>You are Anon.
>You wake up to your alarm clock.
>The sun is shining through your window.
>You got a good, normal night's sleep.
>You are not gagged or bound.
>There is nothing in your ass.
>There is no sign of Fluttershy.
>Could this acually be...a normal day?
>You aren't ready to believe it yet.
>You take a huge diarrhea dump, expecting the whole time to be interrupted by Yellowquiet.
>You decide you'll shower and shave later, even though you haven't showered in like three days and you have a Shaggy beard.
>You look around your kitchen to see what you've got for breakfast.
>Hmmm...this cinnamon bun looks tasty.
>But you know what excess sugar does to your stomach...
>Ah, fuck it, you're NEET, who cares if you make yourself sick for a day.
>You sit down on your sofa chair instead of at your table.
>You are suddenly struck by a freaky memory...something to do with your sofa chair and a gun...and...
>Nope, it's gone now.
>Must have just been a dream.
>Maybe your whole, miserable existence in Equestria is just a dream.
>Wouldn't that be something.
>Or maybe it's like the Matrix.
>Who cares, you're about to eat.
>You bring the sugary sweet up to your mouth and right when you bite in...
>*DING DONG!*
>Goddamnit.
>You drop your breakfast and storm over to your front door.
As you open it you say, "Fluttershy, please--oh."
>In front of you is a white-haired unicorn levitating a large book with magic.
>If you weren't straight, you'd say he was pretty handsome.
>He said, in a sing-song voice, "Hello! My name is Elder Splits! And I would like to share with you the most amazing book!"
"NOPE."
>You slam the door on him and sigh.
>You didn't even know they had Mormonism in Equestria.
>SUddenly Fluttershy falls out of your freezer.
>The fuck?
>"Oh...hey Anon...it's chilly in there..."
"How long were you in there, Fluttershy?"
>"Long enough."
>She seemed odd.
>Then again, she was always odd.
"So I see you haven't drugged me today. Maybe we're finally edging our way to a better relationship."
>"I don't need drugs today Anon."
"No? Then why are you here?"
>"Because I know."
"Know what?"
>"I know your--"
>BAM! She was interrupted by a gunshot.
>What the actual fuck
>Since when did they have guns in Equestria?
>That made you remember that weird dream again, this time you saw Fluttershy holding a...sniper?
>No, no, it was a shotgun!
>Whatever. This is probably one of Pinkie Pie's pranks.
>BRATATATATATAATTATATATATATATA!!!
>That sounded like a machine gun.
>Holy shit.
>Seriously, what is going on?
>You open your door to look outside, and suddenly a frag grenade lands at your feet.
>Oh shit.
"FLUTTERSHY, GET DOWN!"
>You both dive into the living room and the grenade blows away half of your house, leaving rubble and fire everywhere.
>Wait, why are you helping save this bitch's life?
>It doesn't matter.
>Apparently somehow, war has broken out in Ponyville.
>You hide behind some debree and notice that it's all the unicorns who have guns.
>They must be magic guns.
>Fucking magic, always fucking shit up.
>So what is this, a civil war?
>Well, looks like all that firing range practice may finally come in handy.
>You sneak under your bed and pull out a silver box with a combination lock on it.
>7777. *Click!* It opens to reveal an M1911 handgun.
>Almost like the one in that weird dream you keep remembering...
>Shut up brain. It's do or die.
>Finally, something exciting and life-threatening that wasn't started by Fluttershy...as far as you know.
>You aren't afraid of death.
>If you're gonna go down, you're gonna go down fighting.
>And maybe you'll manage to take out a good 30 ponies, and they'll erect a statue of you while you chill in your own personal slice of pony Heaven.
>Fuck it, you might as well be nice to Fluttershy in her final hours.
>Death will be such a sweet release.
>That sounds kinda suicidal, but whatever.
>You see a watermelon stand by the side of the street.
>You run over to it, holding your gun, and beckon Fluttershy to follow you.
>She is not scared shitless for some reason. That's weird.
>You peak your head out from behind cover and fire a few shots at a pegasus over by a street sign. You manage to hit him three times in the chest.
>He falls over and dies immediately, a puddle of blood forming around his limp body.
>This scares off another pegasus who was behind a mailbox.
>But who threw the grenade at you?
>Now is a good time to be angry, Anon.
>Your anger will give you strength in warfare.
>Besides, aren't humans supposed to be dominant over goddamned horses?
>You should be a regular one-man-army.
>Fluttershy simply looks around the side of the stand and says, "Oh my..."
