Anon-PI
EPISODE 2: "The long hard road outta hell"
 
[ As we last we left our intrepid Anonymous, he had a shitty year:
Married to Twilight Sparkle
Catches her fucking another man
Messy media circus as he moves out of Ponyville
Knowing kindness will hurt more than rage, he publically 'forgives' Twilight but sets up shop as a Private Investigator in Manehattan. Specialty? Infidelity Cases.
Fast Forward several months of him avoiding his wife and Ponyville
Divorce is now a rising statistic in the city as he is uncovering the unspoken underbelly of adultery in the land.
Refuses to talk to Twilight, barely keeps in touch with the other Mane 6.
Twilight finally corners him in a court case brought up to see if his practice is causing undue harm to society. Ultimatum: Take ALL cases or lose PI licence under discriminatory laws.
Anon reluctantly agrees.
Purplesmart gives him her request: A missing-pony case - their Daughter.]
 
Ep 01: http://pastebin.com/E8d25qPg
Ep 02: http://pastebin.com/yRfPAJ2r
Ep 03: http://pastebin.com/4SSTNfCi
 
***
 
> You can tell it's a flashback because things are in black and white like the old detective movies.
> The night you caught your wife being rutted into the mattress of another man...another pony's bed.
> It had all seemed so surreal as you opened the front door (unlocked of course...Ponyville sensibilities) and walked up the stairs to the bedroom.
> Swinging open the door, mid-thrust. No silly accidental silhouette like on Austin Powers... just a big blue stallion dong half-buried in her body as they both stopped in shock and looked up from the pillows to see you.
> Her exasperated: "H-how dare you! Did you spy on me!?"
> Your beta-spaghetti turning to anger-ravioli as you plowed your fist into Bright Eyes' muzzle
> The smell of blood as your fist breaks open his cheek.
> "Anon...wake up. Please wake up."
> You reluctantly open your eyes, wanting to savour the momentary look of fear in that bastard's eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm awake..."
> Your wife is sitting across from you as you return to consciousness. Alone now, without the public around, you can see the toll a year has taken on her.
> She's got a hard edge to her now...anger and maybe self-loathing has removed some of that innocent smile on her muzzle.
> But she still looks at you with love. Even now. You hate it. You hate that you miss it.
"Don't look at me."
> Your demand is feeble, but she complies, focusing on the wall behind you as you sit up and stumble into one of the gallery seats for purchase.
> "I'm sorry you had to learn about it like this," she says. "I really did try to tell you. But...well...every time you shot me down. After a while I just...gave up."
"But you had a baby? You...you had a daughter?"
> She looks at you with a nod. "Our baby. Our daughter."
"Bullshit! You start rutting with another man, get knocked up and decide to pin this all on me? You said there were complications, Twi. You said we couldn't have a kid. I'm not buying your story."
> There is a strange hurt, but prideful look on her face. "Do you think I wouldn't move the stars for you? Change the very laws of nature for you? Do you think I couldn't?"
> You look away as the implications take hold of what she's saying. Months of anger...a year of seething rage...it's so hard to see past it to trust anything she says.
> But somehow that tiny bit of your heart still untainted speaks out and asks you to try. You want to burn it out with whiskey and fire, but as you reach into your coat to pull out your flask you find it's been confiscated.
"You understand you're playing with my last nerve here, Twilight. Don't you?"
> She nods slowly. "When you see her, you'll know I'm not lying. She's yours, Anon...and I'm not going make excuses for my terrible actions but-"
"Then don't. Just don't."
> "But I wasn't just diddling a colt because I was unhappy or wanted another pony...I..thought it was necessary. I didn't know the spells had worked...and I was so desperate to give you what you wanted."
> You would have slapped her if you were sitting closer and not feeling like lead. The daggers you glared at her were enough, though.
"What *I* wanted? Are you sick, Twilight?"
> She looks away, this time truly dejected. "Of course...I know that now. I've had to live with the fact I hurt you for nothing. And when she was born...well...I didn't want the press to have a field day at her expense and-"
> A sob. She tries to hide it but it's enough to almost melt months of ice you've built around your heart.
> "She needs your help, Anon. I can't find her. Somepony took her. If I ever meant anything to you, please help me."
