Prompt from Nebulus:
>"I never imagined that flour would be the dangerous in the wrong hooves!"
 
 
>Day Cookbook in Equestria.
>You are Anon, and are currently running late.
>With your alarm clock still broken from yesterday, you'd slept in.
>Sleeping in led to your whole schedule being thrown off, and even with skipping your shave, you were still twenty minutes late.
>Bursting through the door, you drop your hands to your knees, panting for breath.
"Sorry I'm late!"
>You let out a gasping wheeze, sucking down air.
"Alarm - broken - slept in - won't happen - again"
>Wiping the sweat out of your eyes, you look up.
>Pink Party Pone is standing there, a fluffy nightcap on her head, hot chocolate grasped in a hoof, and swaddled up in a green gown.
>She blinks.
>You blink back.
>Her eyelids flutter, jumping open and shut incredibly quickly.
>You blink again.
>"Silly Nonny, aren't we playing the winky-blinky-horse-code-game?"
"What? No? How do you pl - wait, nevermind. Where are the Cakes?"
>She smiles.
>Oh no.
>You walked right into that one.
>"Well some of them aren't cakes yet, silly-billy, and they're still in the flour packets, and then there's this one on the shelf that's just a decoration except it's hollow and full of jelly I hid there earlier. There's some doughnuts in the front counter, but only because nop0ny wanted them yesterday, and there's a some treacle tart, which isn't really a cake, because it's only really meant for one p0ny, not lots, like a cake, which I guess means that the doughnuts aren't cakes either, so maybe they're tarts too? And then there's on in my tummy that I had for breakfast, but you can't have that one, it's mine!"
>She rears back onto her hind hooves, flails her forelegs in the airs, and lets out a growl.
>"MINE! And no sneaky cake-thieves will steal it from me!"
"What? No! Dangit Pinkie, Mr and Mrs Cake! The ponies who run the shop!"
>She drops to the floor, and whisks her cup back into a hoof again.
>"They've gone on holiday. We've got the day off."
 
>She lets out a cute yawn, and takes a swig from the hot chocolate, balancing carefully on three hooves.
>"Did they forget to tell you? Or was that me? Let me see..."
>Lifting her other front hoof, she manages to stay balanced, and rubs her chin in thought.
"No. If you don't need me, I'm going back to bed."
>Turning, you go to leave, but a pink hoof wraps around your waist.
>"Nonny, you can't go back to bed now! It's happy day!"
"Happy Day? Seriously?"
>She nods, her head bouncing back and forth like a rubber ball.
>"Uh huh, that's why Mr and Mrs Cake took Pound and Pumpkin with them too! So they can all go visit the Happy Day carnival in Canterlot!"
"Yeah. Because Happy Day is totally a thing, and not just something you made up."
>"It's totally true! Princess Celestia made it up so that we could have a day for parties and carnivals and fetes and all sorts of fun!"
>You look down at Pinkie, narrowing your eyes in suspicion.
"And why didn't you go to this carnival thing too then? A carnival is like a giant party, and I thought you were THE party pony..."
>She sighs, and scuffs a hoof on the floor.
>Her hair deflates, and falls around her shoulders, acting like normal hair for once.
>"I'm not allowed in this year. They got upset because I got the batter and confetti trays on the party cannon confused."
>You bite your lip, trying to hold in laughter.
>Having seen the devastation Pinkie's cannon can cause when loaded correctly, you can just imagine what would happen if it was got wrong.
>"Princess Celestia told me I'm not allowed to use my party cannon unless nop0ny's around anymore."
>Her once bright smile curves downwards.
>And you will not have it!
>Pink Party Pones are supposed to be happy and bouncy and full of fun!
"Well... The Cake's aren't here, and, technically, I'm not a pony."
>Her eyes widen, and her lips start to quiver.
"Maybe... We could set up a party here?"
>Pinkie literally explodes in excitement.
 
