>LAST TIME
>You engaged in MORTAL SOUL-BASED COMBAT wit the Hecatonchires, the Ancient Foe that originally sundered your Glorious Might with his dickishness.
>Despite getting wounded in the soul, you were able to pimp-slap him out of your body.
>Then you teamed up with Cadence and Shining to use Love Lasers to defeat your Foe.
>The melding of Crystal and Love Magic turned Cadence and Shining into crystal ponies.
>AND NOW
 
>IT IS LATER
>You emerge from the crystal, weary.
>You go from 'weightless' to 'comfy as fuck' in a flash, sighing in relief.
>Gravity, how I've missed thee.
>Although this chair is awfully weird.
>Like some sort of full body massage in chair form.
>This feels innappropriate but you don't care.
>You hear a soft, satisfied sigh from somewhere close by.
>You lean forward a bit and glance at the chair.
>It's a Throne!
>A Throne that is actually a mish-mash of animate crystal in the shape of ponies, who take turns hugging, licking, kissing, and otherwise gently flowing around you!
>Jesus Fucking Christ!
>They make rather questionable moaning and giggling noises, roiling in ecstacy at your touch.
>Shadows dance from the dark spaces between you and your seat, skittering over the floor and dissappearing off the Royal Balconey, or cantering onto the Balconey and back under your suit.
>You are peripherally aware that something like this should be scaring you shitless.
>But you can't summon up enough shits lose.
>You're too fucking tired.
>You've spent....you don't really know.
>A long fucking time, you guess.
>The sun is STILL stuck in the sky, so no help there for figuring out that anomalous thing called the 'time'.
>How long has that been?
>1, 2, 4 days, 5 days, 10 days, a week?
>You have no clue.
>So you've spent x number of hours in the crystal, Singing.
>You've been partially celebrating by Dream Party the destruction of yet another Ancient and Moste Terrible Foe via liberaly application of gratuitous amounts of Heart, Love, and weaponized Friendship.
>...maybe 'Firendship'?
>But you've mostly been trying to heal those songs harmed by the Hecatonchires.
>So many stars were silenced by the Hecatonchires, too traumatized and wounded to Sing.
>So you, being the Shard, have been coaxing them to rejoin to Choir.
>Except having your soul torn apart tends to wreak havoc with one's ego.
>You were lucky, the Hecatonchires needing you largely intact for it's own ends, so the damage wasn't particularly bad, as well as having a direct connection to Cadence, Shining, Slutbra, and the ENTIRE FRICKIN' WHOLE being able to heal your sorry-ass Soul over.
>But for the rest, bearing the brunt of it's anger...
>They've all become jittery, spineless, nervous, self-loathing wrecks.
>They all feel along the lines that they've betrayed you and themselves and their honour and so on and so forth.
>It's sad and depressing.
>These ponies are kind-of-sort-of a part of you now.
>And it hurts, really hurts you, to not hear their voices and instruments.
>So, you've been struggling to coax them to Sing.
>Cadence has been a HUGE help, using her masterful use of the Essence of Tact and being the Avatar of Heart.
>But even then it's been frustrating, trying to work them through their issues.
>Thankfully you've worked through most of them for the time being, but you know they'll need help in the future.
>That sort of wound doesn't just heal overnight.
>You already begin to hear some Songs begin to dim.
>You sigh, wasted and weary, before grunting a bit as you feel something work on a knot in your back.
>Shit that's gooo-
>The chair moooooans in a disturbingly masculine voice.
>Jesus.
>What is poking you in the back!?
>While you seriously contemplate investing in anti-gravity, your blood...the crystal ponies begin to leave the crystal and re-enter the Realm of the Real, your trusty Cabinet amongst them.
>Precious seems to simply 'pop' into existance, refreshed and calm, sitting in an office chair in his usual spot, forehooves crossed.
>Lawful rises out of the floor as if on an elevator, draped atop a mound of crystal moulded for her limbs, sternly staring at you.
>Perched atop her is Elusive, with a clipboard and pen ready to take notes.
>The centre of the table morphs, then cracks open like a flower.
>Shadows dance and light shines from the middle.
>Like a majestic scultpure Cadence emerges in the Cockslut uniform, as well as regal attire, still and glorious, wings spread, hooves raised in canter.
>There's a crack and a flash of light, and she animates, jumping down onto the table.
>Everypony is clearly awed by this.
>They clap their hooves in appreciation.
>She trots along the table, jumps onto the ground beside you, and nuzzles you.
>Up close you can see the rings around her eyes, and her mane is slightly frazzled.
>She's as beat as you are.
"You're as bad as Celestia," you say, shaking your head, before giving her a hug.
>She smirks, FEELing smug.
>"Nah, I'm just better," she scoffs, breaking the hug and lying down at your feet and parking her head on your lap, "If she had seen that..." she gasps, suddenly, "Next time Celestia is here, we're doing that."
"Next time?" you question, scratching her ear.
>"Well, not before we have the dancers employed, and a routine organised, and fire-eaters and everything, of course," she says, leaning into your scratch.
"But, you WANT Celestia to show up?" you ask, not really getting it.
>Cadence takes in your confusion and metamorphesizes it into tease.
>"Because you haven't seen Celestia when she gets outshone," she states, mischeviously.
>The conversation is killed by a sudden, weird, cracking noise.
>You look onto the table ahead of you and-
>OH GOD THERE'S CRACKS FORMING IN REALITY.
>It's like little pieces of reality are falling off some strange object, a strange pony-shaped object-
>There's a final shudder and Shining explodes into the Real, leaping into your chest.
>"Sup," he chirps, hugging you.
>Oh god you've missed your Consensual Shining Hugs.
>You hug him back, tightly, his love FEELing its way into you.
>He sighs happily, then as quickly as he appears he turns around to scooch down next to Cadence-
>He's still in the Cockslut uniform.
>The band of crystal is still holding his tail up.
>And the g-string thingy is still very, very tight.
