>You are still Twilight Sparkle.
>Ponyville's best librarian and it's only one... Which makes this accomplishment not as amazing as it sounds.
>Anyway...
>Your boyfriend Anon, just left your cozy home to meet up with Kirron, an old minotauren friend of his, for an excessive night of drinking.
>Hopefully, he will behave himself a bit and not wake up on some bench again, because he couldn't find home.
>Yeah... The chances of this not happening are quite slim, but a mare can dream, can't she?
>Anon sees his friend rarely, so he will surely try to get the most out of it.
>And who are you to deny him his fun?
>His marefriend, that is who. But you are not one of those marefriends who try their hardest to change and control their coltfriend.
>Shall he have fun, as long as he's safe you are fine with that.
 >It's not like that you will have much time to worry anyhow... A long and exhausting night of experimentation to find a cure for your addiction lies before you.
>Not to speak, expensive... Very expensive.
>Somehow this little detail just won't leave your mind, because you usually don't care that much about money.
>Maybe a subliminal attempt of the addiction to deter you from your plan?
>Could be, could be.
>You take a mental note of that and walk towards the bookshelf that contains your secret compartment, which holds all your pricey materials or gems that Spike isn't allowed to get near at.
>That rascal would devour them in seconds, if he ever gets a chance to lay his claws on them.
>Those gems are powerful reactive components and if that what you have read about them is true, also quite tasty for dragons.
>Rare delicacies, so to speak.
>Maybe he will get some for his birthday.
>You don't need the Viridian Hearts any more anyhow, so there is no harm done in giving him your remainders.
>Whistling the same song from before, you pull out certain books in a specific order to open said secret compartment.
>With a several clicking and grinding noises it opens and reveals the treasures that are hidden in it.
“Hmm... What will I need?”
>Since you are going to run some biological tests as well, you will certainly need something that won't react with your blood in ill ways but also something that will react with it, and more importantly with what’s in it, at all.
>And if it's really not an addiction, there should be some kind of alien hallucinogenic in your blood stream that causes your highs.
>Not an easy task... Your supplies are more suited for chemical experiments than medicinal ones.
>Crimson Eyes... Maybe. It's pretty red roots contain an oil that acts as a blood clotting agent.
>Travel hallucinogenics in the blood plasma or with the erythrocytes now? Hmm... You can't remember any more...
>If it's the latter, this plant won't be of any help. But you take them out nevertheless and decide to read it up later.
>Now what else...
>These syringes, you will need in any case. So on the table they go.
>Drawing blood from yourself, or seeing your own blood in general, is something you hate with the utmost disgust. It can't be helped however.
>A cold shudder runs down your spine when you hear the sharp needle scrape against the wooden surface of your table.
“Brrrrr...”
>Better replace the needle, before using the syringe... You don't want a nasty infection.
>Why you forget to take it off in the first place, is a mystery to you.
>Replacement needles should be somewhere there... Ah, yes. There they are.
>And luckily still packaged nice and sterile. Just how you like your needles to be.
>They join the syringe on the table and you turn your attention back to the secret shelf of expensive goodies.
>Mmhmm... If you aren't mistaken this yellow gem here, called Brightcore, changes colour if it comes in contact with acids. And since blood is usually neutral or a bit basic, as long as you are healthy, and almost all hallucinogenics are acidic...
>Yeah! Perfect!
>With that, you basically don't need anything else.
>But better be safe than sorry... So just one more thing, that tests for something completely different.
“But for what?”
>Live tissue? Nah. You blood is alive, that would proof nothing.
>Dead tissue is out of the question, for the same reason.
>You scan the shelves of your compartment until something black and shiny in the back row catches your eye.
“Changeling chitin...”
>Taking the jar that contains the armour plate into your magical grip, you inspect it closer.
>It's full of spikes and it's edges are jagged, so it must have belonged to a Hive Guardian or maybe even something greater, like a Brood Sister.
>Both are rather high ranked in the caste system of a Changeling Hive. Especially the Brood Sisters, who raise the Hive's young and are the personal bodyguards of the Queen.
>Shining Armor told you once, that one Sister can easily take on twelve ponies and walk away victorious from that encounter. Often without a serious injury.
>Changelings are fascinating, yet scary creatures.
>But where and why did you get that? You don't remember buying it...
“Hmm...”
>You rotate the jar and begin to think.
>Maybe it got shipped accidentally and you sorted it in without looking at it?
>Unlikely, but it could have happened.
>It doesn't really matter, since this is a very lucky find.
>Changeling chitin reacts with magic. But not with any magic... Non pony magic.
>A very rare trait... And in your case, a very valuable trait.
>If it really is a parasite, and it uses some kind of magic to affect your body and mind or is magical itself, this is the key to finding it.
>Just grind it up, add it to your blood and some time later, you have your result.
>It's a fairly slow process, compared to the Brightcore reaction, but good things take their time.
>Your lips form a wide grin.
>Now you have got both sides of this loathsome coin covered... The chemical and the magical one.
“Perfect.”
 
>Satisfied with your preparations, you close and lock your secret compartment and make sure that the books that act as the opening mechanism do not stand out too much.
>Don't want any nosy ponies or dragons sniffing around in your personal stuff... Nopony has to know what is written in those red booklets.
>Except for you and Anon. To who you will show your written smut and erotic short novels, once things settled down a bit.
>That night is one you look forward to~
>But enough dilly dallying... You walk to your table and take a good look at the things that lie on it.
“I really should sort them a bit more...”
>It isn't too much lying around, but before you accidentally add something wrong and have to start over.
>So all the stuff you need for testing on Anon's cum goes to the left and all the few materials and reagent your need for your blood sample goes to the right.
>Your blood sample...
>Better get this over with now and then treat yourself to something sweet to ease the pain and help your body recover from the massive blood loss it has to endure soon.
>You were never good with needles...
>Gulping, you take the syringe into your magical grasp and remove the old needle from it.
>A new one is ripped open and carefully put into place.
“Buck...”
>It looks sharp and pointy... But unlike Anon's teeth, which are sharp and pointy too, it doesn't arouse you at all.
>Okay... Now to find a good vein. Somewhere on your right foreleg should be a relative prominent one.
>Ah, yes. There it is... Happily transporting your blood through your body and totally unaware of what is going to happen to it.
>You take a deep breath and align the needle to it.
“Here goes nothing.”
>Just as the ground edge made contact with your skin, you notice that you forgot one very important step.
>You didn't disinfect the skin and fur around the vein... That could have ended very, very badly.
>The last thing you need right now is a festering infection, that could probably cost you your leg or even your life.
“Buck.”
>There should be some pre-tinctured cotton swabs in the kitchen somewhere. And while you are there, you can grab your sweet treat as well.
>Maybe a cookie or a glass of chocolate milk.
>Which you hated as a foal for some reason... You even spilt it on purpose, so you didn't have to drink it.
>But now you couldn't live without a tall glass of this chocolatey goodness at least every few days.
>Yeah... That sounds nice.
>So you carefully put the syringe back on the table, making sure that the needle on it doesn't touch anything and trot over to your kitchen.
>Flicking the lights on, you levitate your favourite glass out of the cabinet and fill it with milk and two... no three teaspoons of chocolate powder.
>Cold is the way it was meant to be drank. Pinkie tries to tell you otherwise, but you firmly stand  your ground.
>Hot chocolate is nice on cold days though... But even then, you mostly drink it cold out of pure habit.
>Also you love the small cocoa clumps that float on the top. They are the best~
>A distinct, delicious smell invades your nostrils and your mouth begins to water... You are heavily tempted to gulp it down right now. But you have to be strong and safe this for after your blood-letting.
>You will need it.
>With a sigh, you close the fridge's door and start to look through your drawers.
>In of them, there must be an unopened pack of those swabs.
>Given that, Spike didn't already use them to disinfect his comic books or something.
>It would be funny, if it wasn't true... He claims that this raises their worth somehow and stops them from ageing.
>Yeah... sure.
>After some rummaging and resorting, you finally find one pack.  And luckily it's still unopened and seems to be in date.
>Very nice.
>Now you have everything and can finally injure yourself... Yay~
“Meh.”
>You take a sip of your chocolate milk and let it's rich taste fill your mouth, before you make your way back to the living room.
>Now that's what you call good chocolate milk. Perfect in all it's aspects and totally worth the ten bits per one pound bag you have to pay for it, but hey... You only live once, don't you?
>Putting the glass somewhere safe on the table, you let your magic once more take hold of the syringe and tear the packaging of the dabs open.
>Instantly the room is flooded with a strong chemical smell that reminds you of Ponyville's hospital.
>And if they wouldn't ask questions on why you need a blood sample for yourself in the middle of the night, you would go there and let them do it.
>But sadly, they do and so you have to do it yourself.
>You pull one swab out and disinfect the vein and it's vicinity with light dabs until your fur and skin feels ice cold.
>That should have done the trick... Now it has to dry in for a bit and then you can begin at last.
>At least you won't cripple or kill yourself now. That's something.
>After a good thirty second it feels dry enough and you once more align the needle with your pulsating vein.
>Even only feeling it scraping against your skin, sends a cold shudder down your spine.
>Thoughts of doubt and qualm begin to fill your mind and you catch yourself contemplating about a possible abort of this endeavour.
“Celestia be damned...”
 
>This bucking addiction really starts to fuck with your mind. And the faster you get this over with the faster you can find a cure.
>You take another deep breath and prop your leg on a chair, so it won't accidentally slip away and possibly cause an injury.
>That needle is sharpened to such an extent, it could even pierce the skin of a chimera with ease. And since the Royal Guard makes armour out of their hides, that means it's sharp as tartarus.
>What can you say... You only buy the quality stuff.
>The syringe itself isn't exactly intended for medical purposes, though.
>You originally bought it to extract the liquid cores from some specific, magical ores.
>They are made out of iron, and hence quite sturdy but very stiff and clunky. So you need to concentrate and focus your magic extra carefully, if you don't want to hurt yourself.
>By the celestial sisters, you are making quite an affair out of it, aren't you?
>But you can't help it... You hate seeing your own blood. The sight of it makes you feel sick and light-headed.
>More than once, you nearly passed out when you cut yourself and saw your blood dripping to the ground..
>Strangely not when Anon bit you today... Maybe the addiction or your arousal has overwritten your.
>Hmm... Funny how some things work.  
>But enough stalling. You wasted enough time, and if you don't get this over with soon, you might change your mind and delay the creation of the cure you so urgently need.
>You want to have a normal relationship with Anon some day... Without this nuisance that is your addiction to his cum.
>So you inhale and exhale deeply and regularly, just like Cadence taught you, to calm your nerves.
“I'm ready...”  
>With one fluid movement, you let the needle pierce the thin barrier that protects your vein from the outside world.
>You ignore the sharp pain you feel as it slowly sinks into your fore leg and fully concentrate on aligning it properly.
>But the pain soon starts to intensify, and your brain begs you to stop.
“Buck... Focus, Sparkle. Focus.”
>It must lie in the absolute correct position, or else you won't be able to actually draw blood and even might penetrate the vein which would cause all sorts of problems.
>So you start adjusting the syringe's position with picayune movements until you think the needle lies inside your vein in the right angle.
>Sadly these needles aren't proper medical ones either... They are a bit too thick and inflexible to use them on ponies, but you learned to work with what you have.
>And this is what you have right now.
>This... This should do. Not too steep and not too shallow. An angle of roughly 30 degrees.
>N-Nice...
>Slowly and carefully, you pull back the plunger and watch as the syringe's barrels fills itself with the thick, crimson liquid that is your blood
>As per usual, your stomach begins to contort and your body to shudder.
>You have no problem seeing the blood of others, even that of your closest friends, but as soon as your gaze falls on your own life's essence, you become a shivering mess.
>Buck! Not now...
>Your magical grip on the syringe starts to weaken as your concentration slips away.
“Urgh...”
>Several belches leave your mouth and your oral cavity is filled with the bitter, acidic taste of vomit and stomach acid.
>You start to breath through your nose, making sure to do it steadily and deliberately.
>It helps and soon you can fully focus on this horrific ordeal once more.
“Okay... Wonderful.”
>How much will you need anyway? Two ounces perhaps? Will this be enough?
>Most likely, yes. But the syringe can hold roughly five, so it doesn't hurt to fill it completely and have some surplus in case you need to repeat a test.
>Also it spares you from going through this act again if this case should happen... Which is far more important.
>Five it is then.
>You close your eyes and continue to pull the plunger back and thus filling the barrel with blood.
>Soon you can feel it hilt and you open your eyes again.
>The syringe is full of your blood. Like a giant, ironclad mosquito that has just feasted on you.
“Phew...”
>A sigh of relief escapes your lips and you gently extract the needle out of your appendage.
>Nice and slow of course. Otherwise you might cause a bloody mess that you will have to clean up afterwards.
>And you really don't want to do this, since the contents of your stomach will most likely add themselves to your blood.
>Stop thinking such disgusting thoughts... You only work yourself up, you stupid foal.
>Once the needle has exited your leg completely, you immediately press the used cotton swab on the small puncture wound to prevent any further blood loss.
>The remaining disinfectant burns like fire, but you endure it like a big filly should.
“Thank Celestia...”
>At last it's over and you take a look at the syringe.
>The way your blood reflects the light that falls on it is beautiful, yet sickening at the same time.
>Like a very dark, red wine... A smile appears on your lips.
“Finally.”
>You remove the needle from the syringe before carefully removing the filled vial it contains and putting it on the table.
>The needle gets disarmed by small piece of cork and then thrown away in a special container that you can tightly seal, once it is full.
>It's the law after all, and you are a law obeying  pony... Well, most of the time.
“Hah... Nice. I'm glad that this is over.” you say to yourself.
>You still will need to preserve your blood with the same spell you used on Anon's cum. Or else it will be soon gone bad and useless for your tests.
>Speaking of Anon's cum... How is it doing? Hopefully your spell hasn't worn off in the meantime.
>But a quick nuzzle proves that it's just as warm and nice as it was when it left your body this afternoon.
>It even hasn't lost any of it's consistency or texture... How nice.
>Your mouth begins to water and you catch your tongue licking your lips against your will.
“Oh my~”
>His seed really does look tempting and delicious... Perhaps you will allow yourself a quick sip before you start testing.