>Everything seems clear now...
>*BANG*! A sniper shot cracks through the air and blows up a watermelon right next to your head.
"Shit! Fluttershy, we have to run if we want to stay alive!"
>"Okay, but first I have to tell you something in case we don't make it!"
"No, my fetish is not watermelons getting shot by snipers!"
>"I know it isn't!"
"What?"
>"I know what your real fetish is, Anon."
"Yeah, sure. Let's run!"
>"Consesnsual."
"Huh?"
>"Sex."
"Fluttershy, come on, we're running out of time, he's gonna reload!"
>"In."
"Shut up, goddamnit!"
>"The missionary."
"Oh no..."
>"Position!"
"WROOONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG, haha you're wrong yet again!"
>"FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF PROCREATION!"
"Oh shit..."
>Suddenly time froze.
>Your penis got hard.
>The clouds parted, and sunlight sparkles on Fluttershy.
>For the first time you just want...'
>You want to fuck the shit out of her, with passion.
>She smiles at you sweetly.
>She finally did it.
>She guessed your fetish, perfectly.
>But HOW?
>It didn't matter.
>The rape games were over.
>You would likely be together forever now.
>At least if time didn't unfreeze and you both didn't get your torsoes blown to bits by that goddamn sniper.
>"I incited this war, Anon."
"What?!? Why!"
>"To make everything more exciting!"
>Okay, so she was still a psycho.
>You realize the sniper had revealed himself right before time froze.
>You stand up and hit him in the skull with five bullets.
>You're a damn good shot.
"I think we're safe now!"
>"NOW will you do me?"
"Uhhh...later!"
>"Why? Why not right now, right here?"
>She leaned in to kiss you but you pushed her away.
"We need to get to a safer place before we make love for the first time, Fluttershy! Out of this warzone!"
>"I understand."
>Suddenly a familiar voice came down from the sky. "Wait."
>It was...Celestia?
>"Congratulations, Fluttershy. You've finally done it."
"Done what?"
>"She has fulfilled her destiny."
"Her destiny was to successfully guess my fetish?"
>"Yes!"
"Wow. Uh...okay. What happens now?"
>"She becomes an alicorn!"
"WHAT?!?"
>Fluttershy intervened. "Your majesty, I don't really want to be an alicorn."
>"Too bad! As a matter of fact, all your friends are going to become alicorns!"
>You literally pull hair off of your head.
"NOOO! I thought I just got the happy ending! What is this?!? What is my life?!?"
>All the other main six appear around you, in enlarged alicorn form.
>They are ugly as fuck.
>Wait a sec, Rarity is still just a unicorn.
>Rarity says, "Um, your highness, I think you forgot..."
>Celestia shot her an angry look and barked, "WHAT?"
>"You forgot to make ME an alicorn!"
>"No I didn't. YOU don't get to be one."
>"WHY?"
>"Because you suck. You are worst pony."
>"That's a subjective opinion!"
>"Okay fine, you get to be an alicorn too. But just so the Rarifags don't piss themselves."
>Rarity turned into an alicorn, and Fluttershy too.
"This is all wrong...this is never what I wanted..."
>"YOU get a very important choice, Anon."
"What?"
>"You can stay here and mate with Fluttershy, or I can open a portal that sends you back to earth, forever."
"You can do that?"
>"Of course, I just didn't tell you."
"Wow."
>"What'll it be? I have to unfreeze time soon, so hurry up."
>You look at Fluttershy. The look in her eyes is begging you to stay with her.
>But...
>No...
>You can't be a part of this...
>This alicorn nightmare...
>This horror...
>This wasn't how it was supposed to be...
>What happened to individuality and equality?
>Fuck this gay Equestria.
"I choose to go HOME."
>Fluttershy burst into tears. "NO, ANON, NO PLEASE NO NO NO NO NO!"
"I'm sorry, Fluttershy. You really did try hard to win me over. But I can't take this alicorn bullshit. I'm done. I want to go home, and forget. Forget everything. Forget ever being a part of this. The ride may not end, but I'm getting off of it."
>Fluttershy lunged at you but Celestia pushed her back with magic.
>"Very well, Anon. But...there is a twist."
"What twist?"
>"You'll find out when you get home." Celestia snickered.
>The portal appears, and you anxiously step through it. Suddenly...
>
>You are on earth.
>It is WW2.
>You are looking Hitler in the face.
>Suddenly you realize how weak and frail and short you are.
>Hitler smiles and points a gun at you.
"OY VAY!"
 
THE END.