>You are falling.
>You let out a loud shriek as you fall what feels like nearly ten feet.
>You're back smashes onto the surface of water with a loud 'SMACK'
>You would swear but you are having trouble breathing underwater.
>Holy shit this water is cold, and your back hurts.
>You scramble out of the water and onto what appears to be a riverbank in the middle of the woods.
What the fuck?
>Were you kidnapped or something? You look up to what you might have fallen from, but you see nothing but blue sky, and a very low cloud layer.
>You are abruptly aware of your own nakedness. You remember falling asleep in the nude. At least the sun is pleasantly warm.
>You get to your feet and look around. Yup, its a forest. That isn't good. Last you remember you were at least a few hours drive from any forests.
>A twinge of fear sets in as you realize you must be hundreds of miles from home, naked, in the middle of a forest.
Fuck.
>You struggle to clear your head, attempting to keep panic from setting in. You need to figure out where you are.
>You can see mountains in the distance in either direction along the river, but other than that the trees prevent you from seeing too far.
Right. Okay. Priorities. High ground.
>You suppose you could wander into the woods to try and find a hill or something so you can see, but you decide to play it safe and stay near the river.
>You bend over and scoop a bit of water out of the river and bring it to your mouth. It's fresh water, and clean too. One problem solved. You figure that there could probably be some fish in the water too, if you could figure out how to catch them.
>Oddly enough instead of worrying about food, shelter, or other important things like how the fuck you got out there in the first place, you find yourself thinking about how much it's going to suck to walk around without shoes.
>You make your way along the bank, heading towards one of the mountains in the distance, hoping to find a bridge or road or something along the way.
>As the sun gets to the midpoint in the sky, you start worrying about more basic things than figuring out where you are.
>You find yourself a suitably strong stick and make what could barely be called a knife by smashing a rock with another rock and picking up one of the sharper shards.
>You begin attempting to fashion a spear from the stick by sharpening it with the shard.
>This fails miserably.
>After an hour of pointless whittling, you give up and simply smash the stick's tip off, making it split itself in such a way that it has a wicked point.
>It's late afternoon now, and you're getting hungry.
>You decide to attempt fishing.
>You find a shallow offshoot of the river, and can see several meal sized fish just under the water.
>Trying to stab them with your spear is not going very well.
>A couple hours later your frantic stabbing and splashing causes a fish to throw itself out of the water and onto the rocks.
>Works for you.
>This technique works a second time, and you now have two juicy fish in your possession.
>This fact fills you with an immense pleasure for some reason, and you restrain what must be vestiges of your inner apes desire to celebrate.
>Time to put your caveman skills to the test.
>You find some dry kindling and a few sticks, and spend the next several hours rubbing them together in an attempt to make fire.
>Miraculously, you actually succeed. You now have a small fire burning in front of you, and you happily gut the two fish with your rock knife and set them to cook.
>A great feeling of pride overwhelms you. You woke up this morning buck ass naked with nothing, and now you have tools, a weapon, a fire, and food. You are a true man.
>You are also sunburned, but you don't fucking care because you are so awesome.
>Half burnt half raw fish has never tasted so good. This will be a pretty kick-ass story to tell your friends when you get home.
>If you get home.
>You crouch next to your fire, unwilling to sit your sensitive ass on the pine needle carpet of the forest floor, and begin eating your second roasted fish. The sun is setting behind the still distant mountains.
>Halfway through the meal, you hear a rustle in the woods behind you. It's the first animal sound you've heard all day aside from birds.
>You consider investigating, but you're still hungry, and it's probably just a squirrel or something.
>You take a particularly large bite of the fish, tearing the chunk of flesh away with great relish, savoring the flavor. Absently you turn your head towards the woods.
>You stop chewing as you see what appears to be a white horse, a very small horse, staring back at you.
>It turns, and runs.
>A primal urge to chase it overtakes you.
>You grab your spear and sprint into the woods after your prey.
>If you had stopped to think about this decision for a second, you would have realized how ridiculous it was.
>Instead you decide to scream like a wild man as the thrill of the hunt fills you.
>For a moment you think you can hear it scream too, but you ignore that absurd notion.
>After a brief chase through the darkening forest, you come to a clearing. At first you think nothing of it, but at second glance you see there are buildings here. Cabins and the like, and for a moment you are filled with overwhelming relief at having found civilization.
