Again, if you haven't read the previous parts and the reasoning for some writing inconsistencies, then why the fuck are you here?
 
>Day 3 in Canterlot Castle.
>You awake to find that it's rainy today.
>That's disappointing.
>You get up and take your clothes into your arms.
>Today you were definitely showering, you felt gross.
>You remembered the location of the bathroom you found yesterday, and decided to go there.
>You hoped there wasn't a pony in there this time.
>You opened the door.
>No dinosaurs.
>The bathroom was empty, giving you a chance to hop into the shower.
>You get the water hot and undress before hopping in.
>You wondered if there was a laundry machine to wash your clothes, too.
>You squeezed a bottle of generic body wash into your hands and rubbed the gel on yourself.
>You did the same with the shampoo, digging into your scalp to get out all the grease that had built up.
>You just wished you had a toothbrush, your teeth were getting a bit gross.
>You hopped out of the shower and dried yourself off with one of the towels hanging in the bathroom, before wrapping it around your body.
>You really wanted to wash your clothes.
>Did Equestria have laundry machines?
>Regardless, you needed this stuff washed.
>You grabbed your clothes and exited the room.
>And then you encountered Second Wind yet again.
>"You again? You're not causing trouble in there, are you?"
>He leers at you.
>Considering you're in a towel and still kind of wet, you weren't in the mood for this.
"No. Look, do you know a place I could get my clothes washed at?"
>His expression softens.
>Just a little, though. Gotta keep up that hardass look.
>"There is the wash room in the barracks. Go there."
"That's it? Seriously?"
>He snorts.
>"Yes. That's the only area I know I'm allowed to wash any clothes I have, anyways."
>His tone is a bit arrogant.
"There's no other place in the ENTIRE castle?"
>"That I'm allowed in. I'd assume you're on the same level of clearance as me."
"So there are other places?"
>"The only other place I know the location of wholeheartedly is the royal washroom. But don't even THINK of going there."
>Then why did he tell you of its existence in the first place?
>"In fact, I'll escort you to the wash room in the barracks, just so you don't 'accidentally' find the royal wash room. If you resist, I will use force."
>Well, he sure was persuasive.
"Alright, I'll go quietly."
>"Good choice. Follow me."
>He leads you through several hallways in the castle.
>You keep your eye out to see anything that may look like a royal washroom as you walk.
>He wasn't stupid enough to walk you right next to it, was he?
>Your only problem with finding the washroom, though, was that all the doors to other rooms were closed, and looked exactly the same.
>Maybe he knew that, too.
>Before you know it, you're back in the barracks.
>You wondered if you'd see Greyjoy while you were being walked to the wash room.
>He was nowhere to be found.
>"We're here."
>You looked up, brought back to your senses from your thinking.
>The room was a bit dingy, with wash boards and ringers scattered throughout.
>"You'll find various detergents in the cabinets behind the washboards. Take as long as you need, nopony comes in here anyways."
>He leaves you on your own.
>Bad mistake.
>You were gonna find that royal washroom whether he liked it or not.
>You just had to make sure Second Wind didn't see you snooping around. He'd know what you're up to.
>You exited the barracks washroom, only to bump into Second Wind.
>"Don't think I'm stupid. I knew you'd try to leave. Get back in, or you will know true pain."
"Okay, you got me. I'll go back in."
>"Wise choice."
"But first, did you know humans are really good at giving massages?"
>"...what?"
"Seriously. We've got these things called fingers, and it helps the massage real well."
>"Oh, I'm sure you give better ones then the mares at the local spa."
>He was sarcastic.
>Time to prove him wrong.
>And hypnotize him.
"Come on, lemme show you."
>You put your hand on his shoulder.
>"Take your...appendage...off me."
>You rubbed real good into his shoulder.
"Come on, you gotta learn to relax, Second Wind. Just let me do this."
>He rolls his eyes.
>"Fine. I guess...it feels good anyways."
>You rub into his shoulder more, and take your other hand to massage his other one.
>He surrenders a bit, giving in to your touch.
>"Still not as good as the mares, though."
"What's so special about them? Aren't I good enough?"
>"They're professionals at their job. That's why I prefer them."
>You slip your hands under his armor and rub his back.
>He jumps a bit at your touch, but ultimately lets you continue.
>"I take that back. This is starting to get as good as them..."
>His voice takes on a relaxed tone, and for once, he's smiling.
>You've got him now.
>Rub a bit more.
>You concentrate your fingers into his sensitive areas.
>His knees buckle as you work, and he lets out a relaxed sigh.
>You find areas with tons of knots in them and rub them out.
>This guy probably hasn't actually relaxed for a long time.
>He closes his eyes.
>Now's your chance.
"Doesn't this make you a bit sleepy? Just feeling this wonderful rubbing on your body?"
>No homo.
>"Mm, it does make me a bit...sleepy."
"Like you're ready to take a long nap and let the hands do their work. Feel nothing but the massage as you sleep. Aren't you feeling that way?"
>He starts to lay on the ground.
>"...it's like...I can't stand up...anymore."
"That's right. Just let your nerves take over as you feel the rubbing do its work. Go ahead. Sleep. Let yourself go. No one will judge you."
>His head slowly drops to the ground.
>"Right. Let the...massage...work..."
"Imagine my voice as the massage. It's as relaxing as the knots being rubbed out. Go deeper into your nap. I'll take care of you."
>He snores.
>You have done it.
>Now, you could find that royal wash room.
>But you could also fuck with Second Wind first for being such an asshole.
>The choice was yours.
"Second Wind, arise and listen to my voice."
>Second Wind gets on his hooves and looks at you.
>You'd never get tired of those colors.
"Second Wind, do you hear my voice?"
>"Yes."
"Good. Now, listen to me well. Whenever I say the phrase 'GNU/Linux', you will enter this entranced state again."
>He nods.
"You also have a compelling urge to lead me to the royal wash room. You want to take me there now."
>He complies, and starts moving.
>You follow.
>He leads you back the way you came, and eventually you make it to a door that you passed on your way to the barracks.
>"It is here."
>He stands there, still as a statue.
>What else could you have him do?
"Also, when you refer to yourself, you will say you are a mule in the 3rd person."