>You really only catch a glimpse of DAT WELL CHISELLED ASS and DAT WELL-DEFINED BALLSACK before Shining is cuddling up to Cadence on the floor.
>Shining was right.
>His ass DOES seem to be chiselled by the gayest scultpor stallions from the Appleoosa Bathhouse.
>Shining smirks up at you from the floor, FEELing proud of his well-toned flank, Cadence processing your FEELs, and smiling slightly.
>"You're Gaaaaaay," she FEELs, "Gay for Shiniiiiing."
>Had this been, like, five days ago, this would have bothered you.
>But you're kind of at a point where being gay with Shining is ultimately meaningless.
>...that's really fucking weird.
>You've gone from 'arrow-straight-slightly-bicurious' to 'full-blown-stallion-sucker-mare-fucker".
>You feel briefly worried.
>How much of that was the Hecatonchires, and how much of that was you, you wonder.
>"All you," you hear from somewhere inside yourself.
>This is new.
>You look down and Slutbra's head is just casually leaning out of your chest.
>You freeze, boggled.
>She playfully gives your face a lick.
>You blink at her, still frozen.
>"Remember, that happened BEFORE the Hecatonchires happened," she FEELs, rubbing her nose against your face.
>Ah.
>Touche.
>FEELing you understand, she crawls out of your chest-
>-Jesus that's horrifying-
>Before trotting over to her seat, giving you a good long look at her perky nethers.
>You stare, nonplussed.
>She looks back, pouting a bit at your unimpressed FEELs.
>You continue to stare, expectant.
>She sighs, then flips THAT MANE OF MY GOSH.
>THAT PURE MY GOSH.
>Those strands, those fibres, moving so gracefully and amazingly through the air, every movement a symphony, every glint of light against the sun a glorious obsidian aurora beauralis.
>ATTENTION DUELISTS: Slutbra's HAIR is giving me a boner!
>Precious watches in barely restrained awe as Lawful and Elusive both "Oooo" at the sight.
Cadence and Shining quickly poke their heads above the table to bask in the sight.
>Shining in amazement, Cadence with thick jealousy.
>Slutbra rolls her eyes, and plops down on what looks to be a normal seat.
>As she does there's a sloshing noise, the table morphs slightly, and Fiery seems to osmosis out of it.
>He casually wipes a drop off his armour, and sits down in what looks like a smoking chair.
>Raven emerges from the ceiling, and unceremoniously falls onto the ground
>"Masterful," says Lawful.
>"Ten out of ten," smirks Fiery.
>"Buck!" she groans, staggering into her cooshy lounge chair, "Going from blind-dream-drunk to being reintroduced to gravity is not an easy task, Law!"
>"Sure it isn't," says Lawful, eyeing at Fiery.
>Fiery grins.
>"Totally won that drinking game," he smiles, pleasantly.
>"Didn't matter if it was a dream-drinking-game," grumbles Precious under his breath.
>Raven flips 'The Hoof' to Lawful, then Fiery, then Precious, then to you, before sitting up.
>You boggle at her.
>What did YOU do!?
>"So, why are we back here?" she asks, "I thought we'd be on a break in the crystal or something after all the crap that's gone down."
>You sigh.
"Couldn't do it," you state, weakly, "I had to come back here and rejuvenate my mind. It's mentally draining being in there, like I'm supporting everyone's minds and...stuff," you wave your hand, around to emphasize how huge and in-depth your knowledge is of 'Stuff'.
>"Yes," says Precious, "And we also have several pressing issues that need to be dealt with."
>"Before we begin," says Raven, looking around, "What about Framework?"
>You look at the empty spot where he should be, and sigh.
"He's hurt pretty bad," you say, sad, "Having the Hecatonchires inside him has...he's with his mum and several former Grandmasters trying to help him."
>The mood in the Cabinet goes from 'General dicking around' to 'Sober' fairly quick.
>"That sucks," mutters Raven.
>"Indeed," says Precious, somber, "But unfortunately, we must press on, and get through this work, so Empire doesn't continue to suffer."
>"True," nods Slutbra, "First motion - I hearby decree that Cadence shall take up the position of Royal Spokespony. All those for?"
>There's a bunch of 'Ayes' around the table.
>Cadence gives your leg a nudge and you say "Aye" as well, not really getting it.
>"I think the Ayes have it," says Precious
>"Quick Anon, say Motion Passed!" says Slutbra.
"Motion...passed?" you venture.
>Cadence gets up off the floor, trots to your right, and leaps a bit.
>A large counch-lounge-chair-combination pops up out of the floor, just as Cadence lands on it.
>Her Cockslut uniform slithers away, leaving her in regal peraphanalia.
>She FEELs comfortable, finally, FINALLY off the floor and back where she belongs - up and about in the world of government.
>You blink.
"Wait, so we could just give someone a position, and they can join the Cabinet?" you ask.
>"It's kind of like titles," explains Precious, "The Cockslut is like a lesser title, while one bestowed by the Cabinet or Council or Parliment overrides it. She's still your Cockslut, mostly in the domain of the Royal Bedroom, but she's primarily now your Spokespony."
>"You didn't think it was weird that I got on the Cabinet?" asks Slutbra, confused.
"Not really," you say, "I thought you just used some Legalese Crystal Magic By-Law that enabled you to be a part of the Cabinet because you used to be the Crystal King, hence why you wouldn't have told me I could've done this from the beginning."
>"Well...er..." begins Slutbra, grimacing
>"Next motion - Shining to be the Captain of the Royal Guard!" interrupts Raven.
>Shining's eyes are sparkling.
>There's a bunch of Ayes, you joining them.
"Motion passed!" you say, getting the hang of it.
>He quickly climbs up, bounces to your right between you and Cadence, then sits on a giant, summoned cushion.
>He remains in the Cockslut outfit, just less the collar and band of crystal around the base of his tail.
>He FEELs sexy, giving you a good view of his Well-Defined Stallion Orbs.
>Cadence rolls her eyes.
>"Real Mature Shining," she FEELs.
