"Jesus christ its freezing out here.."
"Ill say Mr.skittles. It is a bit chilly in there mountains isn't it? Look how hard and perky my nipples are!"
"Sir, please put on a shirt."
"Don't make it gay Mr.Skittles."
"Why are we even up here sir?"
"Some reliable sources tell me that the minotaur homeland is somewhere in these mountains. We're going to find them."
"For what?"
"From what I understand, minotaurs do little more then fight, fuck, lift things, or all three at the same time. Its like they're my own people."
"Uh-huh, yeah, okay."
"Don't worry Mr.Skittles, when we're done with the minotaurs we can find your kindred spirit creature. Although I'm not sure were we would be able to find a bunch of homosexual negative nancy rabbit people at."
 
"We've made it!"
"Sir, one of the minotaurs is approaching us."
"I have eyes Mr.Skittles."
>"I am Hydraulic Rex, who are you and why have you come to our village?"
"Oh my god.."
"Settle down Skittles. Good evening Hydro Sex, I am General Anonymous, and I have come to wrestle your men and love your women. Skittles here has come to do the opposite."
>"You dare challenge a minotaur to a contest of strength? You are either very brave or very stupid."
"Either works fine for me, now take me to your strongest so that I may prove myself"
"Oh this ought to be good."
"Quit mumbling Mr.Skittles."
 
"Now just watch me Mr.Skittles. Ill show you how a man subdues something twice his size and makes it his bitch. But first I need to wrestle this minotaur."
"As much as I would love to see you get mauled, my moral compass is telling me to stop you. If you try to fight it, you're going to get hurt."
"Nice impersonation of my mother Mr.Skittles. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine, after all, I'm the god dam General"
"What the hell is that?"
"It's oil Mr.Skittles. Olive oil, enough to turn me into a slick butter man ball. No homo."
"-Thats- your ace for this fight? To slather yourself in oil?"
"Your lack of faith in me is sickening Mr.Skittles. To the fight I go! Glory shall be mine!"
 
>"In this corner we have the 5 time wrestle champion of the north, Pectoral Explosion!"
>cheers n shit
>"And in this corner, we have some small, greasy-"
"Oil! You uncultured fu-"
>"-Hairless monkey creature!"
>Boos
>"Begin the match!"
"Come get your whistle fucked!"
>POW
>"Holy titans that little guy can move!"
>WHAM
>"For the love of muscles, grab him!"
>"I can't! Hes too quick, oily and sassy!"
>WHACK, POW
"Kidney shot! Kidney shot!"
>"Help!"
"You're already dead!"
>CRACK
>"MY LEG!"
"WRYYYYYYYYY!"
"Jesus christ..."
 
"That was enjoyable."
"Sir, you broke the mintaurs... well, everything. You do realize they're probably going to be pissed about all this."
>"Hey! You!"
"Uh-oh..."
"Hello there my massive friend! Did you enjoy the fight?"
>"You bet your greasy ass I did! I've never seen anyone put a wooping like that on old Pectoral. I'd like you to meet my sister, Hulgantic."
>"Hello"
"Big..."
"Skittles, stop being rude. Please excuse him, large women intimidate him, I blame his wife."
>"You fight good. Much strong."
"Why thank you, Its always nice to get a compliment, especially from someone as...hm, skittles, whats a word for large and beautiful?"
>"You think me pretty?"
"Hulgantic, the gods themselves must have chiseled you out of the most beautiful mountain in the land!"
>"I like words, come to tent, say more words."
"Shouldn't I go wash up first?"
>"You are sweaty and covered in oil, make things easier, come."
"Don't wait up Mr.Skittles, I go to plant the seed of experience in unknown soil!"
"I think I'm going to be sick.."
 
>"Ah, you're the one called Skittles right?"
"Its not my real... fuck it, yeah I'm skittles."
>"Wheres your friend?"
"My -friend- is with the giant named Hulgantic"
>"Hah! Crazy little bastard, Hulgantic ain't something to take lightly. That girl could crush a boulder between her thighs."
"Heh... Yeah, thats the General for you."
>"You okay there?"
"Eh, I've been better. I get dragged to this place with him, and since then its been non-stop chaos and idiocy. We get thrown in a dungeon, we fight off a horde of changlings, he bangs royalty and then drags me up here to this freezing place just to fight and screw."
>"..And you stick with him because?"
"Because he's my General, and like it or not I have a duty to be at his side, no matter what he gets us into."
>"Thats pretty honorable."
"Or stupid, I just hope he doesn't get us killed."
"Skittles!"
"Oh, there you are. Finished already? Where are your pants?"
"Irrelevant, you may want to find yourself some shelter for the night, Hulgantic is a challenge that promises to keep me up until the wee hours of the morning."
>"I'm surprised you aren't dead to be honest."
"Whos this? Did you find someone to keep you company Mr.Skittles? You sly shit, I didnt think you had it in you!"
"Sir.."
"Don't let me interrupt, you have your fun. Ill see you in the morning! Oh Helgantic~!"
 
>And so ends our tale for today.
>The General, after fighting Pectoral explosion and exploring Hulgantics stacked body was declared an honorary member of the Minotaur Village.
>It wasn't a total let down for Mr.Skittles, who discovered the minotaurs expertise in fine cooking.
>Now, with minotaur checked off his list, the General sets his sights on the magnificent sky city of the Griffons.
>What adventures await our heros in this new exotic land?
>Find out on our next episode of...
>"The sweet kickass adventures of General Anonymous (and skittles)"