The Toglodyte
9:52 PM
 
night lumber
 
so i'll listen to it eventually
 
but for now...
 
gather round my duckies, and listen well, as I present:  Story Time with That One guy - My first (and last) waxing.
picklehead42
9:53 PM
 
I must follow in Lumbers footsteps. I have schooling tomorrow, and midnights my max
Tomorrow I can say "fuck bedtime!" and party forever
Lasagna
9:53 PM
 
HOW DID HE VOICE THAT
picklehead42
9:53 PM
 
I'll stay for TOG, but then I'm gone
The Toglodyte
9:54 PM
 
sweet
picklehead42
9:54 PM
 
I don't know Las
Baratone
9:54 PM
 
I don't know either
Theseus
9:54 PM
 
>Fill me like a balloon, big guy
picklehead42
9:54 PM
 
But show that to any producer and I'm sure you're hired
Theseus
9:54 PM
 
^fucking lel
picklehead42
9:55 PM
 
If you can voice that, you can voice anything
The Toglodyte
9:55 PM
 
Right then so I was going out with this girl, and this is late highschool, who's name shall be claire, and the two of us had this sort of FWb thing going in, only leaning more towards a couple than just fuckbuddies
picklehead42
9:55 PM
 
Well that seems boring
 
But continue
 
Companionship>sex can work
The Toglodyte
9:56 PM
 
So anyways, as I'm sure at least one other writefag does, I tend not to really keep things too neat downstairs.  I mean obv i bathed, i kept cleam and all that jazz, but i never really was willing to put anything that could potentially draw blood down there.
picklehead42
9:57 PM
 
>not using a Bowie knife
 
Pussy
Lasagna
9:57 PM
 
to be honest
Domino
9:57 PM
 
List is updated
http://pastebin.com/zpqW4fYc
Lasagna
9:57 PM
 
i really like your pinkie voice
Baratone
9:58 PM
 
Thank you Dom
Domino
9:58 PM
 
Bar, you forgot to mention who found it, ya bastard
Baratone
9:58 PM
 
Sorry....
Domino
9:59 PM
 
It's cool man.
The Toglodyte
9:59 PM
 
Well one day, Claire gets on my ass about how it's uncomfortable for her when she goes down on me, and how she'd really appreciate if i cleaned it up a bit.  Now i know what yall might be thinking, "fuck her, it's your ball fur, and you do with it waht you want"  but this bitch was really good at sucking my dick, lemme tell you.  She did this thing with her tongue, where she sorta managed to basically jerk me off in her mouth, with her tongue.  Was the wierdest and hotest shit ever.
Domino
9:59 PM
 
...go on...
The Toglodyte
9:59 PM
 
So i make a compromise, I tell her to find me a way to clean up without any blades, and we'll be cool.
picklehead42
9:59 PM
 
I'd say keep it neat, a forest just ain't cool. But keeping it bald is just weird
Domino
10:00 PM
 
>inb4 lighter
picklehead42
10:00 PM
 
She got that weird lotion that makes the hair fall off
 
Didn't she
Domino
10:00 PM
 
She burned it all off
The Toglodyte
10:00 PM
 
Obv this was before i knew anything at all about waxing, so when she told me she had gotten me an appointment for it at some salon place downtown, i just went along with it.
Domino
10:01 PM
 
Oh god no.
picklehead42
10:01 PM
 
Anus has reached maximum pucker
 
Cringe levels critical
 
Toes pointed skyward
 
Eyes squeezed shut so hard it makes a cool noise that I imagine space sounds like
 
Go on
Domino
10:03 PM
 
Oh Florida, you crazy
http://imgur.com/a/pRp3E
The Toglodyte
10:03 PM
 
We arrive at the place, around 5p, and this is spring, just before the onset of summer, so shit is hot, and the few people who are sitting here waiting, look absolutely miserable.  It doesn't ease my burgeoning anxiety to see them like this, so i just take a seat, grab a mag, and try to ignore the others as Claire goes over and gets all the appointment shit settled
Baratone
10:03 PM
 
Ii hope you guys enjoyed
Theseus
10:03 PM
 
Definitely did, Bar.
Domino
10:03 PM
 
I'm only on Part 2
picklehead42
10:04 PM
 
You...
You just...
...you can stay...
The Toglodyte
10:05 PM
 
I'm sweating, from the heat and the nerves, and soon enough, she comes back, and is pulling me forward with her, behind the counter, past some closed doors, and into this little room with a bed, a cabinet, and an old white woman with slightly yellowed teeeth, and a smile that looks as plastic as her big ol' titties
 
wasn't hot though
Domino
10:06 PM
 
Bar, I can't stop laughing at your Pinkie voice
 
This is great
picklehead42
10:06 PM
 
I can't take it
I'm done
See you guys tomorrow
I just can't take the cringing, the puckering, the eyes clenched shut.
And I'm tired. But the other things are the main reason
Keep it right
Raritan
10:06 PM
 
I love you.
 
