>It was all too late when you noticed her sitting there, her body underneath the shade of the great oak that sat atop the hill.
>She didn't even turn when she said your name.
>"Anonymous?"
>Footsteps. Human footsteps.
>You stood there silently, before choosing to approach her cautiously.
>What could she be doing all the way out here?
>Standing at her side, you respond with a quiet reply.
"Yes, Rainbow Dash."
>It's uncomfortable here.
>"Describe it to me."
>Your gaze shifts to follow what she's looking out over.
>The lake.
>Slowly, you lower yourself onto the ground, leaning back with your hands behind your back to keep you upright.
>Describe it to her.
"It's the lake, and it's quiet. The surface is unmoving. Pure, I guess."
>Desperately you search for more words to give her.
"Everything is soft. The colors are beautiful-"
>She winces.
"-and flowing. Soft... like wool sheets. And the clouds are like cotton. It's all warm."
>Looking for some sort of affirmation, you try to scan her face for details, but she is unyielding in your efforts.
>Describe it to her.
>Why make you do this?
"There's trees too, surrounding the lake on all sides. Strong and full. Whole or complete, maybe."
>What's the point in this?
>Describe it...
"And the flowers, they're like jewels on one of Rarity's dresses."
>You were never going to be able to.
>Why would she ask then?
"And-"
>The words no longer come.
>Rainbow Dash does not move.
>"Can't do it justice, huh?"
>Of course not.
"No."
 
>You pull yourself forward, legs crossed and back straight.
>Her ears twitch at the sound of you shuffling movement.
"Rainbow Dash..."
>"What's the point if I can't ever see it again?"
>Describe it to her?
>You can't.
>There are no words.
"I'm sorry."
>"We all know."
>Bitter.
>Why are you still here?
>You can't bring yourself to move.
>As if you're waiting to hear something from her.
"You hate me, right?"
>You aren't welcome here.
>Why can't she just say it.
>Why does she sit there, staring off into a great nothing, unmoving and wordless?
>The worst part is when no one is willing to admit it.
>It wasn't much longer before you left.
--
>Sweet Apple Acres was closest. That's why you were here.
>The sound of bark bending and apples falling snaps you back to reality.
>Applejack looks at you expectantly.
>"Well?"
>You blink.
>She had asked you something.
"Huh?"
>"Well what do you think?"
>What do you think?
>You think Rainbow Dash hates you for a very understandable reason but she won't admit it.
"That Rainbow Dash-"
>"No no no, not about Dash. About you."
>She points her hoof at you for emphasis.
>Her statement leaves you confused.
"What do I think... about me?"
>Surely you were missing something here.
>"Anon, why do you care so much about what Rainbow Dash thinks?"
"How can you ask something like that? You know why!"
>Automatic.
>She looks at, annoyed probably. Or upset that her point hasn't reached you yet.
 
>"Anon, dang it, I know why! But why do you care so much?"
"Because-!"
>Words are not with you today.
>You need to know that she hates you.
>Because...
>"Because you just want her to hate you?"
>No. Not just her.
"You all hate me, don't you?"
>She didn't expect that.
>Her eyes blink in surprise, mouth opening and closing tightly immediately afterwards.
>Just say it.
>"Anon. Look 'ere. What you did- under no circumstances- was yer fault."
>There can't be any meaning in her words that she truly believes.
>"You were confused and battered, it was a natural reaction. Okay?"
>That isn't an answer though.
"Applejack please. Just tell me."
>The second worst part is when they just look at you, unsure of what to say.
>Like now.
>Applejack eventually hangs her head and slowly shakes it. She sighs.
>"What do you want me to say, Anon? That I'm angry with ya?"
>Again, a sigh.
>"She's my best friend, Anon. And now her life is at a standstill. I'm angry, yeah, but not with you."
>Her gaze moves behind her now, away from you.
>"It's like if Celestia crippled herself by fallin' down the stairs. It don't suit her. Dash deserved to go out with a bang. Not blinded by some confused stranger."
>Now she looks at you.
>Instinctively, your eyes dart away. Embarrassed maybe. Or scared.
>But there's a fleeting moment where you see something in those green eyes. But once your gaze returns, it's gone.
>"Anonymous. Dash is going through the worst part of her life right now. But we don’t blame you for it."
 
