>Be Anon (and Cadance)
>Due to a misfired spell, you wound up sharing the same body. You got the higher head, she got the... lower head.
>It was unbearable for a few days for the both of you, her being frustrated at not being able to go back to her old life, you being frustrated at having a possessed dick.
>You both were also frustrated for "other reasons"
>your hand and Cadance quickly became best friends as a result, though it took some effort convincing her that it wasn't cheating anymore
>But after a few months, the both of you got used to it
>you went on your daily life, you two talked sometimes (telepathically, somehow), and she got some attention in the morning and the evening
>but even ridiculous amounts of Vaseline and your hand couldn't sate her forever, as you found out one night as you were conversing over dinner
>you were making small talk about Twilight's ascension to become a princess in Cadance's absence, when, out of the blue, she asks
>"Anon, are you ever going to get a girlfriend?"
>after a spittake and a coughing fit and a ton of her giggles, you finally get the courage to ask her,
Yeah, eventually, but why does that matter?
>She hmms for a minute, but then states simply
>"because hands don't feel great"
>after a while, her attraction to mares became obvious -- you didn't know how she could stand Shining Armor
>but you didn't know she was this horny
>no pun intended
>even the thought, the scent, the sight of a mare made her go crazy
>She continued on, though, relentlessly
>"Hands aren't as satisfying as a mare's pussy though. The texture, the scent, the feelings."
>"Besides, did you know mares can control every muscle in their vag?"
>That did it for you, too.
>It had been a decade since you came to Equestria, and you hadn't gotten any poon here
>same on Earth, but whatever
"How do we start?"
>she purred in your mind, "I wasn't expecting it to be this easy, Anon. I must say... I like it."
>that didn't sound ominous at all, but at the time you didn't notice anything.
>"Well, I expect that one of the Elements of Harmony would be willing. Specifically, Pinkie, she... definitely lives up to her name."
"Really? She's a slut?"
>well, that did it (hyuk)
>(the next day)
>as you were riding the train to Ponyville, you and Cadance made small talk in the car
>thank God you had telepathy with her, or you'd be sent to an institution
>but living with a sentient dick that used to be a princess was life for you now, and you didn't think it unusual anymore
>"Last stop! Ponyville! Now get the fuck out!"
You quickly gathered yourself and walked out, eyes adjusting to the bright light
>at least you knew where Sugarcube Corner is.
>after some walking, you arrive at the front entrance
>Cadance is already a little excited, but you politely ask her to calm down, and she tries to oblige
>steadying yourself, you walk in
>Walking in, you find everything in the usual state it would be on a Saturday morning
>ponies drinking coffee, eating a morning breakfast pastry
>Pinkie Pie rushed up to you at near supersonic speeds, hugging you intensely
>"Oh, Nonny! It's been so long! How's Canterlot been treating you!"
>you, after a moment of surprise, ruffle Pinkie's hair, causing absolutely no change to its looks
"Heh, it's going well Pinkie! I just wanted to drop in for a while and chat."
>a total lie, but stating your true intent would be dumb at this point
>Pinkies squees slightly and runs off without a word
>a few seconds later, she runs back
>"I let the Cakes know that you're here and I'm taking a break for a while!"
>amazing how this girl doesn't get out of breath
>this makes everything a bit easier
>you stop zoning out to find yourself being pulled up the stairs by your arm
>as Pinkie reaches her room, she invites you in and plops down on her bed
>you sit down next to her
>this will be awkward
>(10 years ago, in Ponyville)
>be Pinkie
>you were walking along to Sugarcube Corner one day, looking up to the sky and lightly singng a tune
>"Have a big dinner, have a light snack
>If you don't like it, you can't send it back"
>you didn't even know what you were singing, but you enjoyed it
>suddenly, there was a flash
>that's odd, there aren't any clouds nearby and it isn't raining, couldn't be lightning
>looking up, you see a green and black blur falling from what must be the upper atmosphere
>your Pinkie Sense kicked in immediately, your head vibrating and your ear tingling, letting you know that whatever was up there could die any minute
>and he might have three minutes before that happened at best
>you sprinted as fast as your overcaffeinated legs could take you towards Twilight's house
>no time to lose
>you headbutted the door, not even recoiling
>you didn't even acknowledge the existence of Spike, focusing on your destination
>you ran upstairs, threw Twilight off the bed with a shriek, took the bed, and ran out the door
>"What the Celestia just happened!"
>Twilight ran out the door, maybe a few dozen yards behind you
>whatever that thing was, it maybe had 10 seconds tops before it met its demise
>you gathered all your strength and hurled the small mattress overhead, hoping it landed in the right place
>THUMP
>with a giant cloud of dust, you ran over, surveying the results
>and... though quite unconscious and twisted at a weird angle at the legs, the person lying there was certainly alive, breathing quite intensely too
>Twilight finally caught up with you
>fucking fat bookhorse, that's what you get for not running or walking anywhere
>"What in Equestria happened here!"
>she didn't sound as annoyed, knowing that you may have just saved someone's life, but apparently she needed her coffee
>you just said, calmly, controlling your anxiety
>"Twilight, do you have any healing spells?"
>a few hours later, the person was still out cold, but healed a bit
>still be Pinkie
>after you saved Anon, the both of you grew very close
>not quite in a relationship, but very close friends
>the two of you could share anything with each other, and you often did
>he worked for the Cakes with you, earning a living and getting free room and bored
>he never complained, even when he had to watch the twins for a weekend
>after a few years, though, he grew restless
>you were still very close friends, but he was anxious
>he felt he hadn't achieved very much, and he was upset with himself
>so this started
"You're moving to CANTERLOT?!"
>he had broken the news that he was moving just a few seconds ago
>you were trying to control yourself, but this was... emotional, to say the least
>you were working up the courage to let him know how you felt, but that was... unexpected
>"Yes, Pinkie. I love Ponyville and I enjoy spending time with you, but this is the way it has to be, for my own sake."
>you couldn't handle this anymore
"W-well, thanks for letting me know, Anon. See you later."
>you ran off
>a few hours later, you were ready
>you were working up the courage for a while now, but... this was enough
>you finished writing the letter, put it on your dresser, and leaned back
>it had been years and you didn't have enough guts
>you were ready
>XANAX 2mg
>Quantity: 90
>you held the bottle in your hands, weighing your options
>the Cakes had given these to you a few weeks ago, but you had never used them
>it had been years since Pinkamena came out, but now she was again, full force
>dammit, Anon, why did you want to join the Guard?!
>you had made up your mind
>you finished the glass of whiskey you held in your hands, took a deep breath and brought the bottle to your lips.
>then...