Asshole Anon in Equestria - First Day
 
>You find yourself in quite the... predicament.
>You don't want to admit to yourself that you aren't in Kansas anymore.
>Firstly, because you weren't in Kansas to begin with.
>Secondly, because you don't like to be wrong.
>This statement has been plaguing you for the past 5 minutes.
>So much so that you stopped your aimless wandering and just sat down, attempting to figure it out.
>In your musings, you fail to notice the cyan colored blot trailing rainbows flying around the sky above you.
>Rainbow doesn't fail to notice you sitting there.
>She stops suddenly, flapping her wings and staring at you.
>You hear it.
>The fucking buzzing of a god damned bug.
"FUCK THIS SHIT!"
>You get up and flail your arms wildly, searching for any form of weapon for you to use.
>There, you see it.
>A rock resting on the soft earth.
>Rainbow just scratches her head as the... monkey... flails about and runs in circles.
>You stop.
>Take a deep breath.
>GRABTHEROCKANDTHROWTHATSHIT.
>Good thing that fucking cyan insect wasn't expecting it.
>You hit it squarely in what you think is its head.
>It falls into the trees, making a loud crashing noise.
"Ten points!"
>You shoot your fist into the sky and then bring it down.
"Come to think of it... that was a pretty stupid bug. I should check it."
>You start to head off in the direction that it hit the ground in.
"Why am I talking to myself, it's not like anyone is readi-listening to me."
 
>You slap some branches out of your face and enter the clearing created from the insects crash.
>Lying in the middle of the clearing, stars floating above its head is the insect.
"Oh GOD... it's HIDEOUS.... Although I am pretty hungry...."
>You inch closer and poke at it with your foot.
>You took your shoes off as you didn't want to dirty them with this insects filth.
>You could wash your toe.
>Shoes took FOR GOD DAMNED EVER to dry.
>Even when you set them under a fucking heater.
>That shit never works.
>They always just turn warm and never really dry and then give that 'squish' noise when you walk.
"FUCK I HATE WET SHOES."
>You have all but forgotten about the insect lying in the clearing.
>"Wha... what happened?"
"Holy shit it... it...."
>You grab a hanging branch and snap it from the tree.
"It didn't die!"
>You break the branch over the insects head.
>You walk up to it and grab it by its hind legs and drag it through toe forest towards a stream you found.
>Whistling a merry tune as you do so.
>You arrive at the aforementioned stream after a smooth walk.
>It wasn't as smooth for the insect you were dragging.
>Its hair and fur is in a horrible disarray.
>Good thing you don't want to eat the fur and hair.
>What are you... uncivilized.
"Hah! As if. I am the pinnac-I'm doing it again! Stop it!"
>You attempt to slap yourself, but miss and instead hit the insect in the muzzle.
 
>You strip down and wade out into the stream, dragging your dinner behind you.
>Lifting it above the water you realize that it is quite light.
"Hmm... must have hollow bones and all for flying. I probably could've carried it and inconvenienced myself less than dragging it. Oh well."
>Laughing, you dunk the insect into the water and pull it out.
>The 'insect' wakes up and starts to spit out water.
"This su-"
>You dunk it again.
"-ite the tas-"
>And again.
"eal."
>Rainbow just looks at you. Her face conveying the message of 'What the fuck guy.'
>You smile at the insect and dunk it under the water again.
>Rainbow starts to flail around.
>You hold its head under the water for good measure, inspecting the nails of your left hand.
>Her hoof connects with your right hand and she breaks away, breaking the surface and taking a deep breath.
"You are awake! I'm so glad you're alive! I was worried when you hit that branch you hurt yourself."
>You grab Rainbow in a massive bear hug and hold her to your chest.
>"Uhh... wh-what happened? You must be the thing I saw from the sky...."
>Still holding her to your chest, you grab one of her wings and extend it.
".... Not much meat on the bones...."
>"What're you doing back there?"
>You drop her wing and hold her wet, dripping form out at arms length.
"You saw me from the sky? You mean that rainbow was you?"
>"Yeah. It's cause I'm so fast and all."
"Fast? Fuck no, that was slow as shit. I've seen faster runs in my shorts."
>You giggle like a thirteen year old school girl at your joke and drop the insect into the water before walking back to shore.
 
