[21:51:05] Bartl3by: Have I actually pushed DE to it's limits by actually committing beastiality
[21:51:12] Bartl3by: instead of ust joking
[21:51:21] Smudge Proof: You are my hero
[21:51:29] A Racist Zebra: On what, dogs? Horses?
[21:51:43] Bartl3by: two dogs, one calf.
[21:51:45] Smudge Proof: A calf is fine too
[21:51:53] A Racist Zebra: lol, fucking sweet
[21:52:02] Smudge Proof: calf: sucky?
[21:52:17] Bartl3by: come to think of it, rat would probably be impressed as well.
[21:52:31] Bartl3by: And yes, they were ALL sucky.
[21:52:34] A Racist Zebra: She would
[21:52:47] Raindrops: impressed.jpg
[21:52:49] Bartl3by: shall I tell you the details?
[21:52:53] Bartl3by: I want to
[21:52:56] Bartl3by: really badly
[21:53:01] A Racist Zebra: Do you even need to ask?
[21:53:05] Bartl3by: Im getting hard just remembering it
[21:53:09] Smudge Proof: you cocktease
[21:53:12] Smudge Proof: you horrid person
[21:53:18] A Racist Zebra: TELL TELL!
[21:53:24] Raindrops: im all ears
[21:53:32] Bartl3by: Okay, I shall tell them in order.
[21:53:53] Smudge Proof: I've got to go now, but I will read it
[21:54:38] Bartl3by: I have been interested in boning non-humans for several years, but I only managed to go through with a few months ago
[21:55:00] Mellen: hehehe
[21:55:50] Bartl3by: By "go through with" I mean "actually have an orgasm."
[21:55:57] Bartl3by: Anyway.
[21:56:33] Bartl3by: It was a few months ago. My father's entire side of the family lives on a dairy farm.
[21:57:05] Bartl3by: Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, they all live in one house or within a few miles
[21:57:45] A Racist Zebra: And?
[21:57:50] A Racist Zebra: keep going
[21:58:19] Bartl3by: And they have a dog. Female, one year old, named Fergie.
[21:58:26] Bartl3by: Black lab.
[21:59:02] Bartl3by: She's really cute, always excited when we show up. Jumps up on me, runs around in circles, always wants to play.
[21:59:21] Bartl3by: Also, like most dogs, rather "orally-fixated" shall we say.
[22:00:21] Bartl3by: I'd wanted to see if I get her to suck me off for a while at that point, so I finally manned up and did it.
[22:01:04] Bartl3by: (Did I seriously just use the phrase "man up" to describe beastiality? lol)
[22:01:27] A Racist Zebra: lol
[22:01:34] A Racist Zebra: brb taking a piss
[22:01:36] MISSINGNO.: Yeah, you didn't puss out.
[22:02:03] Bartl3by: At a point when everyone else was preoccupied with family shit, I went outside.
[22:03:00] Bartl3by: Fergie, while allowed indoors, is usually kept outside in a large enclosure that they used to keep chickens in.
[22:03:21] Bartl3by: It's got a jungle gym for her and the kids, lot's of space.
[22:04:11] Bartl3by: So I went inside the fence, and of course she was jumping up on me and licking my face.
[22:05:11] Bartl3by: I petted her for a while until she wasn't quite so full of energy, and then I lead her over to a space that can only be described as an alley.
[22:05:54] Bartl3by: In the sense that it was a small space between the huge equipment shed and the even more huge barn.
[22:07:02] Mellen: you dragged her into an alley and raped her
[22:07:42] Bartl3by: There was no way anyone could see what we were doing unless they came right up to the mouth of the alley.
[22:08:27] Bartl3by: And if they did, I'd hear them and be able to get my dick back in my jeans.
[22:08:43] heidi: lawl
[22:09:15] Bartl3by: So anyway I brought her over there and got on my knees.
[22:09:24] A Racist Zebra: And, and?
[22:09:33] Bartl3by: Naturally she began to lick my face.
[22:09:42] heidi: this is great
[22:10:28] Bartl3by: I unzipped and whipped it out. At that point I was only half-hard because I was nervous about getting caught.
[22:11:12] Bartl3by: When Ferge got tired of my face she saw my dick and got curious.
[22:11:35] Bartl3by: Just a few licks and I was painfully hard.