>She turns around, walking over to a basket full of apples, hitching it to the saddle on her back.
>Afterwards, she turns around at looks at you again.
>"And that's that."
>Now she walks past, back towards barn, maybe or maybe not expecting you to follow and continue this conversation.
>You couldn't tell.
"What if it were you?"
>She stops.
"You'd hate me for it, right?"
>It's too easy for her to brush you off like this.
>But she does it. Without so much as a glance.
>Applejack walks away from you, out of sight.
>You knew not to follow her.
>The third worst part is when the others leave you by yourself.
 
--
>The chatter has all just blended together in the background for you.
>Nothing notable is discernible amongst the noise.
>Fluttershy's mouth moves across from you, but you aren't listening to the words she's saying.
>Something about animals, probably.
>Something about nothing to beat around the issue.
>Your seat is hard and you fidget anxiously.
>You don't enjoy being out in the open like this.
>It feels as though you're out on display for the world to see.
>And the world is cold.
>"So tell me, Anonymous, how has your week been?"
>From across the table, Fluttershy's eyes look on innocently.
>More than innocent.
>As if later today she expects to see Rainbow Dash flying and well.
>As if everything is okay.
"I ran into Rainbow-"
>"Stop."
>She's calm. Contained. Kind, even.
>You are unsure.
>"We're not going to talk about her. Okay?"
>Her words are not malicious. They are soft. As though she's thinking of you and only you. Not her.
“Okay.”
>”So, how has your week been?”
>This past week has been nothing short of eventful.
>It had started out fine. A fake kind of fine.
>That was the fourth worst part: when everyone pretended everything was okay.
>Pinkie Pie wanted to throw you a “staying in Ponyville party”.
>Staying in Ponyville… as if you there were anyplace else for you to go.
>Two ponies in particular hadn't shown up to the event.
>Applejack and guess who.
>Not that it mattered.
>It was an awkward experience for everyone involved.
>Especially after what that one filly said.
>You left after that. The party was over, whether or not Pinkie Pie wanted to admit it.
>And that's when you found her.
 
>Someone else was probably watching over her now. What else could they do for her?
>They were all wasting their energy on the two of you.
>You take a sip of water from your cup. It's cold inside your dry throat.
>It doesn't help.
"Fine."
>Fluttershy looks down at that, unchanging on the surface, but disappointed on the inside for sure.
>She was making an effort to get to know you. It was sweet of her really.
>After all, what were you to most of the ponies in town?
>A monster, maybe. You aren't keen on hearing it from them.
>"That's good."
>She plays along with your facade even though your lie is painfully transparent.
>"Readjustment going okay?"
"Yeah."
>"Good."
>She takes a long drink from her teacup. Eyes closed.
>Fluttershy was supposed to be the element of kindness, but even she could only go so far, right?
"Fluttershy?"
>The timid pegasus sets her cup down to look at you.
"How do you feel about me?"
>Her head tilts at your comment, a familiar expression on her face.
>Trying to read you.
>"I think you're nice."
>One.
"Fluttershy, I just want to know. What I did to Rain-"
>"Stop!"
>Forceful. Sudden. Her raised voice comes as a surprise.
>"Stop hurting yourself over this, Anonymous."
>She reaches a hoof over the table onto your stray hand.
>It's warm.
>"Please."
>You keep staring at her hoof on your hand.
>She wants you to forget. You can't forget it. It will never go away.
>No one will ever be able to forget it.
>In a single action, you robbed this land of something you would never fully be able to understand.
 
