The Bradically Unlawful Adventures of Axel and Brad: Highway to Hell
 
>"GUUAUHHH!"
>Brad had just submerged from a warm lake in a park.
>His coat, burnt and scratched.
>He held on to some ducks as he went to shore.
>Fluttershy sees Brad and quickly comes to his aid.
>>"Oh my gosh! B-Brad!"
>"AHK, it's...it's over."
>Applejack follows Flutters to see Brad.
>She's surprised.
>>>"BRAD? I thought you were..."
>"Axel...he's...he sacrificed his life for us."
>>>"WHAT?"
___________________________________________________________________
HOURS AGO
 
>Tis a beautiful late afternoon here in Canterlot High.
>Everyone's going home, smiles on their faces, hearts filled with glee.
>Except for you. You'd be bored as hell this weekend.
[spoiler]*cough*[/spoiler]
"Hurrmm."
>You decided to go to the library to check out a book to read for the weekends.
>After all, what's a hall monitor to do if he's not monitoring the halls?
 
>You went inside the library, skimming through the titles of the books.
"Life of Pi...nah..."
>The math life isn't for me.
"Lasso Lass"
>It's not even finished!
"Dredd: Official Movie Novel"
>Read that like three hundred and three times.
"Old Man Norman"
>Laziest author ever.
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
>Been there, explored that.
"The Life and Times of a General in /mlp/"
>I'm not that miserable.
"Abnormal Boreman"
>Title says it all. Pass...
"The Divine Comedy"
[spoiler]*cough*[/spoiler]
>I don't see anything funny about divinity.
 
>So many books, but nothing for you to -
>Wait! THAT'S IT!
>DELUXE ENGLISH EDITION OF THE RUSSIAN HISTORY AND LAWS.
"I don't care about Russia, but the word 'law' knows how to reel in customers."
>You take the book to the librarian.
>Librarian stamps it and gives the due date.
>You thanked her and walked away from the humble librarian.
>As you did, Sophia approaches you.
>"Well well. Surprised to see you out of the halls for once."
"Can it, lawyer girl. I am here to rid my weekend of boredom, and I shall do it with this book!"
>"Whatever you say, though I'm not here to exchange pleasantries."
"Then what?"
>"Got an anonymous tip. Someone intends to break the law tomorrow night."
>The words 'Break the Law' that came from her lips oozed you with adrenaline.
"I SHALL BREAK THEIR SPINES AND USE THOSE AS CHOPSTICKS!"
>"Calm down. Heard they were planning to do some illegal things on the school grounds at 11:30."
>There it is again.
>Her words spoke of 'planning' and 'illegal'.
>You just want to grab the flag pole and stab it at those cruel violators.
>"Err...Axel, are you alright?"
>You shaked your fist at the ceiling as your shades lens-flared' across the library.
 
"IN HIGH-SCHOOL HALLS, IN UNPAID TAX"
"NO EVIL SHALL ESCAPE MY AXE!"
"LET THOSE WHO QUESTION THE LAWBRINGER'S MIGHT!"
"BEWARE MY POWER, AXEL JONES' FLIGHT!"
 
>With that, you fart with the intensity of a regular taco-bell eater and  blew your pants away.
*PHHHHHWWWBBBBTTTTTTTTT*
>Leaving behind a smoke of undescribable horror, you flew away to your home to ready yourself for tommorow's entrapment operations.
>"*cough*...I will never get used with that guy. *cough*" Sophia said.
 