>"Hey, Anonymous doesn't mind looking at my beautiful body," he FEELs back, giving his tail a tantalyzing flick, "After all, I work hard on it."
>Cadence eyes you with a long-suffering look.
>"Stop encouraging him," she flatly FEELs.
"But Cadence," you FEEL-reply, gesturing, "The ass is fat."
>She continues to stare at you, level and unimpressed.
>She REVs the magic, and rotates Shining around.
>Cadence looks at his behind impassively.
>Shining gives his rear a little wriggle, grinning at you.
>Cadence seems to be weighing something up in her head, running her eyes judgementally over his behind.
>She rotates him again, and puts him back down, his toned flank pointing away from the table.
>"Now, next on the agenda," she says loudly, turning to the table at large, "Is the ongoing Equestria problem."
>Shining and you pout at her.
>"Now boys," you FEEL from Cadence, admonishing, "You can make out later. While I'm watching. And eating strawberries dipped in chocolate. And a glass of Sparkling Crushberry Wine."
>She breaks her pause and leans forward, eyes narrowed, stare intense as she eyes the Cabinet.
>"The Last time we tried to deal with this, the Rudder of Souls screwed us up badly," she says, dangerously, "And it may have put us in a worse position for the next time."
>She leans back, regal and authoritative.
>"So, firstly, we're going to figure out our goals. Then, we're going to figure out a plan. Then, we're going to go through with the plan. Does this sound reasonable?"
>The Cabinet nods in agreement.
>The fact that something so stupidly simple was pulled off by Cadence makes you feel admiration, as well as inefficient and inferior.
>Heck, how many times did you try to do this yesterday, even WITHOUT the Hecatonchires being inside your head?
>Then again, she's been a Princess longer than you've been a 'King'.
>And... well... this IS where she belongs.
>Not on the ground, grovelling at your feet, being your personal fucktoy.
>She should be up here with you, amongst the government and nobles and all of it, where she belongs.
>And you, pointedly, do not.
>Still, it feels deeply satisfying to see here once again in Princess Mode and not Cockslut mode.
>"I reckon once our independance legitimized should be a priority" says Precious, "With that, pretty much everything else should fall into place."
>"And the garauntee that Celestia won't use the sun to hurt our agriculture and water supplies," adds Lawful, "Or invade us."
>"And I know that Framework would push for the Crystal State idea," adds Slutbra, "I mean, it essentially is right now."
>Cadence hmms, thoughtful.
>"Honestly, the Crystal State idea really isn't working for me," she states, "We'll still need investment, workers, trade et cetera from outside our borders, who aren't crystal ponies, not to mention our own exports. The only reason I can see, is if it genuinely is the will of the divine."
>She turns to you.
>"King Anonymous, while I know the Hecatonchires was adamant about non-crystalline ponies not being in Empire, how about you?" she asks, "After all, you are the vessel for the Whole, ultimately the decision should be up to you."
>You shrug.
"I'm not so sure. When I was with you when you were still squishy...it wasn't pleasant," you reply.
>You mentally look inside your Greater Self, the Crystalline Body.
>"Although, right now I'm not in a frothing rage at the existance of the diplomats within Empire, it's... like it's an itch that only gets more annoying the longer you focus on it," you ponder, "and as for...oh."
>You espy two figures inside yourself.
>You blink.
"Oh, I completely forgot about..."
>You freeze, as something the Hundred Arm Horror said just as you found the anger to rebel against him.
"Oh god what has he done?" you whisper, horrified.
>"What has who done?" asks Precious, sitting up, already sensing the Impending Diplomatic Doom.
>Cadence stares at you, FEELings being transfered.
>"He didn't..." she says, eyes wide.
>You Sing to the floor.
>Out of the ground comes a rather peeved, squirming Trixie, horn still encased with black crystal, mouth muzzled.
>She attempts to communicate something, but it fails, only coming across as whiny grunts.
>Beside her rises a rather statuesque midnight blue alicorn, with crystal tracing down twixt the ridges of her horn and into her brain.
>You can feel it in there.
>It sickens you in a deep, primal way.
>She stares ahead, her eyes glassy, a small trickle of drool threatening to dribble out of her mouth.
>But what strikes you is the smell.
>It's subtle, but wrong and foul and salty and sick, like the pulsating bodies before you.
>Then you realize it IS the bodies before you.
>Your eye twitches as you feel a little sick in your stomach.
"God dammit," you wearily breathe.
>Cadence quickly trots over to Luna, and waves her hoof in front of her face.
>"Luna? Lulu?" she asks, tentatative.
>Luna remains impassive, staring ahead.
>Precious is on the verge of hyperventilating.
>"Oh Shard oh shard oh shard," he gibbers, "Celestia is going. To fucking. Murder us. To death."
>"And then some," adds Lawful, dispassionately.
>"Can I take pictures of this?" asks Raven, gleeful.
>Cadence turns to you.
>"What did he do?" she asks, expression cold, fury flooding through her veins.
"He said that she only awaited claiming," you reply.
>Luna's eyes suddenly blink, and her head snaps to you.
>They're like a doll's eyes, lifeless and wrong.
>"Anonymous," she articulates, "Buck me."
>Cadence's head whips around, staring in shock.
>You blink.
>Slutbra blinks.
>Lawful gapes.
>Elusive quickly scribbles down "Anonymous, Buck Me," for prosterity.
>Precious gives a strangled noise once again, the sound of a diplomat's hopes being thoroughly crushed, dashed, drowned and annhiliated.
>Fiery's eyebrows raise.
>Raven freezes.
>"Of all the times I don't have a camera, it's now," she utters.
>"Luna, what-" gasps Cadence
>"Buck me, Anonymous," she says again, desperation edging in, "Buck me, hard."
>You recoil into your seat, slightly put off.
>The chair gives an orgasmic 'Ahh~hhn!' in response.
>Jesus.
>Anti-gravity Anon.
>Get a hold of Pinkie Pie, or Discord, or some other floaty pony, and figure out anti-gravity.