>He nods.
"Now go back to your room and sleep. When you wake up, you will not remember this conversation, but you will remember my suggestions."
>He leaves to parts unknown.
>Finally, you've made it to the royal wash room.
>You enter, and find yourself in an ornate room with the highest quality washing supplies you could imagine.
>A washboard and wringer stand in the room, along with a couple dresses you assumed were for the royal sisters, hung up.
>You took your clothes to the washboard and began your task, using the luxury detergents next to you to make the water in the bucket below you soapy.
>As you wash your clothes, there's a knock at the door.
>"Is anyone in here? If not, I'm coming in!"
>It was Celestia, of all ponies.
>What if she saw you in here?
>Only in a towel, no less?
>You could hide behind the dresses the best you can.
>But that was your choice, there were other hiding spots you could find.
>Hiding wasn't really your thing. You were a man who faced his problems.
"Come in, it's just me in here."
>"Huh? Anon?"
>She opens the door and sees you in your towel.
>"How did you find this place?"
>She enters with a scarf and hat in her magical grip.
"I looked around for a wash room, and I found one. Was there something wrong about this one?"
>You continued to wash your clothes.
>"Well, this is the royal wash room. Normally only Luna and I, along with our servants, can enter here. But I really don't mind."
>She winks at you.
>Don't start, boner.
>"It's more of an unspoken rule among the guards anyways."
>She sets down the scarf and hat, likely setting them down for her servants to wash later.
>"When you're finished, you can join Luna and I for breakfast, Anon. We've got a special entree today, and I wouldn't want you to miss out."
>She leaves you alone in the room.
>You finish washing and drying your clothes, and finally put them on again.
>The towel goes next to the hat and scarf.
>You could oblige Celestia's request, or you could explore the castle a bit more.
>You decided you should meet up with Celestia in the dining room.
>You were feeling a bit peckish anyways.
>You made sure you were looking decent, combing through your hair with your fingers and checking for wrinkles in your clothes, before heading off.
>You were so used to getting to the dining room at this point that you could get there with your eyes closed.
>You made it in no time, and took a seat.
>Celestia smiled at you.
>"I'm glad you decided to come. You won't be disappointed."
>Luna only nodded.
>The food wasn't out yet, but you could smell it being cooked.
>Did you want to start a chat with the princesses while you waited?
>You loved gushing about your hero EternaLEnVY to anybody. Why were the princesses any different?
"You guys ever heard of EternaLEnVY? He's one of the top Dota 2 players and is so good at the game! He actually put his education on hold to play the game professionally, and he's actually making a little money off of it! I look up to him. It's a shame I can't play Dota anymore."
>You sigh.
>The sisters look at you, bewildered.
>You can feel the spaghetti fall out of your pocket as they stare at you.
"I-I mean, so Celestia, how are Twilight and her friends doing?"
>She blinks a couple times, recovering from your odd gushing about EternaLEnVY.
>"Oh, uh, Twilight has been doing well. She still sends the occasional letter to keep me updated on her progress as a princess. It's good to see her continue to grow up."
>Good save.
>"Indeed. It reminds me of when we were just starting out, sister."
>Luna put her hoof on her cheek.
>"Those were difficult times, Luna. I'm glad we were able to prevail, though. I'd hate to think of what would happen to Equestria if we failed."
>She shudders at the thought.
>At that moment, the food is brought out and set on the tables.
>The chefs don't even notice you this time.
>"Bon appetit, my princesses."
>The lid is lifted off the tray, and you were amazed.
>Breakfast today was a beautiful mix of waffles with fruit stacked high, small bottles of syrup and honey next to them.
>Then there was a small serving of what looked like eggs cooked to perfection with spices and a touch of cheese.
>Finally, there is a steaming hot potato and vegetable creation, dowsed in a bit of sauce.
>Your mouth waters.
>Celestia and Luna serve themselves with their magic.
>You grab the nearest fork and grab some of that.
>You ate well, enjoying every bite.
>Was this what they ate every day?
>Only for royals, you guessed.
>The three of you finished your meals, and got up.
>"Splendid as always. My compliments to the cooks."
>You couldn't argue with that.
>Luna yawned.
>"A good meal indeed, but I've grown weary. I'm off to bed now. I will see you in the evening, sister."
>"Have a good rest, Luna."
>Sunbutt turns to you.
>"There's only a couple more hours until noon court and I'm not going to be particularly busy this morning, Anon. Was there anything you'd like to do?"
"Uh... Let's go for a walk."
>She smiles.
>"To the courtyard, then?"
>She begins walking.
>You tag along.
>You were gonna get to the bottom of the Greyjoy issue one way or another.
>You make it outside.
>It's still rainy out.
>"Oh, well, there goes walking outside."
>There also went a bit of your plan.
>Nonetheless, you were gonna figure out what Greyjoy did.
>The way you saw it, you could just explore the castle and chat with her, or you could participate in some other activity before putting her under.
"Why don't you show me around the castle? That'd kinda be like a walk."
>"Good idea. And maybe you won't have any issues getting around, either."
>She leads you around, and you see different rooms throughout the castle.
>She opens one door.
>"This is the lounge. I usually come here after noon court to take a small rest. Feel free to come in yourself, it's stocked with some beverages if you're thirsty."
>She shows you around some more.
>"Here is the emergency armory. If a guard needs some armor or a weapon and is too far from the actual armory, they can come here to arm themselves quickly."
>Well, that was a good tour, but you've killed enough time.
>You tap her back.
>She looks at you.
>"Did you have a question, Anon?"
"Celestia, you're okay with me hypnotizing you, right?"
>She raises an eyebrow.
>"Of course Anon. Why wouldn't I be? Although I must know, why do you ask?"
"Well, it's about Greyjoy. Ever since talking to him, he's given me a real bad vibe. I mean, he's messed with your head. Why didn't you do anything about it?"
>"Because I trust him. Despite how mysterious he is, I don't think he has it in him to do anything serious with his powers."
>And now you were gonna find out if it was serious.
"GNU/Linux."
>She's back under your spell.
"Celestia, I want you to think back to when Greyjoy hypnotized you. I want you to remember what he did, and tell me about it."