> Every fibre of your being is screaming to do something. To go over and comfort her. Or to walk over and kick her in the face. Or to do...ANYTHING. You decide on the least moon-banish-worthy option. Cold professionalism.
"You haven't told me her name."
> Twilight looks up with a blush, using her wings to wipe away her tears. "I wasn't sure you wanted to hear it."
"I'll need at least that much."
> The purple Alicorn closes her eyes and her horn begins to glow. A shimmering circle forms before you, and slowly an image takes shape like a wallet photo someone might carry with them in another land.
> "Her name is Starlight," Twilight says as the image of a baby...a human baby...with a tiny solitary horn on her forehead appears before you. "Starlight Incognito. Two names are tradition in my family, after all."
> You want to shout in joy at the image! You want to sing and hug your wife and-
"She's beautiful."
> It's all you can muster. Somehow, though, Twilight seems to understand and beams back at you with all the light of a sunrise.
"I'll take the case, Twilight. But..."
> "That's all I'm asking."
"Let's start with the basics. When did she go missing?"
> "One week ago. I took Starlight to the hospital for a check-up. The doctor was knocked unconscious and she was taken. Nopony saw anything."
"What about your spells, or Celestia and Luna? Cadance?"
> Twilight shook her head. "She's inherited your magical resistance, Anon. Until she learns to use her unicorn magic...IF she even has any...we can't get a bead on her."
> Your heart soars...and sours...to hear the word 'inherited'. You suspected you may never have children after the first year of marriage with Twilight, but you had made peace with that long ago. Now...suddenly...all your dreams and nightmares were coming true all at once.
"Do you suspect anypony?"
> Without hesitation, she nods. "Yes. Bright Eyes was...very...angry about what happened. Ever since he learned you were the father...he vanished."
> You stand and adjust the collar of your coat.
"Take me to the hospital."
> She is on her hooves in an instant, badly hiding a number of feelings on her face. "Just...like old times?"
"For now."
> She nods and closes her eyes as you gently grasp her horn. She shivers...and there's a spark of electricity between you and her that you hate how much you've missed...as the world dissolves into purple magic sparkles.
> A rush of sights and familiar smells flows over your brain as the dim light of the court is replaced by a bright, shining Ponyville day.
> The sweet smell of freshly mown hay and grass - the sugar on the air and smell of bread coming from Sugarcube Corner - the breezy apple-scent wafting from the Acres not far away...it's almost too much.
"I've missed being here."
> She smiles up at you, looking two years younger and like the mare you married. "We've missed you too, Anon."
> You feel your smile fading.
"Let's get to work."
> The clinic is nearly deserted as you enter. A broken wing and an ingrown hair are all that the doctors and nurses are fussing over, so they leave you mostly alone.
> Twilight brings you to the pediatric ward. At the far end, a door with purple police-tape is locked off to the public. BY ROYAL DECREE is printed on the plastic. She unlocks the door with a magic aura from her horn.
"Stay out here, alright?"
> She nods and backs away as you slip under the tape, careful not to disturb it out of habit.
> You go into full detective mode as a way to keep the feels at bay. Considering that has been how you've kept your sanity this last year, it's easy and feels as good as slipping on your favourite coat or shoes.
> There are some X-Rays on the wall. You walk over and check them out. A little girl...as far as you can tell, but there are some additional bones in her legs, pelvis and of course, a horn growing out of her skull.
> You suppress the urge to ask to see more photos of your little girl for now. She might not even be your little girl, you remind yourself. Twilight was powerful enough to move heaven and earth...true...but she was also powerful enough to falsify an image and a few X-Rays as props.
> The whole case stunk like a setup. Like some kind of stupid reality-TV show you'd see back on Earth...maybe this was some big rouse to get him to confront his wife's lover, beat him up and have the crowd cheer as some kind of sick therapy.
"A great deal of faggottry is afoot."
> You find a medical chart and flip it open, scanning it for useful information. She's healthy...as far as they can tell...her vitals seem high for a pony or a human, but you remember that human babies have crazy fast heartbeats and the like...something the pony doctors seemed to be assuming as well.
"I hope she's eating enough..."
> "Find anything, Anon?"
"Still looking."
> You do see a small case-file photo, though, of a crying, dark-purple haired brat swaddled up in a blanket three times too big for her. You take it and slip it into your pocket. Evidence, you tell yourself, but you know it's not for the case.
