-Day 1-
>You are Anonymous.
>You have been driving this stupid wagon for a while now and, you don’t want to admit this but, you could get used to this.
>The wind blowing through your hair.
>The beautiful Equestrian scenery.
>All you need is a good chum and a couple beers.
>And food.
>You haven’t eaten in hours.
>You’re sure Trixie wouldn’t mind if you took a short lunch break.
>You slow from the breakneck speeds of brisk walking and pull off to the side of the trail.
>The roof hatch is a little weird to open. They actually made it for a pony, go figure.
>After some funky palm spread technique, you manage to open it.
>”Why have we stopped?!” Trixie’s voice echoes from somewhere inside.
>You descend into the gigantic Narnia-wagon thing. You don’t see Trixie anywhere, you suspect she’s somewhere behind one of the two doors on the opposite w-
>It just occurred to you that there are two other rooms in this thing. What the fuck, this is so cool. How have you not heard of this kind of magic before?
>She comes out of the one on the left. From a very brief and limited glimpse of the room, you notice enough purple and blue to send you on a sober acid trip.
“Hungry. You have any food?”
>”What? You… eat?”
>… Is she serious?
“Yes I eat. What do you have?”
>”Trixie didn’t buy enough food for two! She had no idea!”
>If you could put your palm through your face, you would.
“Ugh, here’s a quick rundown. Humans do everything ponies but on two legs instead of four.”
>”That’s… disgusting.”
“How is that disgusting?”
>”It’s not when a pony does it. But, you’re an alien…”
>There’s that word…
“Whatever. But, that reminds me of something. Where am I supposed to sleep? Just… in the corner or…”
>”You sleep too!? Trixie had no idea she was taking on such a burden.”
>No fucking comment.
>Trixie grumbles a bit as she walks over to the door to the left of the one she came out of.
>She opens it and removes a plethora of dingy cleaning supplies.
>”This will be where you stay.”
>You cross the room to get a better look at it.
>Damp, dark, smelly. Better than what you expected Trixie to give you.
“This’ll do for now. I’ll find a way to spruce it up or something. Thanks, Trixie.”
>She looks confused. Haha, it’s like no one has ever thanked her for something before.
>Your smile fades a little once you realize that might be true.
>”You can find fruit in the cupboards around the oven. Eat sparingly and leave Trixie alone.”
>You go in for another “thank you” to fluster her a little more but she retreats back into her blue n’ purple room too quickly.
 >Whatevs. You snatch a banana for maximum potassium and get your lazy ass back to driving this crazy wagon.
 
 
-Day 2-
>You wake up early and unsatisfied. Wood does NOT make for a good bed.
>Nor does a suitcase make a good pillow.
>You now realize just how unprepared you were for this trip.
>Whatever, today was a day for organization and planning so this doesn’t happen again.
>After a little stumbling around in the dark, you find the door to your closetroomthing.
>Just the tiniest sliver of light from the main room is way more than you’d like.
>Time to man up.
>”You gotta rip the bandaid off really fast,” they say. You throw the door open and almost yelp in agony as the dull candlelight hits your eyes.
>Is Trixie awake? No? Thank god.
>You begin to raid the cabinets for coffee.
>Rarity was always so uptight and regal, never carried coffee.
>…
>Shit, nothing. You’re going to NEED some coffee if you’re going to be sleeping in such an awful state.
>Your kitchen raid showed a general lack of anything besides fruit, cheap energy drinks, and booze.
>Trixie’s diet is terrible. Time to make a list.
>You may have hardly listened to Twilight’s rambling while you lived with her but, you did learn how to make a damn good list.
>You even packed a quill, ink, and some paper!
>What? You weren’t going to write to a certain mare while you were gone! Y-you’re still upset that she evicted you…
>S-Stupid.
 