THE NEXT NIGHT AT CANTERLOT GROUNDS
 
>One night in a closed Canterlot High, a group of students stands by to wait for...HER.
>"Mate, are you sure she's coming?" says a shady person wearing a hoodie.
>>"She will."
>The night is as bright as a lit billboard.
>From beyond the fog, comes a woman of pure apple culture.
>The woman they call...LASSO LA-I mean, APPLEJACK!
>And she pushes a wheelbarrow carrying a surprise wrapped in a huge blanket.
>"You're late."
>>>"Fashionably late, as Rarity would say. So, you got the thing?"
>The shady group looks at each other, before taking out...THE THING.
>A small fruit of red complexion. An apple, if you will.
>The apple is surrounded in a dark and demonic aura, based on the floating little burning seeds around it.
>>>"Now that's an apple."
>"Our payment?" one of the shady people asks.
>Applejack puts her hand on the blanket, and shoves it away, revealing...THE PAYMENT.
>>>>"MMMPPH!"
>It's Brad, and he's tied up with handcuffs. His mouth is muffled by a BDSM gag.
>Applejack takes it off.
>>>>"PTUUWEEY! Applejack, when you said you wanted to tie me up, I didn't mean you'd take it this far!"
>>>"Sorry about this, Brad. Nothing personal. Just the fate of the earth depends on...YOUR SACRIFICE!"
>>"The great demon of hell shall be unleashed, and we needed a human sacrifice. That sacrifice...IS YOU!"
>>>>"Will you please stop emphasizing the ends of your sentences, please! W-wait, I'm about to die!?"
>>>"Yep. Your life for the demonic apple."
>>>>"B-BUT I CAN'T DIE! I'M STILL A VIRGIN!"
>>>"..."
>>"..."
>"..."
>>>"We're wasting time. We need to do the ritual now!"
>"I'm sorry for this, boy. Your sacrifice shall not be in vain."
>>"MATE! PREPARE THE RITUAL!"
>"Yeah!"
 
>The ground lights up with a ritual circle.
>The symbols slowly burns with fire.
>Fire spreads throughout the school grounds as Brad's impending doom makes him scream like a little girl.
>>>>"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~"
>Oh the horror!
>Oh the insanity!
>Who can save him now?
 
*rumble*
>"Did you hear that?"
*rumble grumble*
>>>"Any of y'all bring a haunted closet out in the open?"
>"How did we not notice a random closet in the middle of the school grounds"
>The closet shakes as one of the shady people moves in closer to investigate.
>He listens closer, and closer, and closer...
>Until he hears a voice of law and order.
>>"Oh shi-"
 
*KRACKA-BOOOOMM!"
>You, Axel [spoiler]Forsythe[/spoiler] Jones, bursts out of the closet and beats up the nearest guy to the closet.
>>"GOOPHH!"
>You stomp on his face as you finish your midnight sandwich.
 
"I'VE HEARD ENOUGH! DEMONIC RITUALS OUTSIDE OF WINTER IS COMPLETELY ILLEGAL! I'M TAKING YOU PERPS IN!"
>>>"Aww shucks, the ritual!"
>"If the ritual doesn't finish, we'll all be damned by the end of the world!"
>>>"Ahh'l keep 'im distracted!" Applejack says as she gets her lasso.
 
>You spinned your axe and posed for justice as the lasso-wielding lass [spoiler]*cough*trademark*cough*[/spoiler] tries to throw her rope at you.
>But she is of no power against you as you chopped every inch of her rope.
*SWHINGWHSWANGSHWINGSHWANG*
>>>"Aww Shucks."
"NO THREADS, ONLY JUSTICE!"
>You lunge onto the apple woman, preparing to slice that apple in two!
>But she had already forseen such an occasion.
>She gets her hand to her pocket and pulls out...POCKET SAND!
>She throws it at you whilst dodging to her side.
"AAAHH MY EEEYYYEEE...GLASSES!"
>Your sight has been sanded! You roll in defeat to one side.
>>>"HOW'S THE RITUAL, FELLAS?"
>"WE'RE ALMOST DONE! THE DEMONIC HANDS HAVE RISEN TO CLAIM OUR SACRIFICE!"
>>>>"I am so not in the mood for a hellish hand-job. HEY! KEEP YOUR BURNING PALMS OFF ME!" Brad says as he kicks the giant hands from the ground away from him.
>You regain your strength and went in to tackle Applejack.
"FIEND! HUUMPH!"
>>>"CRUD!"
>You pin Applejack to the ground as she bumps the ritual-bro out of his place.
>"NO! THE RITUAL! THE APPLE!"
>The mystical demonic apple falls from his hands and rolls to Brad's lap.
>Brad, being chained by cuffs at the moment, couldn't do anything.
>But the mystical apple does something on its own.
>It magically opens a black hole that sucks everything near it.
>>>>"NOT BRADICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhh-"
>Brad is sucked inside the black hole.
"HUUUMPH!"
*TSHAAANK!*
>You hold on to your axe, latched to the ground as everyone else holds on to whatever they could find.
>But not for long, as your little pocketbook from your pocket get's sucked in the portal.
"NO! MY LIBRARY-BORROWED DELUXE EDITION OF THE RUSSIAN HISTORY AND LAWS! I'M NEARLY AT THE LAST CHAPTER!"
>>>"PUTIN IN DISGUISE THREW THE SHOE ALL ALONG!!!" Applejack yelled with a teasing smile.
"CURSE YOU APPLEGIRL FOR RUINING THE PLOT TWIST!"You yell at the top of your lungs.
>Still, no time to slice the girl in two. You need to save your book!
>It's the law to return that book to the librarian before its due date!
>You unlatch your axe and dived into the black hole, hoping to find the book.
"GRRAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
>The surprise and horror on Applejack and her shady friend's faces hits max.
>>>>>"THE END IS UPON US!"
>>"WE'RE DOOMED!"
>>>"SAVE MAH APPLES!"
>>>>"IT'S HAPPENING!"
>"Whoa, calm your tits, mates."
>The summoner calmly closes the portal.
>Everyone falls to the ground as well as the items that had been lucky enough to stay in midair.
>"Think about it, fellas. Instead of 10,000 years of peace, we have 20,000 now with two sacrifices."
>>>"Oh yeah. MAH APPLES ARE SAVED!"
>>"HUZZAAAH!"
>"I'M GONNA GO HUMP A TREE!"
 