--
>Fear was the most apparent thing.
>The woods were thick and the air was heavy in your lungs.
>Scrapes on your bare skin stung beneath your sweat.
>You thought you were going to die.
>After what you had seen in these dark and oppressive woods, you were certain of it.
>Wherever you were, you were amongst demons.
>How else were you supposed to explain the massive creatures that lurked all around you.
>It had been two days. Maybe three. It was dark all the time.
>Your ankle had been sprained, possibly worse, from running.
>You wanted to be anywhere else.
>There still hasn't been an official explanation for how you wound up in Equestria.
>A cosmic coincidence. Or just a sick joke on a worldly level.
>The fact that it had happened in the first place was probably the biggest improbability to ever happen.
>Yet it was mere coincidence that Rainbow Dash crossed paths with you.
>You heard yelling. Guttural shouting would better describe it.
>Their language was foreign and disorienting (something magic would later help fix for you).
>She was looking for that one filly, the same one from the party.
>And you were hiding. Paralyzed with fear maybe, or exhaustion.
>You held the conifer branch tightly.
>For all you knew, you were going to die here.
>The least you could do was fight for your life.
>When you heard her get close enough, that's when you struck.
>It came as a shock to her.
>She got struck right across the face.
>There wasn't enough time.
>You didn't know.
>The branch collided with her as tiny sprigs erupted into the air.
>She screamed. Pain.
>That much you could understand.
 
--
"You can't just pretend nothing's wrong."
>Fluttershy stares at you blankly.
>"I'm not trying to pretend."
>Her voice is quiet.
"Then let's talk about it. What I did-"
>"You're not cruel."
>Stern. It stops you in your tracks, overtaking your words.
>"That's what I think of you Anonymous. A cruel pony would not be as distraught as you about this. I think what happened to Rainbow Dash was terrible-"
>What happened. As if it were some unknown occurrence without reason.
>No. What you did.
>"-but I also think you're going through something terrible as well. Too much has happened to you so quickly."
>For as kind as she was, surely she could even feel animosity. And if anyone were as deserving as you...
>"It has to be hard. Going through what you're going through."
"It's harder for her."
>"I don't doubt that. But you have to realize you're struggling too."
>She keeps your gaze locked, attempting a smile that comes out all too weak and unconvincing.
>Shame. It doesn't suit her.
>"We only want to help you, Anonymous."
>You're not the one that needs it. Deserves it.
>But because of you, she'll always need it now.
>Never more being independent. Broken is a fitting word.
"Do you pity me, Fluttershy?"
>And her eyes soften. Mouth opened slightly.
>She blinks in the silence.
>Two.
>The silence is more telling than anything to you.
>You stand up silently.
"Thank you for your time, Fluttershy."
>She nods, still lost in your question.
>"We'll do it again sometime."
>Of course.
>For the first time since the party, you leave on your own terms.
 
--
>You occupy the streets like a stranger.
>It's how you feel amongst the ponies; like a blemish.
>Most of them already know. You don't scan their faces for information. You know what you would find.
>And so you walk aimlessly down the streets, ignoring everything that passes by. A headache burgeoning in your head. Self-conscious.
>In your fatigue, you wander. The ponies wade around you like water around an intruder.
>And against the current you swim.
>Somewhere else.
--
>The house is dark when you first enter.
>It reeks of dust and age. But you don't have a right to complain, honestly.
>Twilight Sparkle turns on the light, and its bare insides are revealed.
>Dust and pale highlights show where furniture had once been, but remained no more.
>Empty. Barebones and meager.
>What would you even fill it with?
>"I know it isn't much, but we can work on that later. At least now you'll have a place to live since you're staying in Ponyville."
"It's fine."
>Really, maybe you could make something of this. Put in some paintings. Some curtains.
>It could be nice.
"I appreciate the kindness."
>She smiles, but it's a tired smile.
>If it weren't for Princess Celestia, she wouldn't be here right now.
>She'd be at the hospital with her friends.
>Not here. With you.
>"It's no trouble really. This place has been vacant for a long time now. And, seeing as I'm the local Princess, I was able to pull a few strings."
>She walks into the main living space, coughing as dust stirs in the heavy air.
 