>Actually literally, not just for effect literally.
>Clawing the confetti, steamers, and limp balloons out of your face, you fail to spot her.
>Suddenly, you are glomped from behind, the sudden weight causing you to sprawl forwards, tipping onto the floor.
>Pinkie is hopping and prancing on your back, giggling in delight.
"Mmnki, mmmmt mmphh!"
>She stops her bouncing, but stays balanced on your head, leaning over into your vision.
>"What was that, Nonny? I can't understand if you're speaking through the floor!"
>Letting out a sigh, you plant your hands at your sides, and push yourself up.
"Is anyone going to be free, or will they all be busy doing..."
>You sigh.
"Happy Day things?"
>Her hair, just starting to regain its bounce, starts to flop again.
>"Ohhh... Well you're not busy, and I'm not busy, so we can have a party just with the two of us!"
>It takes less than a split-second for you to make your decision.
>Pinkie does, after all, have some of the best social lubricants in P0nyville.
>Imported Vodka, from the USSG; fire and spicewines from the Dragon Oligarchy; krystal, from the northern Crystal Empire; and numerous other things you'd never have been able to imagine.
"Awesome! I need to go grab a new clock from town, do we need anything for later?"
>The fridge door slams open, boucning off the wall, and she pops out.
>"Yeperooni! We need bananas!"
>She grabs your ears, and stares deep into your eyes.
>Her blue eyes glaring into your soul.
>"Anon! You must remember the bananas!"
>You lift your arms, and grab her around the stomach, pausing for only a quick tickle.
>That prooves enough, and she starts to giggle, so you can lift her off and set her on the floor.
"Gotcha, bananas. Check."
>She rocks back and forth, tail wagging like an over excited puppy.
>"Anon! Why do you need a new clock?"
"Because there was no way I was ever touching it again."
 
---
>Clutching your new, clean, clock in one hand, and a huge bundle of bananas in the other, you gently kick the door open.
"Pinkie! I've got your bananas, where do you want them?"
>She lunges up off the floor, like a surfacing shark, nabs the end of the stems between her teeth, and stops in midair.
>Her smile is mostly obscured, but you can see the excitement on her face as she falls backwards, boinging around the kitchen floor.
>Dropping them on a counter, she leans down and emerges with a masher in one hoof, and a waxed moustache plastered to her upper lip.
>She lets out a maniacal laugh, and raises the masher above her head.
>"Now, Mr Banana, let's see what makes you tick!"
>A series of loud squelching noises fill the room as the masher descends again and again, pale flecks of banana spattering the room.
>Eventually, she pauses, chest heaving.
>"Still keeping it secret, I'll show you!"
>She leaps into the air, and pulls the masher back like a cricket bat.
"Pinkie!"
>She stops, and looks at you.
"It's the clock that's ticking. Not the bananas. They are - were, I suppose, fine. Just normal bananas."
>Floating gently to the floor, she quirks her head.
"...so you can stop beating them for info."
>Her eyes widen, and she lets out a gasp.
>"Oh, you must think I'm such a silly filly! That's not what I was doing!"
>Ducking again, she emerges with a black paperback in her mouth, which she hurls over to you.
>Catching it, you glance at the cover.
"The Anarchis... Pinkie, is bananadine actually a thing in Equestria?"
>Looking back at her, you see she has a smoking pipe filled with the yellow mush.
"Of course."
>Walking over, you swipe it off her mouth, and take a puff on it.
"Yoink! Sharing is caring!"
>Taking a puff, nothing happens.
>You try again, but still nothing happens.
>Pinkie snorts.
>You glare at her, and she pulls out a lighter.
>Of course.
>You can only smoke banana if you set it on fire.
>Why didn't you realise?
 
>Still giggling, Pinkie lights the banana, and you take a hit, before passing the pipe back.
>The taste of triangles fills your mouth.
>Listening carefully, you're quite certain you can make out the faint blue of sweet.
>Your tongue promptly turns into a crab, then scuttles out the window.
>A shake of your head, and everything seems back to normal.
>Your gaze falls back onto the book.
"Pinkie, why do you have book about overthrowing the government?"
>She leans against you, rubbing her head up and down your thigh.
>You grab an ear, and give her a petting.
>What?
>She's got smooth fur, and it feels awesome.
>Distracted, she can't asnwer your question.
"Pinkie!"
>She shakes her head, but continues to lean against you, content to have her ear fondled.
>"Viva La Resistance!"
>You smirk.
>"To overthrow the corrupt nobles and bor-jaw-zi, and place Twilight as Princess?"
>You shake your head.
>"They have really easy fireworks?"
"Do you have any?"
>"Do I? C'mon, let's go make some sky-flowers!"
>She grabs your hand, and pulls you upstairs, past the Cake's bedroom and into hers.
>Engineering blueprints line one wall, whilst another is set up as a target range.
>The third, apart from the door, is covered in shelves, holding bags of flour, bowls, sugar, and all sorts of decorating equipment.
>Opposite, the entire wall is one giant window, looking out over the whole town.
>Bounding over, Pinkie opens a portion of it, lifting the swinging glass against the ceiling.
>"Matches are on the top shelf, I'll grab the fireworks!"
>It takes less than a minute to find the giant box of matches, but Pinkie already has everything set up by the time you turn around.
>The party cannon takes pride of place, but the fireworks on either side are pretty impressive too.
"Sweet Celestia, this is gonna be awesome. Shouldn't we wait for dark though?"
 
