>You walk through the castle as the sun begins to rise.
>As you make your way down the corridors, you spot that white horse.
>Her horn is glowing a light yellow.
>Now you get it.
>Navy horse raises the moon, white horse raises the sun.
>Seems legit.
>Sun is in the sky now.
>She turns and sees you, frowning.
 
“Mornin’ to you too, Sunshine.”
 
>”Our name is Celestia, PRINCESS Celestia to you, not ‘Sunshine’. Thou doth maketh a poor attempt at humor. In fact, thou doeth poorly  at  all We have seen you do.”
 
“Obviously you ain’t seen me in bed, Sunshine.”
 
>A look of disgust appears on her face.
 
“Course’ if ya’ll ain’t interested there’s always yer’ sister. I have a feelin’ she’d be plenty happy to run off with me.”
 
>Of course you’re joking.
>Despite working on a farm most of your life, you have no sexual interest in horses.
>Not even talking ones.
>Besides, dealing with mares in heat wasn’t something new to you.
>Crazy animals they were; attempted to make what you guessed were passes at you.
>You still had hopes of going back home in the near future, back to HUMAN women.
>You’re not THAT desperate yet.
>She takes you seriously however.
>”Keepeth thy filthy hooves-“
 
“Hands,”
 
>You interrupt.
>”-away from Our Sister! We shall see your end should you touch her, filthy monkey!”
>Her jimmies have been rustled.
>She trots off after shooting you a death glare.
>Presumably you’re a secret to the general population.
>For now.
>Take advantage of balcony and get a better look at the Capital city.
>Construction’s already started up again on the incomplete portions.
>This time you retreat to your chambers to play solitaire.
>It’s boring as all hell, but it’s the only way you can avoid white horse.
>After the way you riled her up, you think avoiding her for the next day or two should be a priority.
 
>That night Navy horse returns.
>”Cometh with Us human, and make haste.”
>You leave your game where it is and follow the horse, the two of you moving at a quick pace.
>You go down, down into the lower catacombs of the castle.
>In fact, you think you might have traveled underground some distance.
>The torches were becoming fewer and farther between as you went on.
>Finally you reach a door.
>There’s no handle however.
 
“What’re we doin’ here?”
 
>You’re starting to get concerned.
>”What thou doth witness here tonight musn’t leave, dost thou understand?”
>What the hell did you go and get yourself into, Anon?
 
“Mind tellin’ me what we’re doin?”
 
>”As soon as we are inside, all shall be explained.”
>A symbol on the top of the door slides aside in her magical grip and a knob turns, the door opening.
>The two of you enter and see a small group of about fifteen p0nies of standard size at a long table.
>The door shuts behind you and locks.
>”Greetings, brothers and sisters. Tonight We bringeth another into the fold. This is Anonymous, a human.”
>The p0nies nod a greeting, but remain silent.
>Several platters with covers over them are spread across the dimly lit room.
>”You see, while it is a social taboo among p0nies,  there are those of us who are not satisfied by a vegetarian diet. Therefore, we gather and eat the forbidden fruit of Equestria; meat.”
>A surprise to you.
>You’d never thought horses ate meat; you didn’t feed them any back on the farm.
>Then again, you weren’t the most well-read of farm boys.
>”What we do here must remain a secret, lest all of us be in danger from Our sister’s judgment. Doth thou understand?”
>You let it sink in.
>An underground society of these pastel horses that eats meat.
>Well shit, didn’t see that one coming.
>”Come;We had Our brothers and sisters adjust a seat to match your height.”
>Sure enough, there was a seat with some books and a cushion on it that was just the right height.
>You sit down and Luna takes her place at the head of the table.
>”Let the meal begin.”
>The silver covers hover off revealing some very surprising foods.
>Looks like you were wrong about smart pigs.
>Well, that or…. Well damn, that’s morbid for talking pastel horses.
>There it was, the holy grail of pork:
>Bacon.
>Of course there were various birds that had been prepared as well.
>Chicken mostly.
>Given your assumed status as “Newbie”, you had to wait, but there was plenty to go around, even by the time your turn came.
>It appears after your display last night Luna had informed whichever of these p0nies that prepared the food to make more for you.
>Good call; you ate like crazy and almost licked your plate clean if not for the serous air about the room.
>Once the meal is complete, the group leaves in intervals, you and Luna leaving last.
>When you return to the castle she starts up conversation.
>”When We spoke of Our rule, thou spoke as if your home was not ruled like Equestria. Wouldst thou care to explain?”
 
