>"Anonymous, I need you to do me a favor."
"Yeah? What is it, Celestia?"
>She put the book she had been reading into one of the library shelves to address you.
>"There have been numerous reports of guards stealing extra rations from the mess hall. I need you to search the barracks for me to see if this is true."
"That's all? Snooping around is one of my favorite things to do, princess."
>"Which is exactly why I asked you to do this," she finished with a wink.
>She knows you so well.
"Consider it done."
>"Thank you."
>She left and went back through the several rows of bookshelves, trying to find another book.
 
>As night came, you made your way over to the barracks.
>Sneaking around wouldn't be an issue until you actually got to the guard's lockers, so you went about as casually as you could.
>Whenever a guard found you and asked about your intent for being up so late, you would simply remark that "there was princess business to be done."
>Their confused reactions allowed you to pass by without further questioning.
>Once you reached the barracks, you made sure to enter the section for Celestia's guards, as Luna's had their own quarters.
>The sleeping guards were easy to sneak past.
>Funny, when they were awake, they were so alert of everything, but when they slept, you couldn't wake them up with an air horn.
>Must be their constant use of energy.
>Having been in these barracks before, you knew where to go to reach the lockers.
>Past the bedroom, around the recreational hall, and...
>Boom, the locker room.
>There were TONS of lockers to look through.
>Good thing snooping was your specialty, otherwise you'd have no patience to do this.
>The first locker was opened swiftly and with grace.
>Then its contents were rummaged through with the fervor of a caffeine-hyped Pinkie Pie.
>Pictures of family, sharpening stone, polish, nothing out of the ordinary.
>Next.
>The second locker opened, and inside was nothing but books.
>There were titles of "How to Properly Act as a Guard", "Proper Royalty Etiquette: Guard Edition", and "Duty to Equestria: The Royal Guard and You."
>Looking past the books and moving them around yields only more books.
>What a boring individual.
>You close the locker and opt to open up the next one.
>This one was completely empty, save for a spare helmet.
>Nothing important.
>Your journey of searching lockers lasted a good half hour as you looked through these guards' lockers for some kind of evidence of stolen rations.
>As you opened what was likely your two-hundredth locker, you were greeted by a poster of a sultry-looking mare leaning on a spear dug into the ground, her ass facing the viewer.
>The text under the picture read "Go Get 'em, Boys!"
>You may have to steal that.
>Digging through the junk in the locker yields a map of the castle, a paper with patrol schedules, and a journal with the name "B. Sky" written on it.
>Must be a newbie.
>As you had been doing for the last several lockers, you closed this one and moved on to the next.
>Opening up this one FINALLY gave you results.
>There on the top shelf was aluminum foil wrapped around a square shape.
>You grab the suspicious item and unwrap the thing, finding a few cookies and a hay sandwich inside.
>These were served at lunch today.
>Considering this kind of food couldn't be kept back here, it was undeniable proof that this was stolen food.
>Pat yourself on the back, Anon.
>The celebration you held for yourself in your head was short lived as a piece of paper fell from under the foil.
>What was this?
>You knelt down to pick up the loose sheet, and found it had writing on it.
>"Here's your payment for those pictures, Sharpshooter. We may not be able to touch the princess, but we can certainly look, can't we? -Golden Crest."
>Pictures?
>Princess?
>Payment?
>This was something to investigate.
>Closing the current locker, you try to find any with the name "Sharpshooter" plastered on the front.
>It took a grand total of two minutes.
>When ponies all had completely different names, identifying a specific one wasn't hard.
>You open the locker, finding a huge collection of aluminum foil-wrapped foods on the top shelf.
>At the bottom of the locker are piles upon piles of pictures, with a camera neatly set on top.
>You grab the camera and set it aside, then grab a handful of pictures.
>The first one is of Celestia lounging on a couch in a position that showed off her belly and flexibility.
>In other words, kind of sexy.
>The next picture is Celestia on the same couch, this time the camera closed in on her belly, giving a detailed look at her body.
>How did this guy get these pictures?
>The third picture showed Celestia still on the couch, except this time her back was arched out and her flanks were in the air.
>Predictably, the picture after that was a full shot of her ass and nothing but.
>Damn, you were getting turned on.
>Alas, you were on a mission, though.
>You'd be sure to tell Celestia about this, but not before taking some of the photos for yourself.
>Stashing some of the best pictures in your pocket, you close the locker and head back to your room, easily passing the sleeping guards yet again.
>Mystery solved: The guards here were just really horny for Celestia.
>You wondered if Luna's guards felt the same way about her.
>Did these guards just work under whatever princess they found sexy?
>It'd be weird to think all the guards were crushing on a princess.
>Cadance's guards must be miserable if that's the case.
>Getting back to your room, you slip into bed with this information in mind, your last thought being whether or not Flash Sentry would become Twilight's guard for that reason.
 
>"O-oh my."
>Celestia flipped through a few of the pictures she found in Sharpshooter's locker, blushing.
>For your efforts, Celestia rewarded you with a couple bits and a royal thank you.
>Not much but it's the thought that counts.
>Besides, you saved some of those pictures, so if anything, Celestia's rewards were a bonus.
>"I'm still having trouble thinking one of my guards were somehow able to get these without my knowledge."
"If I'm being blunt, the guy who did this was a genius. He got himself a ton of free food just by taking pictures."
>Celestia didn't dignify your statement with a response, instead looking through more of the pictures.
>"Some of these are mildly disturbing."
"You gotta wonder if Luna's guards have the same deal going on."
>The sun princess looks at you with a raised eyebrow, then says, "Anonymous, can you do me another favor?"
"Sure can, princess. Sure can."