>"Luna, get a hold of yourself!" yells Cadence.
>"Anonymous, I can't do this," she pleads, tears beginning to form in those empty eyes, not heeding Cadence, "I can't stay like this, hollow and meaningless. I'm worthless, Celly said so, Twilight said so, everypony said so."
>"Luna, that's not true!" defends Cadence.
>"But I can be something, SOMETHING to you!" she begs, "Just, do what Twilight said. Just give my ample hindquarters a try. And, and if you like it, then, then you can use me, fill my ...worthy hole and, and I'll be whatever you want me to be."
>"Luna, seriously st-" Cadence stops, then turns to you.
>You are frozen in horror and disgust at Luna.
>With the chair in a very close second.
>"Anonymous," Cadence points a hoof at Luna's horn, "Do. Something!"
>...Oh. Right. Shard.
>You get up off the chair, grunting in tiredness.
>Fuck.
>But at least you're not on the moaning chair.
>The ground begins to morph, and it feels like your soles are being licked.
>Like, up through your shoes.
>You take a step forward, and the ground gives a low moan.
>Fucking fuck.
>Seriously, we are going to imprison Pinkie Pie, and deny her sugar and parties, and tickle her, until she tells us how she does it.
>You stagger forward, the table parting for you, Cadence warily eyeing the orgiastic sounds emenating from the floor.
>You walk up to Luna, who is sniffling, her eyes glued to you.
>You grab a hold of her horn.
>She gasps.
>"No, Anon, don't reverse this! Not, not that, please, I don't want to be useless again!" she yells.
>She doesn't move her horn though.
>She stands stock still, tears streaming down her face.
>Like a good little doll.
>This is wrong, on so many levels.
"No, Luna," you reply, "You are useful."
>She blinks at you, hopeful.
>Cadence raises an eyebrow.
>Yeah, this conversation needs to go in a different direction.
>And you need to set this right.
>IT IS TIME.
>TIME FOR DIPLOMACY.
"Sometimes in life, you end up in a situation where you have no power, despite having power, if that makes sense," you explain, "For example, when you left me imprisoned, despite being Cadence and Shining's lover, despite the crap going on, you left me in that cell to rot, while watching my Cockslut get raped and tortured."
>...you momentarily wonder exactly where YOU'RE going with this.
>And why you're undoing this and not getting back at her.
>And whether you shouldn't, dunno, make her say 'Rarity is a bucking fool who shall never be a noble under my rule."
>...that actually sounds pretty sweet actu-
>She sniffles.
>You frown, then exhale.
>You're better than this, Anon.
>You need to stop using your powers for stupid, petty, inane shit like that.
>You aren't Celestia, dammit.
"But what I learned," you ramble, "was that that all you need is the opportunity, to prove that you aren't useless, and that you can overcome," you reflect, "I escaped that cell, and I helped kill two monsters that threatened Empire."
>You focus on the crystal in her horn, going into her brain.
>Ew.
>It's touching her brain.
>YOU are TOUCHING her BRAIN.
>her GROSS, SQUIRMY, WET, FLESHY BRAIN.
>You shudder a bit, but maintain your hold.
>Albeit a little looser.
"You ... overcame being turned into a rage-angry moon-beast, and rejoined Equestrian society," you offer, "You may be useless now, but that's because of Celestia, and Twilight, and your own arrogance for trying to overthrow me in my own god-damn kingdom," you soldier on, "But the sun has to come down sometime."
>She sobs as you Sing to the crystal.
>"The moon, the stars, everything can be yours!" she yells, "You, you d-don't have to keep bucking me, if you want, just, just have me, just once, please! You know you want to, to get back at me, and Celly! I'll do whatever you want!"
>You regard her.
>This bitch has no idea you made your mind up about this a full day ago.
>Maybe.
>However long ago that was.
"I am doing what I want," you reply.
>You Sing, the crystal retreating out of her body.
>Her crying eyes roll into her head, and she twitches and contorts as the crystal flows back into your hand, black crystal beginning to grow up the back of her mane.
>Anti-magic crystals crown her as the last of the crystal soaks into your hand-
>"Anonymous," says Precious, "Was that entire dramatic speech necessary?"
>You pause, blinking.
>Oh god, you just monologued.
>Your stomach falls out from under you, and your throat clenches in abject horror.
>"You're as bad as Celestia," echoes Cadence, smirking.
"No," you say, eyes wide, "Worse. I...I have committed a far graver sin."
>Cadence looks at you, curious.
"I...pulled...a Rarity!" you choke out, sickened to the core.
>Cadence blinks, processing the information, the edges of her mouth upturning slightly.
>The last of the crystal leaves it's soiled, fleshy prison, and you retreat from the centre of the table like Dracula retreating from sunlight.
>You sit back in the chair, flicking your hand, trying to get the brain juice off.
>The comfiness doesn't drown out the fact that you just fucking monologued.
>Like a cheap republican serial villian, no less!
>You feel a hoof on your hand.
>"Don't worry Anon," says Shining, solemn, "It happens to the best of us."
>You grab his hoof, shaking.
"Maybe for ponies, but..." you inhale, raggedly, "I just thought I was better than that..."
>You sniffle, lip wobbly.
>Shining makes a noise of sympethetic compassion, rubbing your hand.
>"Oh grow UP!" snarks Cadence at the both of you, before turning to a disorientated Luna.
>Luna blinks, the eyes focusing on Cadence.
>"Wha...what..." she looks at Cadence, "Cadence...Anonymous," she growls.
>Her head snaps to you.
>"What did you do?" she icily demands.
>You pinch the bridge of your nose.
"I didn't do anything," you clarify, "It was-"
>"Do not test me Anonymous! It HAD to be you!" accuses Luna, "You who did...made me like that..." she shivers, "What else could've controlled the crystal in such a manner?"
>"The Hecatonchires got out," says Cadence, cutting across Luna's ire.
>Luna turns to Cadence.
>"The Heca...it got OUT!?" she boggles, eyes wide.
