Abnormal Norman 30: When All Else Fails
___________________________________________
 
Be Lyra
Lyra's house
 
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL DOING IN MY HOUSE?"
>Everyone in the room was shocked.
>You, the angry woman with intruders in the house.
>The half-naked boy next to you holding a huge knife
>The unconscious woman laid on your couch.
>Your friends and Rarity in trespassing in  your home.
 
 
>"I...Uhh...W-we.." Rarity stuttered.
>>"Listen, Lyra. We were worried! When Norman called you from the phone, we...err..."
"YOU BROKE INTO MY HOME AND WENT TO MY BEDROOM?"
>Your anger reaches critical mass.
>>"Look, as much as we are at fault, you guys are as suspicious looking as we are! I mean, why is Norman holding a knife...without a shirt?"
"That's my life! You don't go into other peoples' houses just because they have another life!"
>>"Lyra...we...we were-"
"ARRRGH!"
>Another vision clouds your mind and sight.
>You drop to the floor as your locket shows you another vision about some cat getting runover by a monster truck next week.
"D-Dammit..."
 
Be Norman
Lyra's house
 
"Oh crap."
>>"What's going on with her?"
>Oh right, they don't know about this.
"She's...having one of those random seizures."
>>"WHAT? W-We need to get her to a hospital!"
"No, she's fine. She totally has this handled."
>Octavia's scrunched face looks at you.
>"HOW COME YOU KNOW ABOUT THE SEIZURE BEFORE I DID?"
>Welp, she's back to the Lyra's protective mother phase again.
"Look, she didn't want to worry you, so she never told anyone but me."
>"What? OH COME ON!"
>Aryan butts in, curious about the woman on the couch.
>"Norman? Who is this 'Gilda' woman that kidnapped you at the park?"
"Gilda? Ahh...S-she's just an old friend who...got out of jail and wants to turn her life around. Yeah."
>"And you volunteered?"
"Not exactly, err.."
>"And why was Lyra worried when you called her? How come you called her and not one of your dear old friends?"
"Aryan, are you jealous?"
>"Norman, this is pretty weird, you know. I mean, you're always missing with Lyra, your parents don't even know where you go, and now you're hanging out with very strange people!"
"Listen, Aryan, as much as I'd like to tell you what's going on, I just can't."
>"Why?"
>>"Yeah, why?"
>Aryan and Octavia caught you at a bad time. She's dying to know.
>But wait, there's another person here who somewhat knows what's going on.
>You look at Derpy and give her an eye-signal.
 
>Derpy got the message and speaks.
>>>"Rarity, don't you think you should just leave Norman's problems to himself? It is his life."
"Your friend is right, Aryan. You guys shouldn't just peep into other people's lives if they don't want to.
>Aryan tries to steer the subject back to interrogating.
>"W-well, why ARE half-naked holding a knife?"
>>"Yeah? What are you guys, some fetish cutters?" Octavia added
>By then you give the first excuse that comes to your mind.
"This isn't mine. Gilda's was a dangerous woman and had a telent for...throwing knives."
>"And that's why you called Lyra?"
"Err, she got drunk and found her in a bar near the city dumps when I was going to fetch her. I needed some help."
>"Then why call Lyra of all the people in yo-"
 
>>>>"That's none of your damn business!" Lyra said.
>She finally snapped out of her vision time, pissed like the devil during Christmas.
>>>>"I want you all OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
>>"Lyra, please, you need me-"
>>>>"I said get out."
>Lyra's gaze scared the living bejezus out of Octavia and  Aryan.
>Octavia rushed to the door. Aryan and Derpy followed.
 
>>>>"Not you, muffin girl. We have a lot to talk about."
>>>"*gulp*"
>After Aryan and Octavia got out, Lyra slams the door and peeks through the window.
>Her gaze nearly melts the glass. Octavia and Rarity ran as far away as possible.
>I'd hate to see Lyra on her period.
 
>>>>"Derpy, might I ask what the hell they were doing in my house, and how they got in? Did you tell them about me and Norman?"
>>>"N-NO! I swear! They were really going to search everything that involves you and Norman!"
>>>>"I'd understand Octavia. She does have a bit of a condition regarding close friends. But what about you? Why are you still with them when they broke into my house?"
>>>"It's not my fault! Octavia's already suspicious of me!
>>>>"Just because you were hanging out with me?"
>>>"Yeah! She's like this weird dad who thought I was going to take his daughter away from him!"
"Jeez, and I thought Brad was the crazy one."
>>>>"Wait, did they see the package you sent me? It had both your name and Norman's in the tag."
>>>"N-no! They barely checked your room when you guys came back with...her. Who is she?"
>>>>"Associate of Nolan. She's with Norman so she knows we weren't bluffing during that time I got captured by Nolan."
>>>"Oh yeah. Nolan's a ganglord, right?"
"Yeah. Nolan's a ganglord, and no one else knows."  *
>[spoiler]Norman told Derpy about Nolan in issue # 26. -Dan [spoiler]
>>>"Man, more of our classmates have double lives!" Derpy said with enthusiasm."
"Normally, I'd say it's an exciting thing, but that doesn't bode well for me, Lyra and Brad."
>>>"Who else has a double life besides Nolan?"
>>>>"Norman, should we really tell her everything?"
"Err, guess not. Sorry Derpy."
>>>"Alright, fine. I guess knowing is half the fun, that's what the Joes, say."
 