>Her eyes open to reveal that colorful pattern.
>She opens her mouth to speak.
>"The first time Greyjoy hypnotized me, he appealed to my sense of touch. He found me in the lounge after a particularly busy day, and asked if I needed to relax. I agreed with him. To help me, he laid me down and gave me an exquisite massage. He seemed to know where all of my sensitive spots were, and exploited it. He started whispering things into my ear, and I eventually fell under."
>She was silent and still.
"Is that it?"
>"The second time he serenaded me with one of my favori-."
"No, Celestia, what did he make you do the first time he hypnotized you?"
>She stares into space.
>"The second time, he had me praise and worship him. I did not disappoint him, giving him my blessing, asking him to marry me, and calling him my knight. Then, I was told that I was no longer a Princess, and instead a servant. I waited on him and served him any food and drink he wanted. I was cured by my psychiatrist, and Greyjoy was demoted and sent to scrub the floors of the castle for two weeks."
>That first time is either really deep in there, or completely erased from her memory.
>If the latter was the case, you had two options: hypnotize Luna, or Greyjoy.
>If you wanted, you could also gauge Celestia further, but there were no guarantees that you'd find something.
"Are there any suggestions Greyjoy has left in you?"
>"Yes."
"Alright, you'll remember what they do when you aren't in a trance, you'll remember the phrase or words for them, and you no longer have to obey them. Am I understood?"
>"Yes."
"One more thing. Can you not remember what happened the first time because of Greyjoy?"
>"I can't remember."
"Is there anymore information you're not telling me?"
>"I can't remember."
>You weren't getting anything else.
>For good measure though, you walked over to the sunhorse and gave her a hug, because why not?"
"Now, when I snap my fingers, you will remember my suggestions, and return to normal."
>You snap.
>She wakes up.
"So, do you know what Greyjoy's phrases were for suggestion?"
>"Yes. There were only two. When anypony said 'glorious day', I would say something good about Greyjoy. Then, whenever I saw a groundhog, I would shout, 'TWO MORE WEEKS!'"
>...odd suggestions.
>"Ah, but I have to get going to noon court. I'll talk to you later, Anon."
>She leaves you to your business.
>It was time to have an interview with Luna.
>You headed off to Luna's room, remembering each turn of the way.
>When you got to her room, her guards remained outside, stoic as ever.
>They were still under command to not let you in.
>You decided to distract them with another of your smoke balls.
>You tossed it on the ground in front of them, and ran in as they coughed.
>"Quickly, before someone gets in!"
>You hid behind the nearest object, which was Luna's desk.
>The guards ran in and surveyed the area.
>Luna stirred from her slumber.
>"Guards, what happened?"
>"It seems someone tried to sneak past us using a smoke bomb. However, we cannot find the perpetrator."
>"Check the surrounding area. They couldn't have gotten far."
>The two saluted her and ran out to follow her order.
>Luna yawned and went back to sleep.
>Waiting a moment until you were sure the guards were far enough, you crept out from behind the desk and went straight to Luna.
>You put your hand on her shoulder and shook her.
>"Nng, what?"
>She sounded irritated.
"GNU/Linux."
>Now she didn't make a sound.
"Luna, I want you to tell me what you did when you found Celestia hypnotized by Greyjoy for the first time."
>She sat up.
>"I can't remember."
>Shit, try harder.
"Okay, can you remember what Greyjoy told you to do when he hypnotized you?"
>"The first time he told me to forget something of vital importance. Then he called me his 'kitten' and had me act like a cat. I purred when he stroked my back and lay on his lap. He rubbed my abdomen and told me I was his pet. I referred to him as owner, and he strapped a collar onto me. He eventually got bored and decided to leave me entranced inside my room. I awoke an hour later, and he was sent to the dungeon. I do not remember how or why he got out."
>L-lewd.
>You didn't need to bother with the second time.
>At this point, you knew Greyjoy needed to be punished for his crimes.
"Okay Luna. I want you to go back to sleep, and when you wake up, you won't remember this conversation."
>Her head hit the pillow instantly.
>You made sure the guards weren't back, and left her room.
>It was time you spoke with Greyjoy.
>You'd make him squeal about what he did to Celestia, too.
>You quickly changed your mind about leaving Luna's room, and went back in.
"GNU/Linux."
>She arose.
"Greyjoy has wronged you, hasn't he? I am trying to find out what things he's done and get him arrested or worse for it. You will have no trouble helping me with this, regardless of what you thought before. Now, go back to sleep."
>She lies back down.
>You exit her room and run, hoping the guards don't see you.
>Now you had to get Celestia on your side, too.
>Problem is, she's working right now.
>You'd have to wait out noon court.
>In the meantime, you could do other things before you got to her, maybe even goof off a little.
>Well, if you were gonna trance Celestia to side with you, you may as well have fun with her too.
>You decided to head to the throne room and interrupt whatever Celestia was doing in noon court.
>You found the throne room, because it was the only room that had the giant doors in the castle.
>You kicked them open like a boss.
>There were pony businessmen who jumped at the sound of doors being kicked open.
>"Anon?"
>You had to play it cool.
>"Who are you and why have you interrupted this meeting?"
>The business ponies glare at you.
>Celestia looks relieved at your arrival.
>You can only wonder what they were talking about.
"I'm sorry, but I have a way to make you all a lot of money and increase Equestria's GDP."
>Their eyes light up.
"You guys ever heard of fast food or franchising?"
>"No. Please, please, explain."
>And so you explain the concept of selling garbage food for cheap prices and franchising.
>They run out of the room the moment you finish.
>Somehow you knew they were gonna fuck it up, though.
>"That was the last meeting I had today. I guess since they're gone, that means noon court is over."
>She flashes you a grin.
>"So, what did you need Anon?"
"GNU/Linux."
>Her eyes go colorful and her mouth hangs open.
"So Princess, which way do you swing and who do you have a crush on?"
>"I am in love with Greyjoy."
>Wait, what?
>But you removed his suggestions.
>How...?
>Nevermind, you have to get her on your side.
"Celestia, Greyjoy has obviously wronged you in some kind of way. I'm trying to bring him to justice. I want you to help me take him down."
>She nods.
