6
 
>Something bats your nose, and you pull back.
>Its soft, but no, it is time to sleep.
>It bats again, much softer now.
>You groan and wave it off.
>Another bat, before something giggles.
>You finally bother to open your eyes, and see the pink mare before you.
>She is holding her frame up with one foreleg, while using another to bat your poor face.
>She smiles warmly, before staring at you.
>You give her a hug and bring her close.
>Something told you this was right.
>”Good morning.” She whispers.
>You run your hand through her neck, feeling the soft coat.
>WAIT
>You shoot up, checking your clothes.
>Oh, its fine, you have them on.
>BUT
>What if you drunken self was smarter than you?
>If it could convince a female minotaur to dry-hump, your drunken side must be smarter.
>You can tell, really.
>Your socks are aligned, and your tie is straight.
>Oh god what could have-
>”Are you alright, Anon?” Cadance sits next to you and leans on.
>”Oh, I was just thinking that-“
>”Nothing happened, Anon.”
>”Thank Celestia.”
>And as if by cue, a certain white princess teleports in.
>That was more racial than you intended.
>”I heard my name, did anyone-“
>Celestia glances over you and Cadance.
>”Oh.”
>She smiles.
>”OH NO” You stop the trail of thought.
>Too late, you can see what is going on in her head.
>Celestia trots over to door.
>”Cadance, I expect a full report on-“
>”Auntie.”
>”Oh, I’m just poking fun dear. Not like dear Anonymous there. He done his share of pok-“
>”Auntie!”
>Celestia lets out a laugh, before walking out of the room.
>It’s your turn to lean on Cadance.
>Well, no too much.
>”So,” You look to her. “What do you wanna do now?”
>She rolls her eyes.
>”Oh, I don’t know and-“
>She pushes you down to the bed and starts kissing you again.
>This better not lead to-
>The two of you stop.
>With a look of horror in both of your eyes, the two of you roll over to each side of the bed.
>You bring out a bucket for the two of you, on each side.
>Then you hurl your dinner.
>Better remember to hold Cadance’s mane up.
 
>And so there it was; the lovely couple.
>Passionately emptying their stomachs in one fine morning.
>Yep, you are still an idiot.
 
>Ride back home- was uneventful.
>Cadance insisted to accompany you to the carriage.
>You felt odd, sleeping in your now-crumpled suit.
>Your OCD said it was a no-no.
>You had your own walk of shame, not out of sex, but the lack of it.
>Also, you looked terrible.
>You shuffle over to your house, only to be happily greeted by mom.
>She didn’t bother asking you anything, saying she ‘knew’.
>God mom, it was just a kiss.
 
>Shining pokes more jokes at you, laughing like an idiot.
>You quickly throw down the suit and put on a t-shirt.
>Nothing like a good breakfast will solve all of your problems.
>You much through your Hay-O’s with some OJ.
>Twilight wants the same, she just adores you.
>”So, Twilight.”
>”Yes sir?” She salutes you.
>”At ease, how was the mission?” You salute back.
>”I shouted ‘wape’ seven times, sir!”
>”How was Shiny?”
>”No butthurt, sir!”
>You lean over and ruffle Twilight’s mane.
>”That’s my little sister.”
>She giggles and looks up to you.
>You smile, but you have to cut it short.
>Cereal tastes horrible with much milk soaked.
>Your lovely breakfast is abruptly stopped with knocks to the door.
>You walk over, and answer it.
>You see a golden armor-clad guard, who hands you two letters.
>He salutes you and flies off.
>Wonder what that is about.
>You glance over to the envelopes…
>For Shining Armor and Anonymous Sparkle.
>On the cover, was the insignia of the Equestrian military.
>That meant one thing.
 
