[written while drunk, because fuck you that's why]
Voiced by Wuten(King of Spaghetti) [http://vocaroo.com/i/s1dFaP0FAfWP]
 
>day drunk in ponyville
>you find yourself drunk in the middle of town square
>all you can remember is meeting berry punch at sugarcube corner and well shit took off from there
>speaking of which
>it looks like she actually right here with you
>who woulda thought she'd stay?
>what a bro
> I mean sure she's passed out
>passed out in a puddle of what you hope is lemonade
>but it still counts
>back to what your doing
>youre in town square hoping to get the attention of that one made you've had on your mind since last Tuesday
>(also known as yesterday)
>miss rarityyyyy~
>you can still remember even in your drunken state how you fell for her
>
>you were walking through town and you noticed she dropped a gem
>which you so gentlemanly returned to her
>she was so modest about it not being hers
>(something about he jewelers)
>but you returned in to her all the same
>and since that faithful moment you have in what can only be described as one thing!
>that which everyones heart yearns for!
>that which life would not be complete with out!
>no not porn
>but love!
>and so you made it your duty to confess your love to her
>(but being he pathetic little beta the you are)
>you could not simply do so
>so you did what any same man would do and relied on the power of alcohol
>(courtesy of a one miss berry punch)
>
>and back to the town square
>you were there yelling to the heavens
>declaring your love for that one magnificent marshmallow
>after nearly an hour of glorious amour
>(and a warning from the local authorities)
>SHE show'd up
>words could not describe her beauty
>that fur
>White as the next ice age snow
>that mane
>as purple as the...as the....uhhhh....
>ah!
>As an asphyxiated orphan
>And the plot
>it was just glorious
>words could not describe the wonders and amazement it made you feel
>and here she was
>in front of your eyes
>there was only one thing to do at such a perfect moment!
>confess your undying love to her
>"oh rarity, words could not describe my love for thee! You coat is of such a pristine white. Your mane with such a pure purple with such perfect curls. And your eyes of in which I could get lost in forever!"
>you look her straight in he eyes
>"please. Accept my love."
>nailed it!
>all those words of love were perfect
>just enough to win her heart the look on her eyes said it all
>unfortunately.... All she heard was: "anon want stick penis in pony"
>followed by you vomiting all of her
>which is then followed by her running off after yelling profanities which would make Satan cry
>yeah you don't think she coming back
>oh how your heart aches
>your one true love left you to your lonesome
>to cry and weep on how you Amy never speak to her again
>today was not a good da-
>OOOH PRETTY BUBBLE GUM PONY!!!!
>"EXCUSE ME! MISS!!!"
>today might go better than you thought