>Pinkie nods, exuberantly, and the two of you spend the next several hours lying around her room, taking occasional puffs on the banana pipe.
>By the time you're through the mush, it's late afternoon, and you've both settled into a nice fugue.
>Whilst lighting the fireworks would be pretty cool, you're quite content to stay on the bed, stroking Pinkie's tummy.
>She lets out mild giggles every few minutes, and her hind legs twitches now and then, like she's trying to run.
>Eventually, the sun starts to set, and you poke her ribs.
"Pinkie... Pinkie! C'mon! Fireworks!"
>The two of you start grabbing armfulls of fireworks, and loading them into the party cannon, before pointing it skywards through the window.
>Pinkie passes you a pair of earmuffs, and you clamp them down.
>They don't fit, and they're actually made of two halves of a coconut and some duct tape, but you can get in the spirit of things.
>Giving her a thumbs up, you strike the match, and put it to the fuse.
>A gentle hiss fills the room, and she squirms under your arm, snuggling up against you.
>An earth-shattering BOOM breaks the near silence, and you both watch in awe as the cannon blasts the fireworks skywards.
>Five seconds later, the entire package explodes, spraying multi-coloured sparks for miles.
>Your jaw drops.
"THAT WAS SO AWESOME"
>Pinkie turns to you.
[spoiler]>"WHAT?"[/spoiler]
"WHAT?"
[spoiler]>"NONNY I CAN'T HEAR YOU"[/spoiler]
"MY EARS AREN'T WORKING, WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
>It takes a few minutes for the ringing in your ears to recede, but when it does, the two of you agree.
>You're doing it again.
>This time, both of you clamp hands (or hooves, in Pinkie's case) over your ears.
>Another BOOM, and the two of you are start giggling again.
>You are so lost in the excellence of your idea, you don't notice when you tip backwards, until you smack your head on the floor.
 
>Pinkie's giggles stop immediately, and she pounces on top of you, grabbing your head and searching the scalp for injuries.
>She lets out a relieved smile when you start giggling again, this time at the serious expression her face.
>You let out a puff of breath, trying to blow her mane out of your face.
>It's warm, soft, and smells like candy floss.
>"Nonny..."
>She lets out a soft breathe.
>It tickles your face, but you don't giggle this time.
>"I... I had so much fun today!"
>Her eyelids lower, and she gazes at you.
>You know that look.
>Having seen it most mornings from Fluttershy.
>But it doesn't seem quite as creepy, coming from Pinkie.
>She bites her lip, and leans in.
>"Umm... Excuse me?"
>Oh for fuck's sake.
>"B... but your fireworks are scaring the animals, and... if it isn't too much bothe-"
>Her voice cuts off suddenly.
>"GET YOUR HOOVES OFF ANON, YOU HUSSY!"
>Pinkie pulls back, and spins her head, glaring at Fluttershy.
>You, too, sit up, and fix her with a glare.
"Fluttershy, don't you have somep0ne to spend 'Happy Day' with?"
>She stares at you, wings beating feebly as she hovers outside, looking through Pinkie's open window.
>"N...nop0ny but you, Anon! Although mister Duck was showing me and all the other animals around his new house, it's so lovely! It has a view of the lake, and he can go swimming, and "
>You tune her out.
"Look, just go away, please?"
>Her eyes widen, and she frowns at you.
>"Well! I'll just have to get my animal friends to help you love me!"
>What?
>You look at Pinkie, but she seems as confused as you.
"What?"
>But Fluttershy's gone.
>As has your moment.
 