<3
Domino
10:06 PM
 
Bye Pickle
The Toglodyte
10:06 PM
 
i was like whatever, said hello, claire left fter sucking my tongue out of my face, and then she (old tits) had me lie down and pull off my pants.  Don't gotta say how awkward that was, especially cuz her bog tits were heaving and jiggling pleasently as she explained what was about to happen
Theseus
10:06 PM
 
Night Pickle.
Baratone
10:07 PM
 
Sweet dreams Pickle
The Toglodyte
10:07 PM
 
night pickle, tomorrow you get a private recount
 
director's cut
picklehead42
10:07 PM
 
>sweet dreams
Good lord man. After this shit? Not a chance
10:07 PM
picklehead42 dives out the window
Domino
10:08 PM
 
Bar, this is great. Your Pinkie voice is just...
The Toglodyte
10:08 PM
 
Right, so she's explaining, i'm focused on her tits, trying not to pop wood, and grunting affirmatives so she'll hurry the fuck up already
Domino
10:08 PM
 
It's just bad enough to be good.
The Toglodyte
10:09 PM
 
She evetually smiles that same fake smile, and gets up to rummage around in the cabinets, before starting up something that humss and whirs a bit.
Domino
10:09 PM
 
And done.
Baratone
10:09 PM
 
I can't do high pitched voices well
The Toglodyte
10:10 PM
 
minute later, she comes back, and lays a little bowl with like a ladle thing in it on a little table next to us, as well as a few sheets of like butcher paper
Domino
10:10 PM
 
If you've done any other narrations, give me a link to put on the list.
Theseus
10:10 PM
 
>40yo virgin time
The Toglodyte
10:11 PM
 
I don't see the wax, so i don't know what's in the bowl, but i'm already regretting having payed more attention to her pendulous mams than her expositional dialogue
Baratone
10:11 PM
 
I shall Dom
The Toglodyte
10:11 PM
 
I close my eyes, because i'm hoping that'll help, and then i feel the hot-ass wax drip on my left fucking nut
 
and i open my eyes right the fuck up, in time to see her dollop a fucking spoonful of this shit right fucking next to my now hard cock.
 
fear and pain turn me on, what can i say?
Theseus
10:12 PM
 
HA!
Domino
10:13 PM
 
Tog, get on with it. I wanna hear how you screamed like a bitch.
The Toglodyte
10:13 PM
 
She's got a much more sincere smile now, as she smothers the molten shit "unintentionally" brushing her palm against my shaft every other pass.
Domino
10:14 PM
 
You got a handy from the wax lady
 
Bar, I found a young Chrysalis
http://i.imgur.com/NAcX4q1.png
The Toglodyte
10:14 PM
 
And i'm just screaming intrnally, one, this bitch is about to fucking rape me, and two this bitch is getting off on killing my dick.
Domino
10:15 PM
 
What's so bad about that?
The Toglodyte
10:16 PM
 
She puts down the first sheets of wax paper, and it feels pleasantly cool on my now aching cock, especially when compared to the formerly molten wax that has now cooled down, and admittedly feels fucking sweet all over my nuts.
 
and i'm stupid as shit, so i don't see where this is going
Domino
10:16 PM
 
Hey Baratone
The Toglodyte
10:17 PM
 
she begins counting down, just as i begin to relax, and when she reaches 2, i realize the tiny pressure on my cool paper balls
 
i have enough time to suck in a breath, and she tears that shit like she was starting an old lawnmower with a busted engine
 
And i'm not gonna lie
Domino
10:18 PM
 
>inb4 now you don't have a dick
The Toglodyte
10:18 PM
 
I screamed, like a bitch
 
As well as cumming
Domino
10:18 PM
 
Called it
The Toglodyte
10:18 PM
 
and it got in her hair
 
and she just smiled at me
 
and i fucking cried
Domino
10:18 PM
 
Dude, I need to high-five you.
The Toglodyte
10:19 PM
 
And then she pulled the other one
 
And the other
Theseus
10:19 PM
 
WHAT.
 
You actually fucking came from that?
The Toglodyte
10:19 PM
 
untill all i could feel, below the belt, was this white hot excrutiating pain, and my nuts felt like they were not even there anymore
Theseus
10:19 PM
 
That's so awkward.
The Toglodyte
10:20 PM
 
she just walked out, with the cum still in her hair, and i was left sobbing and cradling my now bald crotch.
 
Claire came back in, with, and get this, a fucking camera.
 
and she was just laughing, and mocking me in my ruined state.
 
and all i could do was just lay there, and hope that she gets hit by a bus i pushed her in front of
Domino
10:21 PM
 
That.
 
Was.
 
Glorious.
The Toglodyte
10:22 PM
 
talking about it, i still can remember that old bitches big tits
 
if she were 7 years younger
 
i would have tried something
 
but no
Domino
10:23 PM
 
Now, where's Baratone? I have something for him.
10:22 PM
The Toglodyte crawls over into a corner and sobs a bit at the memory