>”Come on, human, you going to take that from a Pegasus? Five more!”
>The drill sergeant kicks your shaking arm.
>The Pegasus across you is visibly tired as well.
>Five… more.
>You grunt and push yourself up.
>One.
>Fuck, you hated exercise.
>Two.
>Damn all these ponies.
>Three.
>Four.
>GOD FUCKING DAMMIT AHHHHH
>Five.
>You grin and flop to the ground.
>The Pegasus does five too, and collapses.
>The blue stallion grins stupidly, probably looking the same.
>”Well, looks like the ladies are done their tea breaks! Back to the barracks, double time!”
>The drill sergeant walks over the two of you, sprawled on the ground.
>You are panting and sweating furiously.
>Eventually, you get to your feet.
>The Pegasus is still down.
>”You need help?” You ask, holding out a hand.
>”I suppose.” He grunts, before landing a hoof in your hands.
>You grab and pull.
>He gets to his hooves, still shaking.
>”Heh, you’re not that bad for an ape.”
>”Glad to have made your acquaintance.”
>”I’m Anon, what’s your name?”
>”Soarin. Good to have you.”
>You shake his hoof, before returning to the barracks.
>The entire training area was a small courtyard in the Canterlot castle, with the full accommodation of the guard’s barracks.
>When you said that, you meant shithole.
>Apparently, all of the recruits have gone through hell today.
>You and Soarin were just the last on the list.
>You jump on your straw bed, and groan.
>Oh, how you wished you were back home.
>And to think this was the first day.
 
>You are shook awake in the morning.
>Fuck, it must be illegal or something.
>THE FUCKING SUN ISN’T EVEN ON
>WHAT SORT OF BULLSHIT IS THIS?
>”I don’t know what I’ve been told!”
>The drill sergeant sings.
>Fuck you, I don’t want a musical.
>”Your mother’s vagina is mighty cold!”
>You shout, eliciting some laughs from the ponies.
>”Oh, look, we have a smart ass here.”
>The sergeant flies to you.
>”Do you like being smart, human?”
>You shrug.
>”Sure, why not.”
>He smiles.
>”You got guts, filly.”
>You smile like an idiot.
>”We’re going to need guts.”
>You don’t like the sound of that.
 
>You jump to the side, missing the massive scorpion tail.
>”Fuck!” You swear, rolling on the dirt.
>”What’s wrong, Anon? Where’s your guts now?”
>You look up, to see several ponies looking down, all but one horrified.
>The manticore looks pretty pissed.
>”Remember, human, disable, not kill.”
>The sergeant barks.
>”It’s hard as ass to catch one.” He says, under his breath.
>”If you CAN kill it.”
>While he makes random comments, you are running for your life.
>You lash out some fireballs at the beast, only pissing it more.
>”Come on, use your guts, Anonymous!”
>The manticore jumps, trying to pin you down.
>You gasp and turn.
>Before you know it, you are on the ground, pinned by the creature’s massive paw.
>Well, fuck.
>It rears up its massive head, revealing its serrated teeth.
>That will ruin your day.
>You look up to see Shining, completely horrified.
>Well, you know your motto.
>Buck it.
>You quickly materialize a weapon in your hand.
>Anything, anything will do.
>As the manticore charges, three things happen at once.
>The drill sergeant flinches,
>Shining shits bricks,
>And you realize you’re holding a dildo.
>You close your eyes, ready to die in your strangely sexual manner.
>You hear gags, but no death.
>No sound of bones breaking.
>You open your eyes to lose your sides.
>You shoved the corporeal dildo into the creature’s mouth, choking it.
>The ponies above have no fucking clue.
>You still hold on to the ‘weapon’, no clue of what to do.
>The sergeant notices what you have brought up and loses his shit.
>You ready a spell in the very hand.
>”Bet you aren’t that tough in the inside, huh?” You whisper.
>You grin and focus.
>A trick you came up with Shiny.
>You called it, ‘fire-cracker’
>It had no connection with albinism.
>You don’t even know.
>And explosion inside an explosion, you said.
>And you shot it through the magic dildo, straight into the creature’s mouth.
>You hear a rumble.
>Good, that’s the first explosion.
>The manticore yelps and jumps back, smokes pouring from its mouth.
>It then writhes on the ground more, followed by the second explosion.
>There is a loud splat.
>Before you know it, you are coated with Manticore gore.
>You throw up.
>The rest hurl as well.
>The drill sergeant is still laughing.
 