 
Meanwhile, in the void of unknowingness of knowing.
 
*PPSSHHHWWEEEEWWW*
"HURGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRGGH... UMPH!"
>You land on ground. a rocky place of unknown territory.
>You shook your head from the heavy fall.
>Tasting the ground, you knew this was not the same dirt back at Canterlot.
>You stood up and fixed your glasses.
>Looking left and right, the ghost-infested place may chill a normal person's spine, but not yours.
>For you are Axel Jones, and as you read the sign above the fiery gates, you stood bravely.
 
[[ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTERS HERE]]
 
"Drokk, am I in 4chan again?" you pondered to yourself.
>But something beyond the gate captures your curiosity.
>You entered anyway, ignoring the warning.
>As you walk, you slowly realize where you are.
>Burning souls of the damned.
>Corpses, lined up to recieve their punishment.
>Demons flying about, taunting and torturing with their pitchforks.
"I'm in hell..." You quietly remarked. "Darn."
>A demon starts poking your cute little buttocks with his own pitchfork.
>"NYEAHAHAHAHAHA. GET A MOVE ON, RINGO!!"
>You grabbed the drokker by the throat and interrogated him.
>"GYAK! Y-YOU DARE CHALLENGE A DEMON, DAMNED SOUL?"
"I'm not here to play games. I'm here to find a book."
>"AAAHH...THE BOOK THAT CAME THROUGH HERE, EH?"
"Drokk straight. WHERE IS IT?"
>The demon laughs.
>"NYAHAHAHAH. Too late, boy. Our lord Satan has already grabbed hold of it. If you want to get it back, you'll have to travel through the NINE CIRCLES OF HELL!"
 
*DEN DEN DEEEEEHHHHNNN*
 
"Oh, okay." You calmly say as you threw the demon away effortlessly.
>"GAK! W-wait a minute! Are you stupid or something?"
"Hmm?"
>"The nine circles of hell is the foulest, place ever imaginable. You'd lose your sanity and humanity before you could even reach Satan!"
"Ugly man, I've been through a convention for furries chasing down a perp. I've gone through a Star Wars convention dressed as George Lucas in a Jar Jar Binks costume. I went to 'Dreddchan' and survived through their hugcubing threads. I'VE BEEN THROUGH SIMULATIONS OF HELL."
>You step to the end of the room to where the souls are lined up.
>They await their turn to jump into the crack at the end of the room.
>Beyond the crack, the yells of the damned ring through your ears.
>Burning lava lights up the room through the crack.
>"Heheheheheh." The demon laughed. "Not so tou-"
"Hush, ugly man!" you say as you covered the demon's mouth."
>You looked at the demon one last time, and asked;
"What circle is Satan in?"
>"The ninth, of course. But can you survive the the HORRIFIC, TERRIFYING, NIGHTMARI-"
>You ignored him and jumped anyway.
>For your library book is in danger of making you break the law!
>AND YOU WILL NOT ALLOW THAT, FOR YOU ARE, AXEL FORSYTHE JONES!
 