> Just as you are about to put the file down, though, you look through the medical history. Unremarkable. Textbook boring. Born in the palace, not the clinic.
"Can you take me to the records room?"
> "Of course, Anon. This is royal business after all."
> You follow wordlessly. Twilight leads you to the records office and opens the lock. "Should I stay out here?"
"Yeah. Please."
> She sighs and nods, accepting the compromise. "It's for Starlight. I understand. Anything you need, Anon."
> You close the door a bit so you can work unwatched. Truth be told, you were certain you were stepping on laws the moment you opened the Ponyville medical archive drawer. Twilight wouldn't be willing to let you do that unless this was legit, would she?
> You skim through the names of ponies...a ridiculous task at the best of times, trying to figure out family ties between occasionally unrelated names. The Apple family was the only one that consistently passed along a surname.
> You find him. Him. Bright Eyes. You catch your hand clenching on its own and force it to relax as you pull the file. Next of kin...family...anything to get a trail on the bastard. You find it. His parents have passed on, but he has a sister in Manehatten.
"My turf."
> "What was that, honey?" Twilight calls from the hallway.
"Nothing."
> You're just about to close the file when your hand brushes against another folder. [Sparkle, Twilight]
> "Uhm, Anon, we should probably wrap it up here. I'm not technically supposed to let you-"
"I'm done."
> You grab the two folders and roll them up before stuffing them into your inner coat pocket.
> As you leave the clinic, illicit data in the hidden flaps of your Rarity-made special 1950's style gumshoe overcoat, Twilight is hot on your heels.
> "So? What do you think? Did you find any clues?"
"Yeah. I think I know where to find your boyfriend."
> She winced visibly at the comment but shakes it off. "Where to now?"
"I want to know why he'd bother taking her in the first place. I mean, first of all, he knows you're the Princess of Magic, right? One of the four rulers of the land. I haven't met a pony yet with balls big enough to risk that kind of moon-time since Discord."
> Twilight slows a bit. "As you know, I've kept Starlight out of the public eye. I didn't want the tabloids to start their attack again."
"Fair enough."
> She nods. "With you...moved out...Bright Eyes decided that it meant he could try to court me. When I refused...well...he took it badly. He threatened to bring Starlight to the press' attention."
"Yeah, what a scandal...you having a baby with your husband. I can see how that might shame you."
> Her hard frown was evidence enough she had forced a bit of armor on her own heart over the months. "You don't understand...she's mostly human. Mostly, as far as anyone can tell. When you arrived there were riots. Ponies thought we were being invaded by some weird...hairless ape...species. Eventually, once you proved yourself to be peaceful, most of the fear died down."
> It's your turn to do a double-take.
"Most? What do you mean?"
> "When we were married, there were a lot of...concerns...about whether or not we could have children. Some thought the idea was wonderful...others...not so much. Others in the magical community, however, were interested for another reason - experimentation."
> The look of fear in her eyes as she says the words tells you more than you'd ever need to hear.
"So. You're saying there is a black-market want for our daughter?"
> Twilight looks down at the ground. "I know you don't want to hear my...reasons...for cheating on you, Anon. But Bright Eyes...initially he was only helping me with the spells. He had been working on a way for a Pony and Griffon couple to conceive, and thought his research could be used for us."
"I haven't had nearly enough alcohol today to listen to this. If you have a point to make, make it."
> She swallows back the sob forming in her throat, and you catch her mumbling 'for Starlight. for Starlight' as a mantra for a few seconds. When she looks back up at you, the full, terrifying might of her intellect is back.
> "When the spells didn't seem to be working, I got desperate. I wanted to give you a child. I needed to...it was biology and desire and everything I was. He convinced me he could be a donor. I foolishly accepted. End of story. You caught us...you caught me...and interrupted the process. I only saw him once more when Starlight was born so I could discuss the spells and their influence on her health."
> You thought hearing about her train of reasoning that lead her to that unfaithful night would anger you more than it did. Somehow you could almost see her logic. Her insane, inane caught-up-in-the-moment-heart-shattering-logic. But it was still logic.
"And how did he act?"
> "Angry. Confused at first. I had blown him off for months...hidden myself away for much of the pregnancy as well. But...then he demanded to study her. He told me he was the father as far as the magical components...and that he had rights. I refused,of course.."
"Of course."
