Come one, come all, to the Indianon Jones CYOA thread!
 
Last Time:
 
Anon got a mission from Celestia to go and free some ponies from an evil city, lorded over by a human like him. He quickly found out that said human was Chrischan, and that the "evil city" was actually a nightmarish death fortress. After successfully murdering the bastard, he breifly conversed with some sort of demon in Chrichan's amulet that said a bunch of cryptic things. He then proceeded to go back to Celestia's castle to collect his reward.
All threads can be viewed here:
http://pastebin.com/u/fag_CYOA
 
Now, Anon is back in Ponyville, and has been for about a week. Celestia has not acknowledged anything that happened, and he's naturally a bit upset. Still, you should probably gear up in case anything else happens. You have 1,000 bits, your magic wand, and your whip. You're sure that you could find upgrades of some type in the town...
 
What do?
 
                Head to Twilight and ask her if she can enchant
                the whip or help you train magic with the wand.
               
>You head off to Twilight's house. Which is rather easy, considering the fact you are sleeping on her couch.
>"Hey, Twilight. Could you help me out with something?"
"Huh?"
>She looks up from her book
"Oh, sure, anon."
>You show her the whip and the wand. Before you can ask her anything, she whips the wand out of your hand.
"Is this-"
 
 
>She holds it up to her face with magic
"...it is! Anon, where did you get a real-life magic wand?"
 
        "Give that back!"
       
>"Give that back!"
>You snatch it out of her hand
>She just stares at you
"Did- did you do something wrong to get it?"
>SHIT
>WHAT DO
 
        "Noo, it's just that I got it from Celestia herself,
        so it's pretty damn unique, and I don't want anyone
        to accidentally damage it"
       
>"No, it's just - I got it from Celestia herself. I don't want anybody to damage it."
>Twilight stares at you for a moment
"Celestia - She gave you a wand? That means it probably has one of her own hairs as a core - That's-"
>She looks away, obviously in thought. The room is filled with silence for a few moments.
"Look. Six days ago, she summons you to the palace. You don't turn up until the next morning. Then, a few hours later, I get a letter from my brother about a bunch of refugee ponies showing up in the Crystal Empire, but when I ask him what their story or anything was, he suddenly claims that he can't tell me. Now you show up with an extremely powerful magical object that nobody has seen for centuries."
>She can be surprisingly intense when trying to extract information.
"What the hell were you doing?"
 
        Tell her you were investigating how you got there
       
>"I was investigating how I got here."
>Twilight tilts her head to the left
"Still can't remember, huh?"
>You shake your head.
>Everything before waking up here was a complete blank.
"Still, something else happened on that investigation..."
>She's waiting for you to respond.
>What do?
 
        I'll tell you later, once I'm sure its safe
       
>"I'll tell you later. Once I'm sure it's safe."
>She rolls her eyes
"Okay, fine, fair enough. You don't need to tell me what happened. I do, however, want to know why you've asked me if Celestia had sent any letters to you every day since."
 
>Oh fuck
>She knows
>Or does she?
>Quick, change the subject!
 
        "I was just hoping she knew something?"
 
        RED ALERT SUBJECT CHANGE
 
        Ask her about the wand. Is it really that rare?
        Are wands that well known? That magical?
       
>"I was just hoping she knew something. I was out all night searching afterwards, but... No luck."
>You show her the wand again.
>"Now, about this - How rare are wands? Are they well-known? Super-powerful? I'm a bit confused as to how this all works."
>Twilight takes a deep breath
"A wand is the best way to focus magical power. It's kind of like a funnel. Only problem is, nopony can actually use one - We know it funnels magic, but for some reason, we can't actually cast any spells with them. Us ponies, at least - Did it actually work for you?"
>Your response?
>You could give a generic yes, or tell her just how well it did. Or something else.
 