>You quickly magic off the blood and body parts, and rejoin the group.
>You are met with a cheer.
>”Looks like you really have guts, Anon.” The drill sergeant wipes his tears, tapping your back.
>You are still fazed by the entire ordeal.
>You will never live this down.
 
>That night, you join Cadance in her chambers.
>Not much going on- just talks and cuddles.
>And the bed was MUCH better than the straws in the barracks.
>Some complained that you had it easy.
>Well, your fault for not dating the princess.
>Fuckers.
>You just had a little talk, before you decided to head home.
 
>Cadance decided to walk you home, talking some more.
>DAMMIT WOMAN I NEED MY SILENCE
>”Anon.” She calls for you.
>”Yeah?” You turn your head, still looking at the night’s sky.
>”What do you think of ‘us’?” She stops, looking away.
>”’Us’?” You ask, stopping next to her.
>”Yeah, do you think it’s working out?”
>You go on your knees in front of her, watching.
>”I mean, I’m a pony, and you’re a human.”
>You watch over her irises, as they shrink in the moonlight.
>You also noticed that she tied her mane into a ponytail.
>You liked her mane-cut.
>Pony-tail. On a pony. Oh look, she has another tail.
>hurrr durrr.
>”There are some ponies who whisper things and-“
>You brush off some loose mane off the pony’s face.
>”I-I just don’t know, I have no idea what to say and-“
>You lean in, and stop her lips with your own.
>She lets out a few muffled complaints, before she starts to enjoy the kiss.
>You pull back, gasping.
>”Is that an answer?” You ask, smiling.
>She looks around, and gives you a playful smile.
>”Possibly.”
>The two of you giggle, before you hoist her up.
>”Woah- what are you doing, Anon?”
>You hold the pony, and continue walking.
>”Well, what does it look like?”
 
>”I’m sweeping you off your hooves.”
 
>That was mighty smooth, Anon.
>Cadance cackles.
>”That was cheap, Anon.”
>”I know.”
>You support the base of her neck with your right arm, and lean in.
>Cadance wraps her legs around your neck and takes it all in.
>All by the moonlight.
>”You know, you look absolutely beautiful under the moonlight.”
>She blushes.
>You hold that position for a while, staring into each others’ eyes.
 
>You had no fucking clue what you’re doing.
 
>Eventually, Cadance breaks the moment.
>You let her down and continue you path.
>You finally reach your home, looking over the picket fence.
>As Cadance makes her way back, you call out to her.
>”Cadance, I know it’s getting late and all, but how would you like to join for dinner?”
 
>After Shiny and you applied to the Canterlot guards, the two of you often returned home late.
>Mom made it a habit to prepare dinner later than usual.
>Twilight and dad ate first, while mom waited.
>Then she asked you about your day, and you mostly grunted and made jokes.
>Shining gave a full report.
>That hoof-licker.
>SHIT
>You forgot about Shiny.
>And most importantly, you’re late for food.
>Cadance happily joins you, trotting to the house.
>As you enter the two of you are greeted by the family.
>Twilight stopped her playing and galloped to your side.
>You crouched and held her up, and played the airplane again.
>You missed doing that.
>Cadance laughs at your game, hell, everypony does.
>You don’t mind, it was your special moment with your little sister.
>She squirms and giggles, before you set her down.
>Then you do what you always do.
>Ruffle her mane.
>It’s funny on how fast it returns to its shape.
>You sit down with Cadance, spotting Shiny already eating.
>Thanks for waiting up, you bastard.
>Shiny looks at you and raises a brow.
>”What?”
>”Thanks for waiting for me, Shine.”
>”Meh, you were already busy eating out somepony.”
>At that, both Cadance and you blush.
>The rest laughs.
>Twilight goes over to dad and keeps asking ‘why are you laughing?’
>Before she just laughs for the sake of it.
>Shit.
>How awkward.
 