> "But...then when he threatened to make her public...I snapped at him. I threatened him with banishment. He..." Twilight swallowed the fear threatening to creep back into her voice. "He told me there were others who would take up his cause."
 
[Oh shit, son, am I accidentally writing Liam Neeson in Equestria?]
 
> It's a lot to take in, but you pride yourself on doing so without vomiting.
"Who else have you told about this?"
> "Just...the girls. They...deserved to know what was happening. I made them promise not to tell anypony else in case Bright Eyes made good on his threat."
"Nevermind. Alright. I need you to get us back to Manehatten."
> She nods crisply. "Where to?"
"Just my office."
> "I'm coming with you, Anon I know you're magically resistant, but Bright Eyes isn't some colt unicorn, and if he's expecting I'll find him I'm sure he'll have some kind of-"
"Not this part, Twilight. I need room to work. You hired a Private Eye, remember? No offence but with you walking behind me everyone's going to spot me a mile away."
> She sighs, conceding. "Okay...but...if you need me..."
"I do."
> A bright blush comes over her cheeks.
> You hate yourself for your slip of the tongue and how cute she looks.
"I mean, I will. I promise I'll contact you the moment I figure out where Starlight is."
> She nods and closes her eyes, allowing you to grab on to her horn again. "Maybe when this is all over...we can at least have a proper party. Just like old times...even if we can't be the same, I think Pinkie would have a heart attack if she knew I brought you back and left without a party."
> You sigh and nod as the world turns to purple light again.
"We'll see. I think that would be nice."
> Ponyville vanishes. Your office...outside on the street due to the wards...appears. Then, as promised, Twilight vanishes in a pop of magic, leaving you to your thoughts and own two feet.
> You pull out the files you obtained. Twilight's file...will have to wait. You know there are answers in there. Maybe the answers you don't want to read about. The truth business is hard.
> Instead, you open Bright Eyes' file again and confirm the address of his next of kin.
> It's quite a trip from your office to the residence of one 'Demure Eyes' the Unicorn. She's the same shade of blue as the wifefucker you split open last time, but she looks like she could blow over with a light breeze.
> You remind yourself this is a case...just a case...and to act accordingly. You're pretty sure you'll be brought up on charges of pone-slaughter before the week is done...better make sure it's the right motherfucker that-
"Ouch. Too soon, brain. Too soon."
> Sorry, Anon.
"Whatever."
> After a tram ride to the industrial/docks quarter, you manage to find the address. A tall, nine story apartment new enough to still have its original brickwork facade but old enough to blend in with the dirtier, smoggier buildings.
> Digging into your pockets you find your brass balls...or knuckles...itching for a fight.
> Maybe this really was all some elaborate ruse to get you and Twi back together - the Girls were certainly crafty and smart enough to pull off some amazing plans.
> If it was, though, you sure as hell wouldn't pass up on another chance to flatten that smug magical prick against the wall.
> Maybe this time you'd remove some things from his body. Things...as Uma Thurman once said in her own revenge story...he would miss.
> But for now...there was a fire escape to climb.
> And if you weren't just the crazy tall hairless ape-man to do it!
> As you climb as silently as you can on the old ironwork, your thoughts drift back to your...alleged...child.
> Will she know who you are? Will she accept you as her father? If you and Twilight can't make peace over what happened...would she choose you or her mother when the time came?
> Could you even force her to make that choice?
> Did you even want to?
> Until this morning you didn't even know she existed, and likely wouldn't have until a lucky paparazzi picture in the Daily Mare gave it all away a year from now.
> And then you hear it....
> A baby crying.
> Your heart jumps several beats as you propel yourself up the ladders toward the sound.
> "Oh, hush you! It's not that cold!" comes a voice...a mare's voice.
> Before you get to the cracked-open window you settle your nerves and bring out your second weapon... a pocket camera.
> It has a mirror on the edge you've used to peek around many-a-corner. You raise it to the edge of the window and peer inside, nearly choking on your own ragged breath as you keep yourself quiet.
> Heavy curtains obscure most of the view, but you see a single unicorn in the corner of the room, pacing back and forth around something on the coffee table.
> Instead of a bundled up baby, though, you see a shimmering plane of magical bullshit - the unicorn equivalent of a video conference call, and it's clear by the way the sound of the baby moves with the magic that she's on the other side.