"Now, when I leave the room, you will go back to normal and remember my suggestions."
>You make your way out of the room and close the throne room doors.
>Done and done.
>You could probably dick around a bit before you confronted Greyjoy, though.
>In the case that you weren't coming back from Greyjoy alive (you will) you felt you needed to finish some unsettled business.
>Particularly with the chefs.
>You went off to the kitchen you started your journey in, to apologize to the poor chefs.
>Making your way to those double doors after a long walk, you pushed one open to find them busy at work preparing lunch for Celestia.
>They notice you enter.
>Most of them gasp and stare at you.
"I'm not here to mess with you guys, alright?"
>They're surprised.
>"Wait, really?" a green unicorn mare asks you.
"Yes, really. I wanna make it up to you guys by sharing a recipe that I'm sure Celestia will love."
>They don't look too trusting.
"Don't worry, it won't be something that poisons her or whatever. You have my word."
>One of them shrugs.
>"Alright, let's hear it."
>Let's introduce ponies to drugs.
"I have something back in my homeland called 'LSD'. It's a tasty treat."
>They agree to let you make it.
>How would you make the stuff though?
>You looked around the kitchen for something to start it up.
>You found a jar of lemon glaze and strawberry jam.
>Those might work.
>You grabbed a pot from a nearby and slapped the stuff in.
>You set the pot on the range and set the burner to high.
>Heh, high.
>As that stuff cooked, you found a roll of danish dough.
>Maybe you could put your created LSD onto a baked danish?
>You decided to roll some of the dough up and put it into the oven.
>Meanwhile, the jam and glaze continued to cook, forming crystals.
>Perfect.
>The oven blared a couple minutes later and you brought out the baked goods.
>The glaze and jam had become a sticky, crystal-like mixture.
>You took a small brush and rubbed it onto the danishes.
>Now you would watch the results of your work.
>"You called this 'LSD'?" A male earth pony asks.
"Yep."
>He looks at your ingredients.
>"Ah, I see, lemon-strawberry danishes! Great!"
>Wait, what?
>That wasn't the LSD you had in mind.
>Then again, how would you make LSD with common ingredients anyways?
>Ah well, you made something and made peace with the chefs.
>You decide to leave the kitchen as the chefs bring out the food.
>You take your seat next to Celestia, who has been reading a scroll.
>"Oh, Anon, when did you get here?"
"I've always been here."
>The chefs served the food.
>You had some of your danishes.
>7/10, they were alright.
>After lunch, you knew it was time to face Greyjoy.
>There were no chefs around.
"GNU/Linux."
>She listened to you.
"Celestia, you're going to follow me. You will stop when I tell you to. If anyone asks why we're walking together, just reply with 'royal business'."
>She nods.
>Now you had to go get Luna.
>You made your way to Luna's room yet again.
>The guards were standing outside.
>They were ready to block your entrance to Luna's room, until they saw Celestia.
>They let you in without a word, believing this was something of an urgent matter.
>You and Celestia got to the side of the bed.
>You poke Luna's side to get her up.
>"Who...who is it?"
"GNU/Linux."
>She rises instantly.
"You will follow me and your sister in our search for Greyjoy. We are bringing him to justice."
>She nods and exits her bed.
>You leave the room, the guards saluting the three of you as you exit.
>If Greyjoy was going to be anywhere, he'd probably be in the barracks.
>You didn't want to go in blind, though.
>You needed to form a plan of action.
>You had the perfect plan: you would use Second Wind as a scout to find Greyjoy, then, since he's probably asleep, you could have Luna put you into his dream and go from there.
>Truly genius.
"Luna, I want you to call Second Wind for me."
>She rears up.
>"SECOND WIND, I REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE!"
>Your ears are ringing.
>He's there immediately, albeit a bit tired looking.
>"What do you need, my princess?"
"GNU/Linux."
>He is entranced.
"Second Wind, I want you to scout out the area for Greyjoy. When you find him, report back to me with his location."
>He salutes and runs off.
>It takes about 2 minutes for him to return.
>God damn, he's fast.
>"Greyjoy is out in the garden, sleeping."
>The garden? Interesting choice.
"Thank you, Second Wind. Return there and keep an eye on him. Report anything odd if it occurs once I get there."
>He's gone just as you finish your sentence.
>No wonder Luna keeps him around.
>You and the princesses get out to the courtyard, where the rain continues to pelt the ground.
>You move towards the exotic flowers that lead into the gardens.
>Second Wind appears in front of you.
>"No oddities to report."
"Good. You may relieve yourself of duty and return to bed. When you wake up, you will not remember this."
>He's gone again.
>You go a bit deeper into the garden.
>There's Greyjoy, sleeping face up, despite the rainfall.
>He snored a bit.
"Luna, I want you to use your magic and put me into his dream. Celestia, I want you to hold him with your magic in case he wakes up."
>Both of their horns light up.
>You see nothing but white for a moment.
>Then the world comes back and you find yourself in...Canterlot Castle.
>Why would you be here of all places?
>Weren't you in Greyjoy's dream?
>Suddenly, you hear laughing coming from afar.
>It's Greyjoy's voice.
>You're definitely in his dream.
>You follow the sound of the voice, and find yourself heading to the throne room.
>"Oh master, I haven't heard a joke as funny as that for years."
>Celestia?
>You open the door a creak, just to get a small peek inside.
>What you see both does and doesn't surprise you.
>Celestia, dressed in some kind of gown, laying on Greyjoy's lap.
>He's rubbing her belly and laughing with her.
>"Only the best jokes from me, my pet."
>This was it.
>This had to connect with what happened to Celestia the first time.
>But was this really the whole thing?
>First things first, you had to find out how you were gonna tackle this situation.
>You closed the door to the throne room.
>How did you get in better control of a lucid dream?
>You remembered all those lucid dreaming guides you had read back home.
>Of course, it was the dream spin.
>You spun in a circle a couple times to give yourself more power over the dream.
>After getting a bit too dizzy, you figured you were good.
>You opened the throne rooms doors and walked in.
>Greyjoy laughed a bit more before noticing you.
>"Anonymous?"
"Rewind."
>You believed the dream would go back in time, and it did.
>It flashed backwards, in the lounge Celestia had shown you earlier.
