"Sir, not that I mind the nice change of scenery, but why exactly are we in the grand Canterlot library? Aren't we supposed to be going to the griffons sky city?"
"Those are the key words Mr.Skittles, -Sky City-. It rests on the clouds. Now I'm sure the clouds would easily support your small feminine frame, but they would be crushed or outright obliterated if I tried to stand on one. Look at me, do you think there's a cloud alive that could hold this?"
"Please stop flexing."
>"Hello there big creature. Are you looking for something in particular?"
"I was looking for a book on works of art but I see there is no need now."
>"Oh my..."
"Ignore the General, we're looking for a way to travel to the griffons sky city safely."
>"Well, it sounds to me like you two just need some unicorn magic. Either that or some enchanted items. I'd look in the general store-"
"Where are you going sir?"
"Can you believe it Mr.Skittles? Only a few weeks here and they already named a store after me!"
"I don't think that's quite right sir..."
"Neither is your lifestyle Mr.Skittles but you don't see me yammering on about it."
 
 
>Ting
"Ugh... what is that smell?"
"Thats the smell of adventure Mr.Skittles. And possibly mold."
"Look at all this junk, I could comb through this place for a week before I find anything useful"
>"Things in this place are more then they seem Mr.Skittles"
"Gah holyshit!"
"Sneaky little horse isn't he?"
"How did you know my name?"
>"I know many things, I also know it is not truly your name."
"Very impressive, do you also do card tricks?"
"..."
>"...I also know why you two are here. You seek a way to travel to the sky city of the griffons."
"That's amazing"
"Skittles you are far too easily impressed. Now if he could saw something in half without killing it, that would be amazing."
"So do you have what we need?"
>"Not that humans can use, no, but I can enchant some new items for you that will allow you to walk on clouds without fear of plummeting to your deaths."
"Perfect! Here, enchant this ring, Skittles, give the magical horse your glasses. Wheres your bathroom?"
 
"So... all that before, with knowing my name and why we are here, that wasn't a trick was it?"
>"No, Mr.Skittles. I have been born with a gift, a gift of sight. I can see what others can not, and I can peer into the very souls of living creatures."
"Really? So... what do you see in me?"
>"A curious question for a man of science to ask. Ah but you are more then a man of science aren't you Mr.Skittles? A man of belief, a man of hope, and deeper still a man who does truly yearn for adventure. This is why you stand by the Generals side."
"..."
>"Of course, my vision is not perfect, sometimes I see what is not there, and other times I do not see the whole picture, but for the most part I see enough to know. Your glasses are done, you may feel lighter when wearing them."
"Thank you, so... what can you tell me about the General?"
>"You wish to know more about your friend?"
"He isn't my fr-"
>"Yes he is. At least he believes you are. There is very little that can be said about the General that he doesn't say himself. He is head strong, brash, over sexed and somewhat unthinking in his actions."
"Well, that told me fuck all."
>"He also holds a deep sadness inside of him Mr.Skittles. Behind all the bravado and the testosterone is a man who knows what pain is. True pain...."
>SLAM
"Ahh, the food in this world does not agree with me Mr.Skittles."
"You shouldn't slam doors sir."
"You call that slamming Mr.Skittles? Take me to your mother and ill show you what real slamming is. Is my ring done?"
>"It is. I wish you both luck on your journey."
"Thank you magic Mike. Lets go skittles, we have a lot of ground to cover if we want to get to the sky city in less then a week."
 
 
"Skittles, wake up!"
>WUMP
"Guh... muh stomach..."
"I have great news. As it turns out we won't have to walk all the way to the sky city's location. Apparently the ponies have unlocked the secrets of recreational air travel. The blimp leaves in two days time."
"If it leaves in two days why did you wake my up in the middle of the night to tell me? Couldn't this have waited until the morning?"
"You always need to find a reason to complain don't you Skittles? Here I am, giving you this great news, and all you can do is whine about it."
"Sir, please, I just want to sleep."
"Speaking of sleep, have you been getting visions of the queen horses sister prancing through your dreams?"
"...No?"
"Hmm, interesting. See you in the morning Skittles!"
>SLAM
"sigh..."
 
>Brrrrrr
>Click
>"Uhhhhhhh fillies and gentlecolts, this is your captain speaking uhhhh please prepare yourself for lift off. Uhhhhh eta to Cloudopolis is 6 hours uhhh once we have reached cruising altitude please feel free to move around and enjoy the uhhhhh complimentary meals."
>CLICK
"Six hours? Well, that's better then hiking for a few days."
"Here you go Skittles, this should keep you occupied while I'm gone"
"Where are you going sir?"
"To sample the complimentary meals of course!"
"...You don't mean the food do you?"
"You're learning."
"This is a book on fine art! How did you know I liked-"
"A lucky guess. Now if you will excuse me I do believe that plump little dumpling of a mare is looking my way."
 