[22:12:01] A Racist Zebra: OoOoO Boy, keep going
[22:12:08] Bartl3by: (anyone else ever have that? a dick so hard it kinda hurts?
[22:12:20] MISSINGNO.: You're a desperate little slut.
[22:12:33] Bartl3by: oh yes i am
[22:12:37] A Racist Zebra: We all are, keep going
[22:12:45] Mellen: I'm sure every male who doesn't have problems getting an erection in the first place has experienced that at some point
[22:12:52] Bartl3by: OK FINE JEEZ
[22:13:00] Bartl3by: FUCK ME FOR BUILDING A MOMENT
[22:13:08] MISSINGNO.: he's buildi-
[22:13:10] MISSINGNO.: yeah
[22:14:28] Bartl3by: She licked for a while and it was awesome. Sometimes she would get bored and lick my face agan or give me this look like she wanted me to pet her.
[22:15:41] Bartl3by: But usually all I had to do was kinda push my dick near her face with my hips and she'd be all WAG WAG DICKS WAG SLURP
[22:16:46] Bartl3by: Couldn't keep it up forever though. She was a dog, sure, but licking something still gets boring after a while.
[22:17:12] heidi: (y)
[22:17:44] Bartl3by: And plus, as awesome as the licks were, and as much as the fuckedup nature of what I was doing made it even more awesoem;
[22:18:05] A Racist Zebra: (clap)
[22:18:10] Bartl3by: I knew wasn't going to come from idle licking, no matter how long she took.
[22:18:22] Bartl3by: ohstopityou.jpeg
[22:19:02] Bartl3by: But did Bartl3by give up? No!
[22:19:13] Bartl3by: He hatched a plan.
[22:19:37] Bartl3by: I went back inside and got some butter.
[22:19:52] heidi: this gets even better
[22:19:57] heidi: go on
[22:20:05] Bartl3by: Or margarine. Or I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. whatevs
[22:20:12] Bartl3by: I grabbed the whole tub.\
[22:20:27] Bartl3by: I went back out to the alley-type-place
[22:21:04] Bartl3by: She was still waiting for me, looking adorable, which got me even hornier
[22:21:30] Bartl3by: I knew she loved butter, so I rubbed a layer of it all over my cock.
[22:21:45] heidi: then she opened the door, you both got down on the floor and walked the dinosaur
[22:21:52] Bartl3by: success.jpeg
[22:22:14] Bartl3by: I swear, this is what actually happened!
[22:22:20] heidi: pics.
[22:22:27] Bartl3by: How dare you slander me.
[22:22:40] heidi: pics or it never happened
[22:22:43] heidi: lets see your buttery cock
[22:23:08] Bartl3by: I didn't take pics, and it was months ago.
[22:23:23] Bartl3by: I could butter on my cock right now.
[22:23:28] Bartl3by: Would that help?
[22:23:30] heidi: thatll do, i guess
[22:23:32] tgbnaomi: Yes
[22:23:33] A Racist Zebra: Kinda
[22:23:40] Bartl3by: gimme a sec
[22:23:47] Bartl3by: then the saga continues
[22:23:47] tgbnaomi: :3
[22:24:16] A Racist Zebra: yay
[22:46:13] Bartl3by: http://i.imgur.com/6G7RX.jpg
[22:46:18] Bartl3by: well, shit.
[22:46:37] Bartl3by: i forgot to use a mirror, so the text is backwards.
[22:46:48] Bartl3by: but im glistening.
[22:46:54] Bartl3by: that's what counts
[22:46:58] heidi: wheres the butter
[22:47:09] Mellen: saved for blackmail
[22:47:11] Bartl3by: all over my shaft
[22:47:13] heidi: ah caint see no butter
[22:47:20] Bartl3by: well, ya see
[22:47:20] MISSINGNO.: melted butter
[22:47:26] Bartl3by: when butter gets
[22:47:28] Bartl3by: hot
[22:47:30] Stefan: no butter
[22:47:36] Bartl3by: like if you rub it all over yourself
[22:47:36] tgbnaomi: A stick of butter on your cock
[22:47:37] MISSINGNO.: I see the lid of the butter
[22:47:38] Bartl3by: it melsts
[22:47:50] heidi: post pic of cock in butter
[22:48:00] MISSINGNO.: this is serious
[22:48:03] tgbnaomi: How do we know that isn't semen.?