>"I wasn't finished yet!" the demon yelled at you.
>Too late. You're already far below
>"Prick."
 
CIRCLE OF HELL ONE: LIMBO'S LINT
 
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...UMPH!"
>You land on a small cabbage pot...OF DOOOOMM!
"DROKK!"
>The cabbage patch rises up to try and attack you, but they were no match for your axe-fu!
"HURGH. HAH. HAA-YAAAH!"
*SWIIING*
>The cabbages are defeated.
>You walked along the first circle of hell to see the giant demon judge each poor damned soul to whichever hell they belong.
"Hurm..."
>You decided to forget the line and started to cut through.
>"HEY WATCH IT!"
>>"THERE'S A LINE HERE, PAL!"
>>>"HEY! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WAITING TO GET CONDEMNED HERE, ASSHOLE!"
"This is official law business, scums!"
>You caught the giant demon's attention.
>"You. The one with the axe. Come forth."
>You come forth as requested.
>"Hmm, you are neither living nor condemned. What is your purpose here."
"I need to go to Satan's circle. That man has my library book, and I will stop at nothing to retrieve it. It is the law of the library that I should return it before it's due."
>"You play a dangerous game, boy."
"What is your name, oh giant ugly being of hell?"
>"My name is Minos, and I deny you the right to go directly to Satan's circle."
"What? Why?"
>"Mostly because no one's ever used that 9th circle elevator right there. It's been rusting ever since Judas last used it, that dunderhead."
"Ugh."
>"Look boy, I got a lot of souls to condemn. If it's any consolation, you can take the long way through the stairs."
>You see the stairs and walked to it.
>Down the stairway goes on and on and on, like a pitless hole.
>Tired souls crawl up in an attempt to escape, but they couldn't go through another step.
>It's a stairway to hell, and no way can a soul go up again.
"I'LL TAKE IT!"
>"Good luck, pal."
>You salute the bro of a demon and went down the stairs
 
CIRCLE OF HELL TWO: LUSTER'S LEVEL
 
>You see harpies flying through the air as you went down to the second circle of hell.
>Naked harpies, succubus tempting the paralyzed souls, bestiality...
>They make you sick.
>As you ignore the ladies trying to seduce you, you hear a cry for help.
>"HEEEEEEELPPP!"
>And it's a dude's voice.
"What the drokk?"
>You look around to see BRAD, and he's swimming in pussy.
>Like literally being clawed to death by cats with human vaginas.
 
>As a man of the law, you must protect your fellow man from the demonic seduction of EEEEEVIIIIIIIL!
"I'M COMING, MAN-WHORE!"
>You grabbed your axe and started slashing away against the women of sex and violence.
>>"GET HIM AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" The succubus demons scream at you with their super sonic voice and their jiggling flesh.
>Their voices barely makes a crack on your shades as you ran awkwardly to their direction with an axe raised up.
"I have an axe to grind with you punks!"
>You crouched, slashed and burned your way throuh.
>Bits of their wings, hair and nails fly through the air.
>"OH GOD, AXEL? SHIT! SAVE ME SEXY DEMONS! SAVE ME FROM THAT MANIAC!" Brad yelled.
>Brad flailed his arms up as he is pulled down the pits of feline hell.
"NOT TODAY HUUURRMPH!"
>With the Superman themesong playing in your head, you leaped up in the sky and tackled Brad out of the pond of cats in slow motion.
>You and Brad stumbled down to the ground.
>"OH GOD, YOU'RE HERE! I AM IN HELL!"
"Quiet, man-whore! I'm here to save you and my book."
>You and Brad stood up as a stampede of hot harpies goes to your location.
>As you readied your axe, a giant head of a dog bursts from the ground, upon hearing the commotion.
>>"RUFF!" said the giant dog as it captures Brad into its mouth."
>"AAAAHHH!"
"MAN-WHORE!"
>The dog's head burrows back down the hole.
>The harpies are still coming after you.
"Alright you drokks, who wants to give me a ride?" You say with a smirk, holding the axe of justice close.
>The harpies screamed as they make their way to you.
>You jumped and latched on to one of the flying dastards.
>>"AAAAIIIEIEEE!"
>You then hung on tight as you surfed down the dog's hole with a bleeding harpy as your guide.
 