>Rainbow swims to the shore and shakes her mane out.
"Da fuck guy? I was dry a minute ago. Now I'm soaking wet. Some people...."
>You shake your head and look over at the insect angrily.
>Rainbow just gives you a flat look.
>You just give her an annoyed look back.
>"So, uh... thanks for washing me off I guess."
"But of course! I always clean my food before I eat it."
>"Wh-what?"
>She is so stunned by surprise that she doesn't react for a second.
>It's all the time you need.
>Before Rainbow can react you have her by the waist and proceed to eat.
>You hold one of her hind legs up and start to gnaw on it.
>She starts to struggle... but alas, it is in vain.
>A blush comes to her face and her wing stiffen up.
>Apparently she likes being man-handled.
>"St-stop it!"
>You ignore this insects protests as you continue to gnaw on her leg.
>Her legs are flailing about more and more, but this dissuades you none.
>"Le-let me g-go!"
"Muh!"
>You attempt to say 'No!' through your teeth, but it doesn't quite work out.
>You steadily move up her leg until you get to the joint.
>It's quite boney here so you spit it out and move further up.
>You notice a strange mark on her flank.
"Bueno!"
>You gently quest towards it with your tongue and lick it.
>It tastes like salt and the stream you just washed this insect in.
>"N-no!"
>She isn't struggling as much now, and you take the opportunity to bit down on her cutie mark.
>She gasps in pleasure as a sensitive part of her body is stimulated.
>It's chewy.
>....
>This is getting you nowhere.
 
>Doing what your parents told you not to do, you spit your food out.
"I cannot eat this! It's not even cooked!"
>Rainbow's face is flushed and she is twitching.
>The water of your leg feels wet...er.
"Ewwwww...."
>You toss the trash aside and she lands on a pile of leaves.
>They stick to her soaked mare... body.
"Seeing as how you can speak. Is there anyplace nearby that I could get some food."
>You poke the insect with your foot again.
>Rainbow is unconscious.
>....
"Well... seeing as how she came from a south-southwest-erly direction, I think I wi-I NEED TO STOP TALKING TO THE REA-MYSELF.
>Not knowing what else to do you pull some vines off a nearby tree and make a harness out of them.
>You make a bit out of a 'bit' of wood.
>You slip the harness over the insects back and position it over her wings.
>They will make a comfy seat.
>You slip the bit into its mouth and stand back.
>Admiring your work you make a rope out of the vines.
>You stand the insect on on its four legs and sit on its back, lashing yourself down.
>You then stand up, the insect dangling between your legs.
>You're giggling like a thirteen year old school girl again.
>You just stand there, a blank look on your face as you wait for the insect to wake up and carry you to the town.
 
>Eventually Rainbow wakes up.
>Her legs are dangling beneath her.
>"WH-what's happening?!?"
"Mush!"
>You sit down and the insects scrambling legs barely hold your weight.
>"What do you th-"
>You pull back on the bit in its mouth.
"I said MUSH!"
>You stand up and start hopping through the forest.
>You pretend you are riding a horse.
>Giggling to yourself the whole way.
>Rainbow can't speak through the bit and can only take the abuse as you whip her around to clear the under brush.
>Your soaked clothes dry quickly, luckily for you you have a nice absorbent insect between your legs.
>You reach back and slap her flank.
>Rainbow gasps in pleasure through the bit.
>She starts to move her legs in an attempt to run.
>You happily oblige her.
>Sitting down, she catches your weight easily and takes off.
>You make a mental connection between strange mark on flank and doing as told.
"Perfect."
>You slap her flank again and she moves faster than Fluttershy at an Abused Animal Convention.
>What the fuck is that even?
>You break from the forest and see a town in the distance.
"Oh FUCK what is that yellow thing? Oh GOD! Another insect! I can hear the buzzing!"
 
