>"Stallions!  Atten- Huh!"
>You snap to attention along with the other ponies in line with you.
>"You maggots disgust me.  I just wanted you to know that," said the acting 'Commandant'.
"Aye aye, sir!" you all shout in unison.
>"Especially you, you friggen food blister!" the Commandant shouted at one particularly overweight pony.
>"Aye aye, sir!" he replied.
>The Commandant roved up and down the line of about six stallions plus you.
>Standing behind him were several other officers and veteran members.
>You were a potential cadet.
>Standing alongside you was your buddy, Shining Armor.
>"Everyone here thinks they have what it takes to join my beloved Guard Corps," continued the Commandant.  "We only want the most gifted and elite ponies Mother Equestria can offer us.  In order to remain in your cadet status, you must maintain a 3.0 grade-point average.  You will not get into trouble with the school or the law.  And you will abide by all rules of this fraternity.  Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, sir!" the group shouts.
>He stopped at stared up at you.
>"And don't think I haven't heard about you, Anonymous," he said.  "I'm watching you."
"Aye aye, sir!" you shout.
>"You will all meet back here tomorrow morning at zero-five-thirty for PT," instructed the Commandant.  "And welcome to Rho Gamma Chi.  Dismissed!"
 
>Shining Armor walks by your side as you walk away from the frat house that resembled a military barracks.
>"Weird," he started.  "I thought there would be more butt-chewings and hazing."
"It'll probably come tomorrow while we're PT'ing," you tell him.  "Or they'll kick in our door tonight and blanket party us."
>"What's a blanket party?"
"I don't know, but I overheard someone talk about it once.  I think they wash us with soap and dry us off with socks while hiding under a blanket so we can't see their faces."
>"What?!" exclaimed Shining Armor.  "What sick pony came up with that?"
>The two of you continue across campus, admiring the view of the poorly-made student sculptures and the rear of many a fine female student.
>Your eyes are averted to your stomach when it rumbles loudly.
>Shining Armor stopped in his step and turned his head up at you.
>His ear was inches from your gut since you stand several feet over him.
>"You're not gonna try to cook me into a stew again, are you?" he asked as he took a step back.
"Dude, that was like ten years ago!  I only just arrived here and I was young.  I had also managed to get into your dad's liquor cabinet, so..."
>"It still haunts my dreams," he said as you continued walking.
"I think you just need to quit being a baby and get over it."
>"Have you ever been chased around the house as a strange creature as big as you tried to eat you?"
"Don't forget that it was your idea we skip school in the first place," you retort.  "I wouldn't have missed lunch and we wouldn't be having this conversation."
>"You're the one who said we could sneak into the Princesses' castle and have some of their royal cake; which may I remind you that your crayon plan was so terrible to begin with."
"I was eight!  And you were still stupid enough to go along with it!" you shouted.
>"We didn't even make it out of the house before we bailed on the plan, anyways!" he shouted back.
 
>He cleared his throat and calmed down.
>"And besides, you can't keep blaming your age for your own incompetence."
>You raise your foot and give him a light shove to the side.
>He quickly recovered and ran straight up to you, stretching his neck as tall as he could to appear intimidating.
>"You wanna go, chump?" he challenged.
"Bring it on, mini horse!  You and I both know your silly little force fields are the only thing protecting you."
>"I could stomp you into the ground with my own four hooves if I wanted to!"
"Well then lets go!"
>"Right now!"
"Get some!"
>"I will!"
>The two of you by now have forced your heads together and are frothing at the mouth.
>Passersby give you a wide berth and other still just stand there wondering what will happen next.
 
>"Alright, alright! Break it up, ladies!"
>A dark grey pegasus starts forcing the two of you apart.
>You and Shining break eye contact to see who it is.
>"Besides, everyone knows neither of you can do jack except talk smack," he continues.
>You give a short laugh and slap the pegasus on the back.
"What's up, Thunderlane?  You get on the fliers' team?"
>"Duh," he replied.  "How about you two tools?  You get into that stupid military frat?"
>"It's not stupid!" defended Shining.  "It's a great gateway into the official Royal Guard!"
>"That's supposed to make it sound better?" asked Thunderlane.
"I'm just there because of him," you comment.  "I could care less either way."
>"That's because you promised to see it through with me," explained Shining.
"Doesn't mean they won't kick me out for incidences I may or may not have control over," you say with a shrug.
>"In either case, you're both stupid," said Thunderlane. "Now lets go find some lunch.  I'm starving."
"No kidding," you say, rubbing your belly.  "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse."
>Shining Armor stopped as you and Thunderlane continued on ahead.
>"That's not funny, Anon," he finally said as he ran to catch up.
 
>As you were walking, you spotted a cafe that went down into the ground.
"How about here?" you suggest.  "I haven't been here, yet."
>"No freakin' way!" objected Thunderlane.  "There's nothing but hipsters and a terrible open mic stage in there."
"I'm sure it can't be that bad.  How 'bout you, Shiny?"
>"Looks okay to me."
"It looks okay to him," you repeat to Thunderlane.
>"Why do I hang out with you two," muttered Thunderlane with a shake of his head.
"Because I'm awesome," you state. "Although I ask myself that about Shiny, here, as well."
>"Because you'll get yourself killed if I wasn't around to babysit you," replied Shining.
"Touché."
 