"Yeah, and it kind of tried to take me over," you state, "And through me it did...well, that."
>Luna looks at you, suspicious.
>"It's true," supports Cadence, "I helped slay it."
>Luna eyes Cadence, questioning the validity of that answer.
>"Well in that case, Anonymous," Luna turns to you, imperiously, "Why did you let it take you over?"
>You shrug.
"I don't know - how did you let me capture you?" you reply.
>"That's not an answer," replies Luna, tartly.
"I reckon it is," you respond, tersely.
>"Please," Cadence casts herself between you and Moonbutt, "This has gone on for long enough," she turns to Luna, "Lulu, you know the Hecatonchires is the Master of Lies and Unmaker of Gods. Do you really reckon Anonymous would be able to even understand an attack from it, especially when he was thoroughly drained and injured from a certain alicorn leaving him imprisoned?"
>Luna sneers.
>"I. Am not. Mine Sister!" she hotly states, "I uphold the Law. I always have. It is SHE who breaks the Law, and I who continually has to adjust for it. CONTINUOUSLY."
>"You still should have countered her ruling, Luna!" replies Cadence, fierce, "You are a Princess as well! You could have called her into question-"
>"And undermined her authority in front of all Equestria?" cuts in Luna, incredulous, "On a stage in front of our subjects? In front of the nobility, our fellow rulers? On a matter that was made a Final Decision!?"
>Luna shakes her head.
>"No. They still do not trust me, even after all this time. If I had done that, the nobles would demand my removal immediately, and threaten the Cake Budget to do so. My sister would be hurt most grieviously by that."
>She snorts.
>"But Celestia does not fully understand that, not as I do. She just does whatever she wants, and automatically assumes everypony will follow in suit."
>"So is that why she imprisoned Anonymous? She couldn't understand the ramifications that would occur, and just leapt at the opportunity?" asks Cadence.
>"Possible," replies Luna, "She fully understood the threat Anonymous was. To threaten the Equestrian Legal Code, and especially the Cake Budget so rashly..."
>"Question," asks Raven, "Something I don't understand: How can Anonymous affect the Law in Equestria?"
>Luna startles, as if suddenly realizing there's more ponies in the room than her and Cadence.
>Slutbra clears her throat.
>"When Empire came back after a thousand years, there was some difficulty in figuring out how to integrate it," she elouquents, "So the Parliment and the Imperial Council went for the simplest option - just add Crystal Law to Equestrian Law as a part of the Assimilation Act. The Equestrian nobles got some new, interesting priviledges that really only mattered in Empire, and the Imperial nobles got some democratic responsibilities they otherwise wouldn't have."
>She smiles, deviously.
>"For the most part, there was no real issue - the main problem was the position of Crystal King, which would, in matters of law and order, hold more weight than High Princess. That particular position wasn't properly dealt with, even after I showed up in Canterlot."
>You stare at the alicorns, incredulous.
>Lawful and Precious are both groaning at how dumb that sounded.
>Cadence finds the ground suddenly interesting, while Luna's mouth tightens.
>"It, it was not our fault!" Luna defends, "We were distracted! And it was the easiest solution! And, and we were busy, with, duties!"
>"With your precious Cake Budget no doubt," Slutbra sneers, "Which allowed me to survive in Canterlot. Fast forward to a few days ago, and due to Twilight being overzealous, I passed my title on to Anonymous. Who is technically now, de jure Ruler Equestria."
>You blink.
>Wait, what?
"I, I thought I could just call for reform!" you state, "To change the Law! How the hell did I end up supreme ruler?"
>"True!" scoffs Luna, "There's no possible mechanism-"
>"Laws of thee Impraile Seate, Antiquity," states Slutbra, magicking up a dusty old tome, "I found it while looking through the archives while the Hecatonchires had taken over Anonymous, to find the exact record that would allow Anonymous to change the Law. I knew it existed, but I wanted the added weight having the actual document would have. Instead, I found this."
>"She opens the front of the tome, blowing away some dust and quickly scanning through the pages.
>"Ah, here: "When the Cockslut has declared the Royal Cock Suckled Upon", which I have, "all workings of the Government shall cease until the King gives His command,"" Slutbra looks up, "It's to prevent bad practices continuing while the King figures out the issues with the legal mechanism. We've been functionaling quite well through the Cabinet with King Anonymous' direct involvement with matters of state, although most of Equestria is currently functioning illegally."
>Luna blinks once, twice, three times.
>Cadence becomes fascinated with the ceiling.
>"I can't believe you two!" Shining gasps, FEELing stunned, "I mean, even I can see it's a bad idea to simply stick another nation's laws, not to mention one from a thousand years ago, onto the Equestrian legal system. I mean, just, why!?"
>Cadence looks sheepish.
>She FEELs embarrassed as all hell, even more so than walking through the Palace in full heat with her bits exposed.
>"It really was the simplest solution," she excuses, "It would've been a six month slog just to start looking through the laws, and then decades to work out every little by-law and determine the legitimacy of each rule and law and, and, and-"
>"It was a legal nightmare," groans Luna, "So we chose the most efficient, while not the most elegant and well thought out, solution."
>"It was Celestia's idea, really," adds Cadence.
>"And she was very convincing," explains Luna.
>"Twilight wanted to do it, she really, really did," says Cadence, "but we took one look at the first subsection of Crystal Landownership out of fifty three subsections of the first section of the twenty seven section preamble, and we unanimously agreed pretty quickly for just flat-out integration."
>You rub your forehead.
>Fucking Pones.
"So. I am apparently King of Equestria," you state, tiredly.
>"And given five months you'll also be Emperor," adds Slutbra.
>You groan internally.
>Fucking Equestrian Legal System!
>"This...this cannot be!" Luna outrages, "I...We...Anonymous, I cannot allow you to be the King!" she states, regaining composure, "There should still be the Princess Veto!"
>Cadence nods, sighing.
>"Except the Veto a noble privelidge, and one that doesn't apply to the position of King, only other Princesses and titles lesser than High Princess."
>The hooves come together.