>You finish your list. ‘Meat’ was crossed out 9 times on it.
>You miss meat.
>But, at least you weren’t missing out on fiber, protein, and everything good that comes inside a vegtable.
>Unlike one particular mare.
>Trixie’s door creaks open behind you.
>Speak of the devil.
>”What are you doing up so early?!”
>Her voice, while still annoying, was ragged and weak. SOMEP0NY just woke up.
>You turn to see a very… Trixie oh my god.
>She looks like she just got the worst night of sleep in her life.
“It’s around 10. How late were you up last night?”
>She answers with a grunt and magically levitates a teapot onto the stove.
>Figures.
>”Trixie would like her tea in the next hour or so. She is… going back to sleep.”
“Trixie, we need to talk about-“
>She shuts her door before you can get another word out.
>You don’t make her tea.
>Fucking Trixie.
 
 
 
Day 4
>The lush green forest had begun to thin.
>The crisp air and flowing streams are quickly turning arid and dry.
>Yep, you’re getting close to the Mild West
>The sun has nearly disappeared behind the horizon, it’s time to call it a day.
>You veer off the tattered path and into a small gathering of trees.
>Believing the wagon is hidden enough, you open the roofhatch and descend into the neverending wagon.
>Trixie, to your surprise, wasn’t in her room.
>She sits at the table in the middle of the main room, surrounded by a large pile of books.
>She doesn’t acknowledge you as you enter. Normally she just scoffs or groans whenever you come into her presence but she ACTUALLY ignored you this time.
>Trixie must be a big Daring Do fan.
>It’s almost disappointing how she doesn’t seem annoyed by your very existence.
>You could respect her privacy and let her continue reading in solitude.
>But…
>That’s so dumb.
>You open a cabinet and go to grab the loudest fruit you can think of. An apple.
>Oh. Trixie doesn’t have any apples. Why didn’t she get apples?
>She does have one pear remaining though. You take it and sit across form her.
>Trixie doesn’t react. At least, you don’t think she does. The pile of books hides her entire face, her hair and tip of her horn protruding over the top.
>You take one slow, intimate, loud bite of the pear.
>Windows would have shattered if it were an apple.
>Trixie exhaled loudly.
>You take another bite…
>Nothing.
>And another…
>The pile of books blocking Trixie from your vision is knocked over.
>Trixie is giving you a death glare.
“What?”
>”Stop it.”
“I’m just eating.”
>”Shut up.”
>Trixie brings her eyes back to her book. You pick up one of the books that she knocked over.
>’Emotions and Magic’
>What is this, some sort of erotic unicorn fiction?
>You crack the book open, its age is betrayed by its scent.
>Trixie has read this book quite a few times, it seems.
>Oh… It’s just a study on how emotions affect magic.
>Let’s look at the chapter on hate.
>Oh, whoops. You somehow ended up on love.
>The book snaps shut with a thistle purple glow before you can read anything.
“C’mon, I was reading that.”
>”Stop talking, don’t do anything, Trixie is trying to concentrate.”
“Why are you reading anyway? It’s not a bad habit or anything; it’s just not very… you. You know?”
>”The Great and Powerful Trixie did not become the Mare of Magic by idly loafing about. Her craft requires dedication.”
“I guess so.”
>You lean back in your chair and continue eating the pear, not quite as loudly as before.
>Trixie takes an opportunity to go on the offensive. She moves a pile of books to the side.
>”And what exactly is it that you do that makes you question what Trixie does in her spare time, hm?”
“Look for a job and spend time with friends. Not much else to do in Ponyville.”
>Trixie brings a hoof to her chest and points her nose to the ceiling.
>”You must have been ecstatic when Trixie offered you work then.”
“More like desperate…”
>You say under your breath.
>With a final, “Hmph!” Trixie shields herself from your vision in a pile of books for the second time.
>Neither of you exchange words for the rest of the evening.
 