>Derpy goes to your discarded Origins suit. Trench coat, scarf and football helmet with a beanie strapped to it.
>>>"Whoa, Norman. Cool super suit! Is this your new one?"
"No, that's my old one. I'm using this as my suit whenever I'm working with Gilda, so 'Noir-Man' doesn't get branded a criminal by the public."
>>>"You're really taking this hero thing seriously, Norman!"
>>>>"Yeah, blame his autism." Lyra added
"Hey, what's the point of endangering your life for others if you can't even have some fun?"
>>>"Haha, that's the spirit. By the way, this totally reminds me of the time Bruce Wayne went undercover as a mobster in the batman comics!"
"Don't know about that, though."
>>>"What do you call yourself in this gettup?"
"Burst Blood"
>>>"Nice!"
 
>>>"Sigh, listen, while you two hero heads look after our friend, I'm going to make some snacks while making sure mom doesn't get home soon."
 
"Alright."
>>>"By the way, Norman, you have a really nice body! I could almost call you Dick Grayson!"
"Err...thanks?"
>Derpy just smiles, like a kid.
 
Be Rarity
Walking outside with Octavia
 
>"Ahh, I really blew it this time!" Octavia says, crying and whining.
"Oh calm down, dear. It IS our fault for-"
>"SNIFF* And now, she'll never talk to me again! She's lost her trust in me!"
*cryingnoises.wav*
"Oh, hush now. Even I feel upset about Norman hiding secrets, but this isn't worth crying over for!"
>She really needs to deal with her abandonment issues more.
>"Y-You know what? Screw them! We don't need to know their secret! I'll just make my own secret to get even, with the poker and the male strippers!"
"Err..."
>"No, wait, I got an idea! Let's hook up!"
"Octavia! You're not even drunk!"
>"Come on! It would totally make Norman jealous! I know he's into you!"
"Octavia! Calm yourself. You don't know what yo- UMMF!"
>Octavia covers your lips with her mouth. A surprise kiss from a wrecked musician.
>You push her german lips off.
"HEY!"
>"Ahh, sorry. I'm just so damn frustrated over Lyra and Vinyl. They're the only family that cares about me!"
"That's not an excuse for you to hook up with me! Octavia, if you can't handle your own, how do you expect to care for others?"
>Octavia leans to you.
>"Y-you're right. I...I'm not really good at letting people go. You know, I haven't seen my parents for years now, and with Vinyl in a coma, and Lyra in...something with Norman..."
"Look, whatever you're experiencing, you'll get over it. Besides, we need to get you someone else to think about."
>"Like who?"
"A boyfriend, silly? SOmeone to take care of you once Lyra and Vinyl find other people in their lives."
>"I'm...I'm not good with relationships."
"I know someone who's single and a skirt chaser. You guys are perfect for each other."
>"Well, if you say so. I trust you with this, Rarara."
"Of course! What are friends for."
>You say so with a grim smile on your face.
>Everything is going according to plan B
>And what does the 'B' in plan B stand for?
>hehehe.
 
Be Norman
Lyra's Home
 
>>>"H-hey! I think she's waking up!" Derpy says.
>"Ugh...wha?"
>Gilda has finally woken up from her slumber. She looks at her surroundings.
"W-where am I?"
"You're in Lyra's home."
>"Eh?"
>Suddenly, her eyes were wide open.
>She jumped right off the couch and took a knife from her belt.
"Whoa!"
>You and Derpy put your hands right up.
>"WHERE AM I?"
"L-LYRA'S HOME!"
>"WHO?"
"C-CHRONOS! THE GREEN HOODED GIRL!"
>"WHAT HAPPENED?"
>Oh shit, you can't tell her you just tranq'd her. She'd kill you!
"Y-You got tranquilized by the police! Just saved you in a knick of time before they arrested you!"
>"I...I remember that cop from years ago.... Had him at gunpoint. Did I kill him?"
"Y-yeah! You totally killed him before you got tranquilized. Yeah! Lots of blood and what-not."
>Gilda finally lowered the knife and calmed down.
>She then sat on the couch.
 