"Finally, that flight felt like it took forever"
"I'm going to write a strongly worded letter about their negative attitude."
"Sir, you caused structural damage to the blimps supply room..."
"What can I say Mr.Skittles? That little lady was a feisty one."
"My god this place is massive. How do these clouds support these structures..."
"Magic Mr.Skittles, the answer is always magic"
"Well, now where do we go?"
"According to this brochure , the ruler of the griffons resides in the grand hall at the center of the town."
"A grand hall huh? That sounds impressive, i'd like to see that-"
"The rulers sister is quite the piece of work Mr.Skittles."
"Sir, can't we ever take a moment to do something not related to your sexual conquest?"
"That sounds incredibly pointless Mr.Skittles, but i'll bite, what do you want to do?"
"I don't know sir. See the sights? Visit a museum or partake in the local cuisine, really get a taste of what the locals have to offer!"
"Getting a taste of the locals precisely what I plan to do."
"Sigh..."
"Very well Mr.Skittles, I suppose at the very least we can grab something to eat before we go to the grand hall."
"Really?"
"If only to calm your inflamed ovaries. Get a move on , we don't have all day."
 
"This looks more empty then I thought it would be."
"Less weight, less magic needed to hold it up. Besides, I think having things in here would obstruct a griffons ability to fly around freely"
"Very observant Mr.Skittles."
>"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but the grand hall is closed to the public during these hours..."
"Do you not know who I am? I'm the god dam General!"
>"...I'm sorry?"
"I single handedly turned away nearly a hundred changlings from invading Canterlot! I'm an honorary Minotaur, look at all these badges!"
>"S-sir please, I'm just doing my job.."
"Your job is going to go from guard to professional my boot out of your ass removal service in about five seconds."
>"What on earth is going on down here?"
>"Ahh, Sir Windbend, this... creature called The General is trying to enter the halls and I-"
>"The General? The human from Canterlot? -You're- the General?"
"Problem?"
>"I expected something more impressive. Well, I suppose It would be fine if I allowed someone of your stature to visit my grand hall. You, worker, give these men a tour of the hall."
>"Yes sir..."
>WOOSH
"I don't think I care for that mans tone."
"For once I agree with you sir."
 
>"...And that concludes the end of our tour, I hope you enjoyed it and... hey, where did the other one go?"
"Huh? Oh god dammit, where did you go Anonymous?"
>"Y-you there! Halt!"
"Oh no, whats happening?"
>"Come with me to the main hall."
"Please tell me this doesn't have anything to do with the General"
>"The large human? Yes, yes it does very much."
"Oh for fucks sake..."
 
"There you are sir! What is going on? Where are your cloths?"
>"My bedroom floor~"
>"Hold your tongue sister!"
"Hey, that's my line."
>"You silence as well! How -dare- you speak to me so casually after what you did!"
"Whats going on here? What did the General do?"
>"That...that ANIMAL violated my dear sweet innocent sister!"
>"Yes he did~"
>"I said quiet! Silence! And for you, General, you stay right there while I think of a proper punishment for you."
"Whats the matter Bendover? Do you feel left out? Skittles, give this man some fine loving."
"Sir... please...for the love of god."
>"Dungeon! Throw them both in the dungeon!"
 
"Huff.. guh.. lungs... collapsing.."
"Keep up Skittles!"
"Sir... this place is a maze... we can't run forever"
"Not with that attitude we can't. I blame you for this by the way."
"I wasn't the one who fucked the lords sister!"
"True, but if you would have just listened to me and satisfied the lords uptight ass we wouldn't be running right now would we? Of all the times you suddenly decide to not crave dick..."
"....huff... FUCK you sir."
"Hah! About god dam time Mr.Skittles."
"Shit! Its a dead end! What are you doing?!"
"A dead end is just another way to say unfinished door!"
>CRASH
"Oh yeah!"
"Holy shit sir!"
"Keep running Skittles! Over here!"
"Now what sir? Another blimp isn't going to be leaving this city for another few hours!"
"Do you trust me Mr.Skittles?"
"No."
"Shame. Yoink"
"My glasses! Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit"
>paf
"Ugh...what the.... what the hell is this?"
>PAF
"This, would be a flying carpet Mr.Skittles, or as I like to call it, my escape plan. Heres your glasses"
"When the hell did you-"
"While you were eating I decided to have a look around for myself. It cost every bit I had on me and some rigorous sexual favors but it was worth it. Now lets get the hell out of here Mr.Skittles."
 
>Whooooosh
"That was a close one eh Skittles?"
"Too close Sir, I didn't think we would make it out of there"
"As I have said before, you need to have more faith in me."
"Yeah well, its hard to have faith in the guy who's always getting you into shit"
"Wouldn't want to make it too easy on you."
"Right, well, whats next?"
"Huh, I was too busy planing our escape to think about it. How about you decide our next destination Mr.Skittles?"
"Really sir?"
"Well, it beats having you stand around with your thumb up your ass. Or does it? I don't want to know what you're into Mr.Skittles, you sick bastard."
"I hate you sir..."
 
>And so, having avoided certain doom at the hands of an uppity pompous asshole, and checking griffons off his list, the General and Mr.Skittles fly off in search of a new adventure.
>Where will they end up next? What sights will be seen? What battles will be fought? What women will be loved?
>Find out on our next episode of...
>"The kickass adventures of The General (and Skittles)