>"There should at least be a bed left in the bedroom for you. We can work on helping you furnish the rest of the house sometime soon."
>You simply nod your head.
>Yeah. This could be something to work on. Take your mind off things. Relax.
--
>You close the door behind you as you enter your empty house.
>The lights flicker on, revealing the barren interior.
>Sometime later. Sometime that isn't today.
>You're tired, and while the sun shines through the window, it may as well be night.
>Tomorrow will be easier.
>You drag yourself through the door and into the master bedroom.
>A solitary bed and a nightstand are pushed up against the wall. This was the one room you had curtains for.
>They would make sleeping easier.
>Without any formalities, you crawl under the sheets, wearing your day clothes, shoes kicked off onto the floor.
>Anywhere but here, please.
>You lie perfectly still.
>There was one song from back home that you liked.
>It wasn't exact in your head, but you could recall it just enough to satisfy yourself.
>And so you hear it, and you hum it, and you think.
>And when you return, the room is darker. Colder. More oppressive.
>You shuffle under the covers, trying to find a way in which the bed will agree with the contours of your body.
>Uncomfortable still, the heat stifling you while the cold lingers above the covers.
>Almost as if you were trapped.
>But this wasn't something you could walk away from.
>Here you could only try and fall asleep again.
 
--
>The party.
>You had no idea what to expect from it.
>Pinkie Pie said she was going to throw a party to celebrate you moving to Ponyville.
>Supposedly, this was her thing. What she did for everyone.
>There were streamers, and balloons, and lighthearted music.
>There wasn't any laughter.
>Pinkie Pie seemed to notice, but didn't say anything.
>She just smiled.
>And maybe if she smiled enough, she could smile for everyone in Sugarcube Corner. And nobody would have to because she would be smiling for all of them.
>Rainbow Dash wasn't there. Pinkie Pie didn't mention this.
>Applejack wasn't there either, and Pinkie Pie made sure to explain to you it was because of all this farm work she had to get done.
>It didn't make a difference to you.
>There were other strangers there too. Maybe you were supposed to get to know them.
>They already knew you though, so you stayed your ground.
>Sitting silently in a booth. Hoping not to draw attention to yourself.
>You didn't even have to do anything to accomplish that.
>The doors opened in a flurry of mixed shouting.
>"Where is he?!"
>The voice was young. A filly's.
>Mixed alongside it were the voices of two others, shouting back at her, begging her to end the scene she was creating.
>But she had something to say.
>And she saw you, and she saw Pinkie Pie, nervous, not wanting any of this to be happening.
>She knew what the filly was going to say.
>"How can you all be celebrating this jerk!?"
 
>Everyone stood around awkwardly. No one rising to your immediate defense. Not even yourself.
>How could they, after all?
>"He ruined Rainbow Dash!” she continued. “She'll never be a Wonderbolt now!"
>The filly looked around at all the familiar faces.
>"And you're here... celebrating?!"
>"That's enough, Scootaloo!"
>Twilight Sparkle came forward finally.
>"Rainbow Dash is supposed to be your friend, Twilight!"
>In your defense, this wasn't much of a celebration.
>An awkward gathering of friendly gestures, maybe. But not a celebration. A mandatory gathering. A sign of mutual acceptance. Maybe something not as complex, or even less simple than that.
>"Scootaloo, girls, come with me. You're leaving."
>Twilight moved to escort Scootaloo outside, and as she did so, the filly's eyes caught hold of yours. As Twilight pulled her outside, she shouted out one final rejection.
>"We all hate you, you know!"
>At least she could admit it.
>The two other fillies followed along, heads down, embarrassed for their friend and uncomfortable, muttering pointless apologies.
>You could sympathize.
>And after that, it grew painfully quiet.
>Lucky Twilight, she had found her own exit ticket.
>Pinkie Pie said something, peppy and loud, trying to rekindle something that never existed.
>It was futile. You remained silent.
>Eventually, you reasoned you didn't need a reason to leave a party meant for you.
>It was over anyways. No one said anything as you left.
>You wanted to be alone for now. There was a hill somewhere, you thought you could remember.
>Maybe you could go there. Relax.
>You started to walk towards the edge of town.
 
--
>When you wake up again, it might have been for the fifth time.
>But it was finally morning. Finally a day that wasn't yesterday. Or the day before.
>You remained under the covers, groggy from your extended rest, sleep clinging heavily to your eyelids, your mouth dry and your hair matted.
>Maybe something better would come of today.