        TELL HER EVERYTHING
       
>You decide that, out of nowhere, you should tell her everything.
>"I lied."
>She raises an eyebrow.
>"I did more than just try to find my origin. Celestia gave me a mission to take down another human."
>You tell her the full story, her face slowly getting more horrified as you do so.
"Oh- Oh my god, Anon, that's-"
>"That's not all."
"There's more?"
>"I went back to Celestia's."
"And?"
>You suddenly stop yourself
>Should you continue?
 
        Don't continue. Say nothing.
        Act suspicious. Try to leave to find Pinkie Pie.
       
>"Uh- Nevermind. Sorry."
You guys do realize I can't write anything NSFW until at least 11:00, right?
 
That's when I get tired enough to not feel shame.
>You proceed to make up a bullshit excuse about "needing a cupcake" to leave and go to sugar cube corner. Twilight stares at you as you do so.
>Sadly, Pinkie is not manning the desk. You could still buy something from Mrs. Cake, though.
 
>Cupcake: 5 bits
>Super Cupcake: 10 bits
>Apple Turnover: 15 bits
>Full cake: Depends on decorations. Inquire at our cake desk!
 
        inquire about most expensive cake possible
       
>You go to the cake desk, which is being manned by Mr. Cake.
>"Hey, uh- What's the most extreme cake you have?"
"Extreme?"
>"Extremely expensive."
"Oh"
>He chuckles
>"That would be the King of Carrot Cakes. A huge, towering cake tumbling through fondant trees with licorice rattlesnakes running around the base. It comes with two full cakes of Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness!"
>You ask how much it is
"It's a steal at 2 million bits!"
>Jesus christ
>You don't have nearly that much.
>So... What now?
 
        AQUIRE SUPERCUPCAKE, SEND TO CELESTIA
       
>You purchase a super-cupcake, then attempt to send it to Celestia.
>Except... You aren't magic, so you can't.
>You could ask Spike, but he may question your message...
>What do?
 
        Eat it. You only asked for the message for the extra icing.
       
>You nom on the cupcake
>You suddenly feel full of energy - You could run a mile!
>So, what next?
>Upgrading gear may be a good idea
 
 
        Buy Apple Turnover
       
>You purchase an apple turnover.
 
>Now What?
 
        Go to farm, buy Cider.
       
>You head to the farm to try and purchase cider.
>Applejack greets you.
"Howdy anon! Haven't seen you here in a while. What can I do y'for?"
>You ask for cider. Unfortunately, it's not cider season at the moment.
>Well shit. What now?
 
        Ask if she needs help
       
>You ask her if she needs any help.
"Sure do! There's a whole field of apples I have to buck. Could ya help me out? I can't pay yah, but it'd be mighty nice."
>Do you accept?
 
        Accept her offer.
        We're willing to do just about anything as long
        as it's not something evil and we get something out of it.
       
>You decide to do so
>You can feel yourself benefiting from the workout. You are probably stronger.
>When you finish, Applejack gives you a nice, tall glass of water.
"Thank'ya kindly."
>What now?
 
        Give her a significant look.
 
        "It's very kind, but I already found a tall glass of water."
       
>You give her a look
>"Thanks, but... I've already found a tall glass of water."
>Applejack just stares at you, confused.
 
        Tell her it was a stupid joke, but ask if she can upgrade your whip
       
Sorry, got distracted.
 
>You tell her it was a stupid joke, then ask if she could upgrade your whip
"Woo-doggy. This is a nice whip. Bound tightly, good quality material- Where'd you get this beauty?"
>What do?
 
        No point in lying to the element of honesty. Tell
        her the truth; you got it from Celestia. If she asks
        questions, tell her you made a promise not to say
        anything, but you'll tell her one day.
       
       
>"Actually, I got this from Celestia."
"The princess herself?"
>She whistles
"Well, she has mighty good taste in whips. Why'd she give you a thing like this?"
>"I can't tell ya. But, hopefully, I will be able to someday."
"Awright. So, I could probably add some fishin' hooks to the end of this, give it a bit more punch. Not that I, uh, ever use a whip. But it'll cost ya some, those hooks are expensive."
>Upgrade your whip for 200 bits?
 