>Just to make sure that none of the withdrawal symptoms hit you during them...
>Yeah~
>Or...
>Your gaze falls on the chocolate milk you prepared beforehand and the smile on your lips grows wider.
>Or.... You could try something completely new.
 
>You take the vial into your magical grip and let it rotate before your eyes at a slight angle.
>Watching the thick liquid viscously move around is quite mesmerizing
“Still as fresh as before...”
>What coaxes you to try this admittedly disgusting thing, is beyond you.
>Maybe your addiction, or your kink for cum that you always had. Well , at least since you started having proper sexual relationships.
>And that kink got so dominant, that you even developed a spell for the sole purpose of increasing your lovers production of it.
>There was a time where you wondered if this was normal or not. But you learned pretty quickly that other ponies get off to much weirder stuff than you, so you stopped bothering.
>You open the vial and sniff it's mouth.
>A pleasant shudder runs down your spine as the slightly chlorine smell fills your nostrils and instantly your mind gets flooded with weird, psychedelic thoughts.
>Yep, that is definitively your addiction.
>Oh... You kinda forgot that his cum has now some very spectacular effects on you.
>Like strong hallucinations and total loss of your brain functions for a short time.
>But why did this so very obvious detail slip your mind? Strange...
>Probably another aspect of this addiction. What a sly and hellish thing it seems to be.
>So maybe you shouldn't try it after all and just resort to it when you feel the withdrawal effects boding.
>But didn't your magic negate it's effects?
>Yes, it did... That means that it must be magical itself to at least some lesser degree.
>Good thing, you remembered that.
>You really should start writing these important tidbits about your addiction down. If you are not mistaken, there should be a notepad and a bottle of ink in the drawers.
>And indeed, you find them after some rummaging and put them on the desk.
>The notepad is a bit yellowed, but it should do just fine. You won't keep those notes for too long anyway.
>A quill that was made out of one of Rainbow's primaries, that she lost during a storm and then decided to gift to you as a birthday present, is already on the table.
>Of course it was properly altered to fit it's new purpose and even got some really beautiful golden ornaments on it.
>It's easily your favourite and you always keep it safe so it doesn't accidentally break.
>That would be a real shame, since it's considered as a sign of trust when a pegasus gives you one of his primaries.
>And you don't want to disrespect Rainbow in any way. She has done so much for you.
>Anyway... You grab it and start to think.
>What do you know for certain about the addiction?
“Hmm...”
>With swift and long strokes of the quill, you write everything down that comes to your mind and has something to do with your current affliction.
>After a while, you have a nice compiled list of all the traits and aspects of your addiction.
>How it works, what it's effects are, how it reacts to magic, etcetera, etcetera.
>You even thought to replace all instances, where you would have to mention Anon's cum, with some plant you cooked just up.
>So even if somepony somehow finds your notes after you have thrown them away, he or she would would be none the wiser.
>Ponyville is a relative safe and nice community, but even here there are some strange ponies who dig through the trash of others, in hope that they find something interesting.
>Creepy...
>But that shall not bother you tonight, there are bodily fluids that wait to be experimented on.
>With which to begin though...
>It would be probably for the best if you start with the blood, since it still isn't conserved and put in a proper vessel.
>Blood can stay at room temperature for a while without going bad, but better not to take any risks.
>So you take a flask out of the shelf and carefully empty the syringe into it.
>The irony smell that forcefully invades your nostrils is revolting. Not to speak of the sight of...
>Your blood freely flowing...
“Urgh...”
>Once more your stomach plays up and you fight hard against the urge to puke.
>Luckily it's soon over and you immediately close the flask with a cork.
“Phew...”
>Now you have earned yourself a sip of your chocolate milk and waste no time in doing so.
>The cold, chocolatey treat flows down your throat and calms your raging gastrointestinal tract.
“Mmhh~ Much better.”
>Putting the glass back on the table again, you close your eyes and gather the necessary magic winds to cast the preservation spell.
>Buck... Not enough Qhaysh in the air to give it enough of it's time-slowing properties.
>That doesn't really surprise you, since it's a combination of several strands of the eight winds and thus incredibly rare.
>You could combine them yourself, but that is a exhausting and potentially dangerous endeavor.
>And you don't need more problems than you already have, so you just take what you can get and release the spell with less power.
>It will  have to do and you will have to start with your blood. Which you don't really want, but eh.
>Can't change what you can't change.
>At least it won't go bad now and you have some time to prepare or grind up all the ores, gems and changeling body parts.
>Apropos changelings... You wanted to read up to which kind or breed of changeling that chitin plate belongs.
>A bit of reading to calm yourself before you start experimenting can't hurt. Reading in general never hurt somepony or something.
>Reading is practically the best thing in the world.
“Books!” you suddenly blurt out.
>Huh? Where did that come from?
>Strange, yet adorable. Anon would have liked it.
>Anyhow... Books about changelings should be in the Equestrian Wildlife section which is conveniently located in the room next to yours.
>So you check another time that everything on your table has a safe place and then trot into it.
>Flicking the lights on, you begin to scan the large shelf for books about changelings or their hives.
>Honestly it is kinda insulting for them to be considered “Wildlife”, since they are just as intelligent and sentient as ponies.
>But the royal librarians say that they are wildlife and so you have to sort them in as such. Or else you will be fined when the inspector comes to inspect your library. And quite heftily too...
>And they always come unannounced. So no secret fucking against the system either.
>A...
>B...
>C...
“Carnifices – Or how I learned to ignore the thousand fangs and got a neat mount...”
>Anypony who is insane enough to consider a Carnifex as a suitable mount should not be allowed to write a book.
>These abysmal things are basically only a large mouth with four very sharp claws, that happen to be long enough to give these monsters the gift of locomotion.
>A bit disgusted you move on.
“Celestia's menagerie.”
>That's only a report about which creatures currently live in Celestia's menagerie. Nothing too interesting and outdated too since it's from last year.
>Floating it out of the shelf and putting it aside, you take a mental note to order a more recent version.
>Not too many ponies actually borrow it, but Fluttershy does from time to time. So that's reason enough.
>The next few books are uninteresting too.
>By Celestia do you really need so many books about CeCeCe flies? They are rather dangerous creatures, but still...
>Eight books?! Nah, that’s at least four too many.
>You should really sort a few of them out in the near future.
“Mhmmhmm...”
>Ah. There they are. Very overseeable collection though...
>Ponies aren't exactly fond of reading about one of their greatest enemies, so you sadly had to thin this topic out.
>Books that don't get borrowed don't create any money, and you have to live from something too...
>That's the harsh truth... But you kept the most interesting and extensive books, so you should still be able to find something that will help you along.
>Lets see...
“Changeling reproduction... Nah. Changelings, A brief history. Hmm no.”
>Huh? What's this?
>A thin, red booklet with no title on it's spine. What could that be?
>You grab it and take a look on it's cover.
“Oh my...”
>Seems like you just found a bachelor thesis from one of your former fellow students.
“The Changeling's Hives – How they became the most equal of all communities and what Equestria can learn from them. By Starlight Glimmer.”
>Starlight Glimmer...  
>You remember her.
>She was a quirky pony with lots of crazy notions about equality and what not.
>One day she had a quite fierce argument with your alchemy professor about how the materials weren't distributed equally. And on how she and her friends always got the low quality ones.
>Which was of course not true, but Starlight insisted on it and even threatened to call “the authorities”.
>When you were alone with her, she was a nice and friendly pony though. With a very interesting view on the world.
>Sadly, she just vanished someday and was never seen again.
>You wonder whatever happened to her. Hopefully she is well and alive.
>Equestria is a dangerous place if you wander off too far from civilisation...
>Maybe you will read in her thesis a bit later, before you go to bed.
>It looks worthwhile enough, so why not?
 
>But that's still not what you are looking for.
>So you put the booklet next to the outdated report and continue your search for wisdom.
“Uh.”
>This sounds promising.
“The structure of a changeling hive – A detailed compendium about the most common types of hives and the creatures that live within them.”
>Most common... Heh.
>As far as you know, there are only three types of hives.
>The brood colonies, which are specifically built to provide more living room, so the queen that occupies one can produce as much offspring as possible.
>They are not very common though, since they don't offer much else than living room and brood chambers and are most often found in areas that the changelings want to colonize.
>Commonly founded along with the second type of hive: A barrack cluster.
>Rather small hives with a focus on creating soldier types and drones with no specific talent.
>Usually without a queen living there. But a few Brood Sisters, who get the necessary eggs from a nearby hive and hatch them back home.
>It's rumoured among sages who specialise on changelings, that the vicinity of a queen inhibits the  development of soldiers and other “male” brood strands.
>Most likely due to some strange pheromone interactions or something similar.
>This theory is underpinned by the last type of hive that you know of.
>Which is also the most common one.
>The so called “Hive Spire”. Which are named after their large, tower-like appearance.
>One can easily reach two hundred metres in height and the biggest specimens are almost half a mile high.
>Luckily those are located deep in the Bad Lands and thus far away from Equestria.
>Analyses of abandoned or destroyed hives of this type, show that the soldiers quarters are usually very far away from  the queen's chambers and more often than not, not even directly connected to them.
>Sometimes even deep underground or in parts of the hive that were clearly attached afterwards.
>A strange quirk of their biology... And honestly one of their biggest weaknesses too.
>Most successful hive raids of the Equestrian Army were made possible by simply separating the queen from her soldiers and then finishing her off.
>Thus severing the mental tether that connects and unites the changelings. Without their queen the remaining changeling soldiers revert back to some kind of natural instinct and are then usually dispersed pretty quickly.
>Hah! It feels nice to check one's knowledge from time to time. Just to see if it's still there.
>And everything you learned from books or what Shining told you is still anchored in your brain. Nice~
>Now you can finally check to which kind of changeling that armour plate once belonged.
>You magically take the book out of the shelf and put it on the reading pedestal, you bought last year.
>And what a nice pedestal it is! Made from the finest fake marble you can buy on this side of Equestria.
>Some day you will have one made out of real marble... Some day...
>But for now this one has to do.
>Carefully, you open the book and skim through the table of contents.
“Changeling breeds... Ah there!”
>Drones and other working breeds... No. The scale is far too big, thick and spiked  for that.
>It has to be one of your former suggestions.
>Where is the sections about soldier types?
>Okay, page 220.
>Turning the book to said page, you begin to read.
>Might as well bury yourself in this book for a bit. If you remember correctly, it is a pretty interesting and fascinating read.
>The author describes the different types of changelings very well and offers an unbiased view on them.
>Without all this “They are such savage monsters” and other fear and hate mongering kibosh, some authors tend to use, just to sell a few more copies.
>Oh, the temptations of the filthy lucre. What it does to some, is truly outrageous.
>Anyway... There is knowledge to be read and pretty pictures to be looked at!
>Without them you, that whole ordeal would be a bit senseless.
>Let's read the introduction first.
>Hmm... Just something about their ability to shapeshift.. And the fact that most of the soldier types posses it, but usually don't use this natural trait of their species in battle.
>Okay... But why?
>Does it hinder them or... Oh, maybe you should read the paragraph in it's entirety first, before you ask yourself dumb questions...
>It clearly says that this ability needs too much energy, both mental and physical, to be sustained during a fight.
>Well, then. Now you understand.
>It's like when a unicorn battlemage tries to sustain twelve different enchantments at the same time and then casts even more spells to inflict damage on the enemy.
>Saying that this is a difficult and exhausting task is an understatement...
>But now that you are properly introduced, it's time for the main course.
“The Soldier – The most common of all combat oriented drones. Nearly indistinguishable from the regular changeling drone and only marginal stronger than them. Their carapaces tend to be thicker and more resilient and their magic is almost completely combat focused. If no battles are currently fought, they lose their properties over time and become normal drones.”
>Interesting.
“Every hundredth or so Soldier will be born as a “Brood Leader”. A slightly bigger and stronger version of this type who usually stays out of battles and uses their natural ability to telepathically communicate with it's brethren to lead and control them.”
>So very totally cool. You wish ponies were able to do that... That would make so many things so much easier.
>Like ordering in a restaurant for example.
“Menders – Drones with a specialisation for treating the wounded. Their saliva glands are capable of producing a thick, red goo that mends Changeling chitin and sterilises wounds. It also contains a mixture of various endorphins, that revitalize the Changeling so it is almost immediately ready for battle again. As long as it was not too severely wounded, of course.”
>Fascinating, but unicorn medics can do similar things with their magic. So that's nothing new to you.
>You turn the page.
“Raptor – One of the few types that are only bred during times of war, since they are purely driven by instinct and will attack their brethren, when no enemy is available. Their forelegs are replaced by sharp mantis-like claws and their hind legs are longer and stronger to allow for somewhat fast bipedal movement and sudden, powerful pounces. This species wings are too small to allow for flight, but they still can be used to prolong jumps and to gain some height during them. So they should not be underestimated in battle, just because they seem to be ground-bound.”
>Trade security for power, you guess?
>Personally, you would never use something in battle that could possible harm your side worse than the enemies, but you aren't a changeling either... They think differently than ponies.
>For them the individual is not in the fore.
>Anyway... Their plates almost look like yours, but are still too small and not spiky enough.
>Maybe this one on the next page? It looks big and ferocious in the drawing.
“Hive Guardian – Genderless hulks that guard the inner parts of a hive or in some cases the entrances to them. Their natural armour is almost completely impervious to damage and reflects most projectile and beam based magic. This incredible defence makes them slow and sluggish but to compensate for this, they possess powerful claws that are easily capable of slicing even through stone and forged metal. Not much is known about their behaviour. Some sages assume that they don't have an intellect of their own and are controlled by other, higher ranked changelings instead. Since some observed specimen guarded the same entrance for over two weeks without moving a single limb or even taking in any kind of sustenance.”
>So they are just like golems then? How peculiar...
>And you have to correct your statement from before:
>Most changelings are just as sentient and intelligent as ponies... This one, is not.
>Or any other type of soldier up to this point... Are they just mindless machines meant for war?
>”The Soldiers” and “Menders” seem to have at least some kind of sentience. But the rest?
>You quickly browse through the section that describes the changelings military.
>No.
>Seems like that only the “civil” parts of a hive are truly sentient and possess a free will...
