Daring-Do and the Search for Fucks to Give
 
>Things could be going better right now.
>As much as you like someone holding your tongue between pliers and threatening to remove it from your mouth, you would like to be somewhere else.
>"Now for the last... time. Where. Is. The. Statue."
"Ah to'd oou. Ah don' kno!"
>This asshole doesn't care.
>He was paid to do his job, and he is doing it.
>Even if you told him, you're a dead man.
>He lets out a sigh and smiles.
>"Then I hope you enjoy being a mute."
>And with that he yanks your tongue out further and one of his cronies holds up a white-hot knife.
>At this point you would rather be dead.
>You have no fucks to give.
>With a final shrug, you just close your eyes.
>As soon as the white-hot knife touches your tongue you pass out.
>"Throw this waste of space into the garbage. He's not our problem now."
>"But boss, we didn't get the loca-"
>He shoots his cronie in the chest, cutting him off.
>"Not my problem...."
>He whistles a merry tune as he walks out of the building.
>You are left there.
>Tied to a chair and lying on your back.
>Good thing you can make yourself pass out for a moment.
>Right now the only thing that matters, aside from the horrible pain where your tongue used to be, is comfort.
>You want to be comfortable when you die.
>You work the rope holding your wrists.
>These guys are small time.
>They can't even tie a proper knot.
 
>Without trying too much, the bindings fall to the floor and you are free.
>If you had a fuck to give, you might've given it to that dead guy there, he could probably use it.
>You approach a small table that had all your possessions laid out on it.
>Your six-shooter, your hat, and your knife.
>The core items any good adventure seeker needs.
>You debated getting a whip, but turned it down.
>It's a bit cliche.
>And you would hate to be seen as cliche.
>You don your marvelous hat.
>This beast had been through more shit than you had... well... maybe not anymore.
>With your hat now on properly, you leave the warehouse where those goons had you.
>Again, cliche.
>You fucking HATE cliches.
>You have one thing to do before you can die in comfort.
>Get your tongue back.
>You start to head off in the direction that the boss's car took, when you feel it.
>Eyes on you.
>Ya dun go-
>You take a blackjack to the back of the head and everything goes black.
>You smash face first into the ground and are left there as the rest of the goons take off, leaving you bleeding on the street.
 
>"And thus begins our tale."
>A mustard colored p0ny began.
>Her audience captivated by the first-hand accounts of her daring and adventurous exploits.
>"Ahuitzotl had me trapped, TRAPPED. Ropes held me secure to an alter."
>Dramatic pause.
>"Suddenly spider covered spikes shot out from the wall, and started closing in. Cobras spewed fourth from the mouth of a statue and quicksand poured in from the roof."
>Daring-Do's audience let out a collective gasp at how her nemesis planned to... dispose of her.
>"My first thought was 'Wow... cliche?' I dislike cliches, and will not be going out anytime soon from something such as that! Thinking quickly, I placed my hat over my hoof and took aim."
>She mimicked the action, lying on her back with her hat on her hoof.
>"I would only have one shot at this.... Away! I let loose my hat and prepared for the best. Not today, cliche! Once, twice, three times. The quicksand was too high, so I took a final breath as it went up over my muzzle."
>The gathered p0nies had all forgotten to breath.
>A dropped pin would land pointy end down, so the noise it made would be even less... and it would be able to catch the last bit of the story.
>"Maybe this plan wasn't go-Light! I burst from the quicksand and looked around. my hat was resting under the lever that shut this atrocious machine off. Success! I burst from the ropes binding me to the alter. 'Another day... another dungeon.'"
>The windows could barely contain the cheers from the gathered p0nies.
>Daring-Do noticed that it was getting late, and as a good adventurer she knew that she needed her... adventure sleep.
>"The rest will come when I get back. Until then!"
>She stood up quickly and launched herself over the occupied tables before landing in a roll and rushing out through the doors.
 
>Sleeping under a roof still felt strange to her.
>The stars were just too beautiful, why would you want to hide from them.
>"Curse this broken wing! I want to lie on a cloud and watch the stars at night."
>She casually made her way through the forest to the clearing she had found earlier that day.
>She stood at the treeline, her clothes blending perfectly as she scouted her camp, as she did every night.
>Ahuitzotl had snuck into her camp before, and she was not about to let that happen again.
>Her tent was as she had left it, door slightly ajar with the insect net in place.
>Campfire ready to be lit for the night.
>Strange creature lying in a pool of blood.
>And her chair.
>"Perfect!"
>She jumps the last distance and stands besides the creature she found earlier that day.
>Any adventurer worth her salt knew how to treat wounds, just look at her wing.
>She had treated the creatures wounds and left it lying there, a blanket covering its legs.
>Time would show if it would wake up.
>For now?
>A certain p0ny needed her adventure sleep.
>She rests her hat atop one of the tent poles and climb inside.
>The spacious inside contains her sleeping bag and items she needs to keep dry.
>Such as the Sapphire Stone.
>Ahuitzotl still wanted it.
>The museum at Canterlot needed it a lot more.
>With those thoughts spinning in her head, she drifted off to sleep.
 
