>"Ahem.  Excuse me?  EXCUSE ME?  I'm pretty sure I said no ice."
 
>You grit your teeth and force a smile.
>"I'm sorry about that.  I'll be right back."
>You pick up the fucker's drink and push your way to the back.
>Son of a bitch DEFINITELY made a stink about wanting ice.  He's fucking with you.
>You get him a fresh, ice-free drink.
>A bell dings, and you look over to see Tim setting down a plate.
>Oh good.  The food is... almost ready.
>You grab the plate, apply a bit of spit, pick up the drink, and walk back out with a smile.
>"Sorry again.  Just let me know if you need anything, okay?"
 
>He squints at the drink.
>"Why is there no ice?"
 
>You smile as wide as you can.
>"I'll be right back," you hiss through your teeth.
>You turn around to head for the back again, and suddenly you hear Tom screaming.
>You smell smoke.
>There's a blinding light, and that's the last thing you remember.
 
-----
 
>Everything's dark.
>Your eyes are closed.
>Your whole body aches.
>You back screams like there are hundreds of knives stuck in it.
>You don't want to open your eyes.
>You just want to lie there until everything goes away.
 
>"No, it's definitely not dead.  See how its chest is moving?  It's still breathing."
 
>"That's great news!  That means we can throw it a welcome party!"
 
>"Hold on there, sugarcube.  We don't know if it's friendly or not, an' it's a mite unwise to try to throw a party for a hostile creature."
 
>None of the voices ring any bells, but you don't care.
>You roll over and curl up into a ball, eliciting gasps from the voices.
 
>You feel a something soft drape over you like a blanket.
>"I think the poor thing is hurt..."
 
>You slide your eyes open as slowly as you can.
>Are those... are those horses?
 
>"Careful, Fluttershy!  Applejack is right; we don't know if it's tame or not."
 
>You lock eyes with the yellow one standing over you.
>Its... no, her.  Definitely her.
>She radiates a motherly feeling.
>She doesn't falter.
>She smiles at you and you feel the blanket caressing you.
>Your eyes move to look and see that it's not a blanket at all...
>If you weren't in so much pain, you'd seriously consider flipping out right about now.
>You're surrounded by unnaturally colorful horses.
>That talk.
>And have WINGS.
 
>"We're not gonna hurt you," she cooes, stroking her wing over your torso.
>The effect is drastic.
>Your nerves mellow right the fuck out and your body relaxes noticeably.
>You blink at her, then swing your eyes around the room to get a look your surroundings.
>You're indoors, in a cozy little bedroom, lying in a small bed.
>Six of the little horses... or, ponies you guess...
>Six of them are standing around various parts of the room.
 
>The purple one is staring quietly at you.
>The orange one is eyeing you suspiciously.
>The white one is... looking at your pants?
>The pink one seems lost in thought.
>The blue one won't sit still.  Floating around the room.  Can't really get a read.
>Then yellow, quiet one...
 
>"Fluttershy?" you ask.
 
>Her eyes go wide.
>"You... you can talk?"
 
>The room erupts into a cacophony of shouting.
>You shut your eyes.
 
>"Girls!  You're scaring it!  Please, leave the room."
 
>"But Flutter-"
 
>"No buts!  Out!"
 
>The orange, blue, and white ones sulk their way out the door.
>The pink one smiles and skips.
>The purple one goes last and turns around at the last minute.
>"We'll be right here, if you need us."
 
>Fluttershy nods, and the purple one leaves.
>The door shuts with a soft click.
 
-----
 
>It's been a few days, but you're feeling much better.
>You can get up and walk around, but it's best if you rest as much as you can.
>Or at least, that's what Fluttershy tells you.
>You still sneak into the kitchen now and then to get some snacks.
>Pony food leaves you hungry.  You think your body wants meat, but there isn't any around.
>With all the animals she takes care of, you figure Fluttershy is a vegetarian.
>You'll live, though.
>You're a lot less... surly than you were, but maybe that's temporary while you recover and acclimate.
>You haven't left the house yet, but you're still learning a lot from the ponies who come to see you.
 
>Fluttershy is the kindest soul you've ever met.
>You're unspeakably thankful that this "Equestria" seems to be such a nice place, because you couldn't possibly bear the thought of anyone hurting her.
 
>Twilight Sparkle, the purple one, is unquenchably curious.  Wicked smart.  Back home, with resources like the internet at her disposal, she'd be the next Stephen Hawking, easy.
>Having magic sure doesn't hurt, though.
 