>War seems almost like a necessary evil and an afterthought to them and their nature.
>Creepy to a point, but very fascinating.
>You decide to investigate this topic further when things are less stressful again.
>This has potential to be a scientific breakthrough...
>Maybe it could change the relationship between Equestria and the Changelings all together!
>Who knows?
>Also you think that you have found the origin of your chitin plate, since the drawing on this page almost is a one-to-one copy of the scale you have.
>Yeah... The same jagged edges... The same form and the spikes on it are also the same form and length.
>Wonderful! Another mystery that stems out of a mess in one of your secret compartments has been solved!
>And you learned something new and made new insights too! Victory on all levels!
>Nice~
>You close the book and let out a deep breath.
>That really helped to calm your mind... From nothing, to be honest, but still it feels good.
>But now you really have to start experimenting... You wasted enough time.
>Well, time spent reading is never wasted but you know what you mean.
>You take a last look at the book and brush some dust off it's cover.
“Okay... Time to get going.”
 
>Flicking the lights off, you enter your living room again and trot towards your experiment set-up.
>Well, if you can call a couple of flasks and some assorted gems and metals, a set-up
>You could take this down to the cellar, where you have established yourself a lab, but the tests you want to run are far too simple to justify that.
>Grinding stuff up and mixing them together in two kinds of bodily fluids is something that can easily be done in the warmth of your living room.
>Without the hassle of carrying it down and setting your equipment up.
>You take a quick sip of your chocolate milk, while you rearrange some things.
>This goes here and that there... Uhh...        
>Your chocolatey drink is already getting warm... Better finish it off quickly before it reaches critical staleness.
>This cocoa powder is far too expensive to allow that to happen. So down the throat it goes.
“Mmm~ That hit the spot.”
>Wiping your muzzle with a napkin you conveniently found on the floor, you put the now empty glass on a nearby stool so it doesn't get in your way.
>Let's see... What do you have to do first?
>Probably grind up the stuff you need for your blood since this stupid Qhaysh decided to make itself rare today.
>Maybe you should just buy yourself a magic storage device... They are terribly costly, but Shining could get his hooves on an used one.
>The Royal Guard sells their old devices from time to time. Usually only ponies who conduct magical research or work with magic in some other way are allowed to buy the variants that are capable of storing combined winds like Qhaysh, but you... You have connections and you are going to use them.
>Mercilessly.
>Your gaze falls on the filled syringe and your muzzle scrunches up in disgust.
>Meh... You hate working with blood.
>The last time you got it all over your coat after a slip and had a freak out of epic proportions.
>Rarity and Fluttershy, who were nearby for some reason, rushed through your front door to check on you and thought you had tried to kill yourself.
>Your dressmaking friend even ignored all the blood on the floor and got her hooves dirty, just see if you are okay or not.
>...
>That was one exciting day, heh. But you are lucky to have the friends you have.
>Sighing, your take the syringe into your hooves and give it a little shake.
>The thick liquid in it sloshes around.
>And this time it's your own too... Which is a problem in itself.
>You put the ironclad container down again and reach somewhat hesitantly for your mortar and pestle.
“Hmm...”
>It's pretty worn down... You will need a new one soon.
>Putting the mortar down, you grab the changeling scale and try to break off some of the smaller spikes, by carefully slamming them against the edge of the table.
>But they proof themselves to be quite resilient to your arduous efforts and don't have the decency to even slightly bend.
“Buck... Come on now, you stupid things!”
>Perhaps you have more luck with the large, crooked one? Leverage and physics should be on your side...
>It's worth a try.
>So you bring the heavy scale another time over your head and slam it with greater force against the edge.
“Kyah!”
>And it yields some results... But not the ones you hoped for or wanted.
>Instead of a broken off spike, you now have a rather large chink in your table, where the spine went through  it like a hot knife through butter.
>In disbelief, you stare at the cut... And then at the chitin spike... Is it... Is it bladed?
>You let your hoof run over it and immediately retrieve it again once you feel a cutting sensation.
>By the celestial sisters, it is... Fascinating. It doesn't even look like it has an edge, but it does.
>A very hidden and nearly invisible one, as a closer look proofs. Only a faint and subtle reflection gives it away.
>The plate itself must have come from one of the changelings fore legs, or maybe it's shoulders.
>Otherwise this spike couldn't have been used effectively.
>A cold shudder runs down your spine when you imagine the damage it could and probably has caused.
>It's easily long enough to bore right into somepony's heart, regardless of whether it has entered through this pony's side, chest or back.
“Buck...”
>You now realize that you hold a weapon of war in your hooves, that probably has the blood of somepony on it and it doesn't feel good. Not one bucking bit.
>It begins to feel eerily hot in your grip and you let it fall to the ground out of surprise.
>With a dull, rattling noise the plate  hits the floor and you stare blankly at it.
>Why does this affect you so hard? It's not like you can change anything about it's past...
>No... Stop being silly Sparkle, and continue with your tests.
>You pick it up again and give it another look over.
>Still doesn't look any better or friendlier, but...
>Is that a crack at the spike's base?
>Yeah, it is! Seems like you did some damage to it. How lucky.
>A little bit more and it should finally break off.
>Smiling, you carry the black plate over to a wall that has been partly replaced with granite bricks, since the wood there has rotten away over time due to water damage.
>Caused by Spike and one of his attempts to turn the stairway into a water slide.
>Running your hoof over the cold and smooth surface of the stone, you let it go through the nod.
>This should be hard enough to do the job.
>...
“Why for the sake of the four elder sisters, didn’t I use this wall in the first place?!”
>Sometimes you can be denser than granite itself.
>Meh... What happened, happened. No use crying over spilt milk and other phrases and proverbs that have the same meaning.
>Anyway...
>You plant your plot on the floor and lunge out.
>SMACK!
>And another time.
>SMACK!
>Finally, you hear that damn spike, that caused you so much trouble, hit the ground.
“Hah! Twilight Sparkle prevails once again!”
>It's still a bit to big to fit into your mortar, though... If you somehow could get smaller pieces off of it, that would be nice.
>Mmhh... You let your eyes wander through the room.
>No, nothing that could help you with this task.
>A long sigh escapes your lips as you pick the spike up and bring it over to the table.
>You let the plate itself on the floor for the moment. There is no rush in stowing it away.
>Once you reach your destination, you let the black spine fall into the mortar and decide to stare at it for a while.
>Maybe an idea will come to your mind while you do this.
“...”
>Well, you could blast it with magic until it crumbles.
>Freeze it and then try to grind it up. Yeah... That could work.
>Most things get brittle once they reach a low enough temperature. Hopefully this is the case too for changeling chitin.
>But first let's see if the magic winds decided to desert you once again.
>You close your eyes and let magic flow through your horn. Gathering all the magical energy in it's vicinity.
>Hah! Nice!
>There is more than enough Azyr and Hysh in the air to conjure a blizzard. Wonderful.
>So you begin to weave the necessary winds together and prepare to release the spell once the coldness in your horn is nearly unbearable.
>Cold magic was never your favourite. It's just too uncomfortable.
>With a bright flash, you let it loose and a white stream of icy mist flows towards the mortar.
>The grinding device itself is enchanted in such a way that it isn't affected by magic at all. Your table though...
>It will suffer some damage from your spell, but you can easily fix that later with some polish and oil.
>After roughly twenty seconds, you cancel the spell and wait until the mist has dispersed before carefully poking the now frozen spike.
>It crackles quietly when your hoof makes contact with it and a smile spreads across your lips.
“Nice. Chilled to the core and as bristle as a madeira cake.”
>Now you have to strike while the iron is hot... or cold.
>Taking the pestle into your magical grip, you start to work on it with strong, deliberate strokes.
>It still takes some dedication but after a good minute or so, the spike has been reduced to a fine, black powder.
>Satisfied with the results, you screw the syringe with your blood open and pour some of it into a broad vial.
>Quickly, you add the grounded up chitin to it and almost immediately it dyes the red liquid many shades darker.
“Eww...”
>Before any smells can reach your nostrils, you close the vial and put it far away from you.
>This has to be left standing for now and after a while you should be able to read the results off it, depending on the colour and consistency it takes on.
>If there even is any alien magic in your blood... But you will see.
>Somewhere you have a table with all the possible results on it, you just have to find it again.
>If you are not mistaken. it should be somewhere in your closet.
>But that can wait until you need it.
>Now you first want to finish up all the blood related stuff, so you can move on to another bodily fluid that doesn't disgust you so much.
“Okay... Where did I put the Brightcore? Ah, there.”
>You grab it and slam it once down on the table. A few splinters break away and hit the desk with the signature bell-like chime this gem has.
>If it wasn't so fragile, it would be a wonderful musical instrument. Sadly it is and has to scrape it's living by being a cheap acid indicator.
>Picking one of the splinters up with your magic, you throw it into a broad vial and pour the remaining blood over it.
>Luckily you decided beforehand to fill the syringe completely, since it is barely enough to cover the splinter.
>Just as you wanted to close the vial, something comes to your mind.
“Oh buck...”
>You have forgotten to tie a string around the shard, so that you can easily fish it out when it has properly finished it's reaction.
>Nicely done, Sparkle. Now you will have to clean the sink later, since you cannot use magic on the splinter to retrieve it again.
>Well you could, but that could distort the result.
>What has been done, cannot be undone. Might as well get mentally prepared to scrub your sink in about ten minutes.
>Just what you wanted to do tonight.
>Sighing, you get on your four hooves and stretch them one by one.
“Ten minutes, huh....”
>This will be your first piece towards solving that puzzle that is your addiction. That you are excited is an understatement.
>A queasy feeling spreads in your stomach.
>What if your tests yield no results?
>What if they will never show anything?
>What if you are incapable to stop this affliction?
>You sit down on your haunches and massage your temples.
“Calm down, Sparkle. Believe in yourself and in science.”
>Even if everything goes wrong there is always hope. And it comes in the form of your mentor.
>Princess Celestia.
>It will be horribly embarrassing to tell her what and how it happened, but you will just have to swallow the bitter pill and ask for her help.
>She will surely know a way to cure you.
>Yeah... How nice. Just imagine...
“Hey Princess! I'm addicted to the ejaculate of the alien that showed up some time ago. Do you know of something that doesn't make me crave his hot, sticky cum every few hours? That would be really bucking nice of you.”
>Ergh...
>But that is still a long way off... Let's first see how tonight turns out.
>If you really don't get any results, you will just try again another time in your laboratory.
>There you can conduct more complicated tests and experiments, that at least should give something that you can work with.
>Even if it's going to be way more expensive than this... But money doesn't matter when it's about your health.
“Yeah!”
>With new found hope, you brush the dark thoughts away and grab the vial to give it a good shake, with the purpose of covering every inch of the shard with your life's essence.
>Well that was the intent... But sadly you forgot in your overzealousness to close the vial again.
“Aaaaahhhh!”
>The blood sloshes out of it and splatters against your face and mane.
>Out of pure shock, your grip on the glass vessel loosens and it falls to the ground. Shattering into a thousand pieces.
>Almost instantly you begin to shudder and the queasy feeling in your stomach mutates to a full blown nausea.
>By Celestia, this is too much.
>The cold and sticky feeling on how it runs down your coat.
>The fetid smell and taste of iron and rust that invades your nostrils and mouth.
>Oh by the celestial sisters, it got in your mouth.
>Tears shoot into your eyes and your oral cavity is filled with the bitter aroma of vomit.
>In the last possible second, you manage to teleport yourself into your bathroom and let nature have it's way.
>...
>After your dinner exited you the same way it came in and of course a quick shower, you trot out of your room and make your way down the stairs.
>That was totally not part of your plan.
>How could you forget the close that bucking vial? How incredibly stupid and careless of you.
>Now you have to probably take another blood sample. Terrific, just bucking terrific.
>Grumbling, you enter your living room once again and hesitantly check the floor.
>Hopefully it's not too bad...
“Phew...”
>Only a few drops are spread across it... Nothing that a wet rag cannot fix.
>The glass shards though... You will need a broom and a scoop for that.
>But one shard sticks out...
>You pick it up and hold it close to your eyes.
>It's the Brightcore splinter...
“Hmm...”
>It is still covered in your blood, but you can clearly make out some discolourations. Red ones to be exact.
>You wipe it with the side off your hoof to make sure it isn't just blood, but the red spots stay.
>A smile forms on your lips.
>Looks like you don't need to take another sample after all.
>But even more importantly, that means there is something acidic in your blood. Something very acidic.
“Perfect.”
>And that means it isn't an addiction, since you are fairly sure that Anon's cum isn't capable of producing it's own hallucinogenics.
>Or that your body converts it into one somehow.
>No...
>Now you just have to find out what produces this poison and pumps it through your body.
>And...
>Why it only does this when your boyfriend's releases his seed inside you.
“Hah.”
>Flicking the shard into the air, you catch it with your other hoof before it hits the ground.
>You will get behind this.
 
~~~
 
>You are now Anonymous again.
>Equestria's only human with all the benefits and drawbacks that come with that status.
>Like having hands and being accused of desecrating graves to satisfy your sick flesh eating habits.
>Yeah... That happens once every few months.
>Usually it comes from the same ponies too, so you stopped caring after a while.
>Anyhow... You just left your marefriend's treebrary home and stepped into the cold night.
“Brrr... “
>You fasten your jacked, take a deep breath to fill your lungs with that fresh, crisp air and begin to make your way to Kirron's wagon.
>Who is hopefully still there and has not decided to set up his camp somewhere already.
>But knowing him, he probably tried to hit on a random mare and showed her all  his weapons in an attempt to impress her.
>Which has a success rate of roughly five percent, judging by your experiences, but usually those mares are so intimidated by his stature that they don't dare to leave and endure the whole show before politely excusing themselves.
>And by politely excusing themselves, you mean running like the wind.
>Poor Kirron, but at least this whole procedure can take anywhere between thirty minutes and an hour. Depending on what your weaponsmithing friend has currently in stock.
>So your chances of finding him still standing at his makeshift stall are not that bad.
>He might be crestfallen, but that is nothing a beer or two can't fix.
>Oh man... You can't wait to finally wet your throat again with this masterpiece of a brew.
>It has been so long since you had a real beer.