        DO EET. Damage ups always come in handy.
 
        How many bits do we currently have anyways?
       
 
975.
 
>You say that you'd be happy to get hooks in it.
>You give her the money
"Thank'ya, Anon. Should only take about an hour. You could stay 'round the farm if ya like, but if you have other business to git done, I understand."
>She takes your whip in her mouth and starts walking up the stairs, evidently to her bedroom.
>Wait. Why the hell does she have leather-working tools in her bedroom?
>So, she probably wants to work alone. What now?
 
        Sit down and think of Denim.
       
       
>You sit down and think of Denim.
 
>...Yeah, jeans are cool.
 
>What now?
 
 
        Think about how happy you are that pants exist
       
 
>You think about pants.
 
>...Yeah, pants are pretty cool. Ponies should wear them more.
 
 
        Follow AJ anyway
       
 
>You follow AJ anyway
>You take a stride into her room. It's pretty plain, except for-
 
>Oh. Well then.
 
>Applejack quickly closes her closet, but not before you see the five or six whips in there.
"Hey! Cain't a girl have some privacy!"
>What do?
 
        Whoop, sorry I got lost
       
>"Uh- Sorry, must have got lost."
"In mah own house?"
>"S- Stairs confuse me."
>You quickly leave the room, embarrassed.
>What now?
 
        Have an Eeyup contest with Big Mac
       
>You try to find Big Mac
>As usual, he's outside, pulling a cart of Apples.
>"Hey, mac. Apple pulling going well?"
"Eeyup."
>"Eeyup."
"Yup."
 
>You can't win against the master.
>What now?
>Twilight may be able to teach you new spells, or you could hang with Rarity, or something.
 
        Head to rarity's for the purpose of aquiring
        defensively-armoured clothing.
 
 
        >You head to Rarity's.
"Darling! How nice of you to come in!"
>Rarity is behind her machine, sewing some sort of dress. She quickly stops and looks up at you.
 
"I bet you're here to get some new cloths! I have an ever so wonderful selection - I've been sewing for you in my spare time, you see, it's interesting to make cloths for such a strange body - And I'd love to have you try some! Of course, it would be nice if you'd compensate me for the fabric..."
 
STORE
-----------
Denim Pants and Jacket: Increases defense and gives you a +500 to your motorcycle-riding skill. Lightweight and stealthy, too!
>200 bits
Solid Crystal Armor: Heavy and expensive as shit, but twice as durable. Increases defense to insane levels.
>800 bits
>Nice headband: This crystal-infused headband will make you slightly smarter, but it's pretty noticeable. Not the best for your current stealth-build.
>150 bits
Maid's Outfit: ...Why the fuck did Rarity even sew you this? A fancy maid's outfit. Does nothing for defense and it's hard to move in.
>800 bits
Leather Armor: Basic leather armor. Increases defense, but makes you a bit slower.
>200 bits
 
        Purchase Denim Pants and Jacket.
       
>You get yourself snazzy new Denim.
>"Thanks, Rarity!"
"Oh, it looks great on you, darling!"
>What now?
       
        Get Whip
       
       
>You go to pick up the whip from Applejack's
>Her door is closed, so you knock, politely
"Not done yet! Come back in 30 minutes, y'hear?"
>What now?
 
        Go to Twilight's
       
>You go to Twilight's.
"Anon! Why did you just leave earlier? We were talking!"
>?
 
        ADHD. Where were we?
       
       
>"ADHD. Where were we?"
"You were about to tell me what happened after you went to Celestia's."
>What do?
 
        "... do you want to come out for icecream?"
       
>"...Do you want to go out for Ice Cream?"
>Twilight gives you a look
"...Sure, I guess. But only if you promise to tell me what happened."
>Do you make the promise?
 
        No. Tell her you took a vow of secrecy to protect
        national security.
       