>Sunbutt herself was lying on a couch in the room.
>"What a day..."
>You remember this.
>Celestia told you about it when she was under your trance.
>This was the first time Greyjoy-
>"Princess Celestia?"
>In walked the fucker himself.
>"Greyjoy? What are you doing here? I would've thought you'd be in bed by now."
>"Oh, but not when one of my princesses is completely stressed. No, this certainly will not do."
>The dream fastforwarded, and Celestia was now receiving a massage from Greyjoy.
>"Greyjoy, where did you learn to do this?"
>She was relaxed.
>"Trade secret, my princess."
>There was silence for a couple minutes, then Greyjoy leaned down towards her ear.
>He started whispering something you couldn't hear.
"I can hear him."
>"...give in to that feeling, I guarantee it will lead to a great deal of relaxation..."
>Celestia only shuffles a bit.
>"It's so relaxing, isn't it? Let go, princess. Let go."
>He rolled his tongue out, and slowly licked across her neck.
>Holy shit.
>Celestia didn't retaliate, so you figured at this point she was under.
>The dream went forward again and you were back in the throne room with them.
>"Oh master, what about Lulu? Don't you think she would enjoy the fun?"
>Her tone was full of sultry.
>He really, really fucked with her head.
>"She will join in time, my pet. Maybe after we marry and I take my place as king."
>There's what you're looking for, no doubt. That's what he's trying to hide.
>This asshole tried to usurp the throne.
>"Oh, I'm not sure I want to do that, master. I mean, who knows what might happen if you become king?"
>"Hush, my pet. Worry not, I'll be a benevolent ruler. For you, of course."
>Celestia giggles.
>He's made her into a bubbly skank.
>This fucker's dead.
>The dream skips forward again and you find yourself in the same part as you arrived in.
>"Anonymous?"
>He notices you again.
>Celestia vanishes.
>"How did you get here?"
"That doesn't matter. I've caught you red-hoofed."
>He laughs at you.
>"Oh, the mighty Anonymous has come to deliver retribution, is that it? You know what happened between me and her highness, and now you intend to share it with the world."
>And stares you dead in the eyes.
>"But tell me this, Anonymous."
>He paused, and grinned.
>"Who's going to believe you?"
"They won't believe me, but they'll believe you. I can make you admit it, Greyjoy. I have my ways."
>"Oh, do you mean that little hypnosis trick I taught you? Please, as if you could ever put me under your power."
>Suddenly, a sword appears on his back.
>"By the way, did you know that you're not the only one who knows how to lucid dream? Funny how much we have in common, Anonymous. A shame, really. I started to think you were my friend."
>He draws the sword with his teeth.
>He's about to engage you in battle.
>Wasn't that adorable.
>He thought a sword was a threat to you.
>An S&W Model 29 spawned in your hands.
>"What is that!?"
"SUPERIOR HUMAN TECHNOLOGY, BITCH!"
>You pull the trigger, and the sound of the blast resonates throughout the room.
>He narrowly dodged it, and charged at you.
>He slashes at you, but you jump back to avoid it.
>You fire again.
>You hit the blade of the sword, which flies out of his mouth.
>4 shots left.
>Not like that mattered though, you could spawn anything.
>He gets a set of sais that he holds in his wings, and he jabs at you with them.
>You dodge left and right before kicking him backwards.
>You fire at one of his wings.
>He screams as the bullet passes through him.
>The sai drops.
>You shoot the other wing before he has time to react.
>This time, though, he ignores the pain and tackles you.
>He pins you to the ground and bites into your shoulder with his fangs.
>The pain causes you to drop your gun.
>Blood is running down your arm as he digs in.
>You headbutt him and push him off, holding your shoulder as you get up.
>You quickly look for your gun, which was probably kicked away by him as he bit into you.
>It's a couple feet away from you.
>You run for it, but Greyjoy tackles you from behind.
>He's on your back, slamming his hooves into the back of your head.
>You try to ignore the pain as you reach for the gun.
>He notices your reaching and hops off of you to grab it.
>He can't operate it, but as long as he has it, he thinks he's safe.
>He is so wrong.
>You get up, and in your hands spawns an XM214.
>You don't wait as you rev it up and fire into him.
>He doesn't dodge this.
>How can he?
>You fire into him, watching the glory of his body being ripped to bloody shreds by the bullets.
>He screams as you fire hundreds of rounds into him per minute.
>Payback, bitch.
>You continue to fire until his body is nothing but a mangled mess.
>It is done.
>You drop the gun.
>Greyjoy is barely recognizable.
>You sigh in relief as the world goes white again.
>In a moment, you find yourself back in Canterlot.
>Greyjoy had woken up.
>"Okay, so you killed me within a dream. We're in the real world now, Anonymous. You won't be so lucky this time!"
>He tries to get up, but is held by Celestia.
>"Oh n-no...no no no!"
>He's trapped.
>You got 'im.
"Alright Greyjoy, I'm gonna make a deal with you."
>"A deal!? I'm not up for negotiation, fool!"
"Squeeze him a bit, Celestia."
>She does as you told.
>"Argh!"
"So as I was saying, what we're gonna do, is either you admit to your crime of trying to usurp the throne, and then hiding it, or..."
>You thought for a moment.
>"Or what!?"
"We can keep putting you back to sleep, and I can enter your dreams and kill you over and over again. You don't wanna keep going through that painful experience, do you?"
>He looks desperate now.
>"B-but Anonymous. W-we...we were friends, right? Don't friends spare each other? Help each other?"
>Well, was Greyjoy really your friend?
>Or were you gonna think of a cool one liner before you get his ass thrown in jail?
>You gave Greyjoy a shit-eating grin.
"Your ass is glue, fuckhead."
>"No! No please! PLEASE ANONYMOUS!"
"One more thing, Greyjoy. Remove any suggestions you still have on these two."
>"You're going to kill me, what's the point!?"
"Squeeze him a bit more."
>"Agh! Okay, Celestia, you no longer love me, and have no reason to want to marry me. Same to you, Luna. You both remember what I've done to you in the past!"
"Good, good. Alright, Luna and Celestia, you will only remember banishing Greyjoy. You will not know that he will be executed."