CIRCLE OF HELL THREE: GLUTTONOUS GUTS
 
>The large hole leads you through the bottom, revealing the hole to be a shortcut portal to the next
>>"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!"
"SHUT IT!" you say as you decapitate the demon's head.
>Jumping off the lifeless damned soul, you land on the ground and smelled the foul decaying corpses of the circle.
"This is revolting."
>You walked around as giant blobs eat through the meat and rot.
>Their stomachs have been busted open, as the skin under their tongues are broken through, forever cursed with the insatiable hunger that they've always had in their lives.
>One of the blobs sees you and waddles towards you, yelling 'FRESH FLESH!
>You took a large bone, presumably a T-Rex's leg and used it as a baseball bat.
"Batter up."
>You smashed the bone on its side, flipping away to the fog of unknown decent.
 
"Looks like team blubber's blasting off again."
 
>The other blobs heard you and began waddling to you as well.
"WHO'S READY FOR ROUND TWO?"
>But before they attack you, a howl was heard.
>>"AWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
>The blobs are startled. They ran away in fright.
>The ground then shakes as multiple 'thumps' are heard.
>Something giant comes.
 
>Lo and behold, a large three-headed dog with tiny wings comes towards you.
>Judging from the small smudge on the left one's face, that's where that blob landed.
>"AAAXXEEEELLL!!!!"
>Brad emerges from their mouth, desperately trying to avoid their vicious teeth.
"HANG ON!"
>"NO SHIT!"
>The Cerberus then comes to stomp you with their paw.
>You showed them your axe.
>The wooden complexion, the beauty of carved wood.
>Their tails wagged in delight.
>Brad then drops from the middle one's mouth, covered in demonic saliva.
*PLOP*
>"EUGH, GROSS!"
>You then raised the axe one more time.
"HERE BOY! FETCH!"
>You played fetch with the dogs as you threw the axe with all your might.
>>"BARK! BARK BARK!" The dogs happily said.
>The axe spinned in midair as the dogs happily chased it.
>But little did they know, that it was all part of your plan.
>You called upon your axe as you reached up in the air.
>The axe does a 180 degree turn from where it spun and slashed through the cerberus' three heads.
>>"*WEELLP!*
>Despite the axe's small size, the axe does heavy damage as it slices through the three dog's lower jaws.
>The axe rejoins you once more.
>You look at the jawless dogs and said;
 
"Yeah, I know. It bites."
 
>The Cerberus dogs ran away in disgrace as you help the oozing Brad up on his feet.
>"Aww man. I'm covered in dog slobber. Guess this must be what the ladies feel when they see my little Brad."
 
*Audience Laughter*
 
"Come, man-whore. Before we can escape this wretched place, we need to find my book.
>"Do I even have a choice?"
>And so, you and Brad ventured forth onto the stairway once more, going down a million steps.
 