>"I can't. I took a vow of secrecy to protect national security."
>She gives you a look.
>She's been doing that a lot.
"You really expect me to believe that?"
 
        I am not a liar.
       
>"I am not a liar."
"Yes you are! You've obviously lying!"
>?
 
        "Sounds like sooomepony doesn't want her iiiice-creeeeam~"
       
       
>"Sounds like sooommeeepony doesn't want her iiiicceee-creeeam~"
>Twilight just stares at you (again), before giving a defeated snort.
"You win. Let's go get ice cream."
>A while later, you're at the shop. Twilight has already ordered two large scoops of chocolate. What do you get?
 
        Do... do they have bubblegum flavour?
        I love bubblegum flavour.
       
>You get some delicious bubblegum ice cream
Fuck yeah, I love that flavor
>You sit down next to Twilight and lick your cone.
>You could ask her about magic
>...or you could make a stupid sex joke involving your cone
>Your choice
 
 
        Ask her if there is a way to enchant your denim.
       
       
>"Could you enchant my denim?"
"Unfortunately, no. Denim is my one weakness. I could teach you some spells, though..."
 
STORE
______
 
Cloak of Darkness I: Makes you kind of invisible. If you get close to enemies, they will definitely see you.
>200 gold
>Costs 20 mana a round
 
Mana Upgrade: Gives you 200 additional mana, and improves re-gen
>100 gold
 
Eye of the Elemental I: Lets you control some elements - Namely: basic soil, nitrogen (most of air), water, and some types of metal. Is upgraded with additional levels.
>Cost: 500 gold
>Mana cost: Varies
 
Fly: Holy shit, you can fucking fly. That's awesome.
>Cost: 100,000 gold
>Mana cost: Free!
 
You have 575 gold.
 
What get?
 
        Get eye of elemental
       
>You get the eye.
>You now only have 75 gold
>You are about to say something to Twi, but you're interrupted when spike runs in
"TWILIGHT!"
>He's panicking
"What? Huh?"
"Celestia! She sent-"
>He produces a scroll from one of his claws. Twilight snaps it up.
"What's thi- Oh, it's for both of us."
>She reads the scroll aloud.
"Amulet again, Anon. Some remnants of who you killed last week remains. Attack on Crystal Empire.
Shining Armor is under its power. Twilight, you research ways to possibly cure him. Anon, you know what to do."
>Twilight just stares at the letter, with a blank expression
>She obviously can't believe what it says
>You can
>Looks like you're back in the driver's seat.
>Twilight runs off, tears already streaming down her face
>You internally curse yourself for not killing that thing well enough.
>Now you have a major problem: You need to get that monster out of Twilight's brother, without killing him. Or anypony in the region.
>Of course, there's a few things you need to do first. Namely;
OBJECTIVES
___________
 
A) Get your whip back from Applejack
B) Prevent Twilight from doing something stupid
C) Get transportation to the Crystal Empire
 
 
        Going for B, then A.
       
       
>You rush off to try to help Twilight
>You can see her in her room, rummaging for the elements of harmony
"Spike! Get Rarity and Applejack! We need all of us to get anything done!"
>Well shit.
>What will you do?
>You need to try to convince her to leave it to you
 
        Tell her to take a deep breath
       
>"Twilight, just - Take a deep breath. Panicking won't help anything."
>She turns around to you, a crazed look in her eyes
"Panicking? Why should I panic? Oh, wait, my brother is possessed by an evil demon that turns things into terrible monsters. That could be the reason!"
>?
 
 
        Put your foot down and tell her to calm down,
        that she'd endager everyone she cares about if
        she were to rush off like that without thinking.
        Then tell her that you weren't lying about the
        things you did,
       
 
>"TWILIGHT!"
>You stop your foot and grab ahold of the small alicorn
>"You're only going to hurt him and your friends if you dive in. I wasn't lying about what I did before, and I can do it again."
>She struggles to get free of your vice-like grip
"Oh, that's just great! You can kill my brother, fantastic!"
>Oh shit.
 