>The cocky grin is fixed on her face.
>The glorious mane shines in the light, briefly passing in front of her eyes.
>"Which comes down to the conclusion - Anonymous now has all the tools to change the Law as he sees fit, with absolute authority."
>This is the Smugbra in her natural habitat.
>Luna gapes, while Cadence blinks, thinking.
"So. I'm now in charge of changing the Law in Equestria, which is a mess. And absolutely nothing can happen until I do it," you reason.
>"Pretty much!" chirps Slutbra.
>You rub your tired eyes as you feel a headache come on.
>Luna is gabbering and making all sorts of amusing faces, while Cadence stands, ambivalent, not quite sure what to say.
>You hear Precious groan loud and long.
>"FFffffuuuuuck," he finishes, "I have to deal with Equestrian Nobles now. Fuck. Fuck my flank."
>Luna siezes upon this like a drowning rat upon a floating board.
>"Yes!" she cries, "Legally, you control Equestria - but can you do it? Can you run this entire nation, the defence, the civil services, the health system, the education system, everything - could you do it Anon?"
>You blink, lazily.
"Presumably I'd only need to run Equestria until the Law get's fixed," you reply, "Or the Empire get's independance."
>Luna frowns at you.
>"We'd NEVER accept the independance of Empire, me or my sister!"
>You roll your head over to Slutbra
"How long would it feasibly take to remove the Cake Budget and remove the position of Princess?" you ask.
>Slutbra doesn't reply.
>Her song soars, her grin widens, her eyes narrow, and her hooves begin to tap together.
>"Just. As. Planned." you practically FEEL from her.
>Luna visibly recoils
>"You wouldn't DARE!" yells Luna
>Slutbra sits up on her front hooves.
>"I'd do ANYTHING for my Master!" she yells, "Regardless of the cost! And if Anon wants to live in a world with a sensible legal system, then by the Shard I will GIVE him a world with the most sane and reasonable legal system ever!"
>This pone.
>This silly, self depreciating pone.
>This loyal, cunning, slut of a pone.
>She's doing this, done this, all for you.
>And - yep, them's bitch tears edging into your eyelids.
>Man up Anon, man up-
>Cadence eyes you warily.
>She trots over to you, leaping over the desk and landing beside you.
>"Do you know what you're doing?" she asks
>You nod, fighting the bitch tears.
>"Do you really, really know what you're doing?"
>You continue to nod.
>"And letting Slutbra handle it isn't an answer,"
>You continue to nod.
>"No, Anon, it really isn't,"
>Your nodding is supersonic speeds.
>"Anon,"
>She grabs your head, smooshing your cheeks together,
>"Anonymous, you do know that while Slutbra is a damn good lawyer, she won't take into account the needs of the Equestrians?" she states, serious.
>You eye at Slutbra.
>"If a sensible legal system involves being fair to Equestrians, then I will be the arbiter of absolute fairness!" she smiles, triumphant.
>You eye back to Cadence.
>"And how will she do that without consulting everyone who will be affected?" she asks.
>You eye back at Slutbra.
>Slutbra rises, hoof in the air, grinning cockily.
>Then freezes.
>"Er,"
>Slutbra eyes back at you.
>You eye back at Cadence.
>She frowns.
>Clearly YOU need to save your loyal Cockslut and her Amazing Mane from Smugloss!
>But how?
>You need to think of a way to administer gratuitous amounts of George Clooney's 78th Academy Award's accetpance speech, stat!
>Who would you need to properly reform the Law?
>Well, reasonably Celestia, as batshit as she is she does understand the common pony.
>And Luna understands the nobles pretty well.
>But both of them hate you.
>Unless you could bargain with them...
>Hmmmm...
>Cadence can bring a level of compassion to the Law, as well as negotiate with Sun Butt and Moony.
>And Shining can...sit there and look pretty?
>He does have a nice butt.
>Oh! He can try and calm down Twilight!
>Twilight could be the logical figurerer-outer, as well as a possible way to threaten Celestia...
>The Cabinet to overlook everything for Empire's sake.
>And Chrysalis...
>Well, she's got to be brought in in order to get a better deal for her Changelings, and get Canterlot back.
>Hmmmm...
>This seems to be a crazy old plan to figure out.
>A crazy old plan...
[spoiler]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQgXutyMa3Q[/spoiler]
>You regard Cadence, who is on the verge of an almighty exasperated sigh.
"Cadence I'm afraid I've been thinking," you say, somberly.
>Cadence's sigh briefly surfaces.
"It's a dangerous past-time, I know," you defend.
>Cadence furrows her brow.
"We need to reform all of the Laws, and our abilities are only so-so," you say, tee-toeing with your hand.
>Cadence stares at you, incredulous.
"Now the Wheels in my head have been turning, since I looked at this slutty young mare," you say, gesturing to Slutbra.
>The edges of Cadence's mouth begin twitching upwards.
"See, I promised myself I'd reform all the Laws, and right now I know of a way there!" you exclaim, triumphant.
>Shining leans into your view.
>"Anonymous, you're singing," he blankly states.
>He leans back out again.
>...fuck.
>You FEEL ill-restrained mirth from Cadence and embarrasment from Shining.
>You can tell he's shaking his head in disappointment.
>Slutbra is waiting patiently.
>"Whi-which is?" says Cadence, stifling a giggle.
>You give a long-suffering sigh.
"Well, with your, Chrysalis, Twilight's, Celestia's and Luna's assistance, along with Slutbra and the Cabinet, we would essentially have all the pieces necessary to reform the Law, properly," you explain.
>Luna scoffs.
>"And why would I help you?" she asks, sarcastically.
>You lean around Cadence.
"I COULD put the crystal back in your head and make you do it," you respond, coldly.
>Cadence's eyes narrow ridiculously.
>"You wouldn't," she FEELs at you.
>You look baat her innocently.
>Prolly not.
>"Anonymous, we both know you wouldn't do that," says Luna, flatly, "You're too soft-hearted for that. The fact you freed me at all is signatory of the fact, even after I left you to watch that slut Sombra be tortured."