>You dig your feet into the ground and halt the, still sprinting, Rainbow.
>Fluttershy's wings lock tight into her body and she falls to the ground.
>A, rather quiet, 'eep' escapes her.
>Had you not been so intent on DESTROYING THE FUCKING INSECTS you might've d'awwww'd.
"Sick em, boy!"
>You slap the insect's flank between your legs and release the knot holding it in place.
>Rainbow takes off like a cyan bullet and slams into Fluttershy.
"It's like I know what I'm doing!"
>You swag over to the two insects.
>There might be people around, time to engage SWAG.
>You put your hands to your collar and pop it.
>Repeating the motion you do it again.
>And once more for good measure.
>You are currently sporting three popped collars, no shoes, khaki shorts and 5 shell necklaces.
>No one can stop your SWAG.
>Your trained insect has the other insect pinned.
>"O-oh Rainbow... wh-what are you d-doing here? A-and who is your... h-h-h-h-h-"
"FUCKING SAY IT ALREADY!"
>Fluttershy 'eeps' again and Rainbow turns to look at you, a scowl on her... face?
>"Don't yell at Flutter-"
"My pet will not talk back to me!"
>You start to vigorously rub her flank.
>Rainbow's eyes roll into the back of her head and her legs start to wobble.
>You turn to Fluttershy.
"So insect... where might I find food around here?"
>"Pl-please stop th-that. Rainbow Dash doesn't like i-it."
>You raise an eyebrow and turn to this 'Rainbow Dash.'
"Its name is Rainbow Dash? And here I thought it was just an insect."
 
>"O-oh no. Rainbow is a Pegasus Pone... ju-just like me."
>Insect number two bats her eyelash's at you.
>You just stare at her.
"Pone's you say?"
>"Y-yes. She is a Pegasus Pone... a-and I am too."
>She moves closer to you and turns her flank to you.
>"Y-you could rub my flank... i-if you wanted too...."
>You just look at her.
"Sorry, but I just need food."
>JUST THEN, a Rabbit darted from the bush's and stood.
>Staring into your very soul.
"Well hello, you delicious morsel you."
>You lunge for the Rabbit and catch it easily.
>Its guard was down.
>You lift it to your mouth, not even caring that it still had fur.
>You remember the taste of 'Rainbow's' fur... it was pretty good.
>You start to bite down on its foot.
>"Stop right there, Mister!"
>Your teeth are biting into the foot of the Rabbit, who is squirming in your grip.
>"You will NOT eat Angel today!"
>Her eyes.
 
>You blink and shake your head.
>You look around you.
>You are in a a house.
>A bedroom to be exact and you are bound and gagged.
-Did I get lucky last night? Was that all a dream?-
>You look around again, attempting to piece together your thoughts.
>"O-oh... you're awake. How... nice."
>Whoever put this gag in did a shitty job of it as you work it from your mouth.
"Hello."
>The question catches her off guard as she climbs onto the bed with you.
>"H-hello Mister."
"Call me Anon."
>You bat your eyes at her.
"And I must say... I quite like where this is going.... But...."
>She pauses again.
>She is slowly creeping towards your groin.
>"But?"
"But... if you wanted to enjoy my... member... all you had to do was ask."
>"O-oh.... I-is that your fetish?"
"Wh-Y-yes. Yes it is."
>The question catches you off guard, but you quickly recover.
"I've been up for quite a while and will not... perform... at my peak if you do something now. Perhaps we could just... cuddle? Then continue tomorrow."
>Your mind is racing faster every minute.
>"Oh... that would be splendid. I spent the day wo-"
>You filter her voice out and close your eyes. Sleep coming quickly.
>Good thing too, as Fluttershy went on for another two hours about her day and what she did.
 
Fin.