>Ponies can make a mean cider and their wine isn't that bad either, but they cannot seem to brew a beer that is worth a damn.
>And you could use something to drink right now...
>The taste of Twilight's... well, let's just say lubrication and love efforts is still lingering in your mouth.
>Which is by all means not terribly bad, it tastes faintly of grass and hay, but you can certainly start to make out which other components are mixed in too.
>Another difference to a human female, you will have to learn to accept and love.
>It's not like you had any trouble with the rest of her horselike aspects, so you don't worry and move on.
>Mum and Dad would be proud though...
“Well...”
>You chuckle and shake those thoughts off.
>They would be happy enough, knowing that their son is well and alive, despite him being in an unholy relationship.
>Taking another deep breath, you enter the road that leads to the Apple-family's farm.
>Seems like everyone is at home already or has found a place to get wasted tonight, since the streets are fairly empty.
>Expect for the occasional couple or lonely pony, you have them to yourself.
>A few even greet you and you return their gestures with a friendly nod and a wave.
>Feels nice to be finally a part of their little community and not the misfit that everyone hates.
>You pass a few stores and check what they have to offer en passage.
>Some of them really have weird concepts... Like this one.
“Jeff's mango and story emporium. Only the freshest and best of both... Yeah, right.”
>How a store like this can survive is a mystery to you, but somehow it does.
>Well, at least now you know where you have to go when you want to buy a book and a mango at the same time.
>His mangoes really do look good and fresh.
>And you if you are not mistaken, you remember Twilight saying that his stories are written just as well as his mangoes taste.
>Maybe you should pay him a visit next week and see for yourself.
>”Hey, Anon.” a familiar voice from behind you says.
>Huh?
>You turn around and see...
“Lily?”
>The pale pink mare smiles and trots towards you.
>”In the flesh. How's it going? We didn't see each other for a long time...”
>A long time is an understatement...
>Since your failed advance on Rose,  her sisters seemed to avoid you for some reason and your contact to them pretty much broke off completely.
“I'm doing fine, thank you. How are you?”
>”I'm fine too. Thanks for asking. What brings you out at so late an hour?”
“Kirron is in town, and I'm on my way to meet up with him.”
>Lily flinches but still manages to keep up her smile, even if it looks now obviously forced.
>”How nice...”
>No wonder, since she was once the main target of his crude flirting and cheesy pick-up lines.
>But unlike most mares she had the balls, or well... teats or ovaries in her case, to stand up against the minotaur and pass him a bit of her mind.
>Which didn't work out too well for Lily, since Kirron has a thing for strong mares and only doubled his efforts to win her over.
>In the end, she did it like most mares and just ran away.
>You chuckle and wave her off.
“It's okay. I know how he is and how he can be towards mares.”
>She giggles and sits down on her haunches.
>Which is never a good sign, because it means that she prepares herself for a longer conversation.
>And you don't really want that right now...
>”Yeah... He is a crude brute. I assume you two will drink?”
“But a nice crude brute. And you can bet your flank that we will drink tonight. Like young gods.”
>Lily rolls her eyes, but keeps her friendly appearance.
>Despite the incident with Rose, you used to be pretty close to all flower sisters.
>”If you say so... Speaking of nice flanks and drinks. How about we four go out again some time? It
has been an awfully long since we did that...”
“I'm all for it, but you guys ignored and avoided me whenever I tried to get in contact with you. Was it because of me trying to hit on Rose?”
>She sighs and swipes a strand of her mane out of her face. Revealing a small scar on her forehead, that she got in a bar fight some time ago.
>You were drunk, but if you remember correctly, some random stallion accosted Daisy and didn't stop bothering her even after you told him to fuck off. Well, after that Lily decided to step in and take things into her own hooves.
>Quite literally.
>As the oldest of the flower sisters, she always saw it as her task to defend her younger siblings. And quite fiercely at that.
>In the end, the stallion chickened out and Lily bought drinks to celebrate her victory.
>Heh, tough little mare. She wasn't bothered at all at the fact that she was bleeding a small river after that incident. Just seeing her sister safe again, was important for her.
>”Yeah... I know and I'm sorry, Anon. Rose just wanted to have some distance from you for a while and we played along of course. But please believe me that weren't angry at you. Just a bit surprised and well...  Shocked, to be honest.”
“Shocked?”
>”Mhm. We always thought that you weren't interested in ponies at all. Or at least in mares.”
>Seriously? Why does every single one of your friends think that you are gay?
>Is it the way you are dressing?
>”But...”
>She beams you a wide smile and comes uncomfortably close to sniff your jacket.
>Fuck... Hopefully that perfume does it's job.
>”Hmm... Strange. I thought I smelled a mare on you. Must have been my imagination... But nice perfume, Anon. I really like it!”
>Phew...
>That was close.
“T-Thanks. And sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still single.”
>”Pity. Maybe I should convince Rose to give you a second chance?”
>Too late now.
“No, I fear that this would be a fruitless effort. She made pretty clear that she is not interested in me.”
>Lily snorts and steps back again.
>”That's a pity too. I think you two would make a nice couple.”
“I thought you were shocked that I tried something on her in the first place?”
>She shrugs.
>”Yeah, but only because it was so sudden! You just kinda began to grope and fondle poor Rosey out of nowhere! Of course we were shocked.”
“I wasn't really subtle about it, was I?”
>That fateful night begins to play out again in your mind.
>Every single embarrassing moment of it.
>...
>Yep. That was cringeworthy as hell. Better bury those memories somewhere in the deepest depths of your brain.
>The pink mare giggles and playfully swats a hoof at you.
>”No, not really. But if it eases your mind, Rose is already laughing about it.”
“I can't say that it does...”
>”Aww come on now, 'Non. She apologized afterwards, didn't she?”
“Yep, for shoving those roses into my mouth... From where did she even get those?”
>Another shrug.
>”Don't ask me. Maybe they were in her saddlebags? She usually works longer than the rest of us.”
>You sigh and rub the bridge of your nose.
“Okay... It doesn't matter, I guess... So you all avoided me, because she wanted some time without me?”
>”Basically yes. But you can't really hold it against her, can you? I mean, I would be a bit flabbergasted too if one of my best friends just started hitting on me...”
>Nodding, you scratch the back of your neck.
“Yeah...”
>Lily smiles.
>”See? And after that was over, flower picking season began... And you know how that can be.”
“Pretty stressful.”
>”Exactly.”
>Since you helped them last year with picking their flowers, you know well enough how stressful a simple task like that can be.
>Each of the flower sisters has several fields with all kinds of different flowers, that all have to be picked by hoof, or in your case, by hand.
>Afterwards they all get sealed in specially enchanted containers that keep them fresh for the rest of the year.
>That ensures that they have goods to sell all over the year, and not only when the flowers bloom.
>But everything from bending over to pick the flower to carrying the full containers around, was pure poison for you back.
>It still hurts sometimes, when you just smell flowers...
“I understand... But still you could have said something. I feared that I fucked up completely and lost my favourite drinking buddies.”
>She blushes slightly.
>”I know, I know Anon. Like I said, we meant no ill intent with this. Let's just forget all that ever happened and start over. How does that sound?”
>Lily extends a hoof out to you.
>You chuckle and take it into your hand.
“Buy me a drink, and we have a deal.”
>”But just one!”
“Okay. Can't ask for too much, eh?”
>”Nah, you can't... Groper.”
“Tzk. Deal.”
>”Yay!”
>And with a hand-hoof shake, the deal is sealed.
>Laughing, she retrieves her hoof and gets on her hind legs to hug you.
“Oh.”
>A bit surprised, you awkwardly return the embrace.
>As nice as a mare Lily is, she tends to sweat a lot and her coat is clammy almost all the time. Even now... In this cold night.
>But her coltfriend Comet Tail, the local star gazer, seems to like it well enough. Since he cannot seem to keep his muzzle off her, every time you see them together.
>Well... To each his own, you guess.
>At least, pony sweat is relatively inoffensive to the human nose.
>”Nice to have you back, 'Non!”
“The pleasure is mine, Lil'.”
>She breaks the hug and you quickly wipe your hands on your pants, in the short moment where she doesn't have her eyes on you.
>God, how can one pony be so sweaty...
>”I won't keep you any longer then. Just visit me sometime at my stall, so we can arrange something as soon as possible!”
“Will do. I wanted to buy some flowers for a friend anyway... So I will just come by tomorrow, okay?”
>Lilly wiggles her eyebrows.
>”For a friend? A laaaaaady friend? Maybe I didn't imagine that smell from before after all! Let me sniff you again!”
>She immediately closes in at you again, but you back away from the literally nosy mare at the same pace.
>Fuck! Why did you mention that?
“Uhm... Please don't?”
>”Don't be that way,  'Non! Perhaps I can recognise her scent.”
>That's exactly what you fear.
>Lily isn't the most gossipy mare in town, but she can't seem to keep secrets for too long.
>Out of pure negligence, they slip out of her and in bugger all some random pony knows something that he or she didn't even ask for.
“Lily, please... That is none of your concern.”
>”Aww...” she pouts, stopping dead in her tracks.
>That was even closer than before...
>”You are a killjoy, you know that?”
“Might be, but you are far too curious for your own good.”
>She gigglesnorts and pokes you in the stomach.
>”Maybe I will just have to buy you more drinks, and get it out of you that way!”
“You are free to try, my dear friend. But I will remain steadfast.”
>A wide smile spreads on her lips, hearing that.
>”We will see about that, 'Non~”
“Let's.” you say, chuckling.
>Giggling, she takes a few steps back and turns around.
>”It was nice talking to you again. I will see you tomorrow then?”
“Of course.”
>”Awesome. But don't forget it or decide that it is now your turn to ignore us.”
“Now that you mention it...”
>”Anon...”
“Don't worry, I won't. Have a nice night, 'Lil.”
>”You too, Anon. Ciao! And don't greet Kirron from me!”
“Won't do, Lily. Farewell.”
>And with that said, she vanishes into the night.
>You look after the quirky mare, until her form has been completely swallowed by the dark shadows.
“Hmm...”
>Well, that was something you didn't expect to happen tonight.
>Not only did you get your old drinking buddies back, but also were basically promised free alcohol in exchange for saucy informations about your romantic life.
>Which you will never give her, but like you said: She is free to try.
>What a nice turn of events... This week just keeps getting better and better.
>Hopefully it stays this way.
 
>You continue to stare into the darkness that swallowed your pink friend for a while longer, it's creeping shadows enticing you in a strange way, before shrugging and deciding to get going again.
>It is already late enough and you don't want to keep your friend waiting any longer.
>There are stories to be told and beer to be drunk.
>And not any beer... Minotauren Ale!
>God, you cannot wait to taste this brew masterpiece on your tongue again...
>Ponies can make a mean batch of cider, especially the Apple family, and their wine isn't bad either but they cannot seem to brew a beer that is worth a damn.
>Either it is too watery or they decide to experiment and use completely wrong ingredients like berries, nuts or even hay.
>Which make for some interest concoctions, you give them that, but nothing you would call a beer while keeping a straight face.
>That would be heresy.
>You rub your hands together in attempt to warm them up.
“Fuck, it got real cold real fast.”
>Equestria's climate is not exactly cooler or warmer than the one you were used to back on earth, but it has the tendency to change quite rapidly.
>All thanks to the pegasus weather patrol... And they apparently decided that today’s night has to be colder than the rest.
>Probably because of some magical enhanced crop that needs such a cold night to activate the magic in it or some other bullshit.
>What's wrong with the traditional way of tillage? Put some seeds into the ground and throw shit on them until they yield fruit.
>Worked perfectly fine back on earth.
>Stupid Mayor Mare and her plans to increase Ponyville's profit margin...
>Anyway, the side-street you just passed should be the one in where you bumped into that germane pony.
>Aryanne, you think her name was.
>Whom you promised to tell her something about Germany. Of which you don't actually know that much.
>Only the stuff that they teach in schools, and that was mostly about the second world war and certain things that happened during it...
>Things, you don't plan on telling her for obvious reasons.
>Maybe some of your school books made the trip to Equestria?
>You wanted to get the philosophy books for Twilight anyway, so you might look for them as well.
>Speaking of old school books and trips to Equestria... How the fuck did you even get there?
>That is a question that still bugs you to this day, even if you don't want to admit it to your friends.
>You can't seem to remember one thing about this fateful day... Even Twilight's attempts to restore your memory with magic or Luna's occasional dream walks, which are creepy and unsettling as hell, managed to bring up any details about it.
>But judging from the things that came with you, you must have been in the process of moving or something similar.
>Most of them are from your old room. Like your TV or the Sega Genesis.
>If it was the one in your parental home or if you already had your own dwelling is beyond you.
>Not even that is anchored in your mind any more.
“God damn it...”
>Whatever force brought you to this colourful place, must have seriously fucked with your brain while doing so, that is for sure.
>You sigh and rub the bridge of your nose.
>No use delving in memories that are non-existent anyway.
>Maybe you will find out one day, maybe you won't.
>And honestly it doesn't even matter. What would change if you know?
>Nothing.
>So why worry?
>What matters now is how incredibly drunk you are going to be in about an hour.
>Starting with your arrival at Kirron's cart in about five minutes, give or take one.
>You can't wait to tell him about Twilight and all the awesome kinky stuff you two do together.
>Not to forget how happy she makes you and what an all around cool pony she is.
>He will be so fucking jealous... And hopefully a bit happy for you too.
>Heh, of course he will be.
>Despite his macho demeanour, at heart he is actually quite the hopeless romantic who would probably make some mare very, very happy.
>Or a... A... Uhm...
>What the hell do you even call a female minotaur? A minotauress?
>Eh... Sounds dumb.
>Cowgirl maybe?
>Nah...
>You should just ask him later, once he is a bit inebriated. Then he usually opens up and pours his heart out to you.
>Not that he is shy and not talkative anyhow... But still it helps, you know?
>Aww yeah, you are really looking forward to this.
>It has been such a long time, since you had a night like this.
>Just two friends who talk about the things that keep the world spinning and the sun raising every day over a few mugs of beer.
>And probably fool around with the weapons that one of them has.
>Hopefully he has still this set of axes you like so much.
>They are just light enough that you can wield on of them in each hand and look like they were directly inspired by some grim dark fantasy game.