>Rarity, the white one, strikes you as kindof a stuck up bitch.  Her friends all seem to value her, though, so you're not ready to write her off just yet.
 
>Pinkie Pie, the pink (duh) one, overflows with enthusiasm for EVERYTHING.  If you didn't know better, you'd suspect drugs.
>She's frighteningly well-versed in the pop-culture you remember that none of the others know a thing about.
 
>Applejack, the orange one, is nice enough.  She's a pretty no-nonsense gal, always looking out for her friends.  You can respect that.
 
>Rainbow Dash, the blue one, is an unabashed tomboy.
>She's bold and brash and doesn't give two shits what you have to say about it because she's awesome and she KNOWS IT.
 
>Your thoughts are interrupted by the door creaking open.
 
>"Anon?"
 
>You look up to see Fluttershy leaning her head into the room.
 
>"Do you think... would you like to try going for a walk?"
 
>You glance out the window.
>It's an absolutely gorgeous day.
>You grin.
>"Sure."
 
>Fluttershy smiles softly at you.
 
>You swing your legs over the side of the bed and shove your feet into your shoes.
>You hoist yourself up.
>You wobble just a bit, but your legs are mostly okay and you successfully stand.
>Your shoulders and back still protest, but you bear it.
>You step over and pat Fluttershy on the head.
>"Where to?"
 
-----
 
>You sit down at the base of a nice, shady tree to rest.
>Fluttershy sets out a checkerboard cloth and basket you don't remember her carrying.
>You raise an eyebrow, and she flinches.
 
>"OH!  I'm sorry, Anon, I saw Applejack and her sister about to set up a picnic, and I... oh, I didn't even think to ask whether or not you WANTED a picnic!"
 
>"It's fine, Fluttershy.  I'd love a picnic."
 
>Applejack's little sister walks up to you with curious eyes and prodding hooves.
>"Wow!  He really DON'T have a coat!"
 
>"Apple Bloom!  Haven't I taught you better 'n that?  It's rude to go pokin' folks."
 
>The adorable little pony shrinks away from you and stares at the ground.
>"Sorry, Mr. Anonymous."
 
>"Anon is fine."
 
>She glances up at your face.
>"Can I ask ya a question?"
 
>"Sure."
 
>"Is that why you wear those funny lookin' clothes?  To keep warm, since your skin's all exposed?"
 
>You chuckle.
>"That's one reason."
 
>Applejack fixes you with a stern glare.
>"And it's the ONLY reason we need to discuss right now, isn't it?"
>She pauses, then smiles and ruffles her sister's mane.
>"Let's jes say that different creatures do things different ways, alright?"
 
>Applejack's sturdiness is refreshing.
>As blissfully pure as Fluttershy is, you almost feel trapped.
>You can't risk speaking your mind around her, lest you cause irreparable damage.
>And your meat cravings grow stronger by the hour, but that's just not gonna happen.
 
>You think...
>You think that you should consider living elsewhere.
>And not JUST for such selfish reasons, but because you've been enough of a burden to Fluttershy already.
>Applejack's a tough, hardworking pony.
>You wonder if she could help build you a house...
 
-----
 
>Six weeks later, a sparsely furnished wooden cabin sits on the outskirts of Ponyville, just for you.
>You can never thank Fluttershy enough, but you're happy to free her.  And yourself.
>Applejack was instrumental in getting your shack put together in so little time.
>She, too, deserves all the thanks you can lend her and more.
>Rarity may not have contributed as much, but you're grateful all the same for the clothing she's seen fit to provide you with.
>Twilight has practically tought you a course on Equestrian customs to help you fit in.
>Pinkie never fails to brighten up your day or provide a delicious (even if it isn't meat) morsel.
>Dash is... fun.  Yeah, fun is the right word.  Hanging out with Dash is almost like hanging with one of the guys back home.
 
>You've also managed to make certain... connections.
>You've got a secret compartment in your freezer, and access to meat.
>No, it's better not to ask questions.
>Besides, it's nostalgic in the way it breaks a taboo.
>It's like drinking when you're underage.
>Except OH DEAR GOD THE FLAVOR.
>YOU SWEAR THAT NOTHING IN THE WORLD HAS EVER TASTED AS GLORIOUS AS THAT FIRST BACON CHEESEBURGER.
>Ahem.
 
