>It was a joyful time in Equestria, before season 3 happened
>You and Twilight were in her basement laboratory working on the formula for the perect breakfast
>She looked so damn good without wings
>But you couldn't possibly have sex with her, I mean she was a different species.
>You weren't gonna become some nasty horsefucker.
>That didn't stop her numerous advances on you though.
>You were absolutely clueless as to anything scientific, and were merely working as an assistant for Twilight.
>"Get me a cold soda, Anon!"
"Yes ma'am."
>The relationship may be strictly platonic for you, but you were still chivalrous, as your parents had raised you to be.
>"Please, call me Twilight, Anon."
"Yes, Twilight."
>You bring her the cold soda.
>"Oh, I'm afraid I can't drink that."
"Why not?"
>"It's not diet."
"Why do you care?"
>"I'm trying to lose weight."
"Twilight! You don't need to lose weight! Who told you that? Was it Rarity?"
>"Well...yes..."
"I think you look fine just the way you are."
>You started feeling a tingling in your pants.
>Oh god no
>You have to cling to your remaining dignity and honor.
>You will not shame your late father by engaging in interspecies sex, even if you are trapped in this world dominated by ponies.
>Your father would never have wanted a faggy fairy animal-fucking son.
>You take a deep breath and calm yourself.
>The tingling goes away.
>"Anon, why don't you do me a favor and...wipe that can of soda on your bare face."
"B-but it'll be so cold..."
>"I know." She gave you bedroom eyes.
>Goddamn this crazy unicorn
"H-how about we work on finding the secret ingredient first?"
>Twilight frowned. "Fine. You can be so boring sometimes, Anon. Don't you ever want to...spice up your life?"
"I'm afraid I am not one to give in to temptation so easily."
>"I see...I'll get you one of these days though, Anon."
>Yeah sure.
>That'll be the day you commit seppuku outside of the Canterlot Castle.
>SUddenly you catch a sensual aroma of onions wafting through the air around your head and filling your nostrils.
>You hear an ogrish whisper in your ear: "Give her the secret ingredient..."
>Of course!
You whisper, "Thank you based Shrek."
"Hey Twilight!"
>Twilight was electrocuting something in a sink.
"TWILIGHT!"
>"Not now, Anon! I'm making--" *BZZZT* "--TOAST!" Twilight held up a slice of toast. "Now what would go good with toast?"
"Onions!"
>"ONIONS!" Are you nuts? Onions are gross!"
"B-but..."
>"Give me that weak-ass shit."
>Twilight took the onion that you had found in your pocket and threw it on the ground.
>She stomped on it and yelled, "Stupid, good-for-nothing onion! You have no scientific value! And you smell disgusting! You are worthless! Die, onion scum!"
>The smell of onions only intensifies.
>You know exactly what is coming.
>Large footsteps are pounding down the stairs.
>You both swing around to see the massive, bare-naked green swamp ogre known as Shrek gracing you with his presence.
>He is visibly angry.
>You get on one knee and bow to him with your eyes closed.
>Twilight snorts and yells "What the heck are you? Get out! I've got important work here that doesn't involve your nudity or foul onion stench!"
>Shrek says, "You shouldn't have done that." then charges with his arms up, roaring.
>Twilight manages to toss him back with her magic, and he lands in one of the many cloning pods.
>A whirling sound occurs and the lights in the lab flicker.
>Ten more Shreks burst out of the other cloning devices.
>Shit's about to get real.
>Twilight can't take all these Shreks.
>They force her down to the ground with their eshrektions and force their skreksticles into her mouth.
>They give her bukkake and fill her every whole with a poignant mixture of semen, mud and onion sauce.
>She dies of exasperation.
>You are free of ever being raped by Twilight Sparkle.
You say, "Thank you Shrek," with tears in your eyes.
>He pats you on the head and says, "That'll do, lad. That'll do."
>The other main six come into the lab after hearing the noise.
>They scream wildly at Twilight's crippled, cum-soaked body.
>The army of Shreks turn to them.
>The original Shrek says, "Thees is the part, where YOU, run away."
>All the ponies flee.
>Shrek and his new army of Shrekkies vanish into thin air, leaving behind a note.
>You pick it up.
>It reads, "I USED TO WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BE, UNTIL I DISCOVERED SHREK IS LOVE, SHREK IS LIFE."
>You start bawling and fapping furiously to fantasties of Shrek humiliating you.
>You suppose Twilight should have checked herself...
"UNGH!" You blow your load in your pants.
>Be-before she...shrekked herself...oh god that was good.