>”Actually.” Mom speaks up. “I wanted to speak to Cadance.”
>”Yes, Mrs. Sparkle?” Cadance pipes up.
>”You see, with Anon and Shining Armor in the barracks during the day, and the need for my husband and me to work, we need a foal-sitter for little Twilight here.”
>”Hey!” Twilight stands, and crosses her forelegs. “I’m nwot wittle!”
>You chuckle.
>That shit is just too cute.
>Twilight gets mad, and puffs her cheeks.
>She only looks cuter now.
>Oh damn you, paternal instincts.
>You go over to ruffle Twilight’s mane.
>”So, what do you say, Cadance? You’ll also have more time to spend with Anon.”
>Cadance looks to you, and you just nod.
>”Sure thing, Mrs. Sparkle. I’ll be delighted.”
>Mom nods, and let Cadance get back to eating.
>You join her as well.
>”Well, this was a lovely dinner, Mrs. Sparkle.” Cadance compliments the food.
>Come on, it wasn’t that good.
>”I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, Anon.” Cadance winks, and walks out.
>Well, looks like everything will turn out swell.
 
>Apparently, The jackass of a drill sergeant recommended you to be placed under Captain training.
>Everything did not turn out well.
>You found yourself coming home rarely, due to all of these extra lessons.
>You even had advanced magic class.
>Fucking ponies.
 
>He was beyond impressed- and humored by your prowess against the manticore.
>He called your spell ‘creative and yet effective’
>You had no clue.
>Shining Armor was also elected, with some hot shot named Spitfire.
>Spitfire dropped off to make another team, called the Wonderbolts.
>Huh.
 
>”Right, good day, lads, today, we have a simple task. Get this flag.”
>You raise a brow, and then look to Shining.
>He shrugs.
>The instructor throws the flag to the other side of the mountain, lodging it with his magic.
>He clicks his pen, holds up a check board, and points.
>”So, Shiny, what makes you think you can best me?” You say, stretching your body.
>”That’s because I’m tougher than you, Anon.” Shining practices his spells.
>”Keep talking, Shine. Keep talking.”
>You hear a familiar whistle and you set off.
>The path was simple.
>Climb a rather large pile of boulders, and grab the flag at the end.
>The tricky part was, a small rock slide occurred once in a while.
>Shining was better than you in shields, so he easily bypassed the falling rocks.
>You, on the other hand, had trouble keeping the rocks at bay.
>Your shields broke easily.
>That meant you had to dodge with teleportation, or telekinesis.
>Teleportation left you a bit disoriented, and drained energy fast.
>Telekinesis will end up slowing you down as the rocks pile up.
>But you had one advantage.
>You had dexterity.
>Another, if you will.
>You were stupid and hardy.
>Recipe for success.
 
>You climb on and on, eventually catching up to Shining.
>You take cover behind a boulder as the next wave comes crashing in.
>You then pop out and resume climbing like the crazed monkey you are.
>Shining is already freaking out on your speed.
>You passed him, and he is just teleporting everywhere.
>You feel another wave incoming.
>This one is pretty big.
>You make time to find a good spot, and take cover.
>Shine is still making his way up.
>That idiot.
>The rumbling grows in frequency, before several massive rocks sprawl out.
>”Shine, look out!” You shout.
>Too late.
>A bounder strikes the stallion, as he bounces down.
>You jump out in instinct, catching the unconscious pony.
>You shield his body with yours, activating a telekinesis field.
>Your hands burn with the blue aura, and you create a small done for the two of you.
 
>The instructor sipped on his drink.
>Wonder how the student are do-
>He sees the white stallion get hit by the boulder.
>Shite.
>The human comes up, and protects him.
>The instructor can only see a flash of blue light.
>Suddenly, the human and the stallion materializes in front of you.
>Both are battered and bruised.
 
>You cringe and you hold your brother in your arms.
>You teleport out, right by the instructor.
>He immediately calls for a medic.
>You call feel his breath.
>At least he’s breathing.
>Goddamn it, Shining.