“I ain’t a very well-read man, but I know enough to give you the basics. We got three branches o’ government. There’s the Judicial which handles all th’ courts and such, with th’ Supreme Court on top. Next is the Legislative branch. That’s the Congress and the Senate.”
 
>”What art Congress and Senate?”
>Whoo boy.
>This is going to be difficult for a simple farmhand like yourself.
>Fuck, you didn’t even know everything that went on in Washington.
>In fact, you were pretty sure nobody back home did.
>But you’d give it a shot.
 
“Far as I know they vote on laws. They’re all elected by the citizens and’re parta one’a two sides, the Republicans or Democrats. More on them with this next branch, the final one. That’s Executive. That’s the President, our country’s leader, who we also elect into office, except he can only stay in power for a maximum of two terms, or eight earth years. He has the final say in whether a law passes or fails. Course’ the Legislative branch can revote and even overrule the President’s choice. They ain’t the brightest bunch from what I can gather though.”
 
>You chuckle, but Navy horse seems confused.
>”You would speak ill of your leaders?”
 
“I come from a place where free speech is sacred. Ya’ll can say damn near whatever you want. ‘S true though. They do alota stupid things. Funny, we elect em’. Then again, politicians are all liars to a point. Course’ that ain’t the only government; there’s a ton others around th’ world. Them Brit’s got a Queen, but she don’t do much rulin’. That’s done by a Prime Minister and some kinda Parliament or somethin’… I don’t know, like I said, I ain’t a genius.”
 
>”We see.”
>An awkward silence follows until you reach your room.
>Time for your sleep.
>”We shall meet again in a week’s time, human. Sleep soundly.”
>You assume she means that’s your next time eating meat.
 
“Later. Say, what was yer’ name again?”
 
>”We are Princess Luna.”
 
“Night’ Luna.”
>Seems you’ve left enough of a good impression on her that she doesn’t chide you for not using “Princess”.
>Still, better not fuck it up next time.
>You strip down to your boxers and undershirt and curl up in bed, your revolver cozy under your extremely fluffy pillow.
 
>Next day.
>Guess who’s putting you to work again.
>White horse.
>This time you’re helping in the mines.
>A sudden feeling of Déjà vu falls over you.
>You don’t know why; this is the first time you’ve done this kind of work.
>Weird.
>You find that the tools are in fact more fitting for human hands than you thought they’d be.
>Time to get to work it seems.
>The whole thing is rather loosely organized.
>You were given a half filled in map.
>According to the guy – p0ny – in charge, it would magically fill in where you go.
>Of course there were certain areas that were off limits; a nearby wall was giving off weird vibrations.
>You pick a direction a good way off from the p0nies and start your work with a pickaxe.
>Again, déjà vu!
>You can’t explain this feeling, goddammit!
>You keep digging until you hit something.
>Something red.
>A chunk of Ruby bigger than you’d ever seen, about the size of a small microwave oven.
>But something seemed off about it.
>It was giving off glowing red sparks.
>Time to flip a coin.
>You take out a quarter and flip it.
>Heads you leave it, tails you tell the guy in charge.
>Neither; it lands on the gemstone and glows a bright red before landing on the ground.
>Not a quarter any more.
>It’s a SOLID. GOLD. COIN.
>Maybe you could get some money for it… whatever these horses used for money.
>Unfortunately, it wasn’t over yet.
>As you brought it up a bolt of red lightning struck your belt buckle, your last sign of being a true Texan, and the coin stuck to it, flying from your grasp.
>Said buckle changed into a strange device resting inside a clip of sorts.
>You removed it and decided to get a good look at it.
>It was primarily silver with two red stripes arching over and under the coin, which had some kind of lizard on it.
>Took you a moment to recognize the lizard as a dinosaur.
>Fuck if you knew which one.
>You knew your farm animals and a few wild ones you saw often enough, but you weren’t a science guy.
>There was a button on the side.
>Better not press it; who knows what might happen?
>You’ll ask Luna – PRINCESS Luna - tonight.
>For now, you decide to chip off a fist sized hunk of the Ruby and pocket it.
>As for the rest?
>Well, you go back and tell the guy in charge.
>He sends ponies off and lets you off for the day.
>Nice.
>Your appearance in public is met with some surprise, but not full blown panic.
>If the Princesses let you roam, you weren’t a threat.
>You return to the castle, avoiding white horse.
>You’d only been gone about an hour.
>Back to Solitaire.
>Sigh.
>You miss that game of Poker you played with those guards.
>That was some good fun.
>Reminded you of Poker Night with your buddies back home.
>Home.
>Look at you.
>You’d been here what, four days?
>You’re already homesick.
>Then again, there just isn’t anywhere quite like Texas.
>Castles? Talking horses in various, odd colors? Secret, underground societies that go against the norm?
>This place was insane.
>You detach the device again.
>Then there’s this thing.
>You don’t even know what it is, but for all you know it could kill you.
>Magic maybe?
>Well, those horned horses use some kind of something to levitate things.
>Might as well be magic.
>You inspect the chunk of Ruby you have.
>It’s still sparking occasionally, prompting you to set it on a nearby table.
>No, that won’t do.
>You force it under your pillow.
>Glad you requested another pillow, otherwise the Gameboy-sized (of course you played Gameboy; who didn’t?) gem would be extremely painful that night… morning… whatever.
>Fuck was it even safe to sleep on it?
>You’ll let Future Anon deal with that.
>On to hours of… Solitaire.
>Ugh.
 
