck-up >you just couldn’t >it drove nails into your heart, but it was for the best >whether from out of guilt or apathy, he respected your wishes >not even a whimper >he “took it like a man,” you suppose   >you two stopped sitting next to each other in classes >no more lunches together >no more dimension-hopping together — that hurt a lot >you used to hold hands through portals because he was deathly afraid of losing you >how ironic that he did end up losing you, in a sense >through this brief reflection, you feel hot tears blurring your vision >oh no you don’t >not here, not now >it was only just, what you did >there’s nothing more to be said or done >your next stride will be forward >away from this place, away from him >preserve the momentum forward   >justifications aside, you let a pang of guilt choke you “it didn’t have to be like this, my dearest friend.” >a single drop of tear slips past unnoticed     - - - - - -     >you are anon >you just watched Twilight break eye contact, crimson-faced >you’re not quite sure how you feel about that >she’s probably still mad as hell >and who could blame her? >you’ve held some... special feelings for her on occasion >but after what you had done, after that colossal fuck-up >she had to let you go >it drove nails into your heart, but it was for the best >out of guilt and sympathy, you respected her wishes >you just couldn’t bear to watch her crumpled like that anymore >full of sadness and anger >you two stopped sitting next to each other in lunches >no m—   >”ANONYMOUS” >you groan as Trixie addresses you in her characteristically grandiose tone >”THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE DEMANDS TO KNO—“ “TRIXIE PLEASE yes how... great it is to be interrupted by you” >your sarcasm flies right past the blue autist’s head >she continues smugly >”OF COURSE, WHY WOULDN’T YOU BE? I AM GREAT AND POWERFUL AFTER ALL” >she’s a good friend of yours >and Twilight’s >but sometimes you reeeally wish she’d stop it with that third person gimmick “yes, you are indeed. now if you’ll excuse me—“ >“WHAT IS ANON DOING LOOKING ALL STARRY-EYED?” >now, THAT stops your tongue >how hard were you sulking if an autist noticed you doing it? >upon reflection, it doesn’t surprise you much >you WERE sulking pretty damn hard for a moment there >what does surprise you is what comes out of your mouth in response   “i’m lamenting the future I could’ve had with someone”   >well, it’s half-true >you’ve spent sleepless nights wondering how things would’ve turned out with her >years, or maybe a lifetime of happiness together >relationship or not you would’ve been one of her best of best friends >dating would’ve just been an icing on the Twicake >she was your dearest friend, precious and irreplaceable >until you fucked it all up     - - - - - -     >you are Twilight, two years ago >Anon is watching you typing away on the keyboard >”so uh, this is just like a usenet?” >he’s a smart guy, but sometimes you’re worried about how behind he is in technology “it’s so much more than just a mailing list, anon. it’s a digital ocean of KNOWLEDGE.” >just a few more table tags, and— “voila.” >you hit ctrl+s and upload the html file you and anon had been working on >well, it was mostly you >anon helped >that wicked looking wall of fire gif? his idea >rotating skulls? matrix text background? all his >that man had a keen eye for wicked sick designs >as soon as it’s done uploading, you refresh the website   -~:[ Welcome to the homepage of Twi and Anon! ]:~- /!\ this page is under HEAVY construction!!! /!\   >the radical looking matrix texts scroll in the background >absolutely beautiful. >anon whistles quietly >”you. i don’t know what i’d do without your mad HTML skills” >you allow yourself a smug little smile “well, you’d be failing your Web Design class, for one” >”h-hey! not fair” >you stick your tongue out playfully “what, not even a comment about how you’re carrying *my* ass in math? you make this too easy” >you aren’t really exaggerating >this guy could do circles around anyone when it came to math, even the teachers >on the other hand, you were more of an ‘applied math’ person >anon helped you with your homework a great deal >he was going to be a math whiz, and you were kind of jealous of that prospect >and a little turned on >you imagine him plotting your gaussian curves while naked >’s-solve me like one of your functions’ >you nibble on your lower lip involuntarily >anon breaks you out of your lewd trance with a poke >”Earth to Twi, ‘mirin your own work like that is a wee bit creepy” >he flashes that unbearably charming grin at you >you blush furiously “y-you idiot!”     - - - - - -     >you are anon, one year ago >Twilight is furious with you >”my perfect GPA, gone. just like that! you’ve ruined me!” >you hang your head in shame >you were a mediocre programmer >you only took the class because you needed the class credit as much as she did >you swore and assured her that you knew what you were doing >that you were “getting better at this shit like you wouldn’t believe” >so she took you in, took you for your word >and you fucked it all up   >”do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get into Canterlot Institute of Technology WITHOUT the automatic acceptance guarantee? thanks to you, now I have to compete with literal thousands of other applicants with below-perfect GPA! and without a project to show for it!” >all it took was a few misspelled variables and sloppy programming on your part >you got too lazy, got distracted by games >wasted time on MUD instead of checking your code >the project — all you had to do was replicate a cash register >thanks to you, you both failed the project >”I can’t believe this. I can’t fucking believe this!” >you’ve never heard Twilight curse out loud in public until now >she’s angry at you, at herself for trusting you >she knows she can’t turn back time, and it just crushes her >she paces several laps in front of you >”I-I trusted you, Anon! how could you do this to me? to us? nevermind my future, what about YOURS??” >that last bit breaks your heart into pieces >even with her predicament, she can’t help but worry about you >about your future >because she’s your goddamn friend >a friend who cares deeply about you >how could you have fucked up so badly? >she begins breathing heavily >panic attack? >you want to hold her, comfort her >tell her you’re sorry >instead you watch as she collapses on the floor and begins bawling >she doesn’t even seem to acknowledge that her classmates are staring at her >it’s not the pretty kind of bawling you see in your animes >this is a woman-in-distress bawling >she’s just had her future robbed from her >by you >you dun goofed, Anon >you feel absolutely horrible     - - - - - -     >you are anon, in the present >Trixie hasn’t stopped staring at you >that creep >the speech has been going on for a while now >honors this, honors that >a few students get to say their 10-minute piece >you’ve lost track of time >none of this matters to you right now >you can only think of Twilight >watching her break eye contact with you like that left you with a myriad of odd feelings >is she alright? >ceremony’s not boring her too much, hopefully? >does she... want to talk? >you know that what you’ve done is potentially irredeemable   >Twilight Sparkle, your friend >you’ve essentially betrayed her >would she ever look at you the same way? >would she ever consider you her friend again? >Trixie whispers at you >”IF IT’S MISS SPARKLE YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT, YOU OUGHT TO TALK TO HER AFTER THE CEREMONIES” >you can’t deny the autistic wisdom in her words “yeah, you’re right” >Twi’s clearly in need of receptive peers >someone she can just vent at >someone to hold her and ask her how she’s doing >someone who happens to be Anonymous >who’ll then tell her how sorry he is >let her pour it all out >he’d let her beat him up if it made her feel better >let her cry on his broad shoulder, even >Twilight, your dearest friend >maybe even give her a loving hug afterward >all the while stroking her deep lavender h— >”AND BY ‘TALK TO HER’ TRIXIE MEANS NOTHING CREEPY, ANONYMOUS” >you wish she’d stop interrupting your totally non-sexual platonic fantasies “why, i would never, Trixie.”     - - - - - -     >you are Twilight >you’re almost hoping for a divine intervention, rainbow power, anything >you’re not sure how much more of this ceremony you can stand >there’s got to be an end to the number of students with various “honors” >and what is up with all the shout-outs being read straight out of the yearbook? >as if forcing all seniors to buy the thing wasn’t torturous enough, they were reading passages from it >someone in the yearbook committee had a parent who had the school by the balls, you assume >Diamond something? her and something-Spoon >eat the rich >you *could* cause a ruckus to put an early end to this sham >after all, you never leave home without a complement of non-lethal grenades >flashbangs, sonic boooms, tear gas, hallucinogens >thanks, Twilight Science Fair surplus outlet >upon reflection, you think better of it >it’s so close to being over >you’d rather not get in trouble now >especially not if the opposition might be one of the richest families in existence >so, stewing in the heat it is   >just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, a loud static-like explosion echoes through the skies >clouds gather out of nowhere and conveniently block the sun >well, at least it won’t be so hot anymore >it all seems too familiar >you recall collecting a bunch of newspaper scraps on a similar event that happened at the school >the Portal Event >you had mountains of VHS containing every news broadcast about the incident you could scrounge up >low-res grainy footages in glorious 240p >something in you wants to disbelieve >this can’t *actually* be real >the collective, confused murmur of the crowd is quickly replaced with panicked screams as lightning arcs to the ground >grass begins to burn in patches >wind begins to howl menacingly and dangerously fast >something begins to