>The group walks down the stairs into the cafe.
>It's a dark and smokey atmosphere.
>Mostly tobacco smoke, but there's a strong stench of pot in the air.
>"Don't we have to take a urinalysis later?" asked Shining to you.
"Pfft.  No one does that anymore," you assure him.  "Besides, it's just smoke.  It's not like you're actually smoking it."
>"If you say so."
>Shining finds a table as you and Thunderlane go to the bar to order food and a drink.
>As you're sitting there, the lights dim except for a single spotlight on the stage.
>The room goes silent as a curtain opens to a mare wearing a purple dress and sitting on a stool in front of the mic.
>She clears her throat and speaks in a monotone voice
>"Rock.  You are a rock.  Gray.  You are gray.  Like a rock.  Which you are.  Rock."
>The curtain quickly closes and the spotlight disappears.
>The room lights come back on and everyone clops their hooves together.
>Thunderlane is sitting at the bar, staring dumbfoundedly with his mouth open at the stage.
"What the hell was that!" he blurts.
>You would answer if you weren't laughing so hard.
>"We gotta get out of here," said Thunderlane as he slid off his stool.  "I can't take anymore."
>When you're able to breath again, you can finally answer.
"Hey, at least wait until our food's here."
>Thunderlane stops in his step and climbs back onto the stool.
>As if on cue, your order is up.
>Taking your lunch, the two of you sit back at the table where Shining Armor was waiting.
 
>"There she is," whispered Shining Armor.
"Why are you whispering?" you ask with a mouthful of sandwich.
>"Shh!" he hisses.  "Over there."
>You turn your head to see a pink alicorn with a ponytail mane sitting across the room.
"Oh hey.  That is her."
>"You still haven't talked to her?" asked Thunderlane.  "Dude, it's been like, a year."
"Do you even know her name yet?"
>"It's Mi Amore Cadenza, and she's way out of my league," pouted Shining.
>"Pfft.  'Mi Amore'?" scoffed Thunderlane.
"As true as that may be," you reply to Shining.  "That doesn't mean you can't whip out little Shiny down there and try to impress her," you comment as you take another bite of sandwich.
>"That's disgusting," sneered Shining.
>"The guy's got a point," piped in Thunderlane.  "It'd be better than doing nothing.  Who knows.  Maybe she would appreciate the forwardness and suck it for you."
>"She's not like that," defended Shining.
"Well it's kind of hard to tell what she's like when you haven't said a word to her."
>Shining thought for a moment.
>"Will that work?"
>"If it doesn't, it'll be hilarious watching you get your ass kicked by whatever boyfriend she probably has," said Thunderlane.
>You trade a high-five with Thunderlane as you take a drink of soda.
>"You guys are assholes," said Shining.
"I can't help but notice that you still haven't gone over to talk to her yet."
>"And talk about what?"
"Well she's in a fucking poetry club, for one.  Hint hint.  Wink wink.  Nudge nudge."
>"Fine!  If it'll get you to shut up..."
>Shining slid off of the seat and walked past you.
>"What a pansy," Thunderlane said into his glass as Shining left.  "How does he even know her name if he hasn't said a word to her?"
"He probably snuck into one of the classes she's in and stole a record from the professor's office."
>"Yeah, that sounds about right."
 
>You spot the poet from the stage earlier making her way through the cafe.
"Hey," you call to her.  "Would you like to take a seat?"
>"I don't think the management would appreciate that I stole one of their chairs very much," she replied.
>You and Thunderlane trade glances.
>"You what?" asked Thunderlane.
>"I said, 'I don't think the management would appreciate that I stole one of their chairs very much'," she repeated.
"Yeah we heard that.  I was asking if you would like to sit down at the table with us."
>"Sitting would definitely be better than standing," she said.
>Thunderlane leaned in to you.
>"Does she have an attitude?" he whispered.
>You give him a shrug, but her voice sort of hinted at it by her upward inflexion at the end of every sentence.
"Well then by all means, please sit."
>The poet walked up and took Shining's spot at the table.
>You had an idea earlier, but now you're not too sure on how to approach this chick.
"So, uh...  What's your name?" you ask her.
>"Maud Pie," was the reply.
"Do you come here often?"
>"Once a week."
>Her answers are straight and to the point, it seems.
>"I got a question for you," started Thunderlane.  "What was that crap earlier?"
>"It was a poem," replied Maud, not taking any noticable offense to the insult of her work.
>"It sucked."
>"It was invisible words.  It cannot do so."
>"Yes.  It can.  And it did.  It was absolute garbage."
>"There was no garbage anywhere on stage," said Maud.
>Thunderlane was starting to noticably fume out of his face.
 