>You open your eyes to the sounds of a crackling fire and the smell of smoke.
>You attempt to sit up, but the world rolls and you collapse back down.
>"Woah, woah, woah there big... thing? You were pretty banged up when I found you. I treated your wounds, but you still need rest."
-Thank you for your help, but I don't like to be in debted to anyone. So I'll just get out of your hair.-
>Was what you thought you said, what you really said was nothing.
>"Don't worry about it. Judging from your clothes you seems to be like me, I'd be glad to help any adventurer."
>It's around this time that the memories of the previous... day? come flooding back.
>Tongue, gone.
>Head, split.
>Location, unknown.
>Communication, limited.
>This is going to be fun.
>You lie there on your back, head bandaged and just hope that whoever is talking to you will be able to understand you when you write it out.
>You attempt to pull yourself up again, and it's easier this time.
>You even get yourself into a sitting position.
>"Heh, I know that feeling. Here, lemme get you something to rest your back against."
>You rub your face as you feel a log being rolled against your back.
>You turn to thank the person and you see the person that has been helping you.
>It's not a person, it's a p0ny.
>You just stare at her as she brings you a bowl of soup.
>She sets it in your lap and continues to go about her business.
>A mustard colored Pegasus p0ny is talking to you and has bandaged your wounds and cooked you a meal.
 
>Your arms mechanically bring the bowl up to your mouth and you drink the broth.
>Vegetable soup, but it is quite good.
>You are still trying to come to grips with what the fuck is happening when the mustard p0ny comes back.
>"I'm Daring-Do, explorer and adventurer. Can you talk?"
-I can talk... but not to you....-
>Thinking to yourself sure is fun.
>You shake your head and open your mouth, gesturing to your mutilated tongue.
>Daring lifts an eyebrow and cocks her head to the side.
>"Can you write?"
>She pulls out a notepad and a pencil.
-This might work.-
>You quickly scribble out "Call me Anon, Archaeologist."
>You rip the piece of paper off and pocket the notepad.
>You hand the paper to Daring and she grabs it.
-Hoof... holding paper.... Where am I?-
>You shake your head and just stare at her blankly.
>She stares at the paper way too hard.
>Her face scrunches up and she pulls it closer to her face.
>"Sorry, but I don't know what the buck I'm reading."
>You just stare at her blankly again.
>"But I like the cut of your jibe. So instead of ditching you back at that inn I was just at, I decided to take you with me."
>She hits her hoof against her chest as she is speaking and pauses before hitting you in the chest.
>"I'm not sure if you can understand me, so nod if you can."
>You wait a moment before nodding slowly.
-This has to be a dream. Or I'm dead.-
>"Perfect! Now I saw you didn't have a cutie mark while I was bandaging you, so I'm feeling nice today. Let's get you a cutie mark in adventuring, like mine!"
>Blank Stare, you sure are going to be getting good at these.
 
>"Now, it's bedtime, all good adventurer needs their adventure-sleep."
>You look around the camp and spread your arms slightly.
-And where will I be sleeping I wonder....-
>This can't be good, all this 'thinking' to yourself.
>"Oh yeah... well.... I suppose you can sleep with me tonight. At least until I get another tent.
>Daring makes her way over to her tent and crawls inside.
>You stand there, staring at the tent for a moment before a mustard colored hoof pokes out and gestures for you to come in.
>Finally, you get down low and get crawl into the tent.
-Fuck it's cramped in here.-
>"Well... it is a little small.... Oh well."
>The forest was cold and the tent kept in enough heat that the both of you were fine sleeping with no blankets and just the insect net in place.
>"Well... good night."
-I've lost control of my life....-
>You start to drift off to sleep.
>Daring seems to be able to instantly drift off to sleep and she rolls around a lot.
>You quickly find yourself being pulled in closer to the mustard p0ny.
>You just blankly stare at her sleeping face and sigh.
-Fuck it. Time for 'Adventure-sleep.-
>You quickly fall asleep, the events of the day helping you.
 
>Your eyes flutter open, the early sounds of the forest coming to you.
>The first cognizant image you can make out is the grey scale mane of the mustard p0ny from last night.
-What the FUCK... this isn't a dream....-
>You look down and see that she has pulled herself to your chest has her cheek against your shoulder, her muzzle almost touching your ear.
>One thing people will NEVER say about you is that you are not a gentlemen.
>There is no way to not wake this p0ny up and leave.
-Well shit... go back to sleep.-
>You close your eyes and you just lay there.
>You take a deep breath through your nose.
-Her mane smells of raspberries.... Delicious.-
>She has rolled on top of your arm and it has since lost feeling.
>The day hasn't even started and it gets better and better.
-Alright... so. No idea where I am. Mustard p0ny sleeping on my chest. I'm going 'adventuring' and can't communicate. Should be fun.-
>You yawn as the sun starts to peak over the mountains.
>Daring-Do woke up as soon as the sun touched her.
>With a yawn she stretched, her hooves on either side of your face.
>"Morning."
>She continued to lay on your chest, her nose almost touching yours as she looked into your eyes.
>You nod to her in response.
>"Today we begin. Ahuitzotl has tracked down the Blazing Bridle and wants to take it. I say neiggghhh."
>You sigh at the pun, but she doesn't catch it.