>Twilight will be presumably not very amused by this, but eh... That's an important part of your nights with Kirron too.
>None would be complete without a small scar or a minor laceration.
>Clapping your hands together in anticipation of the fantastic night that awaits you, you increase your pace through the streets of Ponyville.
 
>After passing some more shops with weird concepts, you finally reach the spot where your buddy's cart stands.
>Well, at least it used to stand here... Seems like he already left.
>Can't blame him for that. You really took your sweet time, even if it was worth it.
>A bit crestfallen, you approach the now empty patch of flattened grass on the side of the road.
“What's that?”
>A small piece of paper sticks on what probably used to be the shaft of a spear.
>Kirron would never break one of his weapons, so it must have been a faulty one or just a spare part.
>You take the note off it and search for your lighter so you can actually read it.
>Mayor Mare really should invest in better street lighting instead of magically enhanced seeds...
>It took some attempts, but you manage to get it to work and carefully bring the weak flame closer to the note.
>Setting anything on fire without a permission is considered a fineable offence... Ever since the Cutiemark Crusaders experimented with fireworks to earn their cutie marks in pyrotechnics.
>Needless to say, it didn't work out as they might have planned and nearly got the town hall destroyed.
>Anyway... What does the note say?
>”Hey  Anon! If you ever decide to drag your hairless ass to good ol' Kirron, meet me at my usual camping spot near the woods. I've got a surprise for you! - Kirron. PS: Any cute mares who look for a good time and coincidentally read this note are warmly invited to join! You will not regret it!”
>Chuckling, you crumple the sheet of paper up and stuff it into your pocket along with the lighter.
>Typical Kirron, he leaves no stone unturned to get his dick wet or at least a good flank to look at.
>But sadly he will have to do with your company solely tonight.
>Not that any cute mare would have been able to read this scrawl he calls handwriting.
>And even if they could, they would never accept such an invitation anyhow, given his reputation here in Ponyville.
“A surprise, eh?”
>What could it be?
>Maybe a neat weapon or your own barrel of beer?
>God, that would totally make the last two days the best you have ever had.
>Even more so than before.
>So you focus your gaze roughly into the direction where you suspect his camp to be.
>His “usual camping spot” changes every time... Most likely due to the fact that he cannot remember any more, where the last one was.
>Your nights together are just that awesome.
“...”
>And indeed, you can make out a faint glimmer of light near one the Apple families orchards and the entrance to the White Tail Woods.
>Not the safest spot, but timberwolves usually give the minotaur a wide berth, so you don't need to worry about your life.
“Hmm... Roughly a mile away...”
>That will pose a problem when you want to go home... But you are planning to be so heavily inebriated at this point that you won't care any more.
>Time to cut across country, so you can start working on that.
 
>Another thing that Mayor Mare really should consider, is fixing this here field... It's nothing more than a minefield full of leg-breaking craters and thorny bushes that slowly tear your pants apart.
>Which are all the aftermath of a large military exercise that was performed here last year.
>It was very spectacular and what not, but the damage it caused was never really fixed or made undone.
>The thorn bushes itself are the remainders of some strange spell, that caused a whole wall of these prickly fuckers to grow out of the ground.
>And now they don't plan on going away any time soon...
>You sigh.
>Seems like your Spite towards this mare grows with each passing moment.
>But at least you are almost at Kirron's camp. Only a few dozen yards now separate you from your horned friend and his strong beverages.
>You can already smell the distinctive smack of a burning camp fire and hear the sounds of something big that rummages through a wooden cart.
>Reminds you of the camping trips you had as a child.
>Soon you reach his camp and whistle in exaltation.
>A nice flat piece of land with a few trees surrounding it and even with a nearby mere in which he put some barrels to keep them cool.
>His cart stands in close proximity to the fire, which illuminates the whole area in a dim orange glow.
>All in all, the perfect spot. Secluded enough, so that nopony disturbs you or is annoyed by it, but not to an extent where it would hinder your ability to stagger home afterwards.
“Hey Kirron! Look who's here!” you bellow.
>Immediately the minotaur shifts his attention to you and a wide grin appears on his face.
>”Did you finally decide to show up?!”
>He gets up from his kneeling position and approaches you with spread arms.
>Of course, you don't reject him and engage in the most manly hug you can get on this side of the planet.
>”How are you? I started to wonder where you are.”
“I'm fine. Just had some things to do.”
>”I hope they were worth it. Because you kept me waiting for a fucking long time, you hairless ape.”
>You break the hug, before he decides to squeeze you even harder and break a few of your ribs.
“They were, my friend. They were. Fill me a mug and I will tell you about them.”
>He laughs and slaps you on the back.
“Ompf...”
>”I've already cracked a barrel open and cooked some of my famous stew. So just take a seat and help yourself!”
>Kirron thrusts a mug into your hand and gently shoves you towards the fire place.
“Don't mind if I do.”
>You fill your mug with the delicious brew and sit down on a tree stump opposite to your friend.
>”I'm glad that you were able to make it.”
“I would never leave you hanging, you know that.”
>And with that said, you clink mugs together. Spilling a bit of your beer in the process, but since there is much more where that came from, so you don't care.
>The coolness you feel on your wrist right now, only increases your anticipation.
>”To us!”
“To us!”
>As ever, Kirron pours some beer on the ground and speaks a quiet prayer, before he actually allows himself to drink.
>The first belt is always reserved for K'ruch, his clan's god and patron of blacksmiths.
>So you wait until he is finished ere you start drinking. It would be very impolite to do otherwise.
>”... K'ruch andraak.”
>These are the words you waited for.
>With one fluent movement, you bring the mug to your mouth and jug it's content's down.
>The bright amber liquid flows down your throat and it's incredible taste fills your mouth.
>It has the exact right balance between sweet, malty and bitter flavours and leaves a bit of a lingering dry on your tongue once it's gone.
>Of course, it's also quite strong. But instead of distracting one from the composition of aromas, it's strength only emphasizes every one of them.
>Joy, just pure joy.
>You both empty your mugs at the same time and upend them to prove that you have done so.
>Not a single drop falls out of yours and you shoot Kirron a cocky grin.
>”Hah! You are getting better. But that was only the first one. Let's see how you do after the third or fifth!”
“Is that a challenge?”
>”You bet your non existing ass!”
>Kirron pushes the log on which the barrel stands to you and you waste no time in filling your mug up again.
>He does the same and you clink mugs together another time.
>”So tell me. What was so fucking important that it was worth keeping me waiting for an eternity?”
“Oh, you will like this Kirron. I'm sure of that.”
>Raising an eyebrow, he rests his head on his free hand.
>”I'm all ears, friend.”
 
“You might not believe it, but the reason I kept you waiting for so long is...”
>”Yeah? Spit it out, Anon.”
>Kirron looks expectingly at you, his fingers erratically tapping his cheek.
>It makes you kinda nervous.
“Well you see... Uhm...”
>Wow, this is harder than you thought...
>Just a few moments ago, you were so excited to tell him about Twilight that you nearly couldn't bide it. And now...
>Now you don't know what to say.
>You were never good with talking about this stuff... Even back on earth.
“One moment please.”
>He throatily laugh and does a “go ahead” gesture.
>Maybe you just need some more of that famous liquid courage. That always helps when you are struck all of a heap.
>So another time the mug is brought to your lips and half-emptied in a few deep jugs.
>By god's glorious beard, this beer is good.
“Woah...”
>Now you can certainly feel something... A nice light buzz, right there where your brain is.
>”Feeling it already?”
“Yeah... Kinda forgot to eat, before I hit the road.”
>Kirron chucklesnorts and reaches into his cart, pulling a wooden bowl and a spoon out of it which he then throws in your direction.
>At least in your general direction... Kirron was never good at throwing stuff.
>Which is way you swore to never throw knives with him ever again... One puncture wound in your shoulder is enough.
>You barely manage to catch it with your already slightly impeded reflexes and shoot him a thankful nod.
>”The stew should be almost finished. Just help yourself.”
“Thanks, mate.”
>”No problem.”
>Your blacksmithing friend's stew is always something special.
>Usually it contains many different vegetables and spices that he gathered from all over Equestria.
>Almost nowhere else can you get such an exotic mulligan.
>This time it looks like it's consisting of carrots, onions, potatoes, a leekesque plant ponies call wizard's pipe and something purple you don't recognise.
>They kinda look like Twilight's cutie mark... What a nice coincidence.
“Hey Kirron?”
>”Yah?”
“What are these purple, star-shaped vegetables in your stew?”
>”Star roots.”
“Star roots?”
>He fishes one out and flings it into his gullet.
>”They are like potatoes, only a bit spicier because of some magic shit they have in them. Don't be a pussy and just eat 'em.”
“Tzzk... Just asking, mate. Just asking.”
>Filling your bowl up with some of the rich, dark brown stew, you take a smell at it.
>And it smells like edible heaven... The scents of thyme, rosemary and many other spices invades you nostrils and makes your mouth water.
>Time to see if it tastes as good as it smells...
>You scoop up a carrot slice, one of these star roots and some sauce and prepare your taste buds for the immediate explosion of flavours.
>Of course, you don't forget to blow on it once so you don't burn yourself. That would severely hinder your ability to enjoy your beer.
>The moment the tasty liquid hits your tongue, you are overfilled with joy.
>Everything just blends together so nicely.
>Especially the star roots, which give the whole thing just the perfect hint of spiciness.
>”How is it?”
>You just shoot your friend a thumbs up and continue to roll in the stew into your throat until not a single drop remains.
>Patting your now full belly, you put the empty bowl aside and take a gulp from your beer to wash the stew down.
“Well Kirron, if you weren't a hulky and crude beast, I would totally marry you for your cooking skills alone.”
>He bellows a deep laughter and waves you off.
>”Sorry Anon, but I would have to refuse. Your ass is just too flat for my tastes.”
“Your loss then. I would make you happier than any mare.”
>Chuckling, you fill your mug up again, since it got dangerously empty.
>Ah nice... Nothing better than the sight of a foamy mug full of delicious strong beer.
>”So what did you want to tell me? I reckon you are buttered up enough now.”
“Ah yes... Of course.”
>You take a quick sip to give to oil up your throat.
“Well, you see.... I kinda got a marefriend now.”
>Hey, that was easy.
>Kirron's eyes shoot open and he nearly chokes on his beer.
>With a bit of a shocked look on his face, he stares at you.
>Seems like he really can't believe it.
>”A what now?”
“A marefriend. You know... Like a girl that goes steady with me.”
 
>”I fucking know what a marefriend is... But for real now?”
“Ehrm, yah? Why would I lie to you about that?”
>He laughs and violently slaps his knee.
>The loud cracking sound the impact of his fist made, making you flinch.
>”By Ark'aara's thousand horns, I can't believe it! Lil' Anon here has a marefriend.”
>Still laughing uncontrollably, he wipes a tear from his eye before he empties his mug with one giant gulp.
>Wasting no time to immediately fill it up again, he presents it to you with a big smile on his lips.
>”That is of course a damn good reason to leave me hanging like bait on a hook! Congrats, mate! I knew you had it in you.”
>You return his smile and bump your mug against his.
“Thanks, Kirron.”
>”Let's celebrate and drink to that!”
“Let's!”
>In tandem you both drink off your third beer this evening.
>Now you can really feel the alcohol... Your head is starting to feel all dizzy and slowly but surely your vision tries it's hands at mitosis, splitting itself in two.
>Hopefully, the stew you just ate will act as a bit of a buffer and not accelerate the inevitable due to some magical interaction from the star roots.
>Only time will tell... And you are perfectly fine with that.
>At the same time you finish off your drinks and you put your mug next to you on the ground.
>Time for a small break... There is no need to get dead drunk after fifteen minutes already.
>Kirron on the other hand happily helps himself to another full jug and pushes the barrel to you afterwards with a small kick of his right hoof.
>”So who is the lucky gal? Do I know her?”
>Chuckling, you nod and rest your legs on the barrel.
“Yeah, you do know her. You even hit on her once, if I'm not mistaken.”
>”Oh, I did? And she chose you over me? Than she can't be all that great.” he says, snorting.
>You throw a small pebble at your mocking friend, but he dodges it with all the elegance a minotaur possesses.
>Which is not much, but enough to avoid your artillery strike.
“She's awesome. Just so you know!”
>”Does she have a great ass?”
“She does. The most perfect, purple, plush pony plot you can find in all of Equestria.”
>”Purple, huh? Can't remember ever hitting on a purple pony here in Ponyville.”
“You were drunk off your ass at the time.”
>”That explains a lot.”
>You laugh and decide that you waited long enough, so you refill your mug and moisten your throat with a draught.
>God is this good.
>”What's her name then? She must be quite the looker, if I decide to grace her with my attention.”
>Kirron pretty much hits on everything that has four legs, an ass, a vagina and is a pony... But that's not the point.
“She is. Remember Twilight Sparkle?”
>It takes a few moments, and you can hear the gears in his head grinding, but then his face lights up and he snips his fingers.
>”Ah yes! Isn't she the librarian with the nice pairs of legs?”
“That she is.” you say, sipping at your alcoholic beverage.
>Now that he mentions it, Twilight really has two nice pairs of legs... You wonder what she would look like in high socks or stockings.
>Ponies have those, don't they?
>You sure hope so...
>”And her ass isn't bad either! A bit on the wobbly side, but...
“Hey! Her ass is perfect the way it is. And how would you even know what her flanks are like?”
>The minotaur waves you off and points to his eyes.
>”Them peepers, mate. They can analyse a pony's plot from over a mile away!”
“I see...”
>Strange talent to have.
>”Also that is not a bad thing. Sometimes a bull needs a good cushion to rest his head on. Or other parts of his.”
>He laughs deep and loud out of his stomach and you chime in it.
>That is just the kind of dirty humour you need right now.
“You're right.”
>Taking another gulp...
>”I bet she let's you fuck it.”
>... And immediately spit it out again in a rather spectacular manner.
>A bit flabbergasted, you look at your friend who just stares at you with a dumb grin on his face.
“W-What?”
>Kirron chucklesnorts and points at you.
>”You heard me right. So does she or does she not?”
 
>That took you a bit by surprise, but such a question was to be expected from him. It was merely a matter of time...