[22:49:12] Bartl3by: http://i.imgur.com/t76NO.jpg
[22:49:25] Bartl3by: let me go get a stick
[22:49:38] Stefan: dis gun b gud
[22:51:14] A Racist Zebra: are you by any chance jewish?
[22:51:35] Bartl3by: no
[22:53:15] Bartl3by: it begins
[22:53:18] Bartl3by: http://i.imgur.com/AzA49.jpg
[22:57:51] Bartl3by: http://i.imgur.com/OivBc.jpg
[22:57:58] Bartl3by: i think hat's enough
[22:58:05] heidi: no way
[22:58:05] A Racist Zebra: LOL
[22:58:09] heidi: its not on the cock
[22:58:13] heidi: butter ON cock
[23:01:06] Bartl3by: http://i.imgur.com/gYORa.jpg
[23:01:11] Bartl3by: there
[23:01:23] Bartl3by: can we return to whats important here?
[23:01:29] Bartl3by: beast stroies?
[23:01:57] heidi: HAHAHAHAHAAH
[23:02:03] A Racist Zebra: lol
[23:02:07] Stefan: buttery cock
[23:02:14] Stefan: because lube is too mainstream
[23:02:26] A Racist Zebra: First shoe on head, now this
[23:08:50] Bartl3by: Okay.
[23:08:58] Bartl3by: Story time continues:
[23:09:55] Bartl3by: Before the conversation got side-tracked by that faggot heidi, I was rubbing butter all over my dick.
[23:10:13] heidi: with unsatisfactory pics, may i remind you
[23:10:19] heidi: you sidetracked yourself.
[23:10:26] Bartl3by: YOU MADE ME
[23:10:32] Bartl3by: YOU INSUFFERABLE CUNT
[23:10:41] Stefan: somebody said cunt
[23:10:43] Stefan: lol
[23:10:44] heidi: (devil)
[23:11:01] MISSINGNO.: heidi so cool
[23:11:06] Bartl3by: Anyway, Fergie fucking loved that butter.
[23:11:42] Raindrops: apparently heidi does too
[23:11:53] tgbnaomi: Ferg?
[23:12:16] Bartl3by: She kept licking, and whenever she got it clean I just put some more on and she started over.
[23:12:24] Bartl3by: Shit was, in a word, cash.
[23:12:35] A Racist Zebra: Oh la-la
[23:12:39] Bartl3by: (Fergie's the name of the dog.)
[23:12:48] Bartl3by: (lurk moar)
[23:12:59] heidi: so did you cum?
[23:13:10] Bartl3by: But even that wasn't enough to make me come.
[23:13:12] A Racist Zebra: don't rush it
[23:13:16] A Racist Zebra: keep going
[23:13:26] Bartl3by: tee hee
[23:14:10] Bartl3by: It sucked, but I ralized that this blowjob was going to have be a half-and-half instead.
[23:14:59] Bartl3by: I sort of got this rythm going where I would jerk myslef for a bit and then let her lick me, and so on.
[23:16:06] Bartl3by: And then I just jerked until I was past the point of no return and let her lick me while I came.
[23:16:51] Bartl3by: I didn't get much in her mouth (I'm not sure if I got any, to be honest), but tones landed on her face.
[23:18:23] Bartl3by: Up until that point it had been underwhelming, but seeing her covered in my jizz, still wagging her tail and with her tongue hanging out, and just basically looking adorable was
[23:18:26] Bartl3by: SO
[23:18:29] Bartl3by: AWESOME
[23:19:22] Bartl3by: Then I rubbed it off and played with her for a while.
[23:19:56] Bartl3by: And that, boys and girls, is how I got a half-and-half from a dog named Fergie.
[23:20:03] A Racist Zebra: (clap) I love you, you sick fuck
[23:21:35] Bartl3by: Here comes Part II of Bartl3by's Saga of Experimental Zoophilia.
[23:21:48] Bartl3by: Just let me get a snack or some shit.
[23:21:56] A Racist Zebra: Aww yiis
[23:22:31] MISSINGNO.: excellent
[23:31:28] Bartl3by: Ok
[23:32:12] Bartl3by: I should note that I'm saving everything for pastebin lest my tale be destroyed by the ravages of time.