CIRCLE OF HELL FOUR: GREED'S GREIF
 
>"OH GOD.*huff* I...I CAN'T *puff* AWW JEEZ!"
"Oh quit your yapping. We've only gone like 500,000 steps."
>"S-SCREW YOU *gahh* MAAN!"
"Hurrm."
>You and Brad made it to the fourth circle of hell. GREEED.
>[spoiler]inb4 jew jokes galore[/spoiler]
>The place is filled with hoarders and thieves.
>People, mirrored by their thin personality, forced to carry their ton of gold and precious collections on their backs as a literal burden, believing they still have worth in the after-life.
"Stay close."
>"R-Right."
>Brad stayed behind you as you sneaked past the demons of no generosity.
>But it wasn't successful, as a greedy man who had been collecting teenagers in his life spots them both.
>>"MORE FOR MY COLLECTION! HUAAH!"
>The demon grabs another demon's treasure and throws it at you.
"What the-UUMMF!"
>The large bag of money pounds you to the ground.
>Brad is then stolen by a guy. Yes folks, he's been stolen.
>"OH CRUD! AXEL HEEEELLP!"
"MMPPH!" You say as you try to push the large bag of coins away from your face.
>The Brad-stealing  demon jumps down another circle like the do-gooder square that he is.
>But before you could go after them, more of the greedy demons tackle you to the ground.
>>"I MUST HAVE YOUR SHIRT!"
>>>"I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THOSE SHADES"
>>>>"GIVE ME YOUR SHOES. THOSE PURDY SHOES!"
>Their hands clutched at you as your clothes are being torn apart.
>You struggle with them as you tried to punch your way out.
>Finally, with enough room you raised your axe in a valiant attempt to fight back.
>But it's stolen by an axe-collecting demon.
>>>>>"YEESS! TO MY COLLECTION!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
>The demon runs away as you struggle with the demons.
>By then, you have flashbacks of the axe that was stolen from  you.
"A-Axe...Axe..." You say as you fade into unconsciousness
 
__________________________
*flashback sounds*
AXEL JONES - AGE 1
 
>>"Oh dear, it's his first birthday." your mother commented.
>"Yes indeed, and for him, I give his DESTINY!"
>Your father hands you a long present wrapped in gift wrapper. It's shaped like an axe.
>OOooh, I hope it's a Batman figure!
>...
>EVEN BETTER! IT'S AN AXE!
"U-GUUH GAH!"
>"That's right, son. As you grow up, I shall teach you the ways of axe-fu, as my father before me as his father before him." he said.
>You were too young to understand, and proceeded to suck on the axe like a pacifier.
>>"Aww, he looks so cute." your mother commented.
 
AXEL JONES - AGE 10
 
"DAAD! I LOST MY AXE!"
>Your father slaps you in disgust.
>"DISGRACE! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT LOSING YOUR AAXXE!?"
"I'M *sniff* I'M SORRY DAD! I WAS JUST WALTZING AROUND THE WOODS *sniff* AND A WOLF FRIGHTENED ME."
>"OH WHOA IS ME, HOW DID MY SON GROW UP TO BE SUCH A MAGGOT?"
>Your dad goes into the forrest with you and encounters the wolf.
>He rips his clothes off and yelled 'GRAAAAAAAHHH!"
>The wolf, scared as shit, drops the axe he carried in his mouth and runs away.
>"DO YOU SEE SON? IF YOU ARE TO ENFORCE THE LAW, YOU MUST NOT BE AFRAID OF THE DANGER. YOU MUST BE...THE DANGER!"
>Your father hands you the axe.
>"As a new law, you must never lose this axe, or I'm disowning you as my son."
"*sniff* yes dad."
*flashback sounds*
_______________________
 
>You woke up, beaten and bare.
>Your clothes were stole, save for your shades.
>Apparently, the shades guy was the one you managed to knock out.
>Right now, you need to find your axe, and then your book.
>And probably Brad too.
>You walk among the pile of scattered bags and tired souls, hoping to find your axe.
>Among those scattered bags is the hole the Brad stealer used to go down another circle to escape.
>Scratch marks made by your axe is present. You know its from your axe because the scent of its luscious metal is still fresh.
"I'M COMING, BABY!"
>Down you go into the rabbit hole.
 
CIRCLE OF HELL FIVE: WRATH'S WRAPS
 
"AAAARRRRGHHHHH"
*PSHHHH*
>You landed in the sea of blood.
"*PTWEEY!* This is definitely not catsup!"
>You swam away to a nearby island.
"GAH, ugh..."
>Resting for a bit, you then stood up to see where you are.
"Fifth circle, eh?"
>Around the endless sea of blood, you find souls fighting each other with their bare hands...and feet in the sea.
>Their never ending rage makes them blind to everything, and they are forced to endure their suffering to no end as they get punched till eternity.
>Standing naked, you find on the island more blind souls that managed to escape the sea.
>However, their simulated starvation makes them the weakest corpses to walk on the island.
>Ironic, how a circle of hatred ca-
"OH DROKK! MY AXE!"
>Amidts your cynical and philosophical outlook on the place, you found the bastard greed demon beaten to death (again).
>Your axe lies on its own, strong and shiny.
"MY AXE!"
>You run to it in slow motion, music ringing at the back of your head, like some romance movie's climactic scene.
>You jumped to your axe and hugged it dearly, dancing with it in the pale hell light.
"Oh axe, I will never leave you again. *smooch*"
>After a heartfelt and award winning scene with your axe, you went through the sea and sliced everyone in your way, happily whistling a tune as you head on to find the stairs that will lead you to the next circle.
 