>You do a double take.
>You stop screaming and come to a stop, just staring.
>This village appears to be inhabited entirely by ponies. Some of them are even wearing clothing.
What the flying fu-
>Something smashes against your head.
>You decide now is a good time for a nap.
 
>You wake up, and its bright again, but your vision is blurred.
>You try to get to a more comfortable position, and immediately regret it.
>You are REALLY sunburned.
Ow.
>You realize you are tied up, sort of. There is a rope around your neck and waist that secure you to what looks like a wooden post.
>That's pretty odd.
>You recall the day before, but you lose track of what happened after you chased the pony into the woods. You seem to seem to remember that it was important.
>Observing your surroundings, you appear to be outside a large wooden building on what appears to be a farm of some kind.
>Obviously the inhabitants are not entirely friendly to you, but you suspect this is probably a better situation than you were in yesterday.
>At least you don't think you have to worry about imminent starvation anymore.
>Gingerly, you begin working at the knots on the rope binding your neck, wincing at the pain in your reddened skin.
>It takes you a few minutes, but you manage to undo the knots and free your neck.
>As you start at the ones around your stomach, you notice movement.
>Its another one of those pony things, and only now do you realize how strange it looks. You've never seen a green pony before, and what is that symbol on its flank? Maybe its owner is into the whole animal dress up thing.
>Still, its weird that they would let it wander free like that.
>Suddenly, the pony notices you, and begins staring.
>You raise a hand and wave stupidly.
>Its eyes widen in alarm, and it gallops off somewhere.
Well, that was weird.
>Your throat feels raw, you wish you had some water.
>You shrug and examine the rope around your waist again.
>Whoever tied you here really did not think this through.
>You wriggle your way out of the rope, slipping it over your legs.
>You get to your feet and stretch, ignoring the pain. You really wish you had some clothes.
>There is suddenly another rope around you.
What the?
>The rope tightens around you, pinning your arms to your sides and pulls, and you are surprised enough to lose your balance. You fall on your ass, which hurts.
>Swear words occur.
>You realize that you have been lassoed which strikes you as very strange. Who the fuck uses a lasso?
>Deciding to find out, your eyes follow the rope to its owner.
>It is a small greyish male pony, holding the end of the rope in its mouth. It appears to be glaring at you.
>At least, you think it's male.
>You just stare at it, not really sure how to process this information. You figure you've probably said "What the fuck?" too many times these past couple days.
>The green pony you saw earlier approaches. It smiles smugly at you.
>How are these things making such expressive faces? And what the fuck is she smiling at?
Congratulations, you captured the naked man. You want a prize?
>The two creatures stare at you, apparently shocked.
What?
>You crook and eyebrow at them.
>They begin chattering to each other in what is definitely a language, Latin based as far as you can tell.
>This is getting way too weird for your tastes. With a jerking motion, you pull the rope from the male ones mouth.
>It lets out a small cry.
>You wriggle out of the ropes and get to your feet. You are much taller than these little things, you must have been quite the sight.
>They back away from you cautiously.
Seriously, what is going on here?
>You point at them.
You are ponies, you should not be intelligent enough to learn to lasso, let alone speak.
>You pause for a moment.
I don't appreciate being tied up by the way.
>It's pretty obvious that they don't understand you, but you try anyway.
And furthermore, where am I? And how did I get here?
>You look around you and gesture with your hands to try to translate your point.
>They don't take the hint, and continue to stare at you in silence.
>You sigh and point to yourself.
Anon.
>You point at the grey pony who lassoed you and tilt your head expectantly.
>He lifts a hoof and points at you. "Anon"
>You nod your head emphatically, and point at him again.
>He gestures to himself and says "Malus".
>You grin, progress.
Malus.
>They seem to get the idea now, and the green one points to herself and says "Rosaceae".
>You quirk an eyebrow at that one.
>She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "Rosa"
>That was easier.
Rosa.
>The two ponies smile and look at each other.
>You smile too and take a step towards them.
>They immediately back away and go on the defensive.
Woah!
>You raise your hands in a gesture of placation.
>They seem to relax a bit.
>You take another small step forward, keeping your hands displayed.
>They don't retreat, but watch you warily.
>You manage to get close enough for reasonable conversation, and you crouch down so you are at eye level with them.
>You have something very important to ask them.
Can I please have some clothes?