>"That's one target off my list, then."
>Phew.
"S-so why did you want to kill that cop so much?"
>"None of your damn business."
"Alright! That's...that's cool."
>Sweating bullets here.
>Derpy sat down the chair and stayed quiet.
>Gilda got a hold of herself fully and looked around the living room.
 
>"What about the inventory transfer? Was that successful?"
"I don't know. I haven't called Nolan yet."
>"Alright. I'll just ask him."
>Gilda taps on her phone to unlock her fully encrypted phone.
>Lyra comes in the room with some sandwiches.
"Thanks."
 
>After a minute, she's done with the call.
>"Alright, so the good news is, the transfer was successful, and we managed to cripple some of Viri Scientia's forces as well.
>>"I assume there's a bad news too?" Lyra asked.
>"Bad news is, I lost my bike. Norman, you owe me a new bike."
"Oh come on! I just saved you from-"
>No excuses!"
"Ugh, fine. So, that's the bad news?"
>"No, the other bad news is, I gotta hang somewhere else. Not only am I suddenly back on the city's most wanted list, I'm being hunted down as we speak."
>>>"By who?" Derpy asked
"Rival gangs, cops. I'm one of the few public associates Nolan has."
 
>She looks at Derpy.
>"Hey, haven't I seen you before?"
>>>"Huh? Me? I..."
>"Yeah, I think I've seen you before."
>>"You must have had me mistaken for someone else."
>"Come on, how many gray women are in this city with cross eyes?"
"Derpy? You know her?"
>>"No! I don't!"
>"Well, it doesn't matter now. I need a place to stay. Hey Norman, you think your folks would mind me at your house?"
"Eahh, well they would! I mean, they wouldn't like it!"
>"Knew it. How about here?"
>>"We don't have a guest room, and I wouldn't allow any of you goddamn saints bro in my house!"
>"Still pissed over that night with the fishes?"
>Lyra storms out.
"So, what about you, gray? You have room for little old me?"
 
>>>"Err...I...I think s-"
>Gilda got off the couch and put her arm on Derpy.
>>"Perfect! One less thing to worry about, then."
"What?"
>>"How are we going to get there? Cops are probably out there looking for me, and probably Norman, but he was in disguise, so I wouldn't really count him in."
>Crap. I hope Rarity and Octavia don't watch the news.
>Gilda needs a way to get to Derpy's house.
 
>We all look at Lyra.
>>"Hey, I don't have a license, and my mom doesn't have a car."
>"Aww..."
"Look, I can jump you both there."
>"What, with your super-enhanced frog legs?" Gilda joked.
"Pretty much. That's how I got you out of the desert."
>>>"I'm cool with the idea too!" Derpy enthusiastically said.
>"Alright!"
>Gilda stood up and took a stretch.
>>"The sooner you bozos are out of my house, the better."
>"So, Norman. You gonna carry us two ladies with those rockhard abs?"
"Gyah!"
>You forgot you're naked in a house filled with women.
>You got to your backpack and got out your orange and green suit while stuffing the football helmet and the trenchcoat inside.
>"Pshh, heroes..."
>You wore your suit and mask and went out with the girls
>After which, you got outside, held Derpy and Gilda by their sides.
>"Hey, watch it, dweeb!" Gilda says teasingly as you almost hit the underside of her breast.
>>>"So...umm my house is that way, then take a right and through the overpass."
"I'm going to have to stay in the shadows, so hang on. This is going to be a long ride.
>And with that, you jumped out of Lyra's home.
 
Be Norman's father
Hospital
 
>"Sir, are you sure you don't want us to call your family?" asked the doctor
"They don't know about this. I'd rather not worry them."
>You sit in a chair, wrapped up in casts and bandages.
>Hell, you've been through worse.
>Your partner, Shining Armor visits your room eating a corndog.
>"Hey-Ho, partner. How's the leg?"
"I can walk. I'd rather worry about what I'm going to tell my wife. How many work related accidents does a magazine publication even have?"
>"Hell if I know. You should really tell your family about you lying to her about rejoining the force.
"The reason I left the force before was because of my wife. She'd throw a fit if she found out."
>"Well, I'd help you out if you need some 'back-up' regarding whatever story you're going to tell your wife."
"Thanks."
>Shining Armor sat down with you.
>"So, how's the leg?"
"Doctor says three weeks. Nothing bad, but I can't run."
>"Yeah, looks that way. Today was a strange day, huh. Hind-legged cheetahs, you, nearly getting killed by that Saint's Bro woman, only to be saved by another Saint's Bro guy."
"Heh."
>"By the way, we tried looking up your 'hobo savior' up in the database, and we got a slight match."
"Huh? You found a hobo wearing a football helmet?"
>"Yeah. Apparently, it was weeks ago. A convenience store was getting robbed by a bunch of guys, then a random hobo crashed into the scene and tried to beat the piss out of them!"
"Wow. That is one strange man."
>"You think the Saint's bro hired the guy? He looks pretty strong."
"I don't know. When I asked him if he was with the Saint's Bro, he was unsure himself. Plus he sounded like a kid."
>"Whoa, really?"
>You look out the window. Night filled with stars in the sky.
"Hey rookie, ever tell you the reason why that woman wanted to kill me?"
>"N-no sir."
"When she was just a kid, no more than ten, she killed two Diamond Dogs gang members with two knives. I was there when she cried over her dead parents corpses."
>"Holy shit."
"Yeah. I'd say she probably got traumatized, but apparently, it had a different effect on her."
>"How?"
"Years after that, we met again. This time she had a gun aimed at a scientist named 'Cherry Jubilee'.
>"What happened?"
"Some say she found a job amongst the Saint's Bro. Others say she was forced into the life. Either way, her hatred for the woman was unmistakable."
 
