>be fluffologist Dr. Wendell Cloppenhoffer.
>investigating psychological and physiological affects of fluffy runts on the mare and foals
>can you believe someone pays you to do this shit? it’s pretty awesome.
>use sonograms to check pregnant females - locate three of them that have the highest probability of birthing a runt
>await birth. play Galaga.
>first mare ready to pop. shave groin and teats to assist birth and milking, despite her whining and complaing
>explain that excessive buttfluff could tangle around newborns. mare too dumb to comprehend. forget it.
>allow mare to watch birth. has four foals. as predicted, one of them is a runt.
>the mother cleans the first three foals and places them near her teats. she refuses to touch the runt.
>poke runt gently with a tongue depressor to induce call for help. foal starts squealing distress call
>*squee squee squee squee squee*
>sounds remarkably like a baby rabbit in distress. possibly due to rabbit DNA infused to create the original fluffies
>the mare initially raises her head in concern at the distress call but sees the runt and promptly ignores it
>manually clean the foal. place it at mare’s teats. she had already been rotating the other three to give them equal access
>”nuu! dunn wann babeh! babeh is stupit!”
>whack the mother on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. SCIENCE!
>mother tries to move away from the foal. it continues mewing for milk.
>the other foals, their eyes barely open, nudge the runt out of the way
>”good babehs. no wet dumb babeh hff miwlkies.”
>taser the mother
>remove the other foals. allow the runt to suckle.
>”gak”
>the other foals have not developed their speech centers yet. typically their first words appear within 4 - 14 hours of birth.
>”gak”
>the mare begins to stir.
>”gak. gurrrrrrk. nuuuuu… nuu wann stupit babeh…”
>she tries to sit up and remove the runt from her teat
>”Why is it a stupid baby?”
>”babeh smewll stupit. babeh IS stupit!”
>hm. something about the smell of the foal. write that down.
>taser the mare once more for good measure. put the foals back with her.
>”tankoo give back babehs… tankoooooooooo!”
>dump the mare and foals down the incinterator shaft.
>bring out a mare that was recently weaned its foals. it’s still producing milk.
>attempt to let the foal feed. this mare also rejects the baby
>try spraying Axe body spray on the foal.
>this time the mare accepts the foal and allows it to drink.
>discovery!
>a significantly strong smell can override the mare’s ability to smell a runt. they don’t seem to identify them by sight
>wash the runt.
>another mare is giving birth. she has two foals, one is a runt.
>clean the runt. place it with the other. the two runts actually try to swat at each other.
>interesting. runts smell “bad” to each other.
>the two runts roll around, slapping at each other with their soft, stubby legs and nipping at each other with toothless mouths
>present them to the mare but spray Axe body spray into her nostrils
>the mare allows both foals to feed, but the tiny runts are still fighting with each other despite there being enough teats for both
>so we have learned that fluffies identify runts by smell and whatever smell it is can be overridden with Guido-marketed deodorant products
>time to file your report and get paid.
>oh - and flush the fluffies down the incinerator. gotta keep the lab clean.