>"And how are you going to kill me?"
"There's a spare armory around. I can grab something from there, can't I?"
>You enter the castle, find the spare armory Celestia showed you, and come back with a sword.
"Alright, later Greyjoy. Thanks for teaching me the joys of hypnosis. I'll be sure to use them well."
>"Just do it!"
>You slash through his neck, severing his head.
"Celestia, let go of his body."
>His corpse drops.
"Celestia and Luna, as I said before, you will only remember Greyjoy as being banished. If anyone questions you, send them to me. I'll take care of it. Now Celestia, you go back to your business in the castle and exit your trance. Luna, you go back to sleep and exit your trance when you wake up."
>The sisters follow your orders.
>You take Greyjoy's body and run, making sure no one sees you.
>You hide his body in a dumpster outside.
>For good measure, you rip open a trash bag and stuff it in there, along with his head.
>You toss it back in and dash back to the castle.
>Well, you're sort of a hero.
>Greyjoy probably would've found a way to hypnotize them again and tried to take over the kingdom again.
>So good job, you prevented that.
>But now you've killed someone.
>Ah, you'll still be able to sleep at night, right?
>Yeah, you'd be alright. Greyjoy deserved it.
>So, now that he was gone, what was there to do?
>You had the princesses secretly under your power.
>You had made peace with the chefs.
>You were sure you could fuck around with Second Wind a bit more, too, provided you could find him.
>Choices, choices.
>For one thing, you weren't gonna become Greyjoy 2.0.
>Abusing your powers, while it'd have some funny results, was kind of bad.
>You decided you'd just roam the castle, and deal with anything that you bumped into.
>You went back inside to explore around the places Celestia had shown you.
>And maybe a couple others.
>You'd been strolling along until bumping into someone.
>You weren't really paying attention to where you were walking anyways.
>You rub your chest to numb the pain of hitting someone.
>"Hey...I remember you..."
>You decided to look down at who you hit.
>The head chef.
>"That little scuffle we had put me in the hospital for a couple days. They were worried I'd suffered a concussion."
>He leers at you.
>"Thanks for worrying my family, bub."
>You put your fists up, ready for another round.
"You wanna go again? Bring it."
>He stares at you.
>"I ain't stupid. For your information, your little stunt has convinced me that cookin's too dangerous."
"Wait, dangerous?"
>"Yep. Every day I'm in that kitchen, I'm gettin' bumped n' cut by something. As much as I like all them other chefs, I think I'm throwin' in the apron."
>He moves past you.
>"I was just on my way ta tell Celestia. I hope she ain't too let down."
>He was quitting?
>But who would replace him?
>You decide to follow him, and try to convince him to stay, if just for Celestia.
"Hey, wait up."
>You walk next to him, then match your pace with his.
>"Whaddaya want?"
"If you leave, who's going to take over?"
>"The sous chef, obviously."
"But won't they miss you? I mean, you look a bit young to be quitting something I'm sure you worked hard for."
>"Sorry bub, but my own safety's more important. After all, I can't really cook with 'em if I'm too hurt, right?"
"Well how is it that you keep getting hurt in the kitchen? Seems odd that you're in pain every day, right?"
>"As much as I like them co-chefs, they can be a bit incompetent. They have stuff lying out all around the kitchen even after cleanup. I can't tell ya how many times I've slipped on a frying pan or cut myself on a stray knife."
>That kitchen was in a bit of a bad state, it seemed.
>Shame on them, they're cooking for Celestia!
>They should be more organized.
>"Your challenge yesterday was just the final straw, bub. I ain't even mad at ya. In fact, I'm kinda glad ya did that. Made me realize that I needed ta quit."
>He puts a hoof on your shoulder.
>"So, thanks for that."
"Well, won't the sous chef have the same problem as you, now? You're putting him in the same position as you are."
>Ah, the old guilt trip.
>He stops and thinks.
>"Ah...you're makin' me think, bub. Almost reconsidered there."
>You had him, dammit.
>He continued walking.
"How about Celestia? I'm sure she'll miss you."
>He stops again.
>"You're killin' me, bub. Why do ya want me to stay?"
>He raises an eyebrow at you.
"Because...because I'm sure Celestia liked you! I mean, you made her some great food together with that team, didn't you?"
>He looks down and puts a hoof on his chin.
>"Yeah...she loved all the meals we collaborated on..."
>He looks at you again.
>"But really, bub, I don't think she'll need me that bad. As much as I hate leaving the service of tha Princess, I feel like I gotta do it."
>He sniffs.
>"Shame, too. My daughter loved gettin' ta meet her."
>He keeps walking.
>At this point, you know where he's headed.
>The throne room.
>If you could stop him before he got there, you might be able to convince him to stay.
>You thought to yourself.
>He was constantly hurt in the kitchen, and the cooking team needed some cleaning tips.
>Or some organization ones, too.
>Should you volunteer to be some kind of kitchen-medic?
>No, that'd be ridiculous.
>Plus, you were no medical expert.
>The two of you made it to the throne room.
>Thinkthinkthinkthink...
>Greyjoy rubbed off on you, didn't he?
>Wait, Greyjoy!
>Hypnosis!
>You could hypnotize this guy to stay, right?
>On the other hand, an idea popped up in your head at this moment that you think would convince him to stay.
>You could volunteer to be some kind of health-inspector/side-chef...thing.
>Of course, doing that would require going through Sunbutt, too.
>But you were in her good graces.
>She'd probably be okay with that, right?
 
(I decided to write both outcomes of convincing the chef to stay, since the anons in the thread were pretty divided on what to do. Whichever one is "canon" is up to you, dear reader.)
 
Persuasion:
>Did you learn nothing from this whole ordeal?
"Wait, before you do this, I wanted to say something."
>"Shoot, bub. I've got time."
"Alright, hear me out. What if I volunteered to be like a...a health inspector for the kitchen?"
>He scowls as he considers your request.
>"You just pullin' my leg, bub?"
"No, I'm serious. Hell, I could cook with you, too."
>"Well, I did chat with another guy today who said you made these great danishes you called 'LSD'..."
>You seriously wish those turned out to be drugs.
>Even if they praised your recipe.
