>You wake up in your bed.
>What the fuck happened?
>Oh yeah, Twilight happened.
>Damn sleep spell.
>You check your clock
>3:39 pm
>You notice your bag of clothes laying on your bed.
>Put on the spare clothes.
>You walk out of the bedroom and head to the kitchen to get you something to drink.
>You see Twilight and Applejack at the table drinking coffee.
>Coffee in the middle of the day?
>That's ridiculous. Silly ponies.
>Wait, that's your coffee they're drinking.
"Well sure help yourselves to some coffee why don't ya?"
>"Heh heh sorry about that." Twilight replied.
"What are you two doing here?"
>"Well we had to get ya home somehow darlin'. Or would you rather Fluttershy get word of you passed out half nude in the town somewhere?"
"....shit, good point."
>"That's what Ah thought." Applejack replied.
>"Anon, Applejack has something to tell you, RIGHT Applejack?"
>"Oh come on that was funny! Seeing Anon running through town with nothin' but a towel was priceless!"
"Fuck you Applejack."
>"Don't tease me loverboy."
>"Applejack! Apologize to Anon right now!"
>"Alright gosh, Sorry Anon."
"Get out, Now."
>"We're going, We're going. Sorry I had to put you to sleep."
"Just get out."
>"Okay, see you later Anon." Twilight replied.
>Twilight and Applejack start to leave you place.
>As they leave Twilight turns to you.
>"By the way you're running low on coffee."
>Did they have to drink up all your coffee?
>Now you got to go to grocery shopping.
>You'll do it tomorrow. You don't feel like showing your face in town.
>Fuck.
 
>Twilight and Applejack leave your place and head back to wherever they came from.
>You figure staying inside for the rest of the day would be a good idea.
>As long as Fluttershy doesn't show up.
>A break from all this Tom Foolery would be nice.
>knock knock at the door.
>Well fuck you too Universe.
>You open the door
>Pinkie Pie at the door.
>Well, that's a first.
>Sorry Universe.
"Hey Pinkie what's up?"
>"Just stop by to give you these."
>Pulls out your shoes out of a safe from thin air.
>allthewut.jpg
>"Here ya go Anon, nice and clean too."
"Pinkie, teach me your ways of the nonsense."
>"Nopey dopey lopey, If I do the voices of Gallifrey will be a bunch of meanie faces."
>What?
"What?"
>"Well? Take your stuff already."
"Oh right."
>You take your shoes and put them inside of the house by the front door entrance.
"Thank you Pinkie, see you later."
>"Alrighty tighty, see ya around Anon."
>She leaves without saying another word.
>Pinkie just got more creepy than ever before.
>Pinkie what are you? Even unicorns couldn't do half the shit she does.
>It's like logic is her bitch or something.
>Damn Pinkie you scary.
>You close the door and chill for the rest of the day.
>Midnight train arrives at the station.
>Sleep peacefully.
 
>Day Fuck Apples in Equestria.
>Wake up.
>Do morning ritual.
>Go to your kitchen and make the last of your coffee.
>Knock knock mothafucka.
>You go to your door with your coffee mug.
>Answer the door.
>It's Fluttershy. Not that you're surprised.
>She's bowing down to you, presenting what seems to be a present.
"What do you want?"
>"A g-g-gift for you Anon."
>You pick up the box and open it.
>A yellow and pink fleshlight with her cutie mark on it.
"Now you know I'm not going to use this ever right?"
>"Please take it, should you ever have an urge and I'm not around."
"Ha! You're too funny Fluttershy. Don't you have a fetish guess or something?"
>"No, but...wanna do it?"
"Sure! Let's do it!"
>"Really?!"
"No, go home. Fuck off."
>"Awww, Darn. Well, wanna cuddle?"
>Ugh stop being adorable please.
"No, goodbye Fluttershy."
>"But, but-"
"GOODBYE Fluttershy."
>You slam the door in her face and walk to the kitchen.
>You toss the gift she gave you in the trash can.
>Fucking Fluttershy.
 