CIRCLE OF HELL SIX: HERESY MERRILY
 
"900,000 steps in a hole, 800,000 steeepps! Step one down, sing it around, we got 900,001 steps in a hole!"
>You arrive at circle heresy, where all the heretics come together to do...heresy stuff.
>Nothing useful here.
>Before you come down some more steps, a soul comes to try and haunt you.
>"STARE ONTO YOUR DOOM, FOR-"
"STARE ONTO MY AXE, CREEP"
*chop*
"900,001 steps in a hole, 900,001 steeepps! Step one down, sing it around, we got 900,002 steps in a hole!"
 
CIRCLE OF HELL SEVEN: VIOLENCE TENSE
 
>Alas, tireness has caught up to you.
"UUGH!"
>You fall down the stairs and you land on the doorless doorway.
>You arrive at the seventh circle, violence.
>The only difference between this and wrath, is that this circle is more focused on self harmers and religious damned souls.
>Nothing of value in here.
>And I'm running out of energy.
"Drokk..."
>Holding your axe tightly, you kept on being optimistic
>You weakly crawled down the stairs of hell some more, hoping to reach your destination.
 
CIRCLE OF HELL EIGHT: FRAUD HOD
 
>The stairway ends here.
>Crawling outside the doorway, you see the circle of liers and frauds.
>All of them deceiving each other in the most desperate way imaginable.
>Looking away, you see the elevator leading to the 9th circle below.
>It's inside a large tree, bearing apples with the skin of snakes.
>You could just suck an apple's juices dry.
"DROKK! SO...THIRSTY!"
>A demon comes in to offer help.
>"Want a bottled water?"
"Ugh..."
>"Too bad."
>The demon disintegrates the bottle of water as he laughs away.
>The eight circle of hell. Fraudulence.
>At this point, you wish you could find a way out of the damned place to get a glass of water.
"HHURRGH."
>Is this it? IS THIS THE END OF THE LAW BRINGER?
"I'm...I'm too weak...I..."
>You almost pass away in the den of frauds.
>However, a vision of your deluxe russian law book appears in  your mind.
>The sight of it reminds you that if you give up now, you give up protecting the law.
>And the law needs protecting.
"DROKK! I'M GOING TO DO IT!"
>You crawl through the eighth circle's disgusting location.
>Avoiding the demons that try to decieve you left and right, you only have one goal in mind.
>TO RETURN THE BOOK TO ITS RIGHTFUL LIBRARY.
 
"HUURGH!"
>Only a few more meters left, but...
>"AXEEL! HEEELLP!"
"What the drokk?"
>IT'S BRAD!
>And you totally forgot about him.
>He's too far away. He's being swindled by the other greed demon with the fraud demons.
>You're nearly to the elevator, the final place before you escape.
>However, the sight of an innocent being tortured isn't something you'd live with, or die with in your mind.
"I'M...I'M COMING...*huff*... MANWHORE!"
>You crawl through the demons, going into Brad's path.
>For you are a lawbringer, a protector of the innocent.
>YOU ARE A MAN OF THE LAW.
>AND IT IS YOUR DUTY.
"HAAARRGE!"
>Crawling to Brad, you jumped and chopped away the demons with your remaining strength.
*SHHWWIIING*
*SSHWWAAANG*
>>>"HUUURGH!"
>>"HAARRGH!"
>The demons disintegrate as you fall into Brad's arms.
>"Bro? Axel?"
"Carry me to the lord of evil...I wish to hit him with my axe."
>"Whatever you say, bro."
>Brad complies and brings you to the tree after saving his everlasting soul.
>"Oh man, we really are in hell."
"Lawbreakers seemed to have had it in for you."
>"I am never trusting that apple-loving hottie again!"
"Yet if she shows you her breasts, you would forget about this nightmare."
>"Man, Applejack's breasts. You think they taste like apples?"
"Focus, man-whore. How could you think of naked women at a time like this?"
>"Because I'm the *coolest* guy in this fiery hellhole. Get it? Because puns are *cool*"
"sigh"
 