>That night you’re visited by Princess Luna again.
 
“There ya’ll are. I got a couple of questions for ya. First of all,”
 
>You go to your bed, reach under your pillow, and pull out the Ruby.
 
“What the hell is this thing? Ain’t no normal Ruby. Normal Rubies don’t spark.
 
>She’s shocked.
>”Tis’ Spirit Ruby, a powerful, natural source of magic! Tis’ extremely rare. We had heard that some had been found within the mines, but We were unaware thou had taken some for yourself!”
 
“Question two: Coin touched Ruby, Coin turned to gold, coin changed belt buckle into this,”
 
>You show her the device.
 
“What in the HELL is this?”
 
>”We… do not know. Tis’ a strange device. Dost thou knoweth what it does?”
 
“Nope. There’s this button, but I don’t know ifin it’ll kill me or what.”
 
>”Tis only one way to find out.”
>She’s right.
>Only one way to find out.
>You press the button on the side and you’re engulfed in a bright red light.
>Now you’re in spandex.
>Red spandex.
>Hell no.
>Everything has a tint to it, and you realize you’re wearing a helmet.
>Luna is surpised to say the least.
>You quickly press the button again and change back.
 
“That’s not happinin’ again.”
 
>”Do you not understand what power thou hath acquired?! Spirit Ruby tis’ one of the Elements of Harmony!”
 
“Elements of what?”
 
>”The Elements of Harmony. We used them alongside Our sister to defeat Discord! They are very powerful and you would just squander that power?!”
 
“Listen here, I ain’t prancin’ around like some circus freak in spandex. I don’t give a rat’s ass what the fuck it can do. I ain’t doin that again.”
 
>You hold out the Spirit Ruby.
 
“Take this thing an’ do whatever with it.”
 
>She starts to leave but you stop her.
>She might be above poker, but she might be willing to play something a bit more… casual.
 
“Hang on. Ya’ll up for a game of cards?”
 
>Gets her attention.
>”Tis’ not often We get the chance to… socialize, as it were. I suppose We could play a hand.”
>She trots back over and the two of you set up a game of one of the most tame card games you know:
>Go Fish
 
>That night you had the strangest dream while you were asleep.
>It seemed almost real.
>Almost.
>However, you couldn’t make out any visuals, and the audio was distorted.
>”Enough…! Going to…! Warned…!” started a voice.
>Suddenly, a burning sensation then sub-zero cold.
>Then you shot awake, sitting up and sweating like crazy.
>That had been one hell of a dream.
>You didn’t’ know what it meant granted, but it was still crazy.
>After shaking it off, you go back to sleep.
>Your sleep was poor that night.