>Right, so you're happy with the new digs.
>Pinkie threw you a sweet little shindig to break the place in, and you got to see those mares drink.
>Well, sorta.  Rarity sipped casually and didn't change much.
>Twilight got pretty tipsy after just a few.
>Fluttershy had ONE drink and nearly passed out.
>Pinkie Pie shook her head and said something about staying sober.
>Apparently there was an incident involving copious quantities of cinnamon, and that's all she'll say on the matter.
>Applejack handled her liquor like a champ.  She got a bit rowdy, but stayed level-headed and even-hooved.
>Dash though... Dash surprised you.  With her lithe frame, you expected her to be a lightweight, but she almost drank you under the table.
>All in all, it was a fun party.
>Everything just started falling into place, and your whole life gelled.
 
>Except your damn back.
>The local doctors say they can't find anything wrong with you, but what do they know?  They've never dealt with humans before.
 
>Either way, things are good.
>All of these ponies are growing on you.  Even Rarity.
>Who you've managed to snag a job working with.  Fashion's not your first choice, but your dextrous hands help her get things done and she has a certain charm that makes working with her pleasant.
 
>You're kicking back doing nothing in particular on a lazy Sunday, when suddenly there's a knock at the door.
>You cock your head to one side.
>You stand up, rub your back, then step over to the door and pull it open.
 
>"Anon!  Come with me, right now!"
 
>"Dash?  What's wrong?"
 
>"Nothing!  Err... at least I hope so... seriously though, we gotta GO!"
 
>Your brow furrows.  Connoisseurs of literature everywhere wrinkle their noses in disgust at the cliche reaction.
>"And where exactly do we gotta go?"
 
>She's already behind you, pushing her head into your butt and scooting you out the door.
>"Fillydelphia."
 
>You jump to the side and stare at her.
>"What?  How the heck are we gonna get all the way out there?"
 
>She opens her mouth and raises a hoof, pauses, then closes her mouth and lowers the hoof right back down.
>Several seconds pass before she shakes her head.
>"Look, we'll figure something out.  I just know that you NEED to be there A.S.A.P."
 
>"What FOR?"
 
>"You'll see when we get there!" she shouts as she runs behind you, ducks between your legs, and leaps into the sky with you on her back.
 
>Your stomach flips its shit.
>Rollercoasters ain't got NOTHIN' on this girl.
>Somehow, you keep your lunch down as you scream (literally and figuratively) through the sky.
>You didn't know your lungs could hold that much air.
 
-----
 
>You feel something jab you in the ribs.
 
>"Anon, you can quit screaming like a little filly now.  We've landed."
 
>You throw yourself to your knees and slobber wet kisses all over the ground.
 
>Dash laughs nervously and takes a step back.
>"Come on, it wasn't THAT bad, was it?"
 
>You exhale and stand up.
>A dull ache rolls through your shoulders.
>"It was the most terrifying experience of my life.  And I've seen the Bill Cosby sex tape!"
 
>"Relax, Anon.  I've got your back.  I'd never let anything happen to you."
 
>You're glad Dash is such a bro.  Providin' rapid transport, NOT mocking your girlish screams, and even reassuring you after you were a total pussy.
>You silently wrap an arm around her neck and pull her into a quick hug.
>"Thanks."
 
>She offers a weak squeeze in return.
>"Heh... no problem," she says before pulling away.
>"But we're here for a reason!"
 
>Her face is a little flushed.
>Guess carrying you all that way was a little harder than she thought it'd be.
 
>She gestures at a nearby building.
>"Come on.  Inside!"
>She canters over to the door.
 
>You roll your eyes, still not sure what's so important and yet not worth explaining.
>You follow her through the door and into the little brick structure.
>Two screams, one somewhat girly and one incredibly girly, fill the air.
>Guess which one is you?
 
>Your jaw drops.
>Somehow, you're even more shocked by this than you were by arriving in a land of magical talking ponies in the first place.
>Dash is sporting a smug "I told you so" sort of grin.
>You point forward and stammer over a few almost words before managing to get one out.
 
>"How?"
 
>"I should ask you the same thing!"
>Standing on the other side of the room is another human.
>Another human in Equestria.
>And not just ANY human, but one you've met before.
>And not just ANYONE you've met before, but someone you thought you'd never see again.
 
>Pinkie Pie pops out from around a nearby corner, balancing a tray of cookies on her back.
>"Small world, isn't it?"
 
>Jennifer leaps over to you and tackle-hugs you to the floor.
>"It's sooo good to see you again after all these years!"
 
>You're completely speechless.
>When you moved away, you were confident that was the end.
>It was all the more awful that you had no friends at the start of high school.
>So you moved on with your life and did your best to meet new people.
>And she gradually faded into nothing but a memory.
>But here she is.
>Your first girlfriend.