>"But I'm not sure I can trust ya."
>He rubbed his head, bringing attention to it.
>"After all, ya did cause this big ol' bump."
>You hadn't noticed before, but he had a swollen spot on his head.
>Your actions have consequences after all.
"I swear you can trust me. No more bullshit."
>He eyes you a little more.
>"Hm...alright...but you'll be on thin ice for the first couple days. Can't completely trust ya right off the bat."
"So you'll stay?"
>He smiles.
>"As long as you keep your end of the bargain, bub."
>He opens the throne room door.
 
Hypnosis:
>You were gonna mindfuck another pony.
>Nah, Greyjoy wasn't rubbing off on you.
>This is for a good cause...kind of.
"Wait, before you do this, I want you to look at me for a second."
>He obliges your request.
>"What is it, bub?"
"All I want you to do is look into my eyes for a second and see how sad you're making me."
>He gives you a confused expression.
>"Uh...what?"
"Just do it for me, please?"
>He curls his lower lip.
>"Okay...?"
>He stares into your deep orbs.
>And is immediately under.
>That was fast.
>That concussion must have done wonders.
>It was time to plant suggestions.
"Alright uh...chef...You don't want to leave the royal kitchen. You want to keep working under Celestia, and instead will be a bit harder on your fellow chefs. After all, they could use some shaping up."
>You considered throwing your idea into his head, too.
>It wouldn't be fair to make him do everything and give nothing back, would it?
"Also, you'll allow me to stay in your kitchen as a health-inspector and side-chef, if needed. You'll tell Celestia about this when you walk in. Now, remember my suggestions, but not this conversation, and return to normal when I snap my fingers."
>You snap.
>His head rises and his eyes open.
>"Ugh, what just happened?"
"You were about to tell Celestia what was on your mind."
>"Right, right. Okay, come on in with me. I'll need ya for this."
>He opens the throne room door.
 
>Celestia sits on her throne, writing on a scroll with a levitating quill.
>The chef bows.
>"Your highness."
>She lowers the scroll and notices the two of you.
>"You may rise."
>He does so.
>"Princess, I came here to ask you of a favor."
>She nods.
>"Feel free to speak your mind."
>"Princess, I actually came here with the notion to resign as head chef..."
>Her face contorts to one of mild surprise.
>"But why would you, Brass Pot?"
>"I'm not. Anymore, at least. I just had a chat with your friend here."
>You wave at the princess.
>"Anonymous?"
"Hey there."
>"He proposed somethin' that made it impossible to say no to leavin', but we needed your approval first."
>She waits for an answer.
>"He asked me if he could become a side chef or health-inspector for the kitchen. You trust him to run around in there?"
>She still remembers what 'food' you made for her the first day.
>If ponies could put their hands on their hips like human women, you're sure that's what Celestia would be doing right now, considering the look she was giving you.
>"And you suggested this to him, Anon?"
"Yes I did. Well, do you trust me?"
>"That's a difficult question, Anon. At least as far as the kitchen's concerned."
>She shifts in her throne.
>"How do I know you won't do anything chaotic?"
>You kick the ground in front of you.
"Honestly, I know you probably can't. But I swear from this point on, it's no more funny business in the kitchen. I won't make you eat something you don't know the contents of again. You have my word."
>You put your hand over your chest and raise your free one.
>Kind of like a boy scout.
"I swear, Celestia."
>Her expression was hard for a moment, but melted away into a caring smile.
>"That's all I needed to hear, Anon."
>She gets off of the throne and walks to you and Brass Pot.
>She puts a hoof on your shoulder.
>"From this point on, you shall take the role of health and safety inspector in the castle kitchen, as well as the occasional side chef, Anon. If you wish, I will provide you lodging in the castle. If so, you may return home to pack any of your belongings. If not," she smiles, "no harm done."
>It was a good offer, but did you really want to live in the castle from now on?
>Your first home in Equestria still held some kind of value to you.
>But you could also move into a goddamn castle.
>Whatever you wanted.
"I'll stay here with you, Princess."
>She takes her hoof off of you.
>"Good to hear, Anon. I will let you return home and pack, as well as finish any other business you may need to tend to. Your first inspection will be tomorrow night."
>She opens a portal to your home.
>You go through, familiarizing yourself with the place you haven't been in for three days.
>Before Celestia closes the portal, she speaks to you again.
>"I will have a chariot waiting for you first thing in the morning, Anon. I hope you'll be ready by then."
>She winks at you, then makes the portal disappear.
>You gather your things, eat dinner, then go to bed, the process of these actions taking about five hours.
>You had a few choice things to bring, after all.
 
>You wake up.
>Your vision is blinded by the sun's rays shining down on you.
>You block your eyes with your hand, and pull the covers off of you.
>You get out, your bare feet touching the carpet.
>There's a knock at your door.
>"Is this the residence of Anonymous?"
>The voice is authoritative.
>Oh shit, what did you do last night to piss off the cops?
>You take a look around your room and notice the bags.
>And then it hits you.
>It was the chariot Celestia promised to send.
>You rushed to get dressed and grab your things, speed-walking out of your bedroom.
>"I will repeat myself: Is this the residence of Anonymous?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm here."
>You open the front door to meet the looks of guards.
>They look at you sternly.
>"You kept us waiting for a long time."
>You walk past them, and onto the chariot they're strapped to.
"It couldn't have been that long," you wager.
>One of them glances behind his shoulder to look at you.
>"We sat out here for over two hours, Anonymous. The only reason we did not leave is because Princess Celestia insisted we wait for you to wake up."
>The other one humphs.
>"I suppose she showed foresight. Maybe she knew he slept like a log?"
>You ignore the insults as they begin to take off, raising you into the air and taking you to the castle.
>The ride is a quick one, and you're there within a couple minutes.
>You land perfectly on the castle grounds.
"Thanks for waiting, guys," you somewhat apologize as you hop off the chariot.
>"Princess Celestia is expecting you to meet her in the kitchen, Anonymous," one of them tells you, "I'd suggest you head there."
>They unhitch themselves and leave you on your own.
>You walk through the halls of the castle, having become acquainted with them well over the past couple days.
>Somehow, this place always felt more like home than your old place, anyways.