>"Then what's her story with you?"
"Apparently, I denied her her right to kill Cherry. She says the scientist was part of some illegal gang or something. We got both of them on court, and Jubilee got off clean, while Gilda's lawyer got Gilda only five years in prison."
>"Wow, that's some story."
"The job does things to you, rookie, along with other people."
>You try to stand. You managed to and leaned by the wall.
"This is why I joined the force again, against my wife's wishes. I don't want to see more kids like Gilda ending up in the gang because of another gang."
>"I admire your determination, sir."
"Aye, and I'm guessing our little hobo guy is another kid forced in that life."
>"Luckily he seems to be a pacifist. Looks like we got ourselves someone who could help us with our 'Saint's Bro' case.
"Let's just hope the life of crime doesn't change him before we run into him again."
 
Be Norman
Landed on Derpy's home.
 
>Carrot Top's tending to her garden on the other side of Derpy's home.
>>"OH NO! DON'T LAND ON HER GARDEN!" Derpy yelled
"TOO LATE!"
 
*CRASH!"
>"AAH! MY CARROTS!"
"Oh god, I'm so, so sorry."
>>>"Nice going, hero." Gilda tells you.
>"YOU again? I thought I told you to never come back here!"
"Sorry. I was just returning Derpy to her home.
>>>"Sorry about that, Carrot."
>Carrot storms off back to her home.
>You, Derpy and Gilda walk to the other side of the street to Derpy's home.
 
>Derpy unlocks her door and lets us in.
>>"Nice home, cross-eyes!"
>Gilda then jumps onto the couch and opens the TV.
"Gilda, come on. Manners!"
>>"Oh, uhh can I use your television?"
"sigh"
>You whisper to Derpy inconspicuously.
"You sure you want to do this? I mean, we're not forcing you or anything..."
>>>"It's no trouble! Really."
"Won't your parents get mad?"
>>>"My mom's working overseas for Disney and my dad's...my dad left us when I was still a kid."
"Oh, um. I'm sorry about that."
>>>"No need. I'm sure he's out there somewhere thinking about us too."
"So why'd you volunteer to let her in her home? Was it the pressure?"
>>>"Actually, the truth is, like any comic book fan, I've always wanted to be part of an adventure, or maybe even be a supporting character."
"So you did this because you felt...'in' with us?"
>>>"Guilty as charged. Besides, I could keep an eye on her should she,,*ahem* try to backstab you."
"Whatever you say, Derpy. Just remember, don't let her friends or comrades from Saint's Bro in. Understand?"
>>>"I'm not sure Gilda would like that."
"Look, just trust me on this. You wouldn't want yourself to be part of her life."
>>>"Okay, I'll try my best."
"Great. Listen, thanks again."
>>>"Don't mention it. Do you want to stay for dinner or-"
"Nah, my mom's cooking steak. Don't want to be late for that. Besides, I can sense your neighbor looking fiercely from her window."
>>>"Haha. Well, see you."
"Aight. Good luck with Gilda."
>And with that, she closes her door.
 
>Before you jump off the area, Carrot Top calls from her window.
>"Hey, garden-destroyer."
>Crap.
"Umm, yeah, sorry about the ga-"
>"I'm not here to talk to you about the garden. It's about Derpy."
"Oh."
>"Is she part of something I should know about?"
"Well, n-not that she's a superhero or anything."
>"Look, Derpy may be a smart young woman, but she has the imagination and enthusiasm of a child. If you let her in some dangerous mission or something..."
"I...I'm not. She's just trying to make friends with my partner, is all. Any comic fan would, knowing them."
>"That girl just now or that other asshole friend you got?"
"Both."
>"Look, I may not be her family, but I care for her as a friend."
>She grabs you by the shirt.
>"DON'T let her die because of you and your crazy antics. You understand me, hero?"
"I...Yeah. COMPLETELY, ma'm."
 
>She lets go and shuts the window.
>Ahh, the people I hang out with.
 
>I should go home and see how my dad's doing.
 
End of Chapter 30