>And since Twilight allowed you to talk about your sex life with her, as long as you keep it somewhat discreet and with your currently advanced inebriated state of mind, you see no reason not to give away some private details.
>Also you kinda looked forward to this from the beginning, so...
>Time to make your horned and horny friend jealous.
>You bring the mug to your mouth again, to replace the precious liquid you just lost and lean back against a few stacked crates.
>Not the most comfortable of backrests, but it will do.
>Hopefully, they don't contain some crazy ore that reacts to life energy and nearly kills you for just being near it, like last time.
>That were some seriously painful burns you got there...
>Lifebane, or whatever that metal was called. Nasty stuff.
>Luckily, the wood absorbed much of the magical heat that was created and Twilight kindly provided you an ointment to ease the pain the day after.
>Kirron snickers. Looks like he just remembered that incident too.
>Anyway...
“Y.Yeah... She let's me do that.” you say, with a bright blush on your cheeks.
>The minotaur hollers and throws his arms into the air; Almost spilling the entire contents of his mug.
>”I fucking knew it! The quiet and nerdy ones are always into the kinky stuff!”
>And that's not the kinkiest thing she is into... If he would know about her predator fetish, he would lose his shit.
>Should you tell him about that too, or would this go too far?
>Ehh, let's see first where this conversation leads to.
>Chuckling, you shoot him a nod.
“And that's not all. I was the first one she ever allowed to.... Uhm, you know.”
>Seems like the proper terms are still off limit... More alcohol should fix that problem, though.
>He whistles.
>”Really? You lucky bastard. I never had the honour to be the first in... well anything! Does she enjoy getting her pony ponut pounded?”
>Another time you nearly choke on your beer.
>By all of earth's deities, you are not drunk enough for this.
>So you jug your beer down, like there is no tomorrow and hope for the best.
>And lookie there... As you feel the cold liquid run down your throat and settle in your stomach, the buzz in your head intensifies once more.
>Maybe that was a bit too fast... But at least you feel now much more confident in talking about your sexcapedes with Twi.
>That's much better.
“Yep, I think so! The first time I put it in there, she came like four times!”
>”Four times?”
>Your friend's eyebrow raises and he looks at you in disbelief.
>”Are you yanking my fucking tail?”
>You laugh and blow him a kiss.
“You would like that, eh? Feeling my strong, yet dexterous fingers on your tail?”
>Kirron shakes his head and bows down to pick up another pebble, but you manage to leapfrog the minotaur and throw your own earthen projectile at him.
>”Ey! Stop that!”
>Superior human dexterity wins again!
“There is no need to be jealous and vent your spleen on me~”
>He snorts and sips at his beer.
>”I'm not jealous. I just seriously doubt what you just told me. I mean, four times? That seems like a fucking lie to me.”
>Shrugging, you help yourself to another refill.
>You will soon need another barrel, since this one is now nearly empty.
“Maybe I'm just that good?”
>”Tzzk. You wish. But anyhow... How did you two meet?”
“We have known each other for a long time... And even I can't exactly say how we came together. It just kinda happened.”
>”Some things are just meant to be.”
>And there it is: His sentimental side.
“Heh. Funny you say that. Rarity said the same thing.”
>His face lights up when he hears her name.
>”Rarity? The white one with the nice buns?”
“Yep. I had a talk with her today, about the same topic. Well, minus all the sex.”
>”Did she say something about me?”
>You chuckle and push the barrel a bit to the side, so that it doesn't stand so close to the fire any more.
>It would be a pity, if the rest of it's contents would get warm.
“Other than that you are a rude brute? No, not really.”
>”Shoot! I thought I had a chance with that one.”
“Maybe you should drop all those bad and cheesy pick up lines and try to be yourself? That could help.”
>Kirron laughs quietly and rolls his neck.
>”I'm not stupid, mate. I know that this doesn't make the best impression on mares. But as long as I travel, I won't have anything solid anyway. So I at least try, to get some steam out of my system from time to time. And sometimes those “bad” pick up lines allow me to do just that.”
“Why not? Aren't there mares that have the same taste for adventure and travel as you?”
>He shakes his head.
>”Nope. Most mares like a quiet life with no troubles and occasional bandit attacks.”
“And a minotaure... cow girl.. a female minotaur?”
>”Minotauress.”
“Yeah. What about them?”
>”Not my cup of tea. I was always a bit strange in that regard and preferred ponies over them. More appealing to the eye, you know?”
>You have never seen a minotauress, but you can imagine that they wouldn't be beauties.
>Basically just Kirron with boobs...
>At least you think, that they would have boobs.
>”Also they are nicer and don't want to be showered in the severed heads of my enemies every few weeks.”
“What?! That's a thing with you guys?”
>Your friend empties his mug and pulls the barrel under your feet away.
>”As long as you are a warrior, yes. Since I’m a blacksmith, they at least expect me to craft a masterpiece so I prove my worth as one. And I don't want that. When I settle down one day, I just want a house with a small garden in a nice village where I can ply my craft in peace and quiet. With a cute, little mare that looks forward to when I come home.”
“Aww... That's cute. But don't you want children?”
>He shrugs.
>”Dunno. Never thought about that. What about you?”
“I...”
>Oh...
>Fuck. You never thought about that either.
>There is absolutely no fucking chance of you ever having children here in Equestria. Even if your relationship with Twilight turns out to be a permanent one.
>Which you don't question, but still...
>As much as you would like to... You can't change genetic compatibility.
“Well...”
>Your head droops.
>Kirron stands up and walks over to you.
>One of his large hands finds it's way to your should and squeezes it.
>”Hey, it's okay friend. If you are still together with that Twilight gal after a few years, you can always adopt. There are enough fillies and colts that would kill to have you as a father.”
>You look up to him and smile.
“Thanks, mate. That just kinda hit me somewhat harsh for a moment there.”
>”No problem. But now stop pussying around and get your balls together. There is much beer in dire need of being drunk.”
>Good ol' Kirron. He always knows what to say.
“Yeah. And I can't do that while I'm sad.”
>”Exactly.”
>He bellows a laughter and slaps you on the back, before walking to the pond to pull a full barrel out of it.
>Walking back to his seat, he grabs a hammer and a spigot, along with a brown linen sack, out of his cart and broaches the barrel.
>A satisfying hiss can be heard when the carbon dioxide escapes out of it.
>”Good to go.”
>He puts it's next to the old one and sits down again.
>Your mug is still half full, but now is as good a time as any to kill off the first barrel.
>Also it has the added benefit of getting a permanent footrest.
>While you do exactly that, you start to wonder what is in this mysterious, bound together brown sack.
>It looks rather big... Could that be your surprise?
“What's in that sack, Kirron? More alcohol?”
>”Oh that?”
>He throws the bundle into the air and catches it by the rope that holds it together.
>”Did you read  my note?”
>Sipping the head of your beer away, you nod.
“Of course.”
>”Than you already know what it is. Your surprise, mate.”
 
“I am wound up to a high! But you really shouldn't have.”
>”Heh, I know right? All that beer I share so generously with you and now a surprise even! I'm really spoiling you.”
>You chuckle and wave him off.
“And you don't want anything back either.”
>”Yeah, like I said before: Your ass is just too flat for my tastes.”
“Luckily.”
>Snorting dismissively, he slides the package over to you.
>”Open it. I'm sure you will like what’s inside.”
“Thanks, mate.”
>Your friend shoots you a nod that you return smiling, before you pick the bundle up from the ground.
>Uh... Feels heavy. What could it be?
>Putting your mug aside, you begin to untie the knots that separate you from your surprise.
>Which is harder than you thought, since they don't seem that they can agree to stay on one spot and are rather strongly knotted.
>Cursed be his superhuman strength!
>Kirron watches you intently as you fumble around and miserably fail to overcome the hempen security measures.
“God damn it...” you mumble.
>He shakes his head, unsheathes a dagger from his belt and holds it out to you.
>”Here you go, Anon.”
“Thank you.”
>You carefully take it into your hand and bring the blade to the rope that gives you so much trouble.
>Now you just don't have to cut yourself, or spill your mug that you hold between your knees and everything will be just fine.
>The dagger feels nice in your hand. Perfectly balanced and light as a feather.
>It's handle is slim and elegant and the roughly seven inches long blade itself shines in an almost mystic blue gleam.
>Must be mithril or some other magical metal.
>Also it seems like there is something engraved on it... Looks like runic, which is the alphabet of Kirron's folk and remarkably similar to the one the old Norseman used.
>He taught you the basics, so you try to decipher the engraving.
“Angus... Uhm....”
>”Angus McFife.”
“Huh?”
>”That's the dagger's former owner.”
>Oh, now you see it too. That's clearly an “F”... At least you think so.
“Former owner? Did you kill him or what?”
>Hearing that, the minotaur breaks into a hefty laughing fit, before wiping a tear from his eye and shaking his head.
>”Oh by all gods, of course not. He just couldn't pay for it and so I took it back. With a bit of force admittedly, but he is still alive.”
“Heh, okay then.”
>That got you worried there for a second.
>You know that he most likely has a bit of blood on his hands, that just comes with his choice of trade and his constant travels, but you wouldn't like to think of him as a murderer who kills for a nice shiny weapon.
>Even if this one is especially shiny and nice. You wouldn't mind owning that.
>Kirron's smithery is really something else, you must say.
>With almost no effort it cuts through the rope like a hot knife through butter and the ties fall to the ground..
“Nice!”
>The minotaur chuckles and shoots you a thumbs up.
>You hand him the dagger back and he throws it into the side of his cart, where he drew a few crude changeling and diamond dog targets.
>Hitting a diamond dog right in it's crotch area.
>”Bullseye!”
“More like Dogballs.”
>”Diamond dogs don't have balls. They are all pussies who draw in their horns once they see you are willing to fight back.”
>Slowly removing the remainders of the rope, you take a quick sip of your beer and look at him.
“Really now?”
>He gets up and pulls the dagger out of the wood and rams it right back between the drawn dog's eyes before sitting down again..
>The sudden crunching noise of violently split timber sends a cold shiver down your spine.
>It just reminded you a bit too much of the sound a bone makes when it breaks... But with a hefty draught, even this nasty mental image is forgotten.
>”Yah! Just remember, if you ever get attacked by these cockless fuckers, make yourself as big as you can and charge at them! They will be miles away before you even reach the spot they stood on.”
>Well, you can see this working as long as you are nearly seven and a half foot tall and roughly half as wide.
>Also having horns and the general looks of a born fighting machine helps surely too...
>But with your stature... Eh... It would probably be better to opt for flight.
>A cowardly, but safe ass is better than a brave, but dead ass.
“Thanks, I will try to remember that. If I ever get into such a situation, that is. Which I don't plan to.”
>Bringing his mug to his mouth, he shrugs and does a wild, undefinable gesture that you interpret as “Do whatever you want”.
>”You never know what the future holds, friend. I just try to prepare your flat, unappealing ass for everything it might get threatened by.”
>You chuckle and hold your mug out as a sign of gratitude.
“Thanks, mate. I appreciate it.”
>Kirron bumps his against yours and nods.
>”No problem. But do you always take so fucking long to unwrap a present?”
“Eh, I just try to preserve the surprise as long as possible.”
>”You must be unbelievably grateful then, that mares here in Equestria don't wear clothes all the time like the girls from where you are from always do. Or else you would never score with Twilight.”
>Raising a finger and opening your mouth, you try to assemble an appropriate comeback for this, but you can't seem to come up with one.
>So you just shoot him a nod and admit your defeat.
“That was a good one.”
>”Thanks. Now open it already! Before I decide to motivate you a bit, warlord style.”
>He grins menacingly and pulls an intimidating looking three headed and viciously bladed spear from under his cart.
>You recognise this particular weapon. It's something he calls a “Pig Sticker” and it's his favourite tool of destruction.
>Normally only minotauren warlords are allowed to wield one in battle, but that doesn't stop him to fool around with it from time to time.
>Like threatening you to open your present faster by waving it's three bladed heads dangerously close to your face.
>And that's technically not fighting, so it must be okay...
“Yeah, yeah. Already on it... Put that thing away please, before someone loses an eye.”
>”You mean: “Before I lose an eye”.”
“Exactly. Before you lose an eye.”
>Kirron snorts and crosses his arms. The spear still in his hands.
>”Tzzk. You and which army?”
“I don't need an army.” you say shrugging, “I have the power of heart.”
>”And what is that supposed to mean?”
“That I’m only four elements away from summoning Captain Planet, who would totally wreck your shit.”
>Deeply laughing, he rams the spear into the ground.
>”I highly doubt that. He sounds like a total pussy!”
“You said the same thing about “Sunny Smiles” the last time. Remember? That guard? Who overheard what you said about him and wiped the floor with your ass afterwards?”
>He hawks and looks to the side.
>”That fucker wasn't fighting fair! He surprised me and used magic! Which is highly dishonourable in a duel.”
>You don't know if you could call that what happened back then a duel, since Kirron pretty much just taunted that guard until he had enough and just picked the minotaur off the ground to shake him around until he apologized, but whatever.
>Whatever makes him feel better about it.
>”And now don't delve in old memories and just see already what's inside, in Olgoch's name!”
>Heh, that still bugs him like hell.
“Who is Olgoch?”
>”Someone you will meet very soon, if you don't hurry the fuck up already.”
>Ah, god of the dead then.
>And since you don't plan on making his acquaintance any time soon, you begin to strip off the last few bits off rope that still cling to the bundle.
>Once they are removed, it loosens up and a very familiar smell invades your nostrils.
>Something that you didn't smell since you were brought to Equestria.
>Salty, hearty and with hints of various herbs.
>Could it be?
>You look at Kirron, who just chuckles and motions you to go on.
>The smell gets stronger with each cloth layer you remove, and your eyes go wide once they see what was hidden inside.
“H-Ham?!”
>Air dried ham, to be exact. And a rather large chunk of it.
>Also a small bag lies next to it, but that's a minor factor for you right now. That deliciously looking piece of meat captures your imagination completely.
>”Exactly, my friend. I hope it's to your liking.”
 
>You let one finger run over the ham's greasy rind and bring it to your mouth.
“God...”
>How long has it been since you last tasted something so delicious?
>The salt, the herbs and of course the pig itself... Everything blends together so nicely.