>My, how eloquent.
>How very, very fucking eloquent.
>I think I've changed my mind, Cadence.
>Cadence is stunned.
>She gets off you and glares at Luna.
>"Luna!" she cries, "That's uncalled for!"
>"No! What is uncalled for is the fact that you're letting this cherade continue! I will not help you, Anonymous," she yells, regal, "Never."
>"You dare defy the King?" smugs Slutbra, smuggingly, "The consequences would be very, very grave."
>"Like?" scoffs Luna
>"Well, according to the Law, any rights the offender has are forfeited, pending trial by Crystal of Torment or acceptance of Cockslut-hood."
>Luna goes to rant-
>"And, curiously, this forfeiture of rights extends to the right itself," continues Slutbra, "So in essence, the Cake Budget would cease not only for you, but for Twilight and Celestia as well."
>Luna freezes.
>Her eyes widen in shock.
>Her mouth gapes.
>Cadence whips her head around.
>"Not for me?" she startles.
>"You're a Cockslut, remember?" says Slutbra, rolling her eyes, "You were pardoned of all your crimes - including those that would otherwise be covered by the Cake Budget - as soon as you accepted being Anon's fucktoy."
"Like I said! I pardon you of your noblenessness!" you say, grinning.
>"So this is the way it is," continues Slutbra, "You will help King Anonymous, or both you and Celestia will no longer have the Cake Budget to protect you."
>Slutbra leans forward, menacingly.
>"As for the crimes you have already committed against Anonymous, while not direct treason, are still very serious. You need to recompense him, otherwise you will also lose the Cake Budget, as well as pretty much everything else." she smiles.
>Luna glares at Slutbra.
>Slutbra's smugness is infectious, spreading to Raven and Fiery, who grin cockily.
>Even Lawful's analytically composed face is grinning.
>Luna shakes her head, desperate, as if to complain.
>"Come on Luna, you HAVE to help," Cadence sighs, "It's the LAW."
>Luna freezes once again, eyeing Cadence.
>Cadence stares back.
>Luna gulps and scrunches up her face.
>Cadence smiles, in understanding.
>She clenches her eyes and grits her jaw, and gives a strangled noise.
>"I know," you hear Cadence whisper, "I know."
>Luna opens her eyes again, her mouth wobbly.
>Cadence gently nuzzles her.
>Whu.
>This.
>This FEELing.
>Luna nuzzles back in reply.
>Oh lord you are clearly feeling THIS FEELing, from Cadence, right now, for Luna.
>You eye Cadence in a completely new light.
>Slutbra is just as stunned as you are.
>Shining however doesn't seem to care.
>"She's the Princess of Love," he FEEL-sighs, "There hasn't been a Princess she hasn't platonically cuddled in the middle of the night."
>You STARE at the non-plussed SHining, then STARE at the Cadence.
>Cadence finishes the nuzzle.
>Luna sighs, defeated.
>"Fine, I'll help your stupid Anonymous," she grumbles.
>"Thank you, Lulu," says Cadence, gently.
>She turns, sees your face, and goes beet red.
>"How much did you-" she FEELs.
"ALL OF IT," You stun with FEELs.
>Cadence regains her composure slightly,
>"Well, now that that's settled," begins Slutbra, "I believe we should contact Chrysalis?"
>You stare at her for a bit longer.
>She continues to stare back at you, DARING you to say something.
>You finally nod, summoning a screen from the floor.
>Precious and Lawful rotate to watch.
>All the while everyone continues to pointedly ignore the annoyed, grunting, swearing, squirming, muffled blue unicorn with white hair, still currently stuck to the floor.
>Awww she thinks she's ponies.
>The screen stops in the air, and flickers into life.
>The image that emerges is of Chrysalis, pacing.
>She walks back and forth in front of the throne once, twice, three times before noticing you.
>There's no sound, and you see large Changeling guards beside her, not the Harem Members like before.
>Chrysalis looks ragged and strained, and she glares at you.
>"About time Anonymous!" she growls, "What the hay happened back there!?"
"Ancient abomination happened, fought it off, we cool now," you explain.
>Chrysalis' eye twitches.
>It's like she's having a seizure.
>"Another one," she states, "You got attacked by another one. Anonymous, you are a magnet for disaster," she exasperates, sitting back down, "Where in Tartarus have you been for the past 24 hours?"
"It's only been a day?" you ask.
>"Yes, it's been a day," she scowls, "A day where everything has gone to Tartarus."
>She tiredly collapses onto the throne.
>"The water has nearly dried out from the sun, the nobles are having hug-wars and the common folk is rioting and throwing pies everywhere because they can't find any ink," she groans, "Ink is apparently the issue, not water or the fact that Canterlot is occupied, INK."
>Luna inhales through her teeth.
>"No ink?" she gasps, "No ink!? Chrysalis, you have to find some pencils or pens or something, or everything will get WORSE! The beaurocrats will eat you ALIVE if they can't write down their reports!"
>Chrysalis rolls her eyes and mutters something.
>That sounds a lot like 'bucking ponies'.
>"Anonymous, we need to fix this, and fast," she says, "I don't know how long my changelings can last."
>"Screw the changelings!" says Cadence, aghast, "Those ponies are in deep trouble! Anonymous," she turns to you, "It'll take too long to reform the Law and fix all this!"
>Chrysalis regards Cadence, sinister.
>"Pink Bitch, please back away from the meeting of important rulers and check your racism," she states, coldly.
>Cadence's head whips around.
>"Why don't you check your sexism!" she barks back, "Shining didn't deserve what you did to him!"
>"He enjoyed it, and we parted ways on good terms," says Chrysalis, haughty, "Isn't that right, Tiny-Dick?"
>Cadence materializes atop a startled, and semi-aroused, bashful Shining.
>"Shut up!" Cadence yells, feeding LOVE and ACCEPTANCE and YOU HAVE A BIG DICK, REALLY into Shining.