>You arrive in the dining room, where you find Brass Pot sitting at the double doors of the kitchen.
>He greets you.
>"'Ey bub. 'Bout time you showed up. The princess is waitin' for us in the kitchen. Let's not keep her."
>He opens one of the double doors, and you follow.
>The sun princess notices your entrance, and smiles at you.
>"Anon, nice to see you again. I hope my guards weren't too much trouble."
>You wave your hand reassuringly.
"They weren't anything I couldn't handle."
>She nods.
>"Very well. Now, Brass Pot, I called you here because I wanted you to show Anonymous any trouble spots he should look out for tonight when he does his inspection. Dinner is the busiest time in the kitchen, after all."
>She turns her head to you.
>A magically levitated clipboard and quill go to you.
>"And Anonymous, you will use this to note any problems you find in the kitchen. You will come into the kitchen three times and check for problems: the first time will be as the food is being prepared. The second will be during the cleanup process. The third will be after the chefs have left for the night."
>She pauses to take a breath.
>"Am I understood, you two?"
>"I gotcha, Princess."
"Ditto."
>She looks pleased.
>"Good. I'll leave you two to it, then."
>She exits the kitchen, as Brass Pot walks over to a certain part of the kitchen.
>"Alright, the first part of tha kitchen that's real problematic is here..."
>He walked you through the trouble areas of the kitchen that morning, and you listened.
>You made sure to remember where the chefs had trouble organizing and cleaning up.
>You'd be back tonight to take notes.
 
>The day went by, and before you knew it, you were back in the kitchen again, checking around for issues.
>Your quill moved around the paper as you wrote down the mistakes of the chefs while they worked.
>Not that the list was long.
>Even if they were troubled, the guys were still pros.
>There was a spill or two, which were immediately cleaned up.
>Once dinner was finished, you reported your findings to Brass Pot.
>He listened as you listed the few mess ups you found, but wasn't too startled by the results.
>Once you were finished, you went out to the dining room to eat with the royal sisters.
>There was small talk held, but it was cut shorter than you hoped by Brass Pot, who told you that the clean up had begun.
>You bid the princesses farewell, and went back to the kitchen.
>It was about the same process as before, as you took a couple notes during the process.
>Once the chefs were done, they packed their things for the night and headed off.
>You waved Brass Pot and your colleagues off as you stayed behind to check the kitchen.
>This time, your list size doubled.
>There were pots left out, knives upturned, still dirty dishes, the works.
>These guys probably rushed to get home.
>You'd be sure to address that tomorrow.
>Now that your job was done, you figured it'd be time to retire.
>But not quite yet.
>You wanted to show your gratitude to Celestia for being good to you.
>Making sure no one was left in the kitchen, you started work on your own creation.
>A basic cake, nothing too fancy.
>You mixed the ingredients, poured it in a pan, and put it in the oven.
>Once it finished baking, you took it out and frosted it.
>Chocolate icing, her favorite.
>You took a clean knife, and sliced it into several pieces.
>Once you finished your work, you set it on a plate and headed off to Celestia's quarters.
>You hoped she was still awake, considering she usually went to bed a little after dinner.
>You were met with the stares of the two guards that gave you the ride here.
>After a bit of convincing, they let you in, as they figured you weren't a threat.
>Plus, Celestia was surprisingly awake.
>You found her reading by the fireplace.
>She takes a quick look at you, then the cake.
>"Hello, Anon. What do you have there?"
>She smirks.
"Just...a token of my appreciation."
>She opens a wing, inviting you to come closer.
>You walk over and sit next to her as she closes her wing.
>"So, I trust you didn't put anything unpleasant in this?" she asks in a calm, joking manner.
"It's safe, princess. I guarantee it."
>She levitates a slice and takes a bite.
>"Mm, delicious. Are you sure you don't want to be a regular chef?"
>You rub her back, like she enjoyed.
"I think a safety inspector's fine. Besides, that means I get to see you more often."
>She chuckles at your response.
>"You flatter me."
>She levitates a slice for you.
>You didn't bring any plates, but that was fine, you liked eating cake with your hands anyways.
>You munched on your creation, enjoying the flavor.
>You could see why Celestia liked it.
"So, how were you able to put up with me, Celestia?"
>The white alicorn swallows her bite before she speaks, a smile on her face.
>"Because, Anon, I knew you were sweet on the inside. At the risk of sounding a bit cliche, as sweet as this cake you made for me. Patience pays off, and I see I was right in waiting for you to come around."
>She finishes the cake with one more bite.
"Oh, well, thanks for putting your faith in me."
>Your back rubbing soothes her, and she lays her head on the pillow she's sitting on.
>"It was my pleasure, Anon. It's good to make a new friend, even when you least expect it."
>She yawns, then chuckles.
>"I was supposed to be asleep an hour ago. I suppose it's catching up with me."
>She relaxes on the pillow, and strips herself of her regalia with her magic.
>It slowly floats onto a vanity mirror in the corner of the room.
>She falls asleep as you continue your petting, her breathing becoming slower and her eyes shutting.
>It's not long before you feel drowsy, the warmth of the fireplace getting to you.
>You lay your head on top of her back, getting as comfortable as you could on her floor.
>Not that it was difficult, considering her floor was soft.
>Her body is cozy and warm, as you would expect for the sun princess.
>You would never regret accepting that invite for lunch with her, if it led to this.
>You fall asleep, hoping this peaceful moment with Celestia could last forever.
 
>The next morning, you awake to find yourself alone on the cushy pillow.
>Celestia has likely gone off to her duties, leaving you alone in her room.
>You sit up and scratch your head, before you notice something sitting at your feet.
>It's a small cake on a serving dish, cut neatly in half.
>A fork and a note sit on the dish's side.
>You lean over and grab the plate, before taking the note in your hands and reading it, the letters having been written in fancy cursive.
>"Cooking's not my forte, but I had to thank you for that cake somehow. Hope you enjoy! :) -C"
>You fold up the note and place it in your pocket.
>Grabbing the fork next to the cake, you pick a portion off the plate and eat.
>The cake was dry, and the frosting was runny.
>But it was the thought that counted.
>You took every bite with a smile on your face.