>And that's only the fat... You cannot imagine how good the actual meat would taste.
>Still a bit in disbelief, if this is actually happening and not just a blissful dream on your deathbed, you look at your friend.
“W-Where did you get this?”
>He shrugs and beams you a wide grin.
>”I had some business in Eagle's Peak a few months ago, and since this city is home to Gryphonia's largest butcher guild, I thought I could bring along a little souvenir for you. Do you like it?”
“Fuck yes! Thank you, Kirron... I don't know what to say.”
>Laughing, he gets up and dislodges the dagger from his cart to hand it to you.
>”How about you don't say anything and just try it.”
“Y-Yeah, that’s a good idea.”
>You take the dagger into a trembling hand and bring the blade's edge to the air-dried piece of tasty dead pig.
>Man, you can't even tell why you are so nervous about this.
>Maybe it's the anticipation to finally taste something made from an animal again or...
>It could be the fact that you are about to break one of Equestria's greatest taboos.
>Eating meat.
>All those years living a vegan's dream really made a dent in you...
>Is this right or is this is wrong?
>Evil even?
>Should you do this?
>Do you want this?
>...
>Of course you want this! And you couldn't care less right now.
>It's not like that anyone has to know, what you keep in the back of your kitchen's cabinets.
>Perhaps you will show it to Twi, though. She seems too be pretty cool about your meat eating habits.
>Or would she?
>She never actually has seen you eating some before...
>Quietly humming, you play with the knife's edge.
>Nah, no need to worry.
>Your marefriend would probably be turned on by the sight of your sharp teeth tearing through the ham's fibres and fat veins.
>Aren't you just one lucky dude?
>You will definitively keep this in mind, but now it is not the time to contemplate about kinky stuff.
>It's time to cut the first piece of this fatty treat.
>Like before the dagger slices through the ham like Rainbow Dash through a cloud.
>Words cannot describe how much you want this piece of art.
>But what can you do? You are not poor, but not exactly rich either.
>It's just enough to allow for some luxuries.
>Sadly a masterly crafted weapon is not one of them.
>And Kirron doesn't like to sell his work under value, even for friends. Which you respect, of course.
>He has to live from something too.
>Anyway... With one fluent movement the first meaty slice dislodges from it's origin and falls on the cloth.
>Naturally you offer your friend this piece. But much to your surprise, he waves you off and shakes his head.
>Huh? Didn't he tell you stories about feasts where they eat entire wyverns?
>”Thanks, friend. But I'm not allowed to eat meat.”
“What now? Why not?”
>Kirron chuckles and takes a quick belt, before resting his head on a hand.
>”Because the first blood I ever tasted was my own.”
 
>Confused, you look at him.
“Running the risk to repeat myself, but... What now? Your own blood?”
>”Exactly. When a minotaur comes to age, he has to prove himself in battle against one of the steppe's beasts. To see if he is any good with a weapon and his wits, basically.”
“Interesting. Go on.”
>”You can freely choose what you want to slay, and the bigger and more dangerous the monster is, the more prominent your reward and status within the clan will be. Bring something especially extraordinary back and you even might be chosen to be a Gorebull!”
“Gorebull? What's that?”
>”The personal bodyguard of the chieftain. The fiercest and strongest of the clan and it's whole proud.”
“Okay then... But what has this to do with you not allowed to eat meat?”
>He sighs and empties his mug.
>”You see, eating the meat of animals is a privilege. It is rare and hard to come by in my lands, since it's populated by horrible creatures that can tear even the most capable warrior limb from limb easily. So only the most worthy, meaning the clan's braves, get this privilege.”
>Right... He told you once about the beasts that live in the minotauren grasslands.
>Mammoths, basilisks, feline predators the size of cars and other animals that would give hunters a huge trophy boner.
>With the wyverns leading the way... Huge, dragon-esque  lizards with the ability to breath various elemental breaths, depending from which part of the steppes they hail from.
>From the white Frostwyrms that dwell in icy caves high in the mountains to the acid spewing Lindworms which inhabit the few sparse forests.
>And all of them not particular happy to share a living space with the minotaurs, who rival them as the apex species there.
>Equestria really is a mystical place, that could stem right out of a high fantasy novel.
>You quite like it here.
>Helping himself to a refill, he continues.
>”And when the day came to prove my worth... Well, I got my ass handed to me pretty badly. I was so excited and full of youthful haughtiness that I immediately went out to the dwelling of the Icemother.”
>”The Icemother?”
>”An ancient basilisk that has troubled our clan since generations. She inhabits a mountain pass that would cut the travel time to our neighbouring clan by half, if we could ever kill her and reclaim it.”
“And you thought it was a good idea to engage her alone?”
>Chuckling, he nods.
>”At the time yes. I was so eager to prove myself to the clan that it seemed like one.”
“How did it end?”
>”Like I said, I got my ass handed to me. She nearly petrified me with her stone gaze and the few hits I got in on her didn't even bothered her by the slightest. My axe barely chipped her scales or just bounced of them completely. That bitch has scales as thick as steel plates, I tell you!”
>Kirron takes a huge chug, before burping and popping a few of his joints.
>”The fight was short and brutal. And after she broke my jaw with a tail swipe and filled my mouth with my blood, I knew that I had no chance and got out of there as fast as I could.”
>He stares into the nothingness behind you.
>”Nearly got me killed there too... My injuries were worse than I though and I didn't notice that she petrified part of my chest. I just had luck that a hunter found and dragged my sorry ass back to the clan.”
“What happened then?”
>”Not much. I got my wounds treated and then had to step before the elders to tell them what happened. To make a long story short: They were impressed by my bravery to face this monster alone but also condemned my stupidity. In the end I was not deemed worthy enough to be warrior and had to chose another profession to make a living. What I chose, you already know.”
“Yeah, blacksmithing. Which is just as cool as being a warrior, I want to add. But...”
>”Thanks, friend. But what?”
“Do you ever regret your decisions or actions back then?”
>”Well... Sure I could have been something else today, maybe even a Gorebull, but I'm very happy with how my life has turned out. So... No, I don't.”
>Kirron laughs and holds his mug out to you.
>”Also I would have never met you then! And that is reason enough to not regret anything.”
“Aww... Thanks, mate! Cheers!”
>”To us!”
“To us!”
>You clink mugs with your friends and empty yours with one giant gulp.
>Now it's buzzing just right. Just how you like it.
“So if you would have brought that Icemother back, you would have been allowed to eat meat then?”
>”Yes. She would have been butchered and prepared into a huge feast for the whole clan in my honour. I would have been given the first and best piece of her, and then joined the ranks of my clan's warriors. But since I failed and tasted my own blood first before the one of my prey.... Well, that sealed my fate.”
“Okay, I understand. But you are in Equestria now, where meat is not abundant but easier to get. Couldn't you eat it then? Maybe catch a rabbit or buy it like the ham you got for me?”
>He shakes his head and takes a sip.
>”No, the rules of my clan don't allow this. And I won't break them just because nobody is here to enforce them.”
“That's very honourable of you.”
>”Heh. Just trying to be best minotaur I can. But you still haven't tried your ham yet. Tell me how it is.”
>”Of course.” you say smiling.
>Taking the piece you cut off, you bring it to your face and savour it's hearty smell with notes of various spices, butter and you think hazelnut, for a moment before shoving it into your mouth.
>And by god... The moment this forbidden treat hits your tongue, your whole body nearly melts into a puddle of bliss.
> The meat is perfectly balanced between sweet and savoury in flavour and it's combined flavours unfold themselves while you deliberately chew the soft strip of meat.
>It is seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic and you think you can taste juniper berries. All of them complementing the meat and fat just niceley.
>Did you die? Are you in heaven?
>Even after you swallowed, the taste still continues to linger in your mouth.
>It is so good that you aren't even bothered by the slight thirst you have now and decide not to flush it down with some beer.
>You want to relish it as long as possible.
>”How is it?”
“Perfect. Just perfect, Kirron. I can't thank you enough.”
>”You're welcome, friend. Just don't get caught with it. Them ponies might get a wrong idea and start to think that you turned one of their friends into something delicious.”
>Chuckling, you nod.
“Yeah, better not. Some of them think I desecrate graves to satisfy my blood lust. Can you believe that?”
>”Hah, really?! I knew that they are pretty paranoid about carnivores, but to that extent? That's ridiculous.”
“Sad but true. I will just get this home as soon as possible and bury it in the depths of my kitchen.”
>“Do that. But don't forget about your other surprise.”
“Huh?”
>Ah yes... The small bag that lies next to the ham. You totally forgot about that in your meat frenzy.
>You put it aside for now and wrap your ham up again.
>As much as you want to devour it now, you will have to ration it since you won't get a new one for a very long time. Or maybe never.
>So into the cloth it goes, to be your comforter for some particular exhausting or sad day.
>Like a drug, only tastier and with less health risks.
>After you have neatly wrapped it up and secured the bundle with bits of rope, you put it next to you and grab the small bag.
>It's rather heavy... What could be inside?
>Further palpating makes it pretty clear that it's money... But why? You can't take money from your friend for nothing.
>Your friend stares at you with the same huge grin from before.
>A bit hesitantly, you open it and your eyes go wide for a second time this evening.
>Inside is a pretty hefty sum... You can make about twenty golden bit coins and twelve silver ones out... Which makes for roughly two hundred sixty bits.
>Hold your horses! Do those three big coins have Celestia's and Luna's cutie marks on them?
>T-They do... Which makes them celestial bits and worth one hundred each.
>You never even had one of those before...
>And there are even more coins beneath the ones you can see, so it's probably far more.
>No, this is too much.
>You look at Kirron, who still watches you intently.
“Kirron... I can't take this.”
>The expression on his face changes from a happy to a surprised one.
>”Why not? It's a gift from myself to you.”
“Do you know much money this is?”
>”Yah. Eight hundred bits.”
“E-Eight hundred?!”
>That is more than you earn in two months... Even with all the extra hours you do.
“I can't take this! Seriously, Kirron..”
>”But I'm not taking them back. Also you earned them, so it's technically not even a gift.”
>What now?
“I earned them? How?”
>He bellows a laughter and reaches into his cart, pulling a black book out of it.
>”Remember this?”
“N-No...”
>You are still a bit baffled by the huge pile of money that lies before you.
>”Then take a closer look at it.”
>Kirron flings the book towards you and it lands right on your lap, nearly knocking the bag off it.
>Oh my... Now you recognise it.
>It's your Dark Souls Design Works... Which you got at one of your birthdays and borrowed it to Kirron since he was interested in how human fantasy weapons looked.
“I don't get it... What has that to do with...” you point at the bits, “This?”
>He chucklesnorts and does a beckoning gesture.
>”Turn it to the pages I bookmarked.”
“Okay...”
>You do so and find out that he bookmarked drawings of Ornstein's spear, the Man Serpent Greatsword, the Demon Great Machete and the Black Knight Greataxe.
>There are even notes stuck next to the pictures with ores listed on them.
>You can even read a few... At least to an extent. Kirron's handwriting is just terrible.
>Also it seems like the book has singes on it's edges... Like it was next to a fire or something for a prolonged time.
>Did... Did he craft some of the game's weapons?
>”By the way, I'm sorry that I damaged it a bit. But I needed it close by me for reference.”
>So he did...
“Show me one.” you say with a wide smile on your lips.
 
>Kirron returns it  and gets up to rummage around in his cart.
>Which is not terribly big from the outside, but he had it's various chests and crates enchanted by some unicorn to hold more than they would be usually able to do.
>Much like Twilight's bottomless bag, only far more costly and expansive.
>You have no clue how these enchantments work, and are not particularly interested in finding out either.
>Magic is cool as hell, but it's theory is probably the most boring thing you ever have stumbled upon.
>Even your marefriend cannot add zest to it, which is saying something. Since you love when she explains stuff to you and gets all excited about it.
>Heh, you can't wait until her next lecture.
>Still...
>Your gaze wanders down to the small sack of bits.
>Why did he gave this to you? It cannot be just for the inspiration he got from your book.
>Eight hundred... Man, the things you could do with this money.
>But it's too much, you can't possibly take such a huge gift from your travelling friend. Who admittedly earns a lot more than you, but also has higher expenses.
>Far higher than you... Alone this mithril stuff costs about a hundred bits per kilogram, and you don't even want to know what the rarer metals costs.
>He doesn't mine them himself, you know that for a fact.
>As much as he hates diamond dogs and everything they stand for, he is forced too buy the more obscure treasures of the soil at one of their trading posts.
>Which are sprinkled all over Equestria and are open whenever the dogs feel like being friends with the ponies and they on the other hand don't feel like driving them back underground again.
>It's a strange love-hate relationship those two species maintain, but it seems to work somehow.
>”Ah! There it is!”
>His voice brings you back from your world of thought.
>”What a beauty, if I might say so myself!”
>Kirron retrieves his upper body from the cart with a giant and crude looking sword in his hands.
“Fuck...”
>This specific weapon and it's wielder has given you so much frustration and grief during your first few play throughs of Dark Souls, that you would recognise it anywhere and under any lighting condition.
>The Demon Great Machete.
>And it looks just like you remembered it... From it's massive iron cast and hooked blade down to the useless and honestly a bit silly looking root like decorations at it's handle.
>It even looks rusted and worn out, like it has been used for many decades and drawn the blood of many foes.
>How did he do that?
>”What do you think of that? Pretty fucking nice, eh?”
>Taking it into an one handed grip, he assumes a battle stance and starts to swing it around in wide arcs.
>That thing must weigh tons... How can he wield it with one hand so easily? Let alone swing it around like a fucking baseball bat.
>In awe, you watch your friend's demonstration of strength as he more or less gracefully dances around the camp, all the while attacking invisible targets and performing spectacular manoeuvres.
>For the giant hulk Kirron is, he is surprisingly nimble on his two feet... Or hooves.
>One final time he brings the blade over his head and let's its hook crash down onto a tree stump with an ear-shattering impact.
>”HAH!”
>Large wooden splinters fly through the air and you cover you eyes to shield them from the few that were sent into your direction.
>You whistle impressed, when you uncover them again and see what damage the machete caused.
>The stump has been completely obliterated... Only a small crater remains, in which the blade has deeply buried itself into.
>That thing has some serious oomph behind it... You wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of it.