"Fucking Equestria..." you whisper under your breath.
> "How the hell would I know how hot to make the formula? Celestia alive, Brother...you know I've never had fillies!"
> "Well, I don't know! Don't you have motherly instincts or something?" Bright Eyes...he's on the other end of the call.
> "Where did you even get that...thing...anyway?" Demure asks in a tone that makes you want to punch her in the throat even if the child isn't yours.
> "It's best you don't know. All I need to know is how to keep it alive long enough for the professor to arrive. I've tried to put it in a crystal stasis but the little brat is resisting it."
> You take a few silent snapshots of the scene, knowing Twilight might be able to do something with magic to find out where the other side of the call is. Stay focused. Stay professional. Do it for the kid.
> "Fine, fine. Well, I can get you some cow's milk and drop it off. Would that work? I think that Anony-moose thing said he liked cow's milk in an interview I read."
> "Good, yeah, thanks sis. Just bring it to the lab."
"Lab..."
> There's a chime of magical energy as the conversation ends.
> "Stupid brother of mine...I told him he'd need more formula. Never had foals but at least I knew that much." she mutters and scuffles around the apartment, putting on a hat and a saddle bag.
> You wonder if you'll have to trail her through a market, but she pulls out a few bottles of moo-juice from her ice-box and stows them away.
> "I hate going to the lab this time of day," she sighs out loud to herself. "Every time it's-"
> The window snaps shut with a blast of magic, cutting off any more clues. You curse and get back to your feet, scaling the last of the fire escape to reach the roof.
> One of the best parts of Manehatten is most of the buildings were close enough together for you to play Batman on the roof-tops. As you reach the top, you spy Demeru Eyes trotting out into the street, glancing around herself like a bad extra in a spy movie.
"They never look up," you grin to yourself.
> As you follow her, making the occasional hop to a different roof, it's clear she's heading toward a tall commercial building about two blocks away across a major carriageway. You hope her lament is due to the traffic, which is pretty bad.
"Good for me, though."
> It takes you a moment to find another fire escape to scale down to street level, and by the time you do you find her coming back...sans milk...from an alleyway across the street.
"No you don't..."
> You bolt through the first opening in the traffic. A massive Earthpone shouts in alarm as you dive under his hooves and through to the other side. Three more NYC-Cab like dodges and you finally find yourself on the proper side of the street.
> Glaring at a startled Demure Eyes.
> "A-Anonymous?"
> You don't give her the chance to say anything else. You close the distance between you as she tries to conjure up some kind of magic shield, but your hand breaks through and grabs her horn.
"Take. Me. There. Now."
> She struggles against you, sparks flying as you grab tighter. A strange mixture of pain and surprise covers her face. "H-How?"
> But you're not in the mood for magic theory. You grab her neck and pull her off of her feet, then stride into the alleyway - witnessless.
> As you've expected, there are no doors down the alley...fuckin magical bullshit.
"You know who I am. You know what I want. Do you know what I'll do to get you to talk?"
> She shakes her head quickly. "Please...please...I don't know anything! I-I was just dropping off some garbage!
> The look on your face makes her struggle even before you begin twisting your fist around her horn. She cries out in pain and goes limp out of sheer preservation instinct, knowing you're strong enough to break her neck if needed.
"I've had a REALLY bad day, but I'm prepared for it to get a lot worse. Are you?"
> One last defiant burst of energy tries to pop through your fingers.
> You snap. It snaps. She screams through your choke-hold in horror as you present the magical appendage to her face.
"How you get this back on...or in...your body depends on how quickly and truthfully you answer me."
> She nods rapidly, sobbing and drooling and snotting all over that nice coat Rarity made for you. Hopefully it's dry cleaning-safe.
> "T-ThERE!" she screams, hoof pointing shakily at a small grate in the wall halfway down the building.
> So much for the element of surprise, you sigh, then pull her up to your face.
"If you are lying to me, I will make sure the last thing you see will be this horn going through your eye. Do you understand?"
> She weakly nods and drops like a sack of spuds as you drop her down. You then drop her horn at her hooves, and she tries to pick it up with the raw wound on her forehead leaking glitter.
> You storm over to the grate. One of the bars is false...A lever...you find the lever and pull.
> And are promptly electrocuted.
"Fuck...."
>Darkness.
 
[TBC]