"Calm down there, killer," you tell him as you gently pet his head.
>"I'm not your damn cat!" he shouted as he swat your hand away and jumped out of his chair.  "I'm out of here!"
>"You're actually 'in' here," commented Maud as Thunderlane started to walk away.
>He stop and look back before giving a disgruntled "Augh!" and walking up the stairs and outside.
"Well then..." you spoke, trying to break the awkward tension in the air.  "So are you a language major?"
>"I'm currently working towards a geology major."
"Rocks, huh?"
>"Yes."
"Oh...  Cool..."
>Not really.
"I'm gonna go," you tell her.  "I'll see you later."
>"The chances of that are pretty high since we're at the same university."
>Is she coming on to you?
>It's impossible to tell.
"Right.  Bye."
>You get up to walk out, but are stopped by the lights dimming.
>Following the spotlight to the stage, you find Shining Armor standing at the mic.
"No..." you say to yourself in total disbelief.
 
>Shining Armor taps the mic.
>"H-Hi.  I'm Shining Armor."
>He rocks back and forth on his hooves nervously.
>You think you heard his voice crack once or twice, too.
>"This is a work in progress...  I'm not finished with it yet, hence why it's a-" He cleared his throat.  "A work in progress."
"Oh this is gonna be good," you comment as you pull up a chair and sit on it backwards.
>"Look!" he started, pointing a hoof into the crowd.
>You follow his point and see he's pointing at Cadance.
>"There's a lonely cow."
>The pony looks around confusedly.
>He didn't just call his love a cow...
>"Hey!  Cow!"
>Holy shit, he did.
>"If I were a cow, that would be me."
>You've collapsed onto the floor and hollering with laughter by this point.
>"T-That's all I got..." muttered Shining.
>The whole room was quiet except for the uproar coming from you.
>"Thank you."
>Shining stepped off the stage as the light came on and the cafe clopped their hooves.
 
>You only barely managed to pick yourself up onto your knees when Shining Armor walked up to you.
"Oh wow..." you say as you wipe a tear from your eye and clutch your pained stomach.  "You're the biggest idiot I've ever seen."
>"Hey!  I tried, alright!"
"No, you didn't try!  We told you to talk to her, not make jackass of yourself in front of the whole-"
>"Excuse me."
>The two of you turn to the voice.
>"Hi," greeted Cadance.  "You were the one wrote that poem, right?"
>You quickly elbow Shining in the chest when he didn't respond.
>"Ow!  I-I mean...  Yes!  Yes, that was me!" he shouted, unable to control his voice.
"Bring it down a little," you hiss into his ear.
>"Yeah.  I thought so.  So, what was that poem about?" she asked.
>"Uh...  I- uh...  I'd r-rather leave it open to interpretation.  Uh...  What did- 'you' think of it?" he asked.
>Not very smooth, but nice deflection.
>"It sounded heart-breaking to me," replied Cadance.  "Like the cow was looking for someone.  Almost like it was a personal story."
>"Yes that's me!" blurted out Shining.  "I mean, uh...  Yeah.  It was a loner.  Like you said.  He was alone.  B-but not by choice, mind you!"
>This guy's about to blow it.
>"Well I'm sure he will find someone very special very soon," replied Cadance.
>Yeah, he fucking blew it.
 
>"I've noticed you are in my advanced Equestrian class, too," she continued.  "Perhaps you would like to study sometime?  I could use a different perspective on some of these reading assignments."
>Or maybe not.
>"YES!" shouted Shining.
>Cadance covered her mouth to stifle a giggle.
>"Alright.  I'll see you later, then?"
>"O-Of course!"
"We didn't get your name," you pipe up, knowing that Shining probably did do something suspicious to find it out.
>"Just call me 'Cadance'," she replied.
>"That's such a pretty name..." complimented Shining, drooling a little bit.
>You give him another quick elbow.
>"Ow- I'm Shining Armor!" he said.
"And I'm Anonymous.  Or Anon.  I don't care."
>"Nice to meet you both," said Cadance before she left the cafe.
 
>You watch until she's gone before you backhand Shining on the muzzle.
"What the hell is wrong with you!"
>"What?  I panicked!"
"Yeah?  Well you're lucky it didn't cost you.  You may have been looking at ano-"
>You feel something at your knees.
>It was spilled pasta.
"Aw!  What the fuck!" you shout as you quickly stand up.
>"Sorry," apologized another cafe patron.  "I tripped by accident."
>On stage, a mare with a tight black turtleneck sweater and beret was setting up bongo drums.
"Yeah, we should get out of here before you make a bigger ass out of yourself or I go to jail," you say to Shining Armor.
>"Okay."
>As you head for the door, you see Maud standing nearby.
>"I told you there was a high chance of seeing each other again," she said.
"Yes.  Yes you did."
>Well she didn't lie.
>You get behind Shining and quickly push him up the stairs.
"Go, go, go!" you whisper quickly.
>"Who's that?" he asked.
"Shut up and go!"
>One last shove and you were both back into open air.