>Quite heavily breathing, Kirron reaches for his mug and empties it in one jug. Nearly tumbling over while doing so.
>”Whoa. I really shouldn't do this while I'm drunk. But it's too much fun.”
“Impressive, Kirron. No matter how often I see you fight, it never ceases to amaze me.”
>He chuckles and rests his bodyweight on the blade.
>”Thanks, friend. But if you are trying to get into my loincloths by flattering me, I fear that it won't work.”
>You return his laugh and carefully put your gifts aside, so you can stand up.
“I know, I know. My ass is too flat. But you can't blame a man for trying, can you?”
>”I guess not. But I tell you what.”
“Hmm?”
>”I will let you to touch my giant iron cudgel. How about that?”
“I couldn't ask for more.”
>”Take it then. But be careful, it's sharper than it looks. I couldn't really tell from your book, if it's edge is supposed to be ground or not, so I just ground it. I mean, who likes dull blades?”
“Exactly. Even if this thing's weight would be probably enough to cut through anything.”
>Kirron shakes his head and pulls the weapon out of the ground.
>Again with one hand...
>”Nah, I made it out of Blight Iron so it's surprisingly light for it's size. Roughly forty pounds.”
“Blight Iron?”
>”Yeah. It's a special metal that always looks filthy and rusted once it's forged. It's very popular among us minotaurs.”
>So that's how he gave it it's looks. Nifty.
“Sounds dangerously poisonous...”
>”It's perfectly safe. Just don't cut yourself on the edge, it hurts like hell.”
>He turns the weapon around and holds it's handle out to you.
>A bit hesitantly you grab it and slowly lift it out of your friend's grasp.
>And much to your surprise, it is really light. It's still too heavy for you to wield one handed, but with two hands you can easily operate it.
>Kirron laughs and takes a few steps back.
>”Try it out. But don't hit me or I will ensure that your ass gets even flatter.”
“Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about me, worry about your obsession with my flat ass.”
>He snorts, takes the beer barrel and sits down with it.
>”If I were you, I wouldn't try any overhead stuff in your state. You will just fall on your flat ass.”
“Is that a challenge?” you say and shoot him a cocky grin.
>Shrugging, he refills his mug and takes a sip from it.
>Well, what’s the worst what can happen?
>You lift it slowly over your head and quickly begin to realize the mistake you just made.
>Even if it is relatively light, it still manages to drag you down and forces your behind to meet the ground in a rather harsh manner.
“Ow!”
>”See?”
“Tzzk. I'm just not used yet on how this thing handles!”
>”Whatever floats your boat, mate.”
>You grunt and get up again.
>Okay, so no overhead swings. You learned that.
>Maybe just a few horizontal and vertical swings and then call it a day before you hurt yourself.
>There is no need for the cutlass incident to repeat itself... Twilight nearly killed you when she saw the scar on your chest.
>She still healed it, but without a painkiller spell or else you wouldn't have learned your lesson.
>That was one funny night, heh.
>You bring the weapon to your side and start with basic footwork, that Kirron taught you, to gain some momentum.
>Once you think you have enough, you lunge out and let the blade whirl through the air.
>Using the created drive, you turn it around and swing it upwards to bring it down again in a lopsided arc.
>Wow, once you get a hang of this it really handles nicely. Despite the blade's unconventional form and size.
>You jump a few steps back and heave it towards the sky and then behind your body.
>Focusing all your strength, you pounce forwards and jab out. A nearby dead tree being your target.
“Aaarrrgh!”
>The machete's hook hits it's bark, gets driven into the hard wooden core and rips a large chunk out of it when you pull the blade back.
>Splinters of wood and saw dust hits your face, but you couldn't care less.
>The adrenaline in your blood just lets you strike out time and time again. Each swing tearing another piece of the tree away.
>”Woohoo! There you go! Show mother nature who is boss around here!
>One last time you reach back and bore your weapon's hook into the doomed tree with a hefty horizontal swing.
>And that is all it takes to finally bring it down.
>You can hear gritting noises and quickly jump back.
>Heavily breathing you watch as the tree sways from side to side before ultimately falling over and crashing next to the pond.
>It's fall silenced by the thickly moss-covered soil there.
>”Timber!”
 
>Oh my... You didn't think that you actually manage to bring that tree down. Granted it was already dead and it's wood brittle, but still...
>That was fucking amazing.
>You put the weapon down and take another look at it.
>Long dried up, dark brown sap sticks to it's hooked top like viscous blood.
>Especially in the dimmed light of the camp fire, one might mistake it for the life's essence of another being.
>A cold shiver runs down your spine and you quickly avert your eyes from the weapon.
>Leaning it against Kirron's cart, you stagger back to your tree stump and sit down on it again.
>You don't think you would make a good warrior... But playing around with it was fun as hell.
>Just the thought of actually severely hurting or even killing someone with it... Eh, not so much.
>Time to drink those dark thoughts away.
>Ah... Works every time.
>”Well? What do you say?”
>Your friend looks expectingly at you and eagerly waits to hear your opinion about his piece of work.
>Apart from your personal issues, that Kirron probably would categorize as “girly” and “pussy like behaviour”, you actually like how it looks and handles.
>He got it down to tee.
>Also the new bench that you “made” for the pond, speaks for it's destructive power.
>You make a mental note to carefully introduce Mayor Mare to this improvement. Maybe she will give you some kind of reward for it.
>Like a free inside tour of the guardhouse's prison cells for destroying village property... Hmm, better not.
>Beaming the minotaur a smile, you give him a thumbs up.
“Once I figured out how to wield it properly, it handled near fucking perfectly. To say that I was impressed is an understatement.”
>Oh, is that a blush? How cute, you never saw him flattered.
>He quickly hides it behind his mug though and waves his hand around sillily.
>”I tried it to balance it out to the best of my abilities, since it's form is nothing we blacksmiths call conventional. Glad to hear it worked.”
“You are a damn good smith, Kirron. If I would have more money, I would totally consider buying one of your weapons for myself.”
>He chuckles and points at you.
>”Well, you have money now. How can I be of service?”
>This is something that you wanted address anyway... That fucking huge pile of shiny bits, he decided to gift to you.
“Yeah, Kirron. About that money...”
>His hands shoots forward and a splash out of his mug interrupts you.
“Eh!”
>”Like I said before: I will not take it back and if you dare to you somehow smuggle it back into my possession, consider our friendship ended.”
>A bit flabbergasted you look at him.
>Well, that was more than clear. Seems like this is really important for him.
“But why? I mean you already said it has to do with my book, but you can't seriously give me eight hundred bits just for some inspiration.”
>”Why not? I crafted and then sold them. So I fail to see the problem here.”
>Wait, what? Sold?
“You sold them?
>”Yah! What else should I have done with them? Shove them up my arse?”
“Well, no. Maybe for yourself. I don't know. I didn't think that they were practicable enough to actually sell or let alone use them in combat.”
>The minotaur shrugs.
>”Believe me when I say that as long as a weapon appeals to a customer's notions and wishes, it will sell.”
“I understand... So who bought them?”
>”Some minotaur noble bought the Greataxe off me for the captain of his wife's personal bodyguard. And some gryphons up in Eagle's Peak were really interested in that Ornstein guy's spear, since they said it was perfect for aerial combat. Sadly I only made one, so they had to outbid themselves. Well sad for them, heh.”
>He laughs and then takes a long jug from his mug.
>”So see it as your share. Without you and your book, I wouldn't have earned those three thousand bits.”
>Three thousand bits for just two weapons?!
>You mean, they are all well crafted and what not. But still, that's ridiculous...
>Twilight has really chosen the wrong job for you. The engineer's workshop is nice and all, but you can only dream of making this much money.
>...
>Well, at least the work is easy enough and they appreciate you and your hands there.
>You chuckle.
“In profit, I assume?”
>”Of course!”
>Fiddling with the small bag and playing with the money inside it, you look at him.
“Good for you then. But still...”
>His face takes on an annoyed expression.
>”By the axe of my father, please stop with the buts. Yours is too flat to have any right to use this word!”
>That doesn't even make sense...
>”Just accept it. For my and your sake.”
“My sake?”
>”Yeah, because if you don't stop, I will shove the money somewhere where it won't come out until I've been long gone!”
>Meaning in your flat ass. Well okay then.
“Heh. Okay then. Thanks Kirron, for this very generous gift. But you should really work on your obsession with my behind.”
>He snorts and sips from his beer.
>”You're welcome and for the record, it's just too flat to ignore. How that Twilight gal of yours can like it, is a mystery to me.”
>You slip the bag into your jackets inside pocket and then take a hit.
“She likes it well enough, thank you very much.”
>”If you say so... Got any plans yet on how to spend your money? Maybe treat your marefriend to a nice dinner?”
“Yeah, something like that. I promised her the date of her life when she created a cu... I mean finished a project of hers.”
>His eyebrows raise and he shoots you a questioning look.
>Luckily, Kirron doesn't decide to investigate your slip of the tongue further.
>”That's nice. Have you something on your mind yet?”
>Hmm... Good question.
>You have some ideas, but yet lack the concept to weave them all together.
“No, not really... I planned on asking Rarity about that. Maybe she can help me along.”
>”Rarity, you say?”
“Well, yeah. She usually knows what mares like and what not.”
>Down to the most intimate details...
>You still have to properly thank her for telling you that ponies have a g-spot. Even if you didn't ask her specifically for this particular bit of detail.
>She just kinda mentioned it out of nowhere and without any given context. Like most of her sexy advices.
>Well... It did help you with Twilight, didn't it?
>”Is she a friend of your marefriend?”
“Yep, one of her closest.”
>”Then you should do that. It is always a good idea to ask your mare's friends. They sometimes know better what she wants than herself.”
“True, true.”
>You two fall silent for a bit. But not in awkward way.
>From one of his pouches, he pulls out a small cloth wrapped something and starts to fiddle around with it.
>What's that? Looks too small to be one of his daggers. And why should it be wrapped up then?
>Kirron looks at it intently before he shifts his attention back to you.
>”Another thing.”
“Yeah?”
>”About Rarity. Could you maybe give something to her?”
>Huh?
“Your regards, or what?”
>Kirron chucklesnorts and shakes his head.
>”No, you idiot. A gift.”
>A gift? Now it starts to get interesting...
“Well, that was pretty rude... So I don't know.”
>”Just do it and say that I'm sorry.”
>You beam him a smile and nod.
“Of course I will do it. But why apologize? You didn't do that to the other mares you graced with your attention.”
>For the second time since you know him you see his cheeks burn up.
>He rubs the back of his head and averts your gaze.
>Oh... Oh my... Does someone have a crush on somepony?
>”Well...”
“Oh man, that mare really turned your head, didn't she?”
>”No, yes... I don't know. I mean... Did you look at her? She's gorgeous! How couldn't I fall for her?!”
“I'm not judging you mate. I was just a bit surprised that you would consider Rarity as the cute, little mare that looks forward to you coming home.”
>Your friend sighs and downs the contents of his mug.
>”I fucked that up, didn't I?”
“I wouldn't say that....”
>”Hmm? What do you mean?”
“Well you certainly didn't make the best first impression, but Rares isn't the resentful type.”
>”She isn't?”
>A glimmer of hope shimmers in his eyes.
“Nah, but she really dislikes rude brutes.”
>And it's gone just as fast as it appeared.
“But I tell you what.”
>”Yeah?”
“I will give Rarity your present and tell her you're are sorry about your comment about her “crisp buns”. And you work on your demeanour while your away. And the next time you are here in Ponyville, I will properly introduce you two to each other.”
>”Really now? You would do that?”
“Yep. That's the least I can do after you were so generous to me. I will even warm her up to you... Like telling her that you are not a bad guy and what not. But I will first have to see how I do th-”
>A giant smile spreads across his lips and he pounces forward, to trap you in a strong, manly hug.
“Omph...”
>”Thanks, friend!”
>God... Air... You need air!
“Y-You're welcome...” you mumble into his hairy, muscular chest.
>At least he showered or washed himself today... Otherwise this would be a very musky experience.
>Releasing you again from the breath-taking grasp of his arms, he thrusts the small item into your hands and returns to his seat again.
>You start to feel it up, but you can't make out what it could be. Feels thin and light, though...
“Can I  take a look at it?”
>”Of course.”
“'Kay.”
>Carefully, you unwrap the bundle and whistle when you see what the cloth covered.
>A beautiful, silver curved comb. With Rarity's cutie mark in every detail engraved on it.
>Well, judging by the time he spent looking at her flank, it's no wonder he memorized it so well.
“Colour me impressed, Kirron. That really is something else.”
>He laughs.
>”Yeah, didn't think I could make something so filigree myself.”
“Did you make this today?”
>”Mhm. Nopony really bought something, and since I couldn't get Rarity out of my head I decided to use my time making this instead of sitting on my ass and slowly getting drunk.”
“Remarkable, considering it's you.”
>”Asking for an ass-whooping, eh?”
“Nah, not really. Thank you.”
>You wrap it up again and put it into your jackets other inside pocket.
 
>”So you will give this to her?”
“I already said I would, didn't I?”
>Your friend chuckles and waves you off.
>”Just double checking. Got any tips for me, maybe?”
“For hooking up with Rares, or what?”
>”What else?”
>Shrugging, you take a draught.
“She likes gentlecolts and is far less high-maintenance as she might look like. Behind her lady-like and high-class demeanour is a carefree and excitable mare that just wants to have a guy that treats her well and is nice. So remember that.”
>Well, that's at least the impression you got from her over your years here. Should be right, though.
>Rarity is really easy to handle once you get to know her better.
>Now you just hope that she is into interspecies relationships... Apart from her interest in participating in yours and Twilight's sex life.
>Which was rather surprising.
>”Thanks, friend. I will.”
“No problem, mate.”
>You take a look into your mug and find that it has gotten dangerously empty.
“How much beer do we still have, Kirron?”
>Your friend takes the barrel into his hands and shakes it.
>”About one mug in there and two more barrels in the pond. So we won't die of thirst, don't worry.”
>That are some good news, you must say.
>Chuckling, you hold your mug out to him.
“Then let's finish them and talk the night away! It's still young!”
>He smashes his mug against yours and hollers.
>”To us!
“To us!”
 
End Part 13