        Look, I know you're worried about your brother,
        but if you aren't careful the SAME DAMN THING can
        and WILL happen to YOU! At the very least, SLOW
        DOWN and THINK about this before you Leeroy your
        way into the face of >rape!
       
>"Look, I know you're worried about your brother, but if you aren't careful the SAME DAMN THING can and WILL happen to YOU! At the very least, SLOW DOWN and THINK about this before you Leeroy your way into the face of >rape!"
>Twilight stops and stares at you for a moment
"...What do you mean, Rape?"
 
>Shit
>What are you even thinking?
 
        "By rape I mean consensual sex for the purpose of procreation."
       
>"By rape I mean consensual sex for the purpose of procreation."
"DAMMIT ANON, NOW IS NOT THE TIME"
 
        Get back to the issue at hand. Explain that you need
        a plan and then start building your party
       
>"Look, I have no time for this. I need a plan, and maybe some ponies to work with me to-"
"No."
>Twilight spins you around with magic and pins you to a bookcase, before getting an inch away from your face. She's pissed.
"You are going to explain what you meant by rape right this second."
>She puts a magical aurora around you
>All this stress is too much for her - She's losing control
       
        Tell her about the amulet
 
>"Look. The being in the amulet really enjoys to sexually violate ponies to break their spirits or whatever. Since it's your brother, well... I'm pretty sure it has a boner at the thought of it."
>Twilight, in shock, lets go of you
"So- If I go, Shining might-"
>Thinking quickly, you cup her face with a hand, getting down on a knee so you're about the same height.
>"I would never, ever let that happen. But I need to go alone in order to insure that. I promise, your brother will be completely safe."
>Twilight nods
 
        Get whip
       
>You go to Applejack's and collect your whip.
"heh, Hope you enjoy it, anon!"
>After reminding yourself that Applejack is a really good pony you should visit more often, you pace back to town square. Now you just need to figure out how to actually get to the empire...
>You could commandeer a train, or a balloon, or something. Or try to get Twilight to teleport you...
 
        Take the train
       
>You go to the train station and ask to buy a ticket
"Sorry bub, no can do. Celestia's shut off all transportation to the crystal empire."
>You look at the pony
>...You could probably overpower this guy without much trouble.
>Then again, you have no idea how trains work.
>What do?
 
        Show him Celestia's letter
       
AND YOU ARE RISEN FROM THE ASHES
>You show him Celestia's letter
"ppfftt. Yeah, right, the princess wrote you a letter. Gimmie a break, she wouldn't talk to some sod like you."
 
 
        "Listen. You want to go down this road? It's fine.
        Instead of boarding a train to the crystal empire,
        i'll board one to Canterlot. I assume the trains
        are still running to Canterlot? I'll head right
        to the palace and explain to Celestia exactly
        which little shit stopped me from going to the
        crystal empire on a mission she herself sent me
        on. We'll waste a hell of a lot of time and ponies
        will die. You'll lose your job and have the blood
        of thousands on your hands. Do you want that,
        motherfucker? Do you?!"
       
 
>"Listen. You want to go down this road? It's fine. Instead of boarding a train to the crystal empire, i'll board one to Canterlot. I assume the trains are still running to Canterlot? I'll head right to the palace and explain to Celestia exactly which little shit stopped me from going to the crystal empire on a mission she herself sent me on. We'll waste a hell of a lot of time and ponies will die. You'll lose your job and have the blood of thousands on your hands. Do you want that, motherfucker? Do you?!"
>He snorts
"Nice fuggin' try, mate."
 
 
        Convert his face into coleslaw with your fists.
       
>"Okay, fuck this. I don't got the time."
>Anon uses SUPER PUNCH
>Train pony is knocked cold!
>You quickly hop onto the train that normally goes to the Crystal empire - You'd visited the place once before and remembered it was on platform 8 - And look in the cabin.
 
>There's a red lever that's huge, and a small black one
>What do?