>One minute you can't stand her and the next you want to awww.
>Adorable ponies that want to rape you is just a deadly combination.
>Just how many out there are like Fluttershy?
>Nevermind, don't ask. The Universe just might answer it with a knock at the door.
>Time to go to the store and buy some coffee.
>Hopefully every mare in town that saw you half naked forgot yesterday's fiasco.
>You check the fridge and cabinets to see if there's anything else is missing.
>Just need coffee. Good just one item.
>You grab your wallet and keys and head for the town.
>You really hope you don't have to deal with any Tom Foolery today other than Fluttershy's.
>Dealing with Fluttershy's pahootiny is one thing, but other than that, you'd be ready to flip some tables like it's going out of style.
>As you walk through the town you hear all kinds of comments and conversations as you go along.
>"I'd like me a piece of that.", "I bet he gives the best belly rubs.", "Whew Celestia forgive me for I have sinned."
>Damn mares, why couldn't women be all over you back on earth?
>Anon stop thinking like that, at least something wants you. Beggars can't be choosers.
>"Hey you with the hands! Come here sexy!" some minty looking mare said.
>This is getting creepy.
>You begin running into a full blown sprint like a boss to the store.
>Looks like yesterday is still fresh in their mind.
>The last thing you need is another Fluttershy on your hands.
>"Hey wait!"
>Oh hell no, you just want to get some fucking coffee.
>You arrive at the store and whoever this mare is, is still following you.
>You run into the aisle where the coffee is located.
>You look over your shoulder for a second to confirm whether or not she's still following you.
>It seems you lost her, for now anyway. You keep running anyway.
>From you being distracted, you bump into a pony in the aisle.
>You both tumble and roll a few feet like some kind of cartoon.
>The rolling and tumbling stop and you're on top of the pony
>You hear giggling. "We'll Ah'll be loverboy, Ain't this a small world?"
>Great, It's Applejack. The last pony you want to see right now.
>Well this is awkward.
>"Oh my my and apple pie! What if somep0ny sees us Anon?! You're so bad!" she said to the top of her lungs.
>Could she have said that more louder?
>"Did somep0ny say Anon?! Where's that man with the magic hands?!" A random mare shouted.
>Shit, you can't even buy coffee in peace.
>This is your life now. Being constantly lusted after in the land of talking colorful ponies.
>Applejack equips her troll face.
>"HE'S IN AISLE SEVEN NEXT TO THE COFFEE!!" Applejack shouted.
"God damn it Applejack!"
>"Ah suggest you get to runnin' loverboy."
>You get off of Applejack and grab a can of coffee and run to the nearest checkout line.
>Coffee, that's all you wanted just some motherfucking coffee.
>Fuck you Applejack.
 
>Why does she have the need to fuck with you?
>Looks like you're going to have to keep running, all the checkout lines are full.
>The express lane is being slowed down by Granny Smith with her 37 items on a 10 items or less lane. Even in this realm the elderly do that.
>"Now where did Ah put those gosh darn bits?"
>Damn it! That express lane was your hope for escape.
>Granny Smith must be in on it too. That was way too convenient.
>CAHOOTS!
>"Wait please!" the minty looking pony said.
>Hell naw.
>You're causing quite the commotion in the store.
>Suddenly, you trip over a hind leg causing you to fly in to a stack of ramane noodles.
>Wait.
>Ramane.
>Ramen.
>Thank you Lord!
>You turn over to see who was the asshole that tripped you.
>You're met with sinister looking green eyes.
>Fucking Applejack with her troll face.
>How'd she catch up to you so fast?
>"Well, hello thur sugarcube."
"Applejack, why?"
>"Fur the laughs of course. What's that Anon?! Free tummy rubs for all the ladies?!"
>"Tummy rubs?! Where?!"
>"Do mine ears deceive me?! Where is this Anon?! The Great and Powerful Trixie demands a belly rub!"
>"Well isn't this just my Roseluck!"
>Well fuck you too Applejack.
 
End of Part 2