swirl in the clouds >it spins faster, faster >until it takes the shape of a smooth, rainbow-colored cone >oh, it’s definitely happening >you’ve seen this before “I’ve seen this before”     - - - - - -     >you are anon >you’ve never seen this before “I’ve never seen this before” >you stand about stupefied, jaw unhinged >”TRIXIE HAS, AND THINGS DIDN’T END SO WELL LAST TIME. WE SHOULD CONSIDER FLEEING” >you agree with Trixie’s assessment >wisdom in autism, anon   >you pick up your jaw from the ground figuratively, and begin running towards the school buildings >lightning arcs everywhere like it’s hellbent on burning every last patch of grass on the field >Trixie trips and falls next to you >you desperately try to help her up “come on, Trix! we’ve got to get to th—“ >lightning strikes nearby >you are both thrown into the air like ragdolls >the air smells like burnt steam >the landing hurts like hell and leaves you breathless >a massive rainbow-colored translucent unicorn head appears over the rainbow cone “what in nine hells is THAT?” >suddenly, the funnel stops spinning >strips of rainbow-colored ribbons begin flying towards the crowd from the unicorn’s horn >it doesn’t look too harmful— >it impales one of the students in the chest and to the ground >she lets out a gurgled scream   >broken stage props and neatly sliced branches fill the air >oh god >holy fuck >you need to get the hell out of where >”ANONYMOUSE, LOOK OUT” >Trixie points at a several strips of rainbow hurtling in your direction >something feels broken and you can’t get up >you’re so boned “TRIXIE! I can’t get up, you need to save yourself” >”B-BUT” “NOW!” >you push her away >she begins sprinting towards the closest building, next to Twilight >at least your friends will be safe >you squeeze your eyes shut >this is it “I’m so sorry, Twilight”     - - - - - -     >you are Twilight >you’re surrounded by extradimensional shitstorm of death and destruction >also, you’re about to watch your friends meet their doom “ANON—“ >he pushes Trixie towards you >you notice him wincing >his ribs are probably broken >he closes his eyes and mouths something inaudible >the rainbow-colored ribbons are getting closer by the second >you recall the similar carnage documented by newspapers and tabloids >broken limbs and punctured torsos >grieving family members of the victims >you’re about to lose your best friend again >this time, probably irrevocably   >tears and rage tints your view in equal portions >you grit your teeth “not. this. time.”   >you begin running towards him >you pick up a length of pipe along the way, probably from a shredded chainlink fence >the paint on the pipe chips away explosively as you load it up with horrendous levels of otherworldly energy   >you’re glad that you never leave home without your powered gauntlets, as per someone’s advice >”neighajoules of rainbow power,” she had said >thanks, T-17 >time slows to a crawl as you face ribbons of incredibly lethal rainbow beams >breathe in through the nose >breathe out through the mouth >your heart beats maniacally >this is not a great idea >at all >this “parry stuff mid-flight” stereotype? >only works in one of anon’s favorite animes >but there’s nothing else you can do >you have to try >you’d rather lose a few limbs than lose Anon >save your friend >or die trying   >with a deft swing, you make a cut at one of the beams     - - - - - -     >you are anon >not even a second ago, you thought you were about to die for sure >but instead of death, you hear lightweight footsteps >there’s a hair-raising crackle followed by a hiss >it sounds like an extremely loud white noise >and then another >your eyes open “T-Twilight?”   >your heroine stands guard above you, looking severely cut up >she’s wearing some sort of metal gloves and holding a white-hot length of metal pipe >it’s crackling with some sort of rainbow-colored energy >not entirely unlike the radiant ribbon-like beam she is swinging at currently— >shit >you cover your eyes   >the beam explodes mid-flight like fireworks >she flinches as the sparks cut her up in several places >tufts of her lavender hair scatters in the wind >”I-I was right. rainbow power with the higher potential negates the lower one” >unbelievably, she smiles >”just like... your animes, right? heh heh.” >you cannot believe your eyes >she takes swing at another beam that flies towards you >you flinch as it explodes with similar effect >it leaves even more scars on your friend   >you feel absolutely helpless >Twilight was always the more courageous one >all of that dimension-hopping business >galactic monster hunts >you couldn’t even operate a firearm made on Earth >you’d whimper as she brazenly discharged her weapon >and here you were again, absolutely useless in a fight against entities you couldn’t comprehend >Twilight is literally dying to save you >you’re about to lose your best friend again >to a bunch of stupid rainbow beams and a gigantic unicorn head >tears and rage tints your view in equal portions >your grit your teeth, and get up “never. again.”