>And by proxy you and Slutbra.
>You both roll your eyes.
>"You didn't part ways on the 'best of terms'!" screeches Cadence, furious, "You ground down his self-esteem to nothing and used him like a puppet!"
>"And he liked being a good puppet," Chrysalis replies, cool as a cucumber, "And when he wasn't a puppet...well, we have been playing Hyperspace Hyperwars regularly for the past couple of months behind you back."
>The look of shock and betrayal on Cadence's face is horrifying.
>She looks down, stern.
>Shining FEELs scared and confused.
>"Shining..." says Cadence sternly, "I thought I told you to get RID of those TOYS."
>"I, er, but, I," he gabbers.
>"Oh?" cuts in Chrysalis, "Odd. Shining was under the impression you LIKE toys, Cadence."
>Cadence practically jumps.
>"YOU TOLD HER!?" she yells.
>"I'm, I'm so, so sorry!" he pleads, "It was, in the heat of the moment! It just ... sort of ... happened!"
>Shining..." groans Cadence, hoofing her face.
>"He is such a good little boy," says Chrysalis through a toothy grin, "Even with such a teeny tiny prick."
>Cadence is so mad right now, you swear she's going to hulk-out.
>She's breathing hard, her crystalline body seeming to grow spikes out of everywhere, eyes glowing red-
>Yes, clearly this has gone too far.
"Please, ladies," you interject, "This childishness has gone on for long enough!"
>Cadence continues to fume at everything while Chrysalis continues to sit smugly on her throne.
"Please, Cadence," you plead.
>She grumbles, sitting back down atop Shining.
>Shining FEELs above and beyond terrified.
"We decided to contact you to formulate a plan to end this," you state to Chrysalis, "Essentially, we are going to negotiate with Celestia to reform the Law so it isn't a complete mess. In return for your support, and willingness to return Canterlot-"
>"You'll argue for better rights for changleings despite the big pink hater and give me Fluffle Puff blah blah same as last time?" she utters, annoyed.
>"King Anonymous has absolute legal authority in Equestria right now," Slutbra speaks up, "So he'll garauntee it if you return Canterlot."
>Chrysalis looks at her, then you.
>"Then if that's the case, and you give me Fluffle Puff, I'll assist," she says, "So, do you have a plan?"
>You shrug.
"No clue. We rang you up because we needed to do that," you say.
>"We do have a general idea of what we desire, though," says Precious, beginning to pick up a parchment.
>Chrysalis is briefly thoughtful.
>"Get Library Princess to calm down using Dickless, use Library to scare or reason Celestia into helping us, and then using our combined experience and knowledge, reform the law so it makes sense and whatever you guys want. Then you fork over Trixie to Books, Books forks over the Fluffle to me, I return Canterlot, and all this stupid crap ends," she states.
>Precious blinks.
>Before half gesturing, half shrugging.
"Sounds about right."
>Chrysalis sighs.
>"Okay, now use your Crystal Magic bullcrap and contact Twilight," says Chrysalis, "The faster you do it, the faster we can get this over and done with. Not that it hasn't been...amusing," she grins at Cadence.
>You give the thumbs up and summon yet another screen, this time behind Raven and Fiery.
>The screen raises, but just spews out static.
>You blink, startled.
>Luna struggles t turn her head, na d spots the static.
>"Anonymous, you truly are a fool," says Luna imperialously, "If it were that easy to contact Twilight Sparkle, we would have been able to talk her down WITHOUT your wise counsel and excellent tact."
>"She does have a point," adds Chrysalis, "I would have probably left Canterlot with Fluffle Puff by now."
>Fair cop.
>How on earth are you going to contact Twilight?
>Hmmm, this needs a crazy old pl-
>"...you said you needed Love Magic to break the barrier, correct?" pipes up Fiery.
>Luna struggles to move her head around.
>"Damnation - Anonymous, can you free me so I can actually talk to whoever's behind me?" she asks.
"Nope," you courteously reply.
>Luna seems to begin to think about snarling at you, before thinking better of it.
>"Yes, Love Magic should break Twilight's shield. It's made of pure Magic, but Love Magic should be able to dispel it, particularly when it's breaking Harmony so badly."
>...
"So, once again, the answer is 'Love Magic, because,'" you groan.
>This fucking place.
>"Trust me Anonymous, it's a LOT more complicated than that," replies Luna, hotly, "I thought I would dumb it down to 'Stupid Ape' so you could-"
>"LUNA," grunts Cadence, "NOT IN THE MOOD."
>Luna recoils slightly.
>"Alright, alright," soothes Luna.
>Cadence snorts, then settles back down on top of Shining.
>Shining squeeks, feeling very small.
>Cadence seems to have a blockage as she simultaneously wants to punish her beloved Shining, but also preventing him from not feeling so inferior.
>You sigh.
"So, Cadence," you sigh, "Could you help us out please?"
>She huffs at you.
>She huffs at Chrysalis, then Luna, before turning to you and huffing again.
"Please," you ask, reaching out with your love and affection.
>She scrunches her face so adorably, before giving a defeated little sigh.
>Her horn REVs, and the static on the screen suddenly blinks into life.
>Twilight is rubbing her hooves together on her pile of books.
>Around her are a crowd of statues of ponies, all looking rather shocked.
>She is giggling madly, twitching every so often, glowing slightly red, her mane contorting and stretching, her skin roiling with unseen power.
>In the back, you see Fluttershy, bawling her eyes out in the cage, clutching a stoned Spike.
>Celestia and Rarity are now also encaged, looking rather worried.
>"Yes, it's only a matter of time until-"
>She pauses, seeing you.
>She blinks once.
>Then again, but reaaaally slowly.
>Her grin disappears.
>"Anonymous," she states.
"Twilight," you say by greeting.
>She continues to stare.
>"...well, this is awkward," she giggles.
"Why?" you ask, tentatively.
>"Because I kind of sent Discord to Empire to get Trixie and destroy everything," she says, before breaking back into a manic, giggling fit.
>...well fuck.