>Seconds later, the house shakes.
>You peer down, out of the window, and see Harry the bear pounding at the front door.
>C'mon!
>That's just unfair!
"Pinkie, we need to hide. Do something!"
>She just smiles, and lifts a blueprint off the wall.
>"Come on, Nonny! It's an escape hatch! I stash them all over Equestria for Escape Hatch Emergencies!"
>Without any other options, you follow her in.
>The hatch slams shut with a clang behind you, trapping you in...
>Trapping you in wherever you are now.
"Pinkie, where are we?"
>"We're in the Cake's storage room, see!"
>She clicks the lightswitch on, and you see that you are indeed in a storage room.
"Why are we in the storage room, Pinkie?"
>She laughs, and points at the door.
>"It's the only room with a lock on it, silly!"
>She's right, the door does have a lock.
>A very simple bolt.
"And why does the storage room have a lock on the inside, Pinkie?"
>"So Mister and missus Cake can hide from the babies and have some snuggle time!"
>She pounces into your arms, and starts nuzzling your neck.
"Pinkie... That lock won't keep out a bear."
>She nods.
"So how are we going to keep the bear out?"
>You try to ignore the mildly distracting feeling of Pinkie's tongue lapping at your neck.
>You should have listened to your dad:
>Never trust the plan of a girl off her crotch-tits on banana.
>He was an oddly specific bloke.
>When Pinkie doesn't give you an answer, you try to sort it out yourself.
>Placing a barrel in front of the door is about all you can do, but it might buy you a few seconds.
>The room shakes again, and Harry's roar is louder.
>He's in the house.
>"Anon! Sweetiepie! Come out come out wherever you are!"
"Pinkie! Now's not the time!"
>You lift her off, and drop her to the floor.
>Muted snuffling comes from outside.
>You hold your breath, but it doesn't work.
>The door rattles, and dust falls from the ceiling.
 
"Harry, you traitorous bastard! Leave us alone!"
>The door rattles again, and Harry's roar is from just outside.
>Pinkie suddenly perks up.
>"Anon! I have a plan!"
"It'll have to be a cunning plan to get us out of this."
>"It's as cunning as a fox!"
>This seems to be familiar.
>The Back and Forth stirs something in your memory.
>It hits you.
"No. I refuse to believe you know about this."
>She smiles.
>"And not just any cunning fox, Anon, but a fox that TAUGHT cunning! Perhaps even a professor of cunning!"
"What's your plan?"
>"My cunning plan?"
"Yes. Your cunning plan."
>Harry roars again, and smashes into the door. It creaks, and more dust pours from the ceiling.
>"So cunning you'll think Professor Fox came up with it?"
"Sure. What's the plan?"
>"Well he's huffing and puffing, so we'll blow this house down!"
"He's not a wolf, Pinkie."
>"And I'm not a piggy pig pig! But it'll work!"
>You throw your hands in the air, and let out a strangled shout.
"Sure, whatever. Let's just do it."
>Pinkie smiles at you.
>"Not in here, Nonny, the floor's all dusty!"
>You don't say anything.
>If you refuse to play along, maybe she'll get on with it.
>She pouts, but quickly starts bouncing around the store room.
>The box of matches is pressed back into one hand, and bucket into the other.
>A rope is pressed between your teeth, and you clamp down on it.
>Seconds later, Pinkie pulls the rope from out your teeth, and flips the bucket onto your head.
>"Are you ready Anon?"
"Ready for what?"
>She doesn't answer, but instead lets go of the rope, which sends it flying through a pulley system on the ceiling.
>A huge bag of flour drops, streaming contents behind it.
>It lands on the floor with a soft flump.
>...
"Was that it?"
>You turn to Pinkie, who has the bucket pulled down tight on her head.
>She peeks out from under it.
 
"Was something supposed to happen, Pinkie?"
>She grabs the matchbox from your hand, and shakes it.
>One falls out, and she grabs this in a hoof, before lighting it and throwing it at the cloud of flour.
>As she throws it, you figure out her plan, and dive backwards, snatching her as you do so.
>You fly through the air, before the flour explodes, smashing both of you through the back wall and out into the street.
>Within a minute, Sugarcube Corner is a raging inferno.
>Turning to Pinkie, you have to try not to laugh.
>Her mane and tail are slightly singed, and the both of you are covered in flour and dust.
>She looks like a slightly burnt marshmallow.
>Pinkie turns to look at you, and doesn't try to restrain her laughter.
>"You look like a ghost!"
>A whizz and a pop from behind you, and fireworks start spraying everywhere.
>You let out a sigh.
"Pinkie... What the hell are we going to tell the Cakes?"
>"It's the fault of an oppressive regime!"
"Princess Celestia doesn't oppress anyone, Pinkie. She's actually pretty good at what she does."
>Pinkie grins again.
>You know that grin.
>"Well I didn't vote for her!"
>You pick Pinkie up, and tuck her under your arm.
"This is Fluttershy's fault. She can take the blame for once."
>"But today's Happy Day! Let's no-mmph!"
>You clamp your hand over her mouth.
>That's enough of that.