*Audience Laughter*
 
CIRCLE OF HELL NINE: TREACHARY'S TRENCH
 
>You both arrived at Satan's level.
>"Whoa."
>You and Brad see the large demon, munching on the regenerating remains of Judas' body while he reads on the tiny book you borrowed from the library.
>>>/WHO DARES ENTER MY CIRCLE?/
>"GYAH!"
>Brad drops you out of fear.
>Since you've rested in the elevator, you speak.
"MY NAME IS AXEL JONES."
>>>/HMM. I'VE WATCHED YOU SLASH YOUR WAY THROUGH MY DOMAIN. SERIOUSLY, MY DOG LOVED THEIR JAWS. NOT COOL./
>Brad just shivers at the tone of his voice.
>>>/Say, you guys aren't dead yet. How did you enter my domain?/
"Bunch of ritual maggots offering him as a sacrifice."
>>>/Seriously? I never even made up the damn rules about that. No wonder they keep sending me some worthless soul every 10,000 years./
>"S-SO, you'd let us go then?"
>>>/hahaha, what do I look like to you, a saint? Nah, you guys are here for eternity./
"I cannot allow that, giant fiend."
>The demon is surprised at your bravery, though he just thinks it's just ignorance.
>>>/And why should I listen to you?/
"As a man of principle, I must return that book you're reading to my superior, and to have this man-whore be returned to the earth safe.!"
>>>/And you think I would just give it to you like some saint of generosity?/
"Then I offer myself as a sacrifice."
>"WHAT?"
>>>/What would I gain from having you as a sacrifice?/
"I can punish perps from those eight circles
>>>/AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU ARE WORTHY OF-/
>You point to a picture of his Cerberus  dog.
>>>/Oh...hmmm.../
>The king of demons thinks lord and hard...
>>>/I could use a man of the law here. Ever since my mods had quit to work at purgatory, it's just too chaotic....DEAL!/
>And with a shake of a finger, you're promoted to 'GUARDIAN DEMON'.
>"Whoa..."
>Covered in hellfire, your axe transforms into a large axe-scythe.
"BRAD!" You say in your new voice.
>"GYAH!"
"Return this book for me, or I'll haunt your soul."
>And you conjure a portal up and kicked Brad inside.
______________________________________________________
 
>"And that's how I got back here."
>>"Whoa."
>>>"Hot dog, that's the weirdest thing I've heard all day."
>"Oh sure, it's a surprise to you, considering YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!"
>>>"OH don't be mad. You're still alive!"
>"I WAS TRAPPED IN HELL FOR YEARS!"
>>>"Brad, it's just been two days!"
>"TIME PASSES SLOWER IN HELL!"
>>>"Err..."
>Applejack then flashes her apples.
>"I instantly forgive you."
*FFFSHHHHWIIIING!*
>You burst out of the lake, naked.
>Fluttershy screams.
>>"AAAAAHHH~"
>After seeing your superior mini-Axel, she faints.
>"AXEL? WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Coup d'état. Apparently I was so good at my job that Satan fired me."
[spoiler]*cough*[/spoiler]
>"Hah, that's hilarious."
"And he hired me for a new job."
>"What?"
>You then spontaneously burst into flames as you transform into the Ghost Rider.
>With your demonic voice, you tell Brad;
 
"I'M HERE TO HUNT YOUR SOUL FOR JUSTICE."
>"WAIT! WE HAVEN'T RETURNED THE BOOK!"
"Hurm?"
>Applejack grabs the book and tells you;
>>>"Sorry sugar cube, looks like you're late."
"NO. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
>And you burn the park down as the echos of the demon master's laughter haunts you for the rest of the day.
 
 
End?
 
 
 
circle lust=Brad
Satan meets axel, offers him a job punishing the damned in exchange for delaying the end for 10000 years
Axel gladly accepts, and happily punishes the depths of hell.
Because lawbreakers deserve their just rewards.