Day 5
 
>Fuck, it’s hot.
>It’s soooooo hot.
>You’ve heard the desert was hot but this is stupid hot.
>Any trace of the forest has left, now you see nothing but sand, dirt, and distant mesas.
>You’d be lost if it weren’t for those signs.
>Your body protests against anything that doesn’t involve hating this heat.
>But, you have to keep you mind off it.
>You try to think about cool things the desert has.
>Snakes… Snakes are cool, you guess.
>And Cacti.
>Damnit, it’s a good thing you’re not talking out loud. You would sound like an idiot.
>Okay, other things. Oooother thiiiings.
>Argh, impossible! The second worst part about this desert is that it’s so fucking boring!
>You wish some sort of freak storm or a posse of bandits would…
>Westerns! Oh how you loved Westerns!
>You kick up a familiar tune in the back of your head, providing the whistling yourself.
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cXsoRRYf5A
“Ahem…”
-
>A lone wanderer and his blue steed slowly wade through the dust and heat of the Mild West.
>The elements beat upon their backs, demanding they succumb to the harshness of the wasteland.
>It desires nothing more than to consume all life.
>This is where real men are born.
>The winds howl in your ears, covering the muffled sounds of an approaching rider from behind.
>You steel yourself for the oncoming confrontation. The Mild West was no place for niceties.
>The roofhatch behind you swung open with force.
>Your traitorous blue companion, dressed in stupid purple apparal, emerges from the wagon.
>”What ARE you doing?”
 
>You look back and cock your head to the side.
“Hm?”
>”Trixie heard talking and a high pitched noise. Has the heat driven you insane already?”
“Was I talking out loud? Hah, sorry. Got a little caught up in daydreaming.”
>”And the other thing?”
“Whistling?”
>She raises an eyebrow in confusion.
“You know,” You whistle three quick notes. “Like that.”
 >”How did you do that?”
>Trixie sits on the edge of the bench atop the moving wagon.
“You serious?”
>She glares at you.
>You let out a light chuckle.
>Her glare intensifies.
“Alright, alright. It’s pretty easy, just pucker your lips and blow.”
>Trixie adopts a childlike inquisitive look on her face while trying to whistle.
>She fails.
>She tried again.
>And fails.
>This is too cute. Trixie isn’t allowed to be cute.
“You gotta move your tongue in the right place.”
>”How so?”
“Pfft, I dunno. It’s just something you learn over time.”
>”Ugh, some help you are.”
>You opted not to respond. You’ve learned that ignoring Trixie is the best way to quiet her down.
>You expected her to return to the wagon but she just kept sitting there, trying to whistle.
>After several tries she manages to let out a short, weak whistle. Nonetheless, she clopped her hooves together in excitement.
>You laugh inwardly. Trixie getting excited over something like this is-
>Stop it, she is vile are rude. And she is certainly not, “cute.”
>”What? Trixie was easily able to master that skill within a fraction of an hour!”
“Master, huh?”
>You bring two fingers to your mouth and let out an ear-piercing whistle.
>Trixie has her hooves clamped over her ears.
>”… Not fair.”
 
>Things got a little silent after that.
>You decide to break the tension.
“How much longer do you think we have?”
>Trixie rolls her eyes and sighs as she removes her hat, pulls out the map of Equestria, and unfolds it.
>She analyzes it for a moment before letting out a surprised, “Oh!”
“Oh?”
>Trixie angles the map towards you.
>You didn’t notice it before but there’s a little black wagon stamp on the map. It lies somewhere between Evertree Forest and Appleoosa.
>”We’re much further along than Trixie expected. At this rate…”
>She lowers the map with a confident grin plastered on her face.
>”We’ll be in Appleoosa by tonight!”
“A day early?”
>”Exactly.”
“Perfect, I’d love a break from driving this stupid thing and the sooner the better.”
>”Then you’d better be ready for a long night!”
“What? What do you mean by that?”
>Trixie lifts herself off the bench and descends into the wagon without answering.
>You stop the wagon and follow suit. You’re not comfortable with being in that dark about this.
>In more ways than one.
>You spot her just before she can enter her bedroom.
“Trixie,” You call from across the room, “What are you talking about?”
>She says nothing, just opens a cabinet to your side and levitates two cheap energy drinks into your hands.
>Fuck.