[23:34:27] Bartl3by: In Part II, I both mangaed to actually get head this time AND become a faggot.
[23:34:36] heidi: go on.
[23:36:19] Bartl3by: An older cousin of mine, we'll call him "Barnabus," announced his engagement to a woman we'll call "Tess" about a week before I came all over Fergie.
[23:37:18] Bartl3by: Our family, and a whole shitload of other people, were invited to a party at my uncle's house  (we'll call him "George").
[23:37:47] Bartl3by: It was alright as family events go.
[23:38:45] Bartl3by: But my nuclear family, being closer to the couple than most, was invited to a bruch at that very same house the following morning.
[23:38:56] Bartl3by: among some other people
[23:39:49] Raindrops: spoiler: he fucked their dog
[23:40:06] A Racist Zebra: shh
[23:40:14] A Racist Zebra: you're ruining the mood
[23:40:20] Bartl3by: Something I had learned on the long drive there was that the couple had celebrated their commitment by getting, you guessed it, a fog.
[23:40:25] Bartl3by: dog
[23:40:29] Bartl3by: shit
[23:40:29] heidi: just cut to the part where you fuck it
[23:41:12] Bartl3by: The dog was named Henry, and was a retriever/great dane mix, so he was pretty big.
[23:41:19] Bartl3by: But he was a gentle giant.
[23:41:57] Bartl3by: During the bruch, I noticed him running around outside.
[23:42:14] Bartl3by: I was emboldened by my experience with Fergie.
[23:42:22] Bartl3by: lol
[23:42:37] Bartl3by: So I went outside and lead Henry into the garage.
[23:43:02] TheBronyBrotherhoodOwner: somebody sees somewthing he likes
[23:43:31] Bartl3by: Just like Fergie, all I had to do was whip it out and he went for it.
[23:44:22] Bartl3by: But it was even better than Fergie, because his tongue was a lot bigger and he slobbered alot.
[23:44:58] Bartl3by: So my whole dick was covered in saliva real fast. It was actually pretty cool. Warm and gooey.
[23:45:26] Bartl3by: I even slid down my pants so my balls could get a little action.
[23:45:43] Bartl3by: They were covered in spit soon too
[23:46:46] Bartl3by: But I ran into the same problems with Fergie. He kept getting bored, distracted, etc, and there's only so much that licking can do.
[23:47:09] Bartl3by: So this time, I actually stuck my cock in his mouth.
[23:49:13] Bartl3by: Now, to do this, I did hve to hold his head still.
[23:50:20] Bartl3by: But I'm fairly certain it wasn't raep. I kept him still mostly so he wouldn't turn his head or get distracted by a weird smell or whatever.
[23:50:29] heidi: type faster you fucking faggot
[23:50:39] Bartl3by: If he had wanted to actually get away, he could havr.
[23:50:50] Bartl3by: Also:
[23:51:04] Bartl3by: 1) He didn't bite.
[23:51:17] Bartl3by: 2) His tail was wagging the whole time.
[23:51:44] Bartl3by: 3) He wasn't scared or upset afterward, and actually wanted to play in the yard with me.
[23:52:12] Bartl3by: It was god tier
[23:52:19] tgbnaomi: Did you fuck his throat?
[23:53:15] Bartl3by: But his snout was large anough for it to still be good.
[23:53:18] tgbnaomi: Would you f*** a pitbulls throat
[23:53:24] Bartl3by: no
[23:53:28] Bartl3by: i value my d
[23:54:14] tgbnaomi: Well mine doesn't bite
[23:54:40] Bartl3by: Between his tongue still lapping against the bottom, and my head going up against the roof of his mouth, it was way better than just licking.
[23:55:09] Bartl3by: After that, I just went for it and came within a minute.
[23:55:33] Bartl3by: He swallowed all of it, though some spilled on the ground.
[23:55:44] Bartl3by: Dogs will eat anything, I guess.
[23:56:13] Bartl3by: Then we played fetch for a few minutes.
[23:56:21] Mellen: what the shit
[23:56:31] Bartl3by: I ate a hearty meal of eggs and bacon.
[23:56:38] Mellen: is it weird that I thought the first one was hawt but this one is just wat
[23:56:56] Bartl3by: What measure is a dog-fucker?
[23:57:22] Bartl3by: And I talked with my cousin the whole time.
[23:57:48] Bartl3by: No idea I made his dog into an official faggot.
[23:58:03] Bartl3by: And this concludes Part III.
[23:59:20] heidi: part II faggot.
[23:59:25] Bartl3by: oops
[23:59:42] Bartl3by: For Part III we return to the farm.
[00:02:31] Bartl3by: My whole life I have searched in vain for true camaraderie. Who knew I might gain it by cumming in dogs and telling people about it?
[00:03:55] Bartl3by: As I was saying, Part III was back at the farm. This was only like, three weeks ago
[00:04:15] Bartl3by: Or four
[00:04:32] Bartl3by: Going there, I was planning to have more fun times with Fergie.
[00:05:12] Bartl3by: But my dipshit younger cousins kept following me and bothering me.
[00:05:29] Bartl3by: Also, it was cold as fuck outside.
[00:05:37] Bartl3by: Not great BJ weather.
[00:05:52] General Itals: that woulld be something o a hinderance
[00:06:38] Bartl3by: So I decided I would see what entertainment the barn could provide me, because my cousins weren't allowed in the barn and couldn't bother me.
[00:07:14] Bartl3by: There's a shitload of cows in there, and tons of shit as well.
[00:08:02] tgbnaomi: Most
[00:08:05] Bartl3by: I considered trying to get blown by the cows, but their tongues are like fucking sandpaper.
[00:08:08] tgbnaomi: Moar
[00:09:02] Bartl3by: I heard that some people fuck ungulates in their nostrils, but they were having none of it.
[00:09:54] Bartl3by: So I turned my attention to the calfs. There were about a dozen of them, located at the back of the barn.
[00:10:14] A Racist Zebra: moar
[00:10:27] TheBronyBrotherhoodOwner: its gettin pretty hot in here
[00:10:27] tgbnaomi: Reading this will be the death of me
[00:11:00] Mellen: [3:09:51 PM] Bartl3by: So I turned my attention to the calfs.
 
<<< oh no
[00:11:12] TheBronyBrotherhoodOwner: i think its a good story
[00:12:00] Bartl3by: oh yes
[00:12:39] Bartl3by: Calfs, I learned, are kind of like human infants, in that they will suck on ANYTHING.
[00:12:50] TheBronyBrotherhoodOwner: very true
[00:12:56] TheBronyBrotherhoodOwner: very true...
[00:12:58] MISSINGNO.: [5:08:55 PM] Bartl3by: I heard that some people fuck ungulates in their nostrils
 
<<< OHOHOHO
[00:13:26] Bartl3by: Particularly if it's a pink pole that vaguely resembles their mother's udders.
[00:13:50] Bartl3by: I was nervous about sticking it in at first.
[00:14:41] Bartl3by: But just by standing close to them, they started licking/sucking my hands, shirt, pants, whatever was wihin reach.
[00:14:49] Bartl3by: I guess it's just intinctual.
[00:15:18] Bartl3by: So I brought out my dick and holy shit.
[00:15:55] heidi: jesus man.
[00:16:26] Bartl3by: As soon as the closest one saw it, she took the entire thing into her mouth and started sucking with  a vengeance.
[00:16:55] Bartl3by: It was the most awesome thing that had ever happened to my dick.
[00:17:26] TheBronyBrotherhoodOwner: i envy you
[00:17:44] Bartl3by: It was especially good because she just didn't stop!
[00:18:05] Bartl3by: She kept sucking with the same ferocity the whole time.
[00:18:59] Bartl3by: And it was just the right amount of stimulation where I stayed in rock hard bliss the whole time, but didn't make me come.
[00:19:27] Bartl3by: Like I just stood there for maybe 5 minutes
[00:20:34] Bartl3by: Then when I wanted to finish, I started to straight up fuck her mouth.
[00:22:10] Bartl3by: I think my tip went a bit down her throat when I pushed, but she didn't seem to mind. I came in her mouth and she swallowed everything.
[00:22:38] Bartl3by: Needless to say, I'll be making a stop next time we drop by the farm.
[00:23:22] Bartl3by: This